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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:16,145 --> 00:01:19,485
Don't crowd, and do
not, under any circumstances,
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00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:20,944
sneeze on me.
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00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:23,448
I will write you
up if you sneeze,
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00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:27,118
or if you, in any way,
get me moist with your fluids.
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00:01:27,243 --> 00:01:30,789
Please, step back,
there's plenty for everyone
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till we run out.
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Okay, I need to make sure
you swallowed that.
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Op... Thank you.
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Ah!
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I got mad control
over my epiglottis.
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Here.
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Trust me.
Have you been out there?
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I look like Michael Jackson.
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No, I...
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I think you've got
the wrong skin tone.
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00:02:54,998 --> 00:02:57,000
I look like Michael Jackson.
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00:03:06,049 --> 00:03:07,050
Whoo!
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Well, if it isn't Litchfield's
biggest celebrity.
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I don't know what that means.
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Excuse me?
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Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just
trying to stay healthy.
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00:03:29,532 --> 00:03:32,577
Boyfriend wrote quite
the article about you.
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Larry?
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Oh, my God! Oh, my God,
is that the Times?
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00:03:40,919 --> 00:03:42,003
Yep.
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He's in the Times?
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00:03:44,129 --> 00:03:45,464
What did he say?
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He went on and on about your
enchanting little love story.
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May I read it? I mean, I can wait
until you're done, obviously.
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I had no idea that he would
actually make it in there.
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00:03:56,017 --> 00:03:58,811
Looks like I've
already thrown mine away.
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00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:10,281
Too much coffee irritates
the stomach lining.
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00:04:11,032 --> 00:04:12,116
Trying to cut down.
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00:04:21,208 --> 00:04:22,208
Inmate! Out of the trash!
36
00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:23,878
But I just need to get...
Out!
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00:04:32,053 --> 00:04:33,721
Hey, there, baby bump.
38
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:36,015
I can't give you
the cold medicine,
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00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:38,309
but I have got some
menthol cough drops.
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00:04:38,434 --> 00:04:39,936
Crap.
They're somewhere in here.
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00:04:41,646 --> 00:04:43,439
I don't have a cold.
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Oh?
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00:04:44,816 --> 00:04:47,568
That's good.
Is your back hurting again?
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00:04:50,446 --> 00:04:51,823
I'm in labor.
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Oh, fuck.
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00:05:15,179 --> 00:05:16,639
Morning, Red.
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00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:21,393
If you're here to ransack
my kitchen again, go ahead.
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00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:24,188
The shelves could
use a little dusting.
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00:05:24,313 --> 00:05:25,606
Nah.
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00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,442
I'm here to do you a favor.
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00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,695
No, thanks.
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One of your little
adopted daughters
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woke up in full-tilt
withdrawal this morning.
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Withdrawal from what?
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My girls are clean.
56
00:05:48,046 --> 00:05:49,047
Hmm.
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00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,966
Well, I guess this
one slipped in the mud.
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00:05:52,717 --> 00:05:56,721
Now that her supply's
been compromised,
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00:05:56,971 --> 00:06:00,265
little Tricia's got a mean
old case of the detox blues.
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00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,227
Then it's your fault.
Your mess.
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00:06:04,353 --> 00:06:05,980
You deal with it.
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00:06:06,105 --> 00:06:07,523
Believe me,
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00:06:08,315 --> 00:06:12,862
you do not want to see
how I would deal with it.
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00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:17,449
Now, the prison doesn't need a case
of the junkie jitters on record,
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00:06:17,575 --> 00:06:20,243
and I'm pretty sure
that you don't want
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00:06:20,369 --> 00:06:23,246
people thinking
you've been a bad mommy.
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00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,586
So you're gonna
walk her through it.
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00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:31,589
Quietly.
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00:06:36,468 --> 00:06:40,806
This whole time,
you've been giving it to her.
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00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:42,767
Really, Red?
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00:06:43,768 --> 00:06:47,897
At a time like this,
does that matter?
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00:06:51,901 --> 00:06:53,611
I'll take care of it.
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00:07:06,249 --> 00:07:09,794
I have eighty crates
of tomatoes rotting
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00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:13,923
in a Bensonhurst warehouse.
Eighty.
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00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:17,218
I lower prices, our
competition lowers prices.
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00:07:17,301 --> 00:07:22,056
And like this Neptune has lost
three restaurants in three weeks.
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00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:24,391
The men who run these restaurants,
maybe we meet with them, maybe you
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00:07:24,475 --> 00:07:25,476
make deal to bid the lowest.
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00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:28,562
It's not about the prices,
it's about the books.
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Right.
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00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:32,608
We have to move
product regularly.
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00:07:32,691 --> 00:07:35,778
Then, and only then,
we can explain other income.
83
00:07:35,861 --> 00:07:38,781
Maybe you're not
thinking big enough.
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00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:41,492
Restaurants come and go, yes?
85
00:07:42,285 --> 00:07:43,744
Look at this place.
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00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:46,038
Every week, we almost close.
87
00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:48,874
But not schools.
Not hospitals.
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00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:49,959
Galina...
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All I'm saying is,
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00:07:51,669 --> 00:07:54,588
you get something big,
something steady,
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00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,008
like the Italians
have with the garbage,
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00:07:57,549 --> 00:07:59,969
then you're not
out chasing bids.
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00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:04,598
My father,
he sold candy out of a box.
94
00:08:04,682 --> 00:08:06,309
Every day,
up and down the street.
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00:08:06,391 --> 00:08:08,686
He walked so much
he wore holes in his shoes.
96
00:08:09,145 --> 00:08:11,189
Until one day,
he passed by an army base,
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00:08:11,355 --> 00:08:13,398
right after
the soldiers' lunchtime.
98
00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:16,152
And he realized
that all he had to do
99
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:19,071
was stand there
and open his box.
100
00:08:19,488 --> 00:08:21,324
He sold out in minutes.
101
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:25,036
So he did it again,
day after day.
102
00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:27,079
There were always soldiers,
103
00:08:27,205 --> 00:08:28,539
there was always lunch,
104
00:08:28,664 --> 00:08:31,167
and they always
wanted candy bars.
105
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,377
No more holes in his shoes.
106
00:08:37,548 --> 00:08:38,883
I need more cream.
107
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,260
Of course, honey.
108
00:09:00,445 --> 00:09:02,073
Got enough, bro?
109
00:09:02,489 --> 00:09:05,076
I wrote something in here.
Uh, a column.
110
00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:06,952
Look. Look, look.
111
00:09:08,954 --> 00:09:11,332
See that? That's me.
112
00:09:11,999 --> 00:09:13,751
I'm a writer.
No shit.
113
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:14,835
Yeah.
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00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:16,045
Arturo!
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Yeah?
116
00:09:18,214 --> 00:09:20,007
Dude right here's in the paper.
117
00:09:21,342 --> 00:09:22,301
What'd he do?
118
00:09:22,426 --> 00:09:24,220
Check it.
Says he wrote a column!
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00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:27,890
For real?
Yo, that's sick, son!
120
00:09:28,682 --> 00:09:29,641
It is?
121
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:32,937
Someday you're gonna write
the whole paper, bro.
122
00:09:34,939 --> 00:09:36,023
Okay.
123
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,900
Yo, you on Facebook?
124
00:09:52,831 --> 00:09:54,250
Shit.
125
00:09:57,962 --> 00:09:58,921
Hello?
126
00:09:59,004 --> 00:10:00,423
An inmate from
Litchfield Federal Prison
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00:10:00,505 --> 00:10:01,840
is attempting to contact you.
128
00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:03,801
To accept this call,
please press one.
129
00:10:04,676 --> 00:10:06,262
- Hey.
- Larry?
130
00:10:06,345 --> 00:10:07,388
I've got great news.
131
00:10:07,471 --> 00:10:08,722
Hi! I know.
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00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,015
You know?
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00:10:10,141 --> 00:10:11,309
Yeah,
your article came out today.
134
00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:12,517
Isn't it great?
135
00:10:12,643 --> 00:10:16,147
I mean, I wasn't expecting it,
but I got the call last night.
136
00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:17,940
So, apparently they
pulled Randy's story
137
00:10:18,023 --> 00:10:20,609
about, uh, the surge
in home breweries in Brooklyn
138
00:10:20,692 --> 00:10:22,486
because The New Yorker
is running one
139
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:24,322
on the surge in home
wineries in Brooklyn.
140
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:25,530
So they ran mine instead.
141
00:10:25,656 --> 00:10:26,824
That's great, honey.
142
00:10:26,949 --> 00:10:28,349
I know.
Everyone's been so positive.
143
00:10:28,451 --> 00:10:31,370
My high school English teacher
called my parents.
144
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:34,415
Your brother, he sent me a picture
text of a thumbs up.
145
00:10:34,498 --> 00:10:35,833
Can you read it to me?
146
00:10:36,417 --> 00:10:39,503
Want me to read it?
I am going to read it.
147
00:10:39,628 --> 00:10:42,089
"One Sentence, Two Prisoners."
148
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:44,175
That sounds like
"Two Girls, One Cup."
149
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:47,845
No, it doesn't. This is
one, two, not two, one.
150
00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:49,805
And no one is
shitting in any cup, okay?
151
00:10:49,888 --> 00:10:51,974
I left that part out.
Your secret is safe.
152
00:10:52,057 --> 00:10:53,309
Thanks.
153
00:10:54,477 --> 00:10:56,479
Oh, hold on. Another one.
154
00:10:56,979 --> 00:10:59,023
Let's see what it says.
It's from Pete.
155
00:11:02,985 --> 00:11:05,321
Porn. He just... He sent porn.
156
00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:11,202
What is that? Is that porn?
157
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:12,911
Oh...
158
00:11:13,245 --> 00:11:14,913
Oh, Maria might be in labor.
159
00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:16,123
What?
160
00:11:16,374 --> 00:11:18,876
Could you google
symptoms of labor?
161
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,336
They're running bets.
162
00:11:20,419 --> 00:11:24,173
If I guess closest to the birth
time, I could win a Twix.
163
00:11:24,715 --> 00:11:26,591
I want to make
an educated guess.
164
00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:28,135
Isn't there a doctor in there?
165
00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:29,220
There's a nurse.
166
00:11:29,303 --> 00:11:30,553
He says that she's gotta
wait till her contractions
167
00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:32,679
are less than a minute apart
to go to the hospital.
168
00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:35,434
That's cutting it pretty close.
All right, here we go.
169
00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:39,438
Okay, if her cervix has softened,
she's definitely in labor.
170
00:11:39,562 --> 00:11:42,024
Larry, how am I supposed to
tell if her cervix is soft?
171
00:11:42,107 --> 00:11:45,110
Oh, wait. Crowning.
Let's look at crowning.
172
00:11:45,736 --> 00:11:47,154
Oh, Jesus Christ.
173
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:49,114
Yeah.
174
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,908
I'll definitely
send that to Pete.
175
00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:54,453
Speaking of whom, he is taking
me out for a drink tonight.
176
00:11:54,577 --> 00:11:59,041
Uh, Polly, too. And some other people.
To, uh, celebrate.
177
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,043
Sounds like fun.
178
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:04,129
Who else is going?
179
00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:07,674
I don't know. Polly made a
last-minute Evite so...
180
00:12:07,758 --> 00:12:10,635
So you're having a party.
An Evite equals party.
181
00:12:10,761 --> 00:12:13,161
Why didn't you just tell me you
were going to a party tonight?
182
00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:14,597
With all of our friends.
183
00:12:14,681 --> 00:12:17,600
You're not here to tell me I can't
wear brown shoes with black pants.
184
00:12:17,726 --> 00:12:19,395
It's pretty basic.
185
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:21,604
I know. Still.
186
00:12:24,607 --> 00:12:26,818
I am really happy for you.
187
00:12:28,571 --> 00:12:30,613
This is a really big thing.
188
00:12:32,157 --> 00:12:34,326
And it deserves
to be celebrated.
189
00:12:36,495 --> 00:12:37,913
Yeah, okay.
190
00:12:38,663 --> 00:12:40,916
You're gonna have a great time.
191
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:43,294
And you deserve that.
192
00:12:46,505 --> 00:12:48,549
And on my end,
193
00:12:49,632 --> 00:12:52,553
I have a really
strong shot at a Twix bar.
194
00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:55,180
It's a great day.
195
00:12:55,638 --> 00:12:57,433
Of course.
196
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,977
I have to go to work soon.
Can you read me the article?
197
00:13:01,686 --> 00:13:04,482
The rest of the world got to
read your story before I did.
198
00:13:04,565 --> 00:13:05,899
Our story.
199
00:13:08,235 --> 00:13:09,320
Okay.
200
00:13:09,403 --> 00:13:10,613
Okay. Here it goes.
201
00:13:10,695 --> 00:13:12,531
"It always starts the same way,
202
00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:14,492
"with a latte
and a bacon scone.
203
00:13:14,617 --> 00:13:15,826
"And then I hit the road..."
204
00:13:16,994 --> 00:13:18,287
You gotta walk, honey.
205
00:13:18,370 --> 00:13:20,289
I'ma kill that motherfucker!
The nurse?
206
00:13:20,372 --> 00:13:22,916
My boyfriend.
And the nurse, too.
207
00:13:25,377 --> 00:13:27,421
Fuck him
and his fucking mother.
208
00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:28,755
Time?
It's the same.
209
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:30,841
He said she cannot come back
until they're closer. I'm sorry.
210
00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:32,301
That maricon
wouldn't know labor
211
00:13:32,384 --> 00:13:34,136
if that baby popped out and
slapped him in the fucking face.
212
00:13:34,219 --> 00:13:35,678
Well, it's not him.
It's the rules.
213
00:13:35,762 --> 00:13:37,389
Well,
he's the face of the rules.
214
00:13:37,515 --> 00:13:39,224
Just keep walking, mami.
I'm gonna try.
215
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:41,852
Here. Had to haggle with las
negritas, but I got it.
216
00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:42,978
Got what?
217
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:45,814
To get Lucy coming out, they
made me eat a whole pineapple.
218
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:47,690
But that's pineapple soda.
219
00:13:47,774 --> 00:13:49,860
You know, for my son, they told
me to play with my chichitas.
220
00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:51,736
You know, it just
gets the hormones going.
221
00:13:51,862 --> 00:13:54,023
You know, you gotta just twiddle them.
You wanna try it?
222
00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:58,536
Come on, less talking.
Just breathe.
223
00:13:58,661 --> 00:14:00,496
Okay. Come on.
224
00:14:14,635 --> 00:14:15,927
And then there were two.
225
00:14:16,053 --> 00:14:17,471
Where is everybody?
226
00:14:17,555 --> 00:14:21,016
They're sick. Pussies. I don't
believe in getting sick.
227
00:14:21,266 --> 00:14:22,267
Wow.
228
00:14:22,518 --> 00:14:23,477
Mind over mucous, huh?
229
00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:24,562
Yeah.
230
00:14:24,645 --> 00:14:27,147
That, and I stockpile
from commissary.
231
00:14:27,231 --> 00:14:28,566
I'm on a cough syrup cocktail
232
00:14:28,691 --> 00:14:30,234
that would make Lil Wayne
vomit in his dreads.
233
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:34,405
New reading material.
234
00:14:34,738 --> 00:14:36,907
I'm assuming you're
both fluent in Hindi.
235
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:38,659
I think there are pictures.
236
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:42,287
There's a broken
dryer in the laundry room.
237
00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:44,873
Martha or Maddie or some shit.
238
00:14:44,956 --> 00:14:48,544
I can't keep track of the nicknames.
Just, uh, take care of it.
239
00:14:49,211 --> 00:14:50,254
How?
240
00:14:52,631 --> 00:14:54,383
Make it not broken.
241
00:15:11,275 --> 00:15:13,277
Man, I'm never
gonna get this shit.
242
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,195
The label fell off.
243
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:18,323
Guide to Bird-Watching.
Seven-hundreds?
244
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:20,367
Five-hundreds.
That's science.
245
00:15:20,451 --> 00:15:21,619
But it's a hobby, though.
246
00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:23,579
A hobby about science.
247
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:26,665
Okay.
248
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:29,543
So, you gonna tell me
how it went, or what?
249
00:15:29,627 --> 00:15:30,961
How what went?
250
00:15:31,044 --> 00:15:32,963
Your bat mitzvah, bitch! What
do you think I'm talking about?
251
00:15:33,088 --> 00:15:35,424
I don't know. It went.
252
00:15:36,425 --> 00:15:39,470
A bunch of people I never met
looked at my case file.
253
00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:40,804
One guy had a beard.
254
00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:42,208
They asked you
a lot of questions?
255
00:15:42,264 --> 00:15:43,474
Not as many as you.
256
00:15:47,394 --> 00:15:48,853
All right, look.
I really appreciate
257
00:15:48,979 --> 00:15:50,439
you trying to
teach me all this,
258
00:15:50,522 --> 00:15:51,523
getting me assigned
and every...
259
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:52,650
Shh!
260
00:15:56,779 --> 00:16:00,365
Look, what I mean is,
if you don't leave,
261
00:16:00,616 --> 00:16:02,367
I'll just go right
back to clean crew.
262
00:16:02,493 --> 00:16:04,013
This your job.
I know you like it here.
263
00:16:04,119 --> 00:16:06,413
Don't nobody like it here.
264
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:10,668
Your hair looked good.
265
00:16:13,253 --> 00:16:14,254
It did.
266
00:16:28,393 --> 00:16:30,313
Attention,
all personnel, be advised
267
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:32,147
count is not clear.
Please conduct a recount.
268
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:35,734
Hey, there.
269
00:16:36,485 --> 00:16:37,528
Hey.
270
00:16:38,153 --> 00:16:40,364
Hear you got
a broken appliance, ma'am.
271
00:16:41,114 --> 00:16:42,115
Yeah?
272
00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:44,951
A real rusty old thing
that needs fixing?
273
00:16:45,118 --> 00:16:47,996
Oh, well, my husband isn't home.
He's got the checkbook.
274
00:16:48,079 --> 00:16:50,040
Hopefully there's
some way I could pay you.
275
00:16:50,207 --> 00:16:53,752
Well, I have been
feeling a little tense lately.
276
00:16:54,169 --> 00:16:57,631
Maybe if I stick my dick in your
mouth, it might help me relax.
277
00:16:57,756 --> 00:16:59,424
Oh, God. No, thanks.
278
00:16:59,717 --> 00:17:02,386
What? Too hetero?
279
00:17:03,637 --> 00:17:07,224
Okay. How about
"wrench in your twat"?
280
00:17:10,394 --> 00:17:12,730
All right. Well, the broken one's
over there, and her name's Myra.
281
00:17:12,855 --> 00:17:14,648
So you can stick
your wrench in her twat.
282
00:17:20,654 --> 00:17:22,573
I hate when she
sends The Quiet Storm.
283
00:17:22,698 --> 00:17:24,241
Can't she just come over
and tap you on the shoulder?
284
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:28,746
She has an irrational fear of the spin cycle.
Won't step foot in here.
285
00:17:28,871 --> 00:17:29,872
I'd better go.
286
00:17:29,954 --> 00:17:31,998
Yeah, well...
Mommy needs you.
287
00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:35,919
Can't be that serious. When it's
serious, she throws coconuts.
288
00:17:43,176 --> 00:17:44,177
Come on!
289
00:17:53,103 --> 00:17:55,480
You don't look
half bad in those.
290
00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:00,652
Thanks.
291
00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:03,988
You sure you know
what you're doing?
292
00:18:04,114 --> 00:18:05,449
I have no idea.
293
00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:07,033
Don't lie to me.
294
00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:10,203
She made a mistake, okay?
She's 19 years old.
295
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:14,124
I covered for her when she got here.
Hmm? Just like I did for you.
296
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,042
And I warned her if it ever...
297
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,878
It's not like it's her choice.
298
00:18:17,961 --> 00:18:20,923
I mean, she's an addict, all right?
She had a slip.
299
00:18:21,005 --> 00:18:22,424
We can help her.
Just give her a chance.
300
00:18:22,507 --> 00:18:25,719
No more chances. Two strikes,
that's what she gets.
301
00:18:25,803 --> 00:18:27,679
Russians don't play baseball.
302
00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,180
Jesus, with this shit.
303
00:18:29,306 --> 00:18:31,224
She needs to go down,
304
00:18:31,308 --> 00:18:34,436
and whoever she drags down
with her deserves it.
305
00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:40,984
You send her down the hill,
she's fucked, and you know it.
306
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:42,986
Okay, you're
taking this personally.
307
00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:44,988
It's not personal,
it's chemical.
308
00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:47,354
Drugs have a way of making you
do shit you don't wanna do.
309
00:18:49,993 --> 00:18:51,202
So do I.
310
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:00,963
Okay.
311
00:19:08,303 --> 00:19:09,930
I look pathetic.
I'm aware.
312
00:19:10,013 --> 00:19:11,014
I wasn't laughing at you.
313
00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,182
Right.
314
00:19:12,265 --> 00:19:13,892
Anyway,
significantly less funny
315
00:19:14,017 --> 00:19:15,686
than the time you
fixed our toaster
316
00:19:15,769 --> 00:19:16,937
with a hot glue gun.
317
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:23,193
You wanna see something?
What?
318
00:19:23,318 --> 00:19:25,320
Okay, so we don't just do
inmate laundry, right?
319
00:19:25,403 --> 00:19:26,446
Right.
320
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:28,740
Some of the guards
drop off their clothes, too.
321
00:19:28,866 --> 00:19:30,408
So, Wanda Bell?
322
00:19:30,534 --> 00:19:32,369
You might remember her as the
bloodsucking dragon-cunt?
323
00:19:32,452 --> 00:19:34,329
She works up front,
eats souls for fun?
324
00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:38,375
Every once in a while, we find a
pair of men's boxers in there.
325
00:19:40,168 --> 00:19:43,254
No big deal. Even Bigfoot's
gonna get laid sometimes.
326
00:19:43,588 --> 00:19:45,632
Except these boxers...
Oh!
327
00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,926
...have a name stitched on
them like he's a third grader.
328
00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:49,386
S. O'Neill.
329
00:19:49,761 --> 00:19:52,347
No!
The guard S. O'Neill?
330
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:53,932
Drama!
331
00:19:54,057 --> 00:19:55,225
Where does that belly go?
332
00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:56,518
I don't know.
333
00:19:56,601 --> 00:19:57,602
Ooh!
334
00:19:57,728 --> 00:19:59,437
Hey! Y'all done having fun?
335
00:20:02,524 --> 00:20:04,526
We're just
getting started, bitch.
336
00:20:13,159 --> 00:20:15,078
I should finish fixing that.
You want some help?
337
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:18,415
No, that's really okay.
338
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:20,166
I work these machines all day.
339
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:24,254
I saw Little Sarah get a shot for
helping Nicky hold a ladder.
340
00:20:24,337 --> 00:20:25,630
So?
341
00:20:25,881 --> 00:20:28,926
You're laundry, I'm electric.
We're from different worlds.
342
00:20:34,138 --> 00:20:35,348
And I don't want any trouble.
343
00:20:35,766 --> 00:20:37,392
Oh, fuck her.
344
00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:41,271
I'm gonna help you,
no strings attached.
345
00:21:07,798 --> 00:21:09,299
How goes it?
346
00:21:09,424 --> 00:21:10,884
I've been better.
347
00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:13,261
If I tell you it gets easier,
does that make me corny?
348
00:21:13,386 --> 00:21:14,638
Makes you a liar.
349
00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:21,144
Yeah. Brought you some O.J.
Carton, not Simpson.
350
00:21:24,731 --> 00:21:27,317
Man, this clinic my
mom dragged me to,
351
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,277
they strapped me down
to a bed just like this.
352
00:21:30,654 --> 00:21:34,032
So the nurses hated me, 'cause
I kept makin' Exorcist jokes.
353
00:21:34,157 --> 00:21:36,326
"Your mother sucks cocks
in hell!"
354
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:39,162
That shit never
gets old, right?
355
00:21:41,748 --> 00:21:43,625
I might actually be
lucky this happened now.
356
00:21:43,708 --> 00:21:46,377
Guards just think I
got the flu like everyone else.
357
00:21:46,503 --> 00:21:48,922
Well, in two days, you're gonna
be wishing you had the flu.
358
00:21:50,548 --> 00:21:51,925
I'm lucky you're here with me.
359
00:21:52,050 --> 00:21:53,384
Yeah.
360
00:21:53,510 --> 00:21:56,013
And I'll get through it.
I'll get back on track.
361
00:21:56,138 --> 00:21:57,681
They won't even
find out I was using.
362
00:21:57,764 --> 00:21:58,932
Yes, they will.
363
00:21:59,016 --> 00:22:01,518
Shit, no.
Girls got my back, right?
364
00:22:01,893 --> 00:22:04,312
I ain't never snitched nobody,
so who's gonna tell 'em?
365
00:22:05,396 --> 00:22:06,397
You are.
366
00:22:06,523 --> 00:22:07,524
What?
367
00:22:07,941 --> 00:22:10,777
Two strikes.
That's all you get.
368
00:22:12,154 --> 00:22:14,447
Red sent me. Says she
doesn't play baseball.
369
00:22:14,531 --> 00:22:17,575
I'm quitting, Nicky. Tell her that.
Don't make me go down there.
370
00:22:17,701 --> 00:22:18,827
This isn't about you.
371
00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:23,247
Red's fighting a bigger fight.
Shit's changing around here.
372
00:22:23,373 --> 00:22:26,043
She is supposed
to take care of us.
373
00:22:28,461 --> 00:22:30,047
You're gonna get up.
374
00:22:30,130 --> 00:22:31,548
You're gonna walk down
to the CO's office...
375
00:22:31,631 --> 00:22:32,590
Please.
376
00:22:32,716 --> 00:22:33,758
You're gonna tell
him you were using
377
00:22:33,884 --> 00:22:34,926
and throw yourself
on his mercy.
378
00:22:35,052 --> 00:22:36,761
They'll put me in the SHU,
and I'll die in there.
379
00:22:36,887 --> 00:22:39,056
You won't die, you'll suffer.
380
00:22:39,848 --> 00:22:43,643
And then you'll come back out.
Say what you need to say.
381
00:22:44,186 --> 00:22:46,437
You're supposed
to be my family.
382
00:22:48,565 --> 00:22:50,441
Not anymore.
383
00:22:58,992 --> 00:23:02,079
Nicky!
Nicky, no! No!
384
00:23:02,495 --> 00:23:05,498
Please. Please!
Please, don't go!
385
00:23:06,124 --> 00:23:07,751
Stop. Wait!
386
00:23:07,876 --> 00:23:09,419
Damn.
387
00:23:09,544 --> 00:23:11,088
Esta bien, okay?
Come on, mama.
388
00:23:11,213 --> 00:23:12,214
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Almost there.
389
00:23:12,296 --> 00:23:13,464
All right.
You're doing great. Okay.
390
00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:14,758
Okay.
391
00:23:14,841 --> 00:23:15,884
Lie down.
392
00:23:15,967 --> 00:23:17,343
Oh, just my luck, right?
I go into labor
393
00:23:17,468 --> 00:23:18,845
the day
the fucking plague hits.
394
00:23:19,470 --> 00:23:20,710
They'll be here soon.
Just rest.
395
00:23:22,057 --> 00:23:23,558
You're gonna need your energy.
396
00:23:24,768 --> 00:23:27,062
You, quiet.
She's laboring here.
397
00:23:27,145 --> 00:23:28,605
Is the baby gonna
be staying with us?
398
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,109
You see any babies around here?
399
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:33,401
Besides you?
400
00:23:35,612 --> 00:23:39,950
I'll be back.
Breathe. Relax and breathe.
401
00:23:40,617 --> 00:23:42,744
And if you feel like you
gotta go to the bathroom,
402
00:23:42,827 --> 00:23:44,121
that's the baby comin'.
403
00:23:44,246 --> 00:23:45,287
Huh?
Hold it in
404
00:23:45,413 --> 00:23:47,289
and pray it doesn't
turn out like that one.
405
00:23:48,290 --> 00:23:50,292
Okay? I'll be right back.
406
00:23:54,089 --> 00:23:57,092
Y'all are like a novela.
You know that, right?
407
00:23:57,341 --> 00:23:59,970
Y'all are like some
cautionary tale shit.
408
00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:02,764
You two should tour
high schools for abstinence,
409
00:24:02,847 --> 00:24:06,017
'cause a minute with you two
is better than Plan B.
410
00:24:06,893 --> 00:24:07,978
Whatever.
411
00:24:10,147 --> 00:24:13,275
If my daughter ever
talked to me that way...
412
00:24:14,151 --> 00:24:16,569
If I ever talk
to her that way...
413
00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,363
I mean, shit.
What's the point?
414
00:24:20,322 --> 00:24:23,618
This world is full enough with
bitches trying to kill you.
415
00:24:28,623 --> 00:24:31,835
The hospital van just parked.
Let's go have a baby.
416
00:24:35,839 --> 00:24:37,299
Okay, okay.
417
00:24:37,381 --> 00:24:38,382
Good, good, good. Okay.
418
00:24:40,468 --> 00:24:41,803
Oh, my God...
419
00:24:41,886 --> 00:24:44,014
All right,
let's get you to the van.
420
00:24:44,097 --> 00:24:45,974
Everything's going to be okay.
421
00:24:49,186 --> 00:24:50,520
Hey, uh...
422
00:24:51,188 --> 00:24:53,273
Okay, so be careful.
423
00:24:53,355 --> 00:24:55,525
Relax. I do this all the time.
424
00:24:56,358 --> 00:24:57,359
Why?
425
00:24:57,485 --> 00:24:59,237
Because it's fucked up.
426
00:24:59,361 --> 00:25:01,405
And when you work
with geniuses like I do,
427
00:25:01,531 --> 00:25:03,616
the motor gets
stuck all the time.
428
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:04,826
Did you find it?
429
00:25:04,951 --> 00:25:06,995
I don't know. I need a
little more light back here.
430
00:25:07,078 --> 00:25:08,705
Okay. How about that?
431
00:25:09,331 --> 00:25:10,832
Better.
Okay.
432
00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:15,212
So,
it looks like the safety lock
433
00:25:15,377 --> 00:25:17,214
is connected
with a blue wire...
434
00:25:17,297 --> 00:25:18,298
Okay.
435
00:25:18,380 --> 00:25:20,424
...to something back
there that's got, like,
436
00:25:20,550 --> 00:25:22,593
two screws
sticking right out of it,
437
00:25:22,719 --> 00:25:25,387
and it's right next
to this T-shaped thing.
438
00:25:28,183 --> 00:25:29,809
Oh, damn it!
439
00:25:29,893 --> 00:25:31,686
Shit!
Shit!
440
00:25:31,769 --> 00:25:33,188
I have to get more batteries.
441
00:25:33,271 --> 00:25:34,564
Fuck! My glasses fell off.
442
00:25:34,689 --> 00:25:35,940
I'll be right back.
443
00:25:36,066 --> 00:25:38,442
I think I can
reach it if I could
444
00:25:38,568 --> 00:25:40,987
just angle my
fucking hand back there.
445
00:25:43,573 --> 00:25:44,782
What the fuck?
446
00:25:48,578 --> 00:25:49,913
What the hell are you doing?
447
00:25:49,996 --> 00:25:51,373
Who, me?
448
00:25:53,083 --> 00:25:55,668
I'm just getting started,
bitch.
449
00:26:08,139 --> 00:26:09,140
Oh...
450
00:26:09,933 --> 00:26:11,268
Fuck me.
451
00:26:17,648 --> 00:26:19,109
You wanted to see me?
452
00:26:20,402 --> 00:26:21,611
Patricia Miller.
453
00:26:22,195 --> 00:26:26,283
Trailer park all-star
with the classy neck tat?
454
00:26:26,366 --> 00:26:27,784
Oh, yeah.
455
00:26:28,034 --> 00:26:32,622
She just got a 100 series shot
for a nasty case of the DTs.
456
00:26:32,956 --> 00:26:33,957
Wow.
457
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,959
Hope they got a lot
of mops in the SHU.
458
00:26:37,627 --> 00:26:38,836
Did she say anything?
459
00:26:38,962 --> 00:26:40,630
She just cried and shook.
460
00:26:41,131 --> 00:26:43,716
Thing is,
she's been here 10 months.
461
00:26:44,801 --> 00:26:48,179
How come she doesn't go
cold turkey a while back?
462
00:26:49,597 --> 00:26:51,057
Something's been
getting in here.
463
00:26:51,141 --> 00:26:53,017
I always said,
when they first come through,
464
00:26:53,143 --> 00:26:55,061
we should check their
assholes thoroughly.
465
00:26:55,145 --> 00:26:59,565
If the wrong person realizes there's
product moving through this prison...
466
00:26:59,649 --> 00:27:02,693
It's one junkie.
It's an isolated thing.
467
00:27:02,819 --> 00:27:05,655
Oh, really?
I bet my balls we get 10 more
468
00:27:05,780 --> 00:27:08,158
sweating it out by
the end of the month.
469
00:27:11,577 --> 00:27:15,706
And if they turn up, the warden's
gonna want somebody's head.
470
00:27:17,334 --> 00:27:19,501
And it ain't gonna be mine.
471
00:27:20,753 --> 00:27:23,006
I'm sure it'll all be fine.
472
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,509
Besides, whatever she was
doing clearly ran out, right?
473
00:27:28,219 --> 00:27:30,554
So you're good.
474
00:27:31,055 --> 00:27:33,808
Let's see how good
I am a week from now.
475
00:27:34,767 --> 00:27:36,686
I hope, for all our sakes,
you're right.
476
00:27:40,606 --> 00:27:43,193
And Mendez? Question.
477
00:27:43,818 --> 00:27:45,445
It's off-topic.
478
00:27:45,903 --> 00:27:48,490
I got a look in a bar
last night.
479
00:27:48,948 --> 00:27:51,326
This guy...
480
00:27:53,370 --> 00:27:57,748
The mustache. It hasn't become
like a gay thing, has it?
481
00:27:59,709 --> 00:28:01,794
No. Fuck, no. Gay!
482
00:28:02,753 --> 00:28:05,882
The 'stache is not for fags,
it's for fuckin' men.
483
00:28:06,007 --> 00:28:07,008
Yeah.
484
00:28:07,133 --> 00:28:08,092
It's fuckin' all-beef,
485
00:28:08,218 --> 00:28:10,428
fucking cunt-ramming awesome.
486
00:28:12,222 --> 00:28:13,390
Okay.
487
00:28:14,556 --> 00:28:16,226
Just checking.
488
00:28:24,108 --> 00:28:26,403
Oh, my God. Alex?
489
00:28:27,111 --> 00:28:28,196
Get me out of here.
490
00:28:28,279 --> 00:28:31,782
What?
It's locked. Are you okay?
491
00:28:31,949 --> 00:28:32,992
No!
492
00:28:33,076 --> 00:28:34,994
Maybe I can, uh...
493
00:28:36,287 --> 00:28:37,288
What the hell happened?
494
00:28:37,414 --> 00:28:38,581
It was that
fucking meth-head!
495
00:28:38,998 --> 00:28:40,791
Seriously?
Yes!
496
00:28:41,084 --> 00:28:42,885
I'm gonna go get help.
No, no, no! No, no, no!
497
00:28:43,627 --> 00:28:44,837
Just open the door.
498
00:28:44,921 --> 00:28:47,090
If they find out that I was helping
you, I'm gonna get in trouble.
499
00:28:47,173 --> 00:28:48,341
You said so yourself.
500
00:28:48,425 --> 00:28:49,509
You offered.
501
00:28:49,633 --> 00:28:50,760
Are you serious?
502
00:28:50,843 --> 00:28:52,929
I told you that
this was a bad idea.
503
00:28:53,054 --> 00:28:54,180
I did!
504
00:28:54,264 --> 00:28:55,473
Don't you do that!
Do what?
505
00:28:55,598 --> 00:28:57,517
That thing.
Like this is my fault.
506
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:58,601
You know what I mean.
507
00:28:58,726 --> 00:29:00,353
Like you aren't
accountable for anything
508
00:29:00,478 --> 00:29:02,105
that ever happens
in your life, ever.
509
00:29:02,230 --> 00:29:04,630
Am I supposed to tell them that
I made you get into the dryer?
510
00:29:04,648 --> 00:29:07,151
No, I want you to get me out.
511
00:29:07,318 --> 00:29:11,364
Read that manual, unjam the
door, step the fuck up!
512
00:29:13,783 --> 00:29:15,159
Wait, Piper,
where are you going?
513
00:29:15,285 --> 00:29:16,327
I'm just gonna go...
514
00:29:16,453 --> 00:29:17,454
No! Don't you go!
515
00:29:17,579 --> 00:29:19,247
Don't you fucking leave me.
516
00:29:29,215 --> 00:29:30,383
Okay.
517
00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:33,303
"Okay," what?
518
00:29:38,391 --> 00:29:39,642
I'm here.
519
00:29:46,566 --> 00:29:50,445
So, this is all of 'em, huh?
All the approved vendors?
520
00:29:50,528 --> 00:29:52,655
That's it.
Just those five.
521
00:29:53,239 --> 00:29:55,699
Nobody else gets
through this gate?
522
00:29:56,075 --> 00:29:58,161
No suspicious delivery guy,
523
00:29:58,286 --> 00:30:01,623
no shady-lookin' mook
in a fuckin' tampon truck?
524
00:30:01,914 --> 00:30:05,709
There's creepy linens dude,
and the dry goods lady,
525
00:30:05,876 --> 00:30:07,837
the vegetable people.
526
00:30:08,838 --> 00:30:12,467
Sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it?
The Vegetable People?
527
00:30:12,550 --> 00:30:17,888
Like a giant celery serial
killer, carrying a machete,
528
00:30:18,014 --> 00:30:22,477
or broccoli lightin'
shit up with a flame-thrower.
529
00:30:24,354 --> 00:30:27,190
"Who's a smoothie,
now, bitches?"
530
00:30:30,652 --> 00:30:32,028
Asshole.
531
00:30:33,029 --> 00:30:34,322
Shit's funny.
532
00:30:35,114 --> 00:30:36,274
It's almost count time.
533
00:30:36,282 --> 00:30:37,325
I know. I know.
534
00:30:37,741 --> 00:30:39,118
I'm pretty sure
I'm suffocating.
535
00:30:40,161 --> 00:30:41,663
Ow!
536
00:30:42,622 --> 00:30:44,123
Loud.
Sorry.
537
00:30:47,418 --> 00:30:49,920
So, what,
Nicky never came back?
538
00:30:50,505 --> 00:30:53,257
Your girlfriend? No.
539
00:30:55,426 --> 00:30:56,386
My girlfriend?
540
00:30:56,511 --> 00:30:57,512
Yeah.
541
00:30:58,179 --> 00:30:59,763
What's that supposed to mean?
542
00:30:59,889 --> 00:31:01,516
Nothing. Never mind.
543
00:31:01,599 --> 00:31:02,850
No, what do you mean by that?
544
00:31:02,975 --> 00:31:04,227
I said, nothing.
I said, never mind.
545
00:31:04,310 --> 00:31:06,270
What, you expect me to wait
for you to come around?
546
00:31:06,896 --> 00:31:08,690
Come around?
Yeah.
547
00:31:08,772 --> 00:31:11,651
As in "get back
together" come around?
548
00:31:11,775 --> 00:31:13,570
Are you kidding me?
549
00:31:14,571 --> 00:31:16,406
I'm engaged.
Right.
550
00:31:17,407 --> 00:31:19,909
You know what?
Do not confuse this.
551
00:31:20,910 --> 00:31:26,790
Maybe, just maybe, we will
get friendly again. Maybe.
552
00:31:26,916 --> 00:31:28,751
We were never friends, Piper.
We weren't...
553
00:31:28,876 --> 00:31:31,254
No. Not for a second.
554
00:31:32,088 --> 00:31:35,717
I loved you,
I loved having sex with you.
555
00:31:40,012 --> 00:31:42,765
And more importantly, I am not
suggesting that I want you back,
556
00:31:42,890 --> 00:31:44,267
you Park Slope narcissist.
557
00:31:44,350 --> 00:31:48,020
I mean for you to come around
like an actual human being.
558
00:31:48,104 --> 00:31:50,814
And not with some
hollow bullshit apology,
559
00:31:50,940 --> 00:31:54,736
or that cute little sad face that
might work on your fucking boyfriend.
560
00:31:55,986 --> 00:31:57,447
I've been waiting
for you to come around,
561
00:31:57,572 --> 00:31:58,948
and treat me like
an actual human being
562
00:31:59,073 --> 00:32:01,618
and realize what a fucking
horse's ass you've been.
563
00:32:01,701 --> 00:32:02,952
I've been a horse's ass?
564
00:32:03,077 --> 00:32:04,287
Fuck, yeah!
565
00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:06,872
Fuck you! And this dryer!
566
00:32:06,956 --> 00:32:11,502
This fucking shitty
piece of goddamn dryer!
567
00:32:12,878 --> 00:32:13,921
Dryer!
568
00:32:15,715 --> 00:32:17,383
So abusive.
569
00:32:18,342 --> 00:32:21,178
Maybe if you tried
talking nice to it,
570
00:32:21,304 --> 00:32:26,476
or, uh, if you took your top
off and rubbed up against it.
571
00:32:26,601 --> 00:32:28,436
Might, uh, pop open then,
right, huh?
572
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:31,648
Shit.
573
00:32:37,737 --> 00:32:38,988
What the hell's going on?
574
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,323
Fuck.
575
00:32:43,159 --> 00:32:44,744
Where was it we're going?
576
00:32:44,827 --> 00:32:46,870
Wherever I tell you to go.
577
00:32:47,997 --> 00:32:52,669
Okay. It's just, I'm not supposed
to be this far from camp.
578
00:32:54,086 --> 00:32:57,757
You're not supposed to wear that
pretty whore lipstick either,
579
00:32:58,549 --> 00:32:59,801
but you do, don't ya?
580
00:33:10,019 --> 00:33:11,228
Yeah, stop here.
581
00:33:15,232 --> 00:33:16,900
Shut the car off.
582
00:33:28,954 --> 00:33:30,790
The old Moscow mule.
583
00:33:31,874 --> 00:33:32,916
Red?
584
00:33:33,042 --> 00:33:34,960
She's got a way of
bringing stuff in.
585
00:33:35,961 --> 00:33:39,799
It's not really up to code.
Do you know what I mean?
586
00:33:40,090 --> 00:33:41,384
No.
587
00:33:41,801 --> 00:33:44,053
I need to know how.
588
00:33:47,515 --> 00:33:49,642
I don't know what
you're talking about.
589
00:33:49,726 --> 00:33:52,436
I drive, I don't work kitchen.
590
00:33:52,562 --> 00:33:55,231
I know. You're afraid of her.
591
00:33:58,776 --> 00:34:02,655
Shit,
I don't blame you.
592
00:34:03,740 --> 00:34:06,075
But you know what?
593
00:34:09,579 --> 00:34:15,585
There are things out here much worse
than some scary Russian bitch.
594
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:23,926
I'm gonna ask you again.
Nicely.
595
00:34:25,511 --> 00:34:30,725
And then the third time,
it's not gonna be very nice.
596
00:34:32,685 --> 00:34:33,936
For you.
597
00:34:37,189 --> 00:34:38,608
I told you.
598
00:34:39,901 --> 00:34:42,027
I don't know what she does.
599
00:34:42,111 --> 00:34:44,781
I drive,
and I do what I need to do.
600
00:34:48,409 --> 00:34:52,622
And I can't help you
'cause I really don't know.
601
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,043
So you do whatever.
602
00:35:00,254 --> 00:35:03,132
I can't tell you
what I don't know.
603
00:35:18,856 --> 00:35:20,858
Start the car, inmate.
604
00:35:21,150 --> 00:35:23,152
You're too far from camp.
605
00:35:30,033 --> 00:35:33,454
I mean, what
exactly were you two doing?
606
00:35:33,537 --> 00:35:34,497
When I got there,
607
00:35:34,622 --> 00:35:36,874
the blonde one was screaming and
the hot one was stuck inside.
608
00:35:36,999 --> 00:35:38,167
The hot one?
The hot one?
609
00:35:40,753 --> 00:35:42,546
You can go, Luchek.
610
00:35:43,172 --> 00:35:45,883
Okay.
And it's, uh, Luschek.
611
00:35:47,677 --> 00:35:49,512
Like a "loose check."
612
00:35:52,014 --> 00:35:55,142
How long have I
worked here, man? God!
613
00:35:56,310 --> 00:35:57,311
Mr. Healy, it was...
I asked her.
614
00:35:58,521 --> 00:35:59,642
No, I...
Look, I volunteered.
615
00:35:59,647 --> 00:36:00,606
No, no, no.
I asked her.
616
00:36:00,690 --> 00:36:01,858
She works in the laundry room,
617
00:36:01,983 --> 00:36:04,485
so I figured she knew more
about the machines than I did.
618
00:36:04,568 --> 00:36:08,364
I know that I wasn't
supposed to, but I did.
619
00:36:08,698 --> 00:36:10,157
This is my fault.
No. Mr. Healy...
620
00:36:10,282 --> 00:36:11,450
Now, just shut up.
621
00:36:15,997 --> 00:36:20,417
A couple of years ago, we found two
women naked from the waist down,
622
00:36:20,543 --> 00:36:23,713
sitting on those dryers
for their own enjoyment.
623
00:36:26,215 --> 00:36:28,896
You wouldn't happen to have been
doing anything like that, would you?
624
00:36:30,219 --> 00:36:31,679
I'm more of
a dishwasher kind of gal, sir.
625
00:36:34,264 --> 00:36:36,099
What?
Nothing.
626
00:36:42,773 --> 00:36:44,400
Glad you're making
new friends, Chapman.
627
00:36:45,693 --> 00:36:46,903
I'm writing you both a shot.
628
00:36:46,986 --> 00:36:48,821
Now get the hell
out of my office.
629
00:36:52,616 --> 00:36:53,993
Chapman.
630
00:36:54,911 --> 00:36:58,163
You think if I wrote stories about
you, I might make the papers?
631
00:36:59,999 --> 00:37:02,960
'Cause I'm gathering
a nice collection here.
632
00:37:07,673 --> 00:37:11,385
Due to repairs, clean
clothes can be picked up tomorrow.
633
00:37:21,896 --> 00:37:24,607
Whoa. You moved her in?
The fuck is she doing?
634
00:37:24,690 --> 00:37:28,193
What I told her to do.
And watch your tone.
635
00:37:28,277 --> 00:37:30,112
It's my bunk, too.
I get no say in this?
636
00:37:30,237 --> 00:37:32,949
No one gets a say. She was
assigned by her counselor.
637
00:37:33,074 --> 00:37:34,155
And she'll be good for you.
638
00:37:34,241 --> 00:37:35,576
She never talks.
639
00:37:35,701 --> 00:37:37,078
You might learn something.
640
00:37:41,665 --> 00:37:43,333
I've got friends
of my own, you know.
641
00:37:43,459 --> 00:37:44,543
There's other people
in this prison,
642
00:37:44,627 --> 00:37:46,587
not just the ones who drink
your goddamn Kool-Aid.
643
00:37:46,670 --> 00:37:50,758
Are you finished? You're
starting to sound finished.
644
00:37:58,682 --> 00:38:00,017
What, huh?
645
00:38:10,820 --> 00:38:11,946
We had fun as usual.
646
00:38:13,114 --> 00:38:14,364
It couldn't be any other way.
647
00:38:16,283 --> 00:38:18,494
The music was beautiful,
the weather was great.
648
00:38:19,620 --> 00:38:20,997
We had a lot of fun.
649
00:38:22,748 --> 00:38:24,207
Dimitri. So good to see you.
650
00:38:24,333 --> 00:38:25,626
Good to see you too.
651
00:38:26,710 --> 00:38:28,337
I didn't know to expect you.
652
00:38:28,420 --> 00:38:31,715
Wait a minute, you've got to have some
Khalva back there or something, no?
653
00:38:31,841 --> 00:38:35,678
Something sweet for us?
To go with the coffee?
654
00:38:44,436 --> 00:38:45,562
Of course.
655
00:38:45,813 --> 00:38:47,773
I'll do it now, right away.
656
00:38:53,779 --> 00:38:58,241
Anyway, our guy looked into the
government contracts thing.
657
00:38:58,367 --> 00:38:59,493
Schools, hospitals.
658
00:38:59,618 --> 00:39:00,744
Yeah?
659
00:39:00,870 --> 00:39:02,872
Looks like we'll be able
to work something out.
660
00:39:10,337 --> 00:39:14,383
To this motherfucking
wanker right here.
661
00:39:14,550 --> 00:39:15,759
Here we go.
662
00:39:15,885 --> 00:39:20,597
To the first of many articles in
world-class publishing and the like.
663
00:39:20,890 --> 00:39:25,268
After this comes the book deal,
and then the movie deal,
664
00:39:25,561 --> 00:39:29,773
and then the inevitable
sexual harassment scandal.
665
00:39:32,776 --> 00:39:34,570
Big-time newspaperman.
666
00:39:35,905 --> 00:39:36,864
Salud!
667
00:39:36,947 --> 00:39:37,948
Salud!
668
00:39:38,199 --> 00:39:39,449
Cheers.
Salud.
669
00:39:39,575 --> 00:39:40,743
Cheers.
670
00:39:42,369 --> 00:39:44,538
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
671
00:39:45,706 --> 00:39:46,874
Mmm.
672
00:39:51,962 --> 00:39:53,296
It's my shout.
673
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,175
You having an okay time?
674
00:39:57,342 --> 00:40:01,471
What? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
675
00:40:03,724 --> 00:40:07,228
This is great.
Really, Polly, thank you.
676
00:40:07,310 --> 00:40:09,230
This is awesome.
677
00:40:09,312 --> 00:40:11,440
It must be hard without her.
678
00:40:11,523 --> 00:40:12,566
You have no idea.
679
00:40:12,649 --> 00:40:14,193
She'd want you to have
a good time, I'm sure.
680
00:40:14,276 --> 00:40:15,778
Yeah, I know.
681
00:40:15,861 --> 00:40:17,780
Doesn't make it any easier, though.
Right.
682
00:40:17,863 --> 00:40:19,281
Probably makes it harder.
683
00:40:19,406 --> 00:40:20,824
Bingo.
684
00:40:23,452 --> 00:40:26,038
I know I should be
feeling thrilled right now.
685
00:40:26,663 --> 00:40:31,418
I'm in print, I'm young-ish.
686
00:40:32,253 --> 00:40:35,505
And I'm healthy. Also "ish."
687
00:40:37,424 --> 00:40:43,513
I'm alive. I'm a living, breathing
thing, and it's really...
688
00:40:43,639 --> 00:40:45,808
It's overwhelming
how lucky I am.
689
00:40:47,559 --> 00:40:51,063
But yet every night
I go to bed,
690
00:40:51,897 --> 00:40:53,690
and I have this
gnawing feeling.
691
00:40:53,816 --> 00:40:56,693
Like what I've
got is not enough.
692
00:40:57,611 --> 00:40:59,931
And every morning I wake up
thinking the feeling'll be gone,
693
00:40:59,989 --> 00:41:02,866
but it's not.
694
00:41:05,535 --> 00:41:08,664
Does that make me a selfish,
695
00:41:08,747 --> 00:41:12,668
fucking ungrateful douche bag?
696
00:41:14,670 --> 00:41:15,963
Larry, honey...
697
00:41:16,046 --> 00:41:17,047
Hmm?
698
00:41:17,673 --> 00:41:18,924
Take me to the hospital.
699
00:41:19,508 --> 00:41:21,677
Now? Now?
Now.
700
00:41:23,720 --> 00:41:25,639
This fiance of yours...
701
00:41:25,889 --> 00:41:27,432
Hmm?
702
00:41:28,100 --> 00:41:30,186
What's it like when
he comes to visit?
703
00:41:30,644 --> 00:41:31,979
It's good.
704
00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:38,194
It's weird.
705
00:41:42,031 --> 00:41:46,035
Sometimes it feels like
there's never enough time,
706
00:41:47,536 --> 00:41:49,371
and then sometimes
707
00:41:50,706 --> 00:41:52,791
it feels like
708
00:41:52,875 --> 00:41:56,295
there's actually too much.
709
00:41:56,712 --> 00:41:57,921
What do you mean by that?
710
00:41:58,088 --> 00:42:01,424
There's no menu, or basket
of bread on the table,
711
00:42:02,384 --> 00:42:04,178
or TV to glance at.
712
00:42:05,262 --> 00:42:09,308
It's just us,
looking at each other,
713
00:42:09,683 --> 00:42:11,393
which can be great.
714
00:42:12,853 --> 00:42:14,479
And it should be.
715
00:42:16,606 --> 00:42:18,275
But sometimes...
716
00:42:22,738 --> 00:42:25,532
You just need to look away.
717
00:42:30,246 --> 00:42:33,540
Someone told me that you
never have had a visitor.
718
00:42:36,459 --> 00:42:38,254
Can I ask why?
719
00:42:45,594 --> 00:42:47,930
I guess I just
had to look away.
720
00:42:57,231 --> 00:42:58,274
Larry?
721
00:42:59,275 --> 00:43:01,277
Hey. I'm just relaxing,
being normal.
722
00:43:01,402 --> 00:43:02,485
Reading about, uh...
723
00:43:04,738 --> 00:43:08,242
Piper, that's my rinsing cup. Piper,
you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup.
724
00:43:08,325 --> 00:43:09,826
Well, you put your
pee stick in my vagina.
725
00:43:09,952 --> 00:43:11,472
And that's why
we're in this situation.
726
00:43:11,536 --> 00:43:14,831
I love it when you call my
mighty staff a pee stick.
727
00:43:17,918 --> 00:43:19,878
I think I might want it.
728
00:43:21,838 --> 00:43:23,465
My mighty staff?
729
00:43:25,801 --> 00:43:27,094
Piper, there is no "it" yet.
730
00:43:27,177 --> 00:43:28,762
I know. But if there is...
731
00:43:32,141 --> 00:43:33,683
You're going to prison
in three months.
732
00:43:33,809 --> 00:43:35,689
I know. I could be pregnant
while I'm in prison.
733
00:43:35,811 --> 00:43:37,354
What else am I
gonna be doing in there?
734
00:43:37,479 --> 00:43:39,982
How did we go from
not talking about kids at all
735
00:43:40,107 --> 00:43:41,317
to starting a prison family?
736
00:43:41,483 --> 00:43:43,764
People are always saying that
there's never a perfect time.
737
00:43:43,819 --> 00:43:47,697
Okay, I'm not sure that
our current situation applies here.
738
00:43:50,826 --> 00:43:52,911
Are we at least gonna
talk about other options?
739
00:43:54,997 --> 00:43:55,998
You mean...
740
00:43:56,581 --> 00:43:59,251
It's not Voldemort.
You can say it. Abortion.
741
00:43:59,835 --> 00:44:00,836
Oh.
742
00:44:00,961 --> 00:44:04,465
Look, not... Okay, not that
I'd insist, Piper. Okay? I...
743
00:44:05,257 --> 00:44:08,260
Your body, yourself.
It's a wonderland.
744
00:44:08,344 --> 00:44:09,845
I just...
745
00:44:11,096 --> 00:44:13,432
I'm just... I'm still
stuck in the mindset
746
00:44:13,515 --> 00:44:15,976
that I've been in
for so long. I don't...
747
00:44:16,185 --> 00:44:18,645
Like when Polly
and Pete told us,
748
00:44:19,355 --> 00:44:22,191
I felt panicked for them
before I remembered
749
00:44:22,316 --> 00:44:24,117
that people actually want
to get pregnant now.
750
00:44:24,193 --> 00:44:26,153
So you're saying
that you don't want it.
751
00:44:27,529 --> 00:44:30,157
I want to have a family with you, Piper.
Of course.
752
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:32,742
So, listen. You know
all those conversations
753
00:44:32,868 --> 00:44:37,539
that we've had about making
my time in there meaningful?
754
00:44:39,458 --> 00:44:42,752
Well, we could, we could
start a new future now,
755
00:44:42,878 --> 00:44:43,879
instead of waiting.
756
00:44:45,797 --> 00:44:47,757
Piper,
the baby would come home,
757
00:44:47,883 --> 00:44:49,885
and you would still be in jail.
758
00:44:52,553 --> 00:44:55,891
Let's see what the pee stick
has to say about this.
759
00:45:06,735 --> 00:45:08,111
I feel sad.
760
00:45:10,489 --> 00:45:12,324
I feel sad that you feel sad.
761
00:45:22,292 --> 00:45:25,586
He's beautiful.
I mean, I don't know.
762
00:45:25,670 --> 00:45:28,173
That's what you're supposed to say, right?
It's a baby.
763
00:45:28,257 --> 00:45:29,417
You have to say it's amazing.
764
00:45:29,425 --> 00:45:30,633
I mean, you can't say,
765
00:45:30,759 --> 00:45:32,593
"It's amazing how much he
looks like John Goodman."
766
00:45:32,677 --> 00:45:34,930
Okay, so tell me everything.
From the very beginning.
767
00:45:35,055 --> 00:45:36,098
You got Polly into the...
768
00:45:36,181 --> 00:45:37,849
I got Polly in,
she's changing into her gown,
769
00:45:37,933 --> 00:45:39,059
and she's like,
"Where's Pete?" Yes.
770
00:45:39,142 --> 00:45:40,269
"Where the hell is Pete?"
771
00:45:40,352 --> 00:45:43,355
So I go out and he's not in the
waiting room, he's not in the lobby.
772
00:45:43,439 --> 00:45:46,691
I look outside. He is...
He's on the ground, Piper.
773
00:45:46,775 --> 00:45:49,736
He's on the fucking pavement,
wrestling with the cab driver.
774
00:45:49,861 --> 00:45:51,029
Jesus!
775
00:45:51,154 --> 00:45:52,281
Yeah. He left his
credit card at the bar.
776
00:45:52,406 --> 00:45:55,616
And I can't pay the guy, 'cause of
course Pete had done his whole,
777
00:45:55,742 --> 00:45:58,245
you know, "Don't bring a cent.
Your money's no good here.
778
00:45:58,328 --> 00:45:59,580
"Tonight is your night, mate,"
779
00:45:59,662 --> 00:46:02,958
so I had to let the guy run the
meter until Polly's dad got there.
780
00:46:03,041 --> 00:46:06,086
And Polly's dad
rolled his eyes, 'cause...
781
00:46:06,169 --> 00:46:07,754
Of course he rolled
his fucking eyes!
782
00:46:07,837 --> 00:46:09,965
And I'm like, "P.S., dickhead,
I just saved your grandchild
783
00:46:10,090 --> 00:46:11,967
"from being born
on a gin-soaked
784
00:46:12,134 --> 00:46:13,969
"shuffleboard table.
You're welcome."
785
00:46:14,094 --> 00:46:15,636
Did she get the extra stitch?
786
00:46:16,805 --> 00:46:17,889
I don't know what that is.
787
00:46:17,973 --> 00:46:20,058
But everyone was
asking about you, Pipes.
788
00:46:20,142 --> 00:46:21,935
I mean, everyone at the bar.
789
00:46:22,018 --> 00:46:24,521
Literally every
chance they got.
790
00:46:24,645 --> 00:46:26,231
People like you, Piper Chapman.
791
00:46:27,648 --> 00:46:28,817
Even people that
haven't met you.
792
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:31,278
One of Polly's friends? She said
she felt like she knows you
793
00:46:31,361 --> 00:46:33,405
because of how well
I captured your spirit.
794
00:46:36,992 --> 00:46:38,785
She doesn't know me.
795
00:46:41,830 --> 00:46:44,374
That girl that you wrote about?
That's not me.
796
00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:45,834
What do you mean?
797
00:46:50,964 --> 00:46:52,341
Nothing.
798
00:46:55,344 --> 00:46:58,096
Do you think that I'm a
narcissist or a horse's ass?
799
00:46:58,180 --> 00:47:01,682
What? No, of course not.
Why would you say that?
800
00:47:05,020 --> 00:47:06,771
I missed your party.
801
00:47:09,690 --> 00:47:12,319
I couldn't get the dryer open.
802
00:47:13,111 --> 00:47:16,532
And I wasn't there when my
best friend had her baby.
803
00:47:18,450 --> 00:47:20,202
It's just shitty.
804
00:47:23,830 --> 00:47:25,040
I know.
805
00:47:58,281 --> 00:47:59,324
I got her.
806
00:48:08,083 --> 00:48:10,168
Come on, honey.
You're not alone.
807
00:48:48,039 --> 00:48:49,499
This room is for prayer.
808
00:48:49,625 --> 00:48:50,917
Never heard of it.
809
00:48:52,544 --> 00:48:53,836
We need to talk.
810
00:48:58,883 --> 00:49:01,136
Heard about your old roommate.
811
00:49:01,219 --> 00:49:03,846
Sent down to seg,
and an extended sentence.
812
00:49:03,972 --> 00:49:05,307
It's a raw deal.
813
00:49:06,099 --> 00:49:07,183
Yeah.
814
00:49:09,311 --> 00:49:11,563
I got a couple questions
that I need to ask you.
815
00:49:11,647 --> 00:49:13,649
I think you may know
the answers to 'em.
816
00:49:13,774 --> 00:49:16,901
About Red and the way
that she runs her business.
817
00:49:23,366 --> 00:49:26,161
And I would think that a smart,
savvy person like yourself
818
00:49:26,286 --> 00:49:27,663
would know an opportunity...
819
00:49:27,746 --> 00:49:29,205
Neptune's Produce.
820
00:49:29,414 --> 00:49:31,667
You wanna know how she
gets the contraband in?
821
00:49:31,792 --> 00:49:35,003
That's it.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
822
00:49:48,183 --> 00:49:50,185
Reminder, ladies,
823
00:49:50,352 --> 00:49:52,354
to wash your hands,
and do not share towels.
824
00:49:53,188 --> 00:49:55,732
Clean ladies are
healthy ladies.
825
00:50:00,696 --> 00:50:02,238
I know, right?
All right.
826
00:50:02,364 --> 00:50:03,990
Later.
827
00:50:15,794 --> 00:50:17,253
What's up, T?
828
00:50:22,008 --> 00:50:23,426
Yo, we gotta get some hot sauce
829
00:50:23,552 --> 00:50:24,927
in this bitch,
like you said, man.
830
00:50:25,053 --> 00:50:27,514
Tapatio, Texas Pete...
Shit, I don't even care.
831
00:50:28,807 --> 00:50:30,809
Yo, if that shit
don't come through soon,
832
00:50:30,933 --> 00:50:32,893
you gotta start
filibustin' the WAC.
833
00:50:33,019 --> 00:50:34,771
I heard back from the board.
834
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:39,984
Yo, T, them motherfuckers don't know shit.
You know that.
835
00:50:40,068 --> 00:50:41,528
I'm getting out.
836
00:50:44,113 --> 00:50:45,323
Wait, you ain't playin'?
837
00:50:45,532 --> 00:50:46,533
No.
838
00:50:49,910 --> 00:50:51,329
Tays!
839
00:50:53,749 --> 00:50:55,166
Oh, my...
840
00:51:03,341 --> 00:51:05,343
Mail delivery will be delayed
841
00:51:05,468 --> 00:51:07,470
as letters are being
screened for anthrax.
842
00:51:08,221 --> 00:51:10,766
So, you have
experience in kitchens.
843
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,309
Food preparation?
844
00:51:15,144 --> 00:51:16,937
Some experience. Yes.
845
00:51:17,938 --> 00:51:20,108
Maybe we can get
you a job in here.
846
00:51:20,233 --> 00:51:23,445
You know, Angie, our last cook,
she's no longer with us.
847
00:51:23,528 --> 00:51:24,945
She got out?
848
00:51:26,114 --> 00:51:28,324
Yeah, something like that.
849
00:51:31,453 --> 00:51:32,953
Romano?
850
00:51:37,417 --> 00:51:39,001
Reznikov.
Red.
851
00:51:39,628 --> 00:51:41,588
Show her the ropes tomorrow.
852
00:51:41,671 --> 00:51:43,465
I look forward to it.
853
00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:57,437
Okay. Let me show
you around over here.
854
00:52:16,498 --> 00:52:17,791
Got a minute there, cowboy?
855
00:52:17,874 --> 00:52:18,999
Everything okay?
856
00:52:19,125 --> 00:52:23,003
Of course it is. We just gotta
have a little talk, you and me.
857
00:52:35,141 --> 00:52:36,518
Go ahead.
858
00:52:48,697 --> 00:52:49,865
You sick, too?
859
00:52:52,408 --> 00:52:53,535
Oh.
860
00:52:54,536 --> 00:52:56,412
Yeah, it got me a day late.
861
00:52:56,913 --> 00:52:58,080
Sorry.
862
00:53:03,879 --> 00:53:06,422
What, are you a vampire now?
Do you need an invitation?
863
00:53:08,758 --> 00:53:10,385
Not too close, though.
I'm contagious.
864
00:53:10,510 --> 00:53:12,303
I know.
865
00:53:17,559 --> 00:53:21,563
I'm plotting my revenge on that
redneck fucking Deliverance extra.
866
00:53:21,688 --> 00:53:23,231
If you want in.
867
00:53:23,481 --> 00:53:24,649
Maybe.
868
00:53:28,361 --> 00:53:30,947
You seem depressed.
Even for prison.
869
00:53:33,324 --> 00:53:35,493
You know, if you ever
wanna talk about it,
870
00:53:35,618 --> 00:53:37,829
that's what
the counselors are for.
871
00:53:45,003 --> 00:53:48,339
Personally, I went on sad
drugs when I got here,
872
00:53:48,423 --> 00:53:50,008
and they worked for a while,
873
00:53:50,090 --> 00:53:52,761
but now I just cheek 'em and
trade 'em for black eyeliner.
874
00:53:56,096 --> 00:53:58,266
They make me constipated.
875
00:53:58,516 --> 00:54:02,311
I would rather shit and cry than
strain and nap all the time.
876
00:54:05,273 --> 00:54:06,775
What's wrong?
877
00:54:07,692 --> 00:54:08,735
Really.
878
00:54:10,110 --> 00:54:12,112
He wrote an article about me.
879
00:54:12,238 --> 00:54:13,615
The fiance?
Mmm-hmm.
880
00:54:15,283 --> 00:54:17,077
"One Sentence,
Two Prisoners."
881
00:54:17,159 --> 00:54:18,286
Oh, it's a terrible title.
882
00:54:18,411 --> 00:54:19,537
I know.
883
00:54:19,704 --> 00:54:22,540
And I'm happy for him,
but he got...
884
00:54:23,416 --> 00:54:27,879
He got so much of it so wrong.
885
00:54:30,673 --> 00:54:32,926
I'm not somebody's girlfriend.
886
00:54:35,929 --> 00:54:39,724
I'm not some cool story at a
yuppie fucking cocktail party.
887
00:54:39,808 --> 00:54:42,644
"You did a year in the Peace Corps?
I did a year in prison."
888
00:54:43,227 --> 00:54:44,854
Fuck, no!
889
00:54:45,187 --> 00:54:47,273
Those things we did,
you and me,
890
00:54:47,398 --> 00:54:49,484
that wasn't adventure
or a romp.
891
00:54:56,616 --> 00:54:58,409
That was my life.
892
00:55:04,082 --> 00:55:05,541
You want me to kill him?
893
00:55:08,878 --> 00:55:11,714
I may be a sick lesbian
in a prison bunk,
894
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,467
but I got a couple tricks up my sleeve.
895
00:55:16,552 --> 00:55:18,346
Ugh.
896
00:55:19,014 --> 00:55:21,390
I feel like I am
missing so much.
897
00:55:25,353 --> 00:55:26,562
Me, too.
898
00:55:47,042 --> 00:55:48,584
Why are you making that face?
899
00:55:56,092 --> 00:55:57,343
Shit.
900
00:56:08,228 --> 00:56:11,607
I brought you this.
In case you throw up.
901
00:56:12,274 --> 00:56:14,819
Keep it there
till you feel better.
902
00:56:14,944 --> 00:56:16,029
Thanks.
903
00:56:18,406 --> 00:56:20,200
She have the baby?
Yeah.
904
00:56:20,950 --> 00:56:22,410
11:53 p.m.
905
00:56:22,827 --> 00:56:25,830
Some blanca guesser
bitch won the Twix.
906
00:56:35,131 --> 00:56:36,298
How are you feeling?
907
00:56:37,425 --> 00:56:38,467
Fine.
908
00:56:39,677 --> 00:56:41,971
Everyone else seems
to be getting over it.
909
00:56:42,097 --> 00:56:44,432
I should be back
to normal soon.
910
00:56:45,433 --> 00:56:46,976
You ain't got what
everybody else has.
911
00:56:47,102 --> 00:56:48,310
How do you know?
912
00:56:48,436 --> 00:56:50,939
'Cause your tits
are popping out of your shirt.
913
00:56:51,022 --> 00:56:53,816
Same shit happened to me
every fuckin' time.
914
00:56:53,942 --> 00:56:55,193
Every time what?
915
00:56:56,986 --> 00:56:58,613
You'll feel better
in nine months.
916
00:57:11,126 --> 00:57:21,464
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com