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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Don't crowd, and do
not, under any circumstances,
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00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,993
sneeze on me.
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00:01:27,119 --> 00:01:29,497
I will write you
up if you sneeze,
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or if you, in any way,
get me moist with your fluids.
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Please, step back,
there's plenty for everyone
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till we run out.
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Okay, I need to make sure
you swallowed that.
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Op... Thank you.
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Ah!
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I got mad control
over my epiglottis.
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Here.
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Trust me.
Have you been out there?
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I look like Michael Jackson.
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No, I...
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I think you've got
the wrong skin tone.
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00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:03,049
I look like Michael Jackson.
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Whoo!
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Well, if it isn't Litchfield's
biggest celebrity.
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I don't know what that means.
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Excuse me?
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00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:34,747
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just
trying to stay healthy.
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00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:38,626
Boyfriend wrote quite
the article about you.
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Larry?
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Oh, my God! Oh, my God,
is that the Times?
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00:03:46,968 --> 00:03:48,052
Yep.
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00:03:48,135 --> 00:03:50,096
He's in the Times?
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00:03:50,178 --> 00:03:51,513
What did he say?
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He went on and on about your
enchanting little love story.
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May I read it? I mean, I can wait
until you're done, obviously.
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00:03:58,186 --> 00:04:00,731
I had no idea that he would
actually make it in there.
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00:04:02,066 --> 00:04:04,860
Looks like I've
already thrown mine away.
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00:04:13,368 --> 00:04:16,330
Too much coffee irritates
the stomach lining.
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00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:18,165
Trying to cut down.
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00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:28,257
Inmate! Out of the trash!
36
00:04:28,342 --> 00:04:29,927
But I just need to get...
Out!
37
00:04:38,102 --> 00:04:39,770
Hey, there, baby bump.
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00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:42,064
I can't give you
the cold medicine,
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00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,358
but I have got some
menthol cough drops.
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00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:45,985
Crap.
They're somewhere in here.
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00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:49,488
I don't have a cold.
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00:04:49,613 --> 00:04:50,614
Oh?
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00:04:50,865 --> 00:04:53,617
That's good.
Is your back hurting again?
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00:04:56,495 --> 00:04:57,872
I'm in labor.
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00:04:58,205 --> 00:04:59,999
Oh, fuck.
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Morning, Red.
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If you're here to ransack
my kitchen again, go ahead.
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00:05:27,568 --> 00:05:30,237
The shelves could
use a little dusting.
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00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,655
Nah.
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00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:34,491
I'm here to do you a favor.
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00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:36,744
No, thanks.
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00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:42,083
One of your little
adopted daughters
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00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:44,877
woke up in full-tilt
withdrawal this morning.
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Withdrawal from what?
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00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:53,928
My girls are clean.
56
00:05:54,095 --> 00:05:55,096
Hmm.
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00:05:55,179 --> 00:05:58,015
Well, I guess this
one slipped in the mud.
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00:05:58,766 --> 00:06:02,770
Now that her supply's
been compromised,
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00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:06,314
little Tricia's got a mean
old case of the detox blues.
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00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:10,276
Then it's your fault.
Your mess.
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00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:12,029
You deal with it.
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00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,572
Believe me,
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you do not want to see
how I would deal with it.
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00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:23,498
Now, the prison doesn't need a case
of the junkie jitters on record,
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00:06:23,624 --> 00:06:26,292
and I'm pretty sure
that you don't want
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00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:29,295
people thinking
you've been a bad mommy.
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00:06:32,049 --> 00:06:34,635
So you're gonna
walk her through it.
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Quietly.
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00:06:42,517 --> 00:06:46,855
This whole time,
you've been giving it to her.
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00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:48,816
Really, Red?
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00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:53,946
At a time like this,
does that matter?
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I'll take care of it.
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I have eighty crates
of tomatoes rotting
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00:07:15,926 --> 00:07:19,972
in a Bensonhurst warehouse.
Eighty.
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00:07:20,514 --> 00:07:23,267
I lower prices, our
competition lowers prices.
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00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:28,105
And like this Neptune has lost
three restaurants in three weeks.
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00:07:28,189 --> 00:07:30,440
The men who run these restaurants,
maybe we meet with them, maybe you
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00:07:30,524 --> 00:07:31,525
make deal to bid the lowest.
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00:07:31,608 --> 00:07:34,611
It's not about the prices,
it's about the books.
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Right.
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We have to move
product regularly.
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00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:41,827
Then, and only then,
we can explain other income.
83
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:44,830
Maybe you're not
thinking big enough.
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00:07:45,789 --> 00:07:47,541
Restaurants come and go, yes?
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00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:49,793
Look at this place.
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Every week, we almost close.
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00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:54,923
But not schools.
Not hospitals.
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00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:56,008
Galina...
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All I'm saying is,
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you get something big,
something steady,
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00:08:00,929 --> 00:08:03,057
like the Italians
have with the garbage,
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00:08:03,598 --> 00:08:06,018
then you're not
out chasing bids.
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00:08:06,227 --> 00:08:10,647
My father,
he sold candy out of a box.
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00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:12,358
Every day,
up and down the street.
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00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,735
He walked so much
he wore holes in his shoes.
96
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,238
Until one day,
he passed by an army base,
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00:08:17,404 --> 00:08:19,447
right after
the soldiers' lunchtime.
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00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:22,201
And he realized
that all he had to do
99
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:25,120
was stand there
and open his box.
100
00:08:25,537 --> 00:08:27,373
He sold out in minutes.
101
00:08:28,082 --> 00:08:31,085
So he did it again,
day after day.
102
00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:33,128
There were always soldiers,
103
00:08:33,254 --> 00:08:34,588
there was always lunch,
104
00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:37,216
and they always
wanted candy bars.
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00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,426
No more holes in his shoes.
106
00:08:43,597 --> 00:08:44,932
I need more cream.
107
00:08:45,349 --> 00:08:47,309
Of course, honey.
108
00:09:06,494 --> 00:09:08,122
Got enough, bro?
109
00:09:08,538 --> 00:09:11,125
I wrote something in here.
Uh, a column.
110
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,001
Look. Look, look.
111
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:17,381
See that? That's me.
112
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:19,800
I'm a writer.
No shit.
113
00:09:19,883 --> 00:09:20,884
Yeah.
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00:09:20,968 --> 00:09:22,094
Arturo!
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Yeah?
116
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,056
Dude right here's in the paper.
117
00:09:27,391 --> 00:09:28,350
What'd he do?
118
00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:30,269
Check it.
Says he wrote a column!
119
00:09:30,978 --> 00:09:33,939
For real?
Yo, that's sick, son!
120
00:09:34,731 --> 00:09:35,690
It is?
121
00:09:35,816 --> 00:09:38,986
Someday you're gonna write
the whole paper, bro.
122
00:09:40,988 --> 00:09:42,072
Okay.
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00:09:42,489 --> 00:09:43,949
Yo, you on Facebook?
124
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,299
Shit.
125
00:10:04,011 --> 00:10:04,970
Hello?
126
00:10:05,053 --> 00:10:06,472
An inmate from
Litchfield Federal Prison
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00:10:06,554 --> 00:10:07,889
is attempting to contact you.
128
00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:09,850
To accept this call,
please press one.
129
00:10:10,725 --> 00:10:12,311
- Hey.
- Larry?
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00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,437
I've got great news.
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00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:14,771
Hi! I know.
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00:10:14,938 --> 00:10:16,064
You know?
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00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:17,358
Yeah,
your article came out today.
134
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:18,566
Isn't it great?
135
00:10:18,692 --> 00:10:22,196
I mean, I wasn't expecting it,
but I got the call last night.
136
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:23,989
So, apparently they
pulled Randy's story
137
00:10:24,072 --> 00:10:26,658
about, uh, the surge
in home breweries in Brooklyn
138
00:10:26,741 --> 00:10:28,535
because The New Yorker
is running one
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00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,371
on the surge in home
wineries in Brooklyn.
140
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:31,579
So they ran mine instead.
141
00:10:31,705 --> 00:10:32,873
That's great, honey.
142
00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:34,398
I know.
Everyone's been so positive.
143
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,419
My high school English teacher
called my parents.
144
00:10:37,544 --> 00:10:40,464
Your brother, he sent me a picture
text of a thumbs up.
145
00:10:40,547 --> 00:10:41,882
Can you read it to me?
146
00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:45,552
Want me to read it?
I am going to read it.
147
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,138
"One Sentence, Two Prisoners."
148
00:10:48,222 --> 00:10:50,224
That sounds like
"Two Girls, One Cup."
149
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:53,894
No, it doesn't. This is
one, two, not two, one.
150
00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:55,854
And no one is
shitting in any cup, okay?
151
00:10:55,937 --> 00:10:58,023
I left that part out.
Your secret is safe.
152
00:10:58,106 --> 00:10:59,358
Thanks.
153
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,528
Oh, hold on. Another one.
154
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:05,072
Let's see what it says.
It's from Pete.
155
00:11:09,034 --> 00:11:11,370
Porn. He just... He sent porn.
156
00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:17,251
What is that? Is that porn?
157
00:11:17,959 --> 00:11:18,960
Oh...
158
00:11:19,294 --> 00:11:20,962
Oh, Maria might be in labor.
159
00:11:21,088 --> 00:11:22,172
What?
160
00:11:22,423 --> 00:11:24,925
Could you google
symptoms of labor?
161
00:11:25,008 --> 00:11:26,385
They're running bets.
162
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:30,222
If I guess closest to the birth
time, I could win a Twix.
163
00:11:30,764 --> 00:11:32,640
I want to make
an educated guess.
164
00:11:32,766 --> 00:11:34,184
Isn't there a doctor in there?
165
00:11:34,268 --> 00:11:35,269
There's a nurse.
166
00:11:35,352 --> 00:11:36,602
He says that she's gotta
wait till her contractions
167
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,728
are less than a minute apart
to go to the hospital.
168
00:11:39,273 --> 00:11:41,483
That's cutting it pretty close.
All right, here we go.
169
00:11:42,192 --> 00:11:45,487
Okay, if her cervix has softened,
she's definitely in labor.
170
00:11:45,611 --> 00:11:48,073
Larry, how am I supposed to
tell if her cervix is soft?
171
00:11:48,156 --> 00:11:51,159
Oh, wait. Crowning.
Let's look at crowning.
172
00:11:51,785 --> 00:11:53,203
Oh, Jesus Christ.
173
00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,163
Yeah.
174
00:11:55,289 --> 00:11:56,957
I'll definitely
send that to Pete.
175
00:11:57,082 --> 00:12:00,502
Speaking of whom, he is taking
me out for a drink tonight.
176
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:05,090
Uh, Polly, too. And some other people.
To, uh, celebrate.
177
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,092
Sounds like fun.
178
00:12:09,094 --> 00:12:10,178
Who else is going?
179
00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:13,723
I don't know. Polly made a
last-minute Evite so...
180
00:12:13,807 --> 00:12:16,684
So you're having a party.
An Evite equals party.
181
00:12:16,810 --> 00:12:19,210
Why didn't you just tell me you
were going to a party tonight?
182
00:12:19,313 --> 00:12:20,646
With all of our friends.
183
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:23,649
You're not here to tell me I can't
wear brown shoes with black pants.
184
00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:25,444
It's pretty basic.
185
00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,653
I know. Still.
186
00:12:30,656 --> 00:12:32,867
I am really happy for you.
187
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,662
This is a really big thing.
188
00:12:38,206 --> 00:12:40,375
And it deserves
to be celebrated.
189
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,962
Yeah, okay.
190
00:12:44,712 --> 00:12:46,965
You're gonna have a great time.
191
00:12:47,924 --> 00:12:49,343
And you deserve that.
192
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,598
And on my end,
193
00:12:55,681 --> 00:12:58,602
I have a really
strong shot at a Twix bar.
194
00:12:59,853 --> 00:13:01,229
It's a great day.
195
00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:03,482
Of course.
196
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:06,026
I have to go to work soon.
Can you read me the article?
197
00:13:07,735 --> 00:13:10,531
The rest of the world got to
read your story before I did.
198
00:13:10,614 --> 00:13:11,948
Our story.
199
00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:15,369
Okay.
200
00:13:15,452 --> 00:13:16,662
Okay. Here it goes.
201
00:13:16,744 --> 00:13:18,580
"It always starts the same way,
202
00:13:18,704 --> 00:13:20,541
"with a latte
and a bacon scone.
203
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:21,875
"And then I hit the road..."
204
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,336
You gotta walk, honey.
205
00:13:24,419 --> 00:13:26,338
I'ma kill that motherfucker!
The nurse?
206
00:13:26,421 --> 00:13:28,965
My boyfriend.
And the nurse, too.
207
00:13:31,426 --> 00:13:33,470
Fuck him
and his fucking mother.
208
00:13:33,554 --> 00:13:34,804
Time?
It's the same.
209
00:13:34,888 --> 00:13:36,890
He said she cannot come back
until they're closer. I'm sorry.
210
00:13:37,015 --> 00:13:38,350
That maricon
wouldn't know labor
211
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,185
if that baby popped out and
slapped him in the fucking face.
212
00:13:40,268 --> 00:13:41,727
Well, it's not him.
It's the rules.
213
00:13:41,811 --> 00:13:43,438
Well,
he's the face of the rules.
214
00:13:43,564 --> 00:13:45,273
Just keep walking, mami.
I'm gonna try.
215
00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:47,901
Here. Had to haggle with las
negritas, but I got it.
216
00:13:48,026 --> 00:13:49,027
Got what?
217
00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:51,863
To get Lucy coming out, they
made me eat a whole pineapple.
218
00:13:52,406 --> 00:13:53,739
But that's pineapple soda.
219
00:13:53,823 --> 00:13:55,909
You know, for my son, they told
me to play with my chichitas.
220
00:13:56,034 --> 00:13:57,785
You know, it just
gets the hormones going.
221
00:13:57,911 --> 00:14:00,072
You know, you gotta just twiddle them.
You wanna try it?
222
00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:04,585
Come on, less talking.
Just breathe.
223
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,545
Okay. Come on.
224
00:14:20,684 --> 00:14:21,976
And then there were two.
225
00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:23,520
Where is everybody?
226
00:14:23,604 --> 00:14:27,065
They're sick. Pussies. I don't
believe in getting sick.
227
00:14:27,315 --> 00:14:28,316
Wow.
228
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,526
Mind over mucous, huh?
229
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:30,611
Yeah.
230
00:14:30,694 --> 00:14:33,196
That, and I stockpile
from commissary.
231
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,615
I'm on a cough syrup cocktail
232
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,283
that would make Lil Wayne
vomit in his dreads.
233
00:14:38,619 --> 00:14:40,454
New reading material.
234
00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:42,956
I'm assuming you're
both fluent in Hindi.
235
00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:44,708
I think there are pictures.
236
00:14:46,376 --> 00:14:48,336
There's a broken
dryer in the laundry room.
237
00:14:48,462 --> 00:14:50,922
Martha or Maddie or some shit.
238
00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:54,593
I can't keep track of the nicknames.
Just, uh, take care of it.
239
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:56,303
How?
240
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,432
Make it not broken.
241
00:15:17,324 --> 00:15:19,326
Man, I'm never
gonna get this shit.
242
00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:21,244
The label fell off.
243
00:15:21,411 --> 00:15:24,372
Guide to Bird-Watching.
Seven-hundreds?
244
00:15:24,498 --> 00:15:26,416
Five-hundreds.
That's science.
245
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:27,668
But it's a hobby, though.
246
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:29,628
A hobby about science.
247
00:15:31,505 --> 00:15:32,714
Okay.
248
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:35,592
So, you gonna tell me
how it went, or what?
249
00:15:35,676 --> 00:15:37,010
How what went?
250
00:15:37,093 --> 00:15:39,012
Your bat mitzvah, bitch! What
do you think I'm talking about?
251
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,473
I don't know. It went.
252
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:45,519
A bunch of people I never met
looked at my case file.
253
00:15:45,602 --> 00:15:46,853
One guy had a beard.
254
00:15:46,936 --> 00:15:48,257
They asked you
a lot of questions?
255
00:15:48,313 --> 00:15:49,523
Not as many as you.
256
00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:54,902
All right, look.
I really appreciate
257
00:15:55,028 --> 00:15:56,488
you trying to
teach me all this,
258
00:15:56,571 --> 00:15:57,572
getting me assigned
and every...
259
00:15:57,698 --> 00:15:58,699
Shh!
260
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:06,414
Look, what I mean is,
if you don't leave,
261
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,416
I'll just go right
back to clean crew.
262
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,062
This your job.
I know you like it here.
263
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:12,462
Don't nobody like it here.
264
00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:16,717
Your hair looked good.
265
00:16:19,302 --> 00:16:20,303
It did.
266
00:16:34,442 --> 00:16:36,362
Attention,
all personnel, be advised
267
00:16:36,403 --> 00:16:38,196
count is not clear.
Please conduct a recount.
268
00:16:40,407 --> 00:16:41,783
Hey, there.
269
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:43,577
Hey.
270
00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:46,413
Hear you got
a broken appliance, ma'am.
271
00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:48,164
Yeah?
272
00:16:48,248 --> 00:16:51,000
A real rusty old thing
that needs fixing?
273
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:54,045
Oh, well, my husband isn't home.
He's got the checkbook.
274
00:16:54,128 --> 00:16:56,089
Hopefully there's
some way I could pay you.
275
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:59,801
Well, I have been
feeling a little tense lately.
276
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:03,680
Maybe if I stick my dick in your
mouth, it might help me relax.
277
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,473
Oh, God. No, thanks.
278
00:17:05,766 --> 00:17:08,435
What? Too hetero?
279
00:17:09,686 --> 00:17:13,273
Okay. How about
"wrench in your twat"?
280
00:17:16,443 --> 00:17:18,779
All right. Well, the broken one's
over there, and her name's Myra.
281
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,697
So you can stick
your wrench in her twat.
282
00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:28,622
I hate when she
sends The Quiet Storm.
283
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,290
Can't she just come over
and tap you on the shoulder?
284
00:17:30,415 --> 00:17:34,795
She has an irrational fear of the spin cycle.
Won't step foot in here.
285
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:35,921
I'd better go.
286
00:17:36,003 --> 00:17:38,047
Yeah, well...
Mommy needs you.
287
00:17:38,131 --> 00:17:41,968
Can't be that serious. When it's
serious, she throws coconuts.
288
00:17:49,225 --> 00:17:50,226
Come on!
289
00:17:59,152 --> 00:18:01,529
You don't look
half bad in those.
290
00:18:05,659 --> 00:18:06,701
Thanks.
291
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,037
You sure you know
what you're doing?
292
00:18:10,163 --> 00:18:11,498
I have no idea.
293
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,082
Don't lie to me.
294
00:18:13,166 --> 00:18:16,252
She made a mistake, okay?
She's 19 years old.
295
00:18:16,336 --> 00:18:20,173
I covered for her when she got here.
Hmm? Just like I did for you.
296
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,091
And I warned her if it ever...
297
00:18:22,175 --> 00:18:23,927
It's not like it's her choice.
298
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,972
I mean, she's an addict, all right?
She had a slip.
299
00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:28,473
We can help her.
Just give her a chance.
300
00:18:28,556 --> 00:18:31,768
No more chances. Two strikes,
that's what she gets.
301
00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:33,728
Russians don't play baseball.
302
00:18:33,854 --> 00:18:35,229
Jesus, with this shit.
303
00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:37,273
She needs to go down,
304
00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:40,485
and whoever she drags down
with her deserves it.
305
00:18:43,530 --> 00:18:47,033
You send her down the hill,
she's fucked, and you know it.
306
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:49,035
Okay, you're
taking this personally.
307
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,037
It's not personal,
it's chemical.
308
00:18:51,162 --> 00:18:53,403
Drugs have a way of making you
do shit you don't wanna do.
309
00:18:56,042 --> 00:18:57,251
So do I.
310
00:19:05,969 --> 00:19:07,012
Okay.
311
00:19:14,352 --> 00:19:15,979
I look pathetic.
I'm aware.
312
00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:17,063
I wasn't laughing at you.
313
00:19:17,230 --> 00:19:18,231
Right.
314
00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:19,941
Anyway,
significantly less funny
315
00:19:20,066 --> 00:19:21,735
than the time you
fixed our toaster
316
00:19:21,818 --> 00:19:22,986
with a hot glue gun.
317
00:19:27,532 --> 00:19:29,242
You wanna see something?
What?
318
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:31,369
Okay, so we don't just do
inmate laundry, right?
319
00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:32,495
Right.
320
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:34,789
Some of the guards
drop off their clothes, too.
321
00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:36,457
So, Wanda Bell?
322
00:19:36,583 --> 00:19:38,418
You might remember her as the
bloodsucking dragon-cunt?
323
00:19:38,501 --> 00:19:40,378
She works up front,
eats souls for fun?
324
00:19:40,461 --> 00:19:44,424
Every once in a while, we find a
pair of men's boxers in there.
325
00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:49,303
No big deal. Even Bigfoot's
gonna get laid sometimes.
326
00:19:49,637 --> 00:19:51,681
Except these boxers...
Oh!
327
00:19:51,765 --> 00:19:53,975
...have a name stitched on
them like he's a third grader.
328
00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:55,435
S. O'Neill.
329
00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:58,396
No!
The guard S. O'Neill?
330
00:19:58,479 --> 00:19:59,981
Drama!
331
00:20:00,106 --> 00:20:01,274
Where does that belly go?
332
00:20:01,399 --> 00:20:02,567
I don't know.
333
00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:03,651
Ooh!
334
00:20:03,777 --> 00:20:05,486
Hey! Y'all done having fun?
335
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:10,575
We're just
getting started, bitch.
336
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:21,127
I should finish fixing that.
You want some help?
337
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:24,464
No, that's really okay.
338
00:20:24,589 --> 00:20:26,215
I work these machines all day.
339
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:30,303
I saw Little Sarah get a shot for
helping Nicky hold a ladder.
340
00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:31,679
So?
341
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,975
You're laundry, I'm electric.
We're from different worlds.
342
00:20:40,187 --> 00:20:41,397
And I don't want any trouble.
343
00:20:41,815 --> 00:20:43,441
Oh, fuck her.
344
00:20:43,858 --> 00:20:47,320
I'm gonna help you,
no strings attached.
345
00:21:13,847 --> 00:21:15,348
How goes it?
346
00:21:15,473 --> 00:21:16,933
I've been better.
347
00:21:17,017 --> 00:21:19,310
If I tell you it gets easier,
does that make me corny?
348
00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:20,687
Makes you a liar.
349
00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:27,193
Yeah. Brought you some O.J.
Carton, not Simpson.
350
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:33,366
Man, this clinic my
mom dragged me to,
351
00:21:33,449 --> 00:21:35,326
they strapped me down
to a bed just like this.
352
00:21:36,703 --> 00:21:40,081
So the nurses hated me, 'cause
I kept makin' Exorcist jokes.
353
00:21:40,206 --> 00:21:42,375
"Your mother sucks cocks
in hell!"
354
00:21:43,459 --> 00:21:45,211
That shit never
gets old, right?
355
00:21:47,797 --> 00:21:49,674
I might actually be
lucky this happened now.
356
00:21:49,757 --> 00:21:52,426
Guards just think I
got the flu like everyone else.
357
00:21:52,552 --> 00:21:54,971
Well, in two days, you're gonna
be wishing you had the flu.
358
00:21:56,597 --> 00:21:57,974
I'm lucky you're here with me.
359
00:21:58,099 --> 00:21:59,433
Yeah.
360
00:21:59,559 --> 00:22:02,062
And I'll get through it.
I'll get back on track.
361
00:22:02,187 --> 00:22:03,730
They won't even
find out I was using.
362
00:22:03,813 --> 00:22:04,981
Yes, they will.
363
00:22:05,065 --> 00:22:07,567
Shit, no.
Girls got my back, right?
364
00:22:07,942 --> 00:22:10,361
I ain't never snitched nobody,
so who's gonna tell 'em?
365
00:22:11,445 --> 00:22:12,446
You are.
366
00:22:12,572 --> 00:22:13,573
What?
367
00:22:13,990 --> 00:22:16,826
Two strikes.
That's all you get.
368
00:22:18,203 --> 00:22:20,496
Red sent me. Says she
doesn't play baseball.
369
00:22:20,580 --> 00:22:23,624
I'm quitting, Nicky. Tell her that.
Don't make me go down there.
370
00:22:23,750 --> 00:22:24,876
This isn't about you.
371
00:22:25,459 --> 00:22:29,296
Red's fighting a bigger fight.
Shit's changing around here.
372
00:22:29,422 --> 00:22:32,092
She is supposed
to take care of us.
373
00:22:34,510 --> 00:22:36,096
You're gonna get up.
374
00:22:36,179 --> 00:22:37,597
You're gonna walk down
to the CO's office...
375
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:38,639
Please.
376
00:22:38,765 --> 00:22:39,807
You're gonna tell
him you were using
377
00:22:39,933 --> 00:22:40,975
and throw yourself
on his mercy.
378
00:22:41,101 --> 00:22:42,810
They'll put me in the SHU,
and I'll die in there.
379
00:22:42,936 --> 00:22:45,105
You won't die, you'll suffer.
380
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:49,692
And then you'll come back out.
Say what you need to say.
381
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:52,486
You're supposed
to be my family.
382
00:22:54,614 --> 00:22:56,490
Not anymore.
383
00:23:05,041 --> 00:23:08,128
Nicky!
Nicky, no! No!
384
00:23:08,544 --> 00:23:11,547
Please. Please!
Please, don't go!
385
00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:13,800
Stop. Wait!
386
00:23:13,925 --> 00:23:15,468
Damn.
387
00:23:15,593 --> 00:23:17,137
Esta bien, okay?
Come on, mama.
388
00:23:17,262 --> 00:23:18,263
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Almost there.
389
00:23:18,345 --> 00:23:19,513
All right.
You're doing great. Okay.
390
00:23:19,639 --> 00:23:20,807
Okay.
391
00:23:20,890 --> 00:23:21,933
Lie down.
392
00:23:22,016 --> 00:23:23,392
Oh, just my luck, right?
I go into labor
393
00:23:23,517 --> 00:23:24,894
the day
the fucking plague hits.
394
00:23:25,519 --> 00:23:26,759
They'll be here soon.
Just rest.
395
00:23:28,106 --> 00:23:29,607
You're gonna need your energy.
396
00:23:30,817 --> 00:23:33,111
You, quiet.
She's laboring here.
397
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:34,654
Is the baby gonna
be staying with us?
398
00:23:36,489 --> 00:23:38,158
You see any babies around here?
399
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:39,450
Besides you?
400
00:23:41,661 --> 00:23:45,999
I'll be back.
Breathe. Relax and breathe.
401
00:23:46,666 --> 00:23:48,793
And if you feel like you
gotta go to the bathroom,
402
00:23:48,876 --> 00:23:50,170
that's the baby comin'.
403
00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:51,336
Huh?
Hold it in
404
00:23:51,462 --> 00:23:53,338
and pray it doesn't
turn out like that one.
405
00:23:54,339 --> 00:23:56,341
Okay? I'll be right back.
406
00:24:00,138 --> 00:24:03,141
Y'all are like a novela.
You know that, right?
407
00:24:03,390 --> 00:24:06,019
Y'all are like some
cautionary tale shit.
408
00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:08,813
You two should tour
high schools for abstinence,
409
00:24:08,896 --> 00:24:12,066
'cause a minute with you two
is better than Plan B.
410
00:24:12,942 --> 00:24:14,027
Whatever.
411
00:24:16,196 --> 00:24:19,324
If my daughter ever
talked to me that way...
412
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,618
If I ever talk
to her that way...
413
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,412
I mean, shit.
What's the point?
414
00:24:26,371 --> 00:24:29,667
This world is full enough with
bitches trying to kill you.
415
00:24:34,672 --> 00:24:37,884
The hospital van just parked.
Let's go have a baby.
416
00:24:41,888 --> 00:24:43,348
Okay, okay.
417
00:24:43,430 --> 00:24:44,431
Good, good, good. Okay.
418
00:24:46,517 --> 00:24:47,852
Oh, my God...
419
00:24:47,935 --> 00:24:50,063
All right,
let's get you to the van.
420
00:24:50,146 --> 00:24:52,023
Everything's going to be okay.
421
00:24:55,235 --> 00:24:56,569
Hey, uh...
422
00:24:57,237 --> 00:24:59,322
Okay, so be careful.
423
00:24:59,404 --> 00:25:01,574
Relax. I do this all the time.
424
00:25:02,407 --> 00:25:03,408
Why?
425
00:25:03,534 --> 00:25:05,286
Because it's fucked up.
426
00:25:05,410 --> 00:25:07,454
And when you work
with geniuses like I do,
427
00:25:07,580 --> 00:25:09,665
the motor gets
stuck all the time.
428
00:25:09,749 --> 00:25:10,875
Did you find it?
429
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,044
I don't know. I need a
little more light back here.
430
00:25:13,127 --> 00:25:14,754
Okay. How about that?
431
00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:16,881
Better.
Okay.
432
00:25:19,424 --> 00:25:21,261
So,
it looks like the safety lock
433
00:25:21,426 --> 00:25:23,263
is connected
with a blue wire...
434
00:25:23,346 --> 00:25:24,347
Okay.
435
00:25:24,429 --> 00:25:26,473
...to something back
there that's got, like,
436
00:25:26,599 --> 00:25:28,642
two screws
sticking right out of it,
437
00:25:28,768 --> 00:25:31,436
and it's right next
to this T-shaped thing.
438
00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:35,858
Oh, damn it!
439
00:25:35,942 --> 00:25:37,735
Shit!
Shit!
440
00:25:37,818 --> 00:25:39,237
I have to get more batteries.
441
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:40,613
Fuck! My glasses fell off.
442
00:25:40,738 --> 00:25:41,989
I'll be right back.
443
00:25:42,115 --> 00:25:44,491
I think I can
reach it if I could
444
00:25:44,617 --> 00:25:47,036
just angle my
fucking hand back there.
445
00:25:49,622 --> 00:25:50,831
What the fuck?
446
00:25:54,627 --> 00:25:55,962
What the hell are you doing?
447
00:25:56,045 --> 00:25:57,422
Who, me?
448
00:25:59,132 --> 00:26:01,717
I'm just getting started,
bitch.
449
00:26:14,188 --> 00:26:15,189
Oh...
450
00:26:15,982 --> 00:26:17,317
Fuck me.
451
00:26:23,697 --> 00:26:25,158
You wanted to see me?
452
00:26:26,451 --> 00:26:27,660
Patricia Miller.
453
00:26:28,244 --> 00:26:32,332
Trailer park all-star
with the classy neck tat?
454
00:26:32,415 --> 00:26:33,833
Oh, yeah.
455
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:38,671
She just got a 100 series shot
for a nasty case of the DTs.
456
00:26:39,005 --> 00:26:40,006
Wow.
457
00:26:40,089 --> 00:26:42,008
Hope they got a lot
of mops in the SHU.
458
00:26:43,676 --> 00:26:44,885
Did she say anything?
459
00:26:45,011 --> 00:26:46,679
She just cried and shook.
460
00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:49,765
Thing is,
she's been here 10 months.
461
00:26:50,850 --> 00:26:54,228
How come she doesn't go
cold turkey a while back?
462
00:26:55,646 --> 00:26:57,106
Something's been
getting in here.
463
00:26:57,190 --> 00:26:59,066
I always said,
when they first come through,
464
00:26:59,192 --> 00:27:01,110
we should check their
assholes thoroughly.
465
00:27:01,194 --> 00:27:05,614
If the wrong person realizes there's
product moving through this prison...
466
00:27:05,698 --> 00:27:08,742
It's one junkie.
It's an isolated thing.
467
00:27:08,868 --> 00:27:11,704
Oh, really?
I bet my balls we get 10 more
468
00:27:11,829 --> 00:27:14,207
sweating it out by
the end of the month.
469
00:27:17,626 --> 00:27:21,755
And if they turn up, the warden's
gonna want somebody's head.
470
00:27:23,383 --> 00:27:25,550
And it ain't gonna be mine.
471
00:27:26,802 --> 00:27:29,055
I'm sure it'll all be fine.
472
00:27:29,889 --> 00:27:33,558
Besides, whatever she was
doing clearly ran out, right?
473
00:27:34,268 --> 00:27:36,603
So you're good.
474
00:27:37,104 --> 00:27:39,857
Let's see how good
I am a week from now.
475
00:27:40,816 --> 00:27:42,735
I hope, for all our sakes,
you're right.
476
00:27:46,655 --> 00:27:49,242
And Mendez? Question.
477
00:27:49,867 --> 00:27:51,494
It's off-topic.
478
00:27:51,952 --> 00:27:54,539
I got a look in a bar
last night.
479
00:27:54,997 --> 00:27:57,375
This guy...
480
00:27:59,419 --> 00:28:03,797
The mustache. It hasn't become
like a gay thing, has it?
481
00:28:05,758 --> 00:28:07,843
No. Fuck, no. Gay!
482
00:28:08,802 --> 00:28:11,931
The 'stache is not for fags,
it's for fuckin' men.
483
00:28:12,056 --> 00:28:13,057
Yeah.
484
00:28:13,182 --> 00:28:14,141
It's fuckin' all-beef,
485
00:28:14,267 --> 00:28:16,477
fucking cunt-ramming awesome.
486
00:28:18,271 --> 00:28:19,439
Okay.
487
00:28:20,605 --> 00:28:22,275
Just checking.
488
00:28:30,157 --> 00:28:32,452
Oh, my God. Alex?
489
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:34,245
Get me out of here.
490
00:28:34,328 --> 00:28:37,831
What?
It's locked. Are you okay?
491
00:28:37,998 --> 00:28:39,041
No!
492
00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:41,043
Maybe I can, uh...
493
00:28:42,336 --> 00:28:43,337
What the hell happened?
494
00:28:43,463 --> 00:28:44,630
It was that
fucking meth-head!
495
00:28:45,047 --> 00:28:46,840
Seriously?
Yes!
496
00:28:47,133 --> 00:28:48,934
I'm gonna go get help.
No, no, no! No, no, no!
497
00:28:49,676 --> 00:28:50,886
Just open the door.
498
00:28:50,970 --> 00:28:53,139
If they find out that I was helping
you, I'm gonna get in trouble.
499
00:28:53,222 --> 00:28:54,390
You said so yourself.
500
00:28:54,474 --> 00:28:55,558
You offered.
501
00:28:55,682 --> 00:28:56,809
Are you serious?
502
00:28:56,892 --> 00:28:58,978
I told you that
this was a bad idea.
503
00:28:59,103 --> 00:29:00,229
I did!
504
00:29:00,313 --> 00:29:01,522
Don't you do that!
Do what?
505
00:29:01,647 --> 00:29:03,566
That thing.
Like this is my fault.
506
00:29:03,649 --> 00:29:04,650
You know what I mean.
507
00:29:04,775 --> 00:29:06,402
Like you aren't
accountable for anything
508
00:29:06,527 --> 00:29:08,154
that ever happens
in your life, ever.
509
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:10,679
Am I supposed to tell them that
I made you get into the dryer?
510
00:29:10,697 --> 00:29:13,200
No, I want you to get me out.
511
00:29:13,367 --> 00:29:17,413
Read that manual, unjam the
door, step the fuck up!
512
00:29:19,832 --> 00:29:21,208
Wait, Piper,
where are you going?
513
00:29:21,334 --> 00:29:22,376
I'm just gonna go...
514
00:29:22,502 --> 00:29:23,503
No! Don't you go!
515
00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:25,296
Don't you fucking leave me.
516
00:29:35,264 --> 00:29:36,432
Okay.
517
00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:39,352
"Okay," what?
518
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,691
I'm here.
519
00:29:52,615 --> 00:29:56,494
So, this is all of 'em, huh?
All the approved vendors?
520
00:29:56,577 --> 00:29:58,704
That's it.
Just those five.
521
00:29:59,288 --> 00:30:01,748
Nobody else gets
through this gate?
522
00:30:02,124 --> 00:30:04,210
No suspicious delivery guy,
523
00:30:04,335 --> 00:30:07,672
no shady-lookin' mook
in a fuckin' tampon truck?
524
00:30:07,963 --> 00:30:11,758
There's creepy linens dude,
and the dry goods lady,
525
00:30:11,925 --> 00:30:13,886
the vegetable people.
526
00:30:14,887 --> 00:30:18,516
Sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it?
The Vegetable People?
527
00:30:18,599 --> 00:30:23,937
Like a giant celery serial
killer, carrying a machete,
528
00:30:24,063 --> 00:30:28,526
or broccoli lightin'
shit up with a flame-thrower.
529
00:30:30,403 --> 00:30:33,239
"Who's a smoothie,
now, bitches?"
530
00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:38,077
Asshole.
531
00:30:39,078 --> 00:30:40,371
Shit's funny.
532
00:30:41,163 --> 00:30:42,323
It's almost count time.
533
00:30:42,331 --> 00:30:43,374
I know. I know.
534
00:30:43,790 --> 00:30:45,167
I'm pretty sure
I'm suffocating.
535
00:30:46,210 --> 00:30:47,712
Ow!
536
00:30:48,671 --> 00:30:50,172
Loud.
Sorry.
537
00:30:53,467 --> 00:30:55,969
So, what,
Nicky never came back?
538
00:30:56,554 --> 00:30:59,306
Your girlfriend? No.
539
00:31:01,475 --> 00:31:02,435
My girlfriend?
540
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,561
Yeah.
541
00:31:04,228 --> 00:31:05,812
What's that supposed to mean?
542
00:31:05,938 --> 00:31:07,565
Nothing. Never mind.
543
00:31:07,648 --> 00:31:08,899
No, what do you mean by that?
544
00:31:09,024 --> 00:31:10,276
I said, nothing.
I said, never mind.
545
00:31:10,359 --> 00:31:12,319
What, you expect me to wait
for you to come around?
546
00:31:12,945 --> 00:31:14,739
Come around?
Yeah.
547
00:31:14,821 --> 00:31:17,700
As in "get back
together" come around?
548
00:31:17,824 --> 00:31:19,619
Are you kidding me?
549
00:31:20,620 --> 00:31:22,455
I'm engaged.
Right.
550
00:31:23,456 --> 00:31:25,958
You know what?
Do not confuse this.
551
00:31:26,959 --> 00:31:32,839
Maybe, just maybe, we will
get friendly again. Maybe.
552
00:31:32,965 --> 00:31:34,800
We were never friends, Piper.
We weren't...
553
00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:37,303
No. Not for a second.
554
00:31:38,137 --> 00:31:41,766
I loved you,
I loved having sex with you.
555
00:31:46,061 --> 00:31:48,814
And more importantly, I am not
suggesting that I want you back,
556
00:31:48,939 --> 00:31:50,316
you Park Slope narcissist.
557
00:31:50,399 --> 00:31:54,069
I mean for you to come around
like an actual human being.
558
00:31:54,153 --> 00:31:56,863
And not with some
hollow bullshit apology,
559
00:31:56,989 --> 00:32:00,785
or that cute little sad face that
might work on your fucking boyfriend.
560
00:32:02,035 --> 00:32:03,496
I've been waiting
for you to come around,
561
00:32:03,621 --> 00:32:04,997
and treat me like
an actual human being
562
00:32:05,122 --> 00:32:07,667
and realize what a fucking
horse's ass you've been.
563
00:32:07,750 --> 00:32:09,001
I've been a horse's ass?
564
00:32:09,126 --> 00:32:10,336
Fuck, yeah!
565
00:32:10,419 --> 00:32:12,921
Fuck you! And this dryer!
566
00:32:13,005 --> 00:32:17,551
This fucking shitty
piece of goddamn dryer!
567
00:32:18,927 --> 00:32:19,970
Dryer!
568
00:32:21,764 --> 00:32:23,432
So abusive.
569
00:32:24,391 --> 00:32:27,227
Maybe if you tried
talking nice to it,
570
00:32:27,353 --> 00:32:32,525
or, uh, if you took your top
off and rubbed up against it.
571
00:32:32,650 --> 00:32:34,485
Might, uh, pop open then,
right, huh?
572
00:32:36,529 --> 00:32:37,697
Shit.
573
00:32:43,786 --> 00:32:45,037
What the hell's going on?
574
00:32:45,329 --> 00:32:46,372
Fuck.
575
00:32:49,208 --> 00:32:50,793
Where was it we're going?
576
00:32:50,876 --> 00:32:52,919
Wherever I tell you to go.
577
00:32:54,046 --> 00:32:58,718
Okay. It's just, I'm not supposed
to be this far from camp.
578
00:33:00,135 --> 00:33:03,806
You're not supposed to wear that
pretty whore lipstick either,
579
00:33:04,598 --> 00:33:05,850
but you do, don't ya?
580
00:33:16,068 --> 00:33:17,277
Yeah, stop here.
581
00:33:21,281 --> 00:33:22,949
Shut the car off.
582
00:33:35,003 --> 00:33:36,839
The old Moscow mule.
583
00:33:37,923 --> 00:33:38,965
Red?
584
00:33:39,091 --> 00:33:41,009
She's got a way of
bringing stuff in.
585
00:33:42,010 --> 00:33:45,848
It's not really up to code.
Do you know what I mean?
586
00:33:46,139 --> 00:33:47,433
No.
587
00:33:47,850 --> 00:33:50,102
I need to know how.
588
00:33:53,564 --> 00:33:55,691
I don't know what
you're talking about.
589
00:33:55,775 --> 00:33:58,485
I drive, I don't work kitchen.
590
00:33:58,611 --> 00:34:01,280
I know. You're afraid of her.
591
00:34:04,825 --> 00:34:08,704
Shit,
I don't blame you.
592
00:34:09,789 --> 00:34:12,124
But you know what?
593
00:34:15,628 --> 00:34:21,634
There are things out here much worse
than some scary Russian bitch.
594
00:34:27,139 --> 00:34:29,975
I'm gonna ask you again.
Nicely.
595
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:36,774
And then the third time,
it's not gonna be very nice.
596
00:34:38,734 --> 00:34:39,985
For you.
597
00:34:43,238 --> 00:34:44,657
I told you.
598
00:34:45,950 --> 00:34:48,076
I don't know what she does.
599
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,830
I drive,
and I do what I need to do.
600
00:34:54,458 --> 00:34:58,671
And I can't help you
'cause I really don't know.
601
00:35:01,089 --> 00:35:04,092
So you do whatever.
602
00:35:06,303 --> 00:35:09,181
I can't tell you
what I don't know.
603
00:35:24,905 --> 00:35:26,907
Start the car, inmate.
604
00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:29,201
You're too far from camp.
605
00:35:36,082 --> 00:35:39,503
I mean, what
exactly were you two doing?
606
00:35:39,586 --> 00:35:40,546
When I got there,
607
00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:42,923
the blonde one was screaming and
the hot one was stuck inside.
608
00:35:43,048 --> 00:35:44,216
The hot one?
The hot one?
609
00:35:46,802 --> 00:35:48,595
You can go, Luchek.
610
00:35:49,221 --> 00:35:51,932
Okay.
And it's, uh, Luschek.
611
00:35:53,726 --> 00:35:55,561
Like a "loose check."
612
00:35:58,063 --> 00:36:01,191
How long have I
worked here, man? God!
613
00:36:02,359 --> 00:36:03,360
Mr. Healy, it was...
I asked her.
614
00:36:04,570 --> 00:36:05,691
No, I...
Look, I volunteered.
615
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:06,655
No, no, no.
I asked her.
616
00:36:06,739 --> 00:36:07,907
She works in the laundry room,
617
00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:10,534
so I figured she knew more
about the machines than I did.
618
00:36:10,617 --> 00:36:14,413
I know that I wasn't
supposed to, but I did.
619
00:36:14,747 --> 00:36:16,206
This is my fault.
No. Mr. Healy...
620
00:36:16,331 --> 00:36:17,499
Now, just shut up.
621
00:36:22,046 --> 00:36:26,466
A couple of years ago, we found two
women naked from the waist down,
622
00:36:26,592 --> 00:36:29,762
sitting on those dryers
for their own enjoyment.
623
00:36:32,264 --> 00:36:34,945
You wouldn't happen to have been
doing anything like that, would you?
624
00:36:36,268 --> 00:36:37,728
I'm more of
a dishwasher kind of gal, sir.
625
00:36:40,313 --> 00:36:42,148
What?
Nothing.
626
00:36:48,822 --> 00:36:50,449
Glad you're making
new friends, Chapman.
627
00:36:51,742 --> 00:36:52,952
I'm writing you both a shot.
628
00:36:53,035 --> 00:36:54,870
Now get the hell
out of my office.
629
00:36:58,665 --> 00:37:00,042
Chapman.
630
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,212
You think if I wrote stories about
you, I might make the papers?
631
00:37:06,048 --> 00:37:09,009
'Cause I'm gathering
a nice collection here.
632
00:37:13,722 --> 00:37:17,434
Due to repairs, clean
clothes can be picked up tomorrow.
633
00:37:27,945 --> 00:37:30,656
Whoa. You moved her in?
The fuck is she doing?
634
00:37:30,739 --> 00:37:34,242
What I told her to do.
And watch your tone.
635
00:37:34,326 --> 00:37:36,161
It's my bunk, too.
I get no say in this?
636
00:37:36,286 --> 00:37:38,998
No one gets a say. She was
assigned by her counselor.
637
00:37:39,123 --> 00:37:40,204
And she'll be good for you.
638
00:37:40,290 --> 00:37:41,625
She never talks.
639
00:37:41,750 --> 00:37:43,127
You might learn something.
640
00:37:47,714 --> 00:37:49,382
I've got friends
of my own, you know.
641
00:37:49,508 --> 00:37:50,592
There's other people
in this prison,
642
00:37:50,676 --> 00:37:52,636
not just the ones who drink
your goddamn Kool-Aid.
643
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:56,807
Are you finished? You're
starting to sound finished.
644
00:38:04,731 --> 00:38:06,066
What, huh?
645
00:38:16,869 --> 00:38:17,995
We had fun as usual.
646
00:38:19,163 --> 00:38:20,413
It couldn't be any other way.
647
00:38:22,332 --> 00:38:24,543
The music was beautiful,
the weather was great.
648
00:38:25,669 --> 00:38:27,046
We had a lot of fun.
649
00:38:28,797 --> 00:38:30,256
Dimitri. So good to see you.
650
00:38:30,382 --> 00:38:31,675
Good to see you too.
651
00:38:32,759 --> 00:38:34,386
I didn't know to expect you.
652
00:38:34,469 --> 00:38:37,764
Wait a minute, you've got to have some
Khalva back there or something, no?
653
00:38:37,890 --> 00:38:41,727
Something sweet for us?
To go with the coffee?
654
00:38:50,485 --> 00:38:51,611
Of course.
655
00:38:51,862 --> 00:38:53,822
I'll do it now, right away.
656
00:38:59,828 --> 00:39:04,290
Anyway, our guy looked into the
government contracts thing.
657
00:39:04,416 --> 00:39:05,542
Schools, hospitals.
658
00:39:05,667 --> 00:39:06,793
Yeah?
659
00:39:06,919 --> 00:39:08,921
Looks like we'll be able
to work something out.
660
00:39:16,386 --> 00:39:20,432
To this motherfucking
wanker right here.
661
00:39:20,599 --> 00:39:21,808
Here we go.
662
00:39:21,934 --> 00:39:26,646
To the first of many articles in
world-class publishing and the like.
663
00:39:26,939 --> 00:39:31,317
After this comes the book deal,
and then the movie deal,
664
00:39:31,610 --> 00:39:35,822
and then the inevitable
sexual harassment scandal.
665
00:39:38,825 --> 00:39:40,619
Big-time newspaperman.
666
00:39:41,954 --> 00:39:42,913
Salud!
667
00:39:42,996 --> 00:39:43,997
Salud!
668
00:39:44,248 --> 00:39:45,498
Cheers.
Salud.
669
00:39:45,624 --> 00:39:46,792
Cheers.
670
00:39:48,418 --> 00:39:50,587
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
671
00:39:51,755 --> 00:39:52,923
Mmm.
672
00:39:58,011 --> 00:39:59,345
It's my shout.
673
00:40:00,889 --> 00:40:02,224
You having an okay time?
674
00:40:03,391 --> 00:40:07,520
What? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
675
00:40:09,773 --> 00:40:13,277
This is great.
Really, Polly, thank you.
676
00:40:13,359 --> 00:40:15,279
This is awesome.
677
00:40:15,361 --> 00:40:17,489
It must be hard without her.
678
00:40:17,572 --> 00:40:18,615
You have no idea.
679
00:40:18,698 --> 00:40:20,242
She'd want you to have
a good time, I'm sure.
680
00:40:20,325 --> 00:40:21,827
Yeah, I know.
681
00:40:21,910 --> 00:40:23,829
Doesn't make it any easier, though.
Right.
682
00:40:23,912 --> 00:40:25,330
Probably makes it harder.
683
00:40:25,455 --> 00:40:26,873
Bingo.
684
00:40:29,501 --> 00:40:32,087
I know I should be
feeling thrilled right now.
685
00:40:32,712 --> 00:40:37,467
I'm in print, I'm young-ish.
686
00:40:38,302 --> 00:40:41,554
And I'm healthy. Also "ish."
687
00:40:43,473 --> 00:40:49,562
I'm alive. I'm a living, breathing
thing, and it's really...
688
00:40:49,688 --> 00:40:51,857
It's overwhelming
how lucky I am.
689
00:40:53,608 --> 00:40:57,112
But yet every night
I go to bed,
690
00:40:57,946 --> 00:40:59,739
and I have this
gnawing feeling.
691
00:40:59,865 --> 00:41:02,742
Like what I've
got is not enough.
692
00:41:03,660 --> 00:41:05,980
And every morning I wake up
thinking the feeling'll be gone,
693
00:41:06,038 --> 00:41:08,915
but it's not.
694
00:41:11,584 --> 00:41:14,713
Does that make me a selfish,
695
00:41:14,796 --> 00:41:18,717
fucking ungrateful douche bag?
696
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:22,012
Larry, honey...
697
00:41:22,095 --> 00:41:23,096
Hmm?
698
00:41:23,722 --> 00:41:24,973
Take me to the hospital.
699
00:41:25,557 --> 00:41:27,726
Now? Now?
Now.
700
00:41:29,769 --> 00:41:31,688
This fiance of yours...
701
00:41:31,938 --> 00:41:33,481
Hmm?
702
00:41:34,149 --> 00:41:36,235
What's it like when
he comes to visit?
703
00:41:36,693 --> 00:41:38,028
It's good.
704
00:41:42,699 --> 00:41:44,243
It's weird.
705
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:52,084
Sometimes it feels like
there's never enough time,
706
00:41:53,585 --> 00:41:55,420
and then sometimes
707
00:41:56,755 --> 00:41:58,840
it feels like
708
00:41:58,924 --> 00:42:02,344
there's actually too much.
709
00:42:02,761 --> 00:42:03,970
What do you mean by that?
710
00:42:04,137 --> 00:42:07,473
There's no menu, or basket
of bread on the table,
711
00:42:08,433 --> 00:42:10,227
or TV to glance at.
712
00:42:11,311 --> 00:42:15,357
It's just us,
looking at each other,
713
00:42:15,732 --> 00:42:17,442
which can be great.
714
00:42:18,902 --> 00:42:20,528
And it should be.
715
00:42:22,655 --> 00:42:24,324
But sometimes...
716
00:42:28,787 --> 00:42:31,581
You just need to look away.
717
00:42:36,295 --> 00:42:39,589
Someone told me that you
never have had a visitor.
718
00:42:42,508 --> 00:42:44,303
Can I ask why?
719
00:42:51,643 --> 00:42:53,979
I guess I just
had to look away.
720
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:04,323
Larry?
721
00:43:05,324 --> 00:43:07,326
Hey. I'm just relaxing,
being normal.
722
00:43:07,451 --> 00:43:08,534
Reading about, uh...
723
00:43:10,787 --> 00:43:14,291
Piper, that's my rinsing cup. Piper,
you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup.
724
00:43:14,374 --> 00:43:15,875
Well, you put your
pee stick in my vagina.
725
00:43:16,001 --> 00:43:17,521
And that's why
we're in this situation.
726
00:43:17,585 --> 00:43:20,880
I love it when you call my
mighty staff a pee stick.
727
00:43:23,967 --> 00:43:25,927
I think I might want it.
728
00:43:27,887 --> 00:43:29,514
My mighty staff?
729
00:43:31,850 --> 00:43:33,143
Piper, there is no "it" yet.
730
00:43:33,226 --> 00:43:34,811
I know. But if there is...
731
00:43:38,190 --> 00:43:39,732
You're going to prison
in three months.
732
00:43:39,858 --> 00:43:41,738
I know. I could be pregnant
while I'm in prison.
733
00:43:41,860 --> 00:43:43,403
What else am I
gonna be doing in there?
734
00:43:43,528 --> 00:43:46,031
How did we go from
not talking about kids at all
735
00:43:46,156 --> 00:43:47,366
to starting a prison family?
736
00:43:47,532 --> 00:43:49,813
People are always saying that
there's never a perfect time.
737
00:43:49,868 --> 00:43:53,746
Okay, I'm not sure that
our current situation applies here.
738
00:43:56,875 --> 00:43:58,960
Are we at least gonna
talk about other options?
739
00:44:01,046 --> 00:44:02,047
You mean...
740
00:44:02,630 --> 00:44:05,300
It's not Voldemort.
You can say it. Abortion.
741
00:44:05,884 --> 00:44:06,885
Oh.
742
00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:10,514
Look, not... Okay, not that
I'd insist, Piper. Okay? I...
743
00:44:11,306 --> 00:44:14,309
Your body, yourself.
It's a wonderland.
744
00:44:14,393 --> 00:44:15,894
I just...
745
00:44:17,145 --> 00:44:19,481
I'm just... I'm still
stuck in the mindset
746
00:44:19,564 --> 00:44:22,025
that I've been in
for so long. I don't...
747
00:44:22,234 --> 00:44:24,694
Like when Polly
and Pete told us,
748
00:44:25,404 --> 00:44:28,240
I felt panicked for them
before I remembered
749
00:44:28,365 --> 00:44:30,166
that people actually want
to get pregnant now.
750
00:44:30,242 --> 00:44:32,202
So you're saying
that you don't want it.
751
00:44:33,578 --> 00:44:36,206
I want to have a family with you, Piper.
Of course.
752
00:44:36,289 --> 00:44:38,791
So, listen. You know
all those conversations
753
00:44:38,917 --> 00:44:43,588
that we've had about making
my time in there meaningful?
754
00:44:45,507 --> 00:44:48,801
Well, we could, we could
start a new future now,
755
00:44:48,927 --> 00:44:49,928
instead of waiting.
756
00:44:51,846 --> 00:44:53,806
Piper,
the baby would come home,
757
00:44:53,932 --> 00:44:55,934
and you would still be in jail.
758
00:44:58,602 --> 00:45:01,940
Let's see what the pee stick
has to say about this.
759
00:45:12,784 --> 00:45:14,160
I feel sad.
760
00:45:16,538 --> 00:45:18,373
I feel sad that you feel sad.
761
00:45:28,341 --> 00:45:31,635
He's beautiful.
I mean, I don't know.
762
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:34,222
That's what you're supposed to say, right?
It's a baby.
763
00:45:34,306 --> 00:45:35,466
You have to say it's amazing.
764
00:45:35,474 --> 00:45:36,682
I mean, you can't say,
765
00:45:36,808 --> 00:45:38,642
"It's amazing how much he
looks like John Goodman."
766
00:45:38,726 --> 00:45:40,979
Okay, so tell me everything.
From the very beginning.
767
00:45:41,104 --> 00:45:42,147
You got Polly into the...
768
00:45:42,230 --> 00:45:43,898
I got Polly in,
she's changing into her gown,
769
00:45:43,982 --> 00:45:45,108
and she's like,
"Where's Pete?" Yes.
770
00:45:45,191 --> 00:45:46,318
"Where the hell is Pete?"
771
00:45:46,401 --> 00:45:49,404
So I go out and he's not in the
waiting room, he's not in the lobby.
772
00:45:49,488 --> 00:45:52,740
I look outside. He is...
He's on the ground, Piper.
773
00:45:52,824 --> 00:45:55,785
He's on the fucking pavement,
wrestling with the cab driver.
774
00:45:55,910 --> 00:45:57,078
Jesus!
775
00:45:57,203 --> 00:45:58,330
Yeah. He left his
credit card at the bar.
776
00:45:58,455 --> 00:46:01,665
And I can't pay the guy, 'cause of
course Pete had done his whole,
777
00:46:01,791 --> 00:46:04,294
you know, "Don't bring a cent.
Your money's no good here.
778
00:46:04,377 --> 00:46:05,629
"Tonight is your night, mate,"
779
00:46:05,711 --> 00:46:09,007
so I had to let the guy run the
meter until Polly's dad got there.
780
00:46:09,090 --> 00:46:12,135
And Polly's dad
rolled his eyes, 'cause...
781
00:46:12,218 --> 00:46:13,803
Of course he rolled
his fucking eyes!
782
00:46:13,886 --> 00:46:16,014
And I'm like, "P.S., dickhead,
I just saved your grandchild
783
00:46:16,139 --> 00:46:18,016
"from being born
on a gin-soaked
784
00:46:18,183 --> 00:46:20,018
"shuffleboard table.
You're welcome."
785
00:46:20,143 --> 00:46:21,685
Did she get the extra stitch?
786
00:46:22,854 --> 00:46:23,938
I don't know what that is.
787
00:46:24,022 --> 00:46:26,107
But everyone was
asking about you, Pipes.
788
00:46:26,191 --> 00:46:27,984
I mean, everyone at the bar.
789
00:46:28,067 --> 00:46:30,570
Literally every
chance they got.
790
00:46:30,694 --> 00:46:32,280
People like you, Piper Chapman.
791
00:46:33,697 --> 00:46:34,866
Even people that
haven't met you.
792
00:46:34,949 --> 00:46:37,327
One of Polly's friends? She said
she felt like she knows you
793
00:46:37,410 --> 00:46:39,454
because of how well
I captured your spirit.
794
00:46:43,041 --> 00:46:44,834
She doesn't know me.
795
00:46:47,879 --> 00:46:50,423
That girl that you wrote about?
That's not me.
796
00:46:50,549 --> 00:46:51,883
What do you mean?
797
00:46:57,013 --> 00:46:58,390
Nothing.
798
00:47:01,393 --> 00:47:04,145
Do you think that I'm a
narcissist or a horse's ass?
799
00:47:04,229 --> 00:47:07,731
What? No, of course not.
Why would you say that?
800
00:47:11,069 --> 00:47:12,820
I missed your party.
801
00:47:15,739 --> 00:47:18,368
I couldn't get the dryer open.
802
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:22,581
And I wasn't there when my
best friend had her baby.
803
00:47:24,499 --> 00:47:26,251
It's just shitty.
804
00:47:29,879 --> 00:47:31,089
I know.
805
00:48:04,330 --> 00:48:05,373
I got her.
806
00:48:14,132 --> 00:48:16,217
Come on, honey.
You're not alone.
807
00:48:54,088 --> 00:48:55,548
This room is for prayer.
808
00:48:55,674 --> 00:48:56,966
Never heard of it.
809
00:48:58,593 --> 00:48:59,885
We need to talk.
810
00:49:04,932 --> 00:49:07,185
Heard about your old roommate.
811
00:49:07,268 --> 00:49:09,895
Sent down to seg,
and an extended sentence.
812
00:49:10,021 --> 00:49:11,356
It's a raw deal.
813
00:49:12,148 --> 00:49:13,232
Yeah.
814
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,612
I got a couple questions
that I need to ask you.
815
00:49:17,696 --> 00:49:19,698
I think you may know
the answers to 'em.
816
00:49:19,823 --> 00:49:22,950
About Red and the way
that she runs her business.
817
00:49:29,415 --> 00:49:32,210
And I would think that a smart,
savvy person like yourself
818
00:49:32,335 --> 00:49:33,712
would know an opportunity...
819
00:49:33,795 --> 00:49:35,254
Neptune's Produce.
820
00:49:35,463 --> 00:49:37,716
You wanna know how she
gets the contraband in?
821
00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:41,052
That's it.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
822
00:49:54,232 --> 00:49:56,234
Reminder, ladies,
823
00:49:56,401 --> 00:49:58,403
to wash your hands,
and do not share towels.
824
00:49:59,237 --> 00:50:01,781
Clean ladies are
healthy ladies.
825
00:50:06,745 --> 00:50:08,287
I know, right?
All right.
826
00:50:08,413 --> 00:50:10,039
Later.
827
00:50:21,843 --> 00:50:23,302
What's up, T?
828
00:50:28,057 --> 00:50:29,475
Yo, we gotta get some hot sauce
829
00:50:29,601 --> 00:50:30,976
in this bitch,
like you said, man.
830
00:50:31,102 --> 00:50:33,563
Tapatio, Texas Pete...
Shit, I don't even care.
831
00:50:34,856 --> 00:50:36,858
Yo, if that shit
don't come through soon,
832
00:50:36,982 --> 00:50:38,942
you gotta start
filibustin' the WAC.
833
00:50:39,068 --> 00:50:40,820
I heard back from the board.
834
00:50:43,489 --> 00:50:46,033
Yo, T, them motherfuckers don't know shit.
You know that.
835
00:50:46,117 --> 00:50:47,577
I'm getting out.
836
00:50:50,162 --> 00:50:51,372
Wait, you ain't playin'?
837
00:50:51,581 --> 00:50:52,582
No.
838
00:50:55,959 --> 00:50:57,378
Tays!
839
00:50:59,798 --> 00:51:01,215
Oh, my...
840
00:51:09,390 --> 00:51:11,392
Mail delivery will be delayed
841
00:51:11,517 --> 00:51:13,519
as letters are being
screened for anthrax.
842
00:51:14,270 --> 00:51:16,815
So, you have
experience in kitchens.
843
00:51:17,649 --> 00:51:19,358
Food preparation?
844
00:51:21,193 --> 00:51:22,986
Some experience. Yes.
845
00:51:23,987 --> 00:51:26,157
Maybe we can get
you a job in here.
846
00:51:26,282 --> 00:51:29,494
You know, Angie, our last cook,
she's no longer with us.
847
00:51:29,577 --> 00:51:30,994
She got out?
848
00:51:32,163 --> 00:51:34,373
Yeah, something like that.
849
00:51:37,502 --> 00:51:39,002
Romano?
850
00:51:43,466 --> 00:51:45,050
Reznikov.
Red.
851
00:51:45,677 --> 00:51:47,637
Show her the ropes tomorrow.
852
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:49,514
I look forward to it.
853
00:52:00,859 --> 00:52:03,486
Okay. Let me show
you around over here.
854
00:52:22,547 --> 00:52:23,840
Got a minute there, cowboy?
855
00:52:23,923 --> 00:52:25,048
Everything okay?
856
00:52:25,174 --> 00:52:29,052
Of course it is. We just gotta
have a little talk, you and me.
857
00:52:41,190 --> 00:52:42,567
Go ahead.
858
00:52:54,746 --> 00:52:55,914
You sick, too?
859
00:52:58,457 --> 00:52:59,584
Oh.
860
00:53:00,585 --> 00:53:02,461
Yeah, it got me a day late.
861
00:53:02,962 --> 00:53:04,129
Sorry.
862
00:53:09,928 --> 00:53:12,471
What, are you a vampire now?
Do you need an invitation?
863
00:53:14,807 --> 00:53:16,434
Not too close, though.
I'm contagious.
864
00:53:16,559 --> 00:53:18,352
I know.
865
00:53:23,608 --> 00:53:27,612
I'm plotting my revenge on that
redneck fucking Deliverance extra.
866
00:53:27,737 --> 00:53:29,280
If you want in.
867
00:53:29,530 --> 00:53:30,698
Maybe.
868
00:53:34,410 --> 00:53:36,996
You seem depressed.
Even for prison.
869
00:53:39,373 --> 00:53:41,542
You know, if you ever
wanna talk about it,
870
00:53:41,667 --> 00:53:43,878
that's what
the counselors are for.
871
00:53:51,052 --> 00:53:54,388
Personally, I went on sad
drugs when I got here,
872
00:53:54,472 --> 00:53:56,057
and they worked for a while,
873
00:53:56,139 --> 00:53:58,810
but now I just cheek 'em and
trade 'em for black eyeliner.
874
00:54:02,145 --> 00:54:04,315
They make me constipated.
875
00:54:04,565 --> 00:54:08,360
I would rather shit and cry than
strain and nap all the time.
876
00:54:11,322 --> 00:54:12,824
What's wrong?
877
00:54:13,741 --> 00:54:14,784
Really.
878
00:54:16,159 --> 00:54:18,161
He wrote an article about me.
879
00:54:18,287 --> 00:54:19,664
The fiance?
Mmm-hmm.
880
00:54:21,332 --> 00:54:23,126
"One Sentence,
Two Prisoners."
881
00:54:23,208 --> 00:54:24,335
Oh, it's a terrible title.
882
00:54:24,460 --> 00:54:25,586
I know.
883
00:54:25,753 --> 00:54:28,589
And I'm happy for him,
but he got...
884
00:54:29,465 --> 00:54:33,928
He got so much of it so wrong.
885
00:54:36,722 --> 00:54:38,975
I'm not somebody's girlfriend.
886
00:54:41,978 --> 00:54:45,773
I'm not some cool story at a
yuppie fucking cocktail party.
887
00:54:45,857 --> 00:54:48,693
"You did a year in the Peace Corps?
I did a year in prison."
888
00:54:49,276 --> 00:54:50,903
Fuck, no!
889
00:54:51,236 --> 00:54:53,322
Those things we did,
you and me,
890
00:54:53,447 --> 00:54:55,533
that wasn't adventure
or a romp.
891
00:55:02,665 --> 00:55:04,458
That was my life.
892
00:55:10,131 --> 00:55:11,590
You want me to kill him?
893
00:55:14,927 --> 00:55:17,763
I may be a sick lesbian
in a prison bunk,
894
00:55:17,889 --> 00:55:20,516
but I got a couple tricks up my sleeve.
895
00:55:22,601 --> 00:55:24,395
Ugh.
896
00:55:25,063 --> 00:55:27,439
I feel like I am
missing so much.
897
00:55:31,402 --> 00:55:32,611
Me, too.
898
00:55:53,091 --> 00:55:54,633
Why are you making that face?
899
00:56:02,141 --> 00:56:03,392
Shit.
900
00:56:14,277 --> 00:56:17,656
I brought you this.
In case you throw up.
901
00:56:18,323 --> 00:56:20,868
Keep it there
till you feel better.
902
00:56:20,993 --> 00:56:22,078
Thanks.
903
00:56:24,455 --> 00:56:26,249
She have the baby?
Yeah.
904
00:56:26,999 --> 00:56:28,459
11:53 p.m.
905
00:56:28,876 --> 00:56:31,879
Some blanca guesser
bitch won the Twix.
906
00:56:41,180 --> 00:56:42,347
How are you feeling?
907
00:56:43,474 --> 00:56:44,516
Fine.
908
00:56:45,726 --> 00:56:48,020
Everyone else seems
to be getting over it.
909
00:56:48,146 --> 00:56:50,481
I should be back
to normal soon.
910
00:56:51,482 --> 00:56:53,025
You ain't got what
everybody else has.
911
00:56:53,151 --> 00:56:54,359
How do you know?
912
00:56:54,485 --> 00:56:56,988
'Cause your tits
are popping out of your shirt.
913
00:56:57,071 --> 00:56:59,865
Same shit happened to me
every fuckin' time.
914
00:56:59,991 --> 00:57:01,242
Every time what?
915
00:57:03,035 --> 00:57:04,662
You'll feel better
in nine months.
916
00:57:17,175 --> 00:57:27,513
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com