1
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Previously on In Treatment.

2
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I got a choice.

3
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Either I accept your superiority,
as if you're some kind of god,

4
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or I use my intelligence
and do a little investigating.

5
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Yeah, you'd be real surprised

6
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,318
the kind of information you find out
from a few phone calls.

7
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I found a hell of a god.

8
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A god whose wife is sleeping around
behind his back,

9
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whose daughter is fucking junkies,

10
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and then Laura comes along and you...
you fall in love with that crazy slut.

11
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Don't you fucking talk about my patients,
you fuck!

12
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Oh.

13
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- Hi.
- Hi.

14
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Gosh, you never get the mail.

15
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Yet today, 30 seconds after it arrives,

16
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you're sprinting down to the kerb.

17
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What on earth could you be expecting?

18
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A love letter maybe?

19
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- I saw her, Paul.
- Who?

20
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,911
Who?

21
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Laura. I saw her.

22
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Wh... what do you mean, you saw her?

23
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I was taking out the trash
and I saw her leaving.

24
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I thought you said she quit therapy.

25
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- She did quit.
- Then what the hell was she doing here?

26
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Her father's in the hospital

27
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and, um, she called me and asked me
if she could come in.

28
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What should I have said, Kate?

29
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"I'm sorry about this crisis with your father,
but I've told my wife that you've quit therapy."

30
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No, you should have
told me that she came back.

31
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It wasn't a social call.

32
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And if you wanted to find out what was
going on, all you had to do was ask me, Kate.

33
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Don't you dare turn this around on me.

34
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What, you think... you think you deserve her,
you've earned her?

35
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Because of what I did to you?
For Christ's sake.

36
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(Laughs)

37
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Well, lucky you.
Saved by the bell yet again.

38
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I'm glad you came back.

39
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I went against all my instincts.

40
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Come on in.

41
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- So what were your instincts?
- You want the truth?

42
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First was to come back here
and beat the shit out of you.

43
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And the second one?

44
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Well, the second one was an instinct
that I learned in the, uh...

45
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in the navy.

46
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It's a survival tactic we teach.

47
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Think like the enemy.

48
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I've been trying to understand

49
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- why you're all so afraid of me.
- Hm.

50
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When you say "all",
who would you be referring to?

51
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You and the rest of the world.

52
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Listen. I realise I threaten you...

53
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and that's where your aggression comes from.

54
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,630
So in what way do...
you threaten us, do you think?

55
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You consider me a murderer.

56
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The last couple of weeks

57
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I've been trying to figure out -

58
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when people look in my eyes...

59
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Iook at my hands,
can they - can they tell

60
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that I've killed 42 people
in the past 20 years?

61
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That's 42 human beings.

62
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You can't hide something like that, right?

63
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There's something about me -
they've got to see that.

64
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And it scares them.

65
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,235
So do you think that
there is something about you,

66
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something obvious that people see?

67
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(Scoffs)

68
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You probably wanted to strangle me
the first time I walked through that door.

69
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In the last session, you finally
got a chance to show your hatred

70
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for people like me.

71
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I think maybe that's how
you see yourself, Alex.

72
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Maybe that's why you pushed me
to such a violent place.

73
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So that I'd treat you the way that
you think you should be treated.

74
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Let me remind you, you attacked me.

75
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Mm.

76
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So what did you feel
when I attacked you?

77
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What did I feel?

78
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A slight tremor in the wing.

79
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- That's it.
- So, no big deal.

80
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No big deal.

81
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But, Alex, I pushed you against the bookcase.
I threw coffee in your face.

82
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I'm just curious.

83
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What happened in your body?
What was going through your head?

84
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Hold on a second. I just realised something.
You... you haven't apologised yet.

85
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OK, you're supposed to say,

86
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"I apologise. I'm sorry.
It'll never happen again."

87
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I've been here five minutes so far
and I got nothing from you.

88
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You're right.

89
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You're absolutely right.

90
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I apologise.

91
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It should not have happened.

92
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But I felt...

93
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very offended by what you said.

94
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Offended?

95
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No, no, no.
That's not part of the deal.

96
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,314
No, I can say whatever
the hell I want in here.

97
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,157
That's the point of going to a shrink.

98
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You want me to censor every sentence
or keep wondering if I might hurt you?

99
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Well, it's still like a relationship, Alex.

100
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There are... There are boundaries.

101
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I felt that you were out to hurt me.

102
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And I... was...

103
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very hurt.

104
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What offended you so much?

105
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I mean, it was all true, wasn't it?

106
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,628
Well, you invaded my privacy.

107
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You talked about the people I love,
and you spoke about them with contempt

108
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,750
and with what I felt was...

109
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deliberate cruelty.

110
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OK.

111
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So I guess my therapy is over...

112
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now, right?

113
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That's not what I said, Alex.

114
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No, but it's what you think.

115
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You're tired of taking the shit I give you
all the time and, actually, I don't blame you.

116
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If I were you, I'd have gotten
rid of me a long time ago.

117
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Is that why you say those things?

118
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In the hopes that I would, what,
run away, kick you out?

119
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It's not gonna happen, Alex.

120
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(Laughs)

121
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You know, you guys really do live in a bubble.

122
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You live in this world, you don't...
It's all theories, you don't engage...

123
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What?

124
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(Sighs)

125
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Finish that thought.
What were you going to say?

126
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,517
No, I just remembered
this dream I had. Um...

127
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I was on the ground,
and I was driving this little car

128
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on the Iraqi international airport highway.

129
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They call it the highway to hell.

130
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And all of a sudden
I'm in Baghdad in this traffic jam

131
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and above my head I see this enemy plane,
it's a Czech MiG... uh...

132
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I'm not sure what it is exactly,
but this MiG is being followed

133
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by one of our jets, an F-16.

134
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Everyone's looking up, watching.

135
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And I say to myself,

136
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"Why isn't he shooting?

137
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"Why doesn't he blow him out of the sky?"

138
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Maybe he's afraid the debris
will fall on the people below,

139
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but I know in the dream the orders
are to take that fucker down.

140
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They're flying real close and manoeuvring,

141
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and our guy doesn't launch.

142
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And the enemy plane is getting away.

143
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It's driving me crazy.
Shit, he's on his way to our base camp.

144
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All the people on the ground,

145
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they're waiting for him to take the MiG down,
and they're bloodthirsty.

146
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And it doesn't happen.

147
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They just fly away.

148
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And that's it.

149
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,199
(Laughs) So, do you think you would have
done better if you had been up there?

150
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,639
Shit.

151
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,958
Any pilot worth his salt would have
blown that asshole to kingdom come.

152
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,195
And who is the pilot?

153
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,674
Maybe it's me. I don't know.

154
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,870
You're the one who can't shoot?

155
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,512
Why not?

156
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,352
I don't know.

157
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Maybe because the other guy,
the other pilot,

158
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is not that dangerous, I knew that.

159
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,072
He's only...

160
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,235
What?

161
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He's only what?

162
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Who's sitting in the plane?

163
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Who's in the enemy plane
you refuse to shoot down?

164
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,590
I don't know.
I don't know who's there.

165
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,359
- No, who is the enemy, Alex?
- Hey, stop, man.

166
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,630
Jeez, when you want to pressure,
you pressure.

167
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,751
I don't know.

168
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:15,793
Who's my enemy? You?

169
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,798
- Is that how it feels?
- No, it's not you cos you're not there.

170
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,148
No.

171
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,873
Maybe it's my father.

172
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,999
What?

173
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,759
What, you know the answer,
but you don't wanna...

174
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,712
- You want me to come up with it.
- No, it's just a dream.

175
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,833
I'm just... I'm just helping you
to... to look at it, that's all.

176
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,838
Well, then, you must have some chart
or something around here

177
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,633
telling you what every part of a dream
represents in reality.

178
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,353
No, not really.
Sometimes a number of images can...

179
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,038
can represent the same thing.

180
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,038
So it's me?
That's what you're saying, right?

181
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,674
That I was the enemy pilot?

182
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,119
I'm my own enemy?

183
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,754
It's not clear, actually,
that he's even an enemy.

184
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,394
It's not that he doesn't have identification
marks on the plane.

185
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,830
I'm just not familiar with it.
I don't know for sure...

186
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,434
But he is... He is trying to get away from you.

187
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:19,070
What do you think of this guy,
this pilot, this fleeing pilot?

188
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,712
I think he's a fucking coward.

189
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,718
- Oh, yeah. What else?
- He's not a man.

190
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:24,954
He's running like a pussy

191
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,037
instead of turning around,
standing his ground and fighting.

192
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,832
I'm dying to come up to that pitiful fucker

193
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,475
and shove an air-to-air missile
up his rear burner.

194
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,470
What are you thinking?

195
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,157
Say it.

196
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,359
You think I'm a faggot?

197
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,396
Huh.

198
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,352
That would go right along
with all my father's theories.

199
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,516
Only girls and fags see a shrink.

200
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,994
So, what if I'm a fag?

201
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,713
You know, you said it very clearly before.

202
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,399
- Did I?
- Well, maybe you didn't say it,

203
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,477
- but you've been leading me there.
- I have?

204
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,239
Yeah, you're dying to say
it's a homosexual dream.

205
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,793
I'm tailing him.

206
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,990
Uh, I see a fire come out of his back burner.

207
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,235
I wanna shove my...

208
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,871
It all fits, doesn't it?

209
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,475
Even Daniel never suspected it...

210
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,435
- Well, that could explain a lot of things.
- What things?

211
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,436
Laura, for instance.

212
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,119
That lousy fuck we had the first time.

213
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,878
And Michaela.

214
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,317
The fact that I'm suddenly
not attracted to her any more.

215
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,070
We saw each other this week at a restaurant,
she wants me to come home and...

216
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:23,477
thought it'd be better
if we talked to each other In person.

217
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,318
She was... she was driving hard, man.

218
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,954
Just on a mission, just on attack.

219
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,070
She wanted to start
by getting a room ASAP.

220
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,908
There's a hotel above the restaurant
and I said I couldn't. I couldn't.

221
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,311
I told her I had somewhere to be,

222
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,193
and we would do it another time.

223
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,198
I really did have
something else to do that night.

224
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,959
I was supposed to go
with Daniel and his...

225
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,718
his partner Sean to a party.

226
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,315
This amazing woman wants to fuck
the shit out of me in a five-star hotel

227
00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:00,273
and instead I'm going to Georgetown with
these two fags, do you understand that?

228
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:06,308
And... and why do you think
you'd rather spend time with, uh... with them?

229
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,794
(Sighs) Everything's a joke with them.

230
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,958
I mean, I don't know if you're familiar
with their world but their humour...

231
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,913
is in seeing everything from the outside,
like they're not a part of it, like...

232
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,439
- like they're above it.
- Hm.

233
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,040
And by "they",
you mean homosexuals?

234
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,629
Yeah, especially Sean's crowd.
I mean, he's genuinely queer.

235
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:32,954
You know, he's not the kind
that's in conflict with himself. This...

236
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,468
Sean is immune to tension.

237
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,796
He's happy.
He's happy all the time and...

238
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,478
He just has no subconscious.

239
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,512
Everything is, pow, right out in the open.

240
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,552
Is that something that...

241
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,160
Is that something that you envy?

242
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,355
Well, they don't pressure me.

243
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,599
They give you shit to provoke you,
and they love that shit, but...

244
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,029
You know, Sean asked me,

245
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,356
"Why do you always desperately...

246
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,868
"try to please everybody all the time?

247
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,356
"God and country, everybody."

248
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,631
But it's bullshit. They don't care.
They really don't care.

249
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:21,958
They don't demand of me
to be anything...

250
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,558
extra.

251
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,639
That night we got home about four am,
and, uh, Daniel went to the bedroom,

252
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,671
and Sean and I stayed in the living room.

253
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,518
He got a DVD,
some gay porn thing and...

254
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,155
Look, I don't know if
he was trying to provoke me or what.

255
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,758
And...

256
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,314
He even suggested afterwards
I'd be ready for bed.

257
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,033
He said it jokingly,
but he wasn't playing.

258
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,558
He told me once,

259
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,318
"I didn't know the meaning of life

260
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,318
"until I got fucked in the ass."

261
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,393
(Sighs)

262
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,878
I once read that, psychologically,
water symbolises emotions.

263
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:42,109
I wonder what your collection
of boats says about you.

264
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,993
I don't know.
Maybe that I'm an emotional wreck.

265
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,433
Maybe you want to go out to sea,

266
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,277
but you don't.

267
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:57,319
Ah. You mean that I want to express
my feelings, but I can't.

268
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,196
You know, my father's a lifetime Democrat,

269
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,798
war protester.

270
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,199
And I knew that if I joined the navy,

271
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,832
it would piss him off.

272
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,269
So fuck it, I went to ROTC in high school,

273
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,197
and then I got my wings.

274
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,312
He couldn't tell me shit.

275
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,679
Hm.

276
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,951
I remember the first time
you were here, you said that...

277
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,676
that you didn't choose to be a pilot,
that life chose it for you.

278
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,915
- Yeah.
- But I don't know about that.

279
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,633
I think maybe you did choose that path,

280
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,955
and that you did it to defy your father.

281
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,510
He wanted me to be hard.
There's nothing harder than a TOPGUN grad.

282
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,994
Yeah, but that's still a reaction to him.

283
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,031
It's not your desire.

284
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,833
I don't think you're in touch
with what you really want.

285
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,110
What I really want?
What are you saying?

286
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,391
What I really wanted was
to be something else?

287
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,634
Gay?

288
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,508
Have you ever been attracted to men, Alex?

289
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,118
No.

290
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,355
Ever had a sexual fantasy about a man?

291
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,551
I have never... No.

292
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,033
No.

293
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,719
So when you say the word gay,
what do you mean by that?

294
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,752
I don't know. Don't take me there, man.

295
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,277
This, saying what you think
all the time, that's gay.

296
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,311
Those guys, they... they have no filters.

297
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,634
What else?

298
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,509
Talking about your feelings all the time.

299
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,109
So what you do here, for example, the way
you interact with me, your father said...

300
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:35,551
he said that anybody
who goes to a shrink is a... is a... is a fag?

301
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,388
How did you get on with your dad
when you were a kid?

302
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,589
(Scoffs)

303
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,749
(Laughs)

304
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,149
Um...

305
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,238
I remember as a kid
my father taking me to a church.

306
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,078
This was the Riverside Church up in Harlem.

307
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,351
And back in those days,
I lived kind of a double life.

308
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:05,030
During the week, I went to this
all-boys private school. It was elite.

309
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,390
- The finest teachers, it was...
- The best, right?

310
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,757
Right. It was also
a totally sheltered environment.

311
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:17,555
So on the weekend, my dad would take me
to all these real rough ghetto areas,

312
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,194
to places where he volunteered
his time and money.

313
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,515
He wanted to make sure
that I knew how lucky I was

314
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,915
to live my little soft, cushy life.

315
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,758
I dreaded those fucking weekends,
hated them.

316
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,870
It's like he was always trying to test me.

317
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:34,198
Anyway, the Riverside Church had this
athletic programme that my dad supported.

318
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,198
He needed to talk to the guy
that ran the place, so they told me,

319
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,118
"You wait outside,
shoot some baskets."

320
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,674
So it's early and the courts are deserted.

321
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,676
And it's a really... It's a bad area.

322
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,632
But long story short,
this kid comes up. He's about...

323
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,477
I don't know, he's 14.

324
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,234
And he beat the hell out of me.

325
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,508
He, uh...

326
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,278
kicked me in the head a few times.

327
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,432
He had this box cutter.
I thought he was gonna slice my face.

328
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,711
But he wound up taking
some little bullshit chain I had and...

329
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,320
my sneakers, he took my sneakers,
took my socks and he even...

330
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:11,035
he even took this little
half-full pack of chewing gum.

331
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,308
And...

332
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,874
I went upstairs

333
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,196
and my dad sees me,
and he sees I just got my ass kicked,

334
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,232
that I got no sneakers, no socks.

335
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,914
And I started to tell him what happened.

336
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,395
And I... I started crying.

337
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,115
So my dad...

338
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,391
slapped the shit out of me.

339
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,388
It sounded like a whip crack.

340
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:47,194
And he made me walk around barefoot
for the whole rest of the day

341
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,073
just to teach me a lesson.

342
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,239
What age were you?

343
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,673
11.

344
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,917
And the next weekend he took me to a gym

345
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,632
to meet up with this guy named Tom,

346
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,389
and Tom said that there are
two types of martial arts.

347
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,353
"One is the kind that's a physical
and spiritual discipline, a way of life.

348
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,359
"The second type
is where you learn to fight,

349
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,311
"and this here is a fighting gym.

350
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,033
"You got a problem with that?"

351
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,038
I didn't have a problem with it,
cos I didn't want anybody

352
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,436
to ever put their hands on me
like that ever again.

353
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,190
So I came four days a week after school,

354
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,912
and I learned, and I learned fast.

355
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,030
And the next time some kid picked on me,

356
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,878
I beat his face to a pulp.

357
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,874
You couldn't even recognise him.

358
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,560
Cos, see, fear is like fire.

359
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,239
If you master it,
then it can heat your house, cook your food,

360
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,671
but if it gets the best of you,
it can burn you, it can destroy you.

361
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,109
You control your fear...

362
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,477
You control your fear,
you control your life.

363
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,474
(Clears throat)

364
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,232
Excuse me.

365
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,229
(Sobs)

366
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,754
(Sighs)

367
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,039
Are you all right?

368
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,189
Yeah, I don't think I can do this.

369
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,032
Do what?

370
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,469
This therapy, I...

371
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,115
(Sighs) It's just too much for me.

372
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,878
I think I need a break, uh...

373
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,353
a few weeks, a month.

374
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,118
(Sighs)

375
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,549
I just don't think it's leading anywhere,
that's all.

376
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,999
It's not leading anywhere.

377
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,429
Where do you want it to lead, Alex?

378
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,918
Someplace where I feel
less shitty about myself.

379
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,075
(Sighs)

380
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,910
Someplace where I can find
some balance in my life.

381
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,233
Someplace sane. I miss flying.

382
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:31,349
(Sighs)

383
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,230
Somehow everything is
just much simpler up there.

384
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,956
I can focus on something. The only thing
you gotta think about is the mission.

385
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,792
It's quiet.

386
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,908
Is it possible to get that feeling

387
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,679
on the ground, do you think?

388
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,471
I don't know.

389
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,589
(Sniffs)

390
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,995
I got a call from my wing commander, he's...

391
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,554
he's interested in knowing how I'm doing.

392
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,989
He's fishing.
He's trying to figure out if I'm ready...

393
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,997
for active duty.

394
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,391
It's, you know, all sorts of tests, though.

395
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,000
It's a long process.

396
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,235
Do you think you're ready for that, Alex?

397
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,474
(Sniffs)

398
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,839
What do you think?

399
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,110
No, I don't think you're ready.

400
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,908
Maybe I can discuss it with Michaela.

401
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,679
I don't think Sean and Daniel
would be much help.

402
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,678
Gays don't really
understand the military,

403
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,109
or vice versa.

404
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,197
Alex, these... these feelings and memories

405
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,356
that you have about your father,

406
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,837
I think this is really something
we should...

407
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,598
we should come back to.

408
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:03,793
Yeah. Uh...

409
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:08,355
I might actually have to go in
over the next few weeks...

410
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,551
some days for some meetings...

411
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,875
so I'll keep you posted
if I can't come next week.

412
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:14,909
Sure.

413
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,118
Thanks.

414
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:03,629
English SDH