- Hi. - Hello.
What's a pretty lady like you doing sitting all alone?
Huh... Oh...
Oh, oh, I'm not alone.
I have people coming... Lots of people... But, um...
Thank you so much. That's very flattering.
- Hi, hi. - Oh, my God, get over here.
You're not gonna believe this.
Some guy just hit on me.
It could happen.
He was in his 70s.
What's the problem? You like to eat early.
Just for that, you're getting me another drink.
Okay. One vodka metamucil coming right up.
Hey, Holly, what's up?
Ooh! Join me at the young, fun table!
I gotta tell ya, I'm beat.
Once I park my butt in this seat, it's not getting up.
Okay, young lady, here is your...
Oh, hey, Phil.
'Sup, Eden?
Well, I gotta go.
What happened to parking your butt all night?
My butt changed its mind.
What was that all about?
What was what all about?
You and Phil were acting kinda weird with each other.
What? Weird? Me and Phil? Phil and me, weird?
Hey, would you look at the... I gotta...
So, yeah.
Oh, 'scuse me, you dropped your, uh...
Your book.
- Thanks. - Here you go.
Oh. Introduction to constitutional law.
Oh, boy. That takes me back a long...
It takes me back.
So, uh, law student, huh?
Yeah. First year, and this con law's killing me.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Everybody has a tough time with con law, from what I hear.
I mean, I kinda aced it.
My Professor said I had a way with words, so...
Wow, smart and sexy.
Ma... Yuh... Plbbt.
By the way, I'm Eric.
Hi... Hol... Holly.
Look, Holly, I know this is a lot to ask,
but is there any way that you could help me out?
Yes.
I mean, with... With what?
Well, with this class.
I could really use the tutoring,
and I get the feeling you could teach me a lot.
Oh, yeah, you bet I could. Ab...
About law, 'cause I'm a lawyer, so...
Great.
Tell you what, why don't we meet tomorrow night?
Okay, let's meet here.
- Awesome. - Okay.
Oh, but you know what? It's really loud in here.
Is there any chance that we could do it at your place?
At my place? You wanna...
You wanna meet at... At ma...
I guess we could do that.
Great. It's a date.
Why don't you put your info in my phone?
Okay.
All right, I'm gonna put it right here under "Holly,"
'cause that's my name.
Holly. All right.
There you go, underage. I mean, under "H."
Corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com
The Exes
Haskell, I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing? I'm on a date.
With whom?
Stuart, meet Jenny.
Uh, all I see is another guy with binoculars staring back at me.
Oh, that's Ted. Creepy, huh?
Two over, one up.
Oh. Oh, she's pretty.
She's my soul mate.
We have the same fine taste.
We both watch storage wars,
like the same hungry man frozen dinners,
and now we're both enjoying a heavily discounted chardonnay.
Cheers, my sweet.
Well, here's a crazy idea: How 'bout you two actually meet?
What am I supposed to do?
Knock on her door and say, "I've been infatuated with you
"from the first moment I saw you through my binoculars.
"You're even lovelier in person
than you are through my binoculars."
She screams, I run home
and watch the police come to arrest me...
Through my binoculars!
Well, I refuse to see love go unrequited.
I've gotta find a way for you two to meet.
You mind if I sit down?
Okay, if you don't think
it's a little pathetic being a third wheel.
Eden, hi.
Hi. This is silly.
Look, we're friends, and all of a sudden, we're avoiding each other
because of what, one silly kiss?
I know, it's ridiculous.
It's... It's crazy.
It was just in the heat of the moment.
Heat of the moment.
I signed my first client and I was happy.
I was happy for you.
And it was just one kiss.
One good kiss.
One great kiss.
Anyway, I don't want there to be any weirdness between us.
Me neither.
Okay, so friends?
Friends.
You know, this was better than a handshake.
Way better.
Eden... Get in here.
Something very weird happened last night.
Tell me about it.
What do you mean?
After you left the bar last night,
I met this guy, and I think he was hitting on me.
So what's the problem?
Well, there's a little bit of an age difference.
Ah. How close to the grave is this one?
This one's a little bit closer to the cradle.
Really? How young are we talking here?
He wants me to help him with his homework.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's not that bad. I mean, he's a law student.
He's probably at least 22.
And he wants you?
Which is a good thing.
Yes, it is.
At least I think it is, if that's what it is,
but I'm just not sure.
All right, well, what did he say?
Well, he said that I was sexy
and that he wanted me to tutor him at my place.
I've seen pornos start less obviously.
Yeah, but what am I gonna do?
I mean, he's 22. I've been 22 twice!
I say go for it.
Sometimes in life,
unexpected things happen with unexpected people,
and when they do, you just have to say,
"yes, yes! Oh, God, yes!"
Wow, you feel pretty strongly about that, don't ya?
You know what, Eden? I'm gonna go for it.
I've got nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm a confident, attractive, sexual woman.
Where are you going?
To see if I can find a drive-through Botox.
All right, Jenny just left her apartment.
She's going down to the laundry room.
The coast is clear.
Okay, here's your flowers and your card.
Just leave these by her door
and let cupid's arrow find her heart.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Haskell, you can't keep worshipping her from afar.
I like afar.
Afar is my sweet spot.
No. No, no, no.
Love is not love if it's not expressed.
Where would Romeo be if he hadn't
stood outside Juliette's balcony?
Alive.
Hey, Stuart, what's up?
Love is what's up.
It's in the air. Can you feel it?
Stuart, how many times have I told you,
the answer to "what's up?" Is "nothing much."
Hi.
Listen, uh, I think we should talk about what happened.
Yeah, me too. Uh...
What happened was fun.
Lots of fun.
A whole lot of fun.
But it can't happen again.
Agreed.
I mean,
the last thing I'd want, Eden, is for you to get hurt.
Excuse me?
I mean, let's face it.
Eventually, you're gonna fall for me.
All the ladies do.
Well, you just met one who don't.
Uh, the real problem here is... Is really
what's gonna happen when you fall for me?
Uh, me fall for you?
All the guys do.
- Well, not this guy. - Well, not this girl.
- Mm. - It was just sex.
- Yeah, good sex. - Great sex.
Mmhmm.
- But that's all it was. - All it was.
So then we can do this and still be friends?
Good friends.
Great friends.
- Dude. - Dude!
Stuart! Stuart!
What happened?
Things went South. They went South!
Why are you holding a cat?
When I went to lean the flowers against the door,
it opened, and this fur ball came running out,
and when I went to grab it, the door slammed behind me.
And thanks to you, I'm a cat thief!
- Wait. Wait. Wait. - Ow, ow, ow.
This could work for us.
Haskell, you're not the man who stole her cat.
You're the hero who found it.
Hero.
I'm listening.
We put up flyers, right? "Found cat, call haskell."
She comes over and finds her beloved cat
in the arms of the man who rescued it.
A man she can't help but fall
deeply and hopelessly in love with.
It sounds like a fairy tale.
Yeah.
You think I should ask for a reward?
Just a minute.
- Hi, Eric. - Hey, Holly.
May I take your skateboard?
Thanks.
I see you brought your law books.
Why wouldn't you? That's why you're here.
To study.
Actually, I kind of have a confession to make.
Oh?
Yeah, I wasn't exactly truthful about con law.
I'm not really bad at it.
Is that so?
I'm a disaster.
Oh.
All right, in that case, let's hit the books.
'Cause that's why you're here, right?
To study.
Can I get you something to drink?
- I'd love a beer. - All right, coming right up.
So, Holly, as a way of thanking you for helping me,
I have something for you,
something I think you're really gonna like.
Oh, God.
It's a scarf.
You unzipped a scarf.
I hope you like it.
Oh, I do. It's so thoughtful.
Unnecessary, but really thoughtful.
Thank you, Eric.
All right, let's hit the books.
'Cause that's why you're here. To study.
All right, quick overview.
Constitutional law is the body of law which defines
the relationships of different entities within a state.
So which...
God, I spilled beer on my shirt.
Let me get you a towel.
Whoa.
Let's... Let's... Let's get to work,
'cause that's why you're here. To st... study.
What do you think?
I think you get an "a" in abs.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- It's a great morning. - It's an incredible morning.
The best.
- Is that a hickey? - Yes, it is, Eden.
I feel so young and alive.
I have not had a hickey since wham! Broke up.
I don't know why I ever doubted myself.
I mean, why can't a younger man
be attracted to a woman like me?
No reason at all.
You are sexy, vital, attractive.
If I was a young dude, I'd do you.
- Surprise. - Hi, Eric.
Um, I'd like you to meet my assistant, Eden.
- Hey, Eden. - Hi.
Sorry to interrupt, but I saw this
in a jewelry store and thought of you.
Oh...
Wow, you must've mowed a lot of lawns.
It's beautiful. How could I ever thank you?
Well, I could always use some more tutoring.
See you tonight, babe.
He called me "babe."
I'm his babe.
Isn't he adorable?
Yeah, he's beyond adorable.
He's stunning, he's gorgeous.
What the hell is he doing with you?
What?
No, I didn't mean it like that.
It's just... Something is wrong here.
Something's very, very wrong.
Wait, what ever happened to
if you were a young dude, you'd do me?
Not if I was a young dude who looked like that.
What did you think he was gonna look like?
I don't... I thought maybe
he was gonna be some young, gawky kid
with maybe an overbite
and one leg shorter than the other.
You know, if I wasn't so hot and desirable,
I'd be getting a little offended right about now.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings.
It's just something doesn't feel right.
Well, it feels right to me. It feels very right.
And you'd know what I mean if you saw us
this morning in bed playing call of duty.
Haskell, hurry up.
Jenny's gonna be here any minute.
I'm... I'm a little nervous.
You really think this is gonna work?
Haskell, you're the man who rescued her cat.
She's gonna take one look at you
and the two of you will fly off
into the night on the wings of love.
I just need a "yes" or a "no."
Yes. Yes, it'll work.
Where is my furry little meal ticket?
I, uh, thought you had it.
I thought you had it.
Oh, no.
Don't make any sudden moves.
I wasn't planning to.
Don't even look at him.
We're just two guys hanging out.
Taking in the evening air.
The last thing we wanna do
is spook the c-a-t.
Now!
What do I do now?
This is all your fault. You and your wings of love.
You know who didn't have wings of love?
That cat!
Wait, wait, wait. This could work for us.
The cat is dead.
She'll need comfort. Uhhuh.
And a shoulder to cry on, and there you are.
There I am.
Her rock.
Hi. I'm Jenny. You found my cat?
Wait, which one of you is haskell?
This kind, sensitive man right here.
Haskell, I can't thank you enough for finding him.
You're my hero.
So where is he? Where's my baby?
He's, uh... Sorta dead.
Dead?
Come here, you!
Look at this little cutie I found outside.
There he is! Oh, there's my baby. Oh...
Um, is Phil here? Yeah, I'll go check.
What is going on here?
Why would you tell me my cat's dead?
What kind of sick game is this?
No, no, no, no, it's not a sick game.
This man is completely infatuated with you.
What?
Yeah, he knows everything about you...
The books you read, the music you like,
the foods you eat.
If you just hear him out,
I'm sure you'll understand what's in his heart.
Yes?
I watch you every night through my binoculars.
You people are freaks.
You know, in retrospect,
maybe admiring from afar was the way to go.
One...
Two...
Three... What are you doing?
I'm giving you a head start.
Oh!
No, I'll kill ya!
Haskell, don't... Aah!
So, big night with the boy toy?
Yes.
Eric's meeting me for a drink
and then we're going to the theater.
Anything about that feel wrong to you?
Okay, I am sorry for being so skeptical.
Looks like you hit the jackpot.
Oh, I hit it, and I'm gonna hit it again tonight.
Evening, ladies.
Hi.
Holly, I just gotta say,
you are looking hotter than ever.
Mm.
You keep that up, you're getting a bike for Christmas.
And you even did your hair the way I like it.
Oh, well, as I recall,
I think I do a lot of things you like...
And a couple things you love.
Your laugh drives me wild!
So, listen... Mmhmm.
About the theater for tonight.
I hope you don't mind.
I asked my mom to come along.
- Your mom? - Yeah.
Really? Your mom's coming?
Is she gonna be all right with my age?
Which is younger than you might think,
but older than anyone might like.
Relax. She's gonna love you.
Oh, mom!
Over here. Oh.
Mom, this is Holly,
the girl I've been telling you about.
Hi, Holly, I'm Molly.
We rhyme.
Am I a lucky guy or what?
I'm with the two hottest girls in the bar.
No offense, Eden.
Please, keep me out of this.
Well, shall we, ladies?
You know, suddenly, I'm not feeling so great,
so you guys should go.
- Oh, no, what's wrong? - Oh, you name it.
Is it your tummy? Mom gets that too.
No! I'm... It's not my tummy.
You guys go. Have a great time.
Really, I'll be fine.
Looks like it's just you and me tonight, mom.
Okay, but people are gonna talk.
Don't say it. Don't say it!
Okay. But if it takes away any of the creep factor,
I think you were the hotter mom.
So, the pretty lady's back.
How 'bout some company?
You close with your mother?
- My mother's dead. - Have a seat.
Corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com