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Tonight... Richard drives
a new Lamborghini.
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James and I go on a caravan holiday.
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And a rock god
is in our Reasonably Priced Car.
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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Thank you, everybody! Hello! Hello
and welcome. Thank you, everybody.
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Thank you, thanks. Now...
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1963 saw the birth of two things
I'm not very interested in.
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The Porsche 911 and James May.
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Apparently, however, there is
now a new 911, which won't be new
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in any way at all,
and James has been driving it.
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Here it is. And I agree.
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In terms of appearance,
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it's changed rather less
over the last 50 years than I have.
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The interior may be more ordered,
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and Porsche nerds will spot
that it's a couple of inches longer.
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But to normal people,
it looks just like another 911.
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In truth, though, this is all new.
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The body, for example,
is now made from aluminium,
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which means it is much lighter -
and lighter is good.
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The 3.8 litre flat-six engine
has been upgraded.
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There's a new seven-speed
manual gearbox.
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Which is fantastic.
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And all new suspension,
which does its job impeccably.
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For 50 years, Porsche have
bloody-mindedly stuck with
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this daft idea of building a car
with the engine at the back, but...
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half a century of
consistent fiddling around
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and they've made it work
brilliantly.
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It's so good that it brought on
a temporary attack of yobbishness.
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Turn in, give it
a little squeeze of power.
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Feel it all tighten up.
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How could you not like a 911?
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And that question brings me
on to an important point.
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Strange to say it,
but this car has a big problem.
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And that problem is
classic 911 enthusiasts.
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To them,
this car is the work of Satan,
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and simply because it isn't an old
911. I'll give you a good example.
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This car has electric
power steering,
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and, to be honest,
I'm perfectly happy with it.
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So would you be, I'm sure.
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And if you put
electric power steering
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on a Lamborghini or a Maserati,
nobody would bat an eyelid.
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But on a 911, this simple
technical development has turned
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the faithful into an angry,
roaring mob,
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storming up from the village with
pitchforks and blazing effigies,
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shouting, "Witchcraft!"
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What they actually want in
a new 911 is a 911 that's new
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and yet not new.
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What they want is this...
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the work of a small Californian
company called Singer.
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This looks like an old 911,
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and some of its parts are indeed
cherry-picked from past 911s.
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But the whole car is custom-built.
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And, where necessary,
it's peppered with modern touches.
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The engine is another classic 911
3.8 litre flat-six.
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But this one has been fettled
by Cosworth in California,
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and develops 360 horsepower.
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And a lovely buzz.
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Gets you in there.
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And although the body may look like
it's come from a 1960s Porsche,
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almost all of it has been
remodelled in carbon fibre.
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The result of that is that this
911 weighs 200 kilograms less
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than a new one.
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That's like taking a Harley Davidson
out of the luggage compartment.
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So, yes, it is a tribute band,
but it can rock like the original.
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No, better, actually.
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The precision on the steering -
you didn't feel that,
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obviously, because you're not in
here, but it's utterly intuitive.
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Look, it's an old 911,
it feels old,
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and then I get to the hammerhead,
and the brakes are tremendous.
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0-60 takes 4.5 seconds, and the
top speed is 175 miles an hour.
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But, actually, in this car,
those figures are irrelevant.
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The interesting thing is,
they could've overdone this.
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I mean, it would be possible to
put the turbo engine in this car,
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they could have made it ludicrously
powerful, but they haven't.
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They've concentrated on
the sensation of performance,
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the noise, the vibration,
the feel of the steering.
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That's what actually matters.
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Before we go any further,
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you're probably wondering
what all this excellence costs.
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Well, the bottom line is, it's a
lot. Around £280,000, in fact.
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Now, that is a lot of money
for a car, I know.
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But, then again, £50,000 is a lot
of money for one of those Dior
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couture dresses,
until I learned that
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over 2,000 hours of immaculate
handiwork goes into making it.
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It's the same with the car.
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The monks of this monastery of
the 911 have prostrated themselves
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before their icon and anointed it
with exquisite gifts.
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Each of these cars
takes 4,000 man-hours to make.
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And each one features unique
touches - like the rev counter
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in this one, that goes up to 11
as a tribute to Spinal Tap.
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What this is, in truth,
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is more than just the perfect bauble
for the devoted 911 enthusiast.
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What this is... Well, it's a
bit like the Eagle E-Type that
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Jeremy drove a few series back.
It's a love letter to a car.
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Can I just say... Hold on a minute.
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That steering - what do you
mean you're perfectly happy
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with the electric steering on the
new 911? I don't think it matters.
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But the steering was the defining
characteristic of any
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of the generations of 911.
It's about how it feels.
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You said how the steering feels.
I know, you're right.
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You're talking about
the little patter thing inside.
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Well, I know what you mean.
But it's better.
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But that means they've changed it.
Shut up!
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All 911s are exactly the same.
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That's like saying all babies are the
same. They are! They are identical.
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And that one that Singer
has modified, that is
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completely different.
Oh, he's still going on about it.
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It's like a sort of 911
greatest hits.
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That's like a Showaddywaddy
greatest hits!
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Can we please stop
talking about the 911?
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Please, let's do the news,
let's do the news. OK.
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And now, it's time for the news.
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Porsche has announced a new 911.
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Oh, for crying out loud. I'm going.
Oh, this is going to be good!
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It revs to 9,000rpm. Shut up
about your glorified Beetle!
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It's not a Beetle,
it's a magnificent thing.
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That is going to be about £100,000,
the end of this year,
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it'll be here. It's going to be
wonderful. All right, all right.
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We'll move it on.
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Now, there is a new Porsche 911.
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This is the Turbo and the Turbo S.
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Clues to identification
begin with that...
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Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Didn't Porsche say a while back
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they were never going to make
another 911 Turbo?
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Actually, they did in the '90s,
they did say that. Exactly.
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So, not only are they
crap engineers, they're liars.
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You cannot level crap engineers
at Porsche. Yes, I can. Yes, I can.
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They haven't evolved.
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They had one idea and
they just produced it
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year after year after year.
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You've got to move on.
Look at this show...
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Maybe we can edit that out.
We'll edit that out.
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So, that's interesting.
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So, what you're saying is, Porsche
had an idea and stuck with it,
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and I respect them for that.
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Right, let's move onto proper news.
Oh, now, yes. Bad news.
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Mr Cameron has decided there should
be a ban on internet pornography.
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What are you going to do?
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That means we will no longer be
able to look at pictures like this.
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Wait a minute, is this wise?!
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He hasn't banned it yet. Have a look
at this. Oh, I see what you mean.
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Oooh.
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That is strong pornography. It is.
It's actually a one-off Lamborghini.
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It's called the Selfish.
It's not called the Selfish.
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It is. It's called the Egoista.
It's Italian for "selfish".
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Anyway,
you won't be able to see that.
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And nor will you be
able to see this.
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In what way is that pornography?
Well, it's orange.
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The thing is -
this is a true story, OK?
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A friend of mine has a website,
and it has an orange backdrop.
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Now, in various offices and work
places that have this porn filter
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on the internet, OK, orange
is picked up as a skin tone -
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which, of course,
it is in Cheshire, yeah?
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It's picked up, so it will just
see that as a naked lady with
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a sort of vajazzle in the shape
of a Renault badge.
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And then it won't let anyone see it.
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So Mr Cameron's porn filter
is just going to stop us
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looking at things that are orange?
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Yeah, David Dickinson's had it.
He's gone!
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I think it's a bit more
sophisticated than that.
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I think it looks for words and
things as well. On search engines.
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Certain words? Obviously.
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Volvo. They've had it.
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Why?
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Well, it's a bit close to...
Oh, I see!
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What about Fuchs alloys?
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You're never going to be able
to see a Fuchs alloy.
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Bell helmets. No.
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You can't look at them.
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You know we were doing
the Africa special last year,
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and I got my BMW stuck on that
termite mound thing, and I said,
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"Right, James, you reverse onto me,
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"and Hammond tug me
off from behind."
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I said that. That won't be
showing up on iPlayer.
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No, Mr Cameron, don't ban it.
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Now, Ford has obviously decided
the problem with modern cars
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is they don't have enough
radiator grilles,
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so this is their new one,
this is the EcoSport.
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It has one, two, three, four,
five radiator grilles.
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It's only got a one-litre
engine under there -
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it's going to need a blanket,
it'll be draughty.
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It'll be shivering in a corner,
"I'm cold!"
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That massive car hasn't got
a one-litre engine. No, it's not
massive.
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It looks it, but it's basically a
Fiesta on stilts, it's a small car.
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Can I just say,
the thing that baffles me most
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about this car - I'm going
to quote for you here, OK?
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It says, "As a first in Europe,
the Ford's SYNC App Link system
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"will offer drivers voice control
of mobile apps on the move,
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"including the music streaming
service Spotify."
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Does anyone here have the first
idea what any of that means?
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00:13:02,795 --> 00:13:06,514
Does anyone really know? What is it?
Spotify? What is Spotify?
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00:13:06,515 --> 00:13:08,194
It's a music streaming service,
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00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:12,154
so you can listen to music over
the internet. Any music? Any music.
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00:13:12,155 --> 00:13:15,994
So, if I were just driving along
and I said "Roxanne", it would
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00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:20,674
play Roxanne? Maybe. Well,
hang on, that's not going to work.
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Because we know the voice
recognition in cars is rubbish -
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it never works, does it?
So, if you just say, "The Police",
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00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:28,435
it will probably actually
ring the police.
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00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:31,394
No, it will! It will, it will!
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00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,754
Because this car's got a feature
on it that if you have an accident
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or get into problems, it calls
the emergency services for you.
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00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,554
Well, that's just
a recipe for disaster.
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You'll be sitting there going,
"Right, get the fire brigade,"
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and it would play The Move!
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00:13:44,795 --> 00:13:47,394
♪ Get the fire brigade
get the fire brigade! ♪
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00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:50,874
"I'm in trouble, help!"
♪ I need somebody, help! ♪
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00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:53,834
What a terrible way to die,
trapped in your car,
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listening to all the embarrassing
rubbish on your iPod.
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Anyway, so that won't work.
Let's move on.
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Good news, ladies and gentlemen.
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00:14:03,035 --> 00:14:05,514
Dacia has announced a special,
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00:14:05,515 --> 00:14:09,594
limited-edition,
black version of the Duster.
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00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:12,314
Oooh.
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00:14:12,315 --> 00:14:13,714
No, hang on a minute.
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00:14:13,715 --> 00:14:16,594
I mean, I normally go,
"brilliant" and move on,
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00:14:16,595 --> 00:14:19,314
but that's black
like a Mercedes 6.2 V8?
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00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:21,955
No. It's literally black.
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00:14:23,275 --> 00:14:26,194
I was going to say they've
painted it black - actually,
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they haven't painted it. They've
done a wrap in like a bin liner.
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00:14:29,115 --> 00:14:31,834
So there's a blue edition and
a yellow edition and a white one.
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00:14:31,835 --> 00:14:36,194
It's just a black car. That's a bit
daft. Now, can I just say something?
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00:14:36,195 --> 00:14:40,554
As we know, the heatwave ended
spectacularly in Britain on Tuesday.
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00:14:40,555 --> 00:14:43,194
Many storms, we've got some
pictures of the aftermath here.
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00:14:43,195 --> 00:14:45,755
I'm not gloating, but call me Noah.
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00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,714
I mean, this guy, with his BMW,
very proud of it,
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00:14:49,715 --> 00:14:52,835
but at that moment he's thinking,
"I wish I had that hover van."
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00:14:54,115 --> 00:14:55,874
I told you!
228
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:57,554
Now, a couple of weeks ago,
229
00:14:57,555 --> 00:15:00,754
we drove across Spain
in three budget supercars.
230
00:15:00,755 --> 00:15:04,634
Lamborghini then got in touch
and said they'd built one too.
231
00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:07,915
Better still, they invited me
over to Italy to drive it.
232
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:23,755
So, here we are.
233
00:15:25,915 --> 00:15:31,595
Budget car, Lamborghini style.
The Aventador Roadster.
234
00:15:33,795 --> 00:15:35,674
As you'd expect from Lamborghini,
235
00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:40,954
it's basically a roofless wedge
of ginormous numbers.
236
00:15:40,955 --> 00:15:43,315
700 horsepower.
237
00:15:44,555 --> 00:15:48,834
217 miles an hour, 6.5 litre V12.
238
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:52,674
£289,000. The only small number?
239
00:15:52,675 --> 00:15:56,915
0-60 - three seconds.
You get where I'm going.
240
00:16:00,195 --> 00:16:04,715
It also handles beautifully,
easily as sharp as the hardtop.
241
00:16:06,075 --> 00:16:09,074
But I'm not going to spend
my time today doing a big,
242
00:16:09,075 --> 00:16:12,234
technical assessment of this car's
driving dynamics and such,
243
00:16:12,235 --> 00:16:16,554
because what I'm interested in
is why this car perfectly sums up
244
00:16:16,555 --> 00:16:19,995
what's so special about Lamborghini.
245
00:16:29,435 --> 00:16:31,314
You see, most sports car companies,
246
00:16:31,315 --> 00:16:34,394
a lot of their appeal
comes down to their heritage.
247
00:16:34,395 --> 00:16:39,114
Cars named after famous race tracks,
famous races -
248
00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:41,794
Mille Miglia, Lamont, and the like.
249
00:16:41,795 --> 00:16:44,754
But Lamborghini has never
bothered with any of that.
250
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:48,914
Their mission has always been to make
the best bedroom wall poster
251
00:16:48,915 --> 00:16:52,595
subjects in the world -
always looking forward.
252
00:16:53,635 --> 00:16:55,274
Never back.
253
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:58,914
Look at this thing.
It's just pure theatre.
254
00:16:58,915 --> 00:17:01,074
Everything is dialled up to 11.
255
00:17:01,075 --> 00:17:05,434
It brings out the nine-year-old
inside every 40-year-old.
256
00:17:05,435 --> 00:17:07,394
43... 38.
257
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:10,515
Middle-aged. Early middle-aged man.
258
00:17:13,235 --> 00:17:16,874
What's really astonishing is
they've been pulling off this trick
259
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:19,514
for 50 years now.
260
00:17:19,515 --> 00:17:24,874
That's five decades of unleashing
unique, flamboyant machines,
261
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:28,955
each more outrageous than the last.
262
00:17:32,475 --> 00:17:35,834
The thing is, that's kind of a
high risk strategy, cos how do
263
00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:41,834
you keep doing extreme, year after
year after year, for 50 years?
264
00:17:41,835 --> 00:17:43,794
What do you come up with next?
265
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:46,114
Well, let's find out what, shall we?
266
00:17:46,115 --> 00:17:50,314
Because, in truth, this isn't
the car they rang us about.
267
00:17:50,315 --> 00:17:54,875
The car they rang us about
makes this look dull.
268
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:21,354
It's called the Sesto Elemento,
Italian for "sixth element".
269
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:26,794
And in the periodic table, that
sixth element is carbon, which is
270
00:18:26,795 --> 00:18:30,754
no coincidence, because this thing
is made from little else.
271
00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:32,954
The prop shaft, the suspension -
272
00:18:32,955 --> 00:18:36,955
even the wheel rims are
all forged from carbon.
273
00:18:39,235 --> 00:18:42,754
And the body is made from
a revolutionary blend of plastic
274
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:46,555
and carbon, jointly developed
by Lamborghini and Boeing.
275
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:54,034
Such an extreme car
deserves an extreme location.
276
00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:57,955
Which is why we've returned
to the fearsome Imola racetrack.
277
00:19:04,115 --> 00:19:08,034
Right. Last time I was here,
I was in a Noble M600,
278
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:11,315
which, as we know, is no slouch.
279
00:19:13,315 --> 00:19:16,954
Let's give it a shot. Three...
280
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,035
Let's just do it.
281
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,715
It's different! That's what it is!
282
00:19:40,275 --> 00:19:42,755
It's super fast.
283
00:19:44,155 --> 00:19:45,755
God, it nearly wheelies.
284
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,594
The reason it's so fast is not only
285
00:19:51,595 --> 00:19:55,354
because it's powered by
a 570 horsepower V10,
286
00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:58,354
but also because,
despite that massive engine,
287
00:19:58,355 --> 00:20:00,914
and a full four-wheel-drive system,
288
00:20:00,915 --> 00:20:03,555
it weighs less than a Ford Fiesta.
289
00:20:04,715 --> 00:20:08,795
That means 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds.
290
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:14,114
The same as a Veyron.
291
00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:15,915
Holy moly!
292
00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:22,635
Now, there are other supercars
that are fast because they're light.
293
00:20:24,435 --> 00:20:29,395
But no car is as extreme as this
in the pursuit of shedding weight.
294
00:20:31,235 --> 00:20:34,674
The Sesto Elemento doesn't even have
paint.
295
00:20:34,675 --> 00:20:39,275
Instead, its colour comes from flecks
of crystal embedded in the bodywork.
296
00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:43,154
And there's more.
297
00:20:43,155 --> 00:20:47,194
These seats, they're not actually
seats, they've just made these pads
298
00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:50,474
in a seat shape and stuck them
directly onto the chassis.
299
00:20:50,475 --> 00:20:53,114
And the dashboard, there isn't one.
300
00:20:53,115 --> 00:20:56,754
Instead you get this exposed
carbon plastic composite
301
00:20:56,755 --> 00:21:01,114
but what I love is the way they've
done all this brutal simplicity
302
00:21:01,115 --> 00:21:04,114
and weight-saving in an Italian way.
303
00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:05,754
It's beautiful.
304
00:21:05,755 --> 00:21:08,795
This central spar looks like it
belongs in a modern art gallery.
305
00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:19,674
Yet despite its many unique
qualities,
306
00:21:19,675 --> 00:21:24,434
the Sesto Elemento does share one
thing with other high-end
sports cars.
307
00:21:24,435 --> 00:21:27,115
Its ability to empty
your bank account.
308
00:21:28,195 --> 00:21:34,234
I think Lamborghini has learned
from Porsche the art of charging
more for less.
309
00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:37,434
So this thing, with its missing
dashboard and seats, is,
310
00:21:37,435 --> 00:21:39,554
wait for it,
311
00:21:39,555 --> 00:21:42,075
£1.95 million.
312
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,474
However,
there's no time to be shocked by that
313
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:54,515
because right now I'm in a £2 million
hyper car and I've got it all
to myself.
314
00:22:00,355 --> 00:22:05,355
That moment when it turns in,
it changes direction,
it turns like a swallow.
315
00:22:07,155 --> 00:22:09,514
Because it's light,
you can break so late
316
00:22:09,515 --> 00:22:15,194
and because it's light it can turn so
hard without tearing its own tyres
off.
317
00:22:15,195 --> 00:22:17,834
And because it's light,
when you get out of the turn
318
00:22:17,835 --> 00:22:21,955
the 570-brake horsepower V10
just catapults it.
319
00:22:34,115 --> 00:22:36,715
People talk about being at one
with the car.
320
00:22:37,715 --> 00:22:40,315
I've grown a car out of my hands
and feet.
321
00:22:42,035 --> 00:22:46,155
Operating the steering is just
a joyous experience!
322
00:22:49,955 --> 00:22:53,155
It's the most alive thing I've ever
driven. It's beautiful.
323
00:22:58,435 --> 00:23:00,955
Absolutely dazzling.
324
00:23:04,315 --> 00:23:08,234
And when you've finished, you can
get out and remind yourself you've
325
00:23:08,235 --> 00:23:11,195
been driving something
that looks like this.
326
00:23:13,275 --> 00:23:18,514
I've said for some time that
Pagani have been stealing
Lamborghini's crown
327
00:23:18,515 --> 00:23:22,314
when it comes to making
the best bedroom wall poster car
328
00:23:22,315 --> 00:23:27,075
but I think the new boys have just
been slapped down.
329
00:23:41,515 --> 00:23:43,594
It's amazing.
330
00:23:43,595 --> 00:23:47,075
When you say it's light.
Have you seen the windscreen?
331
00:23:48,195 --> 00:23:51,674
That is how light this thing is.
That's not even glass.
332
00:23:51,675 --> 00:23:54,674
It was electrifying to drive
because if you think,
333
00:23:54,675 --> 00:23:57,474
most supercars are broadly the same.
334
00:23:57,475 --> 00:24:00,674
This just felt different.
It feels like the future.
335
00:24:00,675 --> 00:24:03,314
I took it for a spin this morning,
as, you know...
336
00:24:03,315 --> 00:24:08,194
And what I loved about it is
because it's just a Gallardo
underneath it's not intimidating.
337
00:24:08,195 --> 00:24:11,634
It's just fantastically fast
without being terrifying.
338
00:24:11,635 --> 00:24:13,954
It nimble and sharp, it's beautiful.
339
00:24:13,955 --> 00:24:17,314
Anyway, we must now find out how
fast it goes around our track
340
00:24:17,315 --> 00:24:21,594
and that means handing it over
to our tame racing driver.
341
00:24:21,595 --> 00:24:25,275
Some say he's married to
one of Princess Anne's hats.
342
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:30,994
And that he spent all week standing
outside a hospital in London
343
00:24:30,995 --> 00:24:34,314
pretending to be Nicholas Witchell.
344
00:24:34,315 --> 00:24:36,955
All we know he is he's
called The Stig.
345
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:43,914
And away he goes. No weight so it
takes off like a housefly.
346
00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:47,834
Coming up to the first corner,
shunting power backwards here
347
00:24:47,835 --> 00:24:52,235
to drive it through maintaining
grip. That's controlled.
348
00:24:54,115 --> 00:24:56,715
No stereo
so no TV theme tunes mercifully.
349
00:24:58,635 --> 00:25:00,874
A wiggle through Chicago.
350
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:04,314
Listen to that noise,
it's spectacular.
351
00:25:04,315 --> 00:25:09,154
Will it understeer or oversteer?
No, it won't do either of them.
352
00:25:09,155 --> 00:25:13,075
A bit of a bounce.
Stig is really on it today.
353
00:25:16,555 --> 00:25:20,914
Right, follow-through.
All 570-horsepower unleashed here.
354
00:25:20,915 --> 00:25:25,994
A bit of a drift. Steady on, Stig.
Wait, he's gone!
355
00:25:25,995 --> 00:25:32,634
He's gone, he's lost it. And he's
on the grass. Oh, my giddy aunt!
356
00:25:32,635 --> 00:25:35,114
Ooh, now that is a surprise.
357
00:25:35,115 --> 00:25:38,994
That's only the second time
he's ever spun off here.
358
00:25:38,995 --> 00:25:42,834
But he did eventually complete a lap
and I have the time here.
359
00:25:42,835 --> 00:25:46,354
This is where
the normal Gallardo got.
360
00:25:46,355 --> 00:25:49,395
But because this is a little bit
lighter, it's quick.
361
00:25:51,955 --> 00:25:54,714
Faster than that.
362
00:25:54,715 --> 00:25:58,194
Is it faster than
the Bugatti Veyron?
363
00:25:58,195 --> 00:26:01,435
Yes, it is. No way! You're not...
364
00:26:05,155 --> 00:26:08,355
Wow! That is amazing!
365
00:26:10,755 --> 00:26:13,155
That's what happens
when you lose weight.
366
00:26:14,515 --> 00:26:15,995
So, that...
367
00:26:18,195 --> 00:26:23,594
That is where it goes on our board
and now it goes on the floor.
368
00:26:23,595 --> 00:26:26,914
No, it must. Sorry because you can't
drive that on the road.
369
00:26:26,915 --> 00:26:29,474
The board is for road cars only.
Those are the rules.
370
00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:33,794
Absolutely and now we must
move on to the film Armageddon.
371
00:26:33,795 --> 00:26:37,274
Ever since I saw that
I've wanted to get the actress
372
00:26:37,275 --> 00:26:40,434
Liv Tyler to appear
in the Reasonably Priced Car.
373
00:26:40,435 --> 00:26:42,194
I have nagged and nagged
374
00:26:42,195 --> 00:26:46,395
and finally last week she agreed...
to send her dad.
375
00:26:47,995 --> 00:26:51,154
Apparently he's a singer in a band
called Aerosmith.
376
00:26:51,155 --> 00:26:54,755
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Liv Tyler's dad.
377
00:27:10,675 --> 00:27:14,954
I would have preferred your daughter
but you'll do. Have a seat.
378
00:27:14,955 --> 00:27:18,554
You'll do. I love you too!
379
00:27:18,555 --> 00:27:20,954
They're happy.
380
00:27:20,955 --> 00:27:24,314
Now, yesterday
we were trying to get hold of you
381
00:27:24,315 --> 00:27:28,754
and we were told by your people that
you were walking round Stonehenge
382
00:27:28,755 --> 00:27:32,435
with the son of God, or, as
we sometimes call him, David Icke.
383
00:27:33,595 --> 00:27:36,154
No, David Icke is quite
the character
384
00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:39,594
and I wanted to find out what it was
all about so I called him up
385
00:27:39,595 --> 00:27:43,034
and said, "Will you take me
around Stonehenge and show me around
386
00:27:43,035 --> 00:27:45,074
"so I can feel the energy
of the place?"
387
00:27:45,075 --> 00:27:48,354
I would have taken you around
Silverstone - it would have
been more fun.
388
00:27:48,355 --> 00:27:52,314
I'd have to check into rehab
again with you! Yeah, you would.
389
00:27:52,315 --> 00:27:57,354
Are you ever in the UK often? Not as
much as I wish I was. Not as much.
390
00:27:57,355 --> 00:27:59,554
The band plays here
and then we are on tour
391
00:27:59,555 --> 00:28:01,354
and we take off and go other places.
392
00:28:01,355 --> 00:28:05,234
In the early days, you went
around pretending to be Mick Jagger,
as I understand.
393
00:28:05,235 --> 00:28:07,635
Oh, jeez, that was 1967.
394
00:28:08,675 --> 00:28:10,874
Actually I pretended
to be his brother
395
00:28:10,875 --> 00:28:13,914
because someone said, "Are you
Mick Jagger?" and I said, "No,
396
00:28:13,915 --> 00:28:17,754
"I'm his brother."
And they believed me.
397
00:28:17,755 --> 00:28:19,794
They chased me down the beach
398
00:28:19,795 --> 00:28:25,394
and I got my first hit of what
it must be like to be a rock star.
And I loved it.
399
00:28:25,395 --> 00:28:30,154
Now, from what I understand,
unusually, you're not here
400
00:28:30,155 --> 00:28:32,874
because you're promoting
something or a new album,
401
00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:36,634
you came over because you wanted to
drive our Vauxhall Astra. I did.
402
00:28:36,635 --> 00:28:41,314
On Top Gear. I did.
My Hennessy venom was very jealous.
403
00:28:41,315 --> 00:28:45,315
You have a Hennessey Venom.
Does anyone here know what that is?
404
00:28:46,635 --> 00:28:50,754
There's nodding going on.
In essence it is a Lotus Exige.
405
00:28:50,755 --> 00:28:54,634
It is, stretched out and it's the
fastest road car there is right now.
406
00:28:54,635 --> 00:29:00,274
I thought it hadn't quite beaten
the Bugatti Veyron
for the ultimate top speed.
407
00:29:00,275 --> 00:29:03,714
It was 265 miles an hour,
did the Venom reach?
408
00:29:03,715 --> 00:29:08,034
I think it beat all
the records in two miles.
Oh, in two miles...
409
00:29:08,035 --> 00:29:11,754
We've got some footage here of
this car doing this record.
410
00:29:11,755 --> 00:29:14,355
You really need to see this.
Here we go.
411
00:29:20,475 --> 00:29:22,435
That's me on Sunset Strip!
412
00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:26,634
To be brutally honest,
from that, which is impressive,
413
00:29:26,635 --> 00:29:28,874
we don't get much of an idea
of what the car looks like
414
00:29:28,875 --> 00:29:32,874
so we've got a still of it so we can
have a look. Are they sandals?
415
00:29:32,875 --> 00:29:36,235
They are. With socks.
With socks. That's right.
416
00:29:38,555 --> 00:29:43,794
There's a motorcycle you've got
called a Confederate Hellcat.
417
00:29:43,795 --> 00:29:49,674
I mean... Phenomenal looking thing.
Have you ridden it? Oh, yeah.
418
00:29:49,675 --> 00:29:53,754
You've got to hold onto
the handlebars for dear life.
419
00:29:53,755 --> 00:29:56,595
Anything worth doing is worth
overdoing.
420
00:29:57,715 --> 00:29:59,434
The Spinal Tap mentality.
421
00:29:59,435 --> 00:30:02,154
And you have a Lotus Seven as well,
don't you? I have a Super Seven.
422
00:30:02,155 --> 00:30:03,514
One of the first things I got.
423
00:30:03,515 --> 00:30:07,674
That I get in every spring
with my son and crank Brian...
424
00:30:07,675 --> 00:30:09,554
has the top speed, does he?
425
00:30:09,555 --> 00:30:12,114
From AC/DC? Brian Johnson? Yeah.
426
00:30:12,115 --> 00:30:17,474
Every spring I get in the car
with my son, bom, dun, un, un...
427
00:30:17,475 --> 00:30:19,634
Dun, un, unt...
428
00:30:19,635 --> 00:30:24,154
So, if you're driving around in that
with AC/DC blaring out,
429
00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:27,515
don't people go, "I'm sure that's
the guy from Aerosmith."
430
00:30:28,595 --> 00:30:31,755
It's like me drumming along
watching Fifth Gear.
431
00:30:33,115 --> 00:30:37,195
Presumably you can't remember what
you were driving in the '80s?
432
00:30:39,555 --> 00:30:44,434
A Porsche. You think? No, I know.
Were you able to drive it ever?
433
00:30:44,435 --> 00:30:47,115
Hell, yeah. I just held one eye.
434
00:30:48,155 --> 00:30:50,634
Because you did
a lot of spells in rehab.
435
00:30:50,635 --> 00:30:55,354
Yeah, when you are in a band
that still working it's
436
00:30:55,355 --> 00:30:58,434
kind of like living on the tail
of a comet and when you
437
00:30:58,435 --> 00:31:03,074
are used to the curtain falling
at Madison Square Garden there is
438
00:31:03,075 --> 00:31:08,234
a certain energy that you don't get
playing ping-pong after the show.
439
00:31:08,235 --> 00:31:10,594
You want to go back with the twins
440
00:31:10,595 --> 00:31:13,594
and drink yourself under the table.
441
00:31:13,595 --> 00:31:16,674
We're not at the watershed yet!
442
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:19,874
With some twins
and play table tennis with them.
443
00:31:19,875 --> 00:31:23,034
And is Aerosmith coming back,
will we be seeing Aerosmith?
444
00:31:23,035 --> 00:31:26,434
We're on tour right now.
We just did Singapore
for the first time
445
00:31:26,435 --> 00:31:30,834
and we are off to Japan, China and
South America so we are out. Really?
446
00:31:30,835 --> 00:31:34,994
Yeah, yeah. Where'd you think I got
the whatwithal to drive that
447
00:31:34,995 --> 00:31:39,674
thing around the track? This is it.
We are coming onto your lap now.
How was it?
448
00:31:39,675 --> 00:31:44,394
You know what, my mum used to say
don't ever be afraid,
449
00:31:44,395 --> 00:31:50,474
she said amateurs built the Ark
and pros built the Titanic.
450
00:31:50,475 --> 00:31:54,874
Meanwhile, I got in this car
and I was scared to death.
451
00:31:54,875 --> 00:31:59,274
I've never been on a racetrack
before ever. Really? Ever. Ever.
452
00:31:59,275 --> 00:32:01,114
And I didn't know where I was going.
453
00:32:01,115 --> 00:32:05,194
The thing is though I was
actually... Had one ear on the track
454
00:32:05,195 --> 00:32:08,514
and I heard a noise
that sounded biblical.
455
00:32:08,515 --> 00:32:13,715
It sounded like you changed first,
second, third, fourth, first.
456
00:32:15,355 --> 00:32:16,714
That's what it was.
457
00:32:16,715 --> 00:32:20,435
And there was a noise of tremendous
strain and breakage. Yeah.
458
00:32:21,595 --> 00:32:25,955
Was it badly damaged?
We had to change cars. You did.
459
00:32:27,475 --> 00:32:30,874
Presumably it's because you are used
to driving on the wrong
side of the road.
460
00:32:30,875 --> 00:32:35,155
The wrong side... First of all,
I'm listening to The Stig talking
to me like this...
461
00:32:37,595 --> 00:32:39,515
I went, "Right on!"
462
00:32:41,155 --> 00:32:44,554
And I got ears in as if I can hear
anyway with the rock'n'roll
463
00:32:44,555 --> 00:32:47,154
all these years and I'm on that side
of the car
464
00:32:47,155 --> 00:32:51,034
and I'm shifting with this hand.
So I had to pull all that together.
465
00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:53,235
Who would like to see Steven's lap?
466
00:32:55,915 --> 00:32:58,754
In the spare car,
let's have a look.
467
00:32:58,755 --> 00:33:03,634
Steven Tyler from Aerosmith
in the Vauxhall.
468
00:33:03,635 --> 00:33:06,194
Come on, Steve McQueen.
469
00:33:06,195 --> 00:33:09,114
Coming to me, baby. Come on.
470
00:33:09,115 --> 00:33:13,315
Looking good there.
Oh, but not fast.
471
00:33:16,515 --> 00:33:19,915
And around the first corner.
No accidents there.
472
00:33:22,075 --> 00:33:25,274
Did it again.
You don't want to miss a thing.
473
00:33:25,275 --> 00:33:27,395
But you missed third.
474
00:33:28,635 --> 00:33:32,355
And you missed the apex.
But here we go. Tragic!
475
00:33:34,275 --> 00:33:36,595
But it sure is fun.
476
00:33:38,435 --> 00:33:41,274
Here we go, hammerhead.
477
00:33:41,275 --> 00:33:45,514
Understeer, oversteer.
Any speed at all? I'm in the lines.
478
00:33:45,515 --> 00:33:48,354
You were between the lines.
That was very tidy.
479
00:33:48,355 --> 00:33:52,714
And you've used nearly all the road
apart from these three metres.
480
00:33:52,715 --> 00:33:56,434
Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
481
00:33:56,435 --> 00:33:58,195
Yeah.
482
00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:05,074
Did you keep your foot hard down
through there? You did. Good man.
483
00:34:05,075 --> 00:34:09,594
And through there? Yeah.
Stig did that earlier and crashed.
484
00:34:09,595 --> 00:34:11,994
Bet he didn't mention that.
485
00:34:11,995 --> 00:34:16,034
Right, another apex not quite here
and what about Gambon?
486
00:34:16,035 --> 00:34:18,274
Oh, yes it's wide
but there we are,
487
00:34:18,275 --> 00:34:20,795
ladies and gentlemen,
across the line.
488
00:34:26,235 --> 00:34:28,515
Well done. Damage report.
489
00:34:30,115 --> 00:34:33,914
Damage report. Damage reports.
490
00:34:33,915 --> 00:34:40,034
Well, in fact we're bookended
by Mike Rutherford out of Genesis,
491
00:34:40,035 --> 00:34:41,994
1.51.5 at the bottom
492
00:34:41,995 --> 00:34:44,674
and then Brian at the top
and other people in the middle.
493
00:34:44,675 --> 00:34:47,075
I've got the time here.
Let's have a look.
494
00:34:52,275 --> 00:34:53,995
It was a one.
495
00:34:57,075 --> 00:35:01,274
Then I'm afraid it was five.
496
00:35:01,275 --> 00:35:02,634
Oooh!
497
00:35:02,635 --> 00:35:04,954
Then there was another one.
498
00:35:04,955 --> 00:35:07,314
But happily for you it was a nought.
499
00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:10,995
So, you are not actually
the slowest we've ever had.
500
00:35:20,195 --> 00:35:24,674
No wonder The Stig kept saying would
you like to go round one more time?
501
00:35:24,675 --> 00:35:30,034
I'm looking for something I can give
you that's a crumb of comfort.
502
00:35:30,035 --> 00:35:34,315
You're not the fastest American
because that would be Ron Howard.
503
00:35:35,835 --> 00:35:41,274
Not the fastest... You're 65 now,
aren't you? Cor blimey.
504
00:35:41,275 --> 00:35:44,234
You're not the fastest pensioner
because that's Brian Johnson,
505
00:35:44,235 --> 00:35:45,674
you're not the fastest...
506
00:35:45,675 --> 00:35:49,754
You're just not very good at driving
a Vauxhall Astra. That's all.
507
00:35:49,755 --> 00:35:52,874
You should have sent Liv.
508
00:35:52,875 --> 00:35:55,794
I should have sent my son, Taj.
Is he good? Oh, he's great.
509
00:35:55,795 --> 00:35:57,555
No, you still should have sent Liv.
510
00:35:59,275 --> 00:36:02,795
Ladies and gentlemen, it's been
a huge pleasure. Steven Tyler.
511
00:36:14,595 --> 00:36:19,114
Now, on this show
we like to test cars for everybody -
512
00:36:19,115 --> 00:36:22,954
rock stars,
billionaires, Arab oil sheiks.
513
00:36:22,955 --> 00:36:26,594
We like to think we're more
inclusive than the BBC
514
00:36:26,595 --> 00:36:28,115
regional news programme.
515
00:36:29,475 --> 00:36:34,194
But there's one group of motorists
that we always ignore. caravannists.
516
00:36:34,195 --> 00:36:38,594
Yes, and because there are
half a million caravans in Britain,
517
00:36:38,595 --> 00:36:41,594
we buy more caravans
than any other European nation,
518
00:36:41,595 --> 00:36:45,354
the producer said that Jeremy
and I should address this issue.
519
00:36:45,355 --> 00:36:48,794
Yes, they told us
to do a proper comparison test
520
00:36:48,795 --> 00:36:53,315
like they do in Which? magazine
and they told us not to muck about.
521
00:36:58,475 --> 00:37:01,554
These are the cars caravannists
like.
522
00:37:01,555 --> 00:37:04,794
Jacked-up diesel hatchbacks
with part-time four-wheel-drive
523
00:37:04,795 --> 00:37:08,035
so we can deal with muddy campsite.
524
00:37:11,315 --> 00:37:13,034
They're all terrible.
525
00:37:13,035 --> 00:37:16,754
I know they're all terrible
but they're very popular.
526
00:37:16,755 --> 00:37:19,674
The Nissan Kumquat is the sixth
bestselling car in Britain.
527
00:37:19,675 --> 00:37:23,834
We have to decide which one of these
is best. You mean the least worst.
528
00:37:23,835 --> 00:37:25,794
All right, the least worst.
529
00:37:25,795 --> 00:37:29,155
Right, you pick a key and we'll
start with that. Here we go.
530
00:37:31,035 --> 00:37:34,234
I think this is how most caravanners
end up with their cars.
531
00:37:34,235 --> 00:37:38,875
They just get the keys from
a bowl at a party. Toyota RAV4.
532
00:37:45,195 --> 00:37:47,714
Here it is,
it has a 2.2 litre engine,
533
00:37:47,715 --> 00:37:53,794
prices start at £22,000. However,
it does sit in a rather high
534
00:37:53,795 --> 00:37:55,434
insurance group and for that reason,
535
00:37:55,435 --> 00:37:58,914
because we have to be ruthless,
we must eliminate it straightaway.
536
00:37:58,915 --> 00:38:02,074
Good work, James.
Crisp delivery, full of facts.
537
00:38:02,075 --> 00:38:07,834
However, this is a Mitsubishi
Outlander. Is it? It's not a RAV4.
538
00:38:07,835 --> 00:38:10,555
They all look exactly the same.
539
00:38:12,395 --> 00:38:15,714
To try and find some differences,
we took them all for a spin
540
00:38:15,715 --> 00:38:19,195
and very soon
we came to a startling conclusion.
541
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:23,554
They're all exactly the same
to drive as well -
542
00:38:23,555 --> 00:38:25,995
they are all very dreary.
543
00:38:27,155 --> 00:38:31,554
Let me explain my problem
with cars of this type.
544
00:38:31,555 --> 00:38:33,834
This is a Honda Civic,
this is a Honda CRV.
545
00:38:33,835 --> 00:38:38,114
They have exactly the same engine,
they seat the same number of
546
00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:42,714
people and they have the same level
of crash protection and safety.
547
00:38:42,715 --> 00:38:46,834
But caravanners choose the CRV,
which is more expensive to buy,
548
00:38:46,835 --> 00:38:50,154
more expensive to run
and nowhere near as nice to drive
549
00:38:50,155 --> 00:38:53,714
because it suits their annual
holiday requirement.
550
00:38:53,715 --> 00:38:56,994
And that's like clomping
around in ski boots all year
551
00:38:56,995 --> 00:38:59,194
because every February you
go to the Alps.
552
00:38:59,195 --> 00:39:02,394
I mean, I like snorkelling
but I don't go shopping
553
00:39:02,395 --> 00:39:06,194
every day in a face mask because it
saves me the bother of...
554
00:39:06,195 --> 00:39:11,074
As Jeremy ranted on, I drew up a big
chart showing all the facts
555
00:39:11,075 --> 00:39:13,554
that caravannists care about.
556
00:39:13,555 --> 00:39:19,154
Insurance, CO2 emissions,
maximum towing weights and so on.
557
00:39:19,155 --> 00:39:22,995
And with this,
we could start to see what's what.
558
00:39:24,475 --> 00:39:28,194
This is the chart our researchers
have drawn up.
559
00:39:28,195 --> 00:39:30,474
And straightaway
we can see there's a problem with
560
00:39:30,475 --> 00:39:35,914
the Peugeot 3008
which is the... blue one.
561
00:39:35,915 --> 00:39:40,154
It's the brown one.
Well, whatever. Look here.
562
00:39:40,155 --> 00:39:43,554
The maximum towing weight
on average is two tonnes,
563
00:39:43,555 --> 00:39:48,274
the Chevrolet two tonnes, the Ford
is 2.1, two tonnes, two tonnes.
564
00:39:48,275 --> 00:39:49,474
But the Peugeot,
565
00:39:49,475 --> 00:39:53,714
because it's a hybrid, it can only
pull half a tonne.
566
00:39:53,715 --> 00:39:55,674
It couldn't even pull me.
567
00:39:55,675 --> 00:39:57,714
It's a good point, it's significant
568
00:39:57,715 --> 00:40:01,794
and the Nissan Kumquat may be
the sixth bestselling car in Britain
569
00:40:01,795 --> 00:40:05,434
but look, 1.4 tonnes
against generally two tonnes.
570
00:40:05,435 --> 00:40:07,194
We'll eliminate both those...
571
00:40:07,195 --> 00:40:09,634
This is very professional work
we're doing here!
572
00:40:09,635 --> 00:40:12,274
And I think we must turn now
to price, because I'm just
573
00:40:12,275 --> 00:40:16,474
looking here at the Chevrolet
Captiva, it's over £28,000.
574
00:40:16,475 --> 00:40:18,354
And look at its insurance group!
575
00:40:18,355 --> 00:40:21,594
Yes, and the road tax because
it's not that good on emissions.
576
00:40:21,595 --> 00:40:24,674
So you'd eliminate the Captiva
for being too expensive?
577
00:40:24,675 --> 00:40:27,274
Yes, and I would like to
draw your attention to this,
578
00:40:27,275 --> 00:40:28,914
the SsangYong Korando.
579
00:40:28,915 --> 00:40:31,874
Under £19,000, can you see
anything wrong with that?
580
00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:33,475
Yes, I'd rather have warts.
581
00:40:35,075 --> 00:40:38,834
'We spent several hours
going through all the numbers
582
00:40:38,835 --> 00:40:41,914
'in a professional,
caravan club-type way,
583
00:40:41,915 --> 00:40:45,874
'until we were left
with just two cars.
584
00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:51,395
'The Mazda CX-5 and the
top-selling Volkswagen Tiguan.
585
00:40:53,035 --> 00:40:56,634
'On paper, both are well priced
and both have low emissions
586
00:40:56,635 --> 00:41:01,954
'and frugal diesel engines,
but which is the least worst?'
587
00:41:01,955 --> 00:41:06,034
To find out, we've devised a
series of caravan-relevant tests,
588
00:41:06,035 --> 00:41:07,234
starting with,
589
00:41:07,235 --> 00:41:10,434
"Which one can do the best J-turn?"
590
00:41:10,435 --> 00:41:12,394
'The Mazda went first.'
591
00:41:12,395 --> 00:41:13,995
OK, here we go.
592
00:41:16,595 --> 00:41:21,074
Ready, brake and spin it
round into first, and away.
593
00:41:21,075 --> 00:41:22,394
Not bad.
594
00:41:22,395 --> 00:41:24,834
Not bad at all.
595
00:41:24,835 --> 00:41:28,354
'But before I tried the VW,
there was a problem.'
596
00:41:28,355 --> 00:41:30,794
What does he want?
597
00:41:30,795 --> 00:41:32,674
James! He says it's not...
598
00:41:32,675 --> 00:41:37,114
What does he want? He says it's
not very relevant to caravanning.
599
00:41:37,115 --> 00:41:39,955
What isn't? J-turns.
600
00:41:41,035 --> 00:41:45,394
Don't caravanners do J-turns?
He says no.
601
00:41:45,395 --> 00:41:49,794
Well, there we are, so that's not
a relevant test, as it turns out.
602
00:41:49,795 --> 00:41:53,074
'To get a better idea of
what tests we should be doing,
603
00:41:53,075 --> 00:41:57,955
'we were told to spend a day with
our cars living like caravannists.'
604
00:41:59,075 --> 00:42:02,554
Er, right, James is
in the wrong car.
605
00:42:02,555 --> 00:42:04,275
Cock!
606
00:42:06,195 --> 00:42:10,994
'First of all, we decided to
go to something called the tip,
607
00:42:10,995 --> 00:42:15,595
'which we'd been told is
something caravannists do a lot.'
608
00:42:17,435 --> 00:42:19,714
There's one there that
you can throw your bra in.
609
00:42:19,715 --> 00:42:23,074
Why would you throw your
bras away? Or your clothes?
610
00:42:23,075 --> 00:42:26,394
Or your mobile phone, why would you
throw your mobile phone away? Look!
611
00:42:26,395 --> 00:42:29,154
Washing machines! "What shall
we throw away today, darling?"
612
00:42:29,155 --> 00:42:31,874
"The spin dryer, shall we throw
that away? "What's for supper?"
613
00:42:31,875 --> 00:42:34,554
"I've thrown the cooker away."
Cos that's what they've done.
614
00:42:34,555 --> 00:42:36,675
They've just come and
thrown their cookers away.
615
00:42:38,755 --> 00:42:39,995
It's brand new!
616
00:42:42,555 --> 00:42:47,474
That man just pulled up in his
Mercedes and threw this away.
617
00:42:47,475 --> 00:42:52,994
It's dirty but it even...
Look, barcode!
618
00:42:52,995 --> 00:42:58,235
He's just bought this from a shop,
come down here and thrown it away.
619
00:42:59,315 --> 00:43:01,634
She's got something else.
Is it massive?
620
00:43:01,635 --> 00:43:02,874
It's the wardrobe door.
621
00:43:02,875 --> 00:43:05,714
She's just taken the door off
the wardrobe and thrown it away.
622
00:43:05,715 --> 00:43:07,874
'Before leaving this strange place
623
00:43:07,875 --> 00:43:10,434
'we did something else
caravanners enjoy.
624
00:43:10,435 --> 00:43:12,155
'We washed our cars.'
625
00:43:16,675 --> 00:43:20,035
'And then we went to
caravannist heaven.'
626
00:43:23,075 --> 00:43:25,555
Is this any good?
Well, there's some chain.
627
00:43:33,195 --> 00:43:35,354
Plastic sheeting.
628
00:43:35,355 --> 00:43:37,914
"Suitable for domestic use."
We need a bit more heavy duty.
629
00:43:37,915 --> 00:43:39,674
Wait a minute.
630
00:43:39,675 --> 00:43:42,074
'Soon our trolley was
full of many things
631
00:43:42,075 --> 00:43:44,754
'we thought caravanners might buy.'
632
00:43:44,755 --> 00:43:46,674
Quick lines, shovels...
633
00:43:46,675 --> 00:43:48,754
Zinc tub, axes...
634
00:43:48,755 --> 00:43:51,675
Duct tape, saws, rope.
635
00:43:53,115 --> 00:43:56,594
'We then took all our
new stuff to the tip
636
00:43:56,595 --> 00:43:58,195
'and threw it away.'
637
00:44:01,595 --> 00:44:03,275
'Having washed our cars again...'
638
00:44:07,315 --> 00:44:11,114
'..we set off for the
garden centre, and on the way,
639
00:44:11,115 --> 00:44:15,194
'I tried to solve a knotty problem.'
640
00:44:15,195 --> 00:44:21,034
Last year, in Britain, 10,500
people bought a Volkswagen Tiguan.
641
00:44:21,035 --> 00:44:24,394
3,000 bought a Mazda CX-5.
642
00:44:24,395 --> 00:44:27,034
Even though the Mazda is
less expensive to buy,
643
00:44:27,035 --> 00:44:29,994
it uses less fuel,
it's cheaper to insure,
644
00:44:29,995 --> 00:44:34,234
it's kinder to Johnny Polar Bear,
so the road tax is cheaper.
645
00:44:34,235 --> 00:44:35,754
So why? What's wrong with it?
646
00:44:35,755 --> 00:44:39,075
What is it that puts a
caravanner off this car?
647
00:44:40,355 --> 00:44:44,515
'At the garden centre,
I thought I'd found the answer.'
648
00:44:46,555 --> 00:44:48,115
What was that?!
649
00:44:50,315 --> 00:44:51,435
What did I just hit?
650
00:44:53,435 --> 00:44:55,755
It's got automatic brakes!
651
00:44:58,035 --> 00:45:00,234
It stopped without me asking it to,
652
00:45:00,235 --> 00:45:02,954
cos it thought I was
going to hit the hedge.
653
00:45:02,955 --> 00:45:04,794
Get in.
654
00:45:04,795 --> 00:45:06,834
Right. Try and run me down.
655
00:45:06,835 --> 00:45:09,355
Oh, all right.
656
00:45:12,035 --> 00:45:16,275
Now, if this doesn't work, you all
heard him say, "Try to run me down."
657
00:45:17,915 --> 00:45:19,035
Urgh!
658
00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:25,635
'In order to be even more thorough,
I decided to test it on James' car.'
659
00:45:26,675 --> 00:45:28,155
Here we go, ready.
660
00:45:33,195 --> 00:45:34,315
'You fooled it.'
661
00:45:36,235 --> 00:45:37,634
'A bit baffled,
662
00:45:37,635 --> 00:45:42,075
'we went back to the job of getting
into a caravanning state of mind.'
663
00:45:46,075 --> 00:45:48,915
Pansies, there we go!
Are those petunias?
664
00:46:06,155 --> 00:46:08,874
Look at that.
That is a duck. That is a duck.
665
00:46:08,875 --> 00:46:10,635
Put it in the book.
666
00:46:16,995 --> 00:46:20,194
'Things were going well,
but as night fell,
667
00:46:20,195 --> 00:46:24,994
'I realised the earlier crash
had broken my Mazda's intercooler.'
668
00:46:24,995 --> 00:46:28,074
Engine inspection required,
there's an engine warning light,
669
00:46:28,075 --> 00:46:29,514
every warning light there is.
670
00:46:29,515 --> 00:46:32,034
Right, this is not going
much further, so I'm going to
671
00:46:32,035 --> 00:46:36,195
shove it in that car park over there
and we'll just wait for a tow truck.
672
00:46:38,275 --> 00:46:40,874
'Weirdly, this remote
woodland car park
673
00:46:40,875 --> 00:46:43,755
'was full of other cars
just like mine.'
674
00:46:46,195 --> 00:46:47,994
Look at this.
675
00:46:47,995 --> 00:46:50,234
This is really clever.
676
00:46:50,235 --> 00:46:54,234
You can have one
interior light on, or two, or...
677
00:46:54,235 --> 00:46:55,554
all four.
678
00:46:55,555 --> 00:46:58,954
Dim, bright, dim, bright.
679
00:46:58,955 --> 00:47:01,275
Dim, bright.
680
00:47:09,355 --> 00:47:11,315
This is so dirty.
681
00:47:14,955 --> 00:47:17,195
That's got it. There you go.
682
00:47:19,595 --> 00:47:22,354
Is that Stan Collymore over there?
683
00:47:22,355 --> 00:47:24,475
Flash your lights.
684
00:47:27,075 --> 00:47:28,754
Yeah.
685
00:47:28,755 --> 00:47:31,355
No! No, it's Phil Mitchell.
686
00:47:32,635 --> 00:47:35,715
'We were waiting in the
car park for quite some time.
687
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:40,875
'And the following morning,
the memories were still with us.'
688
00:47:45,835 --> 00:47:48,434
'But having spent
the day as caravanners,
689
00:47:48,435 --> 00:47:52,195
'we did at least know how we
SHOULD be testing our cars.'
690
00:47:53,475 --> 00:47:55,634
'So, we put the Stig into the VW,
691
00:47:55,635 --> 00:47:57,554
'hitched it up to a caravan
692
00:47:57,555 --> 00:47:59,914
'and asked him to set a lap time.'
693
00:47:59,915 --> 00:48:02,435
Three, two, one, go!
694
00:48:06,955 --> 00:48:09,475
What just fell over in there?
Scrabble.
695
00:48:11,955 --> 00:48:13,154
We should explain,
696
00:48:13,155 --> 00:48:16,634
the Volkswagen has a part-time
four-wheel drive system
697
00:48:16,635 --> 00:48:20,955
which will cut in should sensors
detect he's about to lose control.
698
00:48:22,835 --> 00:48:24,034
He probably is there.
699
00:48:24,035 --> 00:48:27,074
Now there can be feeding power to
the back end as well. He's through.
700
00:48:27,075 --> 00:48:29,594
He's through, he's looking
good there, looking good.
701
00:48:29,595 --> 00:48:31,875
Coming up to Chicago.
702
00:48:34,035 --> 00:48:35,674
Bit wobbly! He's very wobbly there!
703
00:48:35,675 --> 00:48:37,434
Look at that, he's
completely sideways.
704
00:48:37,435 --> 00:48:39,314
He's gathered it up
with an armful of oppo,
705
00:48:39,315 --> 00:48:41,155
which is what you
should do if that happens.
706
00:48:43,235 --> 00:48:45,275
That's a five-wheel drift!
707
00:48:49,515 --> 00:48:55,554
Top speed of the Tiguan with the
caravan attached is just 70mph.
708
00:48:55,555 --> 00:48:58,634
Whoa! But look at that.
709
00:48:58,635 --> 00:49:00,994
This, I think, is an
object lesson for caravanners.
710
00:49:00,995 --> 00:49:03,834
There's no need to dawdle,
you really can get your foot down.
711
00:49:03,835 --> 00:49:07,435
The wheel! No! It's come off!
712
00:49:10,435 --> 00:49:13,675
He's still going. I know he is!
We should move back.
713
00:49:15,835 --> 00:49:19,675
He's coming in a shower of sparks
towards the line.
714
00:49:22,155 --> 00:49:24,274
And across the line!
715
00:49:24,275 --> 00:49:28,995
Two minutes, 15.82. So there we are.
716
00:49:30,195 --> 00:49:32,235
'Next, it was the
turn of the Mazda.'
717
00:49:33,355 --> 00:49:35,874
Three, two, one...
718
00:49:35,875 --> 00:49:38,155
Oh-h-h-h!
719
00:49:41,195 --> 00:49:44,194
Right, now, we should bear in mind
720
00:49:44,195 --> 00:49:47,914
the Mazda has ten more
horse powers than the Volkswagen.
721
00:49:47,915 --> 00:49:50,315
It has 30 or 40 more torques.
722
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:56,594
'In theory, then,
it should be faster.
723
00:49:56,595 --> 00:49:58,074
'However...'
724
00:49:58,075 --> 00:50:01,795
Smoke coming off the brakes.
Smoke pouring off the brakes! Whoa!
725
00:50:08,995 --> 00:50:11,914
'Having declared the Tiguan
the victor by default,
726
00:50:11,915 --> 00:50:13,794
we took the Stig to the tip
727
00:50:13,795 --> 00:50:15,915
and threw him away.
728
00:50:18,475 --> 00:50:21,474
'Then, as we were leaving,
the producers ambushed us
729
00:50:21,475 --> 00:50:22,835
'with a challenge.'
730
00:50:25,035 --> 00:50:26,994
"You are stupid idiots."
731
00:50:26,995 --> 00:50:29,514
Er, hello! Ooh!
732
00:50:29,515 --> 00:50:32,954
"J-turns and high-speed laps
with the Stig are not relevant.
733
00:50:32,955 --> 00:50:35,834
"In order to determine which
of your cars is actually best,
734
00:50:35,835 --> 00:50:39,914
"YOU will now do some caravanning."
735
00:50:39,915 --> 00:50:42,154
Really?
I knew it would come to this. Go on.
736
00:50:42,155 --> 00:50:46,234
"We have booked one luxury space
at an exclusive caravan site
737
00:50:46,235 --> 00:50:48,634
"in the prestigious New Forest.
738
00:50:48,635 --> 00:50:51,755
"The one who arrives last
sleeps the night."
739
00:50:54,875 --> 00:50:58,794
'The start point was
several miles away from the site.
740
00:50:58,795 --> 00:51:02,954
'So, while James applied some
comedy stickers to his Hurricane XL
741
00:51:02,955 --> 00:51:07,395
'and my Hurricane GTX,
I studied the map.'
742
00:51:08,635 --> 00:51:10,634
So, there's the caravan site.
743
00:51:10,635 --> 00:51:13,554
Now, I could drive to it
on the roads,
744
00:51:13,555 --> 00:51:16,554
but that would be anti-social,
I would hold people up,
745
00:51:16,555 --> 00:51:19,954
people who are going about
their lawful business.
746
00:51:19,955 --> 00:51:23,755
Er, so why don't I just drive
cross-country? I mean, it's...
747
00:51:25,315 --> 00:51:27,835
It's not exactly
the Himalayas, is it?
748
00:51:29,195 --> 00:51:30,955
'With our vans loaded...
749
00:51:32,155 --> 00:51:33,675
'we were ready to go.'
750
00:51:41,395 --> 00:51:42,435
Hey!
751
00:51:43,675 --> 00:51:44,954
No, no, no, no.
752
00:51:44,955 --> 00:51:49,234
Ah-ha-ha! Yes, the mighty...!
753
00:51:49,235 --> 00:51:52,595
No! No, no, how's he done that?!
754
00:51:54,075 --> 00:51:56,874
'Annoyingly, James had
not only taken the lead
755
00:51:56,875 --> 00:52:00,755
'but he'd also had the same
idea as me about going off-road.'
756
00:52:01,755 --> 00:52:03,915
That's tracking straight and true.
757
00:52:06,275 --> 00:52:08,874
No way Jeremy can get past here.
758
00:52:08,875 --> 00:52:11,354
Trying for an overtake.
759
00:52:11,355 --> 00:52:12,515
Not happening.
760
00:52:17,475 --> 00:52:19,035
Come on, May!
761
00:52:20,515 --> 00:52:23,554
'Soon, we had different
ideas about which way to go.'
762
00:52:23,555 --> 00:52:24,835
Urgh!
763
00:52:26,995 --> 00:52:29,395
It's a bit choppy
but I think it's shorter.
764
00:52:30,515 --> 00:52:32,754
'And with Mr Slowly out of the way,
765
00:52:32,755 --> 00:52:36,035
'I could unleash the
more powerful Mazda.'
766
00:52:37,355 --> 00:52:38,635
Come on!
767
00:52:40,555 --> 00:52:43,235
Ye-e-e-es!
768
00:52:47,675 --> 00:52:48,835
Agh!
769
00:52:51,515 --> 00:52:52,835
Up we go.
770
00:52:56,555 --> 00:53:01,675
It's amazing the ease with which the
CX-5 is pulling the Hurricane GTX.
771
00:53:04,395 --> 00:53:07,675
This is what this car
was designed to do.
772
00:53:09,995 --> 00:53:13,314
Get you the best
plot on the campsite.
773
00:53:13,315 --> 00:53:15,675
Oh, no! No!
774
00:53:17,275 --> 00:53:20,835
'Meanwhile, my shortcut
had got a bit boggy.'
775
00:53:25,955 --> 00:53:27,674
So nearly out.
776
00:53:27,675 --> 00:53:31,195
If I could just get it to climb up
onto that other ratty bit...
777
00:53:33,955 --> 00:53:36,794
That's coming, here we go.
778
00:53:36,795 --> 00:53:39,354
Yes! Ha-ha!
779
00:53:39,355 --> 00:53:42,555
If you've got one of these,
you can do that!
780
00:53:44,315 --> 00:53:48,434
'I, meanwhile, had found a track
where I could go even faster.'
781
00:53:48,435 --> 00:53:52,314
Yeah, that is very quick now.
It's good, looking good.
782
00:53:52,315 --> 00:53:53,435
'However...'
783
00:54:01,155 --> 00:54:02,834
Oh, look at this.
784
00:54:02,835 --> 00:54:06,434
The sheer torque of the
2.2 litre turbo-diesel engine
785
00:54:06,435 --> 00:54:08,755
has ripped the front
from the Hurricane.
786
00:54:12,595 --> 00:54:18,394
'And I couldn't back off because
suddenly James was right behind me.'
787
00:54:18,395 --> 00:54:20,195
Hee-hee!
788
00:54:21,315 --> 00:54:24,194
Coming up on me, he's gaining!
789
00:54:24,195 --> 00:54:25,635
'And then...'
790
00:54:27,235 --> 00:54:30,235
Oh, dear, oh, dear. Oh, no.
791
00:54:35,755 --> 00:54:39,914
This is disastrous, I'm actually
driving through Jeremy's caravan!
792
00:54:39,915 --> 00:54:44,234
James, are things as bad back
there as I suspect they are?
793
00:54:44,235 --> 00:54:47,074
Well, let me put it this way,
I've run over your left hand wall.
794
00:54:47,075 --> 00:54:49,355
Oh, and your portable lavatory!
795
00:54:53,915 --> 00:54:56,674
'Then, things got even worse.'
796
00:54:56,675 --> 00:54:58,355
Now we're on somebody's lawn!
797
00:55:00,115 --> 00:55:04,475
Come on, come on,
mighty 2.2 litre diesel!
798
00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,355
Oh, no!
799
00:55:11,435 --> 00:55:14,515
A very big catastrophe
has befallen me!
800
00:55:16,915 --> 00:55:19,234
I could actually overtake now
but this is too amusing.
801
00:55:19,235 --> 00:55:21,395
I've got to...!
802
00:55:27,195 --> 00:55:29,634
'Sadly, I was laughing so much,
803
00:55:29,635 --> 00:55:32,314
'I crashed...into myself.'
804
00:55:32,315 --> 00:55:33,875
I've spun!
805
00:55:36,195 --> 00:55:39,194
'This, combined with
Jeremy's drastic weight loss,
806
00:55:39,195 --> 00:55:41,755
'meant he could scamper away.'
807
00:55:48,035 --> 00:55:52,515
60mph, this is
caravanning at its best.
808
00:55:54,555 --> 00:55:59,394
'And by my reckoning, the site was
now just a couple of miles away.'
809
00:55:59,395 --> 00:56:05,155
Victory now is mine, I will not be
sleeping in what remains of the van.
810
00:56:08,395 --> 00:56:10,795
Whoa, it's a biggie!
811
00:56:13,795 --> 00:56:16,475
'Worried that I might be
sleeping in my van...
812
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:21,115
'I kept my foot hard down.'
813
00:56:24,195 --> 00:56:26,315
Hurricane XL holding up well.
814
00:56:32,755 --> 00:56:33,915
Ooh, bloody hell!
815
00:56:35,595 --> 00:56:38,955
Ha-ha! The XL refuses to die!
816
00:56:43,435 --> 00:56:45,754
'I, meanwhile, had
arrived at the site
817
00:56:45,755 --> 00:56:49,235
'and was looking for the
prestigious Plot 200.'
818
00:56:50,835 --> 00:56:52,675
Where's Plot 200, Plot 200?
819
00:56:57,595 --> 00:57:01,555
Yes, in here, by this stagnant pond.
820
00:57:05,355 --> 00:57:09,314
202...201...
821
00:57:09,315 --> 00:57:12,834
Plot 200 is vacant,
822
00:57:12,835 --> 00:57:17,315
which means
I don't have to stay in it. Yes!
823
00:57:22,035 --> 00:57:23,114
So, there we are.
824
00:57:23,115 --> 00:57:26,834
After the most exhaustive
caravan test in all of history,
825
00:57:26,835 --> 00:57:31,354
we have established that
10,500 people are just plain wrong.
826
00:57:31,355 --> 00:57:35,195
The Volkswagen Tiguan
is NOT the best tow car.
827
00:57:36,795 --> 00:57:38,035
Oh, is that James?
828
00:57:48,275 --> 00:57:50,714
No way!
829
00:57:50,715 --> 00:57:54,275
Plot 200, James, it's all yours!
830
00:57:57,395 --> 00:58:00,674
Where's the...?! I claim the
moral victory. Why a moral victory?
831
00:58:00,675 --> 00:58:02,954
I've still got a caravan.
Well, not really!
832
00:58:02,955 --> 00:58:06,554
You haven't got a wheel, where's
the wheel gone? Well, what's that?!
833
00:58:06,555 --> 00:58:10,595
Anybody like a cup of tea?
Yes? Jolly good.
834
00:58:19,915 --> 00:58:22,595
Excellent. Really thorough.
835
00:58:23,995 --> 00:58:26,794
A proper grown-up test.
836
00:58:26,795 --> 00:58:28,754
Guys, I must say,
837
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:32,234
it was great to see you two
actually being sensible for once.
838
00:58:32,235 --> 00:58:35,314
But, if I might have a word,
your conclusion,
839
00:58:35,315 --> 00:58:37,674
you said the Mazda was best.
840
00:58:37,675 --> 00:58:41,314
But, let's be honest, a 3mph
impact destroyed its intercooler.
841
00:58:41,315 --> 00:58:43,474
That is true. That did happen, yes.
842
00:58:43,475 --> 00:58:45,474
And in fairness, it was so powerful
843
00:58:45,475 --> 00:58:49,434
it actually tore a caravan
to pieces. It did, it did.
844
00:58:49,435 --> 00:58:52,754
And so, on that basis,
I would have the VW Tiguan.
845
00:58:52,755 --> 00:58:55,074
Well, no, you see,
the thing is, I wouldn't,
846
00:58:55,075 --> 00:59:00,074
because a Volkswagen Golf is
£4,000 less expensive than a Tiguan,
847
00:59:00,075 --> 00:59:01,474
so I'd buy one of those.
848
00:59:01,475 --> 00:59:05,755
Then I'd take the £4,000 that I'd
saved to the tip and throw it away.
849
00:59:07,075 --> 00:59:10,194
No, what I'd do, actually,
I'd spend the £4,000
850
00:59:10,195 --> 00:59:14,795
on a fortnight's holiday in
the south of France in a HOTEL.
851
00:59:15,795 --> 00:59:18,594
Have we just done some
actual consumer advice there?
852
00:59:18,595 --> 00:59:20,234
Yes, I think we have. Yeah, we have.
853
00:59:20,235 --> 00:59:23,314
We have also managed to
go through a whole show
854
00:59:23,315 --> 00:59:25,794
without mentioning the Royal baby!
855
00:59:25,795 --> 00:59:27,435
Yes, we have.
856
00:59:34,075 --> 00:59:39,474
So, on those two bombshells,
it is time to end.
857
00:59:39,475 --> 00:59:42,875
Thank you very much for coming.
Thank you for watching, good night!
858
00:59:42,900 --> 01:00:11,691
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