1 00:00:06,447 --> 00:00:08,400 Previously on In Treatment. 2 00:00:09,198 --> 00:00:11,046 I feel sorry for the books up there. 3 00:00:14,152 --> 00:00:16,706 I'm going back to training next week for the Olympics, 4 00:00:16,876 --> 00:00:19,655 and if you try to stop me, you will never see me again. 5 00:00:19,825 --> 00:00:21,811 Right, you'll go to your father's. 6 00:00:22,177 --> 00:00:25,145 Only he's in Miami photographing supermodels, 7 00:00:25,405 --> 00:00:28,481 no one can get a hold of him. He doesn't know she was in the hospital. 8 00:00:28,848 --> 00:00:32,273 - Shut up! - He hasn't called her in over a month. 9 00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:35,822 Why didn't you tell me that your father didn't know you tried to kill yourself? 10 00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:38,591 I have to go. 11 00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:43,153 - What about our agreement? - Let's talk about it next week. 12 00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:46,124 We won't talk about it next week. What about our agreement? 13 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:49,502 I won't try and kill myself as long as I'm in therapy. 14 00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:03,349 - Yes? - Afternoon. 15 00:01:04,311 --> 00:01:05,787 $12 please. 16 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,730 - For what? - Pizza. 17 00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:11,409 A pizza? I didn't order a pizza. 18 00:01:11,874 --> 00:01:15,986 - There's another entrance to the house? - I'm sure nobody ordered a pizza. 19 00:01:16,247 --> 00:01:18,497 Okay, buddy. Just give me a second. 20 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,785 Candy? Can you check the street number on the Robinson street order? 21 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,032 Yeah, it's... 848 Robinson. 22 00:01:25,258 --> 00:01:27,410 Yeah, but the John claims he didn't order a pie. 23 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:29,249 You know what? Let me take it. 24 00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:31,238 I think I know who it's for. 25 00:01:32,194 --> 00:01:35,925 - You know what? He's gonna take it. - What? Suddenly he did order it? 26 00:01:36,095 --> 00:01:38,967 - Ask him what's on it. - You gotta tell me what's on it first. 27 00:01:39,228 --> 00:01:41,261 I can't just hand over another man's pizza. 28 00:01:44,059 --> 00:01:45,167 It's... 29 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,144 - Cheese. - And...? 30 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:50,866 And... 31 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,149 And it's deep-dish. 32 00:01:53,586 --> 00:01:56,004 - Yeah, it's deep-dish, yeah. - Oh, yeah. 33 00:01:56,174 --> 00:01:58,224 - How much is that? - It's $12. 34 00:01:59,041 --> 00:01:59,877 Thanks. 35 00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:03,110 - And... here you go. - Oh, thank you. 36 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,661 - For you. - Thanks a lot. Take care. Bye. 37 00:02:25,917 --> 00:02:26,765 Want some? 38 00:02:27,995 --> 00:02:29,455 No, I'm okay, thanks. 39 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,347 I was on the bus and I realized I haven't had anything to eat. 40 00:02:35,517 --> 00:02:38,845 So I sent a text message to Google from my phone, 41 00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:41,156 they sent me back the number of this place near you. 42 00:02:41,416 --> 00:02:42,944 Google can do that? 43 00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:44,963 Google can do anything. 44 00:02:47,177 --> 00:02:49,949 You sure you don't want some? I think this place is totally organic. 45 00:02:50,119 --> 00:02:51,708 No. Honestly, I'm sure. 46 00:02:51,968 --> 00:02:53,553 I had lunch already. 47 00:02:53,837 --> 00:02:55,462 - How is it? - It's all right. 48 00:02:55,778 --> 00:02:57,712 Not the best, but I have to eat. 49 00:02:58,074 --> 00:02:59,524 I need the calories. 50 00:03:05,763 --> 00:03:07,154 How was your week? 51 00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:09,777 Good, thanks. 52 00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:12,017 So you're in a good mood? 53 00:03:12,187 --> 00:03:13,334 I think so. 54 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,399 Do my moods worry you? 55 00:03:17,859 --> 00:03:20,109 You were a little grumpy last week. 56 00:03:21,386 --> 00:03:22,905 You sort of ate me alive. 57 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:27,748 There were a couple of points that I really wanted to make clear. 58 00:03:27,918 --> 00:03:31,896 And if I came across as impatient or abrupt, 59 00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:34,296 I apologize. 60 00:03:36,238 --> 00:03:39,023 Apology accepted. Were you having a bad week? 61 00:03:40,817 --> 00:03:41,788 Yeah. 62 00:03:42,498 --> 00:03:43,481 And... 63 00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:47,735 Maybe some of that spilled over into this room. 64 00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:50,182 It happens sometimes. I wish it didn't. 65 00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:51,851 Relax, I can take it. 66 00:03:54,014 --> 00:03:55,855 Plus I like that side of you. 67 00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:56,981 Which side? 68 00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,827 The no-bullshit side. 69 00:04:00,582 --> 00:04:04,544 What did you mean when you said "I need the calories"? 70 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,304 I've lost some weight. 71 00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:11,105 When you go back into training with weights and stuff, 72 00:04:11,275 --> 00:04:13,623 As you build up muscle, you're supposed to gain weight 73 00:04:13,948 --> 00:04:16,198 because muscle weighs more than fat. 74 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,627 I didn't know. 75 00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:21,005 When I'm not here, do you just bury your head under a rock or something? 76 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:25,969 So these pounds that I've put on, they could be muscle, really. 77 00:04:27,137 --> 00:04:28,687 Do you go to the gym? 78 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,264 Occasionally. 79 00:04:30,525 --> 00:04:33,350 You have to do it consistently if you wanna see results. 80 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,573 Every day. Weights and cardio. 81 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,381 No pain, no gain, guy. 82 00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,342 - You're right. - You can't see muscle 83 00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,986 if it's buried under fat, so you have to reduce your sugar and carb intake. 84 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:45,947 Okay, coach. 85 00:04:46,207 --> 00:04:48,891 - Sorry. - No, I appreciate the tip, thanks. 86 00:04:49,146 --> 00:04:50,107 Anyway, 87 00:04:50,277 --> 00:04:52,331 If you build muscle, you'll gain weight, 88 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,297 Unless of course you're a physiological freak like me. 89 00:04:55,467 --> 00:04:57,959 Since I've started lifting weights I've lost two pounds, 90 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,789 Which is like anatomically impossible. 91 00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:04,173 Now Cy won't let me lift until I gain it back. 92 00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:06,892 It's bullshit, really. 93 00:05:07,254 --> 00:05:09,931 He was like, "you have to make sure that you eat protein 94 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:13,904 "after every session, and you have to make sure that your fat-carb ratio," 95 00:05:14,074 --> 00:05:15,502 blah blah blah... 96 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,756 He weighed me two days ago. 97 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,576 I don't know how, but I lost another pound. 98 00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:28,697 Can I eat here? 99 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:29,948 Sorry? 100 00:05:31,336 --> 00:05:33,453 I never asked if it was okay for me to eat here. 101 00:05:34,987 --> 00:05:38,291 - Sure, of course it is. - I know you've all these rules. 102 00:05:38,461 --> 00:05:40,375 I wasn't sure if there was one about food. 103 00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:43,519 What are my rules? 104 00:05:45,337 --> 00:05:46,184 Well... 105 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,366 We made a no-suicide rule last week. 106 00:05:48,536 --> 00:05:50,883 I think that was more of a pact, but... 107 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:54,098 If it was a pact, we'd be drinking poisoned Kool-Aid together. 108 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:01,272 And when I had the cast, you had that rule about not undressing me. 109 00:06:01,742 --> 00:06:04,131 I don't know that's so much a rule. 110 00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:06,610 I felt that was inappropriate. 111 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:10,321 So there are no rules. 112 00:06:11,558 --> 00:06:12,908 I can do whatever I want? 113 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,130 No, that's not what I said, 114 00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:17,528 But you can definitely eat. 115 00:06:18,925 --> 00:06:21,075 It makes me happy to see you eat, 116 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,211 with gusto. 117 00:06:25,068 --> 00:06:26,930 A lot of gusto, actually. 118 00:06:40,502 --> 00:06:42,818 - What happened? - I'm done. 119 00:06:44,086 --> 00:06:46,099 I don't want anymore. It's a bit disgusting. 120 00:06:46,269 --> 00:06:48,819 - I thought you said it was good. - I said it was okay. 121 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,016 I'm not hungry anymore. 122 00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:57,074 I had half a slice. What do you want me to do? 123 00:06:57,244 --> 00:07:00,553 Finish the whole thing? Who could finish a whole slice of pizza? 124 00:07:00,723 --> 00:07:02,332 Lots of people who could finish. 125 00:07:02,705 --> 00:07:03,978 Fat people. 126 00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,050 Do you know what gusto means? 127 00:07:12,311 --> 00:07:14,141 Of course, it means... 128 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,555 It means it's how fat people eat. 129 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,404 With gusto. 130 00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:24,869 Did you know a fat person who ate with gusto? 131 00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:28,984 Not exactly. 132 00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,230 Why are you smiling? 133 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,908 My father had this girlfriend... 134 00:07:36,359 --> 00:07:37,384 A model. 135 00:07:38,075 --> 00:07:39,688 She hardly spoke English 136 00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:42,456 and he didn't speak Italian. It was ridiculous. 137 00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:45,348 She used to turn up at his apartment with bags of chocolate. 138 00:07:45,518 --> 00:07:47,169 She kept trying to force-feed me. 139 00:07:48,514 --> 00:07:51,423 When I wouldn't do it, she told my dad I was anorexic. 140 00:07:52,942 --> 00:07:56,148 She went around the house pointing to me and saying, 141 00:07:56,837 --> 00:07:58,681 "I am so worried for her. 142 00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:01,558 "She has no gusto for eating." 143 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:06,695 Meanwhile she's stuffing her bony ass like a pig and never gaining any weight. 144 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:10,049 She was a total Mia. My dad never saw it. 145 00:08:15,713 --> 00:08:16,572 What? 146 00:08:18,909 --> 00:08:20,313 You can say it. 147 00:08:21,270 --> 00:08:23,081 I've heard it a thousand times before. 148 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,861 You think I have an eating disorder. 149 00:08:29,206 --> 00:08:30,671 Why can't anybody understand? 150 00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:33,273 This is just the way I'm built. 151 00:08:33,443 --> 00:08:34,716 I don't get hungry. 152 00:08:34,977 --> 00:08:37,346 I can go a whole day and never get hungry. 153 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:39,466 It doesn't mean I'm anorexic. 154 00:08:39,658 --> 00:08:41,431 I'm an Olympic hopeful, for God's sakes. 155 00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:44,017 I know what my body is and isn't capable of. 156 00:08:44,278 --> 00:08:46,488 I know my body better at 16 157 00:08:46,658 --> 00:08:48,396 than regular people ever will. 158 00:08:54,608 --> 00:08:56,280 Never saw her again. 159 00:08:58,217 --> 00:09:00,105 She starved to death hopefully. 160 00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:02,460 I don't know. 161 00:09:03,914 --> 00:09:06,764 He never stayed with any of them for very long. 162 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:09,371 And when she told him that she thought 163 00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:12,921 that you had an eating disorder, did he take her seriously? 164 00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:17,017 - I don't know. - Did he try to get you to eat more? 165 00:09:18,370 --> 00:09:20,023 He likes me for myself, 166 00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:22,118 And he loves how I look. 167 00:09:22,648 --> 00:09:25,026 He said if the whole gymnastics thing doesn't work out, 168 00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:27,179 He can get me a job as a model... 169 00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:28,911 Like that. 170 00:09:33,234 --> 00:09:35,110 So how do you feel about your weight? 171 00:09:36,064 --> 00:09:37,157 I love it. 172 00:09:37,799 --> 00:09:39,557 I like being light and thin. 173 00:09:40,223 --> 00:09:44,673 I like feeling I could just slip away through a crack in the door if I had to. 174 00:09:45,723 --> 00:09:48,727 Can you think of a time when you used your... 175 00:09:49,218 --> 00:09:52,566 lightness, as you call it, to slip away? 176 00:09:53,545 --> 00:09:56,257 I'm describing a feeling. Don't be so literal. 177 00:09:56,517 --> 00:09:57,966 Okay. Fair enough. 178 00:09:59,070 --> 00:10:01,971 Can you think of a time then when you thought, 179 00:10:02,286 --> 00:10:04,139 "I wish I could just slip away"? 180 00:10:04,773 --> 00:10:06,183 How about right now? 181 00:10:08,478 --> 00:10:12,303 That party where the boy took you into the... 182 00:10:12,473 --> 00:10:15,400 Into the bedroom. Didn't you want to slip away then? 183 00:10:17,092 --> 00:10:18,728 I was trashed. 184 00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:24,992 - You don't get it. - What don't I get? 185 00:10:25,162 --> 00:10:26,710 The slipping away thing. 186 00:10:29,527 --> 00:10:30,913 It's a girl thing, 187 00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:33,910 The wanting to be liked. 188 00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:37,526 To be there, but not to be there. It's like... 189 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,842 - Can we talk about something else? - Finish the thought. 190 00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:44,384 I wanna talk about something else. 191 00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:49,562 What would you like to talk about then? 192 00:10:52,935 --> 00:10:54,231 How's your daughter? 193 00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,354 Rosie? She's... 194 00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,027 She's fine, thank you. 195 00:10:59,348 --> 00:11:01,363 Is she still with that fucked-up guy? 196 00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:03,488 Do you really want to talk about my daughter 197 00:11:03,658 --> 00:11:06,608 or are you just trying to make me uncomfortable? 198 00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,040 I don't wanna talk about her if you don't. 199 00:11:12,364 --> 00:11:13,751 Why wouldn't I? 200 00:11:14,272 --> 00:11:15,855 You never mention her. 201 00:11:23,039 --> 00:11:25,677 After you left last week, I couldn't help thinking, 202 00:11:25,847 --> 00:11:29,099 about how you didn't tell me that your dad was in Miami. 203 00:11:29,845 --> 00:11:30,976 We're back to that? 204 00:11:31,294 --> 00:11:34,229 So he still doesn't know about your attempted suicide? 205 00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:36,160 I don't wanna talk about this. 206 00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,413 Is it something you wanna keep a secret from him? 207 00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:40,277 It's not a fucking secret! 208 00:11:40,588 --> 00:11:43,177 How can it be a secret if that's all you and my mom 209 00:11:43,347 --> 00:11:45,282 and everyone else can talk about? 210 00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,040 What are you thinking about? 211 00:11:59,210 --> 00:12:00,222 Nothing. 212 00:12:02,147 --> 00:12:04,351 I've a test tomorrow I have to study for and I missed 213 00:12:04,521 --> 00:12:07,012 my dentist appointment today, so I have to reschedule that. 214 00:12:07,932 --> 00:12:09,347 I think you're running away. 215 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:10,511 What? 216 00:12:10,811 --> 00:12:13,409 In your mind, you're planning your schedule. 217 00:12:13,654 --> 00:12:15,475 We get close to something 218 00:12:15,937 --> 00:12:17,786 that feels dangerous to you, 219 00:12:18,675 --> 00:12:20,484 And what do you do? You retreat. 220 00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:22,420 I'm not retreating. 221 00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:25,127 I'm stressed about the exam, I think I have a cavity, 222 00:12:25,297 --> 00:12:27,983 and I have a stomachache from that fucking pizza. 223 00:12:28,153 --> 00:12:29,452 What a mistake that was. 224 00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:33,441 I have a theory about that pizza. 225 00:12:33,611 --> 00:12:34,998 Surprise, surprise. 226 00:12:36,091 --> 00:12:37,375 Would you like to hear it? 227 00:12:38,809 --> 00:12:42,005 - Do I have a choice? - Yeah. You always have a choice. 228 00:12:44,152 --> 00:12:45,602 What's your theory? 229 00:12:47,137 --> 00:12:49,054 I think that you were enjoying that pizza. 230 00:12:49,746 --> 00:12:51,962 Until I said something that reminded you 231 00:12:52,132 --> 00:12:55,477 of something your father's girlfriend used to say to you. 232 00:12:57,155 --> 00:12:59,067 I used the word gusto. 233 00:13:00,032 --> 00:13:01,821 Are you saying I'm fucked up about food 234 00:13:01,991 --> 00:13:04,225 because of something my father's girlfriend said? 235 00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,204 Are you fucked up about food? 236 00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:07,739 Isn't everybody? 237 00:13:10,258 --> 00:13:12,120 What does food mean to you? 238 00:13:13,756 --> 00:13:17,541 - What do you mean? - Is it nutrition, is it enjoyment? 239 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,042 What? 240 00:13:19,844 --> 00:13:20,919 It's the enemy. 241 00:13:24,423 --> 00:13:26,508 It's just what happens to gymnasts. 242 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,793 Why didn't you tell me your father was in Miami? 243 00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:34,077 - Why was it a secret? - It's not a fucking secret. 244 00:13:35,154 --> 00:13:38,270 I just don't think I need to bother him with every boring detail of my life. 245 00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:40,606 Your attempted suicide is a boring detail? 246 00:13:41,013 --> 00:13:44,609 It's not a suicide attempt. I was just testing. Remember? 247 00:13:45,386 --> 00:13:47,530 Somebody around here had that theory, I think. 248 00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:49,280 Yeah, that rings a bell. 249 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,575 He'd put it together and decide that it's all your fault. 250 00:13:57,745 --> 00:14:00,395 He already thinks you're a quack, remember? 251 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,879 It's better for you if he doesn't know. He'll never let me come back here. 252 00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:05,463 Better for you or for me? 253 00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:08,633 Which of us would have to stay away from therapy, do you think? 254 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,314 If he knew, he'd be devastated. 255 00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:16,040 He is the most important person to me in this whole world. 256 00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:18,274 I don't ever wanna hurt him. 257 00:14:18,722 --> 00:14:20,699 Why can't you just let it go? 258 00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:24,324 Forget it. 259 00:14:24,876 --> 00:14:26,484 This is such a waste of time. 260 00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:28,667 You tried to kill yourself. 261 00:14:28,837 --> 00:14:32,282 And you don't want to tell the most important person in your world? 262 00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:33,744 He has a life! 263 00:14:34,462 --> 00:14:35,686 Somebody has to. 264 00:14:35,856 --> 00:14:38,015 We can't all go around like walking corpses. 265 00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:40,206 It's not his fault that I took those pills! 266 00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:43,149 I'm not saying it is his fault, I'm just trying to figure out 267 00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:46,212 why you were so ready to leave the planet and not tell him. 268 00:14:46,474 --> 00:14:47,756 What's up your ass? 269 00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:50,967 - Are you angry at him for something? - I'm not angry at him. 270 00:14:51,228 --> 00:14:54,430 - Are you hiding something from me? - Get off my back! 271 00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:04,564 Are we done? 272 00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:08,085 We have a little time left. 273 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:17,771 What? 274 00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:22,248 You've never wanted to end a session early before. 275 00:16:02,242 --> 00:16:05,249 In our first session you mentioned those books up there. 276 00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:10,060 I thought it was because you identified with them. You said they were... 277 00:16:10,539 --> 00:16:12,945 cold and lonely on the top shelf. 278 00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,761 And then I looked at them more closely and I realized that 279 00:16:17,038 --> 00:16:18,350 one of them has... 280 00:16:18,903 --> 00:16:21,591 some of your father's photographs in it. 281 00:16:23,392 --> 00:16:25,498 You said that your dad 282 00:16:26,184 --> 00:16:28,078 loves the way that you look. 283 00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:30,864 And that... 284 00:16:32,211 --> 00:16:35,071 if you weren't a gymnast, that you could be a model. 285 00:16:37,766 --> 00:16:40,931 I guess models are the people that he... 286 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,258 That he chooses to surround himself with, 287 00:16:43,428 --> 00:16:45,225 the people he likes. 288 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:58,469 They're the people he fucks. I wouldn't say he likes them. 289 00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:04,949 I know that in our culture thin models... 290 00:17:05,572 --> 00:17:09,169 are sexualized, but I've always found that really strange, 291 00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:11,643 because in classical art and literature, 292 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,966 eating is often used as a metaphor for sex. 293 00:17:15,872 --> 00:17:17,409 They both conjure up 294 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,137 desire, hunger, 295 00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:21,237 cravings inside us. 296 00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:26,291 Where are you going, Sophie? 297 00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:28,643 Sophie, try to stay here, please. 298 00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,294 Try not to disappear. 299 00:17:32,564 --> 00:17:33,880 Eat shit, Paul. 300 00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:39,202 Why are you doing this? 301 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,014 I thought you were trying to help. 302 00:17:42,777 --> 00:17:46,071 Why does the book provoke such a strong reaction in you? 303 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:48,995 What you're doing is sick. 304 00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,374 It's fucking sick! It's perverted. 305 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,516 - I'll never forgive you for this. - Why? 306 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,233 Because I'm making you uncomfortable? 307 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:00,907 I'm asking you to think about things that you don't want to talk about. 308 00:18:01,188 --> 00:18:03,196 If I wanted to talk about my father's book, 309 00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,610 I would have told you, it was right there. 310 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,874 What about all that crap about a patient deciding what we talk about? 311 00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:10,959 That you take things at my speed, 312 00:18:11,129 --> 00:18:14,045 that I control the wheels and all that? You're so full of shit. 313 00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:16,881 But you have been driving what we talk about here. 314 00:18:17,142 --> 00:18:19,175 You may not realize it, but you have. 315 00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:22,679 The very first thing that you wanted to talk about were those books up there. 316 00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:26,768 What are you saying? That you jerk off to my father's photographs? 317 00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:30,497 That you open up that book and jerk off all over those sluts? 318 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:34,591 You keep suggesting somebody is abusing me. You're abusing me! 319 00:18:35,453 --> 00:18:39,143 That's what you people love most of all, isn't it? A good mindfuck. 320 00:18:39,313 --> 00:18:41,440 To take the one good thing in somebody's life 321 00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:43,101 and somehow fuck it up! 322 00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:45,233 Just like my father said. 323 00:18:50,177 --> 00:18:52,086 Shut the fuck up about him! 324 00:18:58,739 --> 00:19:00,277 How could you? 325 00:19:00,777 --> 00:19:03,261 How could you? You're just like everybody else! 326 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,680 Like who, Sophie? 327 00:19:11,481 --> 00:19:12,851 Please, don't go. 328 00:19:48,914 --> 00:19:50,433 Why did you do that? 329 00:19:53,765 --> 00:19:56,083 You mean why did I take the book down? 330 00:19:58,877 --> 00:20:00,026 Because I had to. 331 00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:03,849 I had to put the book on the table. 332 00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:08,275 And there was really no graceful way of doing it. 333 00:20:11,037 --> 00:20:13,614 I think this book is connected to your wound. 334 00:20:15,629 --> 00:20:17,864 And opening a wound, Sophie... 335 00:20:19,109 --> 00:20:20,413 is frightening. 336 00:20:21,419 --> 00:20:22,927 It's painful. 337 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:26,942 And it's ugly. 338 00:20:33,892 --> 00:20:36,456 You implied that I'd been sexually abused. 339 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,230 Is that what you heard? 340 00:20:39,493 --> 00:20:41,579 I never said anything like that. 341 00:20:44,892 --> 00:20:46,710 This book with the... 342 00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:49,372 with the naked models. 343 00:20:51,204 --> 00:20:53,013 You wanted me to see that. 344 00:20:58,379 --> 00:21:00,000 You know what I think? 345 00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:04,673 I think you're angry. 346 00:21:06,709 --> 00:21:09,596 I think you've got great anger towards your father. 347 00:21:12,487 --> 00:21:14,847 You said earlier on that you wished that 348 00:21:15,137 --> 00:21:17,387 you could slip through the cracks when you wanted to, 349 00:21:17,557 --> 00:21:20,731 but you don't do that when you're in trouble. Not really. 350 00:21:20,993 --> 00:21:23,145 Your mind tries to, but your body, 351 00:21:23,795 --> 00:21:25,366 your body stays here. 352 00:21:26,269 --> 00:21:28,391 You let others do things to you, 353 00:21:28,904 --> 00:21:31,454 because you've convinced yourself that... 354 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,658 That you're not really there. 355 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,892 That it's not happening to you. 356 00:21:41,830 --> 00:21:43,212 That it's not hurting you. 357 00:21:44,835 --> 00:21:47,154 I'm sure this week you'll exercise like a fiend. 358 00:21:47,324 --> 00:21:49,178 And not because you're an Olympic hopeful. 359 00:21:52,162 --> 00:21:55,920 But because I know that after this session, you're gonna want 360 00:21:56,896 --> 00:21:58,643 to regain control. 361 00:22:00,971 --> 00:22:03,582 But I want you to remember something, Sophie. 362 00:22:04,859 --> 00:22:06,863 When you go up onto that beam, 363 00:22:07,948 --> 00:22:10,107 that's the place where you detach. 364 00:22:10,626 --> 00:22:12,784 That's where you go to feel safe. 365 00:22:15,338 --> 00:22:18,286 All I want you to know is you don't have to go there. 366 00:22:19,217 --> 00:22:21,952 There are other places where you can feel safe. 367 00:22:23,388 --> 00:22:24,966 In here, in this room. 368 00:22:27,135 --> 00:22:28,741 It's one of those places.