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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
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(door bangs in distance)
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(Ryan whistles)
4
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Here, boy.
5
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(Wilfred moaning)
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(Wilfred panting, grunting)
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(grunting continues)
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(screaming)
9
00:01:15,772 --> 00:01:17,606
Ryan! Ryan, help me!
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Water! Water!
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(screaming continues)
12
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Oh!
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00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:30,435
Oh...!
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Oh...
15
00:01:34,741 --> 00:01:36,075
Oh.
16
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Oh, man, my penis is in
bad shape right now.
17
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:44,717
I can barely stand up straight.
18
00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:48,637
That glory hole
shit out there...
19
00:01:49,022 --> 00:01:52,424
that... was... beautiful.
20
00:01:54,477 --> 00:01:58,530
Pussy without a name
or face or personality
21
00:01:58,598 --> 00:02:00,983
is the perfect kind of pussy.
22
00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,652
I think Anne wants to move out.
23
00:02:03,736 --> 00:02:05,203
Really?
24
00:02:05,271 --> 00:02:08,440
Well, I have managed
to lick off every morsel
25
00:02:08,491 --> 00:02:11,126
of biological detritus
her body has to offer.
26
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,578
So maybe it's time.
27
00:02:12,629 --> 00:02:14,296
No, it sucks.
28
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,048
We get along great.
29
00:02:16,115 --> 00:02:18,050
She hasn't threatened
my relationship with you,
30
00:02:18,117 --> 00:02:20,469
plus her rent has given me
the time to figure out
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00:02:20,553 --> 00:02:22,671
what I actually want
to do with my life.
32
00:02:22,755 --> 00:02:24,222
Now I'm gonna feel
all this pressure
33
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:25,841
to get a job right away.
34
00:02:25,925 --> 00:02:28,793
You know, sometimes
pressure's a good thing.
35
00:02:28,845 --> 00:02:30,896
I've been pressured into
every job I've ever had.
36
00:02:30,963 --> 00:02:33,131
I'm just gonna end up
doing something I hate.
37
00:02:33,182 --> 00:02:36,351
Okay, so we already know
you don't want to be
38
00:02:36,436 --> 00:02:37,819
an evil-type lawyer again.
39
00:02:37,904 --> 00:02:39,688
So let's start from there.
40
00:02:39,772 --> 00:02:42,658
Wait-- I thought you hated
the idea of me getting a job.
41
00:02:42,742 --> 00:02:44,309
Under normal
circumstances, sure.
42
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,827
But you're stuck in a rut.
43
00:02:45,912 --> 00:02:47,245
And I'm worried about you.
44
00:02:47,313 --> 00:02:48,864
True or false?
45
00:02:48,948 --> 00:02:51,583
Last Wednesday, you went online
and purchased a Lego
46
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:53,785
do-it-yourself medieval
market village.
47
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So what?
Legos are not for adults!
48
00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:58,957
I canceled the order.
49
00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:01,510
All you do is sit around
and sleep and eat.
50
00:03:01,594 --> 00:03:04,963
Yeah, and I also roll around
in goose shit.
51
00:03:05,014 --> 00:03:06,734
Look, I'm already in touch
with a recruiter.
52
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:08,333
I'm gonna set up a meeting
right now.
53
00:03:08,384 --> 00:03:10,519
If you're on
the Legos Web site,
54
00:03:10,603 --> 00:03:12,604
you are a creepy
man-child.
55
00:03:14,307 --> 00:03:15,641
(Ryan laughing)
56
00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:16,892
Oh, you're burning down!
57
00:03:16,976 --> 00:03:18,176
That was awesome!
58
00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:20,112
Oh, my God.
You were right.
59
00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:22,481
Those fitness games I was
playing are boring as shit
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00:03:22,532 --> 00:03:24,849
compared to "The Haunted
Catacombs of Gjorganthaal."
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00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:26,184
See?!
What?
62
00:03:26,235 --> 00:03:27,786
Wait-- why are you pausing it?
63
00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,414
Didn't you have
to be somewhere at 2:00?
64
00:03:29,489 --> 00:03:31,409
Yeah, I was supposed to meet
with this recruiter,
65
00:03:31,491 --> 00:03:32,991
but I rescheduled it.
66
00:03:33,042 --> 00:03:34,859
My résumé needs some tweaking
67
00:03:34,911 --> 00:03:36,044
I hope you didn't reschedule it
for Monday,
68
00:03:36,129 --> 00:03:37,169
because I have a surprise.
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00:03:37,213 --> 00:03:38,863
I'm treating us to massages.
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00:03:38,915 --> 00:03:41,032
It's just a thank you
for being my date
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00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:42,405
to Erica's dinner party
last week.
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00:03:42,468 --> 00:03:43,919
It would have been super
depressing being
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00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:45,754
the only single person there.
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00:03:45,838 --> 00:03:47,589
Yeah, I'm-I'm not sure I can...
Now don't worry!
75
00:03:47,674 --> 00:03:49,007
I'm still working the
Internet dating sites.
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00:03:49,058 --> 00:03:50,778
And as soon as I find
a guy who's not making
77
00:03:50,843 --> 00:03:52,477
that annoying squinty sex face
78
00:03:52,545 --> 00:03:53,979
in his profile picture,
you're off the hook.
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00:03:54,046 --> 00:03:55,547
No, no, no, it's not that.
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00:03:55,598 --> 00:03:57,048
I just don't think
I can make the massage.
81
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,101
I should probably stick
with this job hunt for a while
82
00:03:59,185 --> 00:04:00,102
until I get something.
83
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:01,903
Really? Bummer.
84
00:04:01,988 --> 00:04:05,440
Kind of enjoyed being
"funemployed" together.
85
00:04:05,525 --> 00:04:07,826
Yeah, well, I found out
Anne's looking for a new place.
86
00:04:07,893 --> 00:04:10,278
And there's no way I can pay
the bills without her rent.
87
00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:11,863
Why is she leaving?
88
00:04:11,914 --> 00:04:14,116
You haven't asked her?
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00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,068
If I were you, I'd do whatever
it takes to keep her there.
90
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,837
You're right.
91
00:04:18,904 --> 00:04:21,339
I'll talk to her.
92
00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:25,343
Oh. Good morning.
93
00:04:25,411 --> 00:04:27,713
Hey.
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00:04:27,764 --> 00:04:30,515
So, um...
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00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:35,103
I-I-I don't know how to
ask this without asking.
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00:04:35,188 --> 00:04:37,522
Are-Are you thinking
of moving out?
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(sighs) Okay, I was gonna
tell you eventually.
98
00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:43,645
You know how my boyfriend's
99
00:04:43,730 --> 00:04:45,814
in jail for head butting
his aunt?
100
00:04:45,898 --> 00:04:48,033
I-I didn't know those details.
101
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,785
Well, before he got sentenced,
102
00:04:49,869 --> 00:04:52,771
he made this, like, investment
for when he got out.
103
00:04:52,822 --> 00:04:54,539
He bought this purebred
English bulldog
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00:04:54,607 --> 00:04:56,241
to start a breeding business.
105
00:04:56,292 --> 00:04:59,911
His mom's watching Phil,
that's the dog's name,
106
00:04:59,962 --> 00:05:03,415
but she's moving to Boston,
so offered to take the dog.
107
00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,050
And I just figured
with Wilfred around,
108
00:05:05,117 --> 00:05:08,553
two dogs in the house
would just make your life crazy.
109
00:05:08,621 --> 00:05:10,672
No! No, no, no!
Not at all.
110
00:05:10,757 --> 00:05:12,290
Really?
111
00:05:12,341 --> 00:05:13,842
Seriously, it's not a problem.
112
00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:16,511
Phil is totally welcome
to come live here.
113
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(laughs) Oh, my God,
that is so awesome!
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If I didn't have a boyfriend,
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I would totally suck
your nuts right now.
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(chuckles weakly)
117
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So, just when I finally
neutralized
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the Jelly Beans threat,
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00:05:29,659 --> 00:05:31,976
you invite this bulldog
to come and live with us?!
120
00:05:32,028 --> 00:05:34,029
There's only so much dog poon
to go around!
121
00:05:34,113 --> 00:05:36,364
And you know this Phil guy's
gonna be creeping up
122
00:05:36,449 --> 00:05:37,866
on the neighborhood glory hole!
123
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,534
That shit is locals only!
124
00:05:39,619 --> 00:05:42,037
It's, like, go back
to the Val, kook!
125
00:05:42,121 --> 00:05:44,161
Wilfred, you don't even live
here-- you're my guest.
126
00:05:44,173 --> 00:05:45,657
Anne has a right
to have guests, too.
127
00:05:51,047 --> 00:05:52,264
What the hell are you doing?!
128
00:05:52,331 --> 00:05:53,998
Drawing a line in the sand.
129
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Phil can stay on his side,
I'll stay on my side.
130
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Wilfred, stop!
131
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Fine. Then I suppose
I'll have to resort
132
00:06:01,307 --> 00:06:02,674
to more drastic measures.
133
00:06:04,944 --> 00:06:06,945
Wait-- what are you gonna do?
134
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:08,530
I'm gonna get my squeaky ball
135
00:06:08,614 --> 00:06:10,315
and leave it on
the living room floor
136
00:06:10,366 --> 00:06:12,567
where Phil can see it.
137
00:06:12,652 --> 00:06:14,953
Then, when our little friend
goes to play with it,
138
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,321
I'll simply...
139
00:06:16,372 --> 00:06:19,691
snatch... it... back.
140
00:06:21,193 --> 00:06:23,361
Guess I can't stop you.
141
00:06:23,412 --> 00:06:26,865
(sing-songy):
Welcome to your new home!
142
00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:28,133
Hey.
143
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,719
So this must be Phil.
144
00:06:30,803 --> 00:06:32,220
Why is he wearing a diaper?
145
00:06:32,305 --> 00:06:33,672
Phil's short for "Phyllis."
146
00:06:34,707 --> 00:06:35,974
So...
147
00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:37,542
She's in heat right now.
148
00:06:37,593 --> 00:06:38,894
Sorry. I didn't know
till I picked her up.
149
00:06:38,978 --> 00:06:42,180
So we should keep her
and Wilfred apart.
150
00:06:42,231 --> 00:06:43,815
You know how crazy
male dogs get
151
00:06:43,883 --> 00:06:45,567
when they smell
a bitch in heat. (scoffs)
152
00:06:45,651 --> 00:06:47,569
Is this still cool with you?
153
00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:49,988
'Cause if not, I can totally...
154
00:06:50,055 --> 00:06:51,356
What? No, no, no, no!
155
00:06:51,407 --> 00:06:53,775
Of course, it's totally cool.
156
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:56,862
Thanks. I really appreciate
this, Ryan.
157
00:06:56,913 --> 00:06:58,413
Don't worry about it.
158
00:06:58,497 --> 00:07:00,415
Like I said, it won't be
a problem at all.
159
00:07:02,535 --> 00:07:05,287
Oh, my God...
160
00:07:05,371 --> 00:07:07,172
she's beautiful, Ryan.
161
00:07:07,239 --> 00:07:09,925
Sculpted by
the hands of angels.
162
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:11,877
You didn't even see her.
163
00:07:11,928 --> 00:07:13,795
I didn't have to.
164
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,848
(inhales deeply)
165
00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:18,133
I'm in love.
166
00:07:18,217 --> 00:07:19,384
(laughs)
167
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:28,082
(playing gentle melody)
168
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,235
♪ I know
it might sound foolish ♪
169
00:07:31,286 --> 00:07:35,456
♪ When I write
to you this song ♪
170
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:39,210
♪ But the rings of love
from heaven ♪
171
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:43,381
♪ Washed away all
that was wrong ♪
172
00:07:43,432 --> 00:07:47,768
♪ Because looking at you
is like drinking a moonbeam ♪
173
00:07:47,853 --> 00:07:51,472
♪ In the darkness
of my lonely night ♪
174
00:07:51,556 --> 00:07:55,559
♪ And the sun from your heart
is shining down on me, baby ♪
175
00:07:55,611 --> 00:07:57,612
♪ All right?
176
00:07:57,696 --> 00:08:01,065
♪ And I'm dreaming of you
tonight. ♪
177
00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:06,846
(plays flourish, song ends)
178
00:08:10,283 --> 00:08:13,332
Sorry; the music just kind
of poured out of me.
179
00:08:13,671 --> 00:08:15,422
I guess that's what happens
180
00:08:15,473 --> 00:08:16,947
when love slaps you around
like a little ho.
181
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:18,898
I can't wait
for Phyllis to hear it.
182
00:08:18,983 --> 00:08:20,784
It's not gonna happen, Wilfred.
183
00:08:20,851 --> 00:08:24,571
Look, I know you're worried,
'cause now I'm in love,
184
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,072
we're not gonna hang out
as much.
185
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:28,375
But you've always been
my best friend.
186
00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:33,046
Which is why I'd like
you to have this.
187
00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,631
It's my little black book.
188
00:08:34,698 --> 00:08:36,966
I won't be needing it anymore.
189
00:08:38,969 --> 00:08:40,670
Are these urine stains?
190
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,923
Contact information
from my former slut stable.
191
00:08:44,008 --> 00:08:45,875
I was a different dog then.
192
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,927
Which reminds me.
193
00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:50,930
I no longer have any use...
194
00:08:51,015 --> 00:08:53,933
for my vampire dick sucker.
195
00:08:54,018 --> 00:08:57,237
Oh, Fangsy, we really had
ourselves quite a time.
196
00:09:02,076 --> 00:09:05,061
(sniffs)
Where is Phyllis?
197
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,396
Locked up in Anne's room,
where you can't get to her.
198
00:09:07,448 --> 00:09:11,400
Ryan, no door can stand
in the way of love.
199
00:09:11,452 --> 00:09:13,920
Unless it's, like, a door-door.
200
00:09:14,004 --> 00:09:15,622
Does it have a doorknob?
201
00:09:15,706 --> 00:09:17,507
Dude!
202
00:09:17,574 --> 00:09:19,209
Wilfred, you're not in love.
203
00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:21,127
You're just responding
to her pheromones.
204
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:22,912
And you're just
tearing us apart,
205
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,215
so you can keep Anne
as a cash cow.
206
00:09:25,266 --> 00:09:27,467
Phyllis is in heat, and you're
an unneutered male dog.
207
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:29,219
You could get her pregnant.
208
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:31,187
And the only litter
that she's supposed to have
209
00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:32,555
is with another
purebred bulldog.
210
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:36,359
Are you saying that my moonbeam
and the darkness
211
00:09:36,426 --> 00:09:39,229
of my lonely night
is promised to another?
212
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,231
Sort of.
Anne's boyfriend's a breeder.
213
00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:42,982
But that's insane!
214
00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:45,401
If it's another bulldog,
then he could be her brother
215
00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,871
or her cousin
or a distant uncle at best!
216
00:09:47,938 --> 00:09:49,539
How would you feel
217
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:51,157
if that's how humans
were forced to procreate?!
218
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:54,994
It's different.
We're human.
219
00:09:55,079 --> 00:09:56,629
Okay, may-maybe... maybe
that came out wrong.
220
00:09:56,714 --> 00:09:57,797
You're a Nazi!
221
00:09:57,882 --> 00:09:59,332
You're a goddamn Nazi!
222
00:09:59,416 --> 00:10:02,168
Don't you even try
to get between us, Ryan.
223
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,888
You can't stop love!
224
00:10:04,955 --> 00:10:07,307
♪ Love is a freight train
comin' down the track ♪
225
00:10:07,391 --> 00:10:09,592
♪ You can't stop it
'cause you can't ♪
226
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:12,145
♪ Turn your back on love
227
00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:15,231
♪ Love is a wrecking ball!
228
00:10:22,773 --> 00:10:24,324
Oh, Phyllis,
229
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:26,192
your kisses taste so sweet
230
00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,995
and your pores smell
like corn chips.
231
00:10:39,823 --> 00:10:42,542
Oh, my deep tissue is thanking
232
00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:44,127
the shit out of you right now.
233
00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:46,045
Glad you found it relaxing.
234
00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:48,598
By the way, you two make
a really cute couple.
235
00:10:48,665 --> 00:10:49,999
Oh.
236
00:10:52,353 --> 00:10:53,770
Why did you tell the
masseuse we're a couple?
237
00:10:53,837 --> 00:10:55,021
'Cause the couple's massage came
238
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:57,307
with a free bottle of wine.
239
00:11:00,811 --> 00:11:03,112
(sniffing)
240
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,485
So, how'd it go with Anne?
241
00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:10,737
Great.
242
00:11:10,821 --> 00:11:12,071
I talked to her like you said
243
00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:13,456
and we worked everything out.
244
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,691
To "funemployment."
245
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:16,910
So what do you want
to do tonight?
246
00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:18,461
Korean barbeque or we...
247
00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:20,330
Oh, shit.
Is it Monday?
248
00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:22,582
(groans) I'm supposed to go
with Jessica to a party tonight
249
00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:25,534
at some rich
ophthalmologist's house.
250
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:27,626
I guess it's remotely possible
I could meet someone.
251
00:11:27,638 --> 00:11:29,672
No worries.
We'll hang out later.
252
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,342
I'm gonna get dressed and
head home for a long nap.
253
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,716
So, how are you feeling today?
254
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,518
It's weird.
255
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:45,554
I woke up and I don't
know how to explain it,
256
00:11:45,606 --> 00:11:48,942
but something deep in
my heart had changed.
257
00:11:49,026 --> 00:11:51,244
It's like all the love
I felt for Phyllis
258
00:11:51,328 --> 00:11:52,061
is now suddenly gone.
259
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,563
That does happen sometimes.
260
00:11:54,615 --> 00:11:57,283
You can fall out of love just
as quickly as you fell into it.
261
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,285
Huh, you know,
I don't even care
262
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,121
if she ends up with
another bulldog.
263
00:12:02,206 --> 00:12:03,456
Hell, maybe they'd be
better off together.
264
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:04,573
Well...
265
00:12:04,625 --> 00:12:05,842
breeding is done for a reason.
266
00:12:05,909 --> 00:12:07,877
Mating a purebred
with another purebred
267
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,263
keeps things... pure.
268
00:12:10,347 --> 00:12:12,298
Yeah.
269
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:15,051
I got to admit, now that
my mind is no longer lost
270
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,437
in the fog of love,
it's starting to make sense.
271
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:20,023
I mean, you mix up the breeds,
who knows what you're gonna get?
272
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:20,974
Exactly.
273
00:12:21,058 --> 00:12:23,259
Like, take Joffrey here.
274
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,760
(laughs)
Wait...
275
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,146
What?
WILFRED: Well, he-he's the product
276
00:12:27,231 --> 00:12:29,399
of a white mother
and a Mexican father.
277
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,067
He's a mutt, just like me.
278
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,785
It's different
with people, Wilfred.
279
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:34,320
Joffrey's fine.
280
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:35,321
Joffrey and I
are both mongrels.
281
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:36,489
We're mistakes.
282
00:12:36,573 --> 00:12:37,957
Now, I-I wouldn't say you're...
283
00:12:38,042 --> 00:12:39,459
No, no, no, you're
totally right.
284
00:12:39,543 --> 00:12:41,461
Just imagine a world
285
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:43,963
where all of the bloodlines
were kept pure--
286
00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:46,165
a perfect world where
there were no mistakes.
287
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,084
(phone vibrating)
288
00:12:49,753 --> 00:12:52,005
That's that job recruiter.
289
00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:54,623
You going to that meeting
with her tomorrow, right?
290
00:12:54,675 --> 00:12:56,292
I don't know.
291
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,394
I mean, now that Anne's staying,
what's the rush?
292
00:12:58,462 --> 00:13:02,432
Ryan, if this whole Phyllis
ordeal has taught me anything,
293
00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:06,019
it's that it feels good
to move on with your life.
294
00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:07,570
On to bigger and better things.
295
00:13:07,637 --> 00:13:09,322
Hmm.
296
00:13:09,406 --> 00:13:11,574
Hendler-Greer specializes
in green energy
297
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:13,476
and they're looking
for a junior partner.
298
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:16,663
Well, actually I'm sort of
leaning towards nonprofit.
299
00:13:16,747 --> 00:13:19,248
Okay.
300
00:13:19,316 --> 00:13:21,034
Well, have you heard
of New Horizons?
301
00:13:21,118 --> 00:13:23,152
They're a nonprofit
that provides legal counsel
302
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,038
for victims of domestic abuse.
303
00:13:25,122 --> 00:13:27,490
Yeah, that-that sounds great.
304
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:29,375
But I worry that it's
a little too outside
305
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,094
of my area of expertise.
306
00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:33,713
(sighs)
307
00:13:33,797 --> 00:13:35,098
Sorry, I...
308
00:13:35,165 --> 00:13:36,683
I guess I'm kind
of a challenge.
309
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:38,167
It's okay.
310
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,769
I like a challenge.
311
00:13:39,836 --> 00:13:42,472
I'm sure, if we work together
long enough,
312
00:13:42,523 --> 00:13:44,403
I'll find something
that'll pique your interest.
313
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:46,976
Uh...
314
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,279
I-I don't understand.
315
00:13:50,347 --> 00:13:52,348
Are you ready to get
your dick sucked, Ryan?
316
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:08,581
Oh!
317
00:14:08,665 --> 00:14:11,367
(gasping)
318
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,202
Wh-What's going on?
319
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,414
I've been doing a little
pure-breeding of my own, mate.
320
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,874
I think I'll name
your baby Rysten.
321
00:14:20,477 --> 00:14:22,311
(door closes)
322
00:14:27,216 --> 00:14:28,182
Wilfred!
323
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,350
Get back here!
324
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,341
Shit.
325
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,278
(phone line ringing)
326
00:14:40,345 --> 00:14:41,345
It's Kristen, leave a message.
327
00:14:41,396 --> 00:14:42,363
(voicemail beeps)
328
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,649
Hey, uh, I-I don't know
329
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,984
if you're still taking your nap,
but I'm gonna be
330
00:14:47,035 --> 00:14:48,286
in your neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.
331
00:14:48,353 --> 00:14:50,371
See you soon.
332
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,708
Kristen.
333
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,193
Kristen!
334
00:14:56,245 --> 00:14:57,495
(phone ringing)
335
00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:00,381
Kristen, where are you?
336
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,032
- I'm at your place.
- My place?
337
00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:03,468
When I couldn't find my phone,
I realized
338
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:04,752
I must've left it here
earlier today.
339
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,003
WILFRED:
Or perhaps someone stole it.
340
00:15:06,054 --> 00:15:07,305
Wilfred's there?
341
00:15:07,372 --> 00:15:08,706
Yeah, he was here
when I came in.
342
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:10,057
WILFRED: Breeding a brother
with his sister
343
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,093
can only result in perfect...
344
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:14,011
Get away from him, Kristen.
345
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:15,313
I'll be right there.
346
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,233
Hey, Ryan.
Wilfred, get out of there.
347
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,735
(Wilfred and Kristen laughing)
348
00:15:22,053 --> 00:15:23,938
- Ow!
- What are you doing?
349
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,523
Uh, I have to take him out.
350
00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:29,527
Please, tell me
you didn't do it.
351
00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:31,698
You mean extract your semen
and inseminate your sister
352
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:33,581
so she can give birth
to a purebred Newman?
353
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:37,835
Of course I didn't.
I'm not that sick and twisted.
354
00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:39,954
I just wanted you
to think I would,
355
00:15:40,038 --> 00:15:42,456
so you can see what it's
like to almost get bred.
356
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,458
What?! Why?
357
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:45,760
All that fear and
disgust you just felt?
358
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,745
That's exactly what
Phyllis is feeling.
359
00:15:47,796 --> 00:15:49,130
Instead of being
with the one dog
360
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:51,048
she actually cares about-- me.
361
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:53,918
We should be making tender,
passionate love right now,
362
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:56,554
stuck ass-to-ass with
my dick bent backwards
363
00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:58,222
between my legs in
excruciating pain
364
00:15:58,273 --> 00:15:59,690
under the stars.
365
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,143
What? I thought
you were over Phyllis.
366
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:04,445
What? Because of this?
367
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,482
You knew? How?
368
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,368
I went on your iPad to change
my relationship status
369
00:16:10,435 --> 00:16:11,786
to "It's complicated,"
370
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,205
and I saw the Web site
on your browser.
371
00:16:14,272 --> 00:16:15,623
So you knowingly tortured me
'cause you still
372
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:17,074
think you're in love?
373
00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,626
For the last time,
I am in love.
374
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,044
With someone who's destined
375
00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:22,046
to boned by her
own family member.
376
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:24,799
So, what? Dogs don't care if
they have sex with a relative.
377
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,717
Not if we don't get
a say in the matter.
378
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:28,803
I chose to have sex
with my sister
379
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,671
and my aunt and my grandfather.
380
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,423
Making me think
I've impregnated my sister
381
00:16:32,474 --> 00:16:34,559
isn't even in the same ballpark
as dog breeding.
382
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:36,844
How did you come up
with this insane plan?
383
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,012
It's obvious.
384
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:39,313
I got it from Kristen.
385
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:40,798
Well, she's basically
386
00:16:40,849 --> 00:16:42,633
been playing house
with you lately.
387
00:16:42,684 --> 00:16:44,164
Treating her brother
like her husband.
388
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:45,486
What are you talking about?
389
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:46,971
She keeps using you as a crutch
390
00:16:47,022 --> 00:16:48,302
the same way you keep
using Anne.
391
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,742
Phyllis!
392
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,495
We will be together one day.
393
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,147
I promise!
394
00:16:57,199 --> 00:16:59,483
(boom box playing dogs howling)
395
00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:05,423
Hey.
396
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:07,491
I was thinking
397
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:10,094
since I'm already here,
we might as well order in;
398
00:17:10,161 --> 00:17:11,762
watch a movie.
399
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,297
Still haven't seen
Django Unchained.
400
00:17:13,348 --> 00:17:15,165
What? I-I thought
401
00:17:15,217 --> 00:17:17,051
you were going to that party
with your girlfriends tonight.
402
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:19,503
I'll just cancel-- honestly
I'm just not really in the mood
403
00:17:19,554 --> 00:17:21,722
to get dressed up
and deal with that whole scene.
404
00:17:24,393 --> 00:17:26,510
Yeah, I think you
should go to that party.
405
00:17:26,561 --> 00:17:29,814
Look, I know it must be hard.
406
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,316
After your divorce,
getting back out there.
407
00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:34,986
It's daunting, but...
408
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,538
I don't, I don't think
it's good to, you know,
409
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,741
become so dependent on this
comfortable thing we've got.
410
00:17:43,161 --> 00:17:44,996
I know.
411
00:17:45,047 --> 00:17:46,747
You're right.
412
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:48,499
For what it's worth,
413
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:51,218
I'm doing the exact same
thing with this job search.
414
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:54,088
It's like... what
if I get rejected?
415
00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:56,507
What if I fail?
416
00:17:56,558 --> 00:17:59,593
But I guess, at a certain point,
it's more dangerous
417
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,479
to not move forward
with your life.
418
00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:05,516
(sighs)
419
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:16,494
Uh, is that a fanged
blow job giver?
420
00:18:18,413 --> 00:18:21,749
Um...
421
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:25,235
So, I asked Anne
to move out this morning.
422
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:27,705
I've been putting off
getting a job for too long.
423
00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:30,257
It's a good thing,
mate-- trust me.
424
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,543
Although, as you know,
if Phyllis leaves,
425
00:18:32,594 --> 00:18:34,045
then I'll have to
leave with her,
426
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:36,347
because I will follow her
to the ends of the earth
427
00:18:36,414 --> 00:18:37,598
until the end of time.
428
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:40,184
Yeah, and...
I've been thinking.
429
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:42,770
Maybe some of what you said
about breeding is true.
430
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:45,756
Thank you, Ryan;
I appreciate that.
431
00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:47,775
In good time,
you, too, will see
432
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:50,478
that Phyllis and I
truly are soul mates,
433
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,597
and that our love will
one day transcend...
434
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:55,265
Oh, my God!
435
00:18:55,317 --> 00:18:57,485
Who is that disgusting
pig-like creature?
436
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,954
That's Phyllis.
No way.
437
00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:02,206
That's a butter everything.
438
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:04,291
She's basically the
dog version of Natalie
439
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:05,576
from The Facts of Life.
Yeah.
440
00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:07,328
I'm telling you,
Wilfred, that's her.
441
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:08,612
WILFRED: Really?
Yeah.
442
00:19:08,663 --> 00:19:10,214
And, look, she's no longer
wearing a diaper
443
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:12,717
because she's probably
no longer in heat...
444
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:15,970
which is why you're probably
no longer in love.
445
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:20,891
No... I just think she looks
different in the daylight.
446
00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:23,144
Right.
447
00:19:26,754 --> 00:19:29,196
Again, I'm really sorry that it
didn't work out with the dogs.
448
00:19:29,316 --> 00:19:31,383
It just got a little
too crazy with Wilfred.
449
00:19:31,430 --> 00:19:34,384
Oh, I totally understand, Ryan.
It's for the best.
450
00:19:34,504 --> 00:19:36,454
And Northern California
will be nice,
451
00:19:36,506 --> 00:19:37,989
and I'll be closer
to my boyfriend.
452
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,624
Well, his prison.
453
00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:41,877
Take care.
454
00:19:41,961 --> 00:19:44,429
You, too. It's been fun.
455
00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:49,184
Sorry. There was a line
at the glory hole.
456
00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:51,002
And then this Chihuahua
got stuck,
457
00:19:51,053 --> 00:19:53,471
and his whole body was just,
like, dangling there.
458
00:19:53,523 --> 00:19:55,473
Oh. Did I miss the good-byes?
459
00:19:55,525 --> 00:19:57,192
Yeah.
460
00:19:57,276 --> 00:19:59,677
Well, I'm sure
I'll see Anne again one day.
461
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:02,347
I look forward to meeting
her future son, Andrew.
462
00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:03,982
Andrew?
463
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,701
Why would she name her son An...
(engine starts)
464
00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:07,786
...drew?
465
00:20:09,399 --> 00:20:20,014
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