1
00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:20,722
So I've been thinking
a lot about it, and...
2
00:00:21,004 --> 00:00:24,067
I'd really like to start calling
you "Shorty" in public.
3
00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:26,907
By the way, my office is throwing
a party tomorrow, and I would...
4
00:00:26,933 --> 00:00:28,963
- I'd really like for you to be there.
- Well, I have a photo shoot,
5
00:00:28,969 --> 00:00:31,157
- but I think I could come after that.
- (Phone chirps) Oh, yeah, well,
6
00:00:31,325 --> 00:00:32,588
that sounds good.
7
00:00:32,674 --> 00:00:34,494
- Who's that?
- Hmm?
8
00:00:34,821 --> 00:00:36,327
(Chuckles)
It's my doctor.
9
00:00:36,349 --> 00:00:37,957
Uh, D-Dr. Cover.
10
00:00:37,989 --> 00:00:41,581
Doc-Doctor Wyland Cover.
He's my oncologist.
11
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,890
- He's an oncologist.
- WINSTON: Hey,
12
00:00:43,915 --> 00:00:45,553
you guys know
anything about cats?
13
00:00:45,572 --> 00:00:47,096
Yeah, I'm trying to score
some points with Daisy,
14
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,428
so I promised to watch
her cat tonight.
15
00:00:48,441 --> 00:00:50,376
They carry disease, they're
obsessed with my nipples,
16
00:00:50,391 --> 00:00:52,335
and they are unwelcome
in this loft.
17
00:00:52,355 --> 00:00:55,024
Did you just say that cats are
obsessed with your nipples?
18
00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:56,847
I've told you this story before.
19
00:00:58,842 --> 00:01:00,845
(Cats purring and meowing)
20
00:01:02,841 --> 00:01:05,423
I think I would have remembered
that story.
21
00:01:05,477 --> 00:01:06,605
No cats.
22
00:01:06,645 --> 00:01:07,423
(Groans)
23
00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:09,498
Come on, bangs, you
sons of bitches.
24
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:11,305
- Here, let me do 'em, Jess.
- What?
25
00:01:11,975 --> 00:01:13,527
- Nick, Nick, stop.
- What?
26
00:01:13,546 --> 00:01:15,221
- Stop, you're gonna ruin it.
- I'm not gonna ruin...
27
00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:17,732
- I was... I was making 'em look prettier.
- - No, you weren't.
28
00:01:17,829 --> 00:01:19,953
- Then they look perfect as is.
- Can I ask you a question?
29
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,578
Absolutely... we having
this thing right now?
30
00:01:21,609 --> 00:01:23,803
- Do I look okay?
- Do you look okay?
31
00:01:23,872 --> 00:01:25,485
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah!
32
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,078
- I want to put it on you.
- On? Put it on me?
33
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,228
Yeah, on... I stand by that.
34
00:01:30,535 --> 00:01:32,369
I'd like to put it on you.
35
00:01:32,913 --> 00:01:34,301
What is wrong, Jess?
36
00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:36,865
I've been at this new
school for a week now
37
00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:38,877
and I still haven't made
any friends.
38
00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:42,788
There's, like, a clique of
teachers, and they run the school.
39
00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:45,595
♪ You keep bumpin' me
against the wall ♪
40
00:01:45,610 --> 00:01:47,504
♪ Yeah, I know I let
you slide before ♪
41
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:51,005
♪ Hey, but until you
seen me, trust me ♪
42
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,002
♪ You ain't seen bouncin' back ♪
43
00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,283
♪ You keep bumpin' me
against the wall ♪
44
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,284
I just want them to like me.
45
00:01:57,312 --> 00:01:58,780
I know it sounds dumb, but...
46
00:01:58,803 --> 00:02:00,166
Leave it to me. I'll fix it.
47
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,561
You're Nick Miller's girl now.
You're my old lady.
48
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,346
- What?
- Whatever you need, you got it.
49
00:02:04,364 --> 00:02:06,088
Why are you talking like
a James Taylor song?
50
00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:06,963
I don't know.
51
00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:09,371
Hey, either of you guys
know anything about cats?
52
00:02:09,381 --> 00:02:12,304
Oh, my God, Schmidt has
the greatest cat story!
53
00:02:12,749 --> 00:02:15,062
- Ugh, I was there... it's disgusting.
- You shut your damn mouth, Jess.
54
00:02:15,074 --> 00:02:17,499
- Thought it was cute...
- Oh, grow up!
55
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,431
Nothing came out.
56
00:02:20,729 --> 00:02:22,199
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
57
00:02:22,231 --> 00:02:24,234
♪ Who's that girl ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
58
00:02:24,247 --> 00:02:26,747
3.02 - Nerd
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
59
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,272
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
60
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,449
You know what? I've never
actually seen you this happy.
61
00:02:33,146 --> 00:02:34,958
- Who are you?
- I don't know, it's weird.
62
00:02:34,982 --> 00:02:37,001
I've never seen you smile. Ever.
63
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,865
This is the first time.
It's not bad.
64
00:02:38,878 --> 00:02:40,915
- I mean, it's not great.
- Yeah, I agree.
65
00:02:40,946 --> 00:02:41,970
Somewhere right in the middle.
66
00:02:41,997 --> 00:02:43,802
- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Of course.
67
00:02:43,826 --> 00:02:45,420
Hypothetically speaking,
68
00:02:45,451 --> 00:02:48,729
what if you met somebody that
you... that you liked, uh,
69
00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:50,986
- just as much as Jess?
- Schmidt, stop.
70
00:02:51,053 --> 00:02:53,092
Okay, you picked Cece,
so let Elizabeth go.
71
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:54,556
Initially I said
"hypothetically," so just...
72
00:02:54,577 --> 00:02:56,665
Do you know a place I can
get cheap school supplies?
73
00:02:56,675 --> 00:02:59,861
I only have $15 and a halfie...
$15 and a halfie.
74
00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:01,816
- A halfie?
- Yeah, it's a half.
75
00:03:01,842 --> 00:03:04,580
- It got ripped, so it's a half.
- No one's gonna accept that as currency.
76
00:03:04,844 --> 00:03:05,910
Hey, what's up, guys?
77
00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:07,882
- Did you press the button?
- I thought you pressed the button!
78
00:03:07,893 --> 00:03:09,562
What is wrong with you?!
79
00:03:10,216 --> 00:03:12,579
- What did you do when you walked in?
- Talked to you.
80
00:03:12,611 --> 00:03:14,372
Guys, I'm gonna go
pick up Daisy's cat.
81
00:03:14,397 --> 00:03:16,314
You know, you don't just ask anybody
to take care of your cat.
82
00:03:16,333 --> 00:03:19,238
That's a very serious thing, so I
decided I'm gonna go over there
83
00:03:19,257 --> 00:03:22,488
and I'm gonna ask Daisy
to be my girlfriend.
84
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:24,057
- You are?
- Whoa!
85
00:03:24,090 --> 00:03:25,570
- Yeah.
- Major move!
86
00:03:25,589 --> 00:03:27,648
- Good stuff.
- Look at you, man.
87
00:03:27,661 --> 00:03:30,067
So I'm just gonna go over there
and I'm gonna tell Daisy,
88
00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:34,952
"Listen, my heart is a two-man bike,
and I want you in the rear."
89
00:03:36,147 --> 00:03:38,260
- What do you think?
- Winston, don't say that.
90
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:40,212
You want her in your...?
You can say "the rear."
91
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:42,537
- You don't want her in your rear.
- No, don't say "the rear" at any time.
92
00:03:42,564 --> 00:03:43,676
- You guys are just jealous.
- What?
93
00:03:43,697 --> 00:03:45,045
You guys are gonna
steal my swag.
94
00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:47,675
I wouldn't even know how
to begin to steal a swag.
95
00:03:48,670 --> 00:03:51,110
- I thought you pressed the button.
- I've been way over here.
96
00:03:51,789 --> 00:03:53,602
- I-I haven't pressed...
- I'll press the button.
97
00:03:53,669 --> 00:03:55,182
Last night,
98
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:57,504
I rectified our budget
99
00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:02,490
while taking a long
soak in my new Jacooz.
100
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:05,466
My elbows are as soft as babies.
101
00:04:05,493 --> 00:04:07,737
I love a soft elbow.
102
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,405
How about you bring
that noise over here.
103
00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:10,212
(Teachers snickering)
104
00:04:10,237 --> 00:04:11,400
Good meeting.
105
00:04:11,661 --> 00:04:13,295
Great, well...
106
00:04:13,436 --> 00:04:14,892
Uh...
107
00:04:15,373 --> 00:04:16,837
(Laughter)
108
00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:18,963
- Foster's such a dork.
- He needs to get laid.
109
00:04:19,021 --> 00:04:20,874
I got laid.
(Chuckles)
110
00:04:21,947 --> 00:04:23,435
This morning.
111
00:04:23,493 --> 00:04:25,094
From my boyfriend.
112
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,119
So...
113
00:04:26,144 --> 00:04:29,033
coitus no-one-interruptus.
114
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:30,544
That...
115
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,569
because we finished, so...
116
00:04:33,383 --> 00:04:35,972
- Why are you talking to us?
- You have owl eyes.
117
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,506
Yeah.
118
00:04:39,838 --> 00:04:40,804
Hey!
119
00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:41,611
(Quietly):
Trust me.
120
00:04:41,628 --> 00:04:43,241
What's up, teachers?
121
00:04:43,277 --> 00:04:45,837
Who wants free school supplies?
122
00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:48,349
- What are you doing here?
- Point to the ones who don't like you...
123
00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:50,435
- I can handle this myself.
- I'm fixing it for you.
124
00:04:51,062 --> 00:04:52,375
And then she... Yeah.
125
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:55,431
Say, listen, why don't you guys come
to my bar later for free drinks.
126
00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:56,736
Teachers don't pay.
127
00:04:57,754 --> 00:05:00,298
- We'll think about it.
- Okay, they'll think about it.
128
00:05:01,372 --> 00:05:02,491
Bye.
129
00:05:03,154 --> 00:05:04,108
Oh, my God.
130
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:05,663
- That was genius.
- It's a no-brainer.
131
00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:07,947
Whoa, that's an amazing
move, sex partner.
132
00:05:07,961 --> 00:05:09,102
Sex part...
133
00:05:09,147 --> 00:05:11,878
With the promotion, uh,
I got a new office,
134
00:05:11,905 --> 00:05:15,118
so I don't have to look at Bethany's
mismanaged eyebrows all day.
135
00:05:15,284 --> 00:05:17,345
Do you like it? It's a
perfect two-thirds replica
136
00:05:17,369 --> 00:05:20,605
of Don Draper's office from Mad
Men, and you're my sexy Peggy.
137
00:05:20,638 --> 00:05:22,400
Good God, at least
shut the door.
138
00:05:22,424 --> 00:05:24,834
- My tiny credenza is in the way.
- Hey, Elizabeth,
139
00:05:24,869 --> 00:05:26,825
are you gonna be coming to
the party tomorrow night?
140
00:05:26,853 --> 00:05:29,341
- Party? What party?
- The big office party.
141
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,765
Schmidt,
did you not invite her?
142
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,340
I was just about to
invite you to go.
143
00:05:35,388 --> 00:05:37,255
Cool, it's a date.
144
00:05:37,357 --> 00:05:40,355
- Bye, baby.
- Bye. Mwah, mwah.
145
00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:44,966
How... how dare you interfere
with my personal life, you crone.
146
00:05:45,049 --> 00:05:48,856
I don't... I don't kick up a fuss when you
massage yourself with your yoga ball.
147
00:05:48,869 --> 00:05:51,001
Oh, I'm sorry, were you
gonna invite Cece?
148
00:05:51,019 --> 00:05:54,488
Beth, please. I am in love
with both of these women.
149
00:05:54,883 --> 00:05:57,071
Do I feel bad about
lying to them?
150
00:05:57,075 --> 00:05:59,005
Yes. I'm a Sagittarius.
151
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,799
Congrats on your new office.
152
00:06:00,935 --> 00:06:03,141
Gina gave birth on that carpet.
153
00:06:09,622 --> 00:06:11,170
Consider this closed.
154
00:06:12,108 --> 00:06:14,030
WINSTON:
Right, so, yeah, um...
155
00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:17,662
Um, so, Daisy, what I was
really trying to say...
156
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,000
is, uh...
157
00:06:20,476 --> 00:06:22,926
- Is your shower running? - Yeah, I
was just about to take a shower.
158
00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:24,236
- What's going on?
- Okay.
159
00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:27,835
Um, Daisy, I think
what we have is real,
160
00:06:27,924 --> 00:06:30,277
and, uh, I want us
to be exclusive...
161
00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:34,284
just you and me in the rear.
162
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,470
Yeah, that sounds great.
163
00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:39,251
Awesome, um...
164
00:06:42,805 --> 00:06:44,349
Sorry, that's mine.
165
00:06:44,518 --> 00:06:47,789
So, Furguson gets his wet food in
the morning, dry food at night.
166
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,676
(Shower turns off)
167
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:54,678
- Somebody in there?
- No.
168
00:06:54,692 --> 00:06:56,426
(Toilet flushes)
169
00:06:56,662 --> 00:06:58,346
No treats after midnight.
170
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:04,809
"Oh, my name is Principal Foster,
and this is the Jacooz."
171
00:07:04,844 --> 00:07:06,406
- "The Jacooz."
- (Laughs)
172
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,619
He's so nice, don't you think?
173
00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:10,732
He's such a nice boss.
174
00:07:10,935 --> 00:07:12,394
(Clears throat)
175
00:07:12,978 --> 00:07:15,001
Y'all want some drinks?
176
00:07:15,138 --> 00:07:16,090
- Yeah, okay.
- Yep.
177
00:07:16,113 --> 00:07:18,376
- Yeah. Thank, thank you.
- Thank you.
178
00:07:18,602 --> 00:07:20,499
What do you think?
I think it's going really well.
179
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,292
Okay, I just realized
what's happening.
180
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:26,025
It's high school over there, and they're
the cool kids, and you're the nerd.
181
00:07:26,056 --> 00:07:27,219
I was never a nerd.
182
00:07:27,249 --> 00:07:29,884
♪ On western wings
the fowls doth fly ♪
183
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:32,276
♪ On briny swells the
fishes doth swim ♪
184
00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:34,218
Oh, like you were so cool.
185
00:07:34,243 --> 00:07:35,281
(Grunting)
186
00:07:35,302 --> 00:07:36,280
Stall!
187
00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:38,889
CROWD (Chanting):
Nick! Nick! Nick!
188
00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:40,829
(Crowd exclaims)
189
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:44,218
- The Miller Sack Pack.
- Miller Sack Pack?
190
00:07:44,249 --> 00:07:45,971
They made shirts.
191
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,953
You know what? I'm not
explaining my coolness to you.
192
00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:50,801
I was cool. Listen to me. You
want to be in with them?
193
00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:53,120
Roll with the punches,
go with the flow.
194
00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:55,016
Make fun of your
boss a little bit.
195
00:07:55,084 --> 00:07:56,828
Don't follow your instincts.
196
00:07:57,115 --> 00:07:58,190
I wouldn't sing.
197
00:07:58,224 --> 00:08:01,216
But most importantly,
follow my lead.
198
00:08:01,331 --> 00:08:04,267
And by "follow my
lead," I mean drink.
199
00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:05,954
And I mean drink...
200
00:08:06,651 --> 00:08:07,576
a lot.
201
00:08:07,605 --> 00:08:10,545
Drinking to be cool, Nick?
That's not a real thing.
202
00:08:10,564 --> 00:08:13,228
That's the only thing in the
world I know to be true.
203
00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:16,366
Schools are for fools!
204
00:08:16,391 --> 00:08:17,727
They are.
(Crowd cheering)
205
00:08:17,738 --> 00:08:19,831
Sometimes firemen are women!
206
00:08:19,881 --> 00:08:22,159
Sometimes! Sometimes!
(Crowd cheering)
207
00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:26,049
(Groaning)
208
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,212
Hey, there she is.
Ol' Toilet Pants,
209
00:08:29,248 --> 00:08:32,587
the girl who bet herself six dollars
she could dance in a toilet bowl.
210
00:08:33,122 --> 00:08:36,388
♪ Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
211
00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:38,525
♪ What's going on? ♪
212
00:08:38,941 --> 00:08:40,078
I'm cool.
213
00:08:40,092 --> 00:08:41,963
You are cool, but you
still got to go to work,
214
00:08:41,983 --> 00:08:44,081
'cause you're running
late, so up and at 'em.
215
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,963
Hey, Nick, I got to talk to you.
I have a real problem.
216
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,438
- Oh, my God. Did you kill Jess?
- No, no, no, no.
217
00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:50,475
She just got really drunk last
night, and she passed out.
218
00:08:50,485 --> 00:08:51,777
Hey, guys.
219
00:08:52,111 --> 00:08:54,505
- Are you crying, buddy?
- No. (Chuckles)
220
00:08:54,573 --> 00:08:55,495
Hey, did he kill Jess?
221
00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:57,880
- No, I didn't kill Je...
- (Groaning)
222
00:08:58,017 --> 00:08:59,755
Okay, remember when
I was so hungover,
223
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:02,588
- I almost missed my flight for Christmas?
- Ah, count it down.
224
00:09:02,711 --> 00:09:04,645
- Three, two, one.
- Two, one.
225
00:09:04,763 --> 00:09:08,032
(Off-key):
♪ I believe I can fly ♪
226
00:09:08,059 --> 00:09:11,102
♪ I believe I can
touch the sky ♪
227
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:14,368
♪ I think about it
every night and day ♪
228
00:09:14,401 --> 00:09:17,595
♪ Spread my wings
and fly away ♪
229
00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:19,457
♪ I believe I can soar ♪
230
00:09:19,487 --> 00:09:20,643
♪ Soar... ♪
231
00:09:20,716 --> 00:09:22,395
- I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.
- NICK: Oh, she's awake.
232
00:09:22,426 --> 00:09:24,126
That was beautiful.
Where are my tights?
233
00:09:24,145 --> 00:09:26,033
Uh, in the bathroom
where you barfed.
234
00:09:26,828 --> 00:09:28,567
- You sounded really good there, man.
- Start the band.
235
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:29,441
What did you do to her?
236
00:09:29,472 --> 00:09:31,428
I just told her that I thought
drinking would make her cool.
237
00:09:31,457 --> 00:09:33,470
What are you, a 14-year-old
hockey player?
238
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,145
You're supposed to protect
her, not encourage her.
239
00:09:35,154 --> 00:09:37,548
Okay, I am protecting her.
She's my old lady now.
240
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,671
- By turning her into you?
- I'm not...
241
00:09:39,781 --> 00:09:41,906
Yeah, Daisy cheating on me.
242
00:09:45,165 --> 00:09:47,584
Wait, we're using real honey?
So sticky.
243
00:09:47,727 --> 00:09:50,448
Hey, babe!
What a nice surprise!
244
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:53,915
I came to tell you that you can't
come with me to the party tonight.
245
00:09:54,109 --> 00:09:57,028
They just told me that
it's employees only.
246
00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,297
- No sig oths.
- Just say "significant others."
247
00:09:59,306 --> 00:10:01,457
Maybe you have that kind of
time, but I'm on a tight sched.
248
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:03,978
Looks like we're gonna go late
here anyway, so no worries.
249
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:05,875
All right... Shorty.
250
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:06,825
(Laughs)
251
00:10:06,843 --> 00:10:09,130
All right, bring in the bees!
(Bees buzzing)
252
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:11,757
Oh, wait. The bees are real, too?
Oh, hell no!
253
00:10:11,997 --> 00:10:13,816
Nick, I need your help, okay?
254
00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:15,171
Now, I am no plumber,
255
00:10:15,183 --> 00:10:18,343
but I'm 99% sure that there
was a guy in her bathroom.
256
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:20,525
So, she agreed
to be exclusive with you...
257
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:23,522
while the guy she is
obviously sleeping with
258
00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:27,414
was washing his size 15
ding-dong in the shower.
259
00:10:27,846 --> 00:10:29,309
And now you're taking care
of her cat.
260
00:10:29,341 --> 00:10:30,582
Those are the
bullet points, yes.
261
00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:33,494
You know what you got to do to get
yourself out of this situation.
262
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:36,692
Break up with Daisy!
263
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,023
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're
making some very good points.
264
00:10:39,048 --> 00:10:41,020
You know, break up with Daisy.
That's an option.
265
00:10:41,044 --> 00:10:43,587
I was thinking, like,
I'll kill her cat.
266
00:10:43,763 --> 00:10:45,023
Winston.
267
00:10:46,238 --> 00:10:47,901
Yeah, I'm-I'm gonna
kill her cat first.
268
00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:49,533
- Hey.
- I'm gonna kill you.
269
00:10:49,575 --> 00:10:51,242
(Purring)
270
00:10:53,337 --> 00:10:56,189
- MAN: Hey, it's little Toilet Pants.
- Hey, Toilet Pants!
271
00:10:56,203 --> 00:10:58,747
♪ Toilet Pants! ♪
272
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,773
- Please stop shouting.
- You are so awesome.
273
00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:03,771
I want to show you something.
274
00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:05,393
Oh!
275
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,334
Oh. Oh. Oh.
276
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:10,413
You're one of us now.
277
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:13,056
You never have to drink
out of a paper cup again.
278
00:11:13,198 --> 00:11:14,984
Fun mugs.
279
00:11:16,598 --> 00:11:19,451
This one makes me
look like I have a...
280
00:11:19,594 --> 00:11:20,588
- mustache.
- Mustache.
281
00:11:20,612 --> 00:11:22,071
BOTH:
Mustache.
282
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,901
(Sighs)
283
00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:28,338
- What's up, Winston?
- Oh, hey, Nick.
284
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,053
You know, I couldn't figure out
the best way to kill Furguson,
285
00:11:31,062 --> 00:11:34,732
so I decided to just let him
choose how he wants to die.
286
00:11:34,866 --> 00:11:37,879
If only I could get him to
leave that damn sunbeam.
287
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,095
- You're gonna murder a cat?
- Yeah.
288
00:11:41,113 --> 00:11:42,777
- This is a joke, right?
- No.
289
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:45,866
- This is one of your pranks?
- An eye for an eye, Nick.
290
00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:49,185
- A cat for a cat.
- But what's the other cat?
291
00:11:49,749 --> 00:11:50,874
My heart.
292
00:11:50,907 --> 00:11:53,418
JESS: Where's that big flashlight
you can hit people with?
293
00:11:53,441 --> 00:11:56,184
Also, do we have any meat pieces
that might distract a dog?
294
00:11:56,212 --> 00:11:57,900
NICK: Winston, don't
do anything stupid.
295
00:11:57,943 --> 00:12:00,656
- Jess, what are you doing?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool. It's nothing.
296
00:12:00,693 --> 00:12:02,583
We're just breaking
into Foster's backyard,
297
00:12:02,601 --> 00:12:04,674
and we are gonna put
our butts in his Jacuzzi.
298
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:06,773
- You're gonna put your butts in
his Jacuzzi? - Isn't it awesome?
299
00:12:06,791 --> 00:12:08,385
Uh, no, it's not awesome. It's a crime.
300
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:10,429
- It's a very stupid crime,
but it's a crime. - Hey,
301
00:12:10,441 --> 00:12:13,434
do you have any makeup or costumes that
might make someone look like a bush?
302
00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:15,194
You are about to commit a felony.
303
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:18,261
Oh, my God, Nick!
You said roll with it!
304
00:12:18,286 --> 00:12:19,743
You're not the kind of person
who could break
305
00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:21,821
into the principal's house
and get away with it.
306
00:12:21,835 --> 00:12:23,407
You're the kind of person
who gets caught,
307
00:12:23,432 --> 00:12:25,429
and it ends up on the
Internet in a funny way.
308
00:12:25,435 --> 00:12:26,316
(Gasps)
309
00:12:26,359 --> 00:12:28,814
My God! That is the cutest cat!
310
00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:32,128
- Uh, don't get attached.
- Okay, both of you, knock it off!
311
00:12:32,396 --> 00:12:34,895
- Winston!
- Look, Nick, you're right.
312
00:12:34,913 --> 00:12:37,132
I'm a nerd. I've never fit in.
313
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:40,666
If I met you in high school, you
never would have even noticed me.
314
00:12:40,695 --> 00:12:42,689
That's just because I
didn't go to class.
315
00:12:42,852 --> 00:12:45,277
- I wouldn't have seen you.
- I know it's stupid, but I'm doing it.
316
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,561
- I'm not letting you go.
- Oh, you're not letting me?
317
00:12:47,631 --> 00:12:48,499
No.
318
00:12:48,514 --> 00:12:50,871
If for some reason
I don't come back tonight,
319
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:54,429
I'll be at the Appleton Suites
under the name Suzuki Sinclair.
320
00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:56,519
- Ask for Charles.
- Don't... Hey, hey.
321
00:12:56,537 --> 00:12:59,143
- We're not done with this conversation,
young lady! - Well, we are done!
322
00:12:59,161 --> 00:13:00,399
Oh, yeah, then where are you going?!
323
00:13:00,432 --> 00:13:01,905
- I'm getting a flashlight!
- Oh, a hammer, huh?
324
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:03,469
- Hey, Winston, Winston.
- Good way to go. Thr...
325
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,392
- Don't hurt that cat.
- Uh-huh.
326
00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:08,114
- Hey, Furguson? Furguson?
- You scared him. Don't do this.
327
00:13:08,139 --> 00:13:09,389
- Furguson?
- Winston!
328
00:13:09,787 --> 00:13:12,176
Winston, Winston,
stop what you... Stop!
329
00:13:12,188 --> 00:13:13,770
Don't do that scary walk!
330
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:16,554
Do not do that scary walk
that you do that scares me!
331
00:13:16,572 --> 00:13:17,995
Hey, Jess? Jess?
332
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,338
Je...? Winston,
don't kill that...!
333
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,655
Jess! I don't know what to do!
334
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:29,474
- Oh, good Lord.
- What's wrong?
335
00:13:29,499 --> 00:13:31,438
Nothing. You know what?
Let me show you the stairwell
336
00:13:31,451 --> 00:13:33,803
where they got the idea
for the escalator.
337
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:38,109
Shorty! My love.
My only love.
338
00:13:38,127 --> 00:13:40,779
I'm sorry. I just... I quit
that job, and I had to see you.
339
00:13:40,825 --> 00:13:42,556
How emotional. Let's go
talk about it in private
340
00:13:42,574 --> 00:13:45,283
in a perfect two-thirds replica
of Don Draper's office.
341
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,530
You stay here.
I'm gonna get you a drink.
342
00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:49,998
No, no, no, please, you-you...
you stay here.
343
00:13:51,442 --> 00:13:53,567
- So... They're both here.
- Oh, God, what?
344
00:13:53,585 --> 00:13:55,254
The gas has been spilled.
345
00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:56,511
All we need is a match.
346
00:13:56,523 --> 00:13:58,797
- What, are you narrating a book?
- (Imitates explosion)
347
00:14:04,138 --> 00:14:05,706
(Meows)
348
00:14:06,109 --> 00:14:07,756
Here it comes.
349
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:10,611
The long nap.
350
00:14:11,012 --> 00:14:12,528
(Meows)
351
00:14:14,699 --> 00:14:18,278
Oh, wow. Tell you what, man, we both
need to just cool off and have a drink.
352
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,403
You smoke?
I'm just kidding.
353
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,260
But, man, that'd be
cute if you did.
354
00:14:23,788 --> 00:14:25,622
What is wrong with me?
355
00:14:25,857 --> 00:14:27,357
It...
356
00:14:28,019 --> 00:14:29,948
(Sighs):
Oh, Furguson.
357
00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:34,191
So, listen, I've been
dreaming about this fantasy,
358
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:36,597
and I think this party might be
the perfect place to try it out.
359
00:14:36,615 --> 00:14:38,478
Okay, but I can't get wet.
360
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:42,263
No water. So, listen, you and I
are gonna be sexy strangers.
361
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:45,441
Yeah? Now, your stranger is
the early-to-bed type,
362
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:47,568
and your job has you
on Hong Kong time.
363
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,501
But the most important thing is,
364
00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:51,780
you're the first person
to leave the party.
365
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,580
Whew. I like.
366
00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,089
- Wait, is that Cece?
- Is that who?
367
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:58,658
Huh? No.
(Scoffs)
368
00:14:58,682 --> 00:15:01,599
- Cece. No.
- No, Schmidt, that's definitely Cece.
369
00:15:05,685 --> 00:15:08,513
Sorry, in between modeling
jobs, she does catering.
370
00:15:08,984 --> 00:15:11,509
You mind if I go over there and
say hello? I think it's only right.
371
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,872
Eh.
372
00:15:15,663 --> 00:15:18,682
- Hey. - Hey, I know you told me to stay
in the office, but Beth insisted that I...
373
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,137
Stay away from that woman. She is patient
zero in this office for spreading HPV.
374
00:15:22,201 --> 00:15:23,257
Here. Put on this apron.
375
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,567
No, why-why would I do that?
That's crazy.
376
00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:27,772
My boss was asking, so I
told her you were a caterer.
377
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,007
So... just... It's a good idea.
378
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,053
- Okay.
- Just... Yes.
379
00:15:32,268 --> 00:15:34,224
You really want me
here, don't you?
380
00:15:34,383 --> 00:15:35,910
So badly.
381
00:15:37,809 --> 00:15:39,844
Can we just come back
when we have a plan?
382
00:15:39,863 --> 00:15:42,410
- Are you afraid?
- No, I'm not afraid.
383
00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:45,151
- Rose, give me a boost.
- Here's Rose. I got you.
384
00:15:45,175 --> 00:15:47,207
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
385
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,626
- (Grunts)
- You got to help me a little.
386
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,495
That's a hell of a grip, Rose.
(Gasps)
387
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:52,403
I see the Jacuzzi!
(Screams)
388
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:54,170
(Bushes rustling)
Didn't stick the landing!
389
00:15:54,234 --> 00:15:55,742
You're doing great.
390
00:15:55,777 --> 00:15:58,286
I'm gonna do a loop
to not attract suspicion.
391
00:15:58,346 --> 00:16:00,102
- All right.
- All right.
392
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:03,614
Schmidt. I'm right here.
393
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:04,944
Oh.
394
00:16:05,099 --> 00:16:07,100
- Do I know you?
- Right.
395
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:08,830
(Whispers):
The fantasy.
396
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,040
(Yawns):
Boy, I got to go.
397
00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:11,902
(Chuckles)
398
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:14,389
I have a 5:00 a.m.
conference call with...
399
00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:16,728
the Asians.
400
00:16:16,969 --> 00:16:19,382
Are you leaving soon, stranger?
401
00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:20,760
You mean "Corporal"?
402
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,024
And, no, I'm gonna stick around
and throw down one more beer.
403
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,388
Sweet.
404
00:16:26,272 --> 00:16:28,820
Oh, hey. Don't tell
me you're leaving.
405
00:16:28,837 --> 00:16:30,283
Whew, great news.
406
00:16:30,302 --> 00:16:32,608
My boss is in her office
completely passed out.
407
00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:35,117
- We finally have the night to ourselves.
- Thank God.
408
00:16:35,135 --> 00:16:37,120
It's getting a little weird here,
right?
409
00:16:37,151 --> 00:16:39,394
Dressed up like this.
(Chuckles)
410
00:16:39,429 --> 00:16:40,771
(Sighs)
411
00:16:41,437 --> 00:16:43,275
That Elizabeth?
412
00:16:50,524 --> 00:16:53,970
Okay, look, Cece, I-I got
to tell you something.
413
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,647
Does Elizabeth... work here?
414
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,617
Yes.
415
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:01,672
- Hey.
- We were just talking about you.
416
00:17:01,702 --> 00:17:03,655
The food was good.
417
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:04,863
Yeah.
418
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:08,168
- I was thinking of taking some home.
- You deserve it.
419
00:17:08,189 --> 00:17:10,123
Okay, well, I'm heading off.
420
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:12,999
(British accent): The Asian
markets wait for no one.
421
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,444
Wow.
422
00:17:17,602 --> 00:17:20,237
She was ice cold to you.
423
00:17:21,115 --> 00:17:23,100
I'm gonna go get a drink.
(Chuckles)
424
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,903
What a night.
425
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,801
- JESS: I got this!
- Open the damn gate!
426
00:17:34,839 --> 00:17:37,714
- Jess, hey! Don't move! I'm coming over!
Rose, move! - Everything's under control!
427
00:17:37,741 --> 00:17:39,379
Jess, hey. I'm coming.
428
00:17:39,442 --> 00:17:41,298
- I got you.
- Whoa, hey, Rose!
429
00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:43,803
Ease up on the throttle.
Those are my precious goods.
430
00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:46,121
- (Quietly): Did you follow me here?
- Here I come!
431
00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:48,808
- Nick.
- Hey.
432
00:17:48,874 --> 00:17:51,906
(Quietly): Hey, Jess. Jess, hey.
You okay?
433
00:17:51,981 --> 00:17:55,470
- Yeah. - I'm sorry I tried to
stick my nose in this. I just...
434
00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:59,021
I just... I came here because
I'm your old man now.
435
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,783
And if you're gonna do something
that's obviously very stupid...
436
00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:05,994
then I'm gonna do it with you.
437
00:18:08,107 --> 00:18:09,374
(Chuckles)
438
00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:13,248
- Oh. Ow.
- Oh, my God. You go there.
439
00:18:14,115 --> 00:18:15,453
- What's going on out here?
- Hey.
440
00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,842
- Who are you?
- No, I-I used to live here.
441
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,588
I was just doing a visit
around the neighborhood.
442
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,569
That's my old bedroom
right there.
443
00:18:21,741 --> 00:18:24,285
- That's a bathroom.
- To you maybe it is.
444
00:18:24,347 --> 00:18:26,531
But to me and my four brothers,
445
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,144
- that's a home.
- Nick.
446
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:29,824
Nick, I can't let you do this.
447
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,560
Mostly 'cause you're so bad at it.
448
00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:33,254
- Is that you, Ms. Day?
- Yes.
449
00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:37,140
It is. I'm so sorry. I
trespassed on your property.
450
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:40,205
And I would not be surprised
451
00:18:40,255 --> 00:18:42,255
if you fired me.
452
00:18:42,484 --> 00:18:45,886
I think I know what's
really going on here.
453
00:18:46,444 --> 00:18:50,839
You heard about
my new... Jacooz.
454
00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:53,850
And you wanted a taste.
455
00:18:53,872 --> 00:18:55,860
♪ And say a little
prayer for right ♪
456
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,473
♪ You know that if we
are to stay alive ♪
457
00:18:58,498 --> 00:19:01,492
Come on in, kids.
The water's hot!
458
00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:04,147
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
459
00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,132
(Foster sighs)
460
00:19:05,172 --> 00:19:06,261
♪ Doo-doo-doo... ♪
461
00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:08,300
Hey, babe.
Thanks for watching him.
462
00:19:08,331 --> 00:19:10,332
He can be a real pain
in the ass, huh?
463
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:11,372
Yeah...
464
00:19:11,391 --> 00:19:13,603
Was there a dude in
your shower yesterday?
465
00:19:14,803 --> 00:19:15,641
Yes.
466
00:19:15,677 --> 00:19:17,666
Hmm.
How do you know him?
467
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:21,090
From sex. But it was from sex
before you and I were exclusive.
468
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:23,923
Have you had sex with him since?
469
00:19:23,935 --> 00:19:24,929
No.
470
00:19:24,982 --> 00:19:26,471
Oh, wait. Yes.
471
00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:27,871
Last night.
472
00:19:28,078 --> 00:19:29,716
Look, um...
473
00:19:29,829 --> 00:19:31,404
I really liked you, Daisy.
474
00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:34,220
You know, I wanted this
to be a thing, but, uh...
475
00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,330
I deserve better.
476
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,925
And so does Furguson.
477
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,202
Hmm?
478
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,139
I'm keeping the cat.
479
00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:46,421
I got your cat!
480
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,205
(Slow clapping)
481
00:19:52,386 --> 00:19:54,834
Well, Schmidt, you win.
482
00:19:54,858 --> 00:19:57,250
They both really love you.
483
00:19:57,917 --> 00:19:59,054
So...
484
00:19:59,092 --> 00:20:01,092
enjoy your office.
485
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,996
- Hey! Toilet Pants!
- Oh!
486
00:20:06,055 --> 00:20:07,047
(All cheering)
487
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:07,966
Toilet Pants!
488
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:10,225
Thanks for taking the bullet
for us the other night.
489
00:20:10,255 --> 00:20:12,911
How long were you stuck
in that Jacuzzi for?
490
00:20:12,923 --> 00:20:15,680
I don't really want to
talk about it, but, um,
491
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:20,879
at one point, he did grab my foot
with his toes like it was a hand.
492
00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:22,123
What are you doing tonight?
493
00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:24,690
'Cause we got a liquid
form of Ecstasy,
494
00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:27,024
and we're gonna grade
papers together. What?
495
00:20:27,048 --> 00:20:30,903
JESS: I would love to, but I
actually think I'm gonna hang out...
496
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,861
with my old man.
(Chuckles)
497
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,777
That's... weird.
498
00:20:35,422 --> 00:20:36,278
Cool.
499
00:20:36,291 --> 00:20:38,164
- See you.
- Weirdo.
500
00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:39,838
(Chuckles)
501
00:20:48,387 --> 00:20:49,306
Hi.
502
00:20:49,324 --> 00:20:51,610
So I hear you're interested
in joining the Sack Pack.
503
00:20:51,662 --> 00:20:52,925
I might be.
504
00:20:53,015 --> 00:20:57,654
Then perhaps this will wet your whistle
of what's fun about being a member.
505
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:01,015
- Just leave it.
- Yeah.
506
00:21:01,062 --> 00:21:03,371
You are terrible at Hacky Sack.
507
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,748
I think I'm retiring.
508
00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:06,673
(Both laugh)
509
00:21:10,553 --> 00:21:12,404
Yeah, I just want to say...
510
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:14,542
I would've noticed you.
511
00:21:15,564 --> 00:21:17,075
(Chuckles)
512
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,408
(Chuckles)
513
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:26,986
Want to go do it in
the teachers' lounge?
514
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:27,989
- Yes.
- You do?
515
00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:30,369
Oh, I'm gonna do it
with a teacher!
516
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:34,152
Shh.
517
00:21:34,199 --> 00:21:35,465
(Purring)
518
00:21:35,618 --> 00:21:38,353
(Chuckling softly)
519
00:21:38,544 --> 00:21:41,683
Okay, something is
definitely coming out.
520
00:21:42,348 --> 00:21:43,773
(Chuckling)
521
00:21:44,810 --> 00:21:46,514
I think we should go.
522
00:21:49,564 --> 00:21:51,352
(Schmidt giggles)
523
00:21:51,404 --> 00:21:57,404
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther