1
00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:05,300
<i>Kids, sometimes in life you see someone
and you just instantly know</i>

2
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:08,000
<i>this is the person for you.</i>

3
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,300
<i>It can happen anywhere.</i>

4
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,400
<i>Even the waiting room
of a tattoo removal clinic.</i>

5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,700
<i>And that's what happened
when I met...</i>

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,500
<i>...Stella.</i>

7
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:23,500
Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp.

8
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,700
My bread and butter.

9
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,300
So I'm guessing that the real story
involves a bad breakup and some booze.

10
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,100
Unless it's a gang tattoo,
in which case,

11
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,100
I think it's time to find a new gang.

12
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,000
No, I just thought it would be cool
to get a caterpillar tattoo,

13
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,100
and then a few weeks went by,
and all of a sudden...

14
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,900
Well, I can get rid
of it in ten one-hour sessions,

15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,300
but, I should warn you,
laser surgery's very painful.

16
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,600
Well, I think you'll find I have
a very high tolerance for pain.

17
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:49,000
Just last night, I sat through
the worst movie ever made.

18
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,700
- Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space?
- No, the worst movie...

19
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,600
Manos: Hands of Fate.

20
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,600
Uh, I'm a doctor, went to
medical school. It's Plan 9.

21
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,600
If you don't believe me, it's playing
down at the Pamela Theater.

22
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,400
I don't believe you, Doctor.

23
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:03,900
Well, what are you doing tonight?

24
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:08,700
Hello.

25
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,400
- Hey, Ted.
- Hey.

26
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,300
Hey, put that away.
Tonight's on me.

27
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,700
- Oh, no, no, don't...
- Come on, I insist.

28
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,500
That's so nice. Thank you.

29
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,100
Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted.
He wants to pay.

30
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,000
- Thank you.
- One, two, three, four.

31
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,000
Is something wrong?

32
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,000
No, it's just, um...

33
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:35,000
I'm just a little embarrassed.
I thought this was a date.

34
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,900
But it's no big deal.
Don't worry about it.

35
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,000
What's wrong?

36
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,400
Ted's embarrassed,
he thought this was a date.

37
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,400
Ted thought this was a date.

38
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,100
Stella, did you know
Ted thought this was a date?

39
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,100
What? I'm not allowed to date
a patient. It's an AMA rule.

40
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,600
She's not allowed to date patients.
It's an AMA rule.

41
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,300
She's not allowed to date patients.
It's an AMA rule.

42
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,400
- She's not allowed to date...
- Yeah, I got it.

43
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,600
We all got it.
Ted's a schmuck.

44
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,400
Sync by vNaru

45
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,700
And you bought all the tickets.

46
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,800
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, you were right.

47
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,800
Worst movie-going experience ever.

48
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,000
Of course, it had nothing to do
with the movie.

49
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,200
I am so sorry that
you thought that was a date.

50
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,400
No, it's fine. I got to hang out
with you on girls' night out.

51
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,600
All right, so if you're not allowed
to date a patient, I'll just...

52
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:40,000
I'll wait until these ten session are up
and then I'll ask you out then.

53
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,000
Well, then, fair warning:

54
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:43,700
I'm going to say no.

55
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,700
Really? I'm getting
mixed signals from you.

56
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,000
I feel like you've been staring
at my ass for quite some time.

57
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,000
- What, you're married?
- No.

58
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:52,900
- Boyfriend?
- No.

59
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,000
- Lesbian?
- No.

60
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,800
- Only date black guys?
- No.

61
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,400
And yet you can say
with absolute confidence

62
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,200
that ten weeks from now, if I ask you
out on a date, your answer will be...

63
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,300
No.

64
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,900
No... Hmm.

65
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:11,200
What could she mean
when she says no?

66
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,300
I don't know, it is totally cryptic.

67
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,200
This is far from over.

68
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,900
We're talking ten weeks from now.

69
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,300
Who knows what she'll want then?

70
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,500
Do you know what you're going to
want for lunch ten weeks from now?

71
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,900
Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail
and a milk shake.

72
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,700
Ted, do you know how long
it takes a woman

73
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,500
to decide whether or not
she's going to sleep with a guy?

74
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,100
8.3 seconds.

75
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:33,300
After that, her decision is made.
She will not change her mind.

76
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,300
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?

77
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,900
Describe your first 8.3 seconds
with Stella.

78
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,800
Lower back butterfly tattoo,
you're up.

79
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,400
So we got off to a rocky start.

80
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,200
That may be a problem
for some guys,

81
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,200
but I get better over time.

82
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,100
I'm not some Top 40 song...

83
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,700
easily digestible.

84
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,700
I'm complex. I require...

85
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,700
time and multiple listens.

86
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,700
I'm "Stairway to Heaven."

87
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:05,700
Wow, Roger Daltrey just
rolled over in his grave.

88
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:09,800
That's not the right guy, is it?

89
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:12,900
He's not even dead, is he?

90
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,200
I think that's great, Ted.

91
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,100
You can do whatever
you set your mind to.

92
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,500
In fact, you've inspired me.

93
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,600
I'm going to stop biting my nails.

94
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:25,300
- But, baby, you love biting your nails.
- I know, but I'm doing this for Ted.

95
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,800
God, this is really hard.

96
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,300
Give me ten sessions,

97
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,900
I'm going to turn that "no"
into a "yes."

98
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,000
Really, Ted?
You think so?

99
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:38,700
Well, tell me, how did the rest
of that session go?

100
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,000
This is going to hurt a little.

101
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,100
Yeah, well, I can handle pain.

102
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,700
This one time
I was playing tennis, and...

103
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,600
Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts.

104
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,300
Everyone probably sounds like that.

105
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,300
Doctor, are you all right?
I heard a woman screaming in here.

106
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,800
Here's to nine more great sessions.

107
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,600
<i>And so the weeks went by.</i>

108
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,600
<i>The second session
I told her about</i>

109
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,300
<i>how I spent a summer working
with inner-city kids.</i>

110
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,600
<i>The third session we both spoke
nothing but French.</i>

111
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,200
<i>The fourth session I made her laugh
so hard she fell out of her chair.</i>

112
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,700
<i>So by the time the fifth session
came around...</i>

113
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:34,700
Still no.

114
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:37,600
Still no.

115
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,200
What's up with that?
I mean, I juggled.

116
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,900
You juggled?

117
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,100
I thought you were trying
to impress her.

118
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,300
You do magic.

119
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,100
How is juggling any lamer than magic?

120
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,600
Magic's not lame.

121
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,000
- I don't get it. I mean...
- Is this lame?

122
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:54,000
- Uhh..
- Barney, no, no..

123
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,400
We said no fireballs at the table.

124
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,000
What the hell is wrong with you?

125
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,400
There's alcohol in here.

126
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,300
- Barney...
- I...

127
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,700
We've talked about this.

128
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,900
- It's a fire code violation.
- Yeah, but Ted provoked me.

129
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,200
No, you are on a time-out.
Go sit over there.

130
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,300
- But...
- Go!

131
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,600
Anyway... I don't get it.

132
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,000
She should be into me by now.

133
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,600
You know, you can do this, Ted.

134
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,200
I said that I would stop biting
my nails, and kablam-ey.

135
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,100
It's just a challenge.

136
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,800
It can't be easy
to woo someone while

137
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,000
you're sticking
your naked butt in their face.

138
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,700
Works for baboons.

139
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,600
It's called "presenting."

140
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:33,900
I got four sessions left.

141
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,000
There's got to be an angle
I'm not seeing.

142
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:39,400
You can't turn a "no" into a "yes," Ted.
Can't be done.

143
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,700
I don't know, Barney. I mean,
sometimes persistence pays off.

144
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,800
- I said "yes" eventually.
- No, you didn't.

145
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:46,700
You were like, "No, we can't,

146
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,600
we're friends.
It would mess up the dynamic

147
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,800
- of the group."
- To Ted.

148
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:50,900
Oh, right.

149
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,500
Wait a second.
Wait a second, I got the angle.

150
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,500
Sir, please don't yell at me,

151
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:58,800
because when people yell at me,
I have a tendency to start crying.

152
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,900
Please don't do it.

153
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,800
Abby, I've told you before.

154
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,800
When they're rude to you,
hang up the phone.

155
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,300
Go on, you can do this, hang up.

156
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,800
Abby, hang it up.

157
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,000
<i>I am too busy to waste my time...</i>

158
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,700
I'm sorry, I just wish that some of
the patients would be nicer to you.

159
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,300
The receptionist.
That's my way in.

160
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,400
I like this.

161
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,500
Seduce the receptionist.
That's a great plan.

162
00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:27,000
That's not the plan.

163
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,300
And how would that
help me with Stella?

164
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,100
Who?

165
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,000
Here's the plan.

166
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,400
Hi. Here.

167
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,500
I stopped...

168
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,900
Hi, I stopped for coffee and I...

169
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,100
and I thought I'd grab you something.

170
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,400
Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice.

171
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,400
You're like a knight.

172
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,300
I should call you Sir Ted.

173
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:51,900
What?

174
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:55,000
Nothing. Nothing.
It's really stupid.

175
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,400
Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here.

176
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,500
Thanks. Thanks, Abby.

177
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,500
And now we wait.

178
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,900
<i>And sure enough, by session seven,</i>

179
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,700
<i>she saw me in a whole new light.</i>

180
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,400
Okay, I'm about to break
my big rule here.

181
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:12,600
Break it.

182
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,100
Abby goes bowling
with her church group

183
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,500
every Wednesday night...

184
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,900
and she really wanted to invite you,
but she's too shy.

185
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,300
Abby is...?

186
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,500
My receptionist.

187
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,800
You really made quite an impression
on her with the coffee the other day.

188
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,400
I mean, she has really not stopped
talking about you.

189
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,300
Oh, Abby.

190
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,700
I thought you said "Alan."

191
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,900
But you just said, "Abby is...?"

192
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,100
Right.

193
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,800
Right, I thought I said "Alan."

194
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,200
Who's Alan?

195
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,200
Who's Abby?

196
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,000
My receptionist.

197
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:51,900
Exactly.

198
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,000
What is happening?

199
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,700
You just got to be yourself,
no more gimmicks.

200
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,100
You're right,
no more gimmicks.

201
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,000
One more gimmick.

202
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,700
<i>You know what's on her shelf?</i>

203
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,100
<i>That self-help book The Power of Me.</i>

204
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,400
I know, I know,
but I thought if I read it,

205
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,000
maybe we'd have something new
to talk about.

206
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,400
It's actually a great book. It taught me
the power of complete memory.

207
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:19,700
Can I borrow your copy?

208
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,200
I left it somewhere.
I forget.

209
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,700
Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.

210
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:29,900
Hi, Ted.

211
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,300
I'll let her know.

212
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,700
Telepathically?

213
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,000
That's funny.
That's funny, smart, and great.

214
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,400
I am so sorry that I am late.

215
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,100
I have, like, two minutes for lunch
everyday. It's crazy.

216
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,800
Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh,
checking out the old bookshelf here.

217
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:52,900
I see you've read The Power of Me.
It's funny...

218
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,200
What? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no,

219
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,500
I would never read that piece of crap.

220
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,100
Some patient left it here.

221
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,000
Oh, thank God.
I couldn't agree more.

222
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,500
That's total crap.

223
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400
I see people reading that on the subway
and I just want to shout,

224
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,700
"Get a life, people!"

225
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:09,500
- Ted, I found your book.
- What?

226
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:12,300
Your book The Power of Me. I think you
accidentally dropped it in the garbage.

227
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,100
What? No, that's...
that's not mine.

228
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,700
I've never seen that before in my life.

229
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,200
No, you were reading it in the lobby.

230
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,500
What, no, you have me confused
with someone else.

231
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,000
No, no, look right here.
"From the personal library of Ted Mosby"

232
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,600
That's you.

233
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:27,100
Ted,

234
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,700
I hate to say this,

235
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,300
but I think it's
"nail the receptionist" time.

236
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,800
I'm not gonna nail the receptionist.

237
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,600
Ted, every little boy wants to grow up
to nail the doctor or the lawyer.

238
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,200
Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist.

239
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,000
No. I like Stella.

240
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,000
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there, Ted.

241
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,600
Your little Stella is not so perfect.

242
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,100
What do you mean?

243
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,500
I went down there
and checked her out for myself.

244
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,100
And while I was down there,

245
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,300
I discovered that she had a secret,

246
00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,300
a terrible... terrible secret.

247
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,600
What? What is it?

248
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,300
Hold on, I gotta pee.

249
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,400
Okay, I'm back.

250
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,200
What's going on at work?

251
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,600
What's the big secret?!

252
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,900
Oh. Oh, right.

253
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,900
Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please.

254
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,000
Sure, what's it regarding?

255
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,400
Oh, I just want to see her. Want to
look at her, see what she looks like.

256
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,400
I-I don't understand.

257
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,900
I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima
numero dos when I called?

258
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:32,800
<i>Do you speak English?</i>

259
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,900
I want to see her!

260
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,700
Sir, please don't yell at me

261
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,800
because when people yell at me,
I have a tendency to start crying.

262
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,800
Please don't do that. Please.

263
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:47,900
<i>At first she seemed great, beautiful,
smart, way out of your league.</i>

264
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,300
<i>But then, I overheard this conversation.</i>

265
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:55,500
Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist
call yet?

266
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,800
When am I going to kick
this folliculaphilia?

267
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,500
Folliculaphilia?

268
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,700
Folliculaphilia.

269
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,100
What is that?

270
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000
Ted, your perfect woman...

271
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,500
can only be attracted...

272
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,200
to men with moustaches.

273
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,900
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard. That's not real.

274
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,700
You're right, Ted.
I'm just making that up.

275
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,000
I know that you are
because there's no such thing.

276
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,600
I got it a little bit.

277
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,700
Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman.

278
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,200
Oh, hi, Ted.
Love the 'stache.

279
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,300
You look like a youngTom Selleck,
only a million times handsomer.

280
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,800
Dr. Zinman,
Magnum's here to see you.

281
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,100
Just kidding. Stupid.

282
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,300
Sorry I'm late.
Typical two-minute lunch.

283
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:00,400
So we are very close to getting...

284
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,200
Why? Just why?

285
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,700
Y-you don't remember?

286
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:15,600
I'll bet anyone ten bucks
I can get Ted to grow a moustache.

287
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,700
Uh... okay.

288
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,100
You sabotaged my next to last chance
with Stella for ten dollars?

289
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,000
I know.
I would've done it for free.

290
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,700
But, no. You owe me ten bucks.

291
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,000
This is awful. My-my tenth session
is next week.

292
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,800
I'm gonna ask her out and,

293
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:38,500
she's gonna say the most demoralizing
syllable in the English language, no.

294
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,600
You know what? Just forget it.
I'm not even gonna ask her.

295
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,700
No, you have to. She likes you.
She said so herself.

296
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,400
I mean...

297
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,500
Oh, my God,
you went and saw her, too.

298
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,700
I swear to you, I did not.

299
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,900
My wife's always getting on me
about my dry elbows.

300
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:00,700
So good to be in a relationship.

301
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,100
Anyone special in your life?

302
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:04,100
Or maybe just someone
you're interested in?

303
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,700
Interes-ted in?

304
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,300
You know, we should really
get this mole checked out.

305
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,900
It's just a little irregular.

306
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,400
<i>Irregular?</i>

307
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,100
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

308
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,700
<i>This is it. It's all over.</i>

309
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,000
One patients has this little butterfly
tattoo at the bottom of his back.

310
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,400
Can you stop talking
about your other patients?!

311
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,400
I'm dying here, woman!

312
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,500
Look, even if it is something,
it's easily treatable, so try to relax.

313
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,600
Okay.

314
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,800
Hey, what was it you were saying before
about the guy with the butterfly tattoo?

315
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,800
Oh, that... that's nothing.
It's just a little crush.

316
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,000
So I will be calling you
with your results.

317
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,700
Oh. Okay. Thank you.

318
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,200
Oh, sir, your book!

319
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,800
- No.
- Yes.

320
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:52,800
She said "crush"?

321
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,700
And she was talking about me?

322
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,300
<i>That last session was
the least painful of all.</i>

323
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,200
<i>I savored every searing blast
of that laser.</i>

324
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,500
All done.

325
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,900
<i>The moment I'd waited
ten weeks for had arrived.</i>

326
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,700
Stella...

327
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,700
...now that I'm no longer your patient,

328
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,200
would you like
to have dinner with me?

329
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:22,800
- Ted, you're a really nice guy...
- Oh, no.

330
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,400
It has been so great
getting to know you.

331
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,000
I am gonna kill Marshall.

332
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,700
I've had so much fun
these last ten weeks.

333
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:31,500
Oh, my God, this is worse
than the laser.

334
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,300
I have a daughter.

335
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,700
What?

336
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,100
Her name's Lucy.
She's eight.

337
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,500
Work and being with her,
that's pretty much my life.

338
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,200
My social calendar

339
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,900
is movie night with the girls
once a month when I can get a sitter.

340
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,600
I mean, I've been to one
party in the past year...

341
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:51,100
St. Paddy's Day...
it was awful, I left early.

342
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,700
But, really, my only free time is
the two minutes I get for lunch, so...

343
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,300
this is why I don't date.

344
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:03,200
I only have time for one most important
person in my life, and that's Lucy.

345
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,500
Anyway, it's been fun.

346
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,900
Next time, think before you ink.

347
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,600
But if you ever do
wake up with, like, a

348
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,900
dolphin tattoo on your ankle,
just give me a call.

349
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,700
There it is.. she's a mom.

350
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,000
It's just not gonna happen.

351
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,500
Sorry, dude.

352
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:27,800
Have a shrimp.

353
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:28,700
I'm good.

354
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:31,900
I guess I got
no one but myself to blame.

355
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,300
She told me right from the start she was
gonna say no and sure enough...

356
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,400
Wait a minute.

357
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,700
- Hi.
- Hi.

358
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,100
You didn't actually say no.

359
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:47,900
What do you mean?

360
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,800
All this time you were, uh, you were
supposed to say no, but you didn't...

361
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:51,900
I checked the transcript.

362
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:56,400
So, here's what I'm proposing.
Uh... you only have two minutes, right?

363
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,300
Right.

364
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,900
Okay. You want to, uh...
go on a a two-minute date with me?

365
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:05,600
Last two-minute date I had
gave me a daughter.

366
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,100
But um... Okay.

367
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:09,000
Great.

368
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,700
And... go.

369
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,900
Taxi!

370
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,700
- I seriously only have two minutes...
- I know.

371
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,300
That's like 120 seconds.

372
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,200
380 West 22nd, please.

373
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,500
And step on it.
We're in a hurry.

374
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,100
380 West 22nd? That's...

375
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,100
- Right this way.
- Thank you, sir.

376
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,700
You know, I have always wanted
to try this place.

377
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,700
House salad.

378
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:42,700
- So, college?
- Stanford.

379
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,400
- Wesleyan.
- Oh, good. Do you know Adam Lazar?

380
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,500
No. Scott Crable?

381
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,800
- Eggplant parmesean.
- Thanks.

382
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:52,900
- Already cut up.
- Could we get the check please.

383
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,700
We're trying to make
a movie in 15 seconds.

384
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,000
- Of course.
- Okay, great.

385
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,200
Uh, how do you want to do this?

386
00:17:57,300 --> 00:18:00,000
You had the eggplant parm.
I only really had water so...

387
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,100
I'm kidding.

388
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,700
Okay. Let's go.
Taxi!

389
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,200
- You nervous?
- A little bit.

390
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,900
- You can't tell at all.
- Oh, good.

391
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,900
Hello!

392
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,500
384 West 22nd.

393
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,800
- 15 seconds. The movie's started.
- Nah, previews. We'll be fine.

394
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:27,900
Ah! Just in time.
It hasn't started yet.

395
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,300
- So, what are we seeing?
- Manos: Hands of Fate.

396
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,300
- The whole thing?
- Only the important parts.

397
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,300
Worst movie ever.

398
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,600
Yeah, I almost walked out,
like, five times.

399
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:46,800
- How we doing on time? Taxi!
- We got a little time.

400
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,100
- Okay. Do you want to walk it?
- Why not?

401
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,300
Hello!

402
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,500
Good-bye!

403
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,700
So what grade's your daughter in?

404
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,600
- Third grade.
- Ah! That's a good year.

405
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:57,900
Yeah, she's wonderful.

406
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,300
I just wish that I could get her
to quit smoking, you know?

407
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,700
- What?
- I'm kidding.

408
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,600
Look, coffee and dessert?

409
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,200
You know, this neighborhood
just keeps on changing.

410
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,000
This used to be a cute,
little Italian restaurant.

411
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,000
I know. New York.

412
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:13,800
It's a living organism, an ever-changing
tapestry. Ooh, look at the time.

413
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,300
- Let's go.
- The cheesecake's amazing.

414
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,900
- Flowers?
- I'm allergic.

415
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,300
Okay. See? We're getting
to know each other.

416
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,300
Stella, I had a lovely...
Doggy bag?

417
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,300
- Stella, I had a lovely time.
- Me, too, Ted.

418
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,400
And... date.
Huh?

419
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,400
That wasn't so bad, right?
No lengthy, awkward silences.

420
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:43,100
Dessert ran a little long, so...
I had to cut the good-night kiss.

421
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:47,100
I think I can be late just once.

422
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,500
Look, I would love to have
a second date, I would.

423
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:05,500
But I understand that you really don't
have time right now, but if you ever do,

424
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,800
will you give me a call?

425
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,200
- Yes.
- Okay.

426
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,800
<i>And that, kids, is how
you turn a "no" into a "yes."</i>

427
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,200
All my friends told me,
"Abby, be strong.

428
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:25,000
He doesn't deserve another chance."
But I forgive you!

429
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,300
No, no, no, no!

430
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,800
He seems so nice but then
he just kept toying with my emotions.

431
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,400
This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk.

432
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,100
You know your problem?
You're too sweet.

433
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,200
Aren't you going to see
the doctor about that mole?

434
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,100
Oh, yeah.
Turns out it's just a Raisinet.

435
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,700
Hey, how would you like me
to take you out to a fancy restaurant

436
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,000
and then go on a shopping spree?

437
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,400
Treat you the way
you should be treated.

438
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,700
Would that make you forget
about that Ted monster?

439
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,300
My mom was wrong.
There are nice guys in New York.

440
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,600
We just have to go
by my hotel room first.

441
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,500
My bed was broken.
I just have to make sure they fixed it.

442
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,300
Well, then if it's fixed,
can we have sex on it

443
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,400
and then go shopping.

444
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,300
I like you.