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NARRATOR:
Previously on New Girl:
Ripped By mstoll
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We're at a wedding together.
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Shut up and listen,
Cece doesn't wanna get married.
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I'm sorry, everyone, but I can't do this.
They want us to be with someone else.
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Are you in love with her or with me?
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You have to decide.
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We tried.
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We had one night.
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- What happened with Jess?
- We called it.
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When things get messy, you just run away.
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I know you think we should call it.
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But I don't wanna give up on this.
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[THE VACCINES' "I ALWAYS KNEW"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
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[BOTH LAUGHING]
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Down, down...
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You know what, I gotta say, Jess,
I really like you.
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I really, really like you.
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00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:55,653
- I can't believe this is happening. It's crazy.
- I know. I can't either.
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- It's crazy. I like you so much.
- I like you so much.
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- Like... I just...
- Yeah.
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- What? I'm in.
- I'm in.
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You know? I'm...
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- I'm just all in.
- I'm all in. I'm, like, weirdly all in.
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- Nick?
- What?
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Pull over.
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You talk to me
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NICK: Ha, ha. Well, that was fun.
- Ha, ha.
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We finally broke in the Volvo. Oh, my.
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[BOTH LAUGHING]
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What's next? What do we do now?
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I'm really fighting the urge
to buy you a lobster dinner.
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Do we just go home?
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BOTH:
Heh.
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- Jess, how is it actually going to work?
- Yeah.
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We've only been dating 30 minutes
and we're already living together.
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What if you get tired of me?
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You have nowhere to go, we're roommates,
you'd have to sleep in your car...
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Hey, stop, that's not gonna happen.
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I've wanted this for so long,
I don't want anything to go wrong.
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[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
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It's Schmidt.
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- He's freaking out.
- He doesn't need to reach you all the time.
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- You know, you're right. I'll ignore it for now.
- Yeah. It's about us right now.
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[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
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It's Schmidt.
He wants to know where you are.
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He texted you to ask where I am? Ugh.
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[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
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He just texted I'm a bad friend.
Do you know what that is?
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Either male genitalia
or a really big thumbs down.
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- Why would he send...?
- Can't he talk to Winston?
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- They get weird and fight.
- This is what I'm talk...
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[BOTH CELL PHONES BEEPING]
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How many times a day
does Schmidt text you?
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- I don't know, just, like, 40.
- How...?
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See this is what I'm talking about.
I feel like we need time alone.
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So we can figure out what this is.
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Yes, this is what I want. I wanna be with you,
alone, without anybody else.
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- Just you and...
- Where have you been?
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I'm having a crisis. You guys are driving around,
French kissing like a couple of Dutch hookers?
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What is that? Is that a hickey? Disgusting.
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Hey, you guys,
um, I've been doing a lot of thinking.
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Now, I know everyone's going through a lot,
but I think it is time for me to start a puzzle.
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What is going on with you two? Are you
a couple? Have you thought this through?
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Please help me, okay?
Stop being so selfish and just help me.
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- Give me one minute, I'll be right inside.
- We'll be right in.
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- We gotta figure something out.
- All right. Thanks, man.
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- The gang's back together.
- We'll be right in.
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- We'll be right in.
- Love you guys.
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BOTH:
Run!
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- [SINGING] Who's that girl?
CHORUS: Who's that girl?
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It's Jess
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Well, Winston, after 25 unanswered text
messages to Nick and Jess this morning...
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...I finally received a response.
A smiley face.
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This leaves us with one choice.
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- To become best friends.
- Huh? Yeah, fine.
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For re...? Okay, great.
Now, as my best friend...
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...I expect you to sacrifice everything for me
at a moment's notice.
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- Including, unfortunately for you, your dignity.
- Fine.
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Winston, what can I do for you?
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Don't talk to me that much, never lie to me,
never, ever touch my puzzle.
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Do we think now
is really the right time to be starting a puzzle?
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I'm great at puzzles!
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You're a born puzzler, Winston, sure.
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Um, but don't you agree
that sometimes when you start puzzles...
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...you get a little bit weird and,
I don't know, intense?
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You spend a lot of time humming.
You also spend a lot of time naked.
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I'm gonna do you, puzzle.
Right on the table. As nasty as you wanna be.
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- What do you think it's gonna look like?
- What?
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- Yeah, the puzzle.
- Winston, it's on the box.
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The picture's on the box.
It's a Japanese garden.
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Schmidt, calm down, what is your problem?
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Two women are in love with me.
Problem is I'm in love with both of them.
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- Looks like you're gonna have to choose.
- Cece and I have this connection.
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You know, it's physical, it's unhealthy.
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I don't want to get too graphic,
but I'm not just a plug with her.
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I'm also a socket.
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God. Okay, fine, Schmidt, choose Cece.
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- Yeah, but I was dating Elizabeth first, so...
- Mm-hm.
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- Wait, I was dating Elizabeth first.
- You wanna know what I think?
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No, I don't. Done. Decided. Ha.
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Cece, out. I was dating Elizabeth first.
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- My man, way to talk that out. Best friends.
- Yeah. Best friends.
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- This is gonna work out, man.
- Yeah, gonna work out, man.
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[SINGING]
Puzzlin'!
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Winston is about to do some puzzlin'!
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About to get into some puzzle troublin'!
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So, in conclusion...
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...you know, it's a very difficult decision
that I've had to...
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That you guys have put me in, here,
but I just... I'm going to be candid...
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I've been up for 24 hours.
I have to return all of these gifts.
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So just say it. You don't want to be with me.
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Wha...? Huh?
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I just looked down, I thought, "This girl
must be wearing sneakers with shoelaces.
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And those shoelaces must be tied together
because this girl is straight tripping, yo."
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- What?
- Of course I want to be with you.
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Mm.
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But I feel so terrible for Elizabeth.
How did she take it?
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She took it.
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In a marketplace of ideas where culture is king
and data moves faster than people...
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...where scalable opportunities
come from turn-key solutions.
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What are you trying to say, Schmidt?
Is it over?
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No. No.
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As if!
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Of course I picked you. It wasn't close.
Come here, you crazy white girl.
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There it is.
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- Poor Cece.
- I know, yeah, okay.
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[SPANISH MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
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I fell asleep. How long you been driving?
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Those cops look like they're about 15
and they have huge guns.
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Jess, are we in Mexico?
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- All in!
- We're in Mexico!
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Oh, my God, pull over!
That piņata's shaped like a monkey!
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You know what? It's gonna be weird
going back to having sex...
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...without a bunch of feral dogs watching.
- Ha, ha.
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Why am I not hungry? I should be hungry.
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Remember when we lived in that loft
and, like, we had all those problems?
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Yeah!
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[CELL PHONE RINGING]
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All in!
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Voicemail? Again?
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Where have you been?
It's been four days, man.
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Have you really been doing it with Jess
this whole time? That's disgusting.
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Nick, I did something really wrong.
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And, uh, I just need to talk to you.
I need to talk to my friend.
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Come home.
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I should try him again.
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Dial best friend, one.
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- Let's stay here.
- We're out of money.
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- We got this great setup.
- This is not gonna last.
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- It's not gonna last long. It isn't.
- This is a badly built shelter.
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We'll go right there.
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How hard could that place be to sneak into?
You all in?
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JESS:
Nick, this has been fun, but...
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Okay, look, everything that's bad
is waiting for us back in the loft.
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But here, I'm Paradise Nick.
156
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,994
And Paradise Nick is mega chill.
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And you're Paradise Jess, right?
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We can make food and ju...
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- All in.
- All in.
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- How'd she take it?
- Devastated, I'm glad that's settled.
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- Hey, I'm gonna go shower.
- I'm proud of you.
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I know it must have been tough.
163
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Hey, who do you call
if puzzle pieces are broken?
164
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,515
Oh. Hey, Winston, is Schmidt home?
165
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Cece.
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Oh, my goodness. Hi.
167
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You need a hug?
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All right.
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[CECE CHUCKLES]
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[WINSTON HUMMING]
171
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Is Schmidt even here, Winston?
172
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,667
Yeah, yeah, he's in the shower.
173
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,838
Cece, I just wanna say, on my end,
that I am so, so sorry.
174
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,750
CECE: Sorry about what?
WINSTON: You know, Elizabeth.
175
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:17,252
- Well, what about Elizabeth?
- He made love to her.
176
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Winston made love to Elizabeth.
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After I chose you...
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...Winston was all too quick
in Elizabeth's vulnerable state...
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...to rush in there and get his jollies off.
180
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:36,238
- His sweaty, disgusting jollies.
- Seriously?
181
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:40,435
She must've just been so upset and hurt.
I didn't even know you were interested in her.
182
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:45,276
Tell her what you did. And give her the short
version, which you did not give to Elizabeth.
183
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,046
What I did. Um...
184
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,354
Okay, well, I drove over there.
185
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,281
To seduce her.
186
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,054
And I seduced her.
187
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,928
Two and a half times.
188
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:06,364
Puzzle me this, then, Winston.
How do you live with yourself?
189
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:10,872
I have a bit of a hard time believing
that Winston would do this.
190
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,170
Well, then,
you obviously don't know Winston.
191
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,574
Because he's a sick, disgusting
human being.
192
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,875
Just this morning he asked me
for a pair of your underpants.
193
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,719
- Winston, is that true?
- Hmm?
194
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,116
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
195
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,620
Yes.
196
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:31,586
I needed your underwear...
197
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:36,200
...to sew into my underwear.
198
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,565
CECE:
Oh, my God!
199
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,740
That is disgusting. You are a pervert!
200
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,806
- I'm so sorry, Cece. Just wait in the car.
- Hmm?
201
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:47,605
You have to deal with this disgusting
trash person, garbage child!
202
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,802
[DOOR SLAMS]
203
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:55,746
You're upset. As you should be.
That was great, man.
204
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,389
- How long has this been going on, man?
- Four days.
205
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:02,186
Four days and you didn't tell me?
Come on, Schmidt, I said don't lie to me.
206
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,193
I'm sorry. I love both of these women
and I couldn't decide.
207
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:08,595
- I needed to buy some more time.
- Cece thinks I'm wearing her panties!
208
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:11,201
Well, that's on you, man.
You freaked out super hard.
209
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:14,931
Are you kidding me? That's so weird.
Sewing people's panties into underpants.
210
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,938
Look, we're not best friends, Schmidt.
211
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:19,737
As a matter of fact, we're not friends at all...
212
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,344
...until you fix this.
213
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:24,539
Okay, all right, look, Winston, I'm sorry.
214
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,714
You've been working on this puzzle
for some time.
215
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,254
You realize a lot of those pieces are
upside down? It's just, they're cardboard color.
216
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:35,359
Is that an almond
that you have inserted into one of the pieces?
217
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,621
Were you eating them or using them as pieces?
You know that's an almond, right?
218
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:40,799
Aah! Schmidt, come here.
219
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,133
- Free cocktails.
- No way.
220
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,400
Yeah. We're fitting right in!
221
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,837
- Oh, my God.
- What?
222
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,172
- Security guard. Freeze.
NICK: Don't, that's weird.
223
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,544
Did he notice you? Of course,
you're the prettiest girl on the beach.
224
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:01,345
- Shut up. We need one of these bracelets.
- So sweet.
225
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,078
- Bracelet.
- Yeah.
226
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,190
Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, pal.
227
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,657
That's a really cool bracelet.
Do you think I could try it on?
228
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,525
- No.
- Okay, will you lean in here and listen to me?
229
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,726
One day, you're gonna meet a girl and really
like her and want to give her everything.
230
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:22,237
You won't be able to afford it because you're
life's in shambles and you don't have money.
231
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,372
Look, you got a great-Iooking face.
232
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,672
You might have a tough go of it,
what do I know, just promise me...
233
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:31,281
...you're gonna try to enjoy life
as much as you can.
234
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,714
One day, you're gonna be dead
and, you know...
235
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,513
- Can I have your bracelet? For real?
- No.
236
00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:39,782
If you don't give the bracelet,
I'm gonna strangle you to death.
237
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,490
- Thanks, buddy.
- Not cool.
238
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,960
It worked, okay, we got the bracelet,
we're back in action.
239
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,291
[BOTH SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
240
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,900
- May I see your bracelets, por favor?
- Yes.
241
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,626
Looks pretty on her, right?
242
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,836
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
243
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,436
- Aah!
JESS: No!
244
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:59,202
- No! No!
- I don't speak Spanish, you snake.
245
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:03,607
What are you going to do? I'm in
the ocean now. I'm in international waters!
246
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:07,908
- I've got a shell!
- Let's go. Let's get out of here.
247
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,382
- Point Break style?
- No, no.
248
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,955
- I will Point Break style this moment.
- Nick, let's go.
249
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,183
Nick, stop!
250
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,355
[SHOUTS]
251
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,998
- Ow. That hurts.
- Wait. Where are you taking him?
252
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:24,497
- Jail.
JESS: Aah!
253
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,406
[HUMMING]
254
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,839
Truce, okay?
255
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:40,350
Winston, please, come on. Talk to me.
256
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,251
I need a friend right now.
257
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:48,518
I love both of these women
and I can't lose them and I can't hurt them.
258
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,658
- And we made a pact.
- No.
259
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:54,321
- You lied to me. You're a liar.
- Okay, well, then would you like some truth?
260
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,263
Here's some truth for you, okay?
You're terrible at puzzles.
261
00:13:57,469 --> 00:14:00,632
Worst I've ever seen by a mile.
What, do you have fly vision?
262
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,240
Look at this puzzle, it's ages 6 and up.
263
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:06,536
- You're up, Winston. You are way up.
- You wanna say that to my face?
264
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:10,078
This is a corner piece!
How do you not see that, are you blind?
265
00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:15,185
I'm so sorry, actually, a blind man could feel
the smooth edges of a corner piece!
266
00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:17,378
You are making me so mad.
267
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,524
You are making me so mad.
268
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,158
- Oh, yeah?
- You're making me mad.
269
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,555
- Am I making you...?
- Yes, you're making me mad.
270
00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:26,731
- What are you doing? Where are you going?
- What are you doing?
271
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,695
- What is happening?
- Ow!
272
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,435
- What did you do? Don't mess with me, man.
- Yes.
273
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,730
I'm legit. I'm legit, dude.
274
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,531
- I'm dizzy.
- You coming at me, son?
275
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:39,302
I need all the cash you have
and Nick's passport!
276
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,004
- What'd you say?
- Nick's in trouble?
277
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,011
SCHMIDT:
What are we doing? Nick is in jail?
278
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,447
WINSTON:
Nick went to jail before me?
279
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,678
[BOTH SHOUTING]
280
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,483
Hey, stop it. Stop it.
This is not the time for fighting.
281
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:54,181
Nick is in a Mexican jail.
282
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:58,090
We don't know this country, their laws.
We don't know how to get him out.
283
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:01,664
I just hope he's found somebody
who can protect him and take care of him.
284
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:04,233
- You hope he's somebody's bitch?
- No, like a mentor.
285
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:07,496
- He'd never be picked as a bitch.
- Nick can be a bitch.
286
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,503
A sissy, perhaps, but a bitch?
287
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,767
- Could not be a bitch.
- What's a sissy?
288
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,239
- A chubby gringo?
- Stop it!
289
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,209
Nick is my bitch.
290
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,677
[BELL DINGS]
291
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:19,111
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
292
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,808
Hi, um, we have some questions.
293
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,784
Jess, I got this.
I know how to handle these people.
294
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,358
- This for me?
- For you to send your kids to college...
295
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:30,687
...or for you to send some fun up your nose.
Your choice, bro.
296
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:34,593
Jess, don't worry. We're looking
for our friend Nick Miller, if he's still alive.
297
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,064
And his head, if it's separate.
298
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:40,103
You know who you should talk to? Manny.
299
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:41,364
- Manny.
- Manny.
300
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,433
Talk to Julio.
301
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:45,940
- Julio.
- Julio.
302
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,080
- Talk to Brad.
- I don't really feel right about this.
303
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,774
Jess, you're so naive. It's a game.
We're working our way up the ladder.
304
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:55,886
Brad is clearly the kingpin.
305
00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,280
Thanks so much.
306
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,752
[JESS SCOFFS]
307
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,054
Okay, that didn't work. Next idea.
308
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:06,925
There are no next ideas, Schmidt.
309
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,532
We're out of money.
We need to just find somebody.
310
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,669
- Ah... Ah, oh. Just find somebody?
- Yes.
311
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,270
The streets down here,
they run red with hospitality.
312
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,838
Hey! Hey!
313
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:20,068
Hi. Sorry. I met you yesterday.
You arrested a man named Nick Miller.
314
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:22,440
- You got money?
- No, we don't have any money.
315
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,172
But wait, wait, wait.
316
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,611
Any interest in his shoes?
317
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,446
No, there is no way
you're getting these damn shoes, okay?
318
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,680
These are my favorite brown shoes!
Besides, this is all your fault.
319
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,256
Nick's body's being traded like cigarettes!
320
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,484
Those shoes are green.
321
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,787
WINSTON: What're you talking about?
JESS: Those are green.
322
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,692
They're brown as money.
323
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:42,389
- What color is Kermit the Frog?
- Brown.
324
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,502
- Winston. Winston. You're colorblind, dude.
- He's a brown frog.
325
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:47,194
What? I am not color blind.
326
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,636
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Sir, I'm so sorry.
327
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,606
We have no money.
We don't even have money for gas.
328
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,108
You got a car?
329
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,107
Wanna trade?
330
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,013
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
331
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,950
I thought he was taking you to jail.
332
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:07,057
Resort jail, and it's not so bad.
They let me watch Ugly Betty.
333
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:09,352
- I brought you your passport.
- Winston, enough.
334
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,529
- Enough?
- Thank goodness you're alive.
335
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:14,631
- You brought them?
- I needed their help.
336
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,357
Winston does not get me at all.
337
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:19,696
- He's color blind, which makes him crippled.
- Color blind?
338
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:20,997
These shoes are brown.
339
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,503
- Green.
- Definitely green.
340
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,300
Okay, you both are crazy.
341
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:25,499
- Winston.
- What?
342
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:29,203
If you think those shoes are brown,
what color do you think you are?
343
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,680
- Jess, I can't do this.
- What?
344
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:37,185
- Do you wanna wake up to this every morning?
- As long as I wake up next to you.
345
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,017
- I got an idea. Let's move to Mexico.
- What?
346
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:41,248
- What?
- Hell, no.
347
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,759
I need you. If you leave,
then I'm with Winston and I can't handle that.
348
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,864
We work here. We go back to the loft,
we're not gonna make it.
349
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,160
- Yes, we are, we are gonna make it.
- You won't.
350
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:51,927
- Yeah, you won't.
- He's right.
351
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,002
I'm not ready to lose you.
352
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,800
I just got you, Jess.
353
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,601
And I'm not letting you go.
354
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,178
So I'm all in.
355
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:06,674
I'm shredding this passport
and I'm not leaving Mexico.
356
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:08,876
- No, you are not, sir.
- No, no. Wait, wait.
357
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,283
I'll put myself in
before you put your passport in.
358
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,151
WINSTON: Yeah, yeah, switch.
JESS: No.
359
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:14,620
Stop. Stop, Nick.
360
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,454
- I'll shred my ear.
- Good, do it.
361
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,527
I will shred myself!
362
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,789
- I will shred myself!
- I'm serious!
363
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,126
Stop. Listen to me.
364
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,198
We're a family.
365
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,200
You can't choose who you love.
Sometimes they choose you.
366
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:35,244
And sometimes it's just because
you got a really great deal on Craigslist.
367
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:39,611
I got a really great deal on Craigslist.
I got all of you.
368
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,613
There is no us
without Schmidt and Winston.
369
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,953
It's gonna be really, really hard.
370
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,594
But so what, Nick?
371
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:52,523
So what?
372
00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:55,256
I believe in us.
373
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,934
I'm all in.
374
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:01,164
I really wanna go home. Ha, ha.
375
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,404
Come on, man, let's just go home.
376
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,577
- You know what, I love you guys.
- Okay.
377
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:12,545
- Let's go home.
- Great.
378
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:13,809
[SHREDDER WHIRRING]
379
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:16,180
- Oh, my God.
- No!
380
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,285
Get it out! Get it out!
381
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,252
Unplug it, Nick.
382
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:26,591
- The shredder shredded it, bro.
WINSTON: No, no, no. Guys, we're fine.
383
00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:31,295
I can work with this. Ha, ha.
384
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,806
SCHMIDT:
Okay, everybody, just be cool. Act normal.
385
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,236
U.S. Citizens? Passports please.
386
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:43,638
What is this?
387
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:50,247
Sir, my name is Winston Bishop.
388
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:55,415
I'm a colorblind American citizen
and I can't do puzzles.
389
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,527
Now let us go home.
390
00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:00,857
It says, "Unated Stites of America."
391
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,625
[BOTH GRUNT]
392
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,529
You ready?
393
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:10,641
[BOTH LAUGHING]
394
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,309
[GROANS]
395
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:14,172
Hey, I got you something, actually.
396
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,305
I stole it from a kid, but...
397
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:21,745
[SIGHS]
398
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:25,819
- We can do this. Yeah.
- Yeah, we can do this.
399
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,418
All right.
400
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:29,184
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
401
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,093
I think somebody accidentally locked it.
402
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,094
- Where's your key?
- I don't carry a key.
403
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,324
- You don't carry a key? Ever?
- No.
404
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,765
- There's always somebody home.
- Never?
405
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,905
- You have to get in.
- I know how to jimmy...
406
00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:42,300
Oh, my God.
407
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,165
JESS:
I like you so much.
408
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:48,403
- I like you, I'll start carrying a key.
- I'll carry a key for you.
409
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,510
For the love of God, unlock the door!
410
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:54,311
- This is so weird.
NICK: Yeah.
411
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:57,852
Sayonara masturbation
for the rest of the my life.
412
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:01,082
Hey, Cece, it's Schmidt. Hi.
413
00:21:01,627 --> 00:21:04,494
You want me to come over tonight?
I think I can make that work.
414
00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:08,188
Can you give me, like, five minutes? Great.
Actually, can you hold on one second?
415
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,799
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
416
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:14,232
Heh. Hi, Elizabeth, my darling, how are you?
417
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,999
Uh, tonight? You wanna...? Tonight.
418
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,736
Can you just give me one second
so I can check my calendar? That'd be great.
419
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:29,918
I just checked it and, uh, it looks like
there's a slight problem. Um, ahem.
420
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,817
[SINGING]
Puzzlin'
421
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,218
I am puzzlin'
422
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,290
Looks good to me.
423
00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:38,892
[SINGING]
This is my masterpiece
Ripped By mstoll