1 00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:03,167 Previously on "in treatment"... 2 00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:04,967 Kate ran into Laura. 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,000 What I saw was this highly-sexual woman 4 00:00:08,034 --> 00:00:10,034 who was wearing stilettos at 10:00 in the morning. 5 00:00:10,067 --> 00:00:12,401 Isn't it a little embarrassing for you, 6 00:00:12,434 --> 00:00:15,401 following your dick around like a caveman? 7 00:00:15,434 --> 00:00:17,834 Kate, I fell in love with you not just because you're... 8 00:00:17,867 --> 00:00:20,167 Beautiful and sexy but because of your strength. 9 00:00:20,201 --> 00:00:23,167 I needed that. I think we both needed that. 10 00:00:23,201 --> 00:00:25,367 Not anymore. I don't need you anymore. 11 00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:27,568 You know, you said you married him 12 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,067 because he paid such deep attention to you. 13 00:00:30,101 --> 00:00:33,134 You've outgrown that dependency. 14 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,834 So she's not my groupie anymore 15 00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:36,834 so I found somebody to replace her. 16 00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:38,934 Is that your theory? You see what she's doing? 17 00:00:38,967 --> 00:00:41,934 she's instructing you on what you should be feeling. 18 00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:44,101 Game, set and match to you, Gina. 19 00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:56,667 Hello? 20 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,167 Oh, hi. 21 00:00:59,201 --> 00:01:00,767 So, um... 22 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,600 So, what did the dermatologist say? 23 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,434 Mm-hmm. 24 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,201 Okay, so don't look in the mirror, Sophie. 25 00:01:10,234 --> 00:01:13,600 Yeah, cover the mirror up with a towel or something. 26 00:01:13,633 --> 00:01:15,568 I'm ordering you not to look at it. 27 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,000 Doctor's orders, okay? 28 00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:19,633 Take it as a challenge. 29 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:22,267 Mm-hmm. It'll pass. 30 00:01:22,301 --> 00:01:24,800 I promise. 31 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,867 Good, so call me if you need me. 32 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:29,568 bye. 33 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,101 Poor thing. 34 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:34,067 Who's that? 35 00:01:34,101 --> 00:01:36,600 A patient rosie's age. She thinks she's a freak. 36 00:01:36,633 --> 00:01:40,000 Now she's got a rash all over her body to prove it. 37 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,301 Oh, is it that sweet girl that I helped into the dry clothes? 38 00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:44,201 yes. 39 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,234 Where are my keys? 40 00:01:46,267 --> 00:01:48,733 God, do you remember when ian used to get those rashes 41 00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:51,434 every time he got the flu? So scary. 42 00:01:51,468 --> 00:01:54,334 It didn't help that I put the wrong cream on him that time. 43 00:01:54,369 --> 00:01:55,967 Do you remember? 44 00:02:02,101 --> 00:02:04,334 The spider awaits. Let's go. 45 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:25,900 So... Rosie knows. 46 00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:29,633 She asked if Paul and I were fighting 47 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:31,800 and I started off 48 00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,967 into this rather cliched speech 49 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,201 about, you know, "when two people have been together 50 00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:38,267 as long as your father and I have, 51 00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:39,767 it's not some romantic movie 52 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,667 where everybody lives happily ever after-- " 53 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,367 whatever. Whatever. 54 00:02:44,401 --> 00:02:47,034 As if that's what she thought to begin with, 55 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,700 like she's some little girl. 56 00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:52,101 What did she say? 57 00:02:52,134 --> 00:02:55,134 Typical rosie-- she cut right to the Chase 58 00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,733 and she asked me if I was sleeping with somebody. 59 00:02:57,767 --> 00:03:00,934 Why would she suspect that? 60 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,201 when I was in rome, 61 00:03:05,234 --> 00:03:07,134 she called me 62 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,534 and she heard edward in the background. 63 00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:12,468 Of course, she doesn't tell me this though, 64 00:03:12,501 --> 00:03:15,667 so... I got defensive. 65 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,900 I got kinda vague 66 00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:20,334 and I said, "what makes you think that I'm seeing somebody?" 67 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,034 I almost said, "why me? Why not your father?" 68 00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:25,334 but thank God I didn't. 69 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:29,468 Finally she told me that she knew. 70 00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:37,967 What about the boys? 71 00:03:39,568 --> 00:03:42,800 Well, I spoke to ian. Not about Kate's-- 72 00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:44,401 Kate's affair but, um. 73 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:47,534 Just about the tension in the house. 74 00:03:47,568 --> 00:03:49,334 Why didn't you tell me about that? 75 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:50,767 Well, I'm telling you now. 76 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,201 Why can we not talk about this at home? 77 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,201 I don't understand that. 78 00:03:56,234 --> 00:03:58,501 - What did you say to him? - I said we were working 79 00:03:58,534 --> 00:03:59,867 through some disagreements. 80 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:03,301 He asked me if I was interested in anybody else, 81 00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,234 and I said that I had 82 00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,733 feelings for somebody else 83 00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:10,034 but that nothing had happened. 84 00:04:12,401 --> 00:04:15,967 Well, that's great. That's just really great. 85 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,568 Did you think for a minute that maybe 86 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:21,201 that was something we could've handled together? 87 00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:26,067 Ito go to romen to rosie. With somebody else, dad? 88 00:04:26,101 --> 00:04:29,034 Fix it, dad." That's what she said. 89 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:31,234 Like it was all upo me... Again. 90 00:04:31,267 --> 00:04:35,334 And just after that, ian came in, so... 91 00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:38,468 I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to come clean. 92 00:04:38,501 --> 00:04:40,468 How do you think he took that, 93 00:04:40,501 --> 00:04:42,468 you having feelings for someone else? 94 00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:45,667 Well, I think it hit him hard 95 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,667 but, you know, he toughed it out. 96 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,700 "it's okay, dad, it's cool." That kind of thing. 97 00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,434 Well, that's no surprise. 98 00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:55,367 Ian's always been on Paul's side of the argument, always. 99 00:04:55,401 --> 00:04:57,267 - that's not true. - Yes, it is true. 100 00:04:57,301 --> 00:04:58,733 You're always the poor, innocent lamb 101 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,667 and I'm always the monster. It is true. 102 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,434 When in fact, you're blameless, is that what you're 103 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,534 - trying to say? - No, that's not what I'm saying. 104 00:05:05,568 --> 00:05:08,201 You know you've never once-- once-- taken 105 00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:09,700 responsibility for what you did? 106 00:05:09,733 --> 00:05:11,700 You've been sitting here for three weeks 107 00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:14,267 and you never once said, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." 108 00:05:14,301 --> 00:05:15,867 Really, I've never said that? 109 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,800 - I've heard her say that. - When? 110 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:21,234 I've heard her say that a number of times-- here. 111 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:23,767 Actually, one time she said it was a stupid mistake. 112 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,767 - I didn't hear that. - 'Cause you don't wanna hear it. 113 00:05:28,434 --> 00:05:29,934 What do you mean by that, Kate? 114 00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:32,767 If he'd heard it, it would force him into deciding 115 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,334 whether he's willing to forgive me or not, 116 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,101 and he's obviously not willing to forgive me 117 00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:38,967 because he hasn't made up his mind about this other woman yet. 118 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000 wow. 119 00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:44,568 Wow. Anything else I should know about me? 120 00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:51,600 By the way, another thing we haven't talked about-- 121 00:05:51,633 --> 00:05:54,034 You keep saying that I haven't been around, 122 00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:56,134 that I don't see my kids, that I don't see, 123 00:05:56,167 --> 00:06:00,167 that I don't give, that I only focus on myself. 124 00:06:00,201 --> 00:06:03,501 Can we talk about what kind of mother you've been? 125 00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:05,367 Can we talk about that? 126 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,034 Yeah, sure. Okay. 127 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,534 Let's talk about that. 128 00:06:11,568 --> 00:06:13,034 Okay. 129 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:16,468 Impatient, nagging-- Just ask them, 130 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,034 they'll tell you. 131 00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,967 Anything they do isn't good enough for you. 132 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,568 Okay. 133 00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:24,667 You should really be quiet right now 134 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,867 'cause you're sort of embarrassing yourself. 135 00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,867 Where the hell have you been for the past year? 136 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,967 past year? What about the past decade? 137 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,034 You don't know a thing about your children-- 138 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:36,401 Ian, maybe a little bit. 139 00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:39,401 Max? Rosie? Jesus. 140 00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,600 You don't know who she's hanging out with, 141 00:06:41,633 --> 00:06:43,468 what she does. You don't have a clue. 142 00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:46,700 He still thinks that she's this virginal little thing 143 00:06:46,733 --> 00:06:49,501 who doesn't go off with her friends and party or try drugs. 144 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,667 - That she's just this... Daddy's little girl. - What drugs? 145 00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:57,501 Come on, I'm asking you: 146 00:06:57,534 --> 00:06:59,534 what drugs? 147 00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:05,101 Look, she goes to concerts with her friends 148 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,767 and she smokes pot, 149 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,867 but, you know, I guess because she's your daughter 150 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:12,568 you think she doesn't do that sort of thing. 151 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,700 Did she tell you that? That she smokes pot? 152 00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:17,301 Who else can she tell? 153 00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:20,401 - She could've told me. - Really? 154 00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:27,434 So what did you say to her? 155 00:07:27,468 --> 00:07:31,067 I told her that, if she did it once, that it's not a big deal. 156 00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:33,101 That one joint is certainly not gonna make you a junkie. 157 00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:35,600 So basically you said it's okay 158 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:37,501 if she gets high and smokes pot. 159 00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,267 Come on, all of her friends smoke. 160 00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:40,733 - that's what they do. - So? 161 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,534 she tried some, she wanted to talk about it. 162 00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:45,034 All her friends smoke. So you buy into that? 163 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,867 You kn what? I'm really happy that she feels 164 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,633 that she can come to me and talk to me about it. 165 00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,700 I feel really good about that. 166 00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:57,767 So is this how she got involved with this noah guy? 167 00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:01,434 Noah is rosie's boyfriend. 168 00:08:01,468 --> 00:08:03,700 No, she's into noah because he's a boy. 169 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,900 It's got nothing to do with drugs whatsoever. 170 00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:08,867 Are they sleeping with each other? 171 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,201 Yes or no? 172 00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:26,301 Rosie's on the pill. 173 00:08:31,034 --> 00:08:34,401 But, I mean, you're so close to her, you must know that, right? 174 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:41,267 How did you find this out? 175 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:52,000 I took her to the gynecologist myself 176 00:08:52,034 --> 00:08:55,800 - about three months ago. - Why wouldn't you tell me that? 177 00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,468 because she asked me not to. 178 00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:00,767 so? 179 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,167 Well, it's between her and me, Paul. 180 00:09:03,201 --> 00:09:05,234 Wow, sex and drugs, nice. 181 00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:06,800 They're not in the same category. 182 00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:08,301 Do you know how often she smokes? 183 00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:09,733 do you know what she smokes? 184 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,367 do you know what they put in this shit now? 185 00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:12,967 is she keeping you up to date on that? 186 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,800 She's not a drug addict, so why don't you just relax? 187 00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,733 I'm not gonna relax because this isn't about 188 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,468 whether rosie smokes pot or not. 189 00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:21,434 It's about you keeping it from me. 190 00:09:21,468 --> 00:09:23,000 That's the issue. 191 00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:25,034 You took her to a gynecologist without telling me. 192 00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,967 - she's a child. - She's not a child. 193 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,167 She's our child-- ours. 194 00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:39,967 Well, I guess you kind of enjoyed keeping it from me. 195 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,967 Gives you some kind of control, does it? 196 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,301 Got such a kick out of your little conspiracy, 197 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,468 you forgot to be concerned about rosie. 198 00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:49,867 Not everything I do is for your benefit. 199 00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:52,534 - Does ian smoke pot? - Oh, for Christ's sake. 200 00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:54,867 In college? I certainly hope not. 201 00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,301 Well, it appears I live 202 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,900 in some kind of an alternate reality. 203 00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,900 If one of her teachers kept that kind of 204 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,534 information from me, it would be bad. 205 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,134 But you're her mother. It's worse. 206 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:06,367 It makes it a hundred times worse. 207 00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:13,501 Paul, let's look 208 00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:15,534 at how you're reacting. 209 00:10:16,401 --> 00:10:18,101 Now Kate was saying 210 00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:20,334 that this is why she's afraid to tell you things, 211 00:10:20,367 --> 00:10:23,234 - rosie too. - Who wouldn't be pissed off 212 00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:24,900 if their wife didn't tell them, 213 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:26,633 if their wife didn't include them? 214 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,600 There are reasons to be angry. 215 00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:31,468 But can you look beyond that for a minute? 216 00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:35,267 Kate's trying to tell you something about rosie, 217 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,234 about her relationship with rosie. You're not heang it. 218 00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:41,267 - I think I am. - No, you're not. 219 00:10:41,301 --> 00:10:43,134 No, the way you're looking at it, 220 00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:45,900 they're excluding you, 221 00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:48,800 but Kate's talking about their own relationship, 222 00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:51,367 their intimacy, their trust. 223 00:10:58,301 --> 00:11:02,167 You know, last week when you were here, 224 00:11:02,201 --> 00:11:04,134 you had a legitimate concern 225 00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:06,534 about rosie when she disappeared for a day. 226 00:11:06,568 --> 00:11:09,633 We're back here again today 227 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,900 and we're still talking about rosie. 228 00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:14,568 Now a lot of these things are important. 229 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,667 They absolutely should be addressed, 230 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,134 but I'm wondering if we don't 231 00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:21,800 keep on talking about rosie 232 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:25,967 because we're avoiding the issues that brought you here. 233 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,134 Okay. 234 00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:45,267 Let's try imago. 235 00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,667 What does that mean? 236 00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:56,401 Come on, Gina, you're kidding. 237 00:11:57,667 --> 00:12:00,501 Paul, I'm trying to get a dialogue started. 238 00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:03,700 Wait. Hello, what's imago? 239 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:07,568 It's this pop psychology 240 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600 from the '80s. The most earnest kind of bullshit. 241 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,101 Paul. 242 00:12:12,134 --> 00:12:14,234 It's a type of couples therapy 243 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,134 where you reflect each other's feelings. 244 00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:18,434 When I used to work with you, you used to laugh at it. 245 00:12:18,468 --> 00:12:21,167 There's a lot of it that's... Bullshit. 246 00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:22,600 Yeah. 247 00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:25,834 But it can be useful 248 00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:28,967 to get a dialogue going. 249 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,667 We can do it for a little while and then we'll drop it. 250 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,900 So-- I don't understand. When you say "reflect" 251 00:12:34,934 --> 00:12:36,999 Gina, please don't make us do this. 252 00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:39,767 Can understand what it is before we make that decision? 253 00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:46,967 Okay. 254 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,568 What Paul said was right. It's about reflection. 255 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,267 One person begins and the other person... 256 00:12:53,301 --> 00:12:55,201 Answers. 257 00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:58,468 So Paul will say, 258 00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:02,067 "I'm upset about what you did last night." 259 00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:04,834 And you respond, "I hear that you're upset 260 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,234 about my behavior last night." 261 00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:09,967 And Paul will confirm or he'll correct you 262 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,600 if you left something out. 263 00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:14,000 We do that for a while 264 00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:17,568 and then the listening person summarizes what they heard. 265 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,568 Those of us who can still hear. 266 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,434 The more you bitch about this, the more I wanna do it, 267 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,568 - so just-- - Of course. 268 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,101 How do we start, Gina? 269 00:13:26,134 --> 00:13:27,834 Okay, so turn so you're facing each other. 270 00:13:27,867 --> 00:13:30,700 Oh, Gina. 271 00:13:30,733 --> 00:13:32,700 Well, we're definitely doing it now, so-- 272 00:13:32,733 --> 00:13:35,800 Okay, face each other. Paul, would you face-- 273 00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:37,468 okay, fine fine fine. 274 00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:40,367 We'll do an imago. 275 00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:42,834 Okay, move in a little closer. 276 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,568 Who wants to go first? 277 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,534 Me, I will. 278 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,568 Okay. 279 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,733 Oh... 280 00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:00,633 He only repeats, right? That's it. 281 00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,134 That's right, nothing else-- 282 00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:04,134 No comments, no reactions, 283 00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:06,867 - no analysis. - Okay. 284 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,134 Liking this already. 285 00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,401 During these sessions with Gina, 286 00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:17,034 I've started to learn a lot 287 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:19,334 about myself... 288 00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,568 And about you. 289 00:14:22,733 --> 00:14:24,334 Paul? 290 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,468 yeah, I... 291 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,501 I hear you say 292 00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,034 since we've been seeing Gina, 293 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,600 you've started to understand 294 00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:37,134 a lot about... Yourself. 295 00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:40,600 And about you. 296 00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:43,900 And about me. 297 00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:48,501 Yeah, in my heart of hearts, 298 00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:51,334 I really did not want to come here, 299 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:53,501 but I realized that I was willing 300 00:14:53,534 --> 00:14:55,401 to do whatever it took 301 00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:59,367 because I cannot get through to you at home. 302 00:14:59,401 --> 00:15:01,934 And I thought, at least 303 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:04,034 in this setting, 304 00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:06,534 you might just have to listen to me. 305 00:15:06,568 --> 00:15:08,167 So you didn'twant to come h 306 00:15:08,201 --> 00:15:09,800 but you thought this was a place 307 00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:13,468 you might get me to listen. 308 00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:15,101 Yeah? 309 00:15:15,134 --> 00:15:16,900 Yeah. 310 00:15:16,934 --> 00:15:19,201 But having Gina here 311 00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:23,134 has helped me to realize that many of my feelings... 312 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:27,101 Are in fact legitimate. 313 00:15:30,468 --> 00:15:32,767 So you think that having Gina here 314 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,834 to listen to us squabble-- 315 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,468 Paul. 316 00:15:39,201 --> 00:15:41,167 Being here with Gina 317 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:43,800 helps you realize 318 00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:47,501 that your feelings are... Legitimate. 319 00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:50,301 Yeah. 320 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:55,367 And I also have begun to understand 321 00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:57,501 that my... 322 00:15:59,201 --> 00:16:02,134 Involvement with edward 323 00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:05,900 was most likely 324 00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:08,700 some kind of reaction 325 00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:11,134 to things I've been carrying with me 326 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,234 for many many years. 327 00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:18,101 You think that cheating on me with edward 328 00:16:18,134 --> 00:16:20,167 was a reaction to something from your childhood? 329 00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:22,367 no. Paul, come on. 330 00:16:26,101 --> 00:16:28,101 Okay. 331 00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:32,134 Your relationship... 332 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,834 With edward 333 00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,767 was a reaction 334 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,234 to something that you've been carrying around for years? 335 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,934 Yeah? 336 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,401 yeah. 337 00:16:45,434 --> 00:16:47,000 A reaction to what, exactly? 338 00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:49,600 Don't ask questions. Just listen to her. 339 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:52,867 Imago. Jesus Christ, Gina. What's happened to you? 340 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:55,101 Okay. Okay. 341 00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:57,600 What else? 342 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:02,167 I think Gina's also right that... 343 00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:07,434 Your thing with Laura, 344 00:17:07,468 --> 00:17:10,267 that's, um... 345 00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:13,434 That's a reaction to things that you've been carrying around. 346 00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:19,733 Paul. 347 00:17:20,733 --> 00:17:22,967 Can I...? 348 00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:30,067 what I'm trying to say is that 349 00:17:30,101 --> 00:17:34,167 I get that it's not all your fault. 350 00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:39,034 I get that I have done my part. 351 00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:42,367 And, you know, I've been so busy 352 00:17:42,401 --> 00:17:46,000 trying to be always your girlfriend, 353 00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:48,334 your wife, the mother... 354 00:17:50,434 --> 00:17:52,633 And I've never... 355 00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:01,733 That I just never allowed myself 356 00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:04,834 to be Kate, really. 357 00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:08,633 And how can that possibly be your fault? 358 00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:15,134 So what you're saying is 359 00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,234 that you let yourself get locked into a kind of-- 360 00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:22,034 I don't know-- Dependent, maternal role? 361 00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:26,067 It's just how I saw myself, really. 362 00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:27,600 I never questioned it. 363 00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:30,834 You know, all this caretaking 364 00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:33,334 and pleasing other people, it's... 365 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:36,934 You know, only feeling safe as one-half of something. 366 00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:40,267 And even looking at the gas Bill-- "Mrs. Dr. Paul Weston." 367 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:46,967 I guess it never even occurred to me 368 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,434 that I had the strength to do things on my own. 369 00:18:49,468 --> 00:18:53,367 But Kate, you run a shelter for battered women. 370 00:18:53,401 --> 00:18:57,234 You work with codependents, alcoholics, kids at risk. 371 00:18:57,267 --> 00:18:59,867 Your work has such a positive effect 372 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:03,367 on so many people's lives. 373 00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:08,633 But that's... 374 00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,700 Paul? 375 00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:15,733 could you reflect? 376 00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:24,434 Do we switch around now? 377 00:19:26,134 --> 00:19:28,267 Yeah. 378 00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:32,067 Okay. 379 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,501 I want to say 380 00:19:37,534 --> 00:19:41,267 that I was listening to you. 381 00:19:41,301 --> 00:19:43,434 And that, um... 382 00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:47,434 I hear you. 383 00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:51,000 It hurts me to realize 384 00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:53,301 that I've been married to you for all this time 385 00:19:53,334 --> 00:19:55,867 and I didn't know that you felt this way. 386 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,633 I should have. 387 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:01,967 And I'm angry 388 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,967 at myself for that. 389 00:20:15,834 --> 00:20:19,167 I hear you saying that you didn't know that I felt this way. 390 00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,167 Okay? 391 00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:23,034 Yeah. 392 00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:29,134 I'm scared. 393 00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,134 I'm frightened. 394 00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,867 I've had so many patients who were in this situation, 395 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:40,767 it's almost like... 396 00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:45,800 It's like deja vu. 397 00:20:47,934 --> 00:20:51,234 And where these couples end up, 398 00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:54,201 with one person leaving to find themselves... 399 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,600 I hear you saying 400 00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:06,867 that you're afraid that I'll leave you. 401 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,367 No, I didn't say... 402 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,301 "leave me." 403 00:21:11,334 --> 00:21:15,067 Is that what you want? 404 00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:30,600 Gina, you said... 405 00:21:30,633 --> 00:21:33,501 That I might've pushed... 406 00:21:36,067 --> 00:21:40,134 Kate into her... Affair 407 00:21:40,167 --> 00:21:44,600 because of my... Feings for Laura. 408 00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:47,867 Maybe it's the other way around. 409 00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,501 My feelings for Laura were... 410 00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:54,367 The reaction 411 00:21:54,401 --> 00:21:58,434 to what Kate's been going through 412 00:21:58,468 --> 00:22:01,534 herself. 413 00:22:01,568 --> 00:22:05,534 Well, you're both going through something. 414 00:22:05,568 --> 00:22:07,501 She's struggling with dynamic 415 00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:09,633 that existed before you met: 416 00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:13,234 to cater to others, 417 00:22:13,267 --> 00:22:16,201 to please, to adapt to others. 418 00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:20,067 And your past informs the way, uh... 419 00:22:20,101 --> 00:22:22,367 You act with Laura. 420 00:22:22,401 --> 00:22:24,867 You're looking for that younger woman 421 00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:27,534 that you can nurture, who looks up to you 422 00:22:27,568 --> 00:22:29,700 the way Kate used to. 423 00:22:37,667 --> 00:22:41,401 But that also makes you confront the situation with your father, 424 00:22:41,434 --> 00:22:43,867 which is frightening. 425 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,568 You were 14 when he left? 426 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,468 - 15. - 15. 427 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,434 Your mother had a nervous breakdown. 428 00:22:51,468 --> 00:22:53,700 You had to take care of her. 429 00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:56,568 She was giving you nothing in return. 430 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,534 Maybe you were trying to address that 431 00:22:59,568 --> 00:23:01,301 in your relationship with Kate-- 432 00:23:01,334 --> 00:23:03,367 Looking for the mothering 433 00:23:03,401 --> 00:23:06,134 that you didn't get. 434 00:23:06,167 --> 00:23:09,267 At the same time, 435 00:23:09,301 --> 00:23:11,267 you need to protect yourself 436 00:23:11,301 --> 00:23:13,800 from needing it so much 437 00:23:13,834 --> 00:23:17,234 because there's always the risk of losing it. 438 00:23:17,267 --> 00:23:20,834 And so you pull away, you bury yourself in your work. 439 00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:24,633 You want Kate there, you always want her there 440 00:23:24,667 --> 00:23:26,800 but you want her at arm's length. 441 00:23:29,967 --> 00:23:32,867 So, maybe... 442 00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:35,334 Now we have some idea... 443 00:23:37,434 --> 00:23:39,600 Of what's been happening between you 444 00:23:39,633 --> 00:23:41,600 and maybe now we can just begin 445 00:23:41,633 --> 00:23:44,834 to steer the ship back on course? 446 00:23:47,733 --> 00:23:49,468 Don't know. 447 00:23:49,501 --> 00:23:53,034 - mm-hmm. - I honestly don't know. 448 00:23:53,067 --> 00:23:55,134 I just feel that... 449 00:23:57,201 --> 00:24:00,800 We've been going in the same direction for so long, 450 00:24:03,134 --> 00:24:06,568 maybe the best thing would be for me to just get off the ship. 451 00:24:10,501 --> 00:24:13,967 What are you saying? 452 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,867 Are you saying that you want to leave? 453 00:24:19,401 --> 00:24:22,468 I'm not sure, Paul. 454 00:24:30,834 --> 00:24:33,468 Yeah, I just want to say-- 455 00:24:33,501 --> 00:24:36,733 and I don't mean this in a patronizing way, 456 00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:40,434 but it's not uncommon 457 00:24:40,468 --> 00:24:44,334 for couples your age to be at this crossroads. 458 00:24:44,367 --> 00:24:46,600 That doesn't mean that what you're going through 459 00:24:46,633 --> 00:24:50,534 isn't complicated and painful. 460 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,067 And, like Paul said, it does sometimes end 461 00:24:55,101 --> 00:24:57,900 with someone leaving. 462 00:24:59,334 --> 00:25:02,434 But no one has left here yet. 463 00:25:02,468 --> 00:25:04,633 And, though it may not seem so 464 00:25:04,667 --> 00:25:07,034 right now at this moment, 465 00:25:07,067 --> 00:25:10,934 I don't think anybody's quite ready to leave. 466 00:25:21,167 --> 00:25:24,034 Okay, well, 467 00:25:24,067 --> 00:25:26,501 give me a call, 468 00:25:26,534 --> 00:25:28,834 and let me know about next Friday. 469 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,101 Okay. 470 00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:37,267 Thanks, Gina. 471 00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:55,534 Bye, dear. 472 00:25:58,867 --> 00:26:00,934 Hello? 473 00:26:00,967 --> 00:26:03,067 Yes, this is he. 474 00:26:06,501 --> 00:26:08,633 Mm-hmm.