Sheldon, it's not a great time!
What do you want?
Hello to you, too.
I'm sorry, but this is important.
What is it?
Back to the Future II was
in the Back to the Future III case...
and Back to the Future III was-- get this--
in the Back to the Future II case.
So?
So, did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?
Sheldon, I got to go inside.
It's getting rough out here.
You're dodging the question; I knew it was you.
(deep rumbling growl)
What was that?
What was what?
This isn't a very good connection,
but it sounded like someone just released a kraken.
Okay, I'm hanging up now.
You know there's no such thing as a...
(rumbling growl)
No...!
Penny... Penny...
(voice cracking): Penny...!
What's the matter?
Um... well, I was worried
that you might be missing Leonard.
And that might be causing you to have bad dreams,
like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans
right before you went to bed.
Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
To be honest, I did.
Aw.
Back to the Future II was
in the Back to the Future III case.
Leonard did it.
Good night.
(stammering): No, wait.
Perhaps I should sleep here
so you don't miss Leonard as much,
uh, 'cause you're being kind of a baby about it.
You know what? That would make me feel better.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Good night.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x01 ♪ The Hofstadter Insufficiency Original Air Date on September 26, 2013
== sync, corrected by EryCihuii == from elderman, LOL
I think you'd be pleased to hear
that this morning in the parking garage,
I saw this oil stain on the ground
that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy,
and I didn't get upset at all.
I'm proud of you.
Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.
Dear Lord! You're an astronomer.
Although you may have earthly woes,
get your mind back on the stars.
Gee, even the lowly dung beetle
chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Is that true?
Everything I say is true.
Now, of course,
the dung beetle also enjoys
eating feces, living in feces
and making little balls out of feces.
So pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle
you want to embrace.
Come on, you can talk to girls now.
It shouldn't be hard for you to meet someone new.
How can I meet someone new
when everywhere I look, I see Lucy's face?
Tell me you don't see her smile
in the crust of this chicken pot pie.
Oh, will you stop it!
Now, listen to me.
There's a welcome party
for incoming post-docs tonight.
Go to it and meet someone
who isn't made of grease or pie.
You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?
(sighs) Look,
Bernie's at a neuroscience conference with Amy--
I'll go with you.
You would do that for me? Of course.
You're my friend.
I want you to be happy.
Thanks. Oh, Sheldon,
since Amy's out of town, would you like to join us?
I want you to be happy, too,
but not enough to do anything about it.
Howie, stop.
I can't talk like that.
Amy's right here.
Sheldon, stop. For the last time,
I will not bring home bed bugs.
The hotel's nice.
There's a pool, a gym--
the bar looks like fun.
Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.
Aw, I love you, too.
If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep,
I'll meet you in dreamland.
AMY: Good night.
No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.
Penny, did you ever wonder how Starfleet captains...
No.
Well, now that I've piqued your interest,
welcome to the exciting world of 3D chess.
Why don't you just admit
you only want to play this game
because you always play it with Leonard
and you miss him?
You overestimate his significance in my life.
Oh...
Do I miss how he makes a face
on my toaster waffle with syrup?
No.
Do I miss the way
he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck?
(chuckles) I don't think so.
Do I miss how we say "good night"
to each other through the walls of our bedroom
using Morse code?
(knocking in Morse code)
Okay, I get it, I get it.
You are an emotionless robot.
Well, I try.
All right, let's just get this stupid game over with.
Great. I'll go first. Okay.
By the way, how are you with zippers?
Why?
Well, I really need to go to the bathroom,
and this one's gone all cattywampus.
Wow, your work on jellyfish neural nets
sounds so interesting.
It is.
You can download my paper off the university server.
I will. You can download my paper
on the Van Allen Belts from the university server as well.
I will.
All right.
(clicks tongue)
How'd it go?
Well, if you like dry, factual statements
interspersed with painful moments of silence,
it was bananas.
Check it out.
Mrs. Davis from Human Resources is here.
She's probably on the lookout for sexual harassment.
Oh, great.
There go my chances of being sexually harassed.
I heard her husband left her for a hot, young undergrad.
That's so much better than the old, ugly ones.
Mr. Wolowitz,
Dr. Koothrappali.
Mrs. Davis, nice to see you.
You know, I recently read a fascinating article
on infidelity among penguins.
Okay.
So if the fact that your husband left you
makes you feel unattractive, just remember,
penguins get cheated on, and they're adorable.
(clicks tongue)
It was better when you couldn't talk to women.
I was thinking of going to the lecture
on posterior cingulate cortex lesions
in the formation of autobiographical memory.
Oh, brain lesions are fascinating.
Unless they're yours, then they're a drag.
To the advancement of science.
And to the sick and dying who make it possible.
This is fun; we never really get to talk shop
with Penny around.
We usually just end up talking about boys.
Which is fine, but it's nice to mix it up
with a little intellectual conversation.
From the two gentlemen at the bar.
Oh, my gosh, boys bought us drinks!
Boys bought us drinks! (gibbering happily)
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
Be cool. You be cool!
Guys are hitting on us, and not just to get to Penny.
You're right.
Thank you.
Ooh! Bad move.
Really? Why?
My queen can now take your rook from below.
So that means I lose, right?
It's over!
If I make this move...
but I won't because we're having too much fun.
Okay, let's take a break.
We're all out of alcohol.
I wasn't going to get alcohol.
(groans)
(sighs)
Gosh, I wonder what Leonard's doing right now.
I miss him so much.
Well, if you'd like,
we could call him.
I-I mean that you could call him.
As I've explained,
the absence of my friends does not cause me pain.
As rock and roll bad boy, Paul Simon, once said,
"I am a rock.
I am an i-i-i-island."
I'm calling him.
Oh, goodie! Put him on speakerphone!
(dance music playing)
(phone vibrating)
Excuse me, ladies,
but my pants are buzzing.
(vibrating continues)
North Sea, how can I "kelp" you?
Leonard?
Penny?
Hey, it's Penny.
Everybody say hi to Penny.
ALL: Hi, Penny!
Wow, it sounds like you're having a good time.
Best time of my life!
Isn't it 5:30 in the morning there?
Is it?
Hey, everybody, it's 5:30 in the morning!
(whooping)
Uh...
okay, well, we were just calling you
because we were missing you.
Iceberg!
Uh-oh, hang on.
Are you in danger?
No, it's a drinking game.
Whenever we see an iceberg, we take a shot!
ALL: Berg! Berg!
Berg! Berg! Berg! Berg-- (phone cuts off)
Leonard, Leonard?
(scoffs)
I cannot believe we were missing that jerk.
You were.
So what happened? How'd it go?
It's fine. I thanked them again and let them know
we're not available.
So I can drink this without having
to give up the goodies?
Yes, it's all cool.
Although, if you wanted to talk to one of them,
no one would blame you.
And why would no one blame me?
I don't know what I'm saying.
Well, it sounds like you're saying
that I could do better than Sheldon.
Boy, these drinks are strong!
Hoo, mama, I'm gonna be hugging the toilet tonight !
No, tell me, I want to know
what you meant by that.
I just meant that you're not married
and your boyfriend's kind of...
Sheldon.
And your husband is extremely Howard.
What's your point?
Sorry. I have no point.
That was a stupid thing to say.
Can we please just go back to having a nice time?
We could, but unfortunately my brain is lesion-free
and I remember that rotten thing
you just said about my sweet baboo.
Come on. I apologize.
Can we please just let it go?
Sure. Thanks.
Your husband's weird and his clothes are ridiculous.
I can't believe it!
All this time I've been doing nothing
but sit around and miss that guy.
And you know what the worst part is?
That you're having to process
your emotional pain without vodka?
No.
Yes.
But you know what the second-worst part is?
He does not miss me at all.
Allow me to comfort you.
At least you've got your health.
Really? Tha-That's it? That's comforting?
Um, uh, in a hundred years,
you'll both be dead and it won't matter?
No! Come on!
You're supposed to say, "Of course he misses you.
The only reason he's partying is to cover up his pain."
Oh, no, I don't think that's true at all.
This is ridiculous.
Why am I upset just because he's off having a good time?
Well... perhaps you're obsessively picturing him
engaged in drunken coitus with another woman.
Is that it? Did I get it right?
Okay, tha-that's great.
You can stop trying to make me feel better now.
Actually, I can't. Before Leonard left,
he made me promise that I'd take care of you.
He did? Yes.
Oh, that's really sweet.
Plus, if I do a good job,
he said he'd bring me back a sailor's cap.
Now I miss him even more.
Well, if it's any consolation, I'm sure Leonard's tormented
every moment he's away from your warm embrace and cherry lips.
Thanks.
Oh, seriously?
Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Davis?
What?
I'd like to apologize for being insensitive.
And for possibly making penguins seem like jerks,
'cause 99% of them are stand-up guys.
Forget about it.
You know, you-you and I, you and I have a lot in common.
Is that right?
Oh, yes, I-I, too,
am in the throes of heartbreak.
Okay, fine, I'll tell you about it.
Here is a hot beverage to comfort you.
It's in a to-go cup.
Make of that what you will.
Come on. It's still early.
Let's do something.
Well, I have been toying around with an idea for 4-D chess.
How about we just talk?
All right.
In 4-D chess... No.
Come on, let's talk about our lives.
Tell me something about you I don't know.
Hmm.
I own nine pairs of pants.
Okay, that-that's a good start,
but I was thinking maybe something
a little more personal.
I see. Hmm.
I own nine pairs of underpants.
How about I go first?
But I don't want to know how many underpants you own.
Although, based on the floor of your bedroom,
I'd say it's a thousand.
Okay, look, here's something people do not know about me.
When I first moved out to L.A.,
I did a topless scene in a low-budget horror movie
about a killer gorilla.
Ugh! After I did it, I felt so ashamed.
Thankfully, that thing never came out.
I've seen that.
Yeah. Serial Apeist.
(gasps)
Howard found it online the day we met you.
Oh, God...
And it was literally
the moment you walked out the door.
(sighs)
But I see the type of personal revelations you're going for.
Okay, here's one I thought I'd take to the grave.
Okay.
Hmm.
A while back,
YouTube changed its user interface
from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system.
I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.
That's your big revelation?
Yes.
Whew! I feel ten pounds lighter.
Okay, you know what?
I give up.
I'm going to bed.
Here's something else you don't know about me:
you just hurt my feelings.
What did I do?
I opened up and shared something
deeply upsetting to me,
and you treated it as if it were nothing.
I-I didn't think it was a big deal.
It is to me; that's the point.
Sheldon, you are right.
I'm really sorry. I should've known better.
Your apology is accepted.
Thank you.
How about a hug?
How about a hearty handshake?
Come on.
Now I know how you felt getting mauled
by that sex-crazed gorilla.
Good night.
(curt): Mm-hmm.
It was rather flattering to have strangers send us drinks.
Yeah, that felt nice.
Maybe tomorrow morning we put on some hot pants
and see if we can score us some free omelets.
So, hypothetically, if-if we were to have gone with them,
which one would you have picked?
I think I would
have gone with the short one with the goofy haircut.
Oh, good, 'cause I liked the tall thin one.
He seemed intelligent, kind of a loner,
maybe a little sexually inexperienced,
like I'd have to teach him a thing or two.
(growls)
Not my guy.
I caught him staring at my rack.
It'd be nice to be with a man
who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan.
FYI, it's another cardigan.
Your short sexed-up guy kind of sounds like Howard.
Your brainy virgin kind of sounds like Sheldon.
Good night. Night.
All right, Dr. Koothrappali, it's been nice talking to you,
but I need to go home
and relieve my babysitter.
Yeah, I can relate to being a single parent.
I have a dog.
Yeah, it's exactly the same thing.
Good night.
Mrs. Davis...
I, uh, I must confess,
I came here tonight
in a futile attempt to pick up some lonely postdoc,
but instead I got to connect with you at a human level.
That's a much better evening.
You're a lovely person.
Are you hitting on me?
No, no, no, that would be crazy!
I mean, if I were hitting on you, you'd know it
'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.
You're sweet.
Good night, Dr. Koothrappali.
Good night.
Looks like she accepted your apology.
And then some.
I think we had a moment.
Oh, please, you did not have a moment.
Who died and made you king of moments?
Okay, fine. Let's say there was a moment.
There was. There wasn't.
But... But even if there was, what are you gonna do about it?
I will slowly seduce her until she falls helpless into my bed,
hungry for the pleasure only I can give her.
So nothing. No, not a thing.
Ah...
I'm so glad the police finally caught
that psychotic genetically engineered ape.
That is my girlfriend! I swear to God!
(all cheer)
ALL: Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard!
(gasps, screams)
== sync, corrected by erycihuii == from elderman, LOL
And here's another interesting weather fact.
Another? Great!
Changes in jet streams can affect the speed
at which the Earth rotates on its axis,
so bad weather can actually make the day longer.
Well, there must be a hell of a storm somewhere.
Joke if you must,
but you're going to miss these moments.
With Leonard home in a few days,
this was your last time driving me to the grocery store.
You know, I will miss this.
I'll tell you what, if my apples are mealy,
we'll hit the produce section for one last crazy blowout.
Heck, you can even push the cart.
Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard's return
as criticism of the job you've been doing in his absence.
I won't.
That criticism will come later in your report card.
Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention,
I'm not gonna read the report card.
Hello.
Leonard!
Shh, shh. Hi!
Keep your voice down. Oh, my God.
You weren't supposed to be here till Sunday!
We finished the experiment early,
so I thought I'd come home and surprise you.
Oh, my gosh, why are we whispering?
I didn't tell Sheldon,
so we could have a few days alone.
Oh, that is so romantic.
Uh, sure, that's why I did it.
Oh... I just cannot believe you're here.
Penny, it's your lucky day!
Three of the eggs are clearly not jumbo.
Grab your keys.
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x02 ♪ The Deception Verification Original Air Date on September 26, 2013
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man
Uh, Stuart, I was wondering
if you could help me find something.
Happy to, unless it's hope or a reason to live.
Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.
Anyhoo...
Leonard will be back in a couple days
and I need a welcome-home gift for him.
As he's been at sea, perhaps something
with a nautical theme might be appropriate.
Okay, well, I don't know how much you want to spend,
but I do have this pretty cool Aquaman statue.
Aquaman?
Oh, this isn't a gag gift, Stuart.
Yeah, just as well.
It's a pretty rare piece.
I'd rather just sell it to a real collector.
I'm a real collector.
How rare is it?
Oh, I shouldn't even have mentioned it.
How about a Batman squirt gun?
Don't try and trick me
into buying something I don't want.
Now let's talk Aquaman.
What were they thinking, putting Doctor Octopus's mind
in Spider-Man's body?
Well, I've been quite enjoying that.
It combines all the superhero fun of Spider-Man
with all the body-switching shenanigans of Freaky Friday.
Both versions: original and Lohan.
"Both versions: original and Lohan."
You're an idiot.
Hey, what's your problem?
I'm sorry, I've been kind of snippy lately.
It's probably this stupid diet I'm on.
Why are you on a diet?
I've put on a couple pounds.
Had to buy these pants in the men's section.
Well, we've all seen your mom.
That Butterball turkey
was bound to come home to roost.
$1,200! That's my final offer!
All right, Sheldon, you win.
I'm sure Leonard is gonna love this.
Oh, right, a present for Leonard.
You better throw in that squirt gun.
Yeah, I don't know.
This squirt gun, it's, uh, it's pretty rare.
Ooh.
And this is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat.
Ah.
And... oh.
That's me getting rescued after I fell in.
Oh.
Oh, that's the pizza.
Yep.
Here's some money. Thank you.
And I'm gonna hit the head.
That's what us salty sea dogs say
when we have to go pee-pee.
Hey. $22.50.
Okay, here's, uh, $25. Keep the change.
Seriously?
I just walked up, like, four flights of stairs.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, here's, um...
30-something cents
and a promise I won't call your boss
and tell him you reek of marijuana.
Oh, Penny, I see you've ordered pizza.
I have Chinese food.
That's nice.
Oh, that's a rather earthy cologne.
My uncle used to wear that.
Perhaps we can enjoy one last meal together
before Leonard returns. Yeah, thanks,
but I kind of feel like eating alone tonight, so...
Are you sure?
With your Italian pizza and my Chinese noodles,
we could play Marco Polo.
I mean, of course, a reenactment of a meal
in the life of Marco Polo the Venetian explorer,
not Marco Polo the terrifying water sport.
Uh, yeah, it sounds fun, but no thanks.
Have a good night!
What, now... do you have company?
No. No, no, no.
You know what? Th-The toilet's been doing that.
I called the building manager, so...
Oh, I can take a look at it. Well...
I'm quite familiar with plumbing.
Not to brag,
but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.
Yeah, no, no, no.
You know what, Sheldon, it's okay.
You don't have to go into the bathroom.
That's curious.
If there's no one here,
why are there two glasses of wine on the table?
Oh.
Well, you know, I-I've got two hands
and a bit of a drinking problem.
Of course.
Ask a silly question.
Oh.
That's odd.
Um, what?
There are takeout containers
in the trash can.
So? That's my dinner from last night.
What's odd is they're in the trash can.
Okay.
Look, honey, I promise there's no one's here.
I've had a long day.
I just want to have a quiet dinner by myself.
Oh, very well.
I'm no stranger to enjoying the pleasures of solitude.
Oh! What?
Have you gotten Leonard a welcome-home gift yet?
No. Oh, great.
Do you want to go halfsies
on a $200 squirt gun?
Hi, honey.
Hey.
I made some brownies. You want one?
You're kidding, right?
I mean, you know
I'm trying to lose weight.
God, I thought we were partners in this marriage.
We are. Stop it.
And for the last time, you're not fat.
Really? Tell that to the bathroom scale,
'cause one of you is lying.
Fine, forget I asked.
How was dinner at your mom's?
Awful.
I had to rub her ointment all over her again.
Why can't she do it?
'Cause we've got a deeply unhealthy relationship.
Which reminds me,
do you think you can get any samples of this from work?
This was supposed to last her a month,
but they didn't take into account
the square footage of her back.
Let me see.
How long have you been putting this on her?
I don't know.
Few weeks. Why?
This is really strong estrogen cream.
Please tell me you've been wearing gloves.
Like these swollen sausages could fit in gloves.
Howie, the estrogen's getting absorbed by your skin.
That's why you've been
all bloated and moody and a giant pain in the ass.
You're full of estrogen and you don't act like that.
That's 'cause I'm a woman.
I've had years of practice riding the dragon.
Fine.
I'll wear gloves next time.
It's still gonna take a few weeks
for the hormones to leave your system.
I feel so stupid.
And fat.
It's okay.
You still look great to me.
In fact, why don't we go in the bedroom
and I'll prove it to you?
Sex? Really?
I mean, that's just your solution to everything!
Oh, and here's a fun thing.
I worked it out so that there are
two different words for spoon:
"planko" and "janko."
"Planko" is a spoon with food,
"janko" is a spoon without food.
"Janko" is spelled with a silent "ptang."
Sheldon, you're not even listening
to the rules of my made-up language.
Yes, I am.
Then what does "tweepadock" mean?
Uh...
elephant?
Lucky guess.
I'm sorry.
I'm just distracted by something
that happened over at Penny's.
What happened?
I fear Penny is being unfaithful to Leonard.
What?
She claimed to be alone
when there was obviously someone else in her apartment.
I have no choice but to assume the worst,
given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage
and her famously ravenous nether regions.
I don't think Penny would cheat on Leonard.
Oh, really?
She and I once had a staring contest.
She clapped really loud and made me blink.
It's a small leap from there to sexual infidelity.
You're being ridiculous.
Amy, there were Chinese food containers...
in the trash can.
Poor Leonard.
Do you hear anything?
I hear a woman's voice.
Is it Penny?
No, it's you.
All right, I hear whispering and giggling.
Now I think I hear kissing.
Yeah, like you know what kissing sounds like.
There's kissing in Star Trek, smarty-pants.
Let me listen.
Sounds like Leonard.
Please.
Why would Leonard come home early
and waste his time kissing Penny
when he could be hanging out with his best buddy?
Yeah, that's it.
I'm catching her in the act.
No, Sheldon, don't.
Aha!
What the hell?!
Leonard?
Sheldon, you cannot just barge in here like that!
Right.
Penny!
Are you going to
answer the door or should I open it and say "aha" again?
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
I should've told you I was back.
I just wanted to have a couple days alone with Penny.
Oh, no, I should apologize.
Uh, I never realized to what extent
our friendship was a burden to you.
That is not fair.
I complain about what a burden it is at least once a month.
Oh, no, no, let's not sugarcoat this.
You find me finicky, pedantic and annoying.
No, he doesn't.
I actually have used those exact words before.
In that order.
Well, Leonard, I think it's high time
you and I address the "tweepadock" in the room.
The what?
Amy? Please leave me out of this.
Uh... fine.
Leonard,
there's no need for you
to pretend to like me anymore.
Come on, I said I was sorry.
No, no, you save your apologies
for after you've had disappointing coitus with Penny.
It was fine.
Come on, this is silly.
Hey, um, I brought you back
a little present from my trip, huh?
It's that sailor cap that you wanted.
It's neat, huh?
You honestly think you can buy back my friendship
with a cheap souvenir?
I don't.
No, I really don't.
Just try it on.
Oh, yeah.
Hello, sailor. Ooh, now we're talking.
Excuse me.
This changes nothing.
Except the Halloween costume
I'm wearing this year.
Amy, you're going to be Olive Oyl.
Lay off the donuts.
Thanks for coming over.
No problem.
Ooh, you made little sandwiches!
Yeah, that's cucumber and cream cheese.
That's turkey and loganberry.
And don't tell my hips, but I'm warming up a brie in the oven.
Nice. So...
Mmm. What's up?
Okay, well, I've been reading up on all the side effects
you can get from estrogen,
and...
I need you to be honest with me.
Do my boobs look bigger to you?
Well, it's kind of hard to tell.
Come on, Raj, it's a "yes or no" question.
I'm not sure.
Um, wait.
Jump up and down-- let's see if they jiggle.
Uh, no, I...
I still can't tell, uh...
Oh, you know what? Okay, uh, give me some of this.
Seriously?
Do you want my help or not?
Fine.
Okay, yup.
See, see, that-that looks like...
that looks like they could be bigger.
But you know, I bet... I bet when I do it,
mine do the same thing.
Yeah, they kind of do.
Hmm. Uh, let me see something.
Hey, easy!
My nipples are sensitive.
Oh.
Sorry, sorry, uh...
Okay.
I mean...
Yeah, m-maybe.
Okay, let me feel.
No, I am definitely up a cup size.
You know, b-but they're very firm,
so you've got that going for you.
You think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very perky.
Thank you.
I really needed to hear that today.
Ooh, brie's ready!
Yay!
Good morning.
Hello.
So am I driving you to work
or are you still mad at me?
I'd like a ride.
Assuming you actually do
take me to work.
Where do you think I would take you?
Who knows?
Uh, you said you'd be home yesterday,
but you came home three days ago.
You say you're taking me
to work, but for all I know,
I'll end up in a deserted amusement park.
Or a cornfield maze.
Or a back alley dog fight.
You tell me.
I'm going to work.
You can come if you want.
Okay.
By the way, you have something on your shirt.
No, I don't.
Hurts, doesn't it?
You know, I find myself wondering
if anything you've ever told me is true.
I didn't make it back.
The ship sank, I'm in hell.
You say you're from New Jersey, but how can I believe you?
Why would anyone claim to be from New Jersey
if they weren't?
All right, I'll give you that one.
Hey, I said I was sorry.
What else do you want from me?
I want you to admit that what you did was wrong.
Fine.
What I did was wrong.
I wish I could believe you.
You know what?
I'm not driving you to work,
because you're incredibly annoying.
You say one thing and do the other,
so then you are driving me and you find me a delight.
Stop it. Keep it up?
Bye!
Hello!
So I guess you're really holding up the other four fingers?
Oh, hey, what are you doing here so early?
Driving Sheldon to work.
He's still mad at Leonard, huh?
Well, he's mad at you, too.
He says you're the succubus who led his friend astray.
I don't know what "succubus" is, but...
it has "suck" in it, so that can't be good.
Thought I heard you out here.
Hey, Sheldon.
You don't get a "hey."
You get a "hmm."
Come on, don't be like that.
We had so much fun together the last couple of months.
You're right.
Which makes your betrayal all the more devastating.
Sheldon...
I let you buy feminine hygiene products
with my supermarket club card.
You have any idea the kind of coupons
I'm going to get in the mail now?
Sheldon, your fight's with Leonard.
Penny's got nothing to do...
Careful, Amy.
The friend of my enemy's girlfriend is my enemy.
Really?
Yes.
You're either with me or against me.
You want to take the bus to work?
Maybe there's a third option.
FYI, I had a doughnut for breakfast, you jerk.
So now we're just waiting for the data
from the ship to be crunched,
but the numbers look pretty promising.
That's so great.
If you guys prove the existence of Unruh radiation...
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
My eyes are up here.
Howard, Raj.
Judas.
You know what?
You're a crazy person.
A crazy person with a long memory,
and if all goes according to plan, a robot army.
Stop it.
Or a mutant army.
It depends on how my Kickstarter goes.
I said, stop it!
Now, listen to me.
You two aren't just friends.
You're best friends.
And that's a beautiful thing.
I mean, Leonard, you know why he's so mad at you?
It's 'cause he missed you!
Yeah, and as his friend,
you should be happy
he has love in his life.
As I do.
This man held my breast the other day,
and I love him for it.
A little loud, dude.
So, can we please put aside these petty differences
and just be glad we're here together?
Okay. I suppose so.
Thank you.
Uh, it wasn't anything weird.
It was just to see how big they were.
And then Leonard took me to the barber and the dentist,
and then to cap off the perfect day,
the Los Angeles Bureau of Weights and Measures.
I thought the measures were going to be the stars
of the show; turns out it was the weights.
I'm so glad you guys are friends again.
And I'm glad you and I are friends again, too.
Aw. Which reminds me.
This came in the mail, and I want you to have it.
"50 cents off Vagisil."
Think of me when you apply it.
Uh, can I just say,
I've missed all of us hanging out together.
Yeah. Me, too.
Um, since when can Koothrappali talk
in front of the girls without a beer?
Oh, that happened right after you left.
And no one told me?
Can't believe we forgot to tell him.
Think of Sheldon when you apply it.
== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man