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Previously on In Treatment...
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He threatened to kill me.
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- You're smiling.
- I've had patients over the years
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whose lives were threatened.
You brought this up like it was nothing.
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- Did you mean that literally?
- Of course not!
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I'm not gonna fucking kill her.
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I want a divorce.
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I haven't slept in like a week.
I can't sleep, I can't eat.
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I don't know what to do.
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I really...
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I don't want you to leave me.
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Got it.
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Great.
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Great.
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Right. Got it, thanks.
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Ha, hello
Hi
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- I'm a little early. I hope it's okay.
- That's okay.
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Can you just give me a few minutes?
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- Sure.
- Thanks.
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In Treatment 129 - Week 6
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Transcript: FRM.
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Synced and corrected by
GhostedNet
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I'm just gonna close the curtains.
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How are you, Amy?
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Good.
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You seem a little...
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restless.
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I wanted to get here early.
I just... I rushed a little.
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Why would you rush
to be here early?
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Well, one of us
is often late, so...
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I don't know.
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Jake's not coming.
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Don't worry, we're together.
Everything's fine.
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We're seemingly in love,
and he knows that I'm here
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and it's fine for him to know
everything that we talk about.
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I have to tell you,
I was offended...
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Outside, just now.
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I know I'm an adult and you have things
that I don't need to see or hear
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but I felt like a scolded child.
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It... never mind. It's crazy.
It's not you, it's me.
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I don't know what's gotten into me,
but I felt a little embarrassed
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that you would've let in
even if they arrived early.
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You know, a patients you have
a different relationship with
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I know Jake and I aren't easy,
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and I just think you must have...
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Easier patients,
more interesting patients,
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patients that are more fun,
Patients that you like more.
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Is my enjoyment of our sessions
important to you?
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Maybe.
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And so it would bother you
if I didn't enjoy them?
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Maybe not.
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Forget it.
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You said that Jake and you...
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Weren't easy as patients.
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How would you define
yourself as a patient?
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Bad.
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Just kidding.
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I wouldn't trade places
with anyone. It just...
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I don't know.
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Have you ever thought about
changing places with anybody?
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- Perhaps.
- Who would you like to trade with?
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What kind of a patient
would you like to be?
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Maybe I want you to be different.
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Me? Different how?
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I don't know.
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Harrison Ford.
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Ok.
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That's a bit of a stretch for me,
but... ok
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So how would Dr. Harrison Ford behave if ...
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you were early for a session?
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Who says I'd be seeing him
for therapy?
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He certainly wouldn't make me wait
outside like a naughty schoolgirl.
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So you felt that was like
some kind of rejection?
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OK. So...
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Why don't you tell me
what's been happening
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since I saw you last week.
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Everything's fine, like I told you.
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You said that you and Jake
were - were "seemingly in love."
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What does that mean?
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"Seemingly in love"...
I said that, didn't I?
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Typical. Everything's fine.
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What what's that typical?
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He's meeting today with some guy
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that mights commission
some music from him.
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You make it sound like you don't think
that's going to happen.
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And he said to me
that I should come here on my own,
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that talking does me good. It's not like
Jake to send me here alone, is it?
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You've turned him into
the new and improved Jake,
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the new sensitive Jake.
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You could cut the mutual support
this week with a knife.
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"You look great.
Your makeup looks good."
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"Oh you'll be working late?
That's fine. Good luck."
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The other day,
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before a meeting,
he actually said to me: "Go get 'em!"
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isn't that funny?
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Why is it funny?
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It is so...
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sweet.
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And sweet isn't good?
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Sweet's fattening.
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And then two days ago he said to me:
"Would you like to have sex with me?"
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Would I like to have sex with him?
Can you believe it?
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It's like he was offering
me a canapé.
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And then he kept wanting
to kiss me and touch me and ...
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be all loving and affectionate.
He kept saying,
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"do you like this? Does this feel good?"
It actually got very tiresome.
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And at the end, when he was through,
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I found myself patting him on the back
like I was burping a baby,
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and kept whispering my name, "Amy, Amy."
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It was such a turnoff.
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And why was that such a turnoff?
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It was just so...
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So...
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So what, Amy?
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Is it worse than whispering "I'm gonna
kill you" in your ear?
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Much worse.
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God, all that tenderness.
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Not your cup of tea.
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No
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Why not?
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You know what?
Sex like that is terrible.
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What we need is angry sex.
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That's what we had,
it held us together.
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Even when we wanted to kill
each other, we had that,
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Probably because
we wanted to kill each other.
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This touchy-feely sex
wasn't the deal.
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You know, the kind of sex
we used to have,
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I couldn't even tell my girlfriends about it.
Nobody wouldn't have believed me,
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or else they'd call social services
and have Jake arrested.
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Now it's like he's had a lobotomy
or like he's brain-dead.
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Only he's not brain-dead,
he's just a terrible fuck.
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It's your fault.
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It's my fault?
- The man in touch with himself.
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God, might be better
if he knocked me around a bit.
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You really think that'd be better?
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I don't know.
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Maybe I deserve it.
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How do you like my necklace, by the way?
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I think it's...
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It's very nice.
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It's a gift.
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- From Jake?
- A Bulgari from Jake? No.
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It's from Ben.
Do you remember Ben, my boss?
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Oh yes.
Um um
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I told Jake that I'd be going back
to the office tonight
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because I have a conference call
with some clients in Bali.
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I also told him that Ben was traveling,
but the truth is
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Ben is picking me up from here and we're
not going back to the office.
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Where are you going?
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Wherever the evening takes us.
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What do you think of that?
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- What, dinner with your boss?
- It won't be dinner.
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Well it might include dinner,
but there's no stopping the rest of it.
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Why can't it be stopped?
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Do you want me to stop it?
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It won't do any good.
I know it'll happen.
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Ben and I are inevitable. The minute
that the thought entered my head,
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it was as if somebody had triggered
a ticking time-bomb.
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Nothing will stop it, no matter how many
bomb experts I bring in.
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You can't stop it, no one can.
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So, who triggered the time bomb?
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The lousy sex.
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I was in the shower...
By the way, it's the first time
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I've been in a hurry to get
in the shower after fucking Jake.
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And it dawned on me
that no matter what I do...
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- Something'll happen with him.
- So are you punishing Jake
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for the bad sex
or because of this new...
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This new tenderness, this new...
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Attentiveness that he's shown?
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Tell me why am I doing this?
Why can't I stop?
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- You haven't done anything yet.
- But he'll be here in a minute.
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Do you like this guy?
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Ben?
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He's a prick, but it's...
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It's like I need...
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You need what?
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The Employee-Of-the-Month award.
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The Office-Slut award.
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I ..., I'd like to go back to something that
we touched on last week.
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You - you -you ... You said that you were...
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That you were overweight
when you were a child.
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That really captured
your imagination, didn't it?
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I think it's something
that we should talk about.
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I know you said
it didn't bother you, but
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you did say something
about children being cruel.
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Well, I was fat.
Not overweight, fat.
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My sister was the overweight one.
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I'm kidding. My sister's gorgeous.
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It's really hard for me to believe
that you actually ever were...
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This overweight kid.
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It's like you've erased that girl.
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Right after my father died,
I decided to stop eating, it's ...
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It's like I woke up 45 pounds thinner.
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- How do you wake up 45 pounds thinner?
- I just didn't eat.
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And I felt like it was the one thing
that I could control in that house.
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Some days I'd just have
one cracker all day long and i'd...
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00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,810
feel my stomach get flatter
and I'd have this wonderful sense
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of light-headedness,
this wonderful high.
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What?
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Doesn't matter.
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00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,370
No, go on, finish the thought.
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My father was a lovely man.
Sweet, charming. I loved him very much.
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And your mother?
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My mother's dead.
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00:12:58,550 --> 00:13:01,100
You know the joke about the farmer
with the two cows?
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The one cow gives milk
and the other one doesn't?
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N ...no.
No?
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00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:09,810
Never mind anyway,
my dad died when I was 13.
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And My mother's rather
like Cinderella's stepmother,
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and my sister
is like the evil stepsister.
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00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,530
Once, when I was 13...
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00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,700
My parents came back from Milan
with two identical dresses,
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very very beautiful ones.
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A red one for Maria, my sister,
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and a blue one for me.
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00:13:27,650 --> 00:13:29,320
Mine, of course, didn't fit me.
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So, my mother told her
to switch with me
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because she was older
and hers was slightly bigger.
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00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,330
She, of course, didn't want to,
so she started screaming
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and said she wanted the red dress,
it's not her fault that I'm so fat.
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00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:44,590
And finally, she threw the dress at me
and said: "Then take it, fatso."
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So I started crying.
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00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:48,900
And my mother said:
"What are you crying for now?
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00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,470
"You should be glad
your sister's dress fits you
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00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,930
"and that she agreed to trade dresses.
You should thank her."
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00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,900
Later, I heard my parents arguing
and my dad said to my mom:
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00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:01,070
"Why didn't you just get them
the same color dress?"
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00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,550
And my mother started whispering,
she said: "I can't buy her red, she..."
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00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,120
I couldn't hear her properly then.
She seemed like she said: "She looks...
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00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:11,520
"like a watermelon in it.", or:
"She'd look like a fire truck in it.",
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00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,230
or: "She'd look like a beach ball.",
or...
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00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,380
I couldn't hear what she said.
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00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,940
So did you ever talk to your dad
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00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,320
about what you might have heard?
237
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:39,400
No, I never got a chance.
238
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,660
So could you have, could you have talked
to your mom about it?
239
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,410
Why not?
240
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:55,220
She'd say that I was making things up.
That's what she said
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00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:58,800
to most of my complaints.
She used to call me "the fabricator".
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00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:02,750
I had a very vivid imagination.
I used to make things up.
243
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,950
Once, I told her
that I saw my sister kissing the a ...
244
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,920
the gardener behind the house.
245
00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:10,270
She went ballistic.
She nearly had a coronary.
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00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:14,980
You know, once,
Maria had a blind date,
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00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:18,360
and before he got there, she said:
"Let's play a trick on him."
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00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:21,480
And she told me to open the door
and pretend that I was her.
249
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,560
And she'd watch
from the room next door,
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00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,040
and if she didn't like him,
she wouldn't come out
251
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,420
and I could pretend
that I was sick and cancel the date.
252
00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:32,290
So when I opened the door,
he was really cute.
253
00:15:32,410 --> 00:15:34,980
And I thought
she'd be interested in him and ...
254
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,510
So I kept talking to him and ...
255
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,030
pretending to be her
and chatting away.
256
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:43,470
She finally came out from the other room
and said: "Hi, I'm Maria."
257
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:48,360
And he was completely confused,
and I was...
258
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:52,350
utterly humiliated.
I went so red. Actually,
259
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:55,980
I still get embarrassed
when I think about it today, and...
260
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,730
she told him I was just
checking out her dates for her
261
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:01,250
and that at it was all just a joke.
262
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,100
The thing is, I didn't get the joke.
I mean, not till years later I ...
263
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,620
I didn't realize till then,
264
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:13,760
that all she really wanted was to see
the look of relief on his face
265
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,740
when he realized that she was his date,
not me, the fatso.
266
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,870
Hilarious, right?
267
00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,360
Don't worry,
I got back at her years later.
268
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:30,680
I met him at college
and I fucked his brains out.
269
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,740
And I told her that he didn't remember her
and I'd had to remind him.
270
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,810
And she said: "Whatever, I dumped him
after two dates anyway."
271
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:40,930
And I said: "He told me he dumped you
because you smelled like tuna."
272
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,120
And is that true?
273
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,460
No.
274
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,410
So really,
you settled that account in bed.
275
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,440
I did indeed.
276
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:02,190
And now you're settling another account
in bed, with Jake this time.
277
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,690
What, because he's become
too sensitive for you?
278
00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:20,420
So let me make sure I have this right.
279
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,310
Your father died when you were 13.
Yes.
280
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,570
You must have been pretty devastated.
281
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:30,310
I was.
282
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:34,620
He was a lovely man.
He was affectionate and great.
283
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:38,460
Physically affectionate?
284
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:43,860
Yeah
285
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:49,520
He'd come into our room at night,
when we were sleeping and...
286
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,390
kiss us on the eyes.
287
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:57,040
And then I'd half wake up,
I'd smell his aftershave
288
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,030
and know that he was there.
289
00:18:00,030 --> 00:18:03,270
And then he'd whisper in my ear
that he loved me and...
290
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,880
He'd hold my face in his hands.
291
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,140
He had these huge hands,
like a construction worker.
292
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:13,840
And he was just...
293
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:14,930
So...
294
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:18,100
Tender and lovely.
295
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:30,020
And yet, when Jake is tender
296
00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:33,350
and he expresses his love through
tenderness, it makes you angry.
297
00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:37,810
You said it was "disgusting".
298
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,080
Do you think that might be
because it scares you?
299
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,560
You've learned you can't trust people
who express themselves
300
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,670
tenderly, that they seem weak?
301
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,370
That they're going to abandon you,
die and leave you behind?
302
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,800
And so in order to avoid that,
you provoke Jake. You make him angry.
303
00:18:58,410 --> 00:19:01,800
You create these situations
that bring out the worst in him
304
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,660
and he treats you badly.
305
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:19,020
Ben'll be here any minute.
What should I do?
306
00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:26,980
Do you really want me to give you
permission to have sex with your boss?
307
00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:30,760
Once. Just once.
Just tell me it's not that bad.
308
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,190
I think it might be that bad.
309
00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:39,200
But you'll explain it to Jake if he finds out.
Can you, can you make sense of it for him?
310
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:41,540
And what exactly
do you want me to tell him?
311
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,260
That I'm fucked up!
312
00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:46,020
That I can't help myself.
That it's bigger than me.
313
00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,860
- Tell him that I'm fucked up!
- So even if Jake he forgives you,
314
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:51,570
do you think
that you can forgive yourself?
315
00:19:52,510 --> 00:19:54,230
I always forgive myself.
316
00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,840
That's my problem.
I... I just close my eyes
317
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,320
before I go to sleep at night
and I ask God for forgiveness
318
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,260
and I forgive myself for everything.
319
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,070
Even the unforgivable things i ...
320
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:12,290
never get punished.
321
00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:15,860
You think that sex with Reeves
will go unpunished?
322
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:17,830
Who's gonna punish me?
323
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,320
Maybe you've already started
to punish yourself.
324
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,610
Do you really think that sleeping
with Reeves is gonna bring back
325
00:20:25,610 --> 00:20:29,080
the good old reliable angry,
controlling Jake?
326
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,630
The one who fights you
and threatens you?
327
00:20:33,890 --> 00:20:35,110
I don't know.
328
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,230
And now that he's expressing his love
through tenderness,
329
00:20:38,290 --> 00:20:41,100
- do you feel that you deserve that love?
- It's not love!
330
00:20:43,780 --> 00:20:46,560
It's neediness. It's weakness.
It's unbearable.
331
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,060
So it's only love if he chases you,
stalks you,
332
00:20:49,170 --> 00:20:51,650
tapes you, is jealous of you,
is that it?
333
00:20:57,020 --> 00:21:00,760
I think you need to look at this
a little more carefully, Amy.
334
00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:11,110
- It's like it's happened already.
- But it hasn't happened already
335
00:21:11,110 --> 00:21:13,220
You still have a choice.
336
00:21:14,210 --> 00:21:16,050
Nothing happens without you.
337
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,480
I have to go to the bathroom.
338
00:21:59,020 --> 00:22:01,130
Hi, it's Jake. Leave a message.
339
00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:03,710
Hey, Jake, it's me.
340
00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,720
It's nothing important.
I just thought
341
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,990
I might catch you.
I just wanted to hear your voice.
342
00:22:12,690 --> 00:22:14,370
Okay, talk to you later.
Bye.
343
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,170
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