1
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Previously on In Treatment.

2
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He threatened to kill me.

3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,194
You're smiling.

4
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,674
I've had patients
who've had their lives threatened.

5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,836
You just brought this up like it was nothing.

6
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,991
- Did you mean that literally, Jake?
- Of course not! I'm not gonna fucking kill her.

7
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,550
I want a divorce. (Sighs)

8
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,957
I haven't slept in, like, a week.
L-I can't sleep, I can't eat.

9
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,274
I don't know what to do.

10
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,958
I really...

11
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I don't want you to leave me.

12
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,553
Mm-hm.

13
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,953
Got it.

14
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,558
Great.

15
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,838
Great.

16
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,155
Right. Got it, thanks.

17
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- Ah, hello.
- Hi. I'm a little early. I hope that's OK.

18
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,191
That's OK. Can you, uh,
can you just give me a few minutes?

19
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,272
- Sure.
- Thanks.

20
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,112
I'm just gonna close the curtains.

21
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How are you, Amy?

22
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,274
Good.

23
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You seem a little, uh, restless.

24
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,153
Oh! I wanted to get here early.
I rushed a little.

25
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,953
- Why would you rush to be here early?
- Well, one of us is often late, so...

26
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I don't know.

27
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,440
- Jake's not coming.
- Oh.

28
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,277
Don't worry, we're together.

29
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,356
Everything's fine.

30
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,152
We're seemingly in love.

31
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,035
And he knows that I'm here and it's fine
for him to know everything that we talk about.

32
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I have to tell you.
I was offended... outside, just now.

33
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,755
I know I'm an adult and you have things
that I don't need to see or hear,

34
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,109
but I felt like a scolded child.

35
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Never mind. It's crazy. It's not you, it's me.
I don't know what's gotten into me.

36
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,437
I felt a little embarrassed because
I'd already stood up and you stopped me.

37
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,357
Well, I certainly apologise if I...

38
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,075
Are there patients that you would've let in
even if they arrived early?

39
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,634
Patients that you have
a different relationship with.

40
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,513
I know Jake and I aren't easy and...

41
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,314
I just think you must have easier patients,
more interesting patients,

44
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Maybe.

45
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,959
And so, it would bother you
if I didn't enjoy them?

46
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,271
Maybe not.

47
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,514
Forget it.

48
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,835
Hm.

49
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,668
You said that Jake and you, uh,
weren't easy as patients.

50
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,473
H-How would you define yourself as a patient?

51
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,317
Bad.

52
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,032
(She laughs)

53
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,798
Just kidding.

54
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,752
I wouldn't trade places with anyone.
It's just... (Sighs)

55
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,552
I don't know.

56
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,670
Have you ever thought about
changing places with anybody?

57
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,754
- Perhaps.
- Who would you like to trade with?

58
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,678
What kind of a patient would you like to be?

59
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,192
- Maybe I want you to be different.
- Me? Different? How?

60
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,073
I don't know. Harrison Ford.

61
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,997
OK.

62
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,553
That's a bit of a stretch for me but, um, OK.

63
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,033
(They laugh)

64
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,751
So how would Dr Harrison Ford behave
if you were early for a session?

65
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,951
Who says I'd be seeing him for therapy?

66
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,718
(Laughs)

67
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,673
He certainly wouldn't make me wait outside
like a naughty schoolgirl.

68
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,359
So you felt that was
like some kind of rejection?

69
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:39,869
Mm-mm.

70
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,276
OK, so, um...

71
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:57,759
Why don't you tell me what's been happening
since I saw you last week?

72
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,554
Everything's fine, like I told you.

73
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:10,068
You said that you and Jake were, um,
were "seemingly in love."

74
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,473
What does that mean?

75
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,909
"Seemingly in love".
I said that, didn't I? Typical.

76
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,599
- Everything's fine.
- Why is that typical?

77
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:28,271
He's meeting today with some guy
that might commission some music from him.

78
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,993
Sounds like you don't think
it's going to happen.

79
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,510
He said to me that I should come here
on my own, that talking does me good.

80
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,120
It's not like Jake to send me here alone, is it?

81
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,118
You've turned him into
the new and improved Jake,

82
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,912
the new sensitive Jake.

83
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,988
You could cut the mutual support
this week with a knife.

84
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"You look great.
Your make-up looks good.

85
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,714
"You'll be working late?
That's fine. Good luck."

86
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,352
The other day... (Laughs)

87
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,472
...before a meeting,
he actually said to me, "Go get 'em!"

88
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,919
(Laughs) Isn't that funny?

89
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,799
Why is it funny?

90
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,832
It's just so...

91
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,233
sweet.

92
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,748
And sweet isn't good?

93
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,870
Sweet's fattening.

94
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,559
And then two days ago he said to me,
"Would you like to have sex with me?"

95
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,798
Would I like to have sex with him?
It's like he was offering me a canapé.

96
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:24,396
Then he kept wanting to kiss me and touch
me and... be all loving and affectionate.

97
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,069
He kept saying, "Do you like this?
Does this feel good?" It actually got tiresome.

98
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,792
And at the end, when he was through,

99
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,513
I found myself patting him on the back
like I was burping a baby,

100
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,199
and he kept whispering my name,
"Amy, Amy."

101
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,117
Such a turn-off.

102
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,720
Why was that such a turn-off?

103
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,751
It was just so...

104
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,229
So... So what, Amy?

105
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,190
Is it worse than whispering
"I'm gonna kill you" in your ear?

106
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,950
Much worse.
God, all that tenderness.

107
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,400
- Not your cup of tea?
- No.

108
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,991
Why not?

109
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,395
You know what?
Sex like that is terrible.

110
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,035
What we need is angry sex.
That's what we had.

111
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,117
That's what held us together
even when we wanted to kill each other.

112
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:33,349
Probably because we wanted to kill each
other. This touchy-feely sex wasn't the deal.

113
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,914
The kind of sex we used to have,
I couldn't even tell my girlfriends about it,

114
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,916
nobody would have believed me.

115
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,554
Or else they'd call social services
and have Jake arrested.

116
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Now it's like he's had a lobotomy
or like he's braindead.

117
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Only he's not braindead,
he's just a terrible fuck. It's your fault.

118
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,869
- It's my fault?
- The man in touch with himself.

119
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God, might be better if he...
knocked me around a bit.

120
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,350
You really think that'd be better?

121
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,350
I don't know.

122
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,755
Maybe I deserve it.

123
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,036
How do you like my necklace, by the way?

124
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,797
I think it's...

125
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,034
It's very nice.

126
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,989
It's a gift.

127
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,151
- From Jake?
- A Bulgari from Jake?

128
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,590
No, it's from Ben.
Do you remember Ben, my boss?

129
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:30,914
Oh, yes. Mm-hm.

130
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,875
I told Jake that
I'd be going back to the office tonight

131
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because I have a conference call
with some clients in Bali.

132
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,995
I also told him that Ben was travelling.

133
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,873
But the truth is
Ben is picking me up from here

134
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,229
and we're not going back to the office.

135
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,068
Where are you going?

136
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:56,355
Wherever the evening takes us.
What do you think of that?

137
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,429
- What, dinner with your boss?
- It won't be dinner.

138
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,473
Well, it might include dinner,
but there's no stopping the rest of it.

139
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,640
Why can't it be stopped?

140
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,548
Do you want me to stop it?

141
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,319
It won't do any good.
I know it'll happen.

142
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,511
Ben and I are inevitable.
The minute that the thought entered my head,

143
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:34,074
it was as if somebody had triggered
a ticking time bomb.

144
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,192
Nothing will stop it,
no matter how many bomb experts I bring in.

145
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,515
You can't stop it, no one can.

146
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,950
So, who triggered the time bomb?

147
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,514
(Sighs) The lousy sex.
I was in the shower...

148
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:50,236
By the way, it's the first time I've ever been
in a hurry to shower after fucking Jake.

149
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:54,398
It dawned on me that no matter what I do,
something's gonna happen with him.

150
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:59,514
So are you punishing Jake for the bad sex
or because of this new...

151
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:03,519
this new tenderness, this new...
attentiveness that he's shown?

152
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,349
- Why am I doing this? Why can't I stop?
- You haven't done anything yet, Amy.

153
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,550
But he'll be here in a minute.

154
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,559
So you like this guy?

155
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,635
Ben?

156
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,910
He's a prick. But it's...

157
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,910
(Sighs) It's like I need...

158
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:26,955
(Sighs)

159
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,677
You need what?

160
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,709
(Sighs)

161
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,397
The employee of the month award.

162
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,000
The office slut award.

163
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:54,593
I, um, I'd like to go back to something
that we touched on last week.

164
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,279
Y-You said that you were, um...

165
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,198
that you were overweight
when you were a child.

166
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,310
That really captured your imagination.

167
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,318
I think it's something
that we should talk about.

168
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,635
I know you said it didn't bother you but...

169
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,752
you did say something
about children being cruel.

170
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,677
Well, I was fat.

171
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,950
Not overweight, fat.

172
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,514
My sister was the overweight one.

173
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,472
I'm kidding. My sister's gorgeous.

174
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:29,079
It's really hard for me to believe that
you actually ever were... this overweight kid.

175
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,680
It's like you've erased that girl.

176
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,749
Right after my father died,
I decided to stop eating.

177
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,030
It's like I woke up 45Ib thinner.

178
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,709
- How do you wake up 45Ib thinner?
- I just didn't eat.

179
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,070
And I felt like it was the one thing
that I could control in that house.

180
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,193
Some days I'd just have one cracker
all day long and I'd feel my stomach get flatter

181
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,552
and I'd have this wonderful sense of
light-headedness, this wonderful high.

182
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:58,874
(She sighs)

183
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,677
What?

184
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,392
Doesn't matter.

185
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,795
No, go on, finish the thought.

186
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:21,069
My father was a lovely man, sweet, charming.
I loved him very much.

187
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,633
And your mother?

188
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,628
My mother's dead.

189
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,954
(Laughs)

190
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,478
You know the joke about the farmer
with the two cows?

191
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,557
The one cow gives milk
and the other one doesn't?

192
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,433
- No.
- No? Never mind.

193
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,948
Anyway, my dad died when I was 13.

194
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,833
My mother's rather
like Cinderella's stepmother.

195
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,599
And my sister's like the evil stepsister.

196
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,631
Once, when I was 13, um...

197
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:56,071
my parents came back from Milan
with two identical dresses, very beautiful ones.

198
00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:00,830
A red one for Maria, my sister,
and a blue one for me.

199
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,350
Mine, of course, didn't fit me.
So my mother told her to switch with me

200
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,188
because she was older and hers
was slightly bigger. She didn't want to.

201
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,152
So she started screaming and said
she wanted the red dress, it's...

202
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,395
not her fault that I'm so fat and...

203
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,274
finally, she threw the dress at me
and said, "Well, then take it, fatso."

204
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,359
So I started crying. And my mother said,
"What are you crying for now?

205
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,436
"You should be glad that her dress fits you

206
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,189
"and that she agreed to trade dresses.
You should thank her."

207
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,118
Later, I heard my parents arguing
and my dad said to my mom,

208
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,152
"Why didn't you just get
them the same colour dress?"

209
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,272
My mother started whispering,
"I can't buy her red, she..."

210
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,959
I couldn't hear her properly.
It seemed like she said,

211
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,073
"She looks like a watermelon in it,"
or "She'd look like a fire truck in it,"

212
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,714
or "She'd look like a beach ball," or...

213
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,990
I couldn't hear what she said.

214
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,991
So did you ever talk to your dad
about what you might have heard?

215
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,031
No, I never got a chance.

216
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,915
So, could you have... could you have
talked to your mom about it?

217
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:20,474
Why not?

218
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,357
She'd say that I was making things up.

219
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,994
That's what she said...
to most of my complaints.

220
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,508
She used to call me the fabricator.

221
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,155
I had a very vivid imagination.
I used to make things up.

222
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:37,194
Once I told her that I saw my sister kissing
the, uh, the gardener behind the house.

223
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,515
She went ballistic.
She nearly had a coronary.

224
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,037
You know, once Maria had a blind date.

225
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,231
And before he got there,
she said, "Let's play a trick on him."

226
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,192
She told me to open the door
and pretend that I was her.

227
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,958
She'd watch from the room next door

228
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,560
and if she didn't like him,
she wouldn't come out.

229
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,751
I could pretend that
I was sick and cancel the date.

230
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,394
So when I opened the door,
he was really cute.

231
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,193
And I thought she'd be interested in him.

232
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:07,916
So I kept talking to him
and pretending to be her and chatting away.

233
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,350
And finally, she came out from the other room
and said, "Hi, I'm Maria."

234
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:18,316
And he was completely confused,
and I was utterly humiliated.

235
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,956
L-I went so red. I still get embarrassed
when I think about it today and...

236
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,992
she told him that I was just checking out
her dates for her

237
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,600
and that it was all just a joke.

238
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:35,319
The thing is, I didn't get the joke.
I mean, not till years later. L-I...

239
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,078
I didn't realise till then

240
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,510
that all she really wanted
was to see the look of relief on his face

241
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,996
when he realised that she was his date,
not me, the fatso.

242
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,153
Hilarious, right?

243
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,633
(Sighs) Don't worry,
I got back at her years later.

244
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,194
I met him at college
and I fucked his brains out.

245
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,357
I told her that he didn't remember her
and I'd had to remind him.

246
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,472
She said, "Oh, whatever.
I dumped him after two dates anyway."

247
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:06,479
I said, "Oh, he told me that he dumped you
because you smelled like tuna."

248
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,878
- And is that true?
- No.

249
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,639
So really, you settled that account in bed.

250
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,271
I did indeed.

251
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,913
And now you're settling another
account in bed, with Jake this time.

252
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,589
What, because he's become
too sensitive for you?

253
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,312
So, um, so let me make sure I have this right.

254
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,630
- Your father died when you were 13.
- Yes.

255
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,194
You must have been pretty devastated.

256
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,751
I was.

257
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,872
He was a lovely man.
He was affectionate and great.

258
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,034
Physically affectionate?

259
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,631
Yeah.

260
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,513
He'd come into our room at night
when we were sleeping and...

261
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,551
kiss us on the eyes.

262
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,311
And then I'd half wake up
and I'd smell his aftershave

263
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,351
and know that he was there.

264
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,913
Then he'd whisper in my ear
that he loved me and...

265
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,715
he'd hold my face in his hands.

266
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,036
He had these huge hands,
like a construction worker.

267
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,315
He was just so...

268
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,433
tender and lovely.

269
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,950
And yet, when Jake is tender

270
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,276
and he expresses his love through tenderness,
it makes you angry.

271
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,788
You said it was disgusting.

272
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,468
Do you think that might be
because it scares you,

273
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,513
that you've learned you can't trust people
who express themselves tenderly,

274
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,551
that they seem weak?

275
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,230
That they're going to abandon you,
die and leave you behind?

276
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,114
And so in order to avoid that you provoke
Jake, you make him angry.

277
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,357
You create these situations
that bring out the worst in him

278
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,391
and he treats you badly.

279
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,073
Ben'll be here any minute.
What should I do?

280
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,711
Do you really want me to give you permission
to have sex with your boss?

281
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,877
Once. Just once.
Just tell me it's not that bad.

282
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,669
- I think it might be that bad.
- But you'll explain it to Jake if he finds out.

283
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,438
Can you make sense of it for him?

284
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,675
What is it exactly
that you want me to tell him?

285
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,278
That I'm fucked up.

286
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,595
That I can't help myself,
that it's bigger than me.

287
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,232
Just tell him that I'm fucked up.

288
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,398
So even if Jake forgives you,
do you think that you can forgive yourself?

289
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,434
I always forgive myself.

290
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:16,871
That's my problem. L-I just close my eyes
before I go to sleep at night

291
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,310
and I ask God for forgiveness,
and I forgive myself for everything.

292
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:29,191
Even the unforgivable things,
I... never get punished.

293
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,598
Do you think that sex with Reeves
will go unpunished?

294
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,870
Who's gonna punish me?

295
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,799
Well, maybe you've already started
to punish yourself.

296
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,718
Do you really think that sleeping with Reeves
is gonna bring back

297
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,196
the good, old, reliable,
angry, controlling Jake?

298
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,708
The one who fights you and threatens you?

299
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,478
I don't know.

300
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,909
Now that he's expressing his love
through tenderness,

301
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,793
- do you feel that you deserve that love?
- It's not love.

302
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,032
It's neediness. It's weakness.
It's unbearable.

303
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:06,915
So it's only love if he chases you, stalks you,
tapes you, is jealous of you. Is that it?

304
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,519
I think you need to look at this
a little more carefully, Amy.

305
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,479
- It's like it's happened already.
- But it hasn't.

306
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,353
You still have a choice.

307
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,994
Nothing happens without you.

308
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,151
I have to go to the bathroom.

309
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,797
(Phone rings)

310
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,356
Hi, it's Jake.
Leave a message.

311
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,389
(Phone beeps)

312
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,158
Hey, Jake, it's me.

313
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,918
Erm...

314
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,350
It's nothing important.
I just thought I might, uh, catch you.

315
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,356
I just wanted to hear your voice.

316
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,469
(Sighs)

317
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,830
OK, talk to you later. Bye.

318
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,229
English SDH