Two weeks ago, salesman Denny Kresge,
was leading a quiet existence.
That all changed when a 20-pound meteor
crashed into his life
via the window of his Valencia office.
Denny's landlord claims the cosmos sent the rock
to his building.
Where is the meteorite, Denny?
Uh, I... I have it. Uh, the meteorite is safe.
It's in an undisclosed location until we sort this out.
Thank you.
And, we'd like to help Mr. Kresge sort it out.
He possesses one of the largest meteorites on record,
and he wants to sell.
But he can't unless he beats his landlord to the claim.
It's worth the fight.
Meteorites are worth more than platinum.
They go for upwards of $1,000 per gram.
- Yeah. Yeah. - All right. We choose to accept your mission.
Why should I give it to you?
- 'Cause we saw "Armageddon" opening night. - Pssh.
Sorry. I like Damien on this.
That's not an option.
Damien has been charged with Judge Dinsdale's murder.
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
Hey, hey, hey, man. I seen you around.
Hey. How do we know each other?
Hey, hey. You ever buy meth from Ricky?
N... no. I... I prefer to cook my own. I'm kind of a health nut.
Damien.
Say goodbye to your cellies.
G... goodbye.
All right.
I'm telling you, Stanton...
Dinsdale walked directly into my backswing.
- Well, even if it was an accident... - It was.
I can't believe that you and Josh didn't see anything.
Well, you were down in that gully.
Josh... he was in the bunker. And I was in the weeds.
I'm sorry, but we've been over this.
Well, maybe we should go through this with Josh.
Well, Josh was a dear friend to the judge.
And he's already told the police
that you threatened to bury a 7-iron in Dinsdale's skull.
Dinsdale was riding me the whole round.
Now, did I want to kill him? I... I absolutely did,
but, Stanton, the second that I pushed back,
he offered me his seat on the bench.
The whole thing... the whole thing he put me through...
- it was all a test. - Huh.
Still, there is the grisly matter of the coroner's report.
"Victim perished
as a result of two blunt-force traumas to the head."
Mm-hmm. Intent.
I had to swing hard to dig out of the rough.
Why didn't you stop after the first blow?
Because I thought I hit a branch.
You believe me, don't you?
I don't need to believe you, Damien, but a jury will.
Hey, killer.
Go ahead. Pound me until candy comes out.
We actually want to help you.
- Really? - Yeah.
This whole thing is a nightmare.
We specialize in solving nightmares.
Well, I appreciate that,
but Stanton wants to handle it himself.
- What? Why? - I don't know.
He says he wants to keep it in the family.
That doesn't...
- Okay. - Well, okay.
- It's Stanton. - Okay. Okay.
Well, listen, our door's always open.
If you need an investigator, Carmen is the best.
Thank you. I... I may take you up on that.
- All right. - Okay.
Dead man walking!
- Okay, I knew that was coming. - Yep.
Just doesn't feel right,
us chasing down this meteorite case
when Karp is staring down a murder rap.
Well, it's not our call.
Bogey!
Gibson & Marshall got to him first?
Yep.
It's a warm-up frame.
Yeah, it's your 10th.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. My lunch went long.
How did we do?
Got knocked out. Alley cats were slamming them today.
We'll get our shot next round.
Anyone want to stick around for a few more frames?
Can't. Date night with Sarah. I'm picking up lobsters.
You know, we got the lane for another hour. You can roll with us.
Peter Bash, Jared Franklin, Infeld-Daniels-King.
You're lawyers?
Rollers... with law degrees.
Oh! You don't mess with the Jesus!
Toe was on the line. It was a foul.
- Mark it a strike, dude. - Mark it a zero. Next frame.
- Hey. Meteor man knows his "Lebowski." - Oh. All right.
That's the greatest sports movie ever.
Amen.
Well, what do you say?
Yeah, I guess I could bowl a few.
All right. All right.
7-10 split.
No sweat.
Rejected.
That is very un "dude" of you.
Oh!
This is way better than league.
Denny, we can get your space rock back for you.
So, your landlord may own the window
that the meteorite shattered, but with your lease,
you have dominion and control of the floor that it landed on.
Look, I'm sure you're great lawyers,
but so is every other firm after 33% of my meteorite.
33% sounds stupidly high.
- We were thinking more like 20%. - 10%.
Dude, you're... you're bidding against me.
No, no, 10%. Okay. Deal.
Solid negotiating.
If you guys ever want to bowl again,
you know, I'm... I'm available pretty much whenever you are.
We can do better than bowling, Denny.
Tell you what... you come by our place tomorrow night,
bring your meteorite.
- Here's to 10%. - 10%.
10%.
Damien has a very unusual golf swing.
To put it politely,
he makes Charles Barkley seem like Phil Mickelson.
Mr. Keyser, um, with the court's permission,
would you please demonstrate
Mr. Karp's uncouth golf swing?
I'll allow it.
Thank you, Your Honor.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
A normal golf swing is fluid and effortless.
Fore!
So, in your professional opinion,
how does Mr. Karp's swing deviate from the norm?
Well, what Damien does is
he has a few wiggles in his prep...
Takes it slowly back, pauses at the top...
Longer than usual, comes back to center,
and then proceeds to try to do his golf swing.
Ah, so, if one was to misread his backswing,
thinking that his pause was an opportunity to approach...
Please continue.
Donk, donk. Ah!
Two blows to the head.
Well, that is fascinating.
Hmm. Thank you.
Uh, no further questions.
Thank you, Mr. Keyser.
Your Honor, I'd like to submit to the court
an affidavit from a Stanton Infeld.
Proceed.
Mr. Infeld stated to police
that judge Dinsdale walked behind the defendant
five separate times on the afternoon in question.
So it's reasonable to assume the defendant was aware
judge Dinsdale might have wandered into his backswing.
- Objection. - Damien.
I'll sit down.
Mr. Karp's erratic backswing wasn't an accident.
It was an excuse.
He may be a terrible golfer,
but he still coldly murdered Judge Dinsdale.
Looks like we have a murder trial, gentlemen.
Wednesday morning, 9:00 A.M.
Uh-oh.
You're not still texting.
No. Karp lost his motion to dismiss.
What is Infeld doing?
He's too close to this case.
Our client-intake department tells me
you retained Denny Kresge... well done.
Look at that a compliment.
Yeah, thanks. Now let us in on Karp.
I can't let Damien's case strain my resources.
Now, you can challenge my parenting skills,
or you can finish the case you begged me for.
Denny had a private dealer appraise the rock.
$3 million.
Not bad for an afternoon of bowling, huh?
Oh, we need the firm to reimburse us
for our bowling games... seven of them, 48 bucks.
You're wearing bowling shoes.
- They're comfortable. - Make that 230 bucks.
Okay, let's see.
You're making 33% on $3 million, so you can pay for it.
Oh, wait. I'm sorry. 10%.
You didn't think I'd read the agreement
you signed with meteor man?
You asked us to sign a client, and we did.
And you left $700,000 on the table.
Does this mean the firm's not gonna pay for our shoes?
Wrap it up.
The longer this clock ticks, the more it costs the firm.
They're a business write-off.
These are a little tight.
I think I need to get the next size up.
Ooh! Sweet meteor.
My dad had a PhD in toxicology.
We didn't have a lot in common, him being smart.
I spent most of my life selling plastic silverware
and styrofoam containers to restaurants.
Helping out the environment. That's pretty cool.
Actually kind of boring.
So, no parents, no siblings. What about girlfriends?
Any girlfriends in the picture?
We just broke up. Met online.
She turned out to be a guy in Honduras.
Denny, don't take this the wrong way,
but your life kind of...
Sucks.
No, no. It doesn't suck.
You're just in a rut, and we're gonna help dig you out.
Well, after I sell the meteorite,
uh, I plan on starting over.
What's up, meteor man?
Not much.
You've come to the right place, Denny.
All right, a meteor man shot for meteor man.
Not for me, guys.
I... I want to remember all this.
To infinity.
And far away places.
It's not the saying. Oh.
Ladies and gentlemen, out of the way, excuse me.
Coming through. Official business. Pardon me.
Whoa. That was intense.
Ooh. I have a feeling they're not here for the party, Peter.
We'll take it from Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the hell is going on?
I'm Dr. Stephan Gall with JXP Dynamics.
We've been alerted to some potentially hazardous
space debris in your possession.
There's nothing hazardous about "Rocky."
We've been drinking with him all night... never felt better.
Come on. L... look, Stephen, this is...
Uh-uh. It's Stephan.
- Stephan? - Stephan.
- Stephan.
Look, you can't just take somebody else's property,
specifically our client's property.
We have orders to seize the meteorite
belonging to Dennis Kresge
under titles I and IV of the Homeland Security Act.
Let's get it back to JXP.
Secure or transport.
Secure for transport, sir.
Go back to your party, gentlemen.
Legit?
Legit.
Denny, I hate to tell you this,
but someone just hit pause on your new life.
Oh, come in. Come in, Damien.
- You wanted to see me? - Yes. How are you?
Thanks for coming. We we were just talking.
Um, it seems that there's a backlash
from some of the clients regarding the pending trial.
Vanden Pharma, Carlson Savings.
They're afraid judges' rulings could be prejudiced against them
because of Dinsdale,
which is why I worked out a deal
with D.A. Everett this morning.
- You did what? - Three years of anger-management classes
and 500 hours of community service
in exchange for a plea of reckless endangerment.
It's a gift.
I'm not interested. I need to clear my name.
Stanton, you back me up, right?
It's a good deal, Damien.
All we want to do is to keep you out jail.
You're asking me to trade my reputation for the firm's.
You have 48 hours before the deal's off the table.
How could they legally take something
that doesn't... that doesn't belong to them?
Title IV of the Homeland Security Act
gives the government permission
to verify all weapons of terrorism.
It's a rock, not a nuke.
Yeah, they're both four-letter words
to the government until proven otherwise.
Speaking of weapons of mass destruction, 11:00.
How could you lose a meteorite?
Technically, we didn't lose it. It was taken from us.
- Yes, a Dr. Stephen Hall... - Stephan.
Stephan Hall.
He runs a space research firm
that's contracted by the government.
Yep, they already cleared the rock of hazardous material,
but they're keeping it for further research.
Government-backed corporations are like legal quicksand.
Yeah, w... what's up with Karp?
I'm getting him a slap on the wrist.
He's pleading out? No way. Will you let us in?
So, what's plan "B" with the rock?
We're taking Denny out for beers and brainstorming.
That's where we do our best thinking.
Oh, no, thanks, guys. I actually don't drink.
I'm part Irish.
Well, not all Irish drinkers have drinking problems.
Yeah, but I'm also Minnekopa Indian.
Both my parents were alcoholics, so...
You're Minnekopa?
Yeah, 1/16th blood on my dad's side.
Skip the drinks. Dinner's on me tonight.
I might have just found your plan "B."
Mr. Hughes plays dominoes with Judge Dinsdale every Tuesday.
Now, I already told this to the police.
So if it's all right with you, I've got a staff to manage.
We're trying to find someone the police might have missed
who can confirm Damien accidentally hit Judge Dinsdale.
Well, they interviewed my entire staff.
Right, but it could be, like, a maintenance worker or a caddie,
someone who's afraid to lose their job for speaking up.
Well, our GPS system tracks every golf cart
and maintenance vehicle on the course
for liability purposes.
The cart system also displays how far you are from the green,
keeps score, even lets you order food and beverage.
It's really innovative.
Yeah, I don't want to buy one, Karp.
Now, as you can see,
there were only two carts on the 14th hole...
you and Judge Dinsdale in cart number 43
and Mr. Infeld and Mr. Hughes in cart number 26.
Okay, so, that's us in the gully, right?
Hold up... what's the time stamp on cart 26
when it drove by the gully?
- Uh, 12:43. - Wait. 12:43.
So if... if Stanton was hitting from the rough
between 12:40 and 12:45,
that means his partner was still driving the cart.
Which means Hughes wasn't in the sand trap.
Then he saw everything.
Because JXP receives federal funding as a private firm,
we can go after the meteorite for your people.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. "Your people"?
A little insensitive, Rachel.
Well, the Minnekopa are his people.
They're a tribe under the Anasazi, who worship the sky,
making the meteorite an artifact Denny can reclaim.
Using Nagpra.
W... what's Nagpra?
It's a federal law that returns Native American
cultural items to their tribes.
Exploiting disenfranchised groups...
it's not really our thing.
Yeah, it's unethical, totally uncool.
Let's get something straight...
I'm the only lawyer at this table
who's never been in contempt.
And whether or not it's uncool is irrelevant.
What's relevant is getting the meteorite back.
Oh, I'm sorry. We... we didn't order dessert.
Oh, they're on the house. Could I get a photo, meteor man?
Uh, sure.
We're not the only ones calling the shots on this case.
Yeah. What do you say, meteor man?
Before the meteorite, my clients barely knew my name,
and now I got complete strangers buying me cheesecake.
I think I'd like to see where it takes me.
All right.
Let's make you an official Minnekopa and find out.
It's like Mars.
It's hotter than Mars.
Further.
Oh, yeah, r-remember...
When we present ourselves to the tribal chief,
make direct eye contact and say, uh, "oki ni-kso-ko-wa,"
which means...
Hi. Yeah.
Yeah, we've been boning up, too.
Okay, we... we should probably go over
the Minnekopa greeting custom again.
Denny, you need to relax.
I... I just don't want to be disrespectful.
You're gonna be great.
We don't currently have Wi-Fi service
for the rec building in the Q3 budget, Cigala.
We will revisit your request in Q4.
Thank you, Chief Elsu.
Well, the language barrier won't be a problem.
No, sir.
The council will next recognize Denny Kresge.
Showtime.
Let's go, champ.
Chief elsu, I want to begin by saying oki ni-kso-ko-wa.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hey.
As Denny's legal counsel, we'll be speaking on his behalf.
We've received Mr. Kresge's request
to become an active member
of the Minnekopa band under the Anasazi.
Yes, sir.
And to be respectful to the council's time,
we've had Denny's blood tested,
and it was confirmed by the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Mr. Kresge.
Yes, chief, sir?
I've seen you on CNN.
We're concerned you'll exploit your heritage
to profit from the sale of the meteorite.
Oh, n... no, no.
I... I want to sell the meteorite.
I just...
Uh...
Chief Elsu, if I may...
Denny is a victim.
He's had his meteorite stolen
by someone who's abusing the government's power,
much like what happened to Native Americans
all across this very land.
And Denny didn't come here to profit, no.
Denny came here for justice.
To prove our point,
he's willing to give a portion of the meteorite sale
to the reservation once he gets it back.
We would rather see the star spirit tear
- returned to the land. - Well, all due respect,
whether you accept this deal or not,
the star tear is gone, and you will get nothing.
And this way, you'll have funds
to build schools, preserve the land.
And Cigala can get the Wi-Fi she so richly deserves.
We're also willing to share our 10% contingency fee
with the reservation.
What the... a... again?
It slipped out.
It's not about the money with us.
- 1%. - What?
- We'll take 1%. - What?
Why should you have all the karma?
That was a bummer.
I don't understand why they don't take the deal.
Well, let's at least stop at the gift shop on the way out.
I'm digging those hats. Mr. Kresge.
After reviewing your offer,
the council has decided to accept your terms.
Great.
Thank you, Chief Elsu.
All right. We're in business.
Uh, one final condition.
What's that?
Denny must stay on the reservation.
We'll sign his papers,
but he must complete each one of our rituals.
Deal.
Yeah. Looks like you're going to summer camp.
N... now?
Yeah, there you go.
- Have fun. - Okay.
So, you'll give us a signal when to pick him up?
Oh, we'll let you know.
- That's offensive. - What's offensive?
- "Signal." Smoke signal. - Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
You look like Woody from "Toy Story."
Boys, I don't mean to be a burden...
Hey.
What's up, Kemo Sabe?
My qigong is out of whack. It's needs centering.
Now, would it be too much trouble
to ask you if I can borrow back the masamune sword?
Sure. How's it going with your golf partner?
Carmen told us about Hughes.
So you think that he's not coming forward
because he wants to see Karp go down?
As I told Damien, the best chance he has
of not seeing the inside of a prison cell
is if he takes the plea.
Oh, plea deals are for quitters.
Activate us. Let us do our thing.
Yeah, call in the cavalry.
I'd prefer to solve this one on my own.
So, uh, if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to collect the sword.
Okay.
Hope it helps.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
I think he's gonna need more help than just a talisman.
I'm just tired of being on the sidelines.
You ready to saddle up and ride, Tonto?
Why do I have to be Tonto?
I got the hat.
Oh, my God.
Dr. Stephan Hall? Is it really you?
Yes.
I loved your book on the Tunguska event of 1908.
Well, thank you. Most people do.
Oh, um, I'm Gretchen.
Master's in astrogeology.
Mars hematite discovery team. Cassini mission.
Well, you... you've accomplished quite a bit for someone your age.
Well, my dream is, uh, to work for JXP.
Well, one day, Gretchen,
when you've accomplished enough for me to recognize you,
then your dream may come true.
Good luck.
Forgive me, but, um, why would you want to work
for a conceited prick like Stephan Hall?
Well, some girls are into rubies, emeralds.
I'm into pallasite meteorites.
Well, clearly, you're not into job security
if you're considering JXP.
- Mason Dominic. - Galadyne?
The, uh, number-two meteoric research facility behind JXP?
Why should I come work for you?
Listen, JXP's contract with Homeland Security expires
at the end of the month.
The company won't survive without it.
Researchers are bailing like the building's on fire.
That's good to know.
So, is there a number I can call
for a more thorough interview?
Well, that depends on where we go for dinner.
Number's right there.
Can I get you gentlemen a drink?
Yes, a Manhattan with a twist.
I'd like a Martini up, two olives.
And you are guests of...?
Just put it on the... Underhills.
I'm sorry. We don't have an Underhills at saw...
Leonard Franklin. He's my father.
Dude, you always take the fun out of it.
Dude, the "Fletch" thing hasn't worked for a decade, okay?
It's your move.
Oh! Oh! Yahtzee!
Hey, guys. Sorry. We're new to the game.
Yeah. Aah!
You must be Josh Hughes. I'm Peter Bash.
Jared Franklin. Infeld-Daniels-King.
Oh, we're friends of, uh, Damien Karp.
Well, I won't hold that against you.
You might be after you get charged
with spoliation of evidence.
This an ambush, fellas?
It's a wake-up call.
We know you left your law firm two weeks ago.
Weekly dominoes with Judge Dinsdale?
A regular in his golf foursome?
Doesn't take a scratch handicap
to know you were after the same thing Karp was...
Dinsdale's spot on the bench.
You drove your cart to the gully
and saw that it was an accident.
But if you don't come forward,
then Karp gets convicted,
and you get fitted for a robe.
Spot-on theory, counselors.
Well, thank you. We like it.
If it were 2012.
Gentlemen, this is Garry Keen.
He's with Eagleson Systems in Cupertino.
- How do you do? - Garry.
Why don't you tell them why you're here?
I was offering Josh the position of lead counsel at Eagleson,
which I am happy to say he has accepted.
Hmm.
That still doesn't explain your golf cart's position
to see the accident.
Stanton dropped me at the sand trap, where I remained.
You guys can figure out the rest.
But come after me,
and I will slap you both with a defamation suit.
Stanton was in the cart by the gully.
Oh, great.
Take these to go. Cheers.
I hate those.
No. Make me understand.
How could you tell the police you saw nothing?
Because that's exactly what I saw.
Well, now you're lying to my face.
I didn't lie.
I saw you do nothing.
You were standing there
over poor Judge Dinsdale's still body.
And there was no cry for help... no attempt at CPR.
Valuable minutes when you did absolutely... nothing.
I was in shock.
Yeah. Or you were waiting for him to die.
You could have done something.
I think you're forgetting I'm the one that called 911.
Stanton, it was an accident.
The prosecution may not see it the same way.
D.A. Everett rescinded his deal this morning.
Oh, great. You've been subpoenaed.
Yeah. Well, I can't lie under oath, Damien.
Then I'm screwed.
Not gonna lie... that could have gone smoother.
If I'd known he was gonna bone me,
I would have signed that plea deal two days ago.
- He's just trying to protect you. - Really?
He's got a funny way of showing it.
Hey. He's not gonna let you hang.
Yeah, right.
Stanton's had it out for me since the day I was born.
If that's true, your Uncle might be able to save your ass.
But you have to trust us.
You gonna get me my plea deal back?
- We don't plead. - Either way, it's a win-win.
We pull this off, you go free.
If we don't, you go to prison.
How's that win-win?
Win-win for us.
- For us. - Yeah.
Rising and falling stars
signal bears to awaken from hibernation,
geese to lay their eggs, deer to migrate.
The night skies have kept the Minnekopas alive
for generations.
What happens when a minnekopa dies?
Uh, their spirit creates another star in the sky.
Objection. Narrative.
We're not here for a course in astrology, Your Honor.
Sustained. Focus your lens on your telescope, Mr. Bash.
What do meteorites mean to the Minnekopa?
Well, star spirit tears.
They're, uh, our ancestors's way of communicating
with those still living,
to kind of counsel them in their time of need.
An ancestor such as your late father?
Uh-huh, yeah, Chief Elsu thinks that the meteorite
is actually my dad's way of telling me
to make something of my life.
So, let me get this straight according to the defense,
jxp's research is more crucial
than reuniting a father with his son.
No further questions.
Mr. Kresge,
in order to be officially recognized as Minnekopa,
you had to register with the Bureau of Indian Affairs?
Yeah. I... I did it online.
- How long ago? - Tuesday.
So you've been a Minnekopa for less than 48 hours.
Well, Minnekopa's been in my blood since birth.
Aren't you also Irish?
Yeah.
And how do you celebrate your Irish heritage?
Well, St. Patrick's day is not really a big deal for me.
Hmm, and prior to Tuesday,
how many Minnekopa rituals did you perform?
None.
None?
Am I to understand, Mr. Kresge,
that Tuesday, you became Minnekopa
so that you could sue for a meteorite?
Should I also assume that next week,
you'll turn Irish and sue for the Blarney stone?
Objection. Inflammatory, irrelevant.
It's a good idea, thanks, but Denny wouldn't want a pub.
He doesn't drink.
Withdrawn. Your witness.
No further questions, Your hHonor.
Did we win?
We're hanging in.
- Hey. - Hey.
So, my connection at galadyne dug up some info on JXP.
They might not care about closing their doors.
Is this a connection or a boyfriend?
Both are equally useful.
Dr. Hall, in Laymen's terms,
what does JXP dynamics do for the government?
When a meteoroid enters the earth's atmosphere,
we study the size, shape, and velocity of the rock
as it breaks down.
After impact, we calculate the compositional differences
between the new meteorite and the former meteoroid
to predict future strikes.
So your research is critical in warning civilians
about potentially catastrophic collisions.
The Chelyabinsk bolide in Russia
exploded with 30 times the force of Hiroshima.
We had 32 seconds of warning.
My company is the front line in prevention.
There's no room for error.
And why can't you give Mr. Kresge his meteorite back?
If this was an arrowhead, I'd return it in a heartbeat.
But the fact is that Mr. Kresge's meteorite...
well, it... it could save the future of mankind.
Thank you, Dr. Hall.
The future of mankind?
♪ Bum-bum-bum ♪ Wow.
Dr. Hall, I'm confused about JXP's custody policy.
Why is it that you returned three other meteorites
you secured the same week that you acquired Denny's?
Our research on those particular specimens was complete.
Oh. Denny's meteorite is rare.
In fact, it says here
that your company has recently determined
it is from Mercury, correct?
Yes, and hopefully it'll yield some compelling data.
And a compelling price, too, right?
Mercury meteorites can be worth $2 million a pound.
Is that a question or an implication?
Both.
With JXP losing their Homeland Security contract,
it seems that having
a one-of-a-kind 20-pound meteorite...
That could ease the pain of an early retirement.
Objection. Argumentative.
Sustained.
The jury will disregard the plaintiff's last statement.
No further questions.
You can step down.
Nice try.
- Future of mankind. - Yeah.
Proving JXP's money problems is still circumstantial.
Not to mention hard to verify.
Our case is dying on the table.
You know, an asteroid taking us out right now
would solve our problems.
Too bad the MN4 asteroid doesn't pass earth until 2029.
But it'll still miss us by 18,000 miles,
unless it changes course, like the Shoemaker-Levy 9 comet.
When did you become a meteorologist?
Oh, I kind of like this guy at Galadyne,
so I'm reading a few blogs he recommended
so he doesn't think I'm a fraud.
Not a fraud? Huh.
Even though he still thinks your name is Gretchen?
A girl can have her secrets.
Carm, in the least amount of nerd possible,
tell me what happened with that comet.
The force from Jupiter's orbit made the comet disintegrate,
altering the coefficient of friction,
which changed its path.
That ends the rally for the inning.
You know, if Dr. Douche is gonna use science
to save the planet...
We'll use it to save Denny's rock.
You've asked to be heard outside the presence of the jury, Mr. Karp.
What's the secrecy?
Your Honor, I'd like to make a motion
for substitution of counsel.
What?
You want to fire your lawyer?
- An unforeseeable conflict of interest has arisen. - Damien.
My Uncle's been subpoenaed by the prosecution.
Damien, this is preposterous!
It's going to make for a very awkward Thanksgiving.
We haven't spent Thanksgiving together since I was 13.
- Really? - Really.
Counselor, if I were to grant your motion,
are you ready with counsel to replace Mr. Infeld?
Jared Franklin.
Peter Bash, Your Honor.
Oh, geez.
I hope you boys know what you're doing here.
No more than usual. Your honor, we'd like to call Stanton Infeld to the stand
to establish conflict of interest.
Your Honor, I... I implore you to deny this insulting request.
I was trying cases in front of the Supreme Court
when these two were in diapers!
That hardly narrows it down, Your Honor.
Peter wore diapers till he was 14.
By choice, Your Honor.
Mr. Infeld... take the witness stand.
This is a career decision from you two.
I hope it's worth it.
Mr. Infeld, isn't it true that you've had a history
of demeaning behavior towards your nephew?
My love for Damien, although sometimes tough,
has always been unconditional.
Bullshit.
Didn't you hire Jared and me
to make Damien's life a living hell?
Admittedly so,
but it's something that I've always regretted.
And didn't you hire Rachel king to remind Damien
that he would never take over the law firm?
- Is that true? - Oh, come on, Damien.
She's just... a lot easier on the eyes.
In fact, Mr. Infeld, you've made a hobby
of humiliating your nephew, haven't you?
I have not! No, absolutely not!
And if you want to see humiliation, watch out.
Objection.
A lawyer doesn't have to love their client
in order to effectively represent them.
Ha! Thank you. Absolutely.
- Overruled. - Wh...
I'm allowing substitution of counsel.
- Consider yourself fired. - What?
We're in recess.
We'll commence trial in 15 minutes.
This is humiliating.
Poppycock. In all my life. It's ridiculous.
What is this? "American Justice"?
And don't you talk to me!
You say that Infeld's your star witness?
He's ours, too.
And we've just given you a few Kodak moments. There's more.
It's gonna be pretty easy to paint Stanton
as having a lifelong vendetta against his nephew, but...
All right, you can have the old deal back.
Oh, the deal, the plea? Not interested.
What should we lead with?
The time that your Uncle made you work
the weekend of your father's funeral?
- That was devastating. - Oh, you know what I like
is the time Infeld stole his prom date.
I never saw that coming.
Fine. We'll dismiss the charges.
But I'll have to check upstairs.
Wow.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Capital wow.
- I don't know... It worked. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Thank us later.
Also, go find your Uncle.
Tell him he deserves an Oscar for that performance.
We got to get out of here. There's a meteor heading our way.
Yeah, here they come. Um, act natural. Just, uh...
- I am natural. - Well, pretend we're talking or something.
We don't have to pretend we're talking.
- We're actually talking. - Pretend we're talking.
- We are actually talking. - But say something.
- How are you, Peter? - That's... you're not...
Why don't you answer the question?
Ms. Testino, Dr. Hall, could we have a moment?
- What can we do for you? - Well, I don't understand why we can't
split Denny's rock right down the middle
and go our separate ways.
Yeah, you take half for research.
And he takes his half,
- which was his to begin with. - Right.
Not interested.
Okay, well... well, take some time, think about it.
- I just did. - How about a quarter of the rock?
You wouldn't be offering a settlement
unless you feared losing... no deal.
What is this?
Another case of white-man subjugation?
Huh? At least you threw them some beads for Manhattan.
We'll settle this in court.
How about a quarter of the piece of the rock?
One quarter?
One quarter. Give the dog a bone? Huh?
No? A quarter of the piece of the rock.
Counselors, lower your voices.
1/8th?!
How about a 1/16th of a star spirit's tear,
the same amount as Denny's Minnekopa blood?
Or they take their protest outside the offices of JXP!
- I'll give you a sliver. - Thanks.
Stephan, this is bullying.
If I give you a sliver, will it make this go away?
Uh, actually, it will. In court.
See you there.
Thanks.
Dr. Hall, it's my understanding
that JXP is currently studying
the exact size and shape of Denny's meteorite
to predict where future strikes might hit.
An obligation we take seriously.
With no room for error... your words.
When a city's fate is at stake,
we can't afford wiggle room.
Yes, but if size and shape are so critical
to your life-saving research,
why were you willing to split up the meteorite
earlier in our settlement agreement?
Objection.
Defense's settlement negotiation was privileged
and, therefore, not admissible.
But, Your Honor, the negotiation happened in a public hallway
in front of Minnekopa tribe members,
and I'm sure they'll gladly attest to that fact.
- Overruled. Carry on, Mr. Bash. - Thank you, Your Honor.
Dr. Hall, before we withdrew our offer,
you agreed to giving back a sliver of Denny's meteorite,
correct?
You are under oath.
I agreed to a solution benefiting both parties.
I'm so glad you said that.
Whew!
Uh, your honor, with your permission,
we'd like to contest Dr. Hall's statement
with a demonstration.
- What is that? - A pitching machine, Your Honor.
I also have an affidavit from the maker
stating it's been properly calibrated for its consistency.
If you turn this courtroom into a batting cage, Mr. Bash,
I'll run you.
Your Honor, a little leeway. We won't. Promise.
You got one inning.
- Play ball! - All right.
Now, if the jury would,
assume these baseballs are Denny's meteorite
hurtling towards Los Angeles.
Los Angeles.
First, a perfect sphere.
Los Angeles is toast.
Now a ball representing Denny's meteorite
after our proposed settlement.
As you can see, a sliver has been removed.
Your Honor, you may want to step out of the box.
Right.
- You good? - Go.
All right.
Oh!
- Did I get it? - Oh.
You all right, Your Honor?
Yeah. Thanks.
Bye-bye, Burbank.
Or Barstow or San Diego. Who knows?
Dr. Hall, isn't it true that changing the size and shape
of Denny's meteorite by even a sliver
could compromise your ongoing research?
I must have made a mistake.
But there's no room for error.
Unless you weren't planning on keeping the meteorite
for saving anyone's life but your own.
Everybody's got a spirit animal.
Mine is the kodiak grizzly.
How do I know what mine is?
Okay, what's the first animal that comes to mind right now?
Well, uh... minotaur.
- Minotaur? - Yeah.
- Half-man, half-bull? - Yeah.
- That's your spirit animal? - That's my spirit animal.
- It's not even real. - But that's my spirit animal.
That's... that's what I want to be.
You can't tell me what...
You want to be something fake?
An acquisitions manager for the Bahir hotel group in Dubai
just called to get in early on Denny's meteorite.
- I told them to get in line. - Yeah. No, no.
We, uh, read that Sotheby's is predicting
a record opening bid next week.
1% of $40 million...
that'll cover a lot of billables, right?
1%. You're hilarious.
- You... - You...
You didn't... you didn't tell her?
How firm was that 10% number when you first heard it?
I counted on it.
- You did. Yeah. - Yeah. That's...
Let's not worry about the math.
How about we worry
about the fact that our client is happy and we won?
That money that you leave scattered all over town
like birdseed... it keeps our firm solvent.
It funds your F&B circus.
You're not just sabotaging me. You're sabotaging yourselves.
Is this a bad time?
- Hey, meteor man. - Hey, hey, hey!
- Always time for you. - How you doing, buddy?
Good.
Look... I just wanted to stop by
and thank you for, uh, opening my eyes to my heritage.
- That's what we're here for. - You're welcome.
Uh, the thing is, though, I... I just can't let down
the people that have accepted me.
What are you saying, Denny?
Well, I gave the meteorite to my reservation this morning.
- Damn. - Fantastic.
Yeah. It's the right thing to do.
Is she okay?
Overcome with emotion.
Well, you should have seen the look on their faces
when I handed them that thing.
Honestly, I never really cared that much for the game
or the chaps that play it.
There are far more fulfilling things to do in an afternoon.
For instance,
have you ever tried vine diving with the Vanuatu?
I literally killed my only chance at becoming a judge.
Well, you know, plenty of esteemed men, by the way,
have been acquitted of murder, rebounded, found success.
I mean... I'm living proof.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
Golf's out.
Maybe it's a sign.
Oh, you're gonna be fine, dear boy. Gonna be fine.
But promise me one thing...
you won't go to Victoria Falls
to look for your answer, hmm?
You have my word.
Oh, I'm keeping the sword, by the way.
I should never have released it.
Kind of saw that coming.
We just wanted to say welcome back.
Thank you.
And, uh, I appreciate you guys getting my back.
I owe you.
- You owe us? - So happy you said that,
because we have some requisition forms for you to sign.
We bought the baseball-pitching machine with the corporate card.
There's already two signatures on it. We just need a third.
Why don't you just take it back?
Because then we wouldn't have a pitching machine.
- Oh-ho-ho-ho! Oh! - Well, of course you can hit the bull's-eye
with a pitching machine. I can do it with my arm.
That was the bet. Pay up.
- Come on. - Pay up.
- Oh, man. - Come on. Yeah.
There you go.
You know, I've been giving it some thought.
I think I'm back in the game.
That's what I like to hear.
- Yeah. Want to double-date? - No, I don't.
- What do you mean? Come on. - No. You're embarrassing.
You over... you overcompensate.
That's hurtful.
I'm a new man. I'll even let you pick the date.
- Okay. - Okay?
One condition.
- I have to bring my guitar. - No guitar.
- Dude. - No.
Girls love Dashboard Confessional.
Okay, nobody loves Dashboard Confessional.
I didn't want to tell you. Nobody likes them.
- That's not true. - All right, I'm out.
Oh!
- Welcome back. - Oh, let me.
- Let me, let me. - Oh!
- All right, Karp, we're out of fruit. - Hey, Karp.
Oh. Oh!
Oh, man, that was a good one.
That was a good one. Another good one.
- Welcome back! - T... thank you.
We're out of fruit. We're out of fruit. We don't have any more.
Okay. Come on.
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