1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,911 Previously on In Treatment. 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,278 Well, David was my first. 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,756 Don't look at me like that, I wasn't a victim. I got into his bed. 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,995 He was a 40-year-old man for Christ's sake. 5 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,600 Your father had no idea what was going on? 6 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,312 He was asleep in the next room. 7 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:27,833 I think it's important that you talk to your father about this while it's still possible. 8 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,270 You know that this thing with me and Alex is over? 9 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,151 I ended it. 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,431 I can't continue, Paul. 11 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:40,472 Every minute here is tearing me apart. 12 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,678 Daddy? 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,991 (Water splashing in bathroom) 14 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,991 (Mobile) 15 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,238 Yes, hello. 16 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,029 No, I'm, uh... I'm on my way somewhere. 17 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,071 No, not to the ward. 18 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,636 No, absolutely not. 19 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:15,310 Because his temperature is slightly up and I don't want it to get out of hand. 20 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,751 Just tell them to take care of him until I get there. Just keep an eye on his fever. 21 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,752 In about 90 minutes. 22 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:27,029 (Sighs) Look, it's... it's important. Can I count on you? 23 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,511 OK. 24 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,596 OK, bye. 25 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,198 - Hi. - Hi. 26 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,512 - Here. For you. - Oh. 27 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,595 What is it? 28 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,349 There's a farmer's market across the street from the hospital. 29 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,118 Maple syrup. 30 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,435 - It's Vermont's finest. - Thanks. 31 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,552 Sure. Your kids eat pancakes, right? 32 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,669 Yeah. 33 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:58,714 Come on in. 34 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,989 Thanks. 35 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,430 Thanks for seeing me. When I dialled your number this morning, 36 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,836 I thought, "It's not even eight o'clock. I probably woke everybody up." 37 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,678 Please, this place is a circus by eight o'clock. 38 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,393 I had no one else to talk to. 39 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:24,234 I even called Andrew, but he never called me back. Anyway, thanks. 40 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,435 I thought my hour would be filled already. 41 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,552 Your hour isn't filled. How is your dad? 42 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,433 - Is he still in ICU? - Yes. 43 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:42,436 His temperature went up and they wanted to move him to the ward, but... 44 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:47,918 I want him kept there as long as possible, where he's got one-on-one nursing care. 45 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,354 He looks so small, you know. 46 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,356 So tiny. 47 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,071 He looks lost in that huge bed. 48 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,633 (Sniffs) 49 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,717 You can barely see his body under the sheets. 50 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,591 He looks like ET. 51 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,280 You'd think I'd be more resistant, huh? 52 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,108 I've already seen people shrink into little gremlins. 53 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,551 But not my father. 54 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,358 (Sighs) 55 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,079 I took your advice. I told him about David. 56 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,388 When I left here last week, I called him. 57 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,829 He was so happy to hear from me. 58 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,430 It had been a month since we'd seen each other. 59 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,029 So I went around to his house and he ordered takeout. 60 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,038 My dad never orders takeout. He doesn't know how. 61 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,959 I swear he ordered half the menu. I'm not exaggerating. 62 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,195 He means well, but I don't think he knows what I like. 63 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,957 Do you know what your kids like? 64 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,400 - You mean apart from pancakes? - (Laughs) 65 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,108 When I told him about David he said... 66 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,238 "I thought so." 67 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:32,835 We were sitting in the kitchen surrounded by takeout containers, about 20 of them. 68 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,509 He was just pushing his egg roll from one side of the plate to the other, 69 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:41,350 dipping it in the hot mustard without looking up at me and says, "I thought so." 70 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,391 Hm. 71 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,712 Did you tell him the full story? 72 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,512 Yeah, well... 73 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,314 More or less. I mean, I told him that I slept with David at our house. 74 00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:01,195 He asked me if it continued later, and I said, "No, it was just a passing thing." 75 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,632 That nothing happened to me and he didn't need to worry, 76 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:09,514 and that it came up in therapy and I thought I should talk to him about it. 77 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,632 It doesn't sound to me like your father was... 78 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,437 doesn't sound like he was surprised. 79 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,551 How do you feel about that? 80 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:25,070 That he might have known all along, and that he didn't do anything about it? 81 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,359 I didn't take it that way. 82 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,428 Look, Paul, the pain, the shock of it was so bad, 83 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,189 he immediately had to act as if he'd known all along, 84 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,629 as if to deflect the shock of it to... 85 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,114 (Sighs) 86 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,310 Old habits die hard, huh? 87 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,990 You can take the girl out of therapy, but you can't take the therapy out of conversation. 88 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,151 (Chuckles) 89 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,717 It's funny. Things feel different. 90 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,759 Feels like I haven't been here for a year. 91 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,631 Are those new shoes? 92 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,796 These? No, I found them in the closet. 93 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,718 I'd forgotten about them. I used to wear them before... 94 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,433 - before I was married. - They're nice. 95 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,471 - Think so? - (Chuckles) 96 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,673 (Paul) Mm. 97 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,078 I'm really glad that you called. 98 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,510 (Chuckles) Really? Huh. (Sniffs) 99 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,551 What, did you miss me? (Chuckles) 100 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,268 Yes, I did. 101 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,029 Even after that dramatic exit last week? 102 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,513 Yeah. 103 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,711 Really? 104 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,311 Yeah. 105 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,351 I guess the prospect of... 106 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,590 of not seeing you again kind of... 107 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,591 kind of scared me. 108 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,108 Losing a patient is such a big deal? 109 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,070 Losing you is a big deal. 110 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,076 - Does it bother you I said that? - No. 111 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,635 I just don't understand why you're saying it. I mean, why now? 112 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,955 (Laughs) 113 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,479 Is this a trick? 114 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,875 Why... why would I be tricking you? 115 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,070 I... I just don't understand why you're saying it. 116 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,873 To be honest, I don't really believe you. 117 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,831 It's the truth, Laura. 118 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,719 I'm trying to say how I feel about you. 119 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,320 I think you deserve to know. I think it's... 120 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,756 I think it's time for you to know. 121 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:53,989 Know what? 122 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,838 That I have very deep feelings for you. 123 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,640 I... I keep thinking about you all the time. 124 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,148 I really miss you sometimes. It's... 125 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,637 No... 126 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,272 not sometimes. 127 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,548 Often. 128 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,750 I miss you often. 129 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,156 (Sighs) 130 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,356 OK, so what now? 131 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,597 I mean, if I say yes, then what, it will happen? 132 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,076 What, this isn't therapy, so it's OK all of a sudden? 133 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,829 You know what? This whole thing doesn't seem right. It feels weird. 134 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,393 What, that I... 135 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,152 That I said I had feelings for you? 136 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,509 You're testing me. Are you testing me, Paul? 137 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:50,959 No. 138 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,239 (Sighs) 139 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,279 OK. 140 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,392 OK, good. 141 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,237 You know, we never sat on the same couch before. 142 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,311 So what now? 143 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,351 I don't know, Paul. 144 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,559 (Sighs) 145 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,792 Can I, um... 146 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,632 (Sighs) 147 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:45,957 Listen to us. It's not supposed to be like this. Everything's so polite. 148 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:50,630 I mean, with Andrew, two hours after I met him, I was in his bed. 149 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:55,390 Lucky it was dark. If I'd seen the condition of his apartment, I wouldn't have slept with him. 150 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,637 No, actually, I would have, cos that's how it is with me. 151 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,557 I act on impulse. 152 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,752 - Do you think this is acting on impulse? - This isn't impulsive. 153 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,190 This is the longest foreplay I've ever experienced. 154 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,674 A year of just getting to know you. 155 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,198 What do you know about me, Laura? 156 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,271 Specifics, you mean? 157 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,511 I know some things. 158 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,560 - I know you have children. - Yes, I do. 159 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,672 Max, Rosie, lan. Yeah, and what else? 160 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,349 Once or twice you haven't worn your wedding ring. 161 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,197 I noticed that. 162 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,514 It's because... (Clears throat) 163 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,120 ...sometimes when I'm washing the dishes, the, uh... 164 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:07,797 the dish soap gets under the band and... irritates the skin. 165 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,473 What are you thinking about now? 166 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,397 Just you. 167 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,075 I remember once when I was... 168 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,111 I was about 14, 169 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,720 I, um, had a crush... 170 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,069 No, actually, I didn't have a crush. 171 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,556 I fell in love with... (Chuckles) 172 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,955 My biology teacher. 173 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,118 - Oh, yeah? Well... - She must have been about 33, 34. 174 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,630 I used to write her these big, long poems, 175 00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,478 and I would put them in with my homework. 176 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:07,518 And I remember saying to her one day, "I'm not interested in girls my age. 177 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,836 "They don't understand me. They don't know who the real me is." 178 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,950 What I really wanted was... 179 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,278 was her. 180 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,031 So one day... 181 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,791 I found myself alone in the lab, in the science lab, with her. 182 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,191 And I heard myself say that... 183 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,350 that I just had to kiss her. 184 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,436 And what happened? 185 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,275 She turned off the lights... 186 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,430 and she came right up to me 187 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,278 and she stood facing me in complete darkness. 188 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,677 And I remember the sound of her breathing 189 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,109 and the smell of her perfume. 190 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,954 It was like I was... I was drunk or something. 191 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,877 She looked me straight in the eye, 192 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,195 and she said really quietly... 193 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,870 "Go on. Do it. 194 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,277 "Just do it." 195 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,112 - You know what happened? - What? 196 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,276 I got the hell out of there, ran away. 197 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,999 (Chuckles) 198 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,237 Did you ever think what would have happened if you hadn't run? 199 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,157 If you had kissed her? 200 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,760 I used to think about that all the time. 201 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,794 But now when I think of it, I... (Clears throat) 202 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,991 - I thank her for it. I do. - For what? For scaring you? 203 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,393 No. 204 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,514 I guess she showed me that what I felt or what I thought I felt, 205 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:44,348 even though it was real and genuine to me, was... 206 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,391 it was really just a fantasy. 207 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,910 It wasn't real. 208 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:54,909 And that she had the compassion to let me go back to my... to my future. 209 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,637 David didn't turn out the light. 210 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,155 He said he wanted to look at me... 211 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,394 that my body was amazing, that I was beautiful. 212 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,431 He went on and on about that. 213 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,075 I can't believe how naive I was. 214 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:36,436 What I thought was gonna happen when I walked into his room, I... 215 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,678 God, isn't it crazy all the things you imagine sex will be when you're young? 216 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,915 I had very romantic thoughts. 217 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:50,594 I imagined an angel would come and when we were in bed, she'd touch me... 218 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,631 and erase my former life. 219 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,273 He told me how proud he was of me. 220 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,950 When I was in California, he told me I was ripe for this, that I was a woman. 221 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,911 He said that I was ready. 222 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,238 Then he started whispering to me. 223 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:20,035 He said he never had such a hard-on in his life and he said, "See what you did to me?" 224 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,476 And he undressed and stood in the middle of the room, 225 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,034 showing me what I did to him. 226 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,596 Then he undressed me. He was very professional. 227 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,155 I remember he spit... 228 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,156 into his hand... 229 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,634 in order to wet his... 230 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,671 It was disgusting. 231 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,198 I think that was the minute that I wanted to run away, 232 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,789 but it was too late, because he said that I was ready. 233 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,831 Listen to me, Laura. 234 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:07,070 It's really important that you understand that none of this was your fault. 235 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,588 You were 16 years of age. 236 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,235 You didn't... How could you have known what was gonna happen? 237 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:17,592 - How could you know what to expect? - I wanted him to hold me, Paul, 238 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,189 to take me away from the house, away from the death of that house. 239 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,515 I just wanted him to help me get away. 240 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,309 I never wanted him to fuck me. 241 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,351 Oh, Laura. 242 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,798 (Sobbing) 243 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,038 - Fuck, I ruined it. - No. 244 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,117 - You don't want me any more. - No, it's not true, Laura. 245 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,957 Please listen to me. 246 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,830 I really care about you. 247 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,838 I really care about what happens to you. 248 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,551 And... 249 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,070 I will not do anything in the world to hurt you. I promise. 250 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,157 Look, I think the real damage that David did 251 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,351 was that he destroyed your ability to communicate with men 252 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,436 - from a non-sexual place. - Not true. 253 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,869 - I think it is true. - You make me sound so terrible. 254 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:24,232 - There is nothing terrible about you to me. - If you don't wanna fuck me, don't fuck me. 255 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,113 I'm a big girl. I can take it. Go on, say it to my face. Go on. 256 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,071 Laura, listen to me. 257 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,509 I think you feel that if I don't sleep with you, 258 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:35,519 I'm not gonna be interested in you, in who you are. 259 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,552 But I am not willing to betray you. 260 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,591 I am not going to disappoint you. 261 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,108 I will not be another David. 262 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,469 There's something going on between us, Paul. 263 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,670 Something more and you know it. 264 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,109 You're just too fucking afraid. 265 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,234 (Mobile) 266 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,918 It's my brother. 267 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,598 Hi, OIlie. 268 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,352 Great. 269 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,710 Tell them not to move him till I get there. I'll be right there, OK? 270 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,159 OK, bye. 271 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,632 Well, his temperature's normal. 272 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,312 Good. 273 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,998 That's good news. 274 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,956 It'll be OK, 275 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,036 I promise you. 276 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,240 It'll be OK. 277 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,669 - Mm. - OK. 278 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,959 (Clattering and banging) 279 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,353 Hi. 280 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:07,669 English SDH