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Previously on New Girl...
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We're at a wedding together.
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Guys, guys, shut and
listen to me... it's Cece.
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She doesn't want to get married.
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I'm sorry, everyone,
but I can't do this.
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What I want is to be
with someone else.
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Are you in love with her
or are you in love with me?
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You have to decide.
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We tried.
We had one night.
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Okay, what happened
with Jess?
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We called it.
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Yeah, when things get messy
you just run away.
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I know you think
we should call it.
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(Sniffles) But I don't want
to give up on this.
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(Both laughing)
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You know what?
I gotta say, Jess,
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I really like you.
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- I really, really like you.
- I really like you.
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I can't believe this is happening.
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- It's crazy, but it's happening.
- It's crazy.
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I like you so much.
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- Yeah, I like you so much.
- Like...
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- Yeah.
- I'm just...
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- What?
- I'm in. You know?
25
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I'm...
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- I'm just all in.
- I'm all in.
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I'm, like, weirdly all in.
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- Hey, Nick...
- What?
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Pull over.
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(Jess giggling)
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NICK:
Well, that was fun.
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(Laughing)
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We finally broke in the Volvo.
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(Giggling)
Oh, my.
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What's next?
What do we do now?
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I'm really fighting the urge
to buy you a lobster dinner.
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Do we just go home?
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(Both chuckle weakly)
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You know, I mean, just
how is it actually gonna work?
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We've only been
dating for 30 minutes
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and we're already living together.
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What if you get tired of me,
and you have nowhere to go
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because we're roommates, and
so you have to sleep in your car...
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Hey. Stop.
That's not gonna happen.
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I've wanted this for so long.
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I don't want anything
to go wrong.
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(Phone chirps)
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Oh, it's Schmidt.
He's freaking out about Cece.
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He doesn't need to reach you
all the time.
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You know what? You're right.
I'm gonna ignore it for now.
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It's all about us right now.
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(Phone chimes)
Hmm.
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It's Schmidt.
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He wants to know
where you are.
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He texted you to ask
where I am?
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(Phone chimes)
That's... ugh.
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He just texted
I'm a bad friend.
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You know what that is?
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Either male genitalia,
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or a really big thumbs down.
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- Why would he send me male genitalia?
- Why can't he talk to Winston?
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Well, without me, they get so weird
and they fight all the time.
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This is what I'm talk...
(Phone chimes)
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How many times a day
does Schmidt text you?
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I don't know, I'll just say 40.
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How...
(Phone chimes)
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See, this is what I'm talking about.
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I feel like we need time alone...
(phone chimes)
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so we can figure out what this is.
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(Phone chimes)
Yes. This is what I want.
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I want to be with you alone,
without anybody else.
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Just you and...
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Where have you been?
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I'm having a major life crisis,
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and you guys are, what?
Just driving around,
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French-kissing each other
like a couple Dutch hookers?
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What is that, Nick?
Is that a hickey?
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- Disgusting!
- Hey, you guys.
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Um, I've been doing
a lot of thinking.
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Now, I know everyone's
going through a lot,
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but I think it is time
for me to start a puzzle.
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No, it isn't.
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What is going on with you two?
Are you, like, a couple now?
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Have you thought
any of this through?
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Nick, please help me, okay?
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Stop being so selfish
and just help me.
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Okay, you know what?
Give me one minute,
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- I'll be right inside.
- We'll be right in.
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Yeah, we just got to
figure something out.
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All right! Thanks, man.
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- The gang's back.
- We'll be right in.
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Yeah, good-bye, guys.
We love you guys.
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- Run!
- Run!
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♪ Who's that girl? ♪
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♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
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3.01 - All In
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
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SCHMIDT:
Well, Winston,
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after 25 unanswered text messages
to Nick and Jess this morning,
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I finally received a response.
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A smiley face.
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This leaves us with one choice...
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- To become best friends.
- Huh? Yeah, fine.
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For r...? Okay, great.
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Now, as my best friend,
I expect you to
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be willing to sacrifice
everything for me
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at a moment's notice,
including, of course,
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unfortunately for you,
your dignity.
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- Yeah, fine.
- Winston, what can I do for you?
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Don't talk to me that much,
never lie to me,
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and never,
ever touch my puzzle.
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Winston, do we... (chuckles)
do we think now
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is really the right time
to be starting a puzzle?
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(Laughs)
I'm great at puzzles.
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You're a born puzzler, Winston,
sure, um, but...
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don't you agree that sometimes,
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when you start puzzles,
you get a little bit weird?
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And, I don't know, intense?
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(Humming)
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Spend a lot of time humming.
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Also spend a lot of time naked.
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♪ I'm gonna do you, puzzle! ♪
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Right on the table.
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As nasty as you want to be.
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Hey, Schmidt, what do you
think it's gonna look like?
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What do I think it's
going to look like...?
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- Yeah, the puzzle.
- Winston, it's on the box.
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The... the picture's on the box.
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It's a Japanese garden!
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Schmidt, calm down.
What is your problem?
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Two women
are in love with me.
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The problem is, is I'm
in love with both of them.
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Okay, looks like you're
gonna have to choose.
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Cece and I,
we have this connection.
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You know, it's physical...
it's unhealthy.
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Look, I don't want to
get too graphic with you,
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but I'm not just the plug
with her.
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I'm also a socket.
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God... okay, fine.
139
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- Schmidt, choose Cece.
- Yeah, but...
140
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- I was dating Elizabeth first, so...
- Mm-hmm.
141
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Wait a minute... Winston...
I was dating Elizabeth first.
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- You want to know what I think?
- No, I don't. Done.
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Decided. Ha!
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Cece, out.
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I was dating Elizabeth first.
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- My man! Way to talk that out.
- Yeah.
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- Best friends.
- Best friends.
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SCHMIDT:
This is gonna work out, man.
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Yeah, it's gonna work out, man.
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♪ Puzzling ♪
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♪ Winston is about
to do some puzzling ♪
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♪ About to get into
some puzzle troubling ♪
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So, in conclusion,
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it's a... you know,
it's a very difficult decision
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that I've had to...
that, you know,
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that you guys
have put me in, here,
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but I just...
I'm gonna be candid.
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I've been up for 24 hours.
I have to return all of these gifts.
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So just say it.
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You don't want to be with me.
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Wh... huh?
162
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Look... look at that.
163
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I just looked down
and I thought,
164
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"This girl must be wearing sneakers
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"with shoelaces, and th-those
shoelaces must be tied together,
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because this girl
is straight trippin', yo."
167
00:05:48,457 --> 00:05:50,892
- What?
- Of course I want to be with you.
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00:05:52,461 --> 00:05:54,362
(Chuckles)
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But I feel so terrible for Elizabeth.
170
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How did she take it?
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Sh... She took it.
172
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In the marketplace of ideas,
where...
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culture is king,
174
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and data moves faster
than people,
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where scalable opportunities
come from turnkey solutions...
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What are you trying to say,
Schmidt?
177
00:06:15,184 --> 00:06:16,685
Is it over?
178
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,721
No... no.
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As if.
180
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Of course I picked you.
It wasn't even close.
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Come here,
you crazy white girl.
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There it is.
183
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Poor Cece.
184
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Uh, yeah, okay.
185
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(Lively Mexican music
playing on radio)
186
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Oh...
187
00:06:38,074 --> 00:06:39,407
I fell asleep.
188
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- (Chuckles)
- How long have you been driving?
189
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,615
Those cops look like they're about 15
and they have huge guns.
190
00:06:48,984 --> 00:06:50,618
Jess, are we in Mexico?
191
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All in!
192
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- We're in Mexico!
- (Laughs)
193
00:06:54,857 --> 00:06:57,558
Oh, my God, pull over!
That piñata's shaped like a monkey!
194
00:07:00,818 --> 00:07:01,828
You know what?
195
00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,385
It's gonna be weird
going back to having sex
196
00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:05,888
without a bunch of feral dogs
watching.
197
00:07:06,056 --> 00:07:07,290
(Laughs)
198
00:07:07,324 --> 00:07:08,524
Why am I not hungry?
199
00:07:08,559 --> 00:07:09,859
I should be hungry.
200
00:07:09,893 --> 00:07:11,327
Remember when we lived
in that loft,
201
00:07:11,361 --> 00:07:13,463
and, like, we had
all those problems?
202
00:07:13,497 --> 00:07:14,697
(Laughing):
Yeah.
203
00:07:14,731 --> 00:07:16,799
(Phone ringing)
204
00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:21,571
All in!
205
00:07:22,706 --> 00:07:24,106
Voice mail?
206
00:07:24,141 --> 00:07:25,708
Again?
207
00:07:25,742 --> 00:07:27,844
Where have you been?
It's been four days, man.
208
00:07:27,878 --> 00:07:30,313
Have you really been doing
it with Jess this whole time?
209
00:07:30,347 --> 00:07:31,581
That's disgusting.
210
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,383
Nick, I did something really wrong,
211
00:07:34,418 --> 00:07:36,385
and, uh...
212
00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:37,954
I just... I need to talk to you.
213
00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:39,188
I need to talk to my friend.
214
00:07:39,223 --> 00:07:40,490
Come home.
215
00:07:44,194 --> 00:07:46,362
Yeah, I should try him again.
216
00:07:46,396 --> 00:07:48,564
Dial best friend... one.
217
00:07:51,502 --> 00:07:54,303
- Let's stay here.
- We're totally out of money.
218
00:07:54,338 --> 00:07:56,372
- We got this great setup.
- No, this is not gonna last long.
219
00:07:56,406 --> 00:07:58,140
It's not gonna last long.
It isn't.
220
00:07:58,175 --> 00:08:00,076
This is a badly built shelter.
221
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,645
We'll go right there.
222
00:08:02,679 --> 00:08:04,881
How hard could that
place be to sneak into?
223
00:08:04,915 --> 00:08:05,848
You all in?
224
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:08,084
JESS:
Nick, this has been fun, but...
225
00:08:08,118 --> 00:08:11,087
Okay, look, everything that's bad
is waiting for us back in the loft.
226
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:12,188
But here?
227
00:08:12,222 --> 00:08:13,823
I'm Paradise Nick.
228
00:08:13,857 --> 00:08:16,526
And Paradise Nick is mega-chill.
229
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,161
And you're Paradise Jess, right?
230
00:08:19,196 --> 00:08:20,563
We can make food and just...
231
00:08:25,269 --> 00:08:26,769
- All in.
- All in.
232
00:08:28,572 --> 00:08:30,573
(Whispering):
It don't work like that.
233
00:08:30,607 --> 00:08:31,841
If you... uh...
234
00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:32,909
(Scoffs)
235
00:08:32,943 --> 00:08:34,911
Hey, man, how'd she take it?
236
00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:36,445
Devastated. I'm sure
glad that's settled.
237
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,713
Hey, man, I'm gonna go shower.
238
00:08:37,748 --> 00:08:38,948
I'm proud of you.
239
00:08:38,982 --> 00:08:41,117
I know it must have been tough.
240
00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:43,452
Hey, Schmidt, who do you call
if puzzle pieces are broken?
241
00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:44,754
Oh. Hey, Winston.
242
00:08:44,788 --> 00:08:46,022
Is, uh, is Schmidt home?
243
00:08:46,056 --> 00:08:47,390
Cece.
244
00:08:47,424 --> 00:08:49,492
Oh, my goodness. Hi.
245
00:08:50,494 --> 00:08:51,727
Do you need a hug?
246
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:53,396
All right.
247
00:08:53,430 --> 00:08:55,097
(Laughs, grunts)
248
00:08:55,132 --> 00:08:57,900
(Winston humming a jazzy tune)
249
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,104
Is Schmidt even here, Winston?
250
00:09:03,507 --> 00:09:05,408
Yeah. Yeah, he's in the shower.
251
00:09:05,442 --> 00:09:07,410
Um... Cece, I just want to say,
252
00:09:07,444 --> 00:09:10,313
on my end,
that I am so, so sorry.
253
00:09:10,347 --> 00:09:11,581
CECE:
Sorry about what?
254
00:09:11,615 --> 00:09:13,249
You know, uh... Elizabeth.
255
00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:14,884
Well, what about Elizabeth?
256
00:09:14,918 --> 00:09:17,286
He made love to her.
257
00:09:17,321 --> 00:09:20,089
Winston made love to Elizabeth.
258
00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:24,961
After I chose you,
259
00:09:24,995 --> 00:09:27,129
Winston was all too quick,
260
00:09:27,164 --> 00:09:28,798
in Elizabeth's vulnerable state,
261
00:09:28,832 --> 00:09:31,167
to rush in there and
just get his jollies off.
262
00:09:31,201 --> 00:09:34,770
His sweaty, disgusting jollies.
263
00:09:34,805 --> 00:09:35,771
Seriously?
264
00:09:35,806 --> 00:09:38,335
I mean, she must have just been
so upset and hurt...
265
00:09:38,373 --> 00:09:40,076
I didn't even know
you were interested in her.
266
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,444
SCHMIDT:
Tell her what you did, Winston,
267
00:09:41,478 --> 00:09:42,912
and give her the short version,
268
00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:44,780
which you did not give to Elizabeth.
269
00:09:44,815 --> 00:09:45,781
Wha...?
270
00:09:45,816 --> 00:09:47,783
What I did... um...
271
00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:51,287
Okay, well, I drove over there...
272
00:09:51,989 --> 00:09:53,789
to seduce her.
273
00:09:54,825 --> 00:09:57,426
And I seduced her...
274
00:09:57,461 --> 00:09:59,462
two and a half times.
275
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:04,433
Puzzle me this, then,
Winston...
276
00:10:04,468 --> 00:10:05,868
How do you live with yourself?
277
00:10:05,902 --> 00:10:08,638
I have a bit of a hard time believing
278
00:10:08,672 --> 00:10:10,806
that Winston would do this.
279
00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,341
SCHMIDT: Well, then, you obviously
don't know Winston,
280
00:10:12,376 --> 00:10:15,444
'cause he's a sick,
disgusting human being.
281
00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:18,381
Just this morning he asked me
for a pair of your underpants.
282
00:10:18,415 --> 00:10:20,449
- Winston?
- Hmm?
283
00:10:20,484 --> 00:10:23,185
Is that true?
284
00:10:25,822 --> 00:10:27,056
Yes.
285
00:10:28,392 --> 00:10:32,662
I needed your underwear to...
286
00:10:32,696 --> 00:10:35,698
sew into my underwear.
287
00:10:35,732 --> 00:10:37,900
Oh... my...
288
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:39,068
God.
289
00:10:39,102 --> 00:10:40,703
That is disgusting!
You are a pervert!
290
00:10:40,737 --> 00:10:42,571
SCHMIDT:
Oh, I'm so sorry, Cece.
291
00:10:42,606 --> 00:10:44,340
Just wait in the car.
You don't have to deal
292
00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:46,842
with this disgusting
trash person, garbage child!
293
00:10:46,877 --> 00:10:48,277
(Door slams)
294
00:10:51,815 --> 00:10:52,982
You're upset.
295
00:10:53,016 --> 00:10:54,016
As you should be.
296
00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:55,251
Oh, but that was great, man.
297
00:10:55,285 --> 00:10:56,719
How long as this been
going on, man?
298
00:10:56,753 --> 00:10:57,920
Four days.
299
00:10:57,954 --> 00:10:59,155
Four days,
and you didn't tell me?
300
00:10:59,189 --> 00:11:00,322
Come on, Schmidt!
301
00:11:00,357 --> 00:11:01,724
I said, "Don't lie to me."
302
00:11:01,758 --> 00:11:03,192
I'm sorry. All right?
303
00:11:03,226 --> 00:11:05,194
I love both of these women
and I couldn't decide.
304
00:11:05,228 --> 00:11:06,429
I needed to buy some more time.
305
00:11:06,463 --> 00:11:08,030
Cece thinks I'm wearing
her panties right now!
306
00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,865
Well, that's on you, man!
You freaked out super hard!
307
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:12,568
You-you kidding me?
That's so weird.
308
00:11:12,602 --> 00:11:14,837
Sewing people's panties
into underpants.
309
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:16,005
Look, we're not best friends,
Schmidt.
310
00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:18,741
As a matter of fact,
we're not friends at all...
311
00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:20,009
until you fix this.
312
00:11:20,043 --> 00:11:22,745
Okay, all right, look.
313
00:11:22,779 --> 00:11:24,046
Winston, I'm sorry, man.
314
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:25,614
W-Winston, you've been
315
00:11:25,649 --> 00:11:27,116
working on this puzzle
for quite some time now.
316
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:29,919
You realize a lot of those puzzle pieces
are upside down, right?
317
00:11:29,953 --> 00:11:31,120
It's just they're cardboard color.
318
00:11:31,154 --> 00:11:34,056
Is that an almond that you have
inserted into one of the pieces?
319
00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:36,225
Are you just eating them, or
are you using them as pieces?
320
00:11:36,259 --> 00:11:37,359
You know that's an almond,
right?
321
00:11:37,394 --> 00:11:38,728
(Screaming)
322
00:11:38,762 --> 00:11:40,262
Schmidt, come here!
323
00:11:46,269 --> 00:11:47,236
Free cocktails.
324
00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,672
- No way!
- Yeah, fitting right in.
325
00:11:49,706 --> 00:11:52,341
- Oh, my God.
- What?
326
00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:53,476
Security guard. Freeze.
327
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:54,643
NICK: Okay, don't freeze.
That looks weird.
328
00:11:54,678 --> 00:11:56,178
Did he notice you?
Of course he noticed you.
329
00:11:56,213 --> 00:11:58,047
You're the prettiest girl
on the damn beach.
330
00:11:58,081 --> 00:12:00,816
Shut up. We need one of
these bracelets right away, Jess.
331
00:12:00,851 --> 00:12:02,585
- Bracelet.
- Yeah.
332
00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:04,487
Oh, hey! Hey...
333
00:12:04,521 --> 00:12:06,889
Hey, pal.
That's a really cool bracelet.
334
00:12:06,923 --> 00:12:08,624
Do you think I could try it on?
335
00:12:08,658 --> 00:12:11,551
- No.
- Listen to me, okay?
336
00:12:11,586 --> 00:12:13,062
Will you lean in here for
a second and listen to me?
337
00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:15,731
One day, you're gonna meet a girl,
you're gonna really like her,
338
00:12:15,766 --> 00:12:17,233
and you're gonna want
to give her everything,
339
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,968
but you won't be able
to afford it
340
00:12:19,002 --> 00:12:20,302
because your life's kind of
in shambles
341
00:12:20,337 --> 00:12:21,771
and you don't have money.
342
00:12:21,805 --> 00:12:24,840
Look at you, kid, you
got a great-looking face.
343
00:12:24,875 --> 00:12:26,475
I don't know, you might
have a tough go of it.
344
00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:28,144
What do I know?
Just promise me this...
345
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:30,346
Promise me you're gonna try
to enjoy your life as much
346
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,149
as you can, 'cause one day
you're gonna be dead, and, you know.
347
00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:34,617
Can I have your bracelet,
for real?
348
00:12:34,651 --> 00:12:35,985
No.
349
00:12:36,019 --> 00:12:39,288
If you don't give me the bracelet,
I'm gonna strangle you to death.
350
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:42,992
- Thanks, buddy.
- Not cool.
351
00:12:43,026 --> 00:12:45,461
But it worked, okay? We got the bracelet,
so now we're back in action.
352
00:12:45,495 --> 00:12:46,495
- Hola.
- JESS: Hola.
353
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:48,030
Can I see your bracelets,
por favor?
354
00:12:48,064 --> 00:12:49,365
Yes.
355
00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:51,133
Looks pretty on her, right?
356
00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:52,668
Señor?
357
00:12:54,037 --> 00:12:55,104
- Run!
- JESS: No!
358
00:12:55,138 --> 00:12:56,438
(Guard speaks Spanish)
359
00:12:56,473 --> 00:12:58,707
I don't speak Spanish, you snake!
360
00:12:58,742 --> 00:13:01,010
What are you gonna do?
I'm in the ocean now!
361
00:13:01,044 --> 00:13:03,078
I'm in international waters!
362
00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:05,881
I've got a shell.
363
00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:07,349
Let's just go.
Let's just get out of here.
364
00:13:07,384 --> 00:13:08,851
- Point Break style?
- No, no, no!
365
00:13:08,885 --> 00:13:10,319
I will Point Break style
this moment!
366
00:13:10,353 --> 00:13:12,021
Nick, let's go!
367
00:13:12,055 --> 00:13:13,522
Nick, stop!
368
00:13:14,357 --> 00:13:15,991
Aah! Ow!
369
00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:18,294
(Nick sobbing)
370
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:19,395
Ow, that hurt!
371
00:13:19,429 --> 00:13:21,497
Wait!
Where are you taking him?!
372
00:13:21,531 --> 00:13:23,566
- Jail.
- JESS: Aah!
373
00:13:27,658 --> 00:13:32,028
(Winston singing quietly)
374
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,195
Truce, okay?
375
00:13:35,632 --> 00:13:39,769
Winston, please, come on...
Talk to me. I...
376
00:13:39,803 --> 00:13:41,771
I need a friend right now.
377
00:13:41,805 --> 00:13:43,539
I love both of these women,
378
00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:47,043
and I can't lose them,
and I can't... hurt them.
379
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,178
And we made a pact!
380
00:13:49,212 --> 00:13:50,713
No. You lied to me.
381
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,014
You're a liar.
382
00:13:52,049 --> 00:13:54,016
Okay, well, then would you
like some truth, Winston?
383
00:13:54,051 --> 00:13:55,418
Here's some truth for you, okay?
384
00:13:55,452 --> 00:13:56,686
You're terrible at puzzles.
385
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,588
Worst I've ever seen by a mile.
386
00:13:58,622 --> 00:14:00,122
What, do you have fly vision?
387
00:14:00,157 --> 00:14:01,257
Look at this puzzle.
388
00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:02,692
It's ages six and up.
389
00:14:02,726 --> 00:14:04,026
You are up, Winston.
390
00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:06,062
- You are way up!
- You want to say that to my face?
391
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,730
This is a corner piece, Winston!
392
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,966
How do you not see that?
What are you, blind?!
393
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,134
I'm so sorry... actually,
a blind man could feel
394
00:14:12,169 --> 00:14:14,704
the smooth edges
of a corner piece!
395
00:14:14,738 --> 00:14:16,939
You are making me so mad.
396
00:14:16,974 --> 00:14:19,609
- Ooh, you are making me so mad.
- Oh, yeah?
397
00:14:19,643 --> 00:14:20,493
You're making me...
398
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:21,960
How am I making you...?
Am I making you...?
399
00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:23,540
- Yes, you're making me mad.
- What you want to do?
400
00:14:23,582 --> 00:14:25,060
What are you doing?
401
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,706
Which way are you going?
What is happening?
402
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,986
- Ow!
- What did you do?
403
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:33,222
Don't mess with me, man.
I'm legit. I'm legit, dude.
404
00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:35,057
- I'm getting very dizzy.
- You coming at me, son?
405
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:37,560
I need all the cash you have
and Nick's passport!
406
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,150
- What'd you say? What?
- Nick's in trouble?
407
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,100
SCHMIDT: What are we doing?
Nick is in jail?
408
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,002
WINSTON: Nick went to jail
before me?
409
00:14:46,036 --> 00:14:47,069
(Winston laughing)
410
00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:48,838
(Overlapping arguing)
411
00:14:48,872 --> 00:14:49,905
(Bell dinging)
412
00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:50,940
Hey, stop it! Stop it!
413
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:53,643
This is not the time for fighting.
Nick is in a Mexican jail.
414
00:14:53,677 --> 00:14:55,678
We don't know this country.
We don't know their laws.
415
00:14:55,712 --> 00:14:57,179
We don't know
how to get him out.
416
00:14:57,214 --> 00:14:59,248
I just hope he found somebody
417
00:14:59,282 --> 00:15:01,250
who can protect him
and take care of him.
418
00:15:01,284 --> 00:15:02,785
What, you hope
he's somebody's bitch?
419
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,021
- No, like a mentor.
- He'd never be picked as a bitch.
420
00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,956
Nick is very attractive.
He can be a bitch.
421
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,024
A sissy, perhaps, but a bitch?
422
00:15:08,058 --> 00:15:09,992
- He can be a bitch.
- He cannot be a bitch.
423
00:15:10,027 --> 00:15:11,260
- My God, what's a sissy?
- Are you insane?
424
00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:13,374
- A chubby gringo?
- Stop it!
425
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,865
Nick is my bitch.
426
00:15:15,899 --> 00:15:17,166
(Bell dings)
427
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,634
Hola, señores, señora.
428
00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:20,002
Hi. Um, we have some questions.
429
00:15:20,037 --> 00:15:22,538
Jess, I got this. I know how
to handle these people.
430
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:25,408
Is this for me?
431
00:15:25,442 --> 00:15:26,976
That's for you to send
your kids to college,
432
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,878
or for you to send
some fun up your nose.
433
00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:30,212
SCHMIDT:
Your choice, bro.
434
00:15:30,247 --> 00:15:33,382
Don't worry. We're looking
for our friend Nick Miller...
435
00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:36,552
if he's still alive, and his head...
if it's separate.
436
00:15:36,586 --> 00:15:39,622
You know who you should
talk to? Manny.
437
00:15:39,656 --> 00:15:40,956
- Manny.
- Manny.
438
00:15:40,991 --> 00:15:43,959
(Quietly):
Talk to Julio.
439
00:15:43,994 --> 00:15:45,394
- Julio.
- Julio.
440
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,164
Talk to Brad.
441
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,865
I don't really feel right about this.
442
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,834
Oh, Jess, you're so naive.
It's a game.
443
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,337
We're working our way up the ladder.
Brad is clearly the kingpin.
444
00:15:57,074 --> 00:15:58,774
Thanks so much.
445
00:16:00,077 --> 00:16:01,310
(Jess sighs)
446
00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:03,546
Okay, that didn't work.
Next idea.
447
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:06,348
Well... There are no
next ideas, Schmidt!
448
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:09,418
We're out of money!
I need to just find somebody.
449
00:16:09,453 --> 00:16:11,087
- Oh, just find somebody?
- Yes.
450
00:16:11,121 --> 00:16:12,655
Right, Jess, 'cause
the streets down here
451
00:16:12,689 --> 00:16:15,410
- they run red with hospitality.
- Hey! Hey!
452
00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:17,727
Hi. Sorry.
I met you yesterday.
453
00:16:17,761 --> 00:16:19,562
You arrested a man
named Nick Miller.
454
00:16:19,596 --> 00:16:20,696
You got money?
455
00:16:20,731 --> 00:16:21,997
Money.
No, we don't have any money.
456
00:16:22,032 --> 00:16:23,666
But wait, wait, wait!
457
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,868
What about his shoes?
Any interest in his shoes?
458
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,237
There's no way you're getting
these damn shoes, okay?
459
00:16:28,271 --> 00:16:29,438
These are my favorite
brown shoes.
460
00:16:29,473 --> 00:16:31,207
And besides, this is
all your fault, Schmidt.
461
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,743
Nick's body's being traded
like cigarettes right now!
462
00:16:33,777 --> 00:16:35,410
Winston, those shoes are
not brown... they're green.
463
00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:37,279
- What the hell you talking about, man?
- Those shoes are green.
464
00:16:37,314 --> 00:16:40,015
You guys are idiots, all right?
They're as brown as money.
465
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,885
- What color is Kermit the Frog?
- Brown. It's a brown frog.
466
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,020
Winston, you're color-blind, dude.
467
00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:46,722
What? I am not color...
I am not color-blind.
468
00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:48,190
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
469
00:16:48,225 --> 00:16:50,259
Sir, I'm so sorry.
We have no money.
470
00:16:50,293 --> 00:16:52,128
We don't even have money
for gas.
471
00:16:52,162 --> 00:16:53,596
Oh, you got a car.
472
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:55,598
Want to trade?
473
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,702
Hey.
474
00:16:59,736 --> 00:17:03,405
Oh, my God, I thought he
was taking you to jail.
475
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,074
No, it's resort jail,
and it's not so bad.
476
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,542
They let me watch Ugly Betty.
477
00:17:06,576 --> 00:17:08,144
Here, I brought you your passport.
478
00:17:08,178 --> 00:17:09,745
- Winston, enough!
- Enough for me!
479
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,046
Oh, Nicholas, thank goodness
you're alive.
480
00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:12,481
You brought them?
(Rapid, overlapping chatter)
481
00:17:12,516 --> 00:17:14,550
I needed their help.
482
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:16,013
- Winston does not get me at all.
- What?
483
00:17:16,048 --> 00:17:18,287
And, plus, he's color-blind,
which basically makes him crippled.
484
00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:20,489
Please, tell me... these shoes
are brown, right?
485
00:17:20,524 --> 00:17:21,991
- Those shoes are green.
- They're definitely green.
486
00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:23,726
Okay, you both are crazy.
487
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,127
Winston!
488
00:17:25,162 --> 00:17:28,430
If you think those shoes are brown,
what color do you think you are?
489
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,101
Jess, I can't do this.
490
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:34,503
Do you really want to wake up
to this every morning?
491
00:17:34,538 --> 00:17:36,672
It doesn't matter,
as long as I wake up next to you.
492
00:17:36,706 --> 00:17:38,574
I got an idea.
Let's move to Mexico.
493
00:17:38,608 --> 00:17:40,242
- What?
- Yeah!
494
00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:42,077
- Hell no!
- Nicolas, I need you.
495
00:17:42,112 --> 00:17:44,280
If you leave, then I'm with Winston,
and I can't handle that.
496
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,614
You and me, we work here.
497
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,349
If we go back to the loft,
we're not gonna make it.
498
00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:48,984
Yes, we are.
We are gonna make it.
499
00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:51,420
You won't. He's 100% right.
You will not.
500
00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:53,255
I'm not ready to lose you.
501
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:56,425
I just got you, Jess.
502
00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,127
And I'm not letting you go.
503
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,129
So...
504
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,664
I'm all in.
505
00:18:03,434 --> 00:18:06,168
I'm shredding this passport.
I'm not leaving Mexico.
506
00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:08,437
- Oh, no, you are not, sir!
- No, no, no, wait, wait!
507
00:18:08,471 --> 00:18:10,806
I will put myself in that shredder
before you put your passport in there!
508
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,208
WINSTON:
Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, switch!
509
00:18:12,242 --> 00:18:14,176
- Put yourself in there.
- Stop! Stop, Nick!
510
00:18:14,211 --> 00:18:15,978
I will shred my ear!
I'll do it!
511
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,980
- Your ear could go in!
- I will shred myself!
512
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,348
I will shred myself
in the shredder.
513
00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:20,349
- Get serious!
- (Jess yells)
514
00:18:20,383 --> 00:18:21,617
Stop.
515
00:18:21,651 --> 00:18:22,651
Listen to me.
516
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,654
We're a family.
517
00:18:26,923 --> 00:18:28,457
You can't choose who you love.
518
00:18:28,491 --> 00:18:29,692
Sometimes they choose you.
519
00:18:29,726 --> 00:18:31,393
And sometimes, it's just because
520
00:18:31,428 --> 00:18:34,496
you got a really great deal
on Craigslist.
521
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:37,833
(Laughing): I got a really
great deal on Craigslist.
522
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,101
I got all of you.
523
00:18:41,438 --> 00:18:45,107
There is no "us" without
Schmidt and Winston.
524
00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:48,477
It's gonna be really, really hard.
525
00:18:48,511 --> 00:18:50,079
But so what, Nick?
526
00:18:50,113 --> 00:18:52,014
So what?
527
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,516
I believe in us.
528
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,452
I'm all in.
529
00:18:57,921 --> 00:18:59,521
I really want to go home.
530
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:02,057
(Giggles)
531
00:19:02,092 --> 00:19:04,226
Come on, man,
let's just go home.
532
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:06,161
(Sighs)
533
00:19:06,196 --> 00:19:08,364
You know what?
I love you guys.
534
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,199
- WINSTON: Okay.
- Let's go home.
535
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,267
(Laughing):
Great.
536
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:12,268
(Both laughing)
537
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:13,335
(Whirring)
538
00:19:13,370 --> 00:19:14,336
Oh, my God!
539
00:19:14,371 --> 00:19:15,704
No!
540
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:17,106
(All shouting at once)
541
00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:18,741
Get it out! Get it out!
542
00:19:18,775 --> 00:19:19,775
(Shouting)
543
00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:21,677
(Screams)
Unplug it, Nick!
544
00:19:21,711 --> 00:19:23,679
The shredder shredded it, bro.
545
00:19:23,713 --> 00:19:26,448
WINSTON: No, no, no,
no, guys, we're fine.
546
00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:29,518
I can work with this.
547
00:19:29,552 --> 00:19:30,853
(Chuckles)
548
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,039
SCHMIDT: Okay, everybody.
Just be cool. Act normal.
549
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:38,375
U.S. citizens?
550
00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:40,644
Passports, please.
551
00:19:41,679 --> 00:19:42,846
What is this?
552
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:48,885
Sir, my name is Winston Bishop.
553
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,789
I'm a color-blind American citizen,
554
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:54,391
and I can't do puzzles.
555
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:56,726
Now let us go home.
556
00:19:56,761 --> 00:20:00,030
It says
"Unatered Stites of Amurica."
557
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,766
(Nick sighs)
558
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,000
(Sighs)
559
00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:05,969
(Laughs)
560
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:07,237
You ready?
561
00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:09,139
(Laughing)
562
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:10,674
(Grunting)
563
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:11,942
(Laughs)
564
00:20:11,976 --> 00:20:13,343
Hey, I got you something, actually.
565
00:20:13,377 --> 00:20:15,812
I mean,
I stole it from a kid, but...
566
00:20:18,649 --> 00:20:20,951
(Sighs)
567
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:23,118
We can do this.
568
00:20:23,153 --> 00:20:24,833
-Yeah, we can do this.
- Yeah.
569
00:20:25,289 --> 00:20:26,590
All right.
570
00:20:26,624 --> 00:20:28,325
- Yeah.
- Here we go, huh?
571
00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:30,486
It's locked.
572
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:31,542
I think somebody
accidentally locked this.
573
00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:33,130
- Where's your key?
- I don't carry a key.
574
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:36,379
- You don't carry a key?
- No, I don't carry a...
575
00:20:36,414 --> 00:20:38,535
Why would I carry a key?
There's always somebody home!
576
00:20:38,569 --> 00:20:39,536
And I know how to jimmy the...
577
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,571
Mmm, my God...
578
00:20:42,974 --> 00:20:44,341
JESS:
I like you so much.
579
00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:45,642
I like you, too.
And I'll start carrying a key.
580
00:20:45,676 --> 00:20:46,910
Okay, I'll carry a key for you.
581
00:20:48,846 --> 00:20:51,057
For the love of God, Winston,
please just go unlock the door.
582
00:20:51,092 --> 00:20:53,454
- This is so weird.
- NICK: Yeah...
583
00:20:53,718 --> 00:20:57,053
Sayonara, masturbation,
for the rest of my life.
584
00:20:57,388 --> 00:20:59,289
Hey, Cece, it's Schmidt.
585
00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:00,590
Hi.
586
00:21:00,624 --> 00:21:02,158
You want me to come over
tonight?
587
00:21:02,193 --> 00:21:03,626
I think I can make that work.
588
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:05,962
Uh, can you give me,
like, five minutes?
589
00:21:05,996 --> 00:21:08,498
Great. Um... ooh, actually,
could you hold on one second?
590
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:12,469
(Laughs)
Hi, Elizabeth, my darling.
591
00:21:12,503 --> 00:21:13,703
How are you?
592
00:21:13,737 --> 00:21:15,839
Uh, tonight?
You want to... tonight.
593
00:21:15,873 --> 00:21:18,341
Um, could you just give me one second
so I can check my calendar?
594
00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:19,642
That'd be great.
595
00:21:23,347 --> 00:21:25,849
I just checked it, and, uh...
596
00:21:25,883 --> 00:21:28,151
it looks like there's
a slight problem. Um...
597
00:21:28,185 --> 00:21:29,385
(Clears throat)
598
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,321
♪ Puzzling ♪
599
00:21:31,355 --> 00:21:32,555
♪ I am puzzling... ♪
600
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:33,823
Looks good to me.
601
00:21:35,421 --> 00:21:38,160
♪ This is my masterpiece ♪
602
00:21:38,476 --> 00:21:41,359
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com