1 00:00:01,972 --> 00:00:06,203 Kids, sometimes in life you see someone and you just instantly know 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,928 this is the person for you. 3 00:00:09,028 --> 00:00:10,277 It can happen anywhere. 4 00:00:10,459 --> 00:00:13,345 Even the waiting room of a tattoo removal clinic. 5 00:00:13,797 --> 00:00:15,694 And that's what happened when I met... 6 00:00:16,344 --> 00:00:17,446 ... Stella. 7 00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:24,422 Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp. 8 00:00:24,522 --> 00:00:25,662 My bread and butter. 9 00:00:26,329 --> 00:00:29,244 So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze. 10 00:00:29,477 --> 00:00:31,021 Unless it's a gang tattoo, in which case, 11 00:00:31,063 --> 00:00:33,044 I think it's time to find a new gang. 12 00:00:33,721 --> 00:00:35,936 No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, 13 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,077 and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... 14 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,881 Well, I can get rid of it in ten one-hour sessions, 15 00:00:41,986 --> 00:00:44,303 but, I should warn you, laser surgery's very painful. 16 00:00:44,739 --> 00:00:47,534 Well, I think you'll find I have a very high tolerance for pain. 17 00:00:47,636 --> 00:00:49,974 Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. 18 00:00:50,179 --> 00:00:53,704 - Oh, Plan 9 From Outer Space? - No, the worst movie... 19 00:00:53,806 --> 00:00:55,561 Manos: Hands of Fate. 20 00:00:55,768 --> 00:00:58,553 Uh, I'm a doctor, went to medical school. It's Plan 9. 21 00:00:58,656 --> 00:01:00,603 If you don't believe me, it's playing down at the Pamela Theater. 22 00:01:00,708 --> 00:01:02,362 I don't believe you, Doctor. 23 00:01:03,307 --> 00:01:04,902 Well, what are you doing tonight? 24 00:01:08,988 --> 00:01:09,692 Hello. 25 00:01:09,896 --> 00:01:11,383 - Hey, Ted. - Hey. 26 00:01:11,486 --> 00:01:13,251 Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. 27 00:01:13,499 --> 00:01:15,711 - Oh, no, no, don't... - Come on, I insist. 28 00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:17,422 That's so nice. Thank you. 29 00:01:17,738 --> 00:01:20,092 Hey, guys, this is my friend Ted. He wants to pay. 30 00:01:21,558 --> 00:01:23,934 - Thank you. - One, two, three, four. 31 00:01:28,769 --> 00:01:29,954 Is something wrong? 32 00:01:30,388 --> 00:01:31,933 No, it's just, um... 33 00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:35,941 I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. 34 00:01:36,306 --> 00:01:38,874 But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it. 35 00:01:40,289 --> 00:01:41,004 What's wrong? 36 00:01:41,457 --> 00:01:44,324 Ted's embarrassed, he thought this was a date. 37 00:01:44,967 --> 00:01:46,381 Ted thought this was a date. 38 00:01:46,489 --> 00:01:49,091 Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date? 39 00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:52,093 What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule. 40 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,593 She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule. 41 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,261 She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule. 44 00:02:04,919 --> 00:02:07,592 Synchro: MiniBen314 Proofreading: MiniBen314, Flovap 45 00:02:08,118 --> 00:02:11,452 Transcript: Raceman Resync: kabbage 46 00:02:11,858 --> 00:02:14,311 How I Met Your Mother 3x13- Ten Sessions 47 00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:17,333 for the "Have You Met Team" for www. forom. com 48 00:02:18,940 --> 00:02:20,703 And you bought all the tickets. 49 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,874 Yeah, yeah. Hey, you were right. 50 00:02:24,087 --> 00:02:26,832 Worst movie-going experience ever. 51 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:29,094 Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. 52 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:31,245 I am so sorry that you thought that was a date. 53 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,495 No, it's fine. I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. 54 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,692 All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, I'll just... 55 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,043 I'll wait until these ten session are up and then I'll ask you out then. 56 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,083 Well, then, fair warning: 57 00:02:43,849 --> 00:02:44,754 I'm going to say no. 58 00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:47,784 Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. 59 00:02:47,888 --> 00:02:50,014 I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. 60 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,323 What, you're married? 61 00:02:53,137 --> 00:02:53,965 Boyfriend? 62 00:02:54,068 --> 00:02:55,095 Lesbian? 63 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,814 Only date black guys? 64 00:02:57,628 --> 00:03:00,484 And yet you can say with absolute confidence 65 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:04,234 that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, your answer will be... 66 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,312 No. 67 00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:07,905 No... Hmm. 68 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,282 What could she mean when she says no? 69 00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:15,364 I don't know, it is totally cryptic. 70 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,235 This is far from over. 71 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:18,914 We're talking ten weeks from now. 72 00:03:19,019 --> 00:03:20,334 Who knows what she'll want then? 73 00:03:20,438 --> 00:03:22,584 Do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now? 74 00:03:22,789 --> 00:03:24,964 Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. 75 00:03:26,158 --> 00:03:27,703 Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman 76 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,585 to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 77 00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:31,132 8. 3 seconds. 78 00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:34,384 After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind. 79 00:03:34,488 --> 00:03:36,395 - That's ridiculous. - Is it? 80 00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:38,932 Describe your first 8. 3 seconds with Stella. 81 00:03:39,898 --> 00:03:42,824 Lower back butterfly tattoo, you're up. 82 00:03:47,630 --> 00:03:49,404 So we got off to a rocky start. 83 00:03:49,517 --> 00:03:51,284 That may be a problem for some guys, 84 00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:53,223 but I get better over time. 85 00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:55,113 I'm not some Top 40 song... 86 00:03:55,410 --> 00:03:56,742 easily digestible. 87 00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:58,702 I'm complex. I require... 88 00:03:58,807 --> 00:04:00,703 time and multiple listens. 89 00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:02,755 I'm "Stairway to Heaven. " 90 00:04:02,957 --> 00:04:06,753 Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. 91 00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:10,883 That's not the right guy, is it? 92 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:13,972 He's not even dead, is he? 93 00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:16,225 I think that's great, Ted. 94 00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:18,174 You can do whatever you set your mind to. 95 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:20,534 In fact, you've inspired me. 96 00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:22,683 I'm going to stop biting my nails. 97 00:04:22,789 --> 00:04:26,312 - But, baby, you love biting your nails. - I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. 98 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:30,893 God, this is really hard. 99 00:04:31,918 --> 00:04:33,354 Give me ten sessions, 100 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:34,984 I'm going to turn that "no" into a "yes. " 101 00:04:35,089 --> 00:04:37,074 Really, Ted? You think so? 102 00:04:37,388 --> 00:04:39,782 Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? 103 00:04:40,418 --> 00:04:42,005 This is going to hurt a little. 104 00:04:42,219 --> 00:04:44,102 Yeah, well, I can handle pain. 105 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,733 This one time I was playing tennis, and... 106 00:04:51,277 --> 00:04:54,605 Yeah, but tattoo removal really hurts. 107 00:04:54,707 --> 00:04:56,385 Everyone probably sounds like that. 108 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,385 Doctor, are you all right? I heard a woman screaming in here. 109 00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:10,813 Here's to nine more great sessions. 110 00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:17,395 And so the weeks went by. 111 00:05:17,927 --> 00:05:19,395 The second session I told her about 112 00:05:19,497 --> 00:05:22,083 how I spent a summer working with inner-city kids. 113 00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:25,332 The third session we both spoke nothing but French. 114 00:05:26,489 --> 00:05:29,912 The fourth session I made her laugh so hard she fell out of her chair. 115 00:05:32,439 --> 00:05:34,455 So by the time the fifth session came around... 116 00:05:34,777 --> 00:05:35,495 Still no. 117 00:05:37,579 --> 00:05:38,373 Still no. 118 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:40,964 What's up with that? I mean, I juggled. 119 00:05:41,377 --> 00:05:42,673 You juggled? 120 00:05:42,867 --> 00:05:44,805 I thought you were trying to impress her. 121 00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:46,075 You do magic. 122 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,883 How is juggling any lamer than magic? 123 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:49,394 Magic's not lame. 124 00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,735 - I don't get it. I mean... - Is this lame? 125 00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:57,145 We said no fireballs at the table. 126 00:05:57,408 --> 00:05:58,733 What the hell is wrong with you? 127 00:05:58,938 --> 00:06:00,104 There's alcohol in here. 128 00:06:00,308 --> 00:06:01,064 - Barney... - I... 129 00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,423 We've talked about this. 130 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,614 - It's a fire code violation. - Yeah, but Ted provoked me. 131 00:06:05,819 --> 00:06:07,902 No, you are on a time-out. Go sit over there. 132 00:06:08,108 --> 00:06:10,024 - But... - Go! 133 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,395 Anyway... I don't get it. 134 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,704 She should be into me by now. 135 00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,333 You know, you can do this, Ted. 136 00:06:17,537 --> 00:06:20,995 I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. 137 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,883 It's just a challenge. 138 00:06:22,989 --> 00:06:24,543 It can't be easy to woo someone while 139 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:26,762 you're sticking your naked butt in their face. 140 00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:28,472 Works for baboons. 141 00:06:30,877 --> 00:06:32,392 It's called "presenting. " 142 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:34,693 I got four sessions left. 143 00:06:34,799 --> 00:06:36,772 There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. 144 00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:40,185 You can't turn a "no" into a "yes", Ted. Can't be done. 145 00:06:40,282 --> 00:06:43,407 I don't know, Barney. I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. 146 00:06:43,511 --> 00:06:45,528 - I said "yes" eventually. - No, you didn't. 147 00:06:45,631 --> 00:06:47,484 You were like, "No, we can't, 148 00:06:47,588 --> 00:06:49,323 we're friends. It would mess up the dynamic 149 00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:50,594 - of the group. " - To Ted. 150 00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:51,662 Oh, right. 151 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,242 Wait a second. Wait a second, I got the angle. 152 00:06:54,869 --> 00:06:56,253 Sir, please don't yell at me, 153 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:59,544 because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying. 154 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:01,625 Please don't do it. 155 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,593 Abby, I've told you before. 156 00:07:03,697 --> 00:07:05,584 When they're rude to you, hang up the phone. 157 00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:09,093 Go on, you can do this, hang up. 158 00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:10,594 Hang it up. 159 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,725 I am too busy to waste my time... 160 00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:19,485 I'm sorry, I just wish that some of the patients would be nicer to you. 161 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,063 The receptionist. That's my way in. 162 00:07:22,268 --> 00:07:23,153 I like this. 163 00:07:23,357 --> 00:07:26,234 Seduce the receptionist. That's a great plan. 164 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,764 That's not the plan. 165 00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:30,032 And how would that help me with Stella? 166 00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:30,842 Who? 167 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:32,745 Here's the plan. 168 00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,163 Hi. Here. 169 00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:38,242 I stopped... 170 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,625 Hi, I stopped for coffee and I... 171 00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:45,853 and I thought I'd grab you something. 172 00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:48,114 Oh, wow, thank you, that's so nice. 173 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,112 You're like a knight. 174 00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,015 I should call you Sir Ted. 175 00:07:51,987 --> 00:07:52,683 What? 176 00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,732 Nothing. Nothing. It's really stupid. 177 00:07:56,538 --> 00:07:58,184 Um, Dr. Zinman, Ted's here. 178 00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:00,184 Thanks. Thanks, Abby. 179 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,233 And now we wait. 180 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,602 And sure enough, by session seven, 181 00:08:07,710 --> 00:08:09,452 she saw me in a whole new light. 182 00:08:09,559 --> 00:08:12,112 Okay, I'm about to break my big rule here. 183 00:08:12,677 --> 00:08:13,372 Break it. 184 00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:17,803 Abby goes bowling with her church group 185 00:08:17,907 --> 00:08:19,262 every Wednesday night... 186 00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,665 and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy. 187 00:08:24,088 --> 00:08:25,042 Abby is...? 188 00:08:26,949 --> 00:08:28,232 My receptionist. 189 00:08:28,669 --> 00:08:31,522 You really made quite an impression on her with the coffee the other day. 190 00:08:31,629 --> 00:08:33,135 I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you. 191 00:08:33,937 --> 00:08:35,062 Oh, Abby. 192 00:08:35,777 --> 00:08:37,454 I thought you said "Alan. " 193 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,645 But you just said, "Abby is...?" 194 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:41,805 Right. 195 00:08:42,508 --> 00:08:44,524 Right, I thought I said "Alan. " 196 00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:45,985 Who's Alan? 197 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:47,934 Who's Abby? 198 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:50,723 My receptionist. 199 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:52,682 Exactly. 200 00:08:56,408 --> 00:08:57,702 What is happening? 201 00:08:59,369 --> 00:09:01,453 You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. 202 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,895 You're right, no more gimmicks. 203 00:09:04,049 --> 00:09:04,755 One more gimmick. 204 00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:06,425 You know what's on her shelf? 205 00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,884 That self-help book The Power of Me. 206 00:09:09,978 --> 00:09:12,105 I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, 207 00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:13,762 maybe we'd have something new to talk about. 208 00:09:15,718 --> 00:09:19,145 It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory. 209 00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:20,395 Can I borrow your copy? 210 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,933 I left it somewhere. I forget. 211 00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:29,485 Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 212 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:30,692 Hi, Ted. 213 00:09:31,819 --> 00:09:33,095 I'll let her know. 214 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,453 Telepathically? 215 00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:40,702 That's funny. That's funny, smart, and great. 216 00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:45,125 I am so sorry that I am late. 217 00:09:45,227 --> 00:09:46,853 I have, like, two minutes for lunch everyday. It's crazy. 218 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,544 Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. 219 00:09:50,848 --> 00:09:53,683 I see you've read The Power of Me. It's funny... 220 00:09:53,788 --> 00:09:55,954 What? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, 221 00:09:56,059 --> 00:09:58,285 I would never read that piece of crap. 222 00:09:58,387 --> 00:09:59,832 Some patient left it here. 223 00:09:59,939 --> 00:10:02,793 Oh, thank God. I couldn't agree more. 224 00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:04,215 That's total crap. 225 00:10:04,317 --> 00:10:06,184 I see people reading that on the subway and I just want to shout, 226 00:10:06,288 --> 00:10:07,434 "Get a life, people!" 227 00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:10,274 - Ted, I found your book. - What? 228 00:10:10,488 --> 00:10:13,023 Your book The Power of Me. I think you accidentally dropped it in the garbage. 229 00:10:13,228 --> 00:10:14,815 What? No, that's... that's not mine. 230 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,403 I've never seen that before in my life. 231 00:10:16,608 --> 00:10:17,942 No, you were reading it in the lobby. 232 00:10:18,049 --> 00:10:20,204 What, no, you have me confused with someone else. 233 00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,783 No, no, look right here. "From the personal library of Ted Mosby" 234 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,333 That's you. 235 00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:27,835 Ted, 236 00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:29,452 I hate to say this, 237 00:10:29,558 --> 00:10:32,045 but I think it's "nail the receptionist" time. 238 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,595 I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. 239 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:37,365 Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor or the lawyer. 240 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,932 Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. 241 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,762 No. I like Stella. 242 00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:43,702 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. 243 00:10:43,808 --> 00:10:46,315 Your little Stella is not so perfect. 244 00:10:46,638 --> 00:10:47,834 What do you mean? 245 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:51,215 I went down there and checked her out for myself. 246 00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:54,802 And while I was down there, 247 00:10:54,909 --> 00:10:57,072 I discovered that she had a secret, 248 00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,035 a terrible... terrible secret. 249 00:11:02,187 --> 00:11:03,374 What? What is it? 250 00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,022 Hold on, I gotta pee. 251 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,157 Okay, I'm back. 252 00:11:16,163 --> 00:11:16,948 What's going on at work? 253 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,366 What's the big secret?! 254 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:19,656 Oh. Oh, right. 255 00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:21,615 Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. 256 00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:22,746 Sure, what's it regarding? 257 00:11:23,103 --> 00:11:26,168 Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like. 258 00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:28,165 I-I don't understand. 259 00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:31,626 I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? 260 00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:33,546 Do you speak English? 261 00:11:33,881 --> 00:11:35,677 I want to see her! 262 00:11:36,013 --> 00:11:37,426 Sir, please don't yell at me 263 00:11:37,633 --> 00:11:40,516 because when people yell at me, I have a tendency to start crying. 264 00:11:41,681 --> 00:11:43,555 Please don't do that. Please. 265 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:48,588 At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league. 266 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,007 But then, I overheard this conversation. 267 00:11:52,603 --> 00:11:56,277 Oh, Abby, did my hypnotherapist call yet? 268 00:11:56,723 --> 00:11:59,575 When am I going to kick this folliculaphilia? 269 00:12:06,091 --> 00:12:07,206 Folliculaphilia? 270 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,458 Folliculaphilia. 271 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:10,875 What is that? 272 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,716 Ted, your perfect woman... 273 00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:15,237 can only be attracted... 274 00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,905 to men with moustaches. 275 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:23,638 That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's not real. 276 00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:26,395 You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. 277 00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:28,726 I know that you are because there's no such thing. 278 00:12:30,703 --> 00:12:32,316 I got it a little bit. 279 00:12:38,573 --> 00:12:40,445 Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. 280 00:12:40,651 --> 00:12:42,976 Oh, hi, Ted. Love the 'stache. 281 00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:46,076 You look like a youngTom Selleck, only a million times handsomer. 282 00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:51,488 Dr. Zinman, Magnum's here to see you. 283 00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:53,866 Just kidding. Stupid. 284 00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:58,068 Sorry I'm late. Typical two-minute lunch. 285 00:12:58,241 --> 00:13:01,176 So we are very close to getting... 286 00:13:07,010 --> 00:13:08,975 Why? Just why? 287 00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:11,435 Y-you don't remember? 288 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,356 I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a moustache. 289 00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:18,445 Uh... okay. 290 00:13:20,322 --> 00:13:23,867 You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars? 291 00:13:24,072 --> 00:13:26,697 I know. I would've done it for free. 292 00:13:27,511 --> 00:13:29,417 But, no. You owe me ten bucks. 293 00:13:30,432 --> 00:13:33,766 This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. 294 00:13:33,942 --> 00:13:35,537 I'm gonna ask her out and, 295 00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:39,217 she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the English language, no. 296 00:13:40,383 --> 00:13:42,307 You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even gonna ask her. 297 00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:45,455 No, you have to. She likes you. She said so herself. 298 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,088 I mean... 299 00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,267 Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. 300 00:13:49,473 --> 00:13:51,396 I swear to you, I did not. 301 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:59,605 My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. 302 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,427 So good to be in a relationship. 303 00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:02,786 Anyone special in your life? 304 00:14:02,821 --> 00:14:04,847 Or maybe just someone you're interested in? 305 00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:07,405 Interes-ted in? 306 00:14:10,053 --> 00:14:12,005 You know, we should really get this mole checked out. 307 00:14:12,111 --> 00:14:13,635 It's just a little irregular. 308 00:14:13,741 --> 00:14:15,116 Irregular? 309 00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:16,786 Oh, my God. 310 00:14:16,893 --> 00:14:19,466 This is it. It's all over. 311 00:14:19,671 --> 00:14:21,705 One patients has this little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back. 312 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:24,135 Can you stop talking about your other patients?! 313 00:14:24,243 --> 00:14:26,085 I'm dying here, woman! 314 00:14:27,762 --> 00:14:31,216 Look, even if it is something, it's easily treatable, so try to relax. 315 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:32,358 Okay. 316 00:14:32,563 --> 00:14:35,567 Hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? 317 00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:39,525 Oh, that... that's nothing. It's just a little crush. 318 00:14:40,331 --> 00:14:42,705 So I will be calling you with your results. 319 00:14:42,811 --> 00:14:44,466 Oh. Okay. Thank you. 320 00:14:46,472 --> 00:14:47,937 Oh, sir, your book! 321 00:14:49,862 --> 00:14:51,537 - No. - Yes. 322 00:14:52,263 --> 00:14:53,556 She said "crush"? 323 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:56,405 And she was talking about me? 324 00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,997 That last session was the least painful of all. 325 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,918 I savored every searing blast of that laser. 326 00:15:03,022 --> 00:15:04,196 All done. 327 00:15:04,791 --> 00:15:07,637 The moment I'd waited ten weeks for had arrived. 328 00:15:08,421 --> 00:15:09,387 Stella... 329 00:15:10,521 --> 00:15:13,448 ... now that I'm no longer your patient, 330 00:15:14,402 --> 00:15:16,915 would you like to have dinner with me? 331 00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,566 - Ted, you're a really nice guy... - Oh, no. 332 00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,158 It has been so great getting to know you. 333 00:15:26,363 --> 00:15:27,737 I am gonna kill Marshall. 334 00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:29,407 I've had so much fun these last ten weeks. 335 00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:32,207 Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. 336 00:15:32,703 --> 00:15:34,076 I have a daughter. 337 00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:36,405 What? 338 00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:38,795 Her name's Lucy. She's eight. 339 00:15:38,902 --> 00:15:42,258 Work and being with her, that's pretty much my life. 340 00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:43,888 My social calendar 341 00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:46,605 is movie night with the girls once a month when I can get a sitter. 342 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,285 I mean, I've been to one party in the past year... 343 00:15:49,391 --> 00:15:51,798 St. Paddy's Day... it was awful, I left early. 344 00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:55,405 But, really, my only free time is the two minutes I get for lunch, so... 345 00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:57,018 this is why I don't date. 346 00:15:59,461 --> 00:16:03,947 I only have time for one most important person in my life, and that's Lucy. 347 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,247 Anyway, it's been fun. 348 00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,597 Next time, think before you ink. 349 00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:11,345 But if you ever do wake up with, like, a 350 00:16:11,573 --> 00:16:15,618 dolphin tattoo on your ankle, just give me a call. 351 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:22,465 There it is.. she's a mom. 352 00:16:23,671 --> 00:16:24,757 It's just not gonna happen. 353 00:16:24,961 --> 00:16:26,245 Sorry, dude. 354 00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:28,536 Have a shrimp. 355 00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:29,468 I'm good. 356 00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:32,586 I guess I got no one but myself to blame. 357 00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:36,028 She told me right from the start she was gonna say no and sure enough... 358 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,086 Wait a minute. 359 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:45,428 - Hi. - Hi. 360 00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:47,787 You didn't actually say no. 361 00:16:47,891 --> 00:16:48,655 What do you mean? 362 00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:51,558 All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't... 363 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:52,618 I checked the transcript. 364 00:16:53,883 --> 00:16:57,165 So, here's what I'm proposing. Uh... You only have two minutes, right? 365 00:16:57,373 --> 00:16:58,068 Right. 366 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,588 Okay. You want to, uh... go on a a two-minute date with me? 367 00:17:03,452 --> 00:17:06,296 Last two-minute date I had gave me a daughter. 368 00:17:06,481 --> 00:17:08,795 But um... Okay. 369 00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:09,705 Great. 370 00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:14,425 And... go. 371 00:17:14,802 --> 00:17:16,636 Taxi! 372 00:17:18,016 --> 00:17:18,986 Ranjit: Hello! 373 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,388 - I seriously only have two minutes... - I know. 374 00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:25,026 That's like 120 seconds. 375 00:17:25,132 --> 00:17:26,946 380 West 22nd, please. 376 00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:28,245 And step on it. We're in a hurry. 377 00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,858 380 West 22nd? That's... 378 00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:36,805 - Right this way. - Thank you, sir. 379 00:17:37,243 --> 00:17:39,458 You know, I have always wanted to try this place. 380 00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,476 House salad. 381 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,455 - So, college? - Stanford. 382 00:17:43,983 --> 00:17:46,157 - Wesleyan. - Oh my god, do you know Adam Lazar? 383 00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:48,275 No. Scott Crable? 384 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,496 Wendy: Eggplant parmesean. - Thanks. 385 00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:53,648 - Already cut up. - Could we get the check please. 386 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:55,396 We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. 387 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,746 - Of course. - Okay, great. 388 00:17:56,851 --> 00:17:57,936 Uh, how do you want to do this? 389 00:17:58,042 --> 00:18:00,726 You had the eggplant parm. I only really had water so... 390 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:01,858 I'm kidding. 391 00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:04,478 Okay. Let's go. Taxi! 392 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:06,886 - You nervous? - A little bit. 393 00:18:06,991 --> 00:18:08,637 - You can't tell at all. - Oh, good. 394 00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,668 Ranjit: Hello! 395 00:18:17,202 --> 00:18:19,195 384 West 22nd. 396 00:18:19,741 --> 00:18:23,556 - 15 seconds. The movie's started. - Nah, previews. We'll be fine. 397 00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:28,588 Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. 398 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,055 - So, what are we seeing? - Manos: Hands of Fate. 399 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:34,056 - The whole thing? - Only the important parts. 400 00:18:39,943 --> 00:18:42,015 Worst movie ever. 401 00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:44,376 Yeah, I almost walked out, like, five times. 402 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,535 - How we doing on time? Taxi! - We got a little time. 403 00:18:47,641 --> 00:18:49,876 - Okay. Do you want to walk it? - Why not? 404 00:18:49,981 --> 00:18:50,996 Ranjit: Hello! 405 00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:53,268 Good-bye! 406 00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:55,407 So what grade's your daughter in? 407 00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:57,296 - Third grade. - Ah! That's a good year. 408 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,605 Yeah, she's wonderful. 409 00:18:58,712 --> 00:19:01,077 I just wish that I could get her to quit smoking, you know? 410 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,435 - What? - I'm kidding. 411 00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:05,347 Look, coffee and dessert? 412 00:19:05,632 --> 00:19:07,948 You know, this neighborhood just keeps on changing. 413 00:19:08,123 --> 00:19:09,717 This used to be a cute, little Italian restaurant. 414 00:19:09,821 --> 00:19:10,746 I know. New York. 415 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,538 It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. Ooh, look at the time. 416 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,016 - Let's go. - The cheesecake's amazing. 417 00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,625 - Flowers? - I'm allergic. 418 00:19:20,932 --> 00:19:24,038 Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. 419 00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:28,028 Stella, I had a lovely... Doggy bag? 420 00:19:28,591 --> 00:19:32,008 - Stella, I had a lovely time. - Me, too, Ted. 421 00:19:32,273 --> 00:19:35,097 And... date. Huh? 422 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:39,155 That wasn't so bad, right? No lengthy, awkward silences. 423 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:43,865 Dessert ran a little long, so... I had to cut the good-night kiss. 424 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,787 I think I can be late just once. 425 00:19:59,373 --> 00:20:02,218 Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. 426 00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:06,256 But I understand that you really don't have time right now, but if you ever do, 427 00:20:06,361 --> 00:20:07,518 will you give me a call? 428 00:20:08,203 --> 00:20:09,895 - Yes. - Okay. 429 00:20:13,301 --> 00:20:17,487 And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" into a "yes. " 430 00:20:21,192 --> 00:20:22,897 All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong. 431 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,698 He doesn't deserve another chance. " But I forgive you! 432 00:20:25,802 --> 00:20:27,055 No, no, no, no! 433 00:20:31,076 --> 00:20:34,401 He seemed so nice but then he just kept toying with my emotions. 434 00:20:35,724 --> 00:20:37,999 This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. 435 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:41,629 You know your problem? You're too sweet. 436 00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,800 Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole? 437 00:20:44,127 --> 00:20:46,629 Oh, yeah. Turns out it's just a Raisinet. 438 00:20:48,554 --> 00:20:52,272 Hey, how would you like me to take you out to a fancy restaurant 439 00:20:52,374 --> 00:20:54,592 and then go on a shopping spree? 440 00:20:54,694 --> 00:20:56,940 Treat you the way you should be treated. 441 00:20:57,046 --> 00:20:59,229 Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? 442 00:21:00,005 --> 00:21:02,859 My mom was wrong. There are nice guys in New York. 443 00:21:04,124 --> 00:21:06,182 We just have to go by my hotel room first. 444 00:21:06,284 --> 00:21:09,071 My bed was broken. I just have to make sure they fixed it. 445 00:21:09,714 --> 00:21:11,852 Well, then if it's fixed, can we have sex on it 446 00:21:11,885 --> 00:21:14,002 and then go shopping? 447 00:21:15,707 --> 00:21:16,712 I like you.