1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:04,366
Wait, I forgot.
Who the hell is pregnant?
2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,371
What? I found a pregnancy
test at your cabin.
3
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,134
And I checked with all the
girls that were there.
4
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:10,072
It wasn't any of them.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
5
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,802
Hello, darling.
What a surprise.
6
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:16,438
Hey. Can we talk?
Maybe in private?
7
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,750
(GASPS)
8
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:22,912
You and me?
9
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:25,287
I believe she's
referring to me, son.
10
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,019
Please excuse us.
(DIANE CLEARS THROAT)
11
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:31,286
So, I, uh, am pregnant.
12
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:33,892
(CHUCKLES)
13
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,792
I see.
I don't understand how.
14
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,359
We were so careful.
15
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,836
I warned you about this.
16
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,167
Standard birth control methods
17
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,401
aren't usually effective
against a Swanson.
18
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,837
I've got about
a million thoughts
19
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,400
running around in my head,
20
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:48,845
but I really just want to
know what you're thinking.
21
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,948
Okay, here's what I'm thinking.
22
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:54,711
I was going to wait
until our anniversary,
23
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,814
and take you somewhere
romantic, perhaps in a canoe.
24
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,688
Most likely in a canoe.
25
00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:02,159
I actually built a canoe
for that purpose.
26
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:04,090
But given the news,
27
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:08,897
and given my significant
feelings for you,
28
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,400
now seems as good a time as any.
29
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,733
Ron Swanson.
30
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,275
Diane Lewis.
31
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,774
Will you marry me?
32
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:24,515
Yes.
On one condition.
33
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,052
Anything, my love. Ask me
for anything in the world,
34
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,485
and I'll give it to you.
35
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,452
Except a destination wedding.
36
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,150
Just the opposite.
37
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:33,590
We've both been married before.
38
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,651
I don't want anything
big or elaborate.
39
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,730
In fact, the smaller,
the better.
40
00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:39,059
I assume you can deal with that.
41
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,562
(LAUGHS)
Are you kidding?
42
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:41,622
As far as I'm concerned,
43
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:43,896
we could go up to
the fourth floor right now.
44
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,570
Well, hello there.
45
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,302
Hey, Leslie.
What's with the get-up?
46
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,275
We're coming back from
cleaning up the Pawnee River.
47
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,869
There's nothing I love more than
48
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,574
squeegeeing slime off
a highway underpass.
49
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:56,804
Where are you guys going?
50
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,646
The fourth floor.
Getting married.
51
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,686
Okee dokee.
Well, catch you later.
52
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,583
What? Why?
53
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,486
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
54
00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:06,490
What the...
55
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,757
Are you dead? You look
like you're in rictus.
56
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,896
I just, I'm having so many
thoughts and feelings that
57
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,058
I'm paralyzed right now.
58
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:15,394
Would you ladies like to come?
59
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,560
Can I be the best man?
60
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:17,762
Why not? Let's go.
61
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,931
Ron is getting married, and I
love him, and I care about him,
62
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,167
and this is
the greatest day ever,
63
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,732
and I do not have time
to talk about this.
64
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,799
Wait!
65
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:25,867
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
66
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,203
If you would just
slow down a little,
67
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,270
then I could arrange balloons
68
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,681
or a flower cake or a
bouncy castle or some...
69
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,743
Ah. Ethel Beavers. We would
like a marriage license.
70
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,810
Please and thank you.
71
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,151
What's the date of the wedding?
72
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,123
Today. It's a bit unusual,
but we've both...
73
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,591
Don't care.
74
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,262
Leslie Knope, would you
please be my matron of honor?
75
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:48,458
Diane, you have no idea
what that means to me.
76
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,469
She gets it. Let's go. Wait.
77
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,529
This is like a waking
nightmare of happiness.
78
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,267
Um, I need to get some flowers.
79
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:58,799
Uh, why don't you hold this
colorful bouquet of highlighters?
80
00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:00,937
Rice, I need to find some rice.
I need to throw some rice.
81
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,312
Why is there no rice in this
municipal government building?
82
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:04,576
I found a justice guy.
83
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,175
These are the marrying people.
This is Carl.
84
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,310
Hello, Carl.
85
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,049
My fiancée and I would like to get
married right now, right here.
86
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,920
Haven't I done a quickie
wedding for you before?
87
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,651
It's certainly possible, but
this one's going to stick.
88
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,355
I need your full names
for the license.
89
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,465
Ronald Ulysses Swanson.
90
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,999
Diane Tammy Lewis.
91
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,798
Tammy?
Your middle name is...
92
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,837
Just kidding.
It's Elizabeth.
93
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,394
Let's go, Carl.
94
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,167
Hey, hey. Let's pump
the brakes, Carl, okay?
95
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,572
Belay that order, Carl.
96
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,234
Shortest possible ceremony.
97
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,142
I'm tired of not being
married to this woman.
98
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,338
Do you, Ron Swanson...
99
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,438
Ooh, it's gonna start!
100
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:36,914
...take Diane to be your wife?
Ooh, it's happening.
101
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:37,972
I certainly do.
Oh, my God.
102
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,416
And do you, Diane...
Yes, I do.
103
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,180
She said yes. (SIGHS) Okay.
104
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,447
Wait! By the power
vested in me...
105
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,387
Before you, Carl,
just one second.
106
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,652
I would just like to give
a short speech. If I may.
107
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,488
You have 10 seconds.
(SIGHS)
108
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,392
At first glance,
it may seem as though
109
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,931
Ron Swanson and I
have nothing in common.
110
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,328
But Webster's Dictionary
defines "friend"...
111
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,992
Time.
(GROANS)
112
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,229
Thank you, Leslie.
(SIGHS)
113
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,736
I could tell where you
were going with that,
114
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,170
and it was going
to be beautiful.
115
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,538
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Oh.
116
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:03,871
Hurray!
117
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,401
(APPLAUSE) Yay!
118
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:06,672
Great job, everyone.
(CHUCKLES)
119
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,943
The reception will be held in each
of our individual houses, alone.
120
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,847
Pretend this is rice.
121
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,579
(SIGHS)
122
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,578
That was beautiful.
123
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:26,000
Ripped By mstoll
124
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,972
LESLIE: The people who want
to boot me from office
125
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,103
have been viciously
attacking me for weeks.
126
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:43,376
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Recall Knope!
127
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,541
Legalize weed!
128
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,780
Last week, I was an answer in the
Pawnee Journal's crossword puzzle.
129
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:50,288
The clue? "Who's the worst?"
But you know what?
130
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,618
We're fighting back.
131
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:54,216
I've broken my defense
initiative into 40 phases.
132
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,557
We are currently in Phase 26.
"No Problem Too Small."
133
00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:01,063
Anyone can come to me
anytime with any problem,
134
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,897
no matter how petty or small,
135
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,732
and I will fix it personally.
136
00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,302
And let me tell you,
137
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,840
some of these complaints are
pretty damn petty and small.
138
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,665
Okay, Gretel.
(SIGHS)
139
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,040
How can I help you today?
140
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,578
There are slugs everywhere
141
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,238
on the sidewalk
in front of my house.
142
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,382
I want them gone. But not killed.
I love animals.
143
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,346
But get rid of them.
They're gross.
144
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,751
But make sure they're happy.
145
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,686
But not too happy.
146
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,586
Well, we're on it. Because
no problem too small.
147
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:30,154
So, what, now?
(SIGHS)
148
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,457
Well, I have about
30 more people
149
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:32,520
who want to come into my office,
150
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:33,997
and complain to my face.
151
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,399
Leslie Knope. Ann Perkins.
Oh. (SIGHS)
152
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:37,796
How's the recall fight going?
153
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,498
This person-to-person campaigning
is kind of wearing me down.
154
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:42,541
Well, as a wise woman
once said to me,
155
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:46,009
"Ann, you cunning, pliable,
chestnut-haired sunfish,
156
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,070
"phase 26 is
the key to my plan."
157
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,649
Good memory, sunfish.
Let's press on.
158
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,479
I have to come up with some
solution for this slug problem.
159
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:55,644
Someone has a slug infestation?
160
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,090
Boy, oh boy,
we live interesting lives,
161
00:05:58,157 --> 00:05:59,749
filled with
unexpected challenges.
162
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:03,020
Life is precious and
every day is a miracle.
163
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:05,990
Okay.
164
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,294
What a freak.
165
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,894
Things with me and Chris
are going really well.
166
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:15,031
We spend every day together,
and we're having so much fun.
167
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:16,904
And check this out.
168
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:23,045
Oh, no, there's no ring. We just
had manicures together recently.
169
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,080
Sorry, that was misleading.
170
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,580
Ah. Mr. Haverford.
Back again, I see?
171
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,648
What the hell, man? This
looks exactly like my store.
172
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,422
I know. My client is a very
determined businessman.
173
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,589
When he rips someone off,
he goes all the way.
174
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:42,122
You see, you are Hydrox,
Mr. Haverford.
175
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,793
We are Oreo.
176
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,331
Your mysterious unnamed client
seems like a pretty intense guy.
177
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,602
I am impressed by
how quickly he was able
178
00:06:49,675 --> 00:06:52,269
to move such a large amount
of merchandise. Mmm.
179
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,576
Must be one heck
of a transporter.
180
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,779
My client is not Jason Statham.
181
00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:58,839
If that's what you're thinking.
182
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,216
Some mysterious big shot
investor has opened up a store
183
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,518
directly across the street
from Rent A Swag,
184
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:05,818
to try to put me
out of business.
185
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:09,157
I'm not worried, though. I've poured
my heart and soul into my store.
186
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:10,728
I'm sure this guy is
just looking for a place
187
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,231
to store all his NBA
Championship trophies.
188
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,459
TREVOR:
It's not LeBron James.
189
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:15,626
Damn.
190
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,731
(SIGHS) I hate to say this,
gang, but I don't think
191
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,739
"No Problem Too Small"
is working.
192
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:23,401
I mean, there's been no press coverage,
no change in my poll numbers.
193
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,637
I agree. We need something
massive and attention-getting.
194
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:28,543
Something that will grab
people by their ears,
195
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,172
yell at them through a bullhorn,
196
00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:31,944
and hit them like
a bolt of lightning.
197
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,513
I've got it.
What is it?
198
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,746
Oh, no, I just.
I got a fly.
199
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,356
I have something.
Remember Phase 13?
200
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,892
"Think Outside of the Box"?
201
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,291
Of course.
It was an amazing phase.
202
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:43,988
Easily a top-five phase.
203
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,553
Well, I thought
outside of the box
204
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,225
and I nominated you
for this big award.
205
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,861
It's called the International
Coalition of Women in Government.
206
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,670
And you won.
207
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:57,137
There's, like, five winners, and
you get a big trophy or something.
208
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:58,402
Oh, my God, this is real.
209
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,672
I just assumed you were lying.
210
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,610
Thank you, but yeah, it's real.
211
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,114
Ann Richards won it once.
212
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,116
And Janet Napolitano, I think.
213
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,980
Janet Napoli-freakin-tano?
Oh, my God.
214
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,850
This is amazing and perfect.
215
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,550
This is exactly the kind
of big, splashy thing
216
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,922
that's going to get
the voters' attention.
217
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,051
When is the ceremony?
218
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,561
Next month.
In London.
219
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,995
London?
London?
220
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,965
We're going to London?
221
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,158
We're going to London, you guys!
222
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,838
Ooh-whee!
223
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,671
I can't believe
we're at Hogwarts.
224
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,373
BEN: No, that's
Buckingham Palace.
225
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,475
Hogwarts is fictional.
Do you know that?
226
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:38,777
It's important to me
that you know that.
227
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,543
Okay, guys. We are going
to be sightseeing today.
228
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:42,883
Andy and Ben are gonna go
to their meeting,
229
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,786
and then, we're going to go
back to the hotel for lunch.
230
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:48,156
And I will spend the day getting
to know London's history.
231
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:51,663
History began on July 4th, 1776.
232
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,892
Everything before
that was a mistake.
233
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:58,869
Diane suggested we tag along
to London for a honeymoon.
234
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:03,601
I agreed because my love for her
trumps my hatred for Europe.
235
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:07,108
Then, she hit a phase of morning
sickness that knocked her for a loop,
236
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:08,908
and decided to stay home.
237
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:13,348
But she insisted I go
and take pictures for her.
238
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:14,784
All of this could
have been avoided
239
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,981
if we'd followed my plan
for a honeymoon.
240
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,851
A steak dinner, a glass
of Lagavulin whiskey,
241
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:22,554
then vigorous
lovemaking for two hours,
242
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,755
and we're both
asleep by 8:30.
243
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,297
Hey, Leslie, we're going to head
to the meeting. Are you okay?
244
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:30,802
Yeah. I know it's weird, but I kind
of feel bad about leaving Pawnee.
245
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,405
It's like leaving my kid at
home without a babysitter.
246
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:37,340
Leslie, you're in London. You're
4,000 miles away from home.
247
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,967
Try to enjoy this. Okay?
248
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:42,046
You're right, as usual.
Good luck.
249
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,544
Ooh. Hey, boss man.
250
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:50,445
I want to go home early. Ooh,
hold on, actually, hang on.
251
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,286
Yeah, no. I want to quit and
never come here again. (LAUGHS)
252
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:55,655
Okay, bye.
253
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,218
I can't believe
I used to date you.
254
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,557
Tommy Pickles,
255
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,065
you see there's a better version
of your store across the street?
256
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,030
And those guys are giving out
free pizza with pepperonis.
257
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,934
I know, man.
That's my competition.
258
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,030
They're trying to put me out
of business, and it's working.
259
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,435
Three weeks ago,
this place was hopping.
260
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,168
My clothes were
flying off the rack.
261
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:14,872
I was spreading swag around
town like a killer swag virus.
262
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:18,016
Now, look at this place.
It's dead.
263
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,173
What am I going to do?
264
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:20,616
It's like I always say, okay?
265
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,917
When life gives you lemons, you
sell some of your grandma's jewelry
266
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,082
and you go clubbing.
267
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,886
That's not a good
piece of advice.
268
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,957
So? I'm going to throw up.
I ate too much cheese.
269
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:31,360
I'll talk to you.
(SIGHS)
270
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,292
I need some better friends.
271
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,362
So, the only thing you did
was stop drinking beer?
272
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,733
Yeah, I lost 50 pounds
in one month.
273
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,404
How much beer were you drinking?
274
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,838
(LAUGHS)
I know, right?
275
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,371
Probably too much.
276
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,842
Andy and I are meeting with an
English charity foundation,
277
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:48,436
to expand our
after-school music program,
278
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,345
and British people love me.
279
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,974
There was this British kid in my high
school who always called me Big Ben,
280
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:57,713
and he would punch me really
hard on the arm and go...
281
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,792
Bong. Bong. Bong.
282
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,928
Oh, he might have hated me.
283
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:04,787
Real quick. Should I
do a British accent?
284
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:05,988
Um...
285
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,760
I'm going to say no.
You sure?
286
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:08,925
Yeah.
I can do one.
287
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,901
It's not very good,
but I think I can pull it off.
288
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:14,462
I just feel like he's gonna get upset
when he finds out that we're American.
289
00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:16,268
No, he knows we're American.
290
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,969
Ugh, great.
All right, well.
291
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,907
I guess we'll take
the meeting anyway.
292
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,776
After all, we did come
all the way down under.
293
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:23,837
BEN: No.
294
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,578
Lord Covington.
I'm Ben Wyatt.
295
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,215
This is Andy Dwyer, and it is
an honor to meet you, sir.
296
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:33,824
Well, it's nice
to meet you, too.
297
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:36,521
However, the proper mode
of address would be,
298
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:39,291
"Your Royal Excellency,
Lord Edgar Darby Covington,
299
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,629
"Fourteenth Earl of
Cornwall upon Thames,
300
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,363
"Twenty-ninth Baron
of Hartfordshire."
301
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,661
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
302
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:49,003
Please call me Eddie.
Oh. Thank God.
303
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,840
I knew that other name must
have been a stupid joke.
304
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:54,607
Andy. (LAUGHING) No, no, no.
No, he's absolutely right.
305
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,477
It's an absurd name.
306
00:11:56,582 --> 00:12:00,575
Well, I'm excited to hear about
your musical charity idea.
307
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,587
Shall we?
Yeah.
308
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,890
The Notting Hill
bus tour starts at 2:00,
309
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,483
the Love Actually
bus tour starts at 2:30,
310
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,758
and, oh, the Bridget Jones bus tour
starts at 2:30 also. (CLICKS TONGUE)
311
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,125
What do we do?
Ron, your pick.
312
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:20,171
Look. A clock. We don't
have that in America.
313
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,368
You call that a tower?
314
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,172
Try the Sears Tower, friend.
315
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,403
"London at Night." That is very funny.
(LAUGHING)
316
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,540
MAN: Can I help you, sir?
317
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:31,640
Yes.
318
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,146
I will take this.
319
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,414
Uh, we don't accept
American currency, sir.
320
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,252
Of course you do. That's the most
wonderful piece of paper in the world.
321
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,348
Accept it.
322
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,790
Very sorry, sir.
323
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:41,918
Fine.
324
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,528
Enjoy the fact that
your royal overlords
325
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,498
are a frail old woman
and a tiny baby.
326
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:52,432
(SIGHS) You really think
this will work, Donna?
327
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,563
Why wouldn't it?
328
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,164
We just pull the business
license, it's public information,
329
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,639
and then, at least
you'll have an address.
330
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,439
Oh. Here.
331
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:04,609
Hmm. Some kind of shady fake shell
corporation called Open For Business LLC.
332
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,910
Thanks, Donna.
333
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,283
Hey, if it's Akon and y'all
become best friends,
334
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,012
I want a ride on his plane.
335
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,450
Done and done.
336
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,684
Nice.
337
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,517
Ten-twenty Maple Street.
338
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,627
Ann and Chris?
What are they doing here?
339
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:25,866
Sir, you can't go in there.
340
00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:27,303
Ah-ha!
341
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,398
I caught you.
Hey, it's Tom.
342
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,102
What the hell are you doing?
343
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,202
What am I doing?
What are you doing here?
344
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,281
Dr. Saperstein is
giving me a sonogram,
345
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,441
in his doctor's office
for women,
346
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:39,506
because I'm pregnant.
347
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,887
Oh, my God.
348
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,854
You're Jean-Ralphio's dad.
SAPERSTEIN: Mmm-hmm.
349
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,891
You're the one that's trying
to put me out of business.
350
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,358
Well, look at that, Mr. Haverford.
You tracked me down.
351
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:49,917
Looks like your detective skills
352
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,724
are a lot better than your tween
353
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,890
high-end
fashion rental skills.
354
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,792
Ann? Chris? Can we
have the room, please?
355
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,165
No, you certainly cannot.
356
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:59,602
Dr. Saperstein, why are you doing this?
What did I ever do to you?
357
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,640
You know exactly
why I'm doing this.
358
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,265
You destroyed my family.
359
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,469
First, you screwed my son
out of your business.
360
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,876
And then, you stole
my daughter's virginity.
361
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,778
(ALL LAUGHING)
362
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:21,857
Wait, you're serious?
363
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,221
Deadly serious.
364
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,126
According to my daughter,
you broke her heart.
365
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,994
Then, you smashed up her BMW.
366
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,899
I had to buy her a new one so she
could drive to divinity school.
367
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:31,534
Let me tell
you something, mister.
368
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,673
You attack a Saperstein,
you face my wrath.
369
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,170
Be so sure about this, Tiny Tom,
370
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,576
that I will crush you
like the bug you are.
371
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:44,639
(GASPS) And there it is,
the heartbeat.
372
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,075
Everything sounds perfect.
373
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:50,212
Oh. This is the moment we
were dreaming of. (CHUCKLES)
374
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,450
You and me and our baby.
375
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,925
And Tom and his weird
feud with our doctor.
376
00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:59,191
So, this after-school
music program
377
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,664
has been really
successful in Pawnee,
378
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,524
and we've expanded it to eight
other towns in Indiana.
379
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,933
But we feel, with your
help, we can be...
380
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,005
Whoa! Are those...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
381
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,370
Are those remote
control helicopters?
382
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:10,973
Yeah.
What? (LAUGHS)
383
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,608
I got them as a gift.
384
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,669
I bought them for
one of my nephews.
385
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,371
Then, I decided to keep them.
ANDY: Yeah.
386
00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:17,847
Would you like
to play with them?
387
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,942
Oh, would I? I call the blue one.
I call... Aw.
388
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:21,951
Okay, you get the blue one.
389
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,012
Andy, we are guests
of Lord Covington.
390
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,114
Maybe you should let him...
391
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,119
Play with the blue helicopter.
392
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,990
What are you talking about, dude?
I called it.
393
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,653
He called it.
That's the rule.
394
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:32,788
That's the rule.
395
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,332
Anyway, the orange one's better.
396
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,389
ANDY: What?
EDGAR: Come on.
397
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:36,456
Ah!
398
00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:37,524
(EDGAR LAUGHING)
399
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,193
Hey, get off.
400
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,604
(BOTH SCREAMING)
401
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,339
Dude, awesome.
I think I broke mine.
402
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,572
EDGAR: Oh, bummer.
403
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:49,841
So, like, you, your family
owns all this stuff?
404
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,380
Well, no, not everything.
405
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,351
Uh, we own that building,
406
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,486
that one, that house,
that round thing,
407
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,791
that one, we don't own that.
408
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,921
Oh, no, actually,
we do own that.
409
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:04,552
What else does your family own?
410
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,258
Well, um,
have you heard of Scotland?
411
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,592
As I was saying, uh,
we've really made
412
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:11,659
this music program
work in Indiana,
413
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,898
and we think, with your help,
414
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,374
we could turn this into a
wide-reaching international program.
415
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,808
Oh, you know what I want?
Ice cream.
416
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:20,208
Do you guys have that here?
Ice cream?
417
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:21,674
Oh, it's so good.
You have to get it.
418
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,840
It's, like, scoops
and it comes on a cone.
419
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,679
Do you have that here? We have it.
Of course we have it.
420
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,309
You have it? Where do you
think you are, the moon?
421
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,944
(BOTH LAUGHING)
422
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,283
That would be awesome
if we were.
423
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:31,516
Yeah.
424
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:35,356
Can we get some?
Could we have some?
425
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:38,321
Could we?
Sure.
426
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,625
(BOTH LAUGHING)
427
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:40,687
Yeah.
428
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:41,755
Let's go.
429
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,131
ANDY: What do
I do with this?
430
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,863
EDGAR: Just throw it there.
Roger will pick it up.
431
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,130
ANDY: Oh. (LAUGHS)
432
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,107
So, I long for a day
when women in government
433
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,336
will simply be seen
as people in government,
434
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:56,074
but until then, I will work to make
Pawnee, my wonderful hometown,
435
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:58,614
as good as it can be.
What do you think?
436
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:02,016
I think you should lose the
first line and the last line,
437
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,315
and all of the other lines,
438
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,687
and instead,
just walk up to the mic
439
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,659
and meow really loudly
for eight minutes.
440
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,695
Okay.
This trip is amazing,
441
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,095
but I miss Pawnee, you know?
442
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,632
I want to know
what's happening there.
443
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,099
One little news
blast wouldn't hurt.
444
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,665
PERD: Welcome to
The Final Word with Perd.
445
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,864
Ms. Pinewood, there is
a thing you are doing,
446
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,772
and that thing is,
you are leading
447
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,572
a recall vote against
Councilwoman Knope.
448
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:30,042
And you say you have new,
shocking allegations about her.
449
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,309
What? What, now?
450
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:34,978
Perd, I take no pleasure in reporting
this, but it must come to light.
451
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,879
We are here trying
to make Pawnee better,
452
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:40,182
and where is Leslie Knope?
453
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:44,023
She's gallivanting around Europe,
like some kind of European.
454
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,188
(EXCLAIMS)
455
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,788
How did they get that picture?
Facebook.
456
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,230
But I just put...
APRIL: Facebook.
457
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,460
Isn't it a... Mmm.
Facebook.
458
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,663
Apparently, she can't be
bothered to stay here in Pawnee,
459
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,774
not when there's Europe
to gallivant around in.
460
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,833
Well, we conducted a Perd Poll
and asked this question.
461
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:01,104
Do you think Leslie Knope
should be in England?
462
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:04,513
Do you not think that,
or do you not think that?
463
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,017
48% said she should
not be in Europe.
464
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,213
17% say it's okay,
465
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:11,518
and 35% said they were confused
466
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,421
by the way
the question was posed.
467
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:15,424
Oh, my God.
468
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,787
APRIL:
You're leaving tonight?
469
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,889
I can't believe
there's even a flight.
470
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:23,526
Well, not to Indiana. But there's
a 9:00 redeye to Lisbon.
471
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,366
And then, I can catch the
4:30 AM back to Edinburgh,
472
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,463
connect through Houston,
head on up to Cincinnati
473
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,201
and then, rent a car,
drive around 90,
474
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,469
and I'll be home
two hours earlier
475
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:33,272
than if I flew home as planned.
476
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:34,801
Easy breezy.
477
00:18:34,913 --> 00:18:36,437
Leslie, I can't believe
I'm saying this,
478
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,813
but I do not think you should
leave Europe right now.
479
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:41,379
You flew all this way.
Have some perspective.
480
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:42,954
You have some perspective.
481
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,889
I'm sorry.
482
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,425
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm stressed.
483
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:48,582
Okay, I need to calm down.
484
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,560
Let's go walk past
Colin Firth's house again.
485
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,462
Who is that?
486
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,097
Hold up.
My dad said that?
487
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,156
TOM: Yeah, Jean-Ralphio.
488
00:18:56,235 --> 00:19:00,035
He told me that I had screwed
you out of my business.
489
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,403
What? So he was going
to screw me back.
490
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,066
Any idea why he'd
believe such a thing?
491
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,804
That is so weird.
492
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,242
That is so...
Oh, you know what?
493
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,975
Honestly, now that I'm thinking
about it, this may be it.
494
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:13,449
I actually told him that
Rent A Swag was my idea,
495
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,987
and that you had
stole it from me.
496
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:17,078
Why would you say that?
497
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:19,714
Because my dad is always riding
me for never having a job,
498
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,782
and I just didn't want to show
that I blew it again.
499
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:24,988
Ooh, and I don't know
if this is relevant,
500
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:28,624
but I told him that you made me sign
up for a bunch of credit cards,
501
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,065
and then maxed them out
502
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,160
by buying illegal white
jaguar fur coats.
503
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:33,932
(LAUGHS)
That's probably not relevant.
504
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,030
It's probably
not relevant, though.
505
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,199
I guess.
No, definitely.
506
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,743
All this lying
about me stops now.
507
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:39,936
BOTH: Mmm.
508
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,001
This is my life.
509
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:43,274
Please, one of you has
to tell him the truth.
510
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,179
Not it!
Ooh, you got me!
511
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,980
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
512
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:49,815
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
513
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,651
Okay, fine.
You know what?
514
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,452
I'm going to do the unthinkable.
515
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:56,961
I'm going to have a short, honest
conversation with my father.
516
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,653
Thank you.
517
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,599
(PIANO PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
518
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,058
(CHEERING)
519
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,530
Oh, that's a big
cheering section.
520
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,541
Okay. That's Khongordzol
from Mongolia.
521
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:13,772
She grew up in a hut that was
entirely made of ice and mud.
522
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:16,075
Then, she became their mayor,
then their police chief,
523
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,116
and their best
wolverine wrangler.
524
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,439
I love her.
525
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:23,152
Oh, hi. You must be Leslie Knope.
Oh.
526
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,816
I'm Ulee Danssen.
I'm one of the honorees.
527
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,516
Wow. Look at your face.
528
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,692
What?
It's just so symmetrical.
529
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:31,786
Oh, thanks.
530
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:33,023
You know, we all have
that in Denmark.
531
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,497
Oh, you're from Denmark.
Of course.
532
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,863
Well, what part of
Denmark are you from?
533
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:36,923
I'm from Silkeborg.
534
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,903
You know, it's not one of the
most perfect places in the world.
535
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,338
But I love it, and it loves me.
536
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,168
And look what
they've done for me.
537
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,975
They made a statue of you.
538
00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:47,136
Yes.
(CHUCKLES)
539
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:48,770
Wow. Is that goat cheese?
540
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:51,311
Good cheese eye, Leslie. It
is made out of goat cheese.
541
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:53,816
We have a lot of it.
And after tonight's event,
542
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,217
they're going to consume
me with crackers.
543
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,886
They just love me.
What about your town?
544
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:04,389
Well, Pawnee, Indiana, is a
wonderful town, and I love it.
545
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:07,159
But they hate me, and they're
trying to kick me out of office.
546
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,229
One time, they made
a piñata of my face.
547
00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:11,769
And then, everybody
in the town came
548
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,498
and took turns
hitting it with a stick.
549
00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:16,941
And they filled it with broccoli
just to add insult to injury.
550
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:18,766
(LAUGHS) But politics...
551
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:19,868
You know what I mean, right?
552
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,708
(LAUGHS) I don't. No.
553
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,213
(BOTH LAUGHING)
554
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,216
So, you're from Mongolia?
555
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:28,608
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
556
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,785
Will you take me with you
when you go back there?
557
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:32,012
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
558
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,213
I love you.
559
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,281
Hmm.
560
00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:36,426
Did you understand that?
561
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:38,759
Did you bring any wolverines?
562
00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:40,687
(ANDY LAUGHING)
563
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:43,796
Say it again.
Say it again.
564
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,336
Aluminium.
(LAUGHING)
565
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:48,365
Okay. Okay. You say it.
You say it. You say it.
566
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,668
It's allumilum.
567
00:21:49,741 --> 00:21:50,901
Allumilum?
568
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,375
Okay. Uh, Eddie?
Allumilum.
569
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,843
Uh, if you'd like me to talk
more about the program,
570
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:56,676
I'd be happy to, but,
(CLEARS THROAT) Mmm-hmm?
571
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,479
My wife is receiving an award
in just a few minutes.
572
00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:01,519
And I really need to get over there.
Yes, of course.
573
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,352
The thing is,
574
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,448
I don't know what I'm doing.
575
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:07,917
Me, neither.
I'm sorry?
576
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,325
My family has
a huge amount of money.
577
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:13,853
We live in a castle.
It has 1,000 acres of land.
578
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,257
Our hedge maze is so vast,
579
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:18,892
once, I got lost in there
for two days.
580
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,130
What? That's awesome.
581
00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:21,297
It was awesome.
582
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:25,033
There was a statue of a lion
inside, and I found a yo-yo.
583
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,005
Well, do you, do you have it here?
Guys.
584
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:29,775
But the point is,
I started this foundation
585
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,408
in order to do something
good with our money.
586
00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:35,309
I've heard hundreds
of charity pitches,
587
00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:38,447
and I honestly don't know
whether they're good or bad.
588
00:22:39,791 --> 00:22:41,156
If I may.
589
00:22:41,226 --> 00:22:43,126
Ours is great.
590
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:45,227
Brilliant. I'm in.
591
00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:47,530
What? Are you serious?
592
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,897
Yeah. I like you.
I like music.
593
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,502
On one condition.
594
00:22:51,636 --> 00:22:53,763
I want you to
stay here in London
595
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:56,501
with me for no more
than three months,
596
00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:59,840
to help me get it up and
running, and tell me what to do.
597
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:02,277
Oh, well, that, that
actually may be tough.
598
00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:04,315
I mean, my wife is in the
middle of this recall fight.
599
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,781
And I really need to...
Oh, no, no, no.
600
00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:06,875
No. No.
601
00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:10,149
I meant Andy.
I want Andy to stay.
602
00:23:12,357 --> 00:23:15,383
Is that a goose that
just flew by the window?
603
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:18,520
Oh, it's a plastic bag.
Did you see that?
604
00:23:19,631 --> 00:23:22,759
Wait, did I interrupt? What
are you guys talking about?
605
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:26,634
Let's see if it was a goose. I think
it could have been, honest to God.
606
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,903
Silkeborg is wonderful.
607
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,201
And I am very
supported and loved.
608
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:33,273
Once, on my birthday,
the town trained
609
00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:35,006
a reindeer to do a dance for me.
610
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,107
It was beautiful
611
00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:39,379
and the reindeer was delicious.
612
00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:40,543
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
613
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,482
Hey.
Hey.
614
00:23:44,556 --> 00:23:45,887
How was your meeting?
615
00:23:45,957 --> 00:23:48,050
Good. I'll fill
you in later.
616
00:23:48,293 --> 00:23:49,385
You ready for your speech?
617
00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:51,754
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
618
00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:52,956
LISA: Thank you, Ulee.
619
00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:56,523
It is so inspiring to hear
stories of powerful women
620
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:59,067
who are held in high
esteem by their hometowns.
621
00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:03,898
Now, from the hometown of Pawnee,
Indiana, in the United States...
622
00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:05,632
Leslie Knope.
623
00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:16,342
Uh, first, let me say it
is a true honor to be here
624
00:24:16,421 --> 00:24:17,718
among these amazing women.
625
00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:20,756
You all inspire me
with your accomplishments
626
00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:23,394
and the things you have done
for your hometowns.
627
00:24:23,595 --> 00:24:25,563
And the things your hometowns
have done for you.
628
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:27,120
I mean, they're just truly...
629
00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:33,464
You know, I've been a public
servant for a long time.
630
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:35,870
And you know how
I spend my days?
631
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:38,273
Cleaning slime out of rivers
632
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:41,243
and removing slugs
from people's front yards.
633
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,274
And I love my town, but you
know how they repay me?
634
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:45,646
By hating me.
635
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,119
They hate me.
They want to recall me.
636
00:24:48,587 --> 00:24:52,182
I wish I could, uh, move to Silkeborg
and dance with a reindeer.
637
00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:53,848
You're always welcome
in Silkeborg.
638
00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:56,189
Olga, let's start
a statue of Leslie.
639
00:24:57,028 --> 00:24:59,656
See? They like me in Silkeborg
more than my own hometown,
640
00:24:59,731 --> 00:25:01,358
and I've never even been there.
641
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:03,858
I love Pawnee,
but sometimes, it sucks.
642
00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,929
The people can be very
mean and ungrateful,
643
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,996
and they cling to
their fried dough
644
00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:11,342
and their big sodas.
645
00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:14,071
And then, they get mad at me
when their pants don't fit.
646
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:15,840
You know, I'm sick of it.
647
00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:17,643
Pawnee is filled with
a bunch of peepee-heads.
648
00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:22,314
Thank you very much
for this amazing award.
649
00:25:22,387 --> 00:25:24,082
I'm sorry I said peepee-heads.
(CHUCKLES)
650
00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:25,979
(WHOOPS)
651
00:25:28,293 --> 00:25:29,282
APRIL: That's my boss.
652
00:25:32,297 --> 00:25:34,663
That speech was a little
rough, don't you think?
653
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,630
Whatever. It's how I feel.
654
00:25:36,768 --> 00:25:38,668
Stupid, ungrateful town.
655
00:25:38,803 --> 00:25:41,772
Plus, you said it yourself,
we're 4,000 miles away.
656
00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,402
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
657
00:25:44,609 --> 00:25:45,633
Hello?
658
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:47,575
(ON PHONE)
Leslie, it's Jerry.
659
00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:48,635
Jerry who?
660
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:49,737
Gergich.
661
00:25:50,181 --> 00:25:52,172
Oh. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry,
why are you calling me?
662
00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,343
I don't want to waste
my international minutes.
663
00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:56,478
Leslie, your speech was webcast.
664
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,022
Here, in Pawnee.
665
00:25:58,156 --> 00:25:59,623
Everyone saw it.
666
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:01,191
What do you mean, everyone?
667
00:26:01,259 --> 00:26:03,159
I had organized
a big viewing party.
668
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:04,593
You know, to support you.
669
00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:07,257
And, well, now, that Kathryn Pinewood lady.
She's already pounced.
670
00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:10,592
She's calling it
the "Peepee-Head Speech."
671
00:26:10,669 --> 00:26:11,727
Bloody hell, Jerry.
672
00:26:11,803 --> 00:26:12,895
So, how's London...
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
673
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:16,067
I just never thought
that I would get
674
00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:17,199
to make this announcement.
675
00:26:17,976 --> 00:26:19,910
It's a very special day.
676
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:21,067
Okay.
677
00:26:21,613 --> 00:26:22,602
Hey, Donna.
678
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,249
ANN: So...
You're pregnant.
679
00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:28,041
Oh, man. Tom told you. Nope.
680
00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:31,512
You're drinking decaf coffee, which
you usually only do in the afternoon.
681
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:34,258
You're wearing an empire-waist
dress and loose shoes
682
00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:35,850
'cause your feet
are already swelling.
683
00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:37,790
I'd put you at nine,
maybe ten weeks?
684
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:39,394
My goodness, you're observant.
685
00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:41,231
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
686
00:26:41,299 --> 00:26:42,288
Hmm.
687
00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:44,367
When did you make the
switch to boxer briefs?
688
00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:46,159
Yesterday.
689
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:49,540
Okay, please
stop looking at him.
690
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,436
Why are we here?
691
00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:54,375
RON: Just thought you
needed some fresh air.
692
00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:58,915
Even if that air is filled with the
foul stench of European socialism.
693
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:02,010
You know, I know I am supposed
to feel bad about what I said.
694
00:27:02,087 --> 00:27:03,384
But I do not.
695
00:27:04,422 --> 00:27:06,413
Pawnee has really been
pissing me off lately.
696
00:27:06,524 --> 00:27:09,425
Leslie, for God's sake.
You're the adult here.
697
00:27:09,494 --> 00:27:11,655
When your kid screams,
"I hate you,"
698
00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:14,290
you don't sink to his level
and yell, "I hate you" back.
699
00:27:14,399 --> 00:27:15,923
You have to be the grown-up.
(SIGHS)
700
00:27:16,201 --> 00:27:19,170
You're right. I know.
I have to be the grown-up.
701
00:27:19,237 --> 00:27:21,068
But it's so hard.
702
00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:23,369
Ron. God.
703
00:27:24,042 --> 00:27:25,441
And nobody ever thanks you.
704
00:27:25,710 --> 00:27:27,075
You choose a thankless job,
705
00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,170
you can't be upset
when nobody thanks you.
706
00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:31,481
And by the way,
April thanked you.
707
00:27:31,616 --> 00:27:33,379
She nominated you
for this award.
708
00:27:33,451 --> 00:27:34,884
Well, April does that
all the time.
709
00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:37,717
She nominated Ann for Motocross
Driver of the Year Award,
710
00:27:37,789 --> 00:27:39,586
just so she could
get a rejection letter.
711
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:41,323
April respects you.
712
00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:43,160
And so do many others.
713
00:27:44,295 --> 00:27:46,490
Don't start chasing
applause and acclaim.
714
00:27:46,564 --> 00:27:48,122
That way lies madness.
715
00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:50,091
(SIGHS)
716
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:52,432
Oh. I almost forgot.
717
00:27:52,737 --> 00:27:55,467
I finally got you
a proper wedding gift.
718
00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:57,231
Part one of many.
719
00:27:57,942 --> 00:27:59,136
A train ticket?
720
00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:01,703
You think I want
to extend my stay
721
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:03,338
on this godforsaken continent?
722
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,709
Yes, you do.
723
00:28:04,783 --> 00:28:07,115
If you follow that
itinerary to the letter,
724
00:28:07,318 --> 00:28:09,582
I promise you, you will
not be disappointed.
725
00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:12,413
Well, I would offer
to buy you a drink,
726
00:28:12,490 --> 00:28:14,048
but where the hell
would that even happen?
727
00:28:14,492 --> 00:28:15,891
This is London, Ron.
728
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,520
There's a pub over there,
there's a pub over there,
729
00:28:18,596 --> 00:28:20,086
there's a pub between
those two butcher shops.
730
00:28:20,298 --> 00:28:22,289
Let's go to that one.
But we'll be stopping
731
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,733
in those two
butcher shops first.
732
00:28:25,804 --> 00:28:27,863
Hey, Jerry. I didn't know
you were working today.
733
00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:30,304
Yeah. Ron asked me to come in
while he's away. (CHUCKLES)
734
00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:32,703
Of course, I had to cancel
my cardiologist appointment...
735
00:28:32,777 --> 00:28:33,801
That's great.
736
00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:36,369
Now, here's a piece of
information that is interesting.
737
00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:38,746
Ann is pregnant,
and it's my baby.
738
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:40,784
JERRY: Oh, my God,
that's wonderful news.
739
00:28:40,852 --> 00:28:42,547
Oh, there's so much
in front of you.
740
00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:43,917
I mean soon, you're
going to start showing.
741
00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:45,819
And then, your clothes
will feel tight.
742
00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:47,748
And then, oh, people are
going to start rubbing
743
00:28:47,826 --> 00:28:49,623
your tummy all the time.
744
00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:51,286
(LAUGHS)
That sounds terrible.
745
00:28:51,429 --> 00:28:53,659
Well, Gayle,
she got really queasy.
746
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,199
And I gained a lot
of sympathy weight.
747
00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:58,326
Yeah. You know,
actually, before my kids,
748
00:28:58,436 --> 00:28:59,664
I looked a lot like you, Chris.
749
00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:01,734
I am very sad.
Please stop talking.
750
00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:03,865
Well, and, of course,
pretty soon, Ann,
751
00:29:04,642 --> 00:29:05,700
your milk is going to come in.
752
00:29:05,777 --> 00:29:08,371
Oh.
That is exciting.
753
00:29:08,446 --> 00:29:09,435
Mmm.
754
00:29:13,051 --> 00:29:15,042
Yep, and it happens
sooner than you'd think.
755
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,382
The babies can sense it.
756
00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:17,648
You would be shocked.
757
00:29:17,722 --> 00:29:20,156
Because they are rooting around
for that nipple. (SUCKS)
758
00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:22,789
Give it to me.
I want milk.
759
00:29:22,861 --> 00:29:23,987
(SUCKING)
760
00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,055
Life is a miracle.
761
00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:27,558
Mmm. Mmm-mmm.
762
00:29:28,199 --> 00:29:29,632
APRIL: So,
it's kind of awesome
763
00:29:29,701 --> 00:29:32,067
that the Lord Fancyface guy
wants you to stay.
764
00:29:32,370 --> 00:29:35,032
ANDY: Yeah, I guess. I mean,
I can't do it, obviously.
765
00:29:35,206 --> 00:29:36,195
APRIL: Why?
766
00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:38,499
I don't know what
I would be doing.
767
00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:39,702
Besides, this is England.
768
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:42,713
Everything is so weird.
It's all different.
769
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:45,477
Yeah. Like how they drive on
the other side of the road?
770
00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:46,881
Do they?
771
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:48,475
I'll be damned.
772
00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:50,248
Yeah, like that.
That's what I'm...
773
00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:51,720
Exactly what I'm talking about.
774
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,849
Or, like, the Piccadilly
Circus we went to?
775
00:29:53,992 --> 00:29:57,052
Not even a circus. There's no elephants.
There is no cotton candies.
776
00:29:57,128 --> 00:29:58,459
No clowns.
777
00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:02,433
One bearded lady. She got all
rude when I marveled at her.
778
00:30:03,034 --> 00:30:04,524
Do you like
the Lord Fancyface guy?
779
00:30:04,602 --> 00:30:07,162
Oh, he's awesome. He's everything
you would want in a boss.
780
00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:08,364
I mean...
781
00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,304
Remote control helicopters,
talks funny.
782
00:30:10,375 --> 00:30:11,364
Total package.
783
00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:13,372
I think you should do it.
784
00:30:13,444 --> 00:30:15,275
When are you going to have
another opportunity like this?
785
00:30:15,346 --> 00:30:17,780
Yeah, but... Plus, we can
deal with the distance, okay?
786
00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:19,349
Remember, I was in
Washington last year?
787
00:30:21,219 --> 00:30:22,550
He said he wanted me
to head up the company.
788
00:30:22,620 --> 00:30:25,054
I have no idea how
to run a non-profit.
789
00:30:25,356 --> 00:30:26,345
Hey.
790
00:30:26,925 --> 00:30:29,951
You shined shoes for over two
years and never made a profit.
791
00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:34,223
Come on.
You can hack this.
792
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:36,027
I believe in you.
793
00:30:37,435 --> 00:30:38,459
But to replace you,
794
00:30:38,536 --> 00:30:40,868
I am going to have to build
a scarecrow replica of you
795
00:30:40,972 --> 00:30:42,269
and take it to the movies.
796
00:30:42,607 --> 00:30:45,075
Seems like
the only logical solution.
797
00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:54,480
My point is, Ethel, that...
798
00:30:55,253 --> 00:30:58,245
Ann is pregnant.
And I'm the baby daddy.
799
00:30:58,389 --> 00:31:00,118
How wonderful for you.
800
00:31:00,325 --> 00:31:02,020
But, you don't seem
very excited for us.
801
00:31:02,093 --> 00:31:03,856
I barely know you.
802
00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:07,657
And I don't have to talk to
you unless it's about work.
803
00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:11,593
Man, I thought this
would be more satisfying.
804
00:31:11,669 --> 00:31:12,658
I agree.
805
00:31:12,971 --> 00:31:14,495
Wait a minute.
What time is it?
806
00:31:14,639 --> 00:31:16,163
Has she landed yet?
807
00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:19,343
LESLIE: Oh, I am so happy
for you guys.
808
00:31:19,444 --> 00:31:22,345
Oh, this is the greatest day
in the history of days.
809
00:31:22,413 --> 00:31:23,744
This day, a thousand
years from now,
810
00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:25,248
will be celebrated
as the beginning
811
00:31:25,316 --> 00:31:27,341
of a new and better human race.
812
00:31:27,452 --> 00:31:28,783
I am so happy for you,
I'm never letting you go.
813
00:31:28,853 --> 00:31:30,252
I am not going to let you go.
814
00:31:30,321 --> 00:31:32,687
Oh, oh, oh. Eventually, she's
going to have to go back to work.
815
00:31:32,757 --> 00:31:34,122
Are you sure you
should be working?
816
00:31:34,192 --> 00:31:36,626
I mean, you should be
resting and getting fluids,
817
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,753
and cold compresses,
and greasy foods.
818
00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,124
That's for a hangover.
819
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:42,189
Right. Yeah. Of course.
I'm so goofed-up right now.
820
00:31:42,267 --> 00:31:44,599
I am so jet-lagged. I took a
sleeping pill on the plane,
821
00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:45,931
and then I changed my mind.
822
00:31:46,004 --> 00:31:47,528
So, I took this thing
called "ZapVigil,"
823
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,970
which apparently is what Israeli fighter
pilots use to stay awake, so...
824
00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:53,772
Right now it looks like I'm talking
to a giant crab. (LAUGHING)
825
00:31:53,845 --> 00:31:55,676
Stay away from me, crab.
826
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,408
I'm just kidding.
I know it's Ann.
827
00:31:57,482 --> 00:31:59,006
CHRIS: We are so glad
you're back.
828
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,017
We talked to, like, 50 people,
829
00:32:01,085 --> 00:32:02,484
and frankly, not one of them
830
00:32:02,553 --> 00:32:03,713
gave us the reaction that
we were hoping for.
831
00:32:03,788 --> 00:32:06,450
And your reaction, from
someone we love so much,
832
00:32:06,524 --> 00:32:08,492
I mean, it just makes up
for all the other ones.
833
00:32:08,559 --> 00:32:10,493
Oh.
Anyway, welcome home.
834
00:32:10,561 --> 00:32:11,721
Don't pinch me.
835
00:32:12,363 --> 00:32:13,694
Thank you all for coming.
836
00:32:13,865 --> 00:32:16,060
And let me just say how truly,
837
00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:18,725
deeply trill it is
to be standing in this
838
00:32:18,970 --> 00:32:20,096
dope-ass conference room
839
00:32:20,171 --> 00:32:22,230
and addressing a group of
people in a business meeting.
840
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:23,331
It's really a dream come true.
841
00:32:23,541 --> 00:32:25,168
Uh, right now I want
to turn the floor over
842
00:32:25,243 --> 00:32:27,734
to Jean-Ralphio,
who has something to say.
843
00:32:32,317 --> 00:32:35,809
Tom. Lawyer guy. Daddy.
844
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:38,855
Tom did not screw me
out of the company.
845
00:32:39,223 --> 00:32:41,987
He gave me every opportunity to
jump in at the ground floor,
846
00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:43,049
and I said no.
847
00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:45,254
Not because I thought
it was a bad idea,
848
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:48,155
but because,
and this is very important,
849
00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:51,400
I really didn't care
about what was happening.
850
00:32:51,836 --> 00:32:55,636
So, why exactly did you lie when
I asked you what had happened?
851
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:58,367
Daddy. Daddy. Come on.
I lie to you all the time.
852
00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:00,536
All those math camps
I said I went to?
853
00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:03,043
(LAUGHING) I don't even
know what a math camp is.
854
00:33:03,448 --> 00:33:05,712
So, all those postcards
that you sent me,
855
00:33:05,950 --> 00:33:08,077
all those trophies
that you'd won...
856
00:33:08,252 --> 00:33:11,847
(SINGING) Trophies I bought
857
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:13,185
(MONA-LISA CHUCKLES)
858
00:33:13,257 --> 00:33:14,815
I also have something to say.
859
00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:16,215
(SIGHS)
860
00:33:16,294 --> 00:33:18,023
I have done nothing wrong.
861
00:33:18,730 --> 00:33:20,698
Ever, in my life.
862
00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:22,154
I know this.
863
00:33:23,368 --> 00:33:24,357
And I love you.
864
00:33:24,435 --> 00:33:25,800
I love you, too, Daddy.
865
00:33:25,870 --> 00:33:27,838
Money, please.
866
00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:29,506
My money.
(SIGHS)
867
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:31,198
Dr. Saperstein.
868
00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:33,203
Your son is my best friend.
Yeah.
869
00:33:33,478 --> 00:33:35,878
He's like a brother to me.
But he's a disaster.
870
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,138
And your daughter
871
00:33:37,215 --> 00:33:40,013
seriously needs to be locked up
in some sort of insane asylum.
872
00:33:40,084 --> 00:33:41,142
Mmm.
873
00:33:41,219 --> 00:33:42,345
On an island.
Ooh.
874
00:33:42,553 --> 00:33:44,418
In space.
Calling home.
875
00:33:44,722 --> 00:33:48,214
These two have been huge
disappointments to me.
876
00:33:48,926 --> 00:33:50,621
Come on. You love us.
877
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:53,129
Tell me you love us,
and then, admit
878
00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:54,824
this guy looks like Beaker
from the Muppets.
879
00:33:54,899 --> 00:33:55,991
(MONA-LISA LAUGHING)
880
00:33:56,067 --> 00:33:58,365
Dad. (LAUGHING)
(IMITATING MUPPETS)
881
00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:00,131
But seriously,
what are we doing here?
882
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:01,762
What are we doing here, Dad?
883
00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:04,137
Why are we here?
So.
884
00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:07,537
Now, you know the truth.
Will you back off?
885
00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:09,040
No, I will not stop.
886
00:34:09,113 --> 00:34:12,241
Yes, this all started as
vengeance for my children.
887
00:34:12,717 --> 00:34:15,015
But the company
is making money now.
888
00:34:15,086 --> 00:34:16,075
Why would I back off
889
00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:18,622
just because these nincompoops
lie to me all the time?
890
00:34:18,689 --> 00:34:20,850
MONA-LISA: Mmm-hmm. Nope.
I'm not going to back off.
891
00:34:20,958 --> 00:34:23,893
I'm going to continue,
and I'm going to crush you.
892
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,330
All right. You two. Are you
in for dinner tomorrow night?
893
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:28,387
Yes!
Yes, Daddy.
894
00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:30,093
Blow me a kiss.
895
00:34:30,201 --> 00:34:31,793
BOTH: Muah.
Muah.
896
00:34:31,936 --> 00:34:33,301
Caught it.
I love you, Daddy!
897
00:34:33,371 --> 00:34:34,531
I love you, Daddy!
SAPERSTEIN: I love you, too.
898
00:34:34,972 --> 00:34:37,202
Hey, are you gonna be okay
with Andy gone?
899
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:38,867
Yeah, it will be fine.
900
00:34:38,943 --> 00:34:40,968
Are you gonna be okay
with Ben still here?
901
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,274
April.
What? I don't trust him.
902
00:34:43,347 --> 00:34:45,781
I never have.
He's after your money.
903
00:34:45,950 --> 00:34:49,283
Hey, Gretel. Hello. It's me,
City Councilwoman Leslie Knope.
904
00:34:49,353 --> 00:34:52,413
And me, Odie the dog,
Garfield's enemy.
905
00:34:52,490 --> 00:34:53,821
LESLIE: Now, we have
some great news.
906
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:57,292
We were in London, and we met a
wonderful woman from Mongolia.
907
00:34:57,361 --> 00:34:58,885
Yeah. Her name
was Khongordzol,
908
00:34:58,963 --> 00:35:00,760
and I love her more than
anything in the world.
909
00:35:00,932 --> 00:35:04,197
Khongordzol and Odie,
here, were emailing.
910
00:35:04,268 --> 00:35:08,432
And she recommended a very
humane way to get rid of slugs.
911
00:35:08,506 --> 00:35:11,270
You sprinkle coffee grounds
on the affected area,
912
00:35:11,342 --> 00:35:12,775
and it drives the slugs away.
913
00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:13,833
Isn't that great?
914
00:35:13,911 --> 00:35:15,572
I didn't want
all the slugs gone.
915
00:35:15,646 --> 00:35:17,307
I wanted most of them gone.
916
00:35:17,381 --> 00:35:19,849
So sorry. Well,
we'll put one slug back.
917
00:35:19,917 --> 00:35:21,578
Either way,
your problem is solved.
918
00:35:21,652 --> 00:35:24,018
Oh, my God.
That lady is the worst.
919
00:35:24,088 --> 00:35:26,181
She didn't even say thank you.
920
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:28,589
That's not why we do this, April.
We do it because it's good
921
00:35:28,659 --> 00:35:29,853
and it helps people.
922
00:35:29,927 --> 00:35:31,189
Not to get the applause.
923
00:35:31,262 --> 00:35:32,820
Yeah, but doesn't
that bum you out?
924
00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:36,094
Well, sure, it would be nice if just
one person appreciated my work.
925
00:35:36,167 --> 00:35:37,930
At all.
926
00:35:38,002 --> 00:35:39,799
But that's the job.
927
00:35:39,871 --> 00:35:42,965
Wiping slime
and shoveling slugs.
928
00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:46,005
All right. (SIGHS)
On to the next complaint.
929
00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:48,976
(WOMAN TALKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA)
930
00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:03,688
Where the hell are
you sending me, Knope?
931
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:10,361
Morning, cutie.
Morning, Jessica.
932
00:36:10,601 --> 00:36:12,728
Whoa!
These were a gift
933
00:36:12,803 --> 00:36:15,294
from your British friend,
Lord Edgar Covington.
934
00:36:15,373 --> 00:36:17,364
He was very impressed
with you two.
935
00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,302
He sounded rich on the phone.
936
00:36:19,744 --> 00:36:22,577
I think he was calling me
from a helicopter.
937
00:36:22,813 --> 00:36:24,838
Could be. He owns two. Oh.
938
00:36:25,416 --> 00:36:27,475
So, Andy is going to stay
there for three months.
939
00:36:27,552 --> 00:36:28,780
I hope he's okay.
940
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:29,945
He sent me an email
this morning.
941
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:31,079
I guess he got
on the wrong train
942
00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:32,884
on the way to work and got lost.
943
00:36:34,325 --> 00:36:36,156
Yeah, this isn't right.
944
00:36:36,827 --> 00:36:38,590
None of this looks familiar.
945
00:36:41,532 --> 00:36:42,521
Eddie?
946
00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:45,491
Uh-oh.
SpaghettiOs...
947
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:47,671
Oh, don't worry.
I'm sure he'll adjust.
948
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:49,968
No. I named that dog
"SpaghettiOs,"
949
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,406
and he just pooped
in your briefcase.
950
00:36:51,475 --> 00:36:52,669
(LAUGHING)
951
00:36:52,743 --> 00:36:53,732
BEN: Okay.
952
00:36:53,911 --> 00:36:55,173
Come on, Sugarbutt.
953
00:36:55,246 --> 00:36:56,736
Oh. Which one's Sugarbutt?
954
00:36:56,981 --> 00:37:00,473
That's you. Come on. We've got
a board meeting. Sugarbutt.
955
00:37:00,585 --> 00:37:01,574
(CHUCKLES)
956
00:37:02,253 --> 00:37:03,914
Wildly inappropriate.
957
00:37:04,622 --> 00:37:06,556
You think there's any chance
your dad will give up?
958
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:09,616
I doubt it. He never gives up on anything.
Except for my mom.
959
00:37:09,794 --> 00:37:12,262
When she turned 30,
he was like, "Get out."
960
00:37:12,964 --> 00:37:14,932
(SIGHS) Maybe I should
just throw in the towel.
961
00:37:14,999 --> 00:37:17,194
Your dad will destroy me.
I'll be left with nothing.
962
00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:19,566
I thought I was a better-looking
version of Zuckerberg.
963
00:37:19,670 --> 00:37:21,069
It turns out I'm the
better-looking version of
964
00:37:21,138 --> 00:37:22,162
the Winklevoss twins.
965
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,003
First of all,
unbelievable analogy.
966
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:25,838
Second of all, what are
you talking about, man?
967
00:37:25,977 --> 00:37:28,207
You're Tommy Haverford.
You're an idea man.
968
00:37:28,279 --> 00:37:31,180
When Babyface was your age, he
hadn't even signed Toni Braxton yet.
969
00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:32,409
Let alone Usher.
970
00:37:33,784 --> 00:37:36,446
You're right. I mean,
I'm basically Babyface.
971
00:37:36,621 --> 00:37:38,316
You're basically Babyface.
972
00:37:38,389 --> 00:37:39,947
Okay. I'm going
to keep going
973
00:37:40,024 --> 00:37:41,218
and I'm going to beat your dad.
974
00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:43,359
That's what I'm talking about.
975
00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:45,395
And for me,
it's a win-win either way.
976
00:37:45,496 --> 00:37:48,556
Either my best friend emerges
triumphant, or my dad beats you
977
00:37:48,633 --> 00:37:50,191
and I get all that money
when he dies.
978
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,498
I'm actually getting dinner with my
dad right now. You want to come?
979
00:37:52,737 --> 00:37:53,726
No.
980
00:37:54,038 --> 00:37:55,369
(SIGHS)
981
00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:57,934
I mean, this is all pretty
overwhelming, you know?
982
00:37:58,009 --> 00:37:58,998
(SIGHS)
983
00:37:59,343 --> 00:38:01,937
You know what I just read?
That right now,
984
00:38:02,013 --> 00:38:04,538
our baby is the size of a green olive.
(CHUCKLES)
985
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:06,409
Isn't that wild?
986
00:38:06,684 --> 00:38:09,983
It is. (SIGHS)
A green olive.
987
00:38:10,054 --> 00:38:11,385
A little high in sodium.
988
00:38:11,455 --> 00:38:13,514
I would have preferred a chick
pea or a cherry tomato.
989
00:38:13,591 --> 00:38:14,615
Our baby's not a salad.
990
00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:16,023
Yes. Right.
(SIGHS)
991
00:38:16,093 --> 00:38:18,687
It's just weird.
You know? I mean,
992
00:38:19,297 --> 00:38:23,597
for so long, this little green
olive was just our thing.
993
00:38:24,101 --> 00:38:26,001
And now, it's everyone's thing.
994
00:38:26,070 --> 00:38:28,868
Every time Jerry looks at
me, he's thinking about
995
00:38:28,939 --> 00:38:30,634
the milk in my boobs.
(SIGHS)
996
00:38:31,442 --> 00:38:33,467
It's still just our thing.
997
00:38:34,512 --> 00:38:36,571
It will always be
just our thing.
998
00:38:37,648 --> 00:38:40,811
That's why it's so wonderful,
and why we'll love it so much.
999
00:38:41,519 --> 00:38:42,679
(CHUCKLES)
1000
00:38:45,222 --> 00:38:46,519
You know, Olive is kind
of a cute name.
1001
00:38:46,590 --> 00:38:47,648
If it's a girl.
1002
00:38:47,725 --> 00:38:48,783
I prefer Chick Pea.
1003
00:38:48,859 --> 00:38:49,848
Because it's lower in sodium?
1004
00:38:49,927 --> 00:38:51,827
Yes, exactly.
Okay.
1005
00:38:55,132 --> 00:38:56,463
Hey.
Hey.
1006
00:38:56,534 --> 00:38:57,558
Are you leaving?
1007
00:38:57,635 --> 00:38:59,296
I just have to get a jump
start on my next phase.
1008
00:38:59,370 --> 00:39:00,394
Let's see.
1009
00:39:00,471 --> 00:39:04,202
It is "48-Hour
Roadkill Scrape-a-thon."
1010
00:39:04,942 --> 00:39:05,931
Oh, brother.
1011
00:39:06,010 --> 00:39:08,274
Okay, well, before you go,
I have something for you.
1012
00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:12,807
I feel like you're getting sad about
how stupid and lame people are.
1013
00:39:13,317 --> 00:39:15,444
And that is my job, not yours.
1014
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:19,012
So, I'm going to read
this letter to you out loud.
1015
00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:20,418
But if you hug me afterwards,
1016
00:39:20,491 --> 00:39:22,618
I swear to God, I'll scream
and pull my hair out
1017
00:39:22,693 --> 00:39:25,184
and maybe punch you in the face.
Okay?
1018
00:39:25,796 --> 00:39:27,127
Okay.
Please sit.
1019
00:39:27,832 --> 00:39:28,821
(CLEARS THROAT)
1020
00:39:29,867 --> 00:39:32,028
"Dear Award Committee
Members." (SOBBING)
1021
00:39:32,103 --> 00:39:34,628
Leslie. I didn't
even start.
1022
00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:35,967
Okay, I'm sorry.
1023
00:39:36,674 --> 00:39:37,698
Go ahead.
1024
00:39:37,775 --> 00:39:39,037
"Dear Award Committee Members.
1025
00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:42,375
"Where I live, there are a
lot of apathetic people.
1026
00:39:42,580 --> 00:39:45,549
"People who don't care at all about
what they do, or how they do it.
1027
00:39:45,616 --> 00:39:47,140
"They let the world
wash over them,
1028
00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:49,277
"and barely notice
anyone else is even there.
1029
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,517
"Leslie Knope is not
one of these people.
1030
00:39:52,323 --> 00:39:55,986
"She cares about everything
and everyone in our town.
1031
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:57,524
"I don't know how she does it.
1032
00:39:57,595 --> 00:39:59,722
"People come to her
with the pettiest,
1033
00:39:59,797 --> 00:40:02,391
"stupidest problems.
And she cares, like,
1034
00:40:02,466 --> 00:40:04,991
"really, actually cares
what happens to them.
1035
00:40:05,436 --> 00:40:07,927
"And if you're lucky
enough to be her friend,
1036
00:40:08,005 --> 00:40:10,064
"your life gets
better every day.
1037
00:40:10,441 --> 00:40:12,409
"She spends every waking moment
1038
00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:14,603
"thinking of new ways
to make her friends happy.
1039
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:17,714
"There is something wonderful about
seeing someone who has found
1040
00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:19,272
"her true purpose on Earth.
1041
00:40:19,950 --> 00:40:21,918
"For some people, I guess
that's being an astronaut
1042
00:40:21,986 --> 00:40:23,851
"or a hot dog eating champion.
1043
00:40:24,221 --> 00:40:26,917
"For Leslie, her true
purpose on Earth,
1044
00:40:27,224 --> 00:40:31,285
"her true meaning is making
people's lives better.
1045
00:40:32,463 --> 00:40:36,661
"That's what I love about her and
that's why she deserves this award.
1046
00:40:37,868 --> 00:40:40,166
"Sincerely, Satan."
1047
00:40:41,839 --> 00:40:43,704
You're getting hugged right now.
No. I told you not to.
1048
00:40:43,808 --> 00:40:46,538
I'm giving you a hug.
No. Stay away. No.
1049
00:40:49,380 --> 00:40:52,076
RON: All my life,
I have avoided Europe
1050
00:40:52,149 --> 00:40:54,549
and its multitudes
of terribleness.
1051
00:40:54,652 --> 00:40:56,882
But it turns out,
much to my surprise,
1052
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,286
there is actually
one place in Europe
1053
00:40:59,356 --> 00:41:00,687
that is worth seeing.
1054
00:41:01,892 --> 00:41:04,656
These tiny islands off
the coast of Scotland,
1055
00:41:05,029 --> 00:41:07,623
where God's chosen
elixirs are distilled,
1056
00:41:07,698 --> 00:41:09,495
barreled, and prepared
for consumption.
1057
00:41:10,367 --> 00:41:12,631
This is worth the trip.
1058
00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:19,405
"Dear Ron. You have now reached the
cliff sides overlooking the islands.
1059
00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:22,677
"As you sit here
and gaze upon the waters,
1060
00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:27,417
"please read out loud the poem by
the great Scotsman, Robert Burns.
1061
00:41:27,685 --> 00:41:28,709
"Love, Leslie."
1062
00:41:30,921 --> 00:41:33,219
"O were my love yon lilac fair
1063
00:41:33,991 --> 00:41:36,391
"With purple blossoms
to the spring
1064
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:39,428
"And I a bird to shelter there
1065
00:41:39,930 --> 00:41:42,262
"When wearied on my little wing
1066
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:45,795
"How I would mourn
when it was torn
1067
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:48,604
"By autumn wild and winter rude
1068
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,635
"But I would sing on wanton wing
1069
00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:55,741
"When youthful May
its bloom renewed"
1070
00:42:02,286 --> 00:42:04,982
I don't know what she thought
I'd get out of that.
1071
00:42:08,092 --> 00:42:09,081
BEN: Nice to be home.
1072
00:42:09,159 --> 00:42:12,560
It is. But, I mean, I love Pawnee.
I will always love Pawnee.
1073
00:42:12,730 --> 00:42:17,030
But London is amazing. And
Silkeborg sounds amazing.
1074
00:42:17,167 --> 00:42:18,600
And Mongolia sounds amazing.
1075
00:42:18,769 --> 00:42:21,067
Their mayor is a professional
wolverine wrangler.
1076
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:22,399
Fine, Mongolia
sounds terrifying.
1077
00:42:22,473 --> 00:42:24,373
But the world is
a very big place,
1078
00:42:24,441 --> 00:42:26,500
and I've seen very little of it.
1079
00:42:26,810 --> 00:42:29,745
Maybe we should travel more,
expand our horizons.
1080
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,105
You know, I've had
the same kinds of thoughts.
1081
00:42:32,483 --> 00:42:33,882
We should keep that in mind.
1082
00:42:33,951 --> 00:42:35,043
See where it leads us.
1083
00:42:35,119 --> 00:42:36,108
Yeah.
1084
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:37,812
There's one more thing
I want to try. Hmm.
1085
00:42:38,188 --> 00:42:39,815
I got you something in London.
1086
00:42:39,924 --> 00:42:41,858
A traditional barrister's wig.
1087
00:42:41,926 --> 00:42:42,915
Oh.
1088
00:42:43,127 --> 00:42:44,151
Wear it for me.
1089
00:42:44,228 --> 00:42:45,695
Yeah?
Mmm-hmm.
1090
00:42:46,130 --> 00:42:47,119
All right.
1091
00:42:51,602 --> 00:42:52,694
What's up?
1092
00:42:52,770 --> 00:42:53,794
No. Not sexy.
1093
00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:55,096
Failed experiment.
Take it off.
1094
00:42:55,172 --> 00:42:56,833
Okay, just... Okay.
Just take it off. No.
1095
00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:07,500
Ripped By mstoll