1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,400 Previously on In Treatment. Synced by GhostedNet 2 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,180 I feel sorry for the books up there. 3 00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:10,700 I'm going back to training next week for the Olympics, 4 00:00:10,870 --> 00:00:13,650 and if you try to stop me, you will never see me again. 5 00:00:13,820 --> 00:00:15,810 Right, you'll go to your father's. 6 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:19,140 Only he's in Miami photographing supermodels, 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,480 no one can get a hold of him. He doesn't know she was in the hospital. 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,270 - Shut up! - He hasn't called her in over a month. 9 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,820 Why didn't you tell me that your father didn't know you tried to kill yourself? 10 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,590 I have to go. 11 00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:37,150 - What about our agreement? - Let's talk about it next week. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,120 We won't talk about it next week. What about our agreement? 13 00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:43,500 I won't try and kill myself as long as I'm in therapy. 14 00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:57,340 - Yes? - Afternoon. 15 00:00:58,310 --> 00:00:59,780 $12 please. 16 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,730 - For what? - Pizza. 17 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,400 A pizza? I didn't order a pizza. 18 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:09,980 - There's another entrance to the house? - I'm sure nobody ordered a pizza. 19 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,490 Okay, buddy. Just give me a second. 20 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,780 Candy? Can you check the street number on the Robinson street order? 21 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,030 Yeah, it's... 848 Robinson. 22 00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,410 Yeah, but the John claims he didn't order a pie. 23 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,240 You know what? Let me take it. 24 00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:25,230 I think I know who it's for. 25 00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:29,920 - You know what? He's gonna take it. - What? Suddenly he did order it? 26 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,960 - Ask him what's on it. - You gotta tell me what's on it first. 27 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:35,260 I can't just hand over another man's pizza. 28 00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:39,160 It's... 29 00:01:40,570 --> 00:01:43,140 - Cheese. - And...? 30 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:44,860 And... 31 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,140 And it's deep-dish. 32 00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:50,000 - Yeah, it's deep-dish, yeah. - Oh, yeah. 33 00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,220 - How much is that? - It's $12. 34 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:53,870 Thanks. 35 00:01:54,510 --> 00:01:57,110 - And... here you go. - Oh, thank you. 36 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,660 - For you. - Thanks a lot. Take care. Bye. 37 00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:20,760 Want some? 38 00:02:21,990 --> 00:02:23,450 No, I'm okay, thanks. 39 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:29,340 I was on the bus and I realized I haven't had anything to eat. 40 00:02:29,510 --> 00:02:32,840 So I sent a text message to Google from my phone, 41 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,150 they sent me back the number of this place near you. 44 00:02:41,170 --> 00:02:43,940 You sure you don't want some? I think this place is totally organic. 45 00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:45,700 No. Honestly, I'm sure. 46 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,550 I had lunch already. 47 00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:49,460 - How is it? - It's all right. 48 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,710 Not the best, but I have to eat. 49 00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,520 I need the calories. 50 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,150 How was your week? 51 00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:03,770 Good, thanks. 52 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,010 So you're in a good mood? 53 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:07,330 I think so. 54 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,390 Do my moods worry you? 55 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:14,100 You were a little grumpy last week. 56 00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,900 You sort of ate me alive. 57 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,740 There were a couple of points that I really wanted to make clear. 58 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:25,890 And if I came across as impatient or abrupt, 59 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:28,290 I apologize. 60 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:33,020 Apology accepted. Were you having a bad week? 61 00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:35,780 Yeah. 62 00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:37,480 And... 63 00:03:38,270 --> 00:03:41,730 Maybe some of that spilled over into this room. 64 00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,180 It happens sometimes. I wish it didn't. 65 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:45,850 Relax, I can take it. 66 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,850 Plus I like that side of you. 67 00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:50,980 Which side? 68 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,820 The no-bullshit side. 69 00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:58,540 What did you mean when you said "I need the calories"? 70 00:04:00,810 --> 00:04:02,300 I've lost some weight. 71 00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:05,100 When you go back into training with weights and stuff, 72 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:07,620 As you build up muscle, you're supposed to gain weight 73 00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,190 because muscle weighs more than fat. 74 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,620 I didn't know. 75 00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:15,000 When I'm not here, do you just bury your head under a rock or something? 76 00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:19,960 So these pounds that I've put on, they could be muscle, really. 77 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,680 Do you go to the gym? 78 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:24,260 Occasionally. 79 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,350 You have to do it consistently if you wanna see results. 80 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,570 Every day. Weights and cardio. 81 00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:31,380 No pain, no gain, guy. 82 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,340 - You're right. - You can't see muscle 83 00:04:34,510 --> 00:04:37,980 if it's buried under fat, so you have to reduce your sugar and carb intake. 84 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:39,940 Okay, coach. 85 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,890 - Sorry. - No, I appreciate the tip, thanks. 86 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:44,100 Anyway, 87 00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:46,330 If you build muscle, you'll gain weight, 88 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,290 Unless of course you're a physiological freak like me. 89 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,950 Since I've started lifting weights I've lost two pounds, 90 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,780 Which is like anatomically impossible. 91 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,170 Now Cy won't let me lift until I gain it back. 92 00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:00,890 It's bullshit, really. 93 00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,930 He was like, "you have to make sure that you eat protein 94 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,900 "after every session, and you have to make sure that your fat-carb ratio," 95 00:05:08,070 --> 00:05:09,500 blah blah blah... 96 00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:11,750 He weighed me two days ago. 97 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,570 I don't know how, but I lost another pound. 98 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:22,690 Can I eat here? 99 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:23,940 Sorry? 100 00:05:25,330 --> 00:05:27,450 I never asked if it was okay for me to eat here. 101 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:32,290 - Sure, of course it is. - I know you've all these rules. 102 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,370 I wasn't sure if there was one about food. 103 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,510 What are my rules? 104 00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,180 Well... 105 00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:42,360 We made a no-suicide rule last week. 106 00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:44,880 I think that was more of a pact, but... 107 00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:48,090 If it was a pact, we'd be drinking poisoned Kool-Aid together. 108 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:55,270 And when I had the cast, you had that rule about not undressing me. 109 00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:58,130 I don't know that's so much a rule. 110 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,610 I felt that was inappropriate. 111 00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,320 So there are no rules. 112 00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,900 I can do whatever I want? 113 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,130 No, that's not what I said, 114 00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,520 But you can definitely eat. 115 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,070 It makes me happy to see you eat, 116 00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:17,210 with gusto. 117 00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:20,930 A lot of gusto, actually. 118 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:36,810 - What happened? - I'm done. 119 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,090 I don't want anymore. It's a bit disgusting. 120 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,810 - I thought you said it was good. - I said it was okay. 121 00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:47,010 I'm not hungry anymore. 122 00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:51,070 I had half a slice. What do you want me to do? 123 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,550 Finish the whole thing? Who could finish a whole slice of pizza? 124 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,330 Lots of people who could finish. 125 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:57,970 Fat people. 126 00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:06,050 Do you know what gusto means? 127 00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:08,140 Of course, it means... 128 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:10,550 It means it's how fat people eat. 129 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,400 With gusto. 130 00:07:14,990 --> 00:07:18,860 Did you know a fat person who ate with gusto? 131 00:07:21,910 --> 00:07:22,980 Not exactly. 132 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,230 Why are you smiling? 133 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,900 My father had this girlfriend... 134 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,380 A model. 135 00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:33,680 She hardly spoke English 136 00:07:33,850 --> 00:07:36,450 and he didn't speak Italian. It was ridiculous. 137 00:07:36,710 --> 00:07:39,340 She used to turn up at his apartment with bags of chocolate. 138 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:41,160 She kept trying to force-feed me. 139 00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:45,420 When I wouldn't do it, she told my dad I was anorexic. 140 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:50,140 She went around the house pointing to me and saying, 141 00:07:50,830 --> 00:07:52,680 "I am so worried for her. 142 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,550 "She has no gusto for eating." 143 00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:00,690 Meanwhile she's stuffing her bony ass like a pig and never gaining any weight. 144 00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:04,040 She was a total Mia. My dad never saw it. 145 00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:10,570 What? 146 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:14,310 You can say it. 147 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,080 I've heard it a thousand times before. 148 00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,860 You think I have an eating disorder. 149 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,670 Why can't anybody understand? 150 00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,270 This is just the way I'm built. 151 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,710 I don't get hungry. 152 00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:31,340 I can go a whole day and never get hungry. 153 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,460 It doesn't mean I'm anorexic. 154 00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:35,430 I'm an Olympic hopeful, for God's sakes. 155 00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:38,010 I know what my body is and isn't capable of. 156 00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:40,480 I know my body better at 16 157 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,390 than regular people ever will. 158 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,280 Never saw her again. 159 00:08:52,210 --> 00:08:54,100 She starved to death hopefully. 160 00:08:55,130 --> 00:08:56,460 I don't know. 161 00:08:57,910 --> 00:09:00,760 He never stayed with any of them for very long. 162 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,370 And when she told him that she thought 163 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:06,920 that you had an eating disorder, did he take her seriously? 164 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:11,010 - I don't know. - Did he try to get you to eat more? 165 00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:14,020 He likes me for myself, 166 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,110 And he loves how I look. 167 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,020 He said if the whole gymnastics thing doesn't work out, 168 00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:21,170 He can get me a job as a model... 169 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,910 Like that. 170 00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,110 So how do you feel about your weight? 171 00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,150 I love it. 172 00:09:31,790 --> 00:09:33,550 I like being light and thin. 173 00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:38,670 I like feeling I could just slip away through a crack in the door if I had to. 174 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,720 Can you think of a time when you used your... 175 00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:46,560 lightness, as you call it, to slip away? 176 00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:50,250 I'm describing a feeling. Don't be so literal. 177 00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:51,960 Okay. Fair enough. 178 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,970 Can you think of a time then when you thought, 179 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,130 "I wish I could just slip away"? 180 00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:00,180 How about right now? 181 00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:06,300 That party where the boy took you into the... 182 00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:09,400 Into the bedroom. Didn't you want to slip away then? 183 00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:12,720 I was trashed. 184 00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:18,990 - You don't get it. - What don't I get? 185 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,710 The slipping away thing. 186 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,910 It's a girl thing, 187 00:10:25,310 --> 00:10:27,910 The wanting to be liked. 188 00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:31,520 To be there, but not to be there. It's like... 189 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,840 - Can we talk about something else? - Finish the thought. 190 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,380 I wanna talk about something else. 191 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:43,560 What would you like to talk about then? 192 00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:48,230 How's your daughter? 193 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:50,350 Rosie? She's... 194 00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:53,020 She's fine, thank you. 195 00:10:53,340 --> 00:10:55,360 Is she still with that fucked-up guy? 196 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,480 Do you really want to talk about my daughter 197 00:10:57,650 --> 00:11:00,600 or are you just trying to make me uncomfortable? 198 00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,040 I don't wanna talk about her if you don't. 199 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,750 Why wouldn't I? 200 00:11:08,270 --> 00:11:09,850 You never mention her. 201 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:19,670 After you left last week, I couldn't help thinking, 202 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,090 about how you didn't tell me that your dad was in Miami. 203 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:24,970 We're back to that? 204 00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:28,220 So he still doesn't know about your attempted suicide? 205 00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,160 I don't wanna talk about this. 206 00:11:30,330 --> 00:11:32,410 Is it something you wanna keep a secret from him? 207 00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,270 It's not a fucking secret! 208 00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:37,170 How can it be a secret if that's all you and my mom 209 00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:39,280 and everyone else can talk about? 210 00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:53,040 What are you thinking about? 211 00:11:53,210 --> 00:11:54,220 Nothing. 212 00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:58,350 I've a test tomorrow I have to study for and I missed 213 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,010 my dentist appointment today, so I have to reschedule that. 214 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,340 I think you're running away. 215 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,510 What? 216 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,400 In your mind, you're planning your schedule. 217 00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:09,470 We get close to something 218 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,780 that feels dangerous to you, 219 00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,480 And what do you do? You retreat. 220 00:12:14,870 --> 00:12:16,420 I'm not retreating. 221 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:19,120 I'm stressed about the exam, I think I have a cavity, 222 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,980 and I have a stomachache from that fucking pizza. 223 00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:23,450 What a mistake that was. 224 00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:27,440 I have a theory about that pizza. 225 00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:28,990 Surprise, surprise. 226 00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:31,370 Would you like to hear it? 227 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,000 - Do I have a choice? - Yeah. You always have a choice. 228 00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,600 What's your theory? 229 00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:43,050 I think that you were enjoying that pizza. 230 00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,960 Until I said something that reminded you 231 00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:49,470 of something your father's girlfriend used to say to you. 232 00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:53,060 I used the word gusto. 233 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:55,820 Are you saying I'm fucked up about food 234 00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:58,220 because of something my father's girlfriend said? 235 00:12:58,390 --> 00:13:00,200 Are you fucked up about food? 236 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:01,730 Isn't everybody? 237 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,120 What does food mean to you? 238 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:11,540 - What do you mean? - Is it nutrition, is it enjoyment? 239 00:13:12,170 --> 00:13:13,040 What? 240 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,910 It's the enemy. 241 00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,500 It's just what happens to gymnasts. 242 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,790 Why didn't you tell me your father was in Miami? 243 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,070 - Why was it a secret? - It's not a fucking secret. 244 00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:32,270 I just don't think I need to bother him with every boring detail of my life. 245 00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:34,600 Your attempted suicide is a boring detail? 246 00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:38,600 It's not a suicide attempt. I was just testing. Remember? 247 00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:41,530 Somebody around here had that theory, I think. 248 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,280 Yeah, that rings a bell. 249 00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:51,570 He'd put it together and decide that it's all your fault. 250 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:54,390 He already thinks you're a quack, remember? 251 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,870 It's better for you if he doesn't know. He'll never let me come back here. 252 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,460 Better for you or for me? 253 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,630 Which of us would have to stay away from therapy, do you think? 254 00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:05,310 If he knew, he'd be devastated. 255 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:10,040 He is the most important person to me in this whole world. 256 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,270 I don't ever wanna hurt him. 257 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,690 Why can't you just let it go? 258 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,320 Forget it. 259 00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:20,480 This is such a waste of time. 260 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:22,660 You tried to kill yourself. 261 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:26,280 And you don't want to tell the most important person in your world? 262 00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,740 He has a life! 263 00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:29,680 Somebody has to. 264 00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:32,010 We can't all go around like walking corpses. 265 00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:34,200 It's not his fault that I took those pills! 266 00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:37,140 I'm not saying it is his fault, I'm just trying to figure out 267 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,210 why you were so ready to leave the planet and not tell him. 268 00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:41,750 What's up your ass? 269 00:14:42,010 --> 00:14:44,960 - Are you angry at him for something? - I'm not angry at him. 270 00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:48,430 - Are you hiding something from me? - Get off my back! 271 00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:58,560 Are we done? 272 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,080 We have a little time left. 273 00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:11,770 What? 274 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,240 You've never wanted to end a session early before. 275 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,240 In our first session you mentioned those books up there. 276 00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:04,060 I thought it was because you identified with them. You said they were... 277 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,940 cold and lonely on the top shelf. 278 00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:10,760 And then I looked at them more closely and I realized that 279 00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:12,350 one of them has... 280 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,590 some of your father's photographs in it. 281 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,490 You said that your dad 282 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,070 loves the way that you look. 283 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,860 And that... 284 00:16:26,210 --> 00:16:29,070 if you weren't a gymnast, that you could be a model. 285 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,930 I guess models are the people that he... 286 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,250 That he chooses to surround himself with, 287 00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:39,220 the people he likes. 288 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:52,460 They're the people he fucks. I wouldn't say he likes them. 289 00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,940 I know that in our culture thin models... 290 00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:03,160 are sexualized, but I've always found that really strange, 291 00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:05,640 because in classical art and literature, 292 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:08,960 eating is often used as a metaphor for sex. 293 00:17:09,870 --> 00:17:11,400 They both conjure up 294 00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:13,130 desire, hunger, 295 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:15,230 cravings inside us. 296 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,290 Where are you going, Sophie? 297 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:22,640 Sophie, try to stay here, please. 298 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,290 Try not to disappear. 299 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:27,880 Eat shit, Paul. 300 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,200 Why are you doing this? 301 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,010 I thought you were trying to help. 302 00:17:36,770 --> 00:17:40,070 Why does the book provoke such a strong reaction in you? 303 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,990 What you're doing is sick. 304 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,370 It's fucking sick! It's perverted. 305 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,510 - I'll never forgive you for this. - Why? 306 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,230 Because I'm making you uncomfortable? 307 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,900 I'm asking you to think about things that you don't want to talk about. 308 00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,190 If I wanted to talk about my father's book, 309 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,610 I would have told you, it was right there. 310 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:02,870 What about all that crap about a patient deciding what we talk about? 311 00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:04,950 That you take things at my speed, 312 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:08,040 that I control the wheels and all that? You're so full of shit. 313 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,880 But you have been driving what we talk about here. 314 00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,170 You may not realize it, but you have. 315 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:16,670 The very first thing that you wanted to talk about were those books up there. 316 00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:20,760 What are you saying? That you jerk off to my father's photographs? 317 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:24,490 That you open up that book and jerk off all over those sluts? 318 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:28,590 You keep suggesting somebody is abusing me. You're abusing me! 319 00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:33,140 That's what you people love most of all, isn't it? A good mindfuck. 320 00:18:33,310 --> 00:18:35,440 To take the one good thing in somebody's life 321 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:37,100 and somehow fuck it up! 322 00:18:37,270 --> 00:18:39,230 Just like my father said. 323 00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:46,080 Shut the fuck up about him! 324 00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:54,270 How could you? 325 00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:57,260 How could you? You're just like everybody else! 326 00:18:58,600 --> 00:18:59,680 Like who, Sophie? 327 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,850 Please, don't go. 328 00:19:42,910 --> 00:19:44,430 Why did you do that? 329 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,080 You mean why did I take the book down? 330 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,020 Because I had to. 331 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,840 I had to put the book on the table. 332 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:02,270 And there was really no graceful way of doing it. 333 00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:07,610 I think this book is connected to your wound. 334 00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:11,860 And opening a wound, Sophie... 335 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,410 is frightening. 336 00:20:15,410 --> 00:20:16,920 It's painful. 337 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,940 And it's ugly. 338 00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:30,450 You implied that I'd been sexually abused. 339 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,230 Is that what you heard? 340 00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:35,570 I never said anything like that. 341 00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:40,710 This book with the... 342 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,370 with the naked models. 343 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,010 You wanted me to see that. 344 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:54,000 You know what I think? 345 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,670 I think you're angry. 346 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:03,590 I think you've got great anger towards your father. 347 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,840 You said earlier on that you wished that 348 00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:11,380 you could slip through the cracks when you wanted to, 349 00:21:11,550 --> 00:21:14,730 but you don't do that when you're in trouble. Not really. 350 00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:17,140 Your mind tries to, but your body, 351 00:21:17,790 --> 00:21:19,360 your body stays here. 352 00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:22,390 You let others do things to you, 353 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:25,450 because you've convinced yourself that... 354 00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:28,650 That you're not really there. 355 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,890 That it's not happening to you. 356 00:21:35,830 --> 00:21:37,210 That it's not hurting you. 357 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,150 I'm sure this week you'll exercise like a fiend. 358 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,170 And not because you're an Olympic hopeful. 359 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,920 But because I know that after this session, you're gonna want 360 00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:52,640 to regain control. 361 00:21:54,970 --> 00:21:57,580 But I want you to remember something, Sophie. 362 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,860 When you go up onto that beam, 363 00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:04,100 that's the place where you detach. 364 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:06,780 That's where you go to feel safe. 365 00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:12,280 All I want you to know is you don't have to go there. 366 00:22:13,210 --> 00:22:15,950 There are other places where you can feel safe. 367 00:22:17,380 --> 00:22:18,960 In here, in this room. 368 00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:22,740 It's one of those places.