Previously on In Treatment.
Well, David was my first.
Don't look at me like that, I wasn't a victim. I got into his bed.
He was a 40-year-old man for Christ's sake.
Your father had no idea what was going on?
He was asleep in the next room.
I think it's important that you talk to your father about this while it's still possible.
You know that this thing with me and Alex is over?
I ended it.
I can't continue, Paul.
Every minute here is tearing me apart.
Daddy?
(Water splashing in bathroom)
(Mobile)
Yes, hello.
No, I'm, uh... I'm on my way somewhere.
No, not to the ward.
No, absolutely not.
Because his temperature is slightly up and I don't want it to get out of hand.
Just tell them to take care of him until I get there. Just keep an eye on his fever.
In about 90 minutes.
(Sighs) Look, it's... it's important. Can I count on you?
OK.
OK, bye.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Here. For you. - Oh.
What is it?
There's a farmer's market across the street from the hospital.
Maple syrup.
- It's Vermont's finest. - Thanks.
Sure. Your kids eat pancakes, right?
Yeah.
Come on in.
Thanks.
Thanks for seeing me. When I dialled your number this morning,
I thought, "It's not even eight o'clock. I probably woke everybody up."
Please, this place is a circus by eight o'clock.
I had no one else to talk to.
I even called Andrew, but he never called me back. Anyway, thanks.
I thought my hour would be filled already.
Your hour isn't filled. How is your dad?
- Is he still in ICU? - Yes.
His temperature went up and they wanted to move him to the ward, but...
I want him kept there as long as possible, where he's got one-on-one nursing care.
He looks so small, you know.
So tiny.
He looks lost in that huge bed.
(Sniffs)
You can barely see his body under the sheets.
He looks like ET.
You'd think I'd be more resistant, huh?
I've already seen people shrink into little gremlins.
But not my father.
(Sighs)
I took your advice. I told him about David.
When I left here last week, I called him.
He was so happy to hear from me.
It had been a month since we'd seen each other.
So I went around to his house and he ordered takeout.
My dad never orders takeout. He doesn't know how.
I swear he ordered half the menu. I'm not exaggerating.
He means well, but I don't think he knows what I like.
Do you know what your kids like?
- You mean apart from pancakes? - (Laughs)
When I told him about David he said...
"I thought so."
We were sitting in the kitchen surrounded by takeout containers, about 20 of them.
He was just pushing his egg roll from one side of the plate to the other,
dipping it in the hot mustard without looking up at me and says, "I thought so."
Hm.
Did you tell him the full story?
Yeah, well...
More or less. I mean, I told him that I slept with David at our house.
He asked me if it continued later, and I said, "No, it was just a passing thing."
That nothing happened to me and he didn't need to worry,
and that it came up in therapy and I thought I should talk to him about it.
It doesn't sound to me like your father was...
doesn't sound like he was surprised.
How do you feel about that?
That he might have known all along, and that he didn't do anything about it?
I didn't take it that way.
Look, Paul, the pain, the shock of it was so bad,
he immediately had to act as if he'd known all along,
as if to deflect the shock of it to...
(Sighs)
Old habits die hard, huh?
You can take the girl out of therapy, but you can't take the therapy out of conversation.
(Chuckles)
It's funny. Things feel different.
Feels like I haven't been here for a year.
Are those new shoes?
These? No, I found them in the closet.
I'd forgotten about them. I used to wear them before...
- before I was married. - They're nice.
- Think so? - (Chuckles)
(Paul) Mm.
I'm really glad that you called.
(Chuckles) Really? Huh. (Sniffs)
What, did you miss me? (Chuckles)
Yes, I did.
Even after that dramatic exit last week?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
I guess the prospect of...
of not seeing you again kind of...
kind of scared me.
Losing a patient is such a big deal?
Losing you is a big deal.
- Does it bother you I said that? - No.
I just don't understand why you're saying it. I mean, why now?
(Laughs)
Is this a trick?
Why... why would I be tricking you?
I... I just don't understand why you're saying it.
To be honest, I don't really believe you.
It's the truth, Laura.
I'm trying to say how I feel about you.
I think you deserve to know. I think it's...
I think it's time for you to know.
Know what?
That I have very deep feelings for you.
I... I keep thinking about you all the time.
I really miss you sometimes. It's...
No...
not sometimes.
Often.
I miss you often.
(Sighs)
OK, so what now?
I mean, if I say yes, then what, it will happen?
What, this isn't therapy, so it's OK all of a sudden?
You know what? This whole thing doesn't seem right. It feels weird.
What, that I...
That I said I had feelings for you?
You're testing me. Are you testing me, Paul?
No.
(Sighs)
OK.
OK, good.
You know, we never sat on the same couch before.
So what now?
I don't know, Paul.
(Sighs)
Can I, um...
(Sighs)
Listen to us. It's not supposed to be like this. Everything's so polite.
I mean, with Andrew, two hours after I met him, I was in his bed.
Lucky it was dark. If I'd seen the condition of his apartment, I wouldn't have slept with him.
No, actually, I would have, cos that's how it is with me.
I act on impulse.
- Do you think this is acting on impulse? - This isn't impulsive.
This is the longest foreplay I've ever experienced.
A year of just getting to know you.
What do you know about me, Laura?
Specifics, you mean?
I know some things.
- I know you have children. - Yes, I do.
Max, Rosie, lan. Yeah, and what else?
Once or twice you haven't worn your wedding ring.
I noticed that.
It's because... (Clears throat)
...sometimes when I'm washing the dishes, the, uh...
the dish soap gets under the band and... irritates the skin.
What are you thinking about now?
Just you.
I remember once when I was...
I was about 14,
I, um, had a crush...
No, actually, I didn't have a crush.
I fell in love with... (Chuckles)
My biology teacher.
- Oh, yeah? Well... - She must have been about 33, 34.
I used to write her these big, long poems,
and I would put them in with my homework.
And I remember saying to her one day, "I'm not interested in girls my age.
"They don't understand me. They don't know who the real me is."
What I really wanted was...
was her.
So one day...
I found myself alone in the lab, in the science lab, with her.
And I heard myself say that...
that I just had to kiss her.
And what happened?
She turned off the lights...
and she came right up to me
and she stood facing me in complete darkness.
And I remember the sound of her breathing
and the smell of her perfume.
It was like I was... I was drunk or something.
She looked me straight in the eye,
and she said really quietly...
"Go on. Do it.
"Just do it."
- You know what happened? - What?
I got the hell out of there, ran away.
(Chuckles)
Did you ever think what would have happened if you hadn't run?
If you had kissed her?
I used to think about that all the time.
But now when I think of it, I... (Clears throat)
- I thank her for it. I do. - For what? For scaring you?
No.
I guess she showed me that what I felt or what I thought I felt,
even though it was real and genuine to me, was...
it was really just a fantasy.
It wasn't real.
And that she had the compassion to let me go back to my... to my future.
David didn't turn out the light.
He said he wanted to look at me...
that my body was amazing, that I was beautiful.
He went on and on about that.
I can't believe how naive I was.
What I thought was gonna happen when I walked into his room, I...
God, isn't it crazy all the things you imagine sex will be when you're young?
I had very romantic thoughts.
I imagined an angel would come and when we were in bed, she'd touch me...
and erase my former life.
He told me how proud he was of me.
When I was in California, he told me I was ripe for this, that I was a woman.
He said that I was ready.
Then he started whispering to me.
He said he never had such a hard-on in his life and he said, "See what you did to me?"
And he undressed and stood in the middle of the room,
showing me what I did to him.
Then he undressed me. He was very professional.
I remember he spit...
into his hand...
in order to wet his...
It was disgusting.
I think that was the minute that I wanted to run away,
but it was too late, because he said that I was ready.
Listen to me, Laura.
It's really important that you understand that none of this was your fault.
You were 16 years of age.
You didn't... How could you have known what was gonna happen?
- How could you know what to expect? - I wanted him to hold me, Paul,
to take me away from the house, away from the death of that house.
I just wanted him to help me get away.
I never wanted him to fuck me.
Oh, Laura.
(Sobbing)
- Fuck, I ruined it. - No.
- You don't want me any more. - No, it's not true, Laura.
Please listen to me.
I really care about you.
I really care about what happens to you.
And...
I will not do anything in the world to hurt you. I promise.
Look, I think the real damage that David did
was that he destroyed your ability to communicate with men
- from a non-sexual place. - Not true.
- I think it is true. - You make me sound so terrible.
- There is nothing terrible about you to me. - If you don't wanna fuck me, don't fuck me.
I'm a big girl. I can take it. Go on, say it to my face. Go on.
Laura, listen to me.
I think you feel that if I don't sleep with you,
I'm not gonna be interested in you, in who you are.
But I am not willing to betray you.
I am not going to disappoint you.
I will not be another David.
There's something going on between us, Paul.
Something more and you know it.
You're just too fucking afraid.
(Mobile)
It's my brother.
Hi, OIlie.
Great.
Tell them not to move him till I get there. I'll be right there, OK?
OK, bye.
Well, his temperature's normal.
Good.
That's good news.
It'll be OK,
I promise you.
It'll be OK.
- Mm. - OK.
(Clattering and banging)
Hi.
English SDH