1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,837
Robin:
So, the hairdresser shows up
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:06,538
At 2:00 on Sunday.
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,007
Great, and while you do that,
4
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,174
I'll check in
on the ring bear.
5
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,110
I'm sorry.
6
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:14,947
You're saying
"ring bearer," right?
7
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,382
Ring bear.
8
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:19,051
Okay, look into my eyes and say,
"I promise that I'm not bringing
9
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,686
A dangerous wild animal
to our wedding."
10
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,156
I...
11
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:27,059
Oh, that's the shuttle
12
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,994
With our elderly relatives
pulling up.
13
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,397
There's nine steps between
the bus and that front door,
14
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,998
Which means we've only got
about 45 minutes
15
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,233
Until they get inside.
16
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,368
We won't have a
moment to ourselves
17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,004
Once those old bastards
latch onto us like leeches,
18
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,572
But they're family
and I love them.
19
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,808
living link to history.
20
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,076
Oh, god.
21
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,310
This is gonna be rough.
22
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:46,745
My great-grandparents
23
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,814
Never stop bickering,
but I guess that's
24
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,983
What happens when you've
been married for 60 years.
25
00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:52,818
60 years.
26
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,087
Man, when was the last time
you think they had sex?
27
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:58,924
Probably not since the
maple leafs won the cup.
28
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,193
1967.
29
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,996
That's not gonna be us, right?
30
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:08,067
Like, when we get married,
it's not all fighting, no sex?
31
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,035
What? No way.
32
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,938
It's us, r-train and b-nasty.
33
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,908
That will never happen.
34
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,113
Both:
We have to have sex right now.
35
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,082
Aw.
36
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,764
Narrator: Kids, as you
recall, uncle marshall
37
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,066
Had gotten kicked off
his flight home from minnesota
38
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,635
And was now high-tailing it
across the country
39
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,071
With another stranded traveler
named daphne.
40
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,072
How's it going, baby?
41
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,073
Fine.
42
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,775
Except the flames of lucifer
43
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,777
Keep singeing our back bumper
as we drive
44
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,147
Through this hellish,
cheese-infested wasteland.
45
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,416
Wisconsin?
Wisconsin!
46
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,984
Packers country.
47
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,419
But don't worry,
48
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,921
The eriksen men are repping
the purple and gold
49
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,456
Like two bosses.
50
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,659
Go, vikings!
51
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,097
And how are you doing, daphne?
52
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,500
Not bad, considering
marshall's been spouting
53
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,568
Vikings trivia
for the last hour.
54
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,970
Do you know
"I don't care"
55
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:20,005
Led the league last year
56
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,574
In "dumb sports stuff"?
57
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,575
Marshall:
Anyways, listen,
58
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,643
I should be back in time
59
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,978
For the rehearsal dinner
tomorrow.
60
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,412
Oh, the rehearsal dinner.
61
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:30,282
Daphne, you should have seen
the dress I was gonna wear.
62
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,751
Up top,
it packed the gals together
63
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,354
Like opening night
of a sex and the city movie.
64
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:37,923
And down south,
it made mama look like a dream
65
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,926
Sir mix-a-lot would never want
to wake up from.
66
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,762
Ooh, what happened
to that dress?
67
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:51,603
The drunks at the dry cleaners
destroyed it.
68
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,041
Thank you, linus.
69
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,476
Okay, lily, I have to go.
70
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,145
I have to alert the villagers
that there is
71
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,980
A viking amongst them.
72
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,615
Oh...
73
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,120
Marshall's driving
through wisconsin? Yep.
74
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:11,023
Ooh, is that
your toast?
75
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,891
Uh... Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just
76
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,993
Gonna wing mine.
'cause if you get up there
77
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,562
And speak from the heart...
78
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,497
Things good...
79
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,165
Mouth words...
80
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,300
Memory
81
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,301
Times.
82
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,902
Can I take a peek
at your speech?
83
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,504
Uh, no. I...
84
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:29,341
"have a drink
with my favorite students,
85
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:32,010
See one last sunset
over the hudson."
86
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,712
Ted, your speech sucks.
87
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,049
Well, it's no "mouth words,
memory times."
88
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:40,085
But if you must know,
it's, uh... It's not a speech.
89
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:42,221
What is it, then?
90
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:44,923
Narrator: A week before the
wedding, I realized I couldn't stay
91
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,725
In new york any longer.
92
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,995
So I decided to start fresh
in chicago.
93
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,830
It's a list of all the things
94
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,599
I want to do
before I leave new york.
95
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,667
Okay, I don't know
which I hate more:
96
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,236
The fact that you're moving away
97
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,738
Or the fact that I'm the only
one that knows about it.
98
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,406
Why won't you tell anyone?
99
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,776
You don't drop a bombshell like
that this close to a wedding.
100
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,713
No, that's an excuse. You have
been avoiding barney and robin
101
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,081
Since the carousel.
102
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,282
And now
on Monday,
103
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,884
You're running away to chicago.
104
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,119
I'm not running away.
105
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,787
I'm moving on.
106
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,191
This list isn't written by
someone who's ready to move on.
107
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:22,027
It's written by someone
who loves new york.
108
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:25,530
I mean, "fix graffiti
on 96th and amsterdam"?
109
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,633
I hated looking at it.
110
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,109
"buy the whole bar
a round of drinks."
111
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,110
Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,411
Hey, everyone.
113
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,912
Next round's on me!
114
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,916
Yeah!
115
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,018
Ted?
116
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,620
Hey, everyone.
117
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,289
Next round's on me!
118
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:52,924
Can I have a double bourbon...
119
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,494
No doubles!
120
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,297
"say good-bye
to the empire state building."
121
00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,965
Bro.
122
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,400
What?
123
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,168
Sometimes I go...
124
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,771
Talk to her about life.
125
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,406
Ted:
And I just hate the thought
126
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,808
Of leaving you, empy,
127
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,811
But my gut tells me
my future's in chicago.
128
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,613
What do you think?
129
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,148
You need to move.
130
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,749
Oh, my god, r-really?
131
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,950
Are-are you sure?
132
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,152
Yeah, I'm sure.
133
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,920
You can't just
stand there talking
134
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,989
To a building and petting it.
135
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,425
Wait, are you one
of those freaks
136
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,660
Who's sexually attracted
to buildings?
137
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,095
An objectophiliac?
138
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,164
No way.
139
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,599
Then why do you know
what they're called?
140
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,902
Why do you know
what they're called?
141
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,040
Wait. Wait, wait. You know
what would really prove
142
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,809
We're not some old married couple? Mmm.
143
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,111
Doing it somewhere
we're not supposed to.
144
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,679
no, not what I mean.
145
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,548
Oh. Like the elevator
or the pool cabana.
146
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,116
Uh, how about the roof?
Oh...
147
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,121
Man:
Who gets married this far away?
148
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,789
Woman:
And the humidity.
149
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,157
Both
They're here.
150
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:02,094
What do you say we make
this bang a home game? Yes.
151
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,663
We're locked out.
152
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,031
I guess we could try
the back door.
153
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,632
of our suite.
154
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:08,867
Oh.
There's a back door.
155
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:09,868
No, I locked it.
156
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,902
okay, it's fine.
157
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,070
We'll race down
to the front desk
158
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,238
And get a key
before anyone notices us.
159
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,676
Too late. It's like we're
in a zombie movie.
160
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:18,877
Seriously.
161
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,145
They move at
a slow shuffle,
162
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,646
They moan a lot and,
if given the chance,
163
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,014
They chew your ear off.
164
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,583
But they're family
and I love 'em.
165
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:25,917
Their wisdom is priceless.
166
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,920
"finally tell
my upstairs neighbor
167
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,690
How I've been feeling
all this time."
168
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,091
Yeah.
169
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,895
Hi. Um, I live
downstairs,
170
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,698
And, well, I've always wanted
to say this to you, but...
171
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,199
I've never had the guts.
172
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:44,236
So here goes.
173
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,838
Are your shoes made of lead?!
174
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,008
Because you are the loudest
upstairs neighbor in history!
175
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,778
Oh, oh, and you suck
at the bongos! But, hey...
176
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,579
keep practicing!
177
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,081
In the middle of the night!
178
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,983
Before any important interview
I've ever had!
179
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:02,687
"come clean about April 26."
180
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,223
What happened April 26?
181
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,526
Uh...
182
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,028
Can you believe people used to
actually swim in those things?
183
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,730
"meet me at coney island, see?
184
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,132
"I'll be doing the charleston
atop my giant-wheeled bicycle
185
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,735
In an era where folks
inexplicably talked like this."
186
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,706
Ted.
187
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,444
Whoa.
hey.
188
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,446
Hey, bud, I was just
about to take, uh,
189
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,481
Lily's rehearsal dinner dress
to the dry cleaner.
190
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,916
Oh, that's too bad.
191
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,251
Because, uh, I was just watching
the princess bride
192
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,053
When something occurred to me.
193
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,889
How, at the end, andre the giant
hooks 'em up with those horses
194
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,157
And then inigo montoya is like,
195
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,928
"fezzik, you did something
right." and it's like,
196
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:46,398
"bro, andre's been doing
stuff right the whole movie:
197
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,067
"knocking out serpents,
busting down castle doors,
198
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,903
"basically carrying your
revenge-and-sangria-soaked ass,
199
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,972
"so instead of being
a patronizing jerk,
200
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,907
"how about a simple,
201
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,910
'hey, thanks
for the horses, bro.'"
202
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,112
That's totally
what you were thinking, right?
203
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:04,015
No, I... No, I came over...
204
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,984
God, that's a really good point.
205
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,185
Yeah.
206
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,921
But here's my point.
207
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,490
And your point.
208
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:15,093
why haven't we done this
in forever?
209
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,829
Ted, you know damn well
why we haven't.
210
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,371
Sorry, lily.
Sorry, lily.
211
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,006
I almost killed my wife, ted!
212
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,675
I almost killed my wife!
213
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,010
I almost...
214
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,147
Yah!
215
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,148
"hello!
216
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,617
My name is inigo montoya!"
217
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,985
"you killed my father."
218
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,987
"prepare to die!"
"prepare to die!"
219
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,629
Ted:
Whoa.
220
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,964
You son of a bitch.
221
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,139
I loved that dress
you cut in half.
222
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:06,011
It was the perfect combination
of slutty and classy.
223
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,412
Well, what about
your backup dress?
224
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,181
Oh, it's just classy, ted!
225
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,019
Thank you, linus.
226
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,487
Look, I'm really sorry.
227
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,721
No, it's not good enough.
228
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,056
Since I'm being
229
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,425
Forced to wear something
I don't want to,
230
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:24,029
You should have to wear
something you don't
231
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,064
Want to.
232
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,770
Why am I the only one
being punished?
233
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,672
Marshall's just as responsible
for your dress as I am.
234
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,673
Yeah, but he's
235
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:35,907
In the middle of wisconsin.
236
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,577
How am I gonna punish...
237
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,312
Daphne:
Say cheese!
238
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,982
Go, pack, go!
239
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,422
I'm sorry, dad.
240
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,058
There's got to be someplace to
bang around here. I'm starving.
241
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,125
I knew we should've hit
the buffet when...
242
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,294
don't say "buffet."
243
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,463
That attracts old people.
Same goes for "coupon,"
244
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,398
"60 minutes"
and "mandy patinkin."
245
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,634
W... Robin,
you're being paranoid.
246
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,636
Old people don't magically
sense it
247
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,038
When you say "mandy patinkin."
248
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,408
Patinkin...
249
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,810
Quick, the ice machine room.
250
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,545
It's too cold for them in there. Oh.
251
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,117
I'll protect you, robin.
252
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,286
You'll always be safe with me.
253
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,155
take her!
254
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,093
You bitches best get out
of my hiding spot.
255
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,962
The only thing not checked off
on this list is
256
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,099
"scotch with barney."
that's the easiest one on here.
257
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,468
You aavoiding him.
258
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,470
I'm not. We've both been busy.
259
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,139
Besides, marshall and I
are saving that scotch
260
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,141
To have a drink with barney
before the rehearsal dinner.
261
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,478
Because it's not just
any bottle.
262
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,115
It's a $600
glen mckenna 30-year.
263
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,084
Narrator: What I didn't
know at the time was...
264
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:57,789
I told those idiots these
death rods are not welcome here.
265
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,992
What is it with
dudes and swords?
266
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,094
Oh, this is fun.
267
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,097
Oh, yeah, and it's so cool
when I go like this.
268
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:13,304
Hi. My name is rodrigo degoya.
269
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,472
You killed someone I love!
270
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,374
Prepare to dance!
271
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:20,178
Narrator: Yes, kids, that's what
your aunt lily thought the line was.
272
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,048
Ha! Whoo!
273
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,719
Ha!
274
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,290
We'll switch it with this
cheap bottle of whiskey.
275
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,125
You peel the label
off the glen mckenna.
276
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:34,993
On it!
277
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,895
Then we'll pour the... Robin!
278
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,563
Damn, that's smooth.
279
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,199
Pour it into
the other bottle!
280
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,206
Wait. The color's
not dark enough.
281
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:55,914
Still not right.
282
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,816
I think it was a little redder. Mm-hmm.
283
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:05,990
Okay, now
the consistency's off.
284
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,363
Yeah.
285
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,232
Looks good.
286
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,102
I mean, look at the color.
287
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,671
It's almost
chocolaty in its richness.
288
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,973
The reddish hue.
289
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,210
Something that looks
sort of clumpy.
290
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,878
Oh, yeah, I-I read about that.
291
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:31,683
Isn't the highland region
known for its clumps?
292
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,618
Thanks, lily.
293
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,755
I'm very aware
of the highland clumps.
294
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,090
You know what?
I think I'm gonna sneak a taste.
295
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,227
What? But-but marshall's
not even here yet!
296
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,263
Ah, a quick nip won't hurt.
297
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,635
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
298
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,284
She's breathtaking.
299
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,920
You avoiding
the family, too?
300
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:12,957
I'm gay, I'm black,
and I'm getting a divorce.
301
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,260
Those walking skeletons are
gonna have more questions for me
302
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,295
Than their pharmacist.
303
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,230
But they're family
and I love 'em.
304
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,632
The greatest generation.
305
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,567
Smother me before
I'm that age.
306
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:23,902
What are you two doing?
307
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,136
Oh, we're trying
to do it
308
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,638
Someplace naughty.
309
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,639
Not what I mean!
310
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,107
That-that is never
what I mean!
311
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:32,143
We're trying to sneak in
one last bang
312
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,145
'cause we're afraid
that the magic
313
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,281
Might fade
after we get married.
314
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,749
Are we being crazy?
315
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:40,018
That is what happened
with me and tom.
316
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,988
But it doesn't mean
it's gonna happen to you.
317
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,123
I won't let it.
318
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,625
Whoa-whoa, you can't
go out there.
319
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,093
It's suicide.
320
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,162
Consider it
your early wedding gift.
321
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,002
Why does the brother
always die first?
322
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,406
Aunt muriel!
323
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,049
Aunt muriel!
324
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,118
Aunt muriel?
325
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,119
James!
326
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:16,120
Where's tom?
327
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:17,789
I have a gay question for you.
328
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,025
How do you decide
which one...?
329
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,460
No, no...
330
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,495
No! He's gone, barney. He's gone.
331
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:25,563
James!
332
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,501
Okay, you go check out
333
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,036
The second floor
for open rooms.
334
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,905
I'm gonna go
check out the gym.
335
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,673
No, no, no, that
gym has a sauna!
336
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,343
You know my papa sid can't go
ten minutes without a schvitz!
337
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,410
What about the
gazebo out back?
338
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,845
Next to the lawn bowling court?
339
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,247
Get your head out of your ass.
340
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,182
It looks like they're casting
cocoon three out there.
341
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,150
Oh, what about
the business center?
342
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,186
A room full of computers?
That's perfect.
343
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:52,223
Technology is their
compression-sock-covered achilles heel!
344
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,559
Whoa.
What?
345
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,594
Stay safe, r-train.
You too, b-nasty.
346
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,695
Mmm...
Mmm...
347
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:58,763
Ah!
348
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,166
Ooh, my, I found waldo.
349
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,971
What's this list?
350
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,379
Whose is this?
351
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,248
Narrator:
I was faced with a tough call:
352
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,783
Come clean about chicago
353
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:21,052
Or cleverly lie my way
out of it.
354
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:24,789
Oh, well, you see...
355
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,124
Mouth words...
356
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,191
Memory times...
357
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,227
It's mine. It's my list.
358
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:32,063
It's everything I want to do
before I go to Italy.
359
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,300
Oh. You want to say good-bye
to the empire state building?
360
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:39,804
Sometimes I go
and I talk to empy.
361
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,872
That's kind of weird.
362
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,073
Is "weird" the right word?
363
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,875
Seems pretty
reasonable to me.
364
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:46,110
Maybe even kind of cool.
365
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,546
"have a drink
with my favorite students."
366
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,248
Lily, you taught kindergarten.
367
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:53,051
That does seem
pretty irresponsible.
368
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,720
"come clean about April 26."
369
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,822
You told ted
about our sword fight?
370
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,490
Wait- you-you guys
had a sword fight?
371
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,625
Maybe a tiny one.
372
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,094
I was pretending
to be mandy patinkin.
373
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,563
Patinkin.
374
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,572
But it was no big deal.
375
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,007
No big deal?
376
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,009
We destroyed
their 30-year glen mckenna
377
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,278
And replaced it with cheap
booze, ketchup and hand sanny.
378
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,279
I knew it!
379
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,280
You knew nothing!
380
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,316
Hello.
381
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,019
The third floor's a ghost town,
tons of empty rooms to bang in.
382
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,187
Hurry. I've started without you.
383
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,989
I mean, I love you.
384
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,956
Got to go.
385
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,524
Bye.
386
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:36,928
We made it.
387
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,966
Muriel:
Remind me to put
388
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:45,269
A five-dollar bill in
barney's wedding card,
389
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,338
You know,
to get 'em started.
390
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,811
Man:
No, elizabeth.
391
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,947
Leave the dentures in.
392
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:57,515
Woman:
Mmm!
393
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,019
Both:
I never want to have sex again.
394
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,121
Aw.
395
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,692
They broke our $600
bottle of scotch?
396
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,595
Well, I'm not wearing
this abomination anymore.
397
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,932
Put it back on.
398
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:27,078
I can't believe my great-
grandparents still do that.
399
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,746
I never imagined
a walker being used
400
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,915
For anything
other than walking.
401
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,885
Plus, how about those balls
dragging all over the ground?
402
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,053
Barney.
403
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,189
No, the tennis balls
on the bottom of the walker.
404
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,024
Oh.
405
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:44,195
Plus, his testicles were
swinging like a broken yo-yo.
406
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,364
Still, when you
think about it:
407
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,932
Married for 60 years
408
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,767
And they still want to
jump each other's bones.
409
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:54,038
I mean... It's
kind of sweet.
410
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,041
In 60 years,
that'll be us, right?
411
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,911
Yeah, it will.
412
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,116
So, what do you think, hmm?
413
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,918
On the count of three?
414
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,919
Hmm, okay.
415
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,420
Okay.
416
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,590
Both:
One, two, three.
417
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,659
Mandy patinkin.
418
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,629
Oh, wow.
Look at you.
419
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,064
Thank you for
making it...
420
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,033
We got lucky.
421
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:25,970
The farhampton liquor store
is actually pretty high-end.
422
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,539
Oh. And their security is a total joke.
423
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:32,710
Thanks.
424
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:37,115
And thanks for not telling robin
the list was mine.
425
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,050
But I don't get it.
426
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:40,451
You're so against me moving.
427
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,053
Why'd you help me out?
428
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:46,791
For a guy who loves new york
this much,
429
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:51,762
To leave it,
you must really need to go, huh?
430
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:54,999
Yeah, I really do.
431
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:59,437
Okay, but there's still
one item left on this list.
432
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,905
Time to check it off.
433
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,140
Yeah, I should
probably wait
434
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,341
For marshall.
435
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,377
Well, we both know
he may not get here in time.
436
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:10,081
Be honest.
437
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,150
Have you been avoiding barney?
438
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,753
Maybe a little.
439
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:19,190
This is the biggest weekend
of his life,
440
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:21,058
And you're his best bro.
441
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,095
No matter how awkward you feel,
442
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:28,799
I- if you're not there for him,
you will always regret it.
443
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,604
Okay.
444
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,439
Hey, ted.
Yeah.
445
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:40,678
You wrote down all these things
to say good-bye to,
446
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,881
But so many of them
are good things.
447
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,150
Why not just...
448
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,252
Say good-bye
to the bad things?
449
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:52,857
Say good-bye to all the times
you felt lost.
450
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,526
To all the times
451
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,629
It was a no instead of a yes.
452
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:03,534
To all the scrapes and bruises,
453
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,369
To all the heartache.
454
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,539
Say good-bye to everything
you really want
455
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,375
To do for the last time,
456
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,979
But don't go have
one last scotch with barney.
457
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:19,016
Have the first scotch
toasting barney's new life
458
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,051
Because that's
a good thing,
459
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,320
And the good things
460
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:25,089
Will always be here
waiting for you.
461
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,226
What?
462
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,628
Turn the page.
463
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,734
"get one last life lecture
from lily."
464
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,703
Well, you're dreaming
465
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,671
If you think
that's the last one of those.
466
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,088
Ah.
467
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,090
Been waiting for the
perfect time for this,
468
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,691
And, my friend,
that time is...
469
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,760
I saw you and robin
at the carousel.
470
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:06,197
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