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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
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(door bangs in distance)
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(Ryan whistles)
4
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Here, boy.
5
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(Wilfred moaning)
6
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(Wilfred panting, grunting)
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(grunting continues)
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(screaming)
9
00:01:32,672 --> 00:01:34,506
Ryan! Ryan, help me!
10
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Water! Water!
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(screaming continues)
12
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Oh!
13
00:01:45,718 --> 00:01:47,335
Oh...!
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00:01:48,638 --> 00:01:50,355
Oh...
15
00:01:51,641 --> 00:01:52,975
Oh.
16
00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:59,537
Oh, man, my penis is in
bad shape right now.
17
00:01:59,933 --> 00:02:01,617
I can barely stand up straight.
18
00:02:01,684 --> 00:02:05,537
That glory hole
shit out there...
19
00:02:05,622 --> 00:02:09,024
that... was... beautiful.
20
00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:15,430
Pussy without a name
or face or personality
21
00:02:15,498 --> 00:02:17,883
is the perfect kind of pussy.
22
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,752
I think Anne wants to move out.
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00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:22,103
Really?
24
00:02:22,171 --> 00:02:25,340
Well, I have managed
to lick off every morsel
25
00:02:25,391 --> 00:02:28,026
of biological detritus
her body has to offer.
26
00:02:28,110 --> 00:02:29,478
So maybe it's time.
27
00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:31,196
No, it sucks.
28
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,948
We get along great.
29
00:02:33,015 --> 00:02:34,950
She hasn't threatened
my relationship with you,
30
00:02:35,017 --> 00:02:37,369
plus her rent has given me
the time to figure out
31
00:02:37,453 --> 00:02:39,571
what I actually want
to do with my life.
32
00:02:39,655 --> 00:02:41,122
Now I'm gonna feel
all this pressure
33
00:02:41,190 --> 00:02:42,741
to get a job right away.
34
00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:45,693
You know, sometimes
pressure's a good thing.
35
00:02:45,745 --> 00:02:47,796
I've been pressured into
every job I've ever had.
36
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:50,031
I'm just gonna end up
doing something I hate.
37
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:53,251
Okay, so we already know
you don't want to be
38
00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:54,719
an evil-type lawyer again.
39
00:02:54,804 --> 00:02:56,588
So let's start from there.
40
00:02:56,672 --> 00:02:59,558
Wait-- I thought you hated
the idea of me getting a job.
41
00:02:59,642 --> 00:03:01,209
Under normal
circumstances, sure.
42
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:02,727
But you're stuck in a rut.
43
00:03:02,812 --> 00:03:04,145
And I'm worried about you.
44
00:03:04,213 --> 00:03:05,764
True or false?
45
00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:08,483
Last Wednesday, you went online
and purchased a Lego
46
00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:10,685
do-it-yourself medieval
market village.
47
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So what?
Legos are not for adults!
48
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I canceled the order.
49
00:03:15,908 --> 00:03:18,410
All you do is sit around
and sleep and eat.
50
00:03:18,494 --> 00:03:21,863
Yeah, and I also roll around
in goose shit.
51
00:03:21,914 --> 00:03:23,634
Look, I'm already in touch
with a recruiter.
52
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:25,233
I'm gonna set up a meeting
right now.
53
00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:27,419
If you're on
the Legos Web site,
54
00:03:27,503 --> 00:03:29,504
you are a creepy
man-child.
55
00:03:31,207 --> 00:03:32,541
(Ryan laughing)
56
00:03:32,592 --> 00:03:33,792
Oh, you're burning down!
57
00:03:33,876 --> 00:03:35,076
That was awesome!
58
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:37,012
Oh, my God.
You were right.
59
00:03:37,079 --> 00:03:39,381
Those fitness games I was
playing are boring as shit
60
00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:41,749
compared to "The Haunted
Catacombs of Gjorganthaal."
61
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:43,084
See?!
What?
62
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,686
Wait-- why are you pausing it?
63
00:03:44,753 --> 00:03:46,314
Didn't you have
to be somewhere at 2:00?
64
00:03:46,389 --> 00:03:48,309
Yeah, I was supposed to meet
with this recruiter,
65
00:03:48,391 --> 00:03:49,891
but I rescheduled it.
66
00:03:49,942 --> 00:03:51,759
My résumé needs some tweaking
67
00:03:51,811 --> 00:03:52,944
I hope you didn't reschedule it
for Monday,
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00:03:53,029 --> 00:03:54,069
because I have a surprise.
69
00:03:54,113 --> 00:03:55,763
I'm treating us to massages.
70
00:03:55,815 --> 00:03:57,932
It's just a thank you
for being my date
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00:03:57,984 --> 00:03:59,305
to Erica's dinner party
last week.
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00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:00,819
It would have been super
depressing being
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00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:02,654
the only single person there.
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00:04:02,738 --> 00:04:04,489
Yeah, I'm-I'm not sure I can...
Now don't worry!
75
00:04:04,574 --> 00:04:05,907
I'm still working the
Internet dating sites.
76
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,678
And as soon as I find
a guy who's not making
77
00:04:07,743 --> 00:04:09,377
that annoying squinty sex face
78
00:04:09,445 --> 00:04:10,879
in his profile picture,
you're off the hook.
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00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,447
No, no, no, it's not that.
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00:04:12,498 --> 00:04:13,948
I just don't think
I can make the massage.
81
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,001
I should probably stick
with this job hunt for a while
82
00:04:16,085 --> 00:04:17,002
until I get something.
83
00:04:17,086 --> 00:04:18,803
Really? Bummer.
84
00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:22,340
Kind of enjoyed being
"funemployed" together.
85
00:04:22,425 --> 00:04:24,726
Yeah, well, I found out
Anne's looking for a new place.
86
00:04:24,793 --> 00:04:27,178
And there's no way I can pay
the bills without her rent.
87
00:04:27,263 --> 00:04:28,763
Why is she leaving?
88
00:04:28,814 --> 00:04:31,016
You haven't asked her?
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00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,968
If I were you, I'd do whatever
it takes to keep her there.
90
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,737
You're right.
91
00:04:35,804 --> 00:04:38,239
I'll talk to her.
92
00:04:40,743 --> 00:04:42,243
Oh. Good morning.
93
00:04:42,311 --> 00:04:44,613
Hey.
94
00:04:44,664 --> 00:04:47,415
So, um...
95
00:04:47,483 --> 00:04:52,003
I-I-I don't know how to
ask this without asking.
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00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,422
Are-Are you thinking
of moving out?
97
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:58,326
(sighs) Okay, I was gonna
tell you eventually.
98
00:04:58,377 --> 00:05:00,545
You know how my boyfriend's
99
00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:02,714
in jail for head butting
his aunt?
100
00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:04,933
I-I didn't know those details.
101
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,685
Well, before he got sentenced,
102
00:05:06,769 --> 00:05:09,671
he made this, like, investment
for when he got out.
103
00:05:09,722 --> 00:05:11,439
He bought this purebred
English bulldog
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00:05:11,507 --> 00:05:13,141
to start a breeding business.
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00:05:13,192 --> 00:05:16,811
His mom's watching Phil,
that's the dog's name,
106
00:05:16,862 --> 00:05:20,315
but she's moving to Boston,
so offered to take the dog.
107
00:05:20,366 --> 00:05:21,950
And I just figured
with Wilfred around,
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00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:25,453
two dogs in the house
would just make your life crazy.
109
00:05:25,521 --> 00:05:27,572
No! No, no, no!
Not at all.
110
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Really?
111
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,742
Seriously, it's not a problem.
112
00:05:30,826 --> 00:05:33,411
Phil is totally welcome
to come live here.
113
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(laughs) Oh, my God,
that is so awesome!
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If I didn't have a boyfriend,
115
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I would totally suck
your nuts right now.
116
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(chuckles weakly)
117
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So, just when I finally
neutralized
118
00:05:44,873 --> 00:05:46,508
the Jelly Beans threat,
119
00:05:46,559 --> 00:05:48,876
you invite this bulldog
to come and live with us?!
120
00:05:48,928 --> 00:05:50,929
There's only so much dog poon
to go around!
121
00:05:51,013 --> 00:05:53,264
And you know this Phil guy's
gonna be creeping up
122
00:05:53,349 --> 00:05:54,766
on the neighborhood glory hole!
123
00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:56,434
That shit is locals only!
124
00:05:56,519 --> 00:05:58,937
It's, like, go back
to the Val, kook!
125
00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:01,061
Wilfred, you don't even live
here-- you're my guest.
126
00:06:01,073 --> 00:06:02,557
Anne has a right
to have guests, too.
127
00:06:07,947 --> 00:06:09,164
What the hell are you doing?!
128
00:06:09,231 --> 00:06:10,898
Drawing a line in the sand.
129
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:13,585
Phil can stay on his side,
I'll stay on my side.
130
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Wilfred, stop!
131
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Fine. Then I suppose
I'll have to resort
132
00:06:18,207 --> 00:06:19,574
to more drastic measures.
133
00:06:21,844 --> 00:06:23,845
Wait-- what are you gonna do?
134
00:06:23,912 --> 00:06:25,430
I'm gonna get my squeaky ball
135
00:06:25,514 --> 00:06:27,215
and leave it on
the living room floor
136
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where Phil can see it.
137
00:06:29,552 --> 00:06:31,853
Then, when our little friend
goes to play with it,
138
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,221
I'll simply...
139
00:06:33,272 --> 00:06:36,591
snatch... it... back.
140
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,261
Guess I can't stop you.
141
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,765
(sing-songy):
Welcome to your new home!
142
00:06:43,816 --> 00:06:45,033
Hey.
143
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,619
So this must be Phil.
144
00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,120
Why is he wearing a diaper?
145
00:06:49,205 --> 00:06:50,572
Phil's short for "Phyllis."
146
00:06:51,607 --> 00:06:52,874
So...
147
00:06:52,941 --> 00:06:54,442
She's in heat right now.
148
00:06:54,493 --> 00:06:55,794
Sorry. I didn't know
till I picked her up.
149
00:06:55,878 --> 00:06:59,080
So we should keep her
and Wilfred apart.
150
00:06:59,131 --> 00:07:00,715
You know how crazy
male dogs get
151
00:07:00,783 --> 00:07:02,467
when they smell
a bitch in heat. (scoffs)
152
00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:04,469
Is this still cool with you?
153
00:07:04,553 --> 00:07:06,888
'Cause if not, I can totally...
154
00:07:06,955 --> 00:07:08,256
What? No, no, no, no!
155
00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:10,675
Of course, it's totally cool.
156
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,762
Thanks. I really appreciate
this, Ryan.
157
00:07:13,813 --> 00:07:15,313
Don't worry about it.
158
00:07:15,397 --> 00:07:17,315
Like I said, it won't be
a problem at all.
159
00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:22,187
Oh, my God...
160
00:07:22,271 --> 00:07:24,072
she's beautiful, Ryan.
161
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,825
Sculpted by
the hands of angels.
162
00:07:26,909 --> 00:07:28,777
You didn't even see her.
163
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:30,695
I didn't have to.
164
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:33,748
(inhales deeply)
165
00:07:33,816 --> 00:07:35,033
I'm in love.
166
00:07:35,117 --> 00:07:36,284
(laughs)
167
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,882
(playing gentle melody)
168
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,035
♪ I know
it might sound foolish ♪
169
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:54,256
♪ When I write
to you this song ♪
170
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:58,010
♪ But the rings of love
from heaven ♪
171
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:02,181
♪ Washed away all
that was wrong ♪
172
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:06,568
♪ Because looking at you
is like drinking a moonbeam ♪
173
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:10,272
♪ In the darkness
of my lonely night ♪
174
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:14,359
♪ And the sun from your heart
is shining down on me, baby ♪
175
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,412
♪ All right?
176
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,865
♪ And I'm dreaming of you
tonight. ♪
177
00:08:23,119 --> 00:08:25,646
(plays flourish, song ends)
178
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,632
Sorry; the music just kind
of poured out of me.
179
00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:33,722
I guess that's what happens
180
00:08:33,773 --> 00:08:35,447
when love slaps you around
like a little ho.
181
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,198
I can't wait
for Phyllis to hear it.
182
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,084
It's not gonna happen, Wilfred.
183
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:42,871
Look, I know you're worried,
'cause now I'm in love,
184
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,372
we're not gonna hang out
as much.
185
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,675
But you've always been
my best friend.
186
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:51,346
Which is why I'd like
you to have this.
187
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,931
It's my little black book.
188
00:08:52,998 --> 00:08:55,266
I won't be needing it anymore.
189
00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:58,970
Are these urine stains?
190
00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:02,223
Contact information
from my former slut stable.
191
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:04,175
I was a different dog then.
192
00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:06,227
Which reminds me.
193
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:09,230
I no longer have any use...
194
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,233
for my vampire dick sucker.
195
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:15,537
Oh, Fangsy, we really had
ourselves quite a time.
196
00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:23,361
(sniffs)
Where is Phyllis?
197
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:25,696
Locked up in Anne's room,
where you can't get to her.
198
00:09:25,748 --> 00:09:29,700
Ryan, no door can stand
in the way of love.
199
00:09:29,752 --> 00:09:32,220
Unless it's, like, a door-door.
200
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:33,922
Does it have a doorknob?
201
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,807
Dude!
202
00:09:35,874 --> 00:09:37,509
Wilfred, you're not in love.
203
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,427
You're just responding
to her pheromones.
204
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,212
And you're just
tearing us apart,
205
00:09:41,263 --> 00:09:43,515
so you can keep Anne
as a cash cow.
206
00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:45,767
Phyllis is in heat, and you're
an unneutered male dog.
207
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,519
You could get her pregnant.
208
00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:49,487
And the only litter
that she's supposed to have
209
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:50,855
is with another
purebred bulldog.
210
00:09:50,906 --> 00:09:54,659
Are you saying that my moonbeam
and the darkness
211
00:09:54,726 --> 00:09:57,529
of my lonely night
is promised to another?
212
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,531
Sort of.
Anne's boyfriend's a breeder.
213
00:09:59,582 --> 00:10:01,282
But that's insane!
214
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,701
If it's another bulldog,
then he could be her brother
215
00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:06,171
or her cousin
or a distant uncle at best!
216
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:07,839
How would you feel
217
00:10:07,906 --> 00:10:09,457
if that's how humans
were forced to procreate?!
218
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:13,294
It's different.
We're human.
219
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:14,929
Okay, may-maybe... maybe
that came out wrong.
220
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,097
You're a Nazi!
221
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,632
You're a goddamn Nazi!
222
00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:20,468
Don't you even try
to get between us, Ryan.
223
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,188
You can't stop love!
224
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,607
♪ Love is a freight train
comin' down the track ♪
225
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,892
♪ You can't stop it
'cause you can't ♪
226
00:10:27,943 --> 00:10:30,445
♪ Turn your back on love
227
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:33,531
♪ Love is a wrecking ball!
228
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,624
Oh, Phyllis,
229
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,492
your kisses taste so sweet
230
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,295
and your pores smell
like corn chips.
231
00:10:58,123 --> 00:11:00,842
Oh, my deep tissue is thanking
232
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,427
the shit out of you right now.
233
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:04,345
Glad you found it relaxing.
234
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,898
By the way, you two make
a really cute couple.
235
00:11:06,965 --> 00:11:08,299
Oh.
236
00:11:10,653 --> 00:11:12,070
Why did you tell the
masseuse we're a couple?
237
00:11:12,137 --> 00:11:13,321
'Cause the couple's massage came
238
00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:15,607
with a free bottle of wine.
239
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,412
(sniffing)
240
00:11:26,368 --> 00:11:27,785
So, how'd it go with Anne?
241
00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,037
Great.
242
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:30,371
I talked to her like you said
243
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:31,756
and we worked everything out.
244
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:33,991
To "funemployment."
245
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:35,210
So what do you want
to do tonight?
246
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,761
Korean barbeque or we...
247
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,630
Oh, shit.
Is it Monday?
248
00:11:38,681 --> 00:11:40,882
(groans) I'm supposed to go
with Jessica to a party tonight
249
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:43,834
at some rich
ophthalmologist's house.
250
00:11:43,886 --> 00:11:45,926
I guess it's remotely possible
I could meet someone.
251
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,972
No worries.
We'll hang out later.
252
00:11:48,023 --> 00:11:50,642
I'm gonna get dressed and
head home for a long nap.
253
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:59,016
So, how are you feeling today?
254
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,818
It's weird.
255
00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:03,854
I woke up and I don't
know how to explain it,
256
00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:07,242
but something deep in
my heart had changed.
257
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:09,544
It's like all the love
I felt for Phyllis
258
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:10,361
is now suddenly gone.
259
00:12:10,412 --> 00:12:12,863
That does happen sometimes.
260
00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:15,583
You can fall out of love just
as quickly as you fell into it.
261
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,585
Huh, you know,
I don't even care
262
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,421
if she ends up with
another bulldog.
263
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:21,756
Hell, maybe they'd be
better off together.
264
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:22,873
Well...
265
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:24,142
breeding is done for a reason.
266
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:26,177
Mating a purebred
with another purebred
267
00:12:26,228 --> 00:12:28,563
keeps things... pure.
268
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,598
Yeah.
269
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,351
I got to admit, now that
my mind is no longer lost
270
00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:35,737
in the fog of love,
it's starting to make sense.
271
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:38,323
I mean, you mix up the breeds,
who knows what you're gonna get?
272
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:39,274
Exactly.
273
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,559
Like, take Joffrey here.
274
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:43,060
(laughs)
Wait...
275
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:45,446
What?
WILFRED: Well, he-he's the product
276
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,699
of a white mother
and a Mexican father.
277
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,367
He's a mutt, just like me.
278
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,185
It's different
with people, Wilfred.
279
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,720
Joffrey's fine.
280
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:53,721
Joffrey and I
are both mongrels.
281
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:54,889
We're mistakes.
282
00:12:54,973 --> 00:12:56,357
Now, I-I wouldn't say you're...
283
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,859
No, no, no, you're
totally right.
284
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,861
Just imagine a world
285
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,363
where all of the bloodlines
were kept pure--
286
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,565
a perfect world where
there were no mistakes.
287
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,484
(phone vibrating)
288
00:13:08,153 --> 00:13:10,405
That's that job recruiter.
289
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:13,023
You going to that meeting
with her tomorrow, right?
290
00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:14,692
I don't know.
291
00:13:14,743 --> 00:13:16,794
I mean, now that Anne's staying,
what's the rush?
292
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:20,832
Ryan, if this whole Phyllis
ordeal has taught me anything,
293
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:24,419
it's that it feels good
to move on with your life.
294
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:25,970
On to bigger and better things.
295
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:27,722
Hmm.
296
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,974
Hendler-Greer specializes
in green energy
297
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:31,876
and they're looking
for a junior partner.
298
00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:35,063
Well, actually I'm sort of
leaning towards nonprofit.
299
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,648
Okay.
300
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,434
Well, have you heard
of New Horizons?
301
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,552
They're a nonprofit
that provides legal counsel
302
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,438
for victims of domestic abuse.
303
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,890
Yeah, that-that sounds great.
304
00:13:45,941 --> 00:13:47,775
But I worry that it's
a little too outside
305
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,494
of my area of expertise.
306
00:13:51,196 --> 00:13:52,113
(sighs)
307
00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:53,498
Sorry, I...
308
00:13:53,565 --> 00:13:55,083
I guess I'm kind
of a challenge.
309
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,567
It's okay.
310
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,169
I like a challenge.
311
00:13:58,236 --> 00:14:00,872
I'm sure, if we work together
long enough,
312
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,803
I'll find something
that'll pique your interest.
313
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,376
Uh...
314
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:08,679
I-I don't understand.
315
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:10,748
Are you ready to get
your dick sucked, Ryan?
316
00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:26,981
Oh!
317
00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:29,767
(gasping)
318
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,602
Wh-What's going on?
319
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:34,314
I've been doing a little
pure-breeding of my own, mate.
320
00:14:34,322 --> 00:14:37,774
I think I'll name
your baby Rysten.
321
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,711
(door closes)
322
00:14:47,516 --> 00:14:48,482
Wilfred!
323
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:49,650
Get back here!
324
00:14:55,774 --> 00:14:57,641
Shit.
325
00:14:59,161 --> 00:15:00,578
(phone line ringing)
326
00:15:00,645 --> 00:15:01,645
It's Kristen, leave a message.
327
00:15:01,696 --> 00:15:02,663
(voicemail beeps)
328
00:15:02,748 --> 00:15:04,949
Hey, uh, I-I don't know
329
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,284
if you're still taking your nap,
but I'm gonna be
330
00:15:07,335 --> 00:15:08,586
in your neighborhood,
so I thought I'd drop by.
331
00:15:08,653 --> 00:15:10,671
See you soon.
332
00:15:11,957 --> 00:15:14,008
Kristen.
333
00:15:15,427 --> 00:15:16,493
Kristen!
334
00:15:16,545 --> 00:15:17,795
(phone ringing)
335
00:15:19,214 --> 00:15:20,681
Kristen, where are you?
336
00:15:20,766 --> 00:15:22,332
- I'm at your place.
- My place?
337
00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:23,768
When I couldn't find my phone,
I realized
338
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,052
I must've left it here
earlier today.
339
00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:26,303
WILFRED:
Or perhaps someone stole it.
340
00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:27,605
Wilfred's there?
341
00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:29,006
Yeah, he was here
when I came in.
342
00:15:29,057 --> 00:15:30,357
WILFRED: Breeding a brother
with his sister
343
00:15:30,442 --> 00:15:32,393
can only result in perfect...
344
00:15:32,477 --> 00:15:34,311
Get away from him, Kristen.
345
00:15:34,362 --> 00:15:35,613
I'll be right there.
346
00:15:37,182 --> 00:15:39,533
Hey, Ryan.
Wilfred, get out of there.
347
00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:41,035
(Wilfred and Kristen laughing)
348
00:15:42,353 --> 00:15:44,238
- Ow!
- What are you doing?
349
00:15:44,322 --> 00:15:45,823
Uh, I have to take him out.
350
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:49,827
Please, tell me
you didn't do it.
351
00:15:49,878 --> 00:15:51,998
You mean extract your semen
and inseminate your sister
352
00:15:52,047 --> 00:15:53,881
so she can give birth
to a purebred Newman?
353
00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:58,135
Of course I didn't.
I'm not that sick and twisted.
354
00:15:58,203 --> 00:16:00,254
I just wanted you
to think I would,
355
00:16:00,338 --> 00:16:02,756
so you can see what it's
like to almost get bred.
356
00:16:02,841 --> 00:16:04,758
What?! Why?
357
00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:06,060
All that fear and
disgust you just felt?
358
00:16:06,144 --> 00:16:08,045
That's exactly what
Phyllis is feeling.
359
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:09,430
Instead of being
with the one dog
360
00:16:09,514 --> 00:16:11,348
she actually cares about-- me.
361
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:14,218
We should be making tender,
passionate love right now,
362
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,854
stuck ass-to-ass with
my dick bent backwards
363
00:16:16,905 --> 00:16:18,522
between my legs in
excruciating pain
364
00:16:18,573 --> 00:16:19,990
under the stars.
365
00:16:20,058 --> 00:16:22,443
What? I thought
you were over Phyllis.
366
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,745
What? Because of this?
367
00:16:25,831 --> 00:16:28,782
You knew? How?
368
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:30,668
I went on your iPad to change
my relationship status
369
00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,086
to "It's complicated,"
370
00:16:32,170 --> 00:16:34,505
and I saw the Web site
on your browser.
371
00:16:34,572 --> 00:16:35,923
So you knowingly tortured me
'cause you still
372
00:16:36,007 --> 00:16:37,374
think you're in love?
373
00:16:37,425 --> 00:16:38,926
For the last time,
I am in love.
374
00:16:39,010 --> 00:16:40,344
With someone who's destined
375
00:16:40,411 --> 00:16:42,346
to boned by her
own family member.
376
00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:45,099
So, what? Dogs don't care if
they have sex with a relative.
377
00:16:45,183 --> 00:16:47,017
Not if we don't get
a say in the matter.
378
00:16:47,085 --> 00:16:49,103
I chose to have sex
with my sister
379
00:16:49,187 --> 00:16:50,971
and my aunt and my grandfather.
380
00:16:51,056 --> 00:16:52,723
Making me think
I've impregnated my sister
381
00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:54,859
isn't even in the same ballpark
as dog breeding.
382
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,144
How did you come up
with this insane plan?
383
00:16:57,229 --> 00:16:58,312
It's obvious.
384
00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,613
I got it from Kristen.
385
00:16:59,698 --> 00:17:01,098
Well, she's basically
386
00:17:01,149 --> 00:17:02,933
been playing house
with you lately.
387
00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:04,464
Treating her brother
like her husband.
388
00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:05,786
What are you talking about?
389
00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:07,271
She keeps using you as a crutch
390
00:17:07,322 --> 00:17:08,602
the same way you keep
using Anne.
391
00:17:09,541 --> 00:17:12,042
Phyllis!
392
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,795
We will be together one day.
393
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,447
I promise!
394
00:17:17,499 --> 00:17:19,783
(boom box playing dogs howling)
395
00:17:24,806 --> 00:17:25,723
Hey.
396
00:17:25,790 --> 00:17:27,791
I was thinking
397
00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:30,394
since I'm already here,
we might as well order in;
398
00:17:30,461 --> 00:17:32,062
watch a movie.
399
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,597
Still haven't seen
Django Unchained.
400
00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,465
What? I-I thought
401
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,351
you were going to that party
with your girlfriends tonight.
402
00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:39,803
I'll just cancel-- honestly
I'm just not really in the mood
403
00:17:39,854 --> 00:17:42,022
to get dressed up
and deal with that whole scene.
404
00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:46,810
Yeah, I think you
should go to that party.
405
00:17:46,861 --> 00:17:50,114
Look, I know it must be hard.
406
00:17:50,165 --> 00:17:52,616
After your divorce,
getting back out there.
407
00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,286
It's daunting, but...
408
00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:57,838
I don't, I don't think
it's good to, you know,
409
00:17:57,923 --> 00:18:01,041
become so dependent on this
comfortable thing we've got.
410
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:05,296
I know.
411
00:18:05,347 --> 00:18:07,047
You're right.
412
00:18:07,132 --> 00:18:08,799
For what it's worth,
413
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:11,518
I'm doing the exact same
thing with this job search.
414
00:18:11,603 --> 00:18:14,388
It's like... what
if I get rejected?
415
00:18:14,472 --> 00:18:16,807
What if I fail?
416
00:18:16,858 --> 00:18:19,893
But I guess, at a certain point,
it's more dangerous
417
00:18:19,978 --> 00:18:21,779
to not move forward
with your life.
418
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:25,816
(sighs)
419
00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:36,794
Uh, is that a fanged
blow job giver?
420
00:18:38,713 --> 00:18:42,049
Um...
421
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:45,535
So, I asked Anne
to move out this morning.
422
00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:48,005
I've been putting off
getting a job for too long.
423
00:18:48,056 --> 00:18:50,557
It's a good thing,
mate-- trust me.
424
00:18:50,642 --> 00:18:52,843
Although, as you know,
if Phyllis leaves,
425
00:18:52,894 --> 00:18:54,345
then I'll have to
leave with her,
426
00:18:54,396 --> 00:18:56,647
because I will follow her
to the ends of the earth
427
00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:57,898
until the end of time.
428
00:18:57,983 --> 00:19:00,484
Yeah, and...
I've been thinking.
429
00:19:00,551 --> 00:19:03,070
Maybe some of what you said
about breeding is true.
430
00:19:03,154 --> 00:19:06,056
Thank you, Ryan;
I appreciate that.
431
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:08,075
In good time,
you, too, will see
432
00:19:08,159 --> 00:19:10,778
that Phyllis and I
truly are soul mates,
433
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:13,897
and that our love will
one day transcend...
434
00:19:13,948 --> 00:19:15,565
Oh, my God!
435
00:19:15,617 --> 00:19:17,785
Who is that disgusting
pig-like creature?
436
00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:20,254
That's Phyllis.
No way.
437
00:19:20,338 --> 00:19:22,506
That's a butter everything.
438
00:19:22,573 --> 00:19:24,591
She's basically the
dog version of Natalie
439
00:19:24,676 --> 00:19:25,876
from The Facts of Life.
Yeah.
440
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:27,628
I'm telling you,
Wilfred, that's her.
441
00:19:27,712 --> 00:19:28,912
WILFRED: Really?
Yeah.
442
00:19:28,963 --> 00:19:30,514
And, look, she's no longer
wearing a diaper
443
00:19:30,581 --> 00:19:33,017
because she's probably
no longer in heat...
444
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,270
which is why you're probably
no longer in love.
445
00:19:36,354 --> 00:19:41,191
No... I just think she looks
different in the daylight.
446
00:19:41,259 --> 00:19:43,444
Right.
447
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:51,096
Again, I'm really sorry that it
didn't work out with the dogs.
448
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:53,283
It just got a little
too crazy with Wilfred.
449
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:56,284
Oh, I totally understand, Ryan.
It's for the best.
450
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,354
And Northern California
will be nice,
451
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,889
and I'll be closer
to my boyfriend.
452
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:01,524
Well, his prison.
453
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,777
Take care.
454
00:20:03,861 --> 00:20:06,329
You, too. It's been fun.
455
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:11,084
Sorry. There was a line
at the glory hole.
456
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,902
And then this Chihuahua
got stuck,
457
00:20:12,953 --> 00:20:15,371
and his whole body was just,
like, dangling there.
458
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,373
Oh. Did I miss the good-byes?
459
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,092
Yeah.
460
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,577
Well, I'm sure
I'll see Anne again one day.
461
00:20:21,629 --> 00:20:24,247
I look forward to meeting
her future son, Andrew.
462
00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:25,882
Andrew?
463
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,601
Why would she name her son An...
(engine starts)
464
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:29,686
...drew?
465
00:20:31,299 --> 00:20:41,914
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