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Previously on In Treatment...
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He threatened to kill me.
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- You're smiling.
- I've had patients over the years
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whose lives were threatened.
You brought this up like it was nothing.
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- Did you mean that literally?
- Of course not!
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I'm not gonna fucking kill her.
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I want a divorce.
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I haven't slept in like a week.
I can't sleep, I can't eat.
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I don't know what to do.
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I really...
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I don't want you to leave me.
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Got it.
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Great.
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Great.
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Right. Got it, thanks.
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- I'm a little early. I hope it's okay.
- That's okay.
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Can you just give me a few minutes?
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- Sure.
- Thanks.
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In Treatment 129 - Week 6
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Transcript: FRM.
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Synchro VO: michvanilly, Anyone.
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I'm just gonna close the curtains.
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How are you, Amy?
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Good.
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You seem a little...
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restless.
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I wanted to get here early.
I just... I rushed a little.
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Why would you rush
to be here early?
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Well, one of us
is often late, so...
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I don't know.
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Jake's not coming.
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Don't worry, we're together.
Everything's fine.
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We're seemingly in love,
and he knows that I'm here
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and it's fine for him to know
everything that we talk about.
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I have to tell you,
I was offended...
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Outside, just now.
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I know I'm an adult and you have things
that I don't need to see or hear
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but I felt like a scolded child.
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It... never mind. It's crazy.
It's not you, it's me.
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I don't know what's gotten into me,
but I felt a little embarrassed
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because I'd already stood up
and you suddenly stopped me.
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00:03:04,522 --> 00:03:06,763
Patients you have
a different relationship with.
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I know Jake and I aren't easy,
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and I just think you must have...
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Easier patients,
more interesting patients,
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patients that are more fun,
that you like more.
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Is my enjoyment of our sessions
important to you?
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Maybe.
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And so it would bother you
if I didn't enjoy them?
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Maybe not.
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Forget it.
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You said that Jake and you...
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Weren't easy as patients.
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How would you define
yourself as a patient?
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Bad.
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Just kidding.
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I wouldn't trade places
with anyone. It just...
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I don't know.
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Have you ever thought about
changing places with anybody?
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- Perhaps.
- Who would you like to trade with?
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What kind of a patient
would you like to be?
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Maybe I want you to be different.
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Me? Different how?
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I don't know.
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Harrison Ford.
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That's a bit of a stretch for me,
but...
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So how would Dr. Harrison Ford behave
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if you were early for a session?
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Who says I'd be seeing him
for therapy?
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He certainly wouldn't make me wait
outside like a naughty schoolgirl.
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So you felt that was like
some kind of rejection?
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OK. So...
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Why don't you tell me
what's been happening
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since I saw you last week.
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Everything's fine, like I told you.
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You said that you and Jake
were "seemingly in love."
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What does that mean?
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"Seemingly in love"...
I said that, didn't I?
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Typical. Everything's fine.
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Why is that typical?
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Today, he's meeting a guy
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that might commission
some music from him.
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You make it sound like you don't think
that's going to happen.
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And he said to me
that I should come here on my own,
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that talking does me good. It's not like
Jake to send me here alone, is it?
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You've turned him into
the new and improved Jake,
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the new sensitive Jake.
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You could cut the mutual support
this week with a knife.
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"You look great.
Your makeup looks good."
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"You'll be working late?
That's fine. Good luck."
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The other day,
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before a meeting,
he actually said to me: "Go get 'em!"
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isn't that funny?
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Why is it funny?
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It is so...
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sweet.
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And sweet isn't good?
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Sweet's fattening.
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And then two days ago he said to me:
"Would you like to have sex with me?"
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Would I like to have sex with him?
Can you believe it?
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It's like he was offering
me a canapé.
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And then he kept wanting
to kiss me and touch me
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and be all loving and affectionate.
He kept saying,
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"do you like this? Does this feel good?"
It actually got very tiresome.
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And at the end, when he was through,
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I found myself patting him on the back
like I was burping a baby,
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and kept whispering my name, "Amy, Amy."
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It was such a turnoff.
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And why was that such a turnoff?
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It was just so...
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So...
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So what, Amy?
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Is it worse than whispering "I'm gonna
kill you" in your ear?
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Much worse.
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God, all that tenderness.
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Not your cup of tea.
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Why not?
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You know what?
Sex like that is terrible.
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What we need is angry sex.
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That's what we had,
it held us together.
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Even when we wanted to kill
each other, we had that,
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maybe because
we wanted to kill each other.
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This touchy-feely sex
wasn't the deal.
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You know, the kind of sex
we used to have,
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I couldn't even tell my girlfriends.
They wouldn't have believed me,
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or else they'd call social services
and have Jake arrested.
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Now it's like he's had a lobotomy
or like he's brain-dead.
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Only he's not brain-dead,
he's just a terrible fuck.
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It's your fault.
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- It's my fault?
- The man in touch with himself.
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God, might be better
if he knocked me around a bit.
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You really think that'd be better?
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I don't know.
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Maybe I deserve it.
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How do you like my necklace, by the way?
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I think it's...
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It's very nice.
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It's a gift.
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- From Jake?
- A Bulgari from Jake?
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It's from Ben.
Do you remember Ben, my boss?
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I told Jake that I'd be going back
to the office tonight
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because I have a conference call
with some clients in Bali.
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I also told him that Ben was traveling,
but the truth is
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Ben is picking me up from here and we're
not going back to the office.
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Where are you going?
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00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:10,402
Wherever the evening takes us.
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00:09:10,522 --> 00:09:12,347
What do you think of that?
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00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,644
- What, dinner with your boss?
- It won't be dinner.
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00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:21,872
It might include dinner,
but there's no stopping the rest of it.
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00:09:26,786 --> 00:09:28,438
Why can't it be stopped?
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Do you want me to stop it?
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It won't do any good.
I know it'll happen.
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Ben and I are inevitable. The minute
that the thought entered my head,
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it was as if somebody had triggered
a ticking time-bomb.
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Nothing will stop it, no matter how many
bomb experts I bring in.
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You can't stop it, no one can.
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So, who triggered the time bomb?
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The lousy sex.
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I was in the shower...
By the way, it's the first time
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I've been in a hurry to get
in the shower after fucking Jake.
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And it dawned on me
that no matter what I do...
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- Something'll happen with him.
- So are you punishing Jake
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for the bad sex
or because of this new...
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This new tenderness, this new...
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Attentiveness that he's shown?
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Why am I doing this?
Why can't I stop?
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- You haven't done anything yet.
- But he'll be here in a minute.
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00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,059
Do you like this guy?
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He's a prick, but it's...
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It's like I need...
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You need what?
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00:10:52,473 --> 00:10:54,523
The Employee-Of-the-Month award.
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00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,354
The Office-Slut award.
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I'd like to go back to something that
we touched on last week.
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You... You said that you were...
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That you were overweight
when you were a child.
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That really captured
your imagination, didn't it?
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00:11:23,912 --> 00:11:26,816
I think it's something
that we should talk about.
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00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:29,296
I know you said
it didn't bother you,
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but you did say something
about children being cruel.
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00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,743
Well, I was fat.
Not overweight, fat.
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My sister was the overweight one.
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I'm kidding. My sister's gorgeous.
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It's really hard for me to believe
that you actually ever were...
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This overweight kid.
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It's like you've erased that girl.
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00:11:57,928 --> 00:12:00,878
Right after my father died,
I decided to stop eating.
190
00:12:01,806 --> 00:12:04,061
It's like I woke up 45 pounds thinner.
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00:12:04,301 --> 00:12:07,898
- How do you wake up 45 pounds thinner?
- I just didn't eat.
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00:12:08,138 --> 00:12:11,537
And I felt like it was the one thing
that I could control in that house.
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00:12:11,657 --> 00:12:14,136
Some days I'd just have
one cracker all day long
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and I'd feel my stomach get flatter
and I'd have this wonderful sense
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of light-headedness,
this wonderful high.
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What?
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00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,217
Doesn't matter.
198
00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,227
No, go on, finish the thought.
199
00:12:40,787 --> 00:12:44,786
My father was a lovely man.
Sweet, charming. I loved him very much.
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00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,566
And your mother?
201
00:12:51,474 --> 00:12:52,902
My mother's dead.
202
00:12:58,347 --> 00:13:00,958
You know the joke about the farmer
with the two cows?
203
00:13:01,078 --> 00:13:03,766
The one cow gives milk
and the other one doesn't?
204
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:09,668
Never mind.
Anyway, my dad died when I was 13.
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00:13:10,069 --> 00:13:12,671
My mother's rather
like Cinderella's stepmother,
206
00:13:12,911 --> 00:13:15,474
and my sister
is like the evil stepsister.
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00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,385
Once, when I was 13...
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00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,554
My parents came back from Milan
with two identical dresses,
209
00:13:20,794 --> 00:13:22,424
very very beautiful ones.
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00:13:22,544 --> 00:13:24,777
A red one for Maria, my sister,
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00:13:25,174 --> 00:13:26,799
and a blue one for me.
212
00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:29,174
Mine, of course, didn't fit me.
213
00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:31,291
So, my mother told her
to switch with me
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00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,612
because she was older
and hers was slightly bigger.
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00:13:33,732 --> 00:13:36,184
She, of course, didn't want to,
so she started screaming
216
00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:40,303
and said she wanted the red dress,
it's not her fault that I'm so fat.
217
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:44,442
And finally, she threw the dress at me
and said: "Then take it, fatso."
218
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:46,105
So I started crying.
219
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:48,964
And my mother said:
"What are you crying for now?
220
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:51,328
"You should be glad
your sister's dress fits you
221
00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:54,787
"and that she agreed to trade dresses.
You should thank her."
222
00:13:54,907 --> 00:13:57,758
Later, I heard my parents arguing
and my dad said to my mom:
223
00:13:57,998 --> 00:14:00,990
"Why didn't you just get them
the same color dress?"
224
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:04,401
And my mother started whispering,
she said: "I can't buy her red, she..."
225
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:08,198
I couldn't hear her properly then.
She seemed like she said: "She looks...
226
00:14:08,318 --> 00:14:11,379
"like a watermelon in it.", or:
"She'd look like a fire truck in it.",
227
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:14,088
or: "She'd look like a beach ball.",
or...
228
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,231
I couldn't hear what she said.
229
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,796
So did you ever talk to your dad
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00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:35,171
about what you might have heard?
231
00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:39,250
No, I never got a chance.
232
00:14:42,941 --> 00:14:45,514
So could you have talked
to your mom about it?
233
00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:50,269
Why not?
234
00:14:51,609 --> 00:14:55,076
She'd say that I was making things up.
That's what she said
235
00:14:55,196 --> 00:14:58,652
to most of my complaints.
She used to call me "the fabricator".
236
00:14:59,128 --> 00:15:02,600
I had a very vivid imagination.
I used to make things up.
237
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,800
Once, I told her
that I saw my sister kissing
238
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,779
the gardener behind the house.
239
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:10,122
She went ballistic.
She nearly had a coronary.
240
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,835
You know, once,
Maria had a blind date,
241
00:15:15,075 --> 00:15:18,216
and before he got there, she said:
"Let's play a trick on him."
242
00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:21,337
And she told me to open the door
and pretend that I was her.
243
00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:23,412
And she'd watch
from the room next door,
244
00:15:23,532 --> 00:15:25,891
and if she didn't like him,
she wouldn't come out
245
00:15:26,011 --> 00:15:29,277
and I could pretend
that I was sick and cancel the date.
246
00:15:29,397 --> 00:15:32,141
So when I opened the door,
he was really cute.
247
00:15:32,261 --> 00:15:34,839
And I thought
she'd be interested in him.
248
00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:37,364
So I kept talking to him,
249
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,880
and pretending to be her
and chatting away.
250
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,322
She finally came out from the other room
and said: "Hi, I'm Maria."
251
00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:48,219
And he was completely confused,
and I was...
252
00:15:48,894 --> 00:15:52,208
utterly humiliated.
I went so red. Actually,
253
00:15:52,629 --> 00:15:55,833
I still get embarrassed
when I think about it today, and...
254
00:15:56,074 --> 00:15:58,587
And she told him I was just
checking out her dates for her
255
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:01,109
and that at it was all just a joke.
256
00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:08,551
The thing is, I didn't get the joke.
I mean, not till years later.
257
00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:10,857
I didn't realize till then,
258
00:16:10,977 --> 00:16:14,017
that all she really wanted was to see
the look of relief on his face
259
00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:17,538
when he realized that she was his date,
not me, the fatso.
260
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,926
Hilarious, right?
261
00:16:25,104 --> 00:16:27,614
Don't worry,
I got back at her years later.
262
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,531
I met him at college
and I fucked his brains out.
263
00:16:30,651 --> 00:16:33,595
I told her that he didn't remember her
and I'd had to remind him.
264
00:16:33,715 --> 00:16:36,662
And she said: "Whatever, I dumped him
after two dates anyway."
265
00:16:36,782 --> 00:16:40,781
And I said: "He told me he dumped you
because you smelled like tuna."
266
00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:43,978
And is that true?
267
00:16:45,624 --> 00:16:48,262
So really,
you settled that account in bed.
268
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,299
I did indeed.
269
00:16:58,129 --> 00:17:02,049
And now you're settling another account
in bed, with Jake this time.
270
00:17:02,628 --> 00:17:05,546
What, because he's become
too sensitive for you?
271
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:20,279
So let me make sure I have this right.
272
00:17:21,728 --> 00:17:23,811
Your father died when you were 13.
273
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,426
You must have been pretty devastated.
274
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:30,163
I was.
275
00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:34,477
He was a lovely man.
He was affectionate and great.
276
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,316
Physically affectionate?
277
00:17:45,782 --> 00:17:49,373
He'd come into our room at night,
when we were sleeping and...
278
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,240
kiss us on the eyes.
279
00:17:53,484 --> 00:17:56,898
And then I'd half wake up,
I'd smell his aftershave
280
00:17:57,018 --> 00:17:58,884
and know that he was there.
281
00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:03,121
And then he'd whisper in my ear
that he loved me and...
282
00:18:04,193 --> 00:18:06,734
He'd hold my face in his hands.
283
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:09,999
He had these huge hands,
like a construction worker.
284
00:18:12,343 --> 00:18:13,698
And he was just...
285
00:18:13,943 --> 00:18:14,783
So...
286
00:18:16,506 --> 00:18:17,954
Tender and lovely.
287
00:18:27,535 --> 00:18:29,873
And yet, when Jake is tender
288
00:18:29,993 --> 00:18:33,200
and he expresses his love through
tenderness, it makes you angry.
289
00:18:35,561 --> 00:18:37,663
You said it was "disgusting".
290
00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:42,936
Do you think that might be
because it scares you?
291
00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:46,411
You've learned you can't trust people
who express themselves
292
00:18:46,531 --> 00:18:48,524
tenderly, that they seem weak?
293
00:18:50,475 --> 00:18:53,220
That they're going to abandon you,
die and leave you behind?
294
00:18:54,141 --> 00:18:58,046
And so in order to avoid that,
you provoke Jake. You make him angry.
295
00:18:58,166 --> 00:19:01,668
You create these situations
that bring out the worst in him
296
00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:03,519
and he treats you badly.
297
00:19:16,210 --> 00:19:18,877
Ben'll be here any minute.
What should I do?
298
00:19:23,672 --> 00:19:26,837
Do you really want me to give you
permission to have sex with your boss?
299
00:19:27,077 --> 00:19:30,612
Once. Just once.
Just tell me it's not that bad.
300
00:19:33,449 --> 00:19:35,262
I think it might be that bad.
301
00:19:35,502 --> 00:19:39,057
But you'll explain him if he finds out.
Can you make sense of it for him?
302
00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:41,393
And what exactly
do you want me to tell him?
303
00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:43,118
That I'm fucked up!
304
00:19:43,238 --> 00:19:45,875
That I can't help myself.
That it's bigger than me.
305
00:19:45,995 --> 00:19:48,525
- Tell him that I'm fucked up!
- So even if he forgives you,
306
00:19:48,765 --> 00:19:51,429
do you think
that you can forgive yourself?
307
00:19:52,362 --> 00:19:54,087
I always forgive myself.
308
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,698
That's my problem.
I... I just close my eyes
309
00:19:58,377 --> 00:20:00,973
before I go to sleep at night
and I ask God for forgiveness
310
00:20:01,093 --> 00:20:02,915
and I forgive myself for everything.
311
00:20:07,715 --> 00:20:09,723
Even the unforgivable things.
312
00:20:10,374 --> 00:20:11,943
I never get punished.
313
00:20:12,999 --> 00:20:15,719
You think that sex with Reeves
will go unpunished?
314
00:20:16,111 --> 00:20:17,680
Who's gonna punish me?
315
00:20:18,307 --> 00:20:21,178
Maybe you've already started
to punish yourself.
316
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,229
Do you really think that sleeping
with Reeves is gonna bring back
317
00:20:25,469 --> 00:20:28,932
the good old reliable angry,
controlling Jake?
318
00:20:29,052 --> 00:20:31,485
The one who fights you
and threatens you?
319
00:20:33,742 --> 00:20:34,965
I don't know.
320
00:20:35,499 --> 00:20:38,150
And now that he's expressing his love
through tenderness,
321
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,953
- do you feel that you deserve his love?
- It's not love!
322
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:46,416
It's neediness. It's weakness.
It's unbearable.
323
00:20:46,656 --> 00:20:48,919
So it's only love if he chases you,
stalks you,
324
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,505
tapes you, is jealous of you,
is that it?
325
00:20:57,035 --> 00:21:00,616
I think you need to look at this
a little more carefully, Amy.
326
00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:10,857
- It's like it's happened already.
- But it hasn't.
327
00:21:11,098 --> 00:21:13,070
You still have a choice.
328
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:15,909
Nothing happens without you.
329
00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:29,332
I have to go to the bathroom.
330
00:21:58,849 --> 00:22:00,982
Hi, it's Jake. Leave a message.
331
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:03,561
Hey, Jake, it's me.
332
00:22:05,627 --> 00:22:07,575
It's nothing important.
I just thought
333
00:22:07,695 --> 00:22:10,843
I might catch you.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
334
00:22:12,544 --> 00:22:14,223
Okay, talk to you later.