1
00:00:02,276 --> 00:00:07,126
Okay, here's the text I added a few more
jokes, slamming Eagleton at the end.
2
00:00:07,158 --> 00:00:09,814
Mmm. That's the sexiest thing
you've ever said to me.
3
00:00:09,864 --> 00:00:11,195
I'm so glad you're on my team.
4
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:13,716
Are you sure you wanna attack
'em at this press conference?
5
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:16,348
It's a friendly wager on a
high school basketball game.
6
00:00:16,386 --> 00:00:18,236
I'm losing
the recall election, Ben.
7
00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:21,059
Slamming Eagleton is the easiest
way to score some points.
8
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,087
Look. Am I proud of it?
Yes.
9
00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:25,799
Because Eagleton sucks. But
is it the classiest move?
10
00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:27,430
Yes, because Eagleton sucks.
11
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,924
Would I do it again? Yes,
because Eagleton sucks.
12
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,923
This year, we get to host the
Pawnee-Eagleton tip-off classic.
13
00:00:33,942 --> 00:00:37,211
That awful human being
is Ingrid de Forest.
14
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:38,999
She's a city councilor
from Eagleton.
15
00:00:39,025 --> 00:00:43,055
She thinks she's so great because she
won the Miss Indiana Beauty Pageant.
16
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:45,711
Last year.
While she was in office.
17
00:00:45,736 --> 00:00:47,049
And pregnant.
18
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,559
As always, we would like to make
a friendly wager with Eagleton.
19
00:00:50,578 --> 00:00:54,442
If you beat us this year, we
will give you a basket of apples
20
00:00:54,483 --> 00:00:57,635
- from our Pawnee orchard.
- Ew, pesticide. Yuck.
21
00:00:57,714 --> 00:00:59,463
Oh, no, these
are pesticide-free.
22
00:00:59,495 --> 00:01:02,516
I ate one of these for breakfast this
morning, and I found a worm in it.
23
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:05,987
So, I bet somebody feels
pretty stupid right now.
24
00:01:06,046 --> 00:01:09,259
Well, Leslie, I think
we had similar ideas.
25
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:13,748
If you win, Eagleton will give
you this basket of oranges.
26
00:01:13,761 --> 00:01:14,779
[Chuckles]
27
00:01:14,791 --> 00:01:18,648
Of course, it's silly to compare
apples and oranges, but what the heck.
28
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:22,562
These are made of Swarovski crystal,
and they're worth $700,000.
29
00:01:22,612 --> 00:01:26,945
Leslie, you're down 15 points in the
latest poll for the recall election.
30
00:01:26,976 --> 00:01:28,501
What can you do
to make up the deficit?
31
00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:30,670
I'll tell you what I'd do
if I was an Eagletonian.
32
00:01:30,714 --> 00:01:33,326
I'd pop a Xanax and ask
my butler to help me out.
33
00:01:33,362 --> 00:01:35,879
[Laughter]
34
00:01:35,949 --> 00:01:38,978
I mean, I'm not saying that
Eagletonians are out of touch.
35
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,061
But when you tell 'em it's time
to change their oil, they ask,
36
00:01:42,081 --> 00:01:43,932
"Extra virgin
or white truffle?"
37
00:01:43,958 --> 00:01:45,124
[Laughter]
38
00:01:45,151 --> 00:01:46,526
Thanks, guys.
I'll see ya at the game.
39
00:01:46,545 --> 00:01:48,154
Unless, of course,
you're an Eagletonian,
40
00:01:48,177 --> 00:01:51,844
and then you'll be too busy polishing
your monocle at the caviar store.
41
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,282
Knope out.
[Microphone feedback]
42
00:01:53,307 --> 00:01:54,356
[Laughter]
43
00:01:54,651 --> 00:01:55,576
Yeah.
44
00:01:55,601 --> 00:01:58,585
[Triumphant music]
45
00:01:58,597 --> 00:02:06,503
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
46
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,145
Who or what is Penny Saver?
47
00:02:19,177 --> 00:02:21,414
It's a free circular with
a bunch of coupons in it.
48
00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:25,183
This was sent to Ron Swanson
at Diane's address,
49
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:27,515
where I've lived
for less than a month.
50
00:02:27,652 --> 00:02:29,133
How is that possible?
51
00:02:29,202 --> 00:02:31,702
This is an extreme invasion
of privacy.
52
00:02:31,742 --> 00:02:34,692
The right to privacy is
very important to me.
53
00:02:34,718 --> 00:02:38,968
My family has had a single P.O.
box for several generations.
54
00:02:39,031 --> 00:02:43,857
We only ever subscribe to two
magazines, Reader's Digest and Ebony.
55
00:02:44,353 --> 00:02:46,303
Ebony was due
to a clerical error,
56
00:02:46,328 --> 00:02:49,315
but it ended up being
an interesting year of reading.
57
00:02:49,541 --> 00:02:53,041
I don't know how this was delivered
to me, but it cannot happen again.
58
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,241
How can I stop it?
59
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,747
Mm. Donna is great
with this sort of thing.
60
00:02:56,773 --> 00:03:00,423
She got me off the Williams-Sonoma mailing
list, but then I just signed back up again.
61
00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:03,122
Hooked on their oven mitts. I
need my mitts on those mitts.
62
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,867
Let me know the second
Donna returns.
63
00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:07,902
According to her Twitter feed,
she got coffee five minutes ago.
64
00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:14,653
Wait, now she's Ustreaming her walk back.
She should be here in three, two, one.
65
00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:16,509
Both: Hey, hey.
66
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,637
Hashtag quest for coffee,
blowin' up my timeline.
67
00:03:19,656 --> 00:03:20,846
You get my snapchat about it?
68
00:03:20,856 --> 00:03:22,431
- No.
- What?
69
00:03:23,063 --> 00:03:24,632
There it is.
70
00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:28,032
- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- I did.
71
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,628
- Think fast.
- Oh, my God.
72
00:03:29,837 --> 00:03:32,432
Hey, Dr. Buttons--
73
00:03:32,507 --> 00:03:35,101
I mean, my old calculator.
It doesn't have a name.
74
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,231
Why did you throw this at me?
75
00:03:36,254 --> 00:03:38,734
I just got off the phone with
our old boss from Indianapolis,
76
00:03:38,757 --> 00:03:41,913
and apparently there may be some sort
of a budget problem in Eagleton.
77
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:46,653
He asked if maybe you and
I wouldn't have a look.
78
00:03:46,909 --> 00:03:47,647
You in?
79
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:51,841
Butch Count-sidy and the
Sum-dance Kid, together again.
80
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,139
Both: Hmm.
- Auditing bros!
81
00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:00,771
Yeah, and auditing sistah.
Let's do this.
82
00:04:01,270 --> 00:04:02,201
Oh, you're coming?
83
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:04,214
If there's a problem with
Eagleton, I wanna be there.
84
00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,818
That's like a dream come true.
85
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:08,235
Besides, I have a new routine
I'm working on.
86
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:11,010
Kind of like a Jeff Foxworthy-type
thing, but about Eagleton.
87
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:14,676
[Southern accent] If you make
your omelet out of Faberge eggs,
88
00:04:14,716 --> 00:04:17,517
you just might...
Both: Be an Eagletonian.
89
00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:19,963
Yippee! Road trip!
90
00:04:19,989 --> 00:04:21,333
Who's excited to
go to Bloomington?
91
00:04:21,358 --> 00:04:22,933
Is that where you're gonna sit?
92
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:25,055
I'm driving.
Where else would I sit?
93
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:26,073
Trunk.
94
00:04:26,095 --> 00:04:29,373
I helped April get into vet school in
Bloomington and today's her orientation,
95
00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:31,290
so we're taking
a little road trip.
96
00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:34,095
While I'm there, I'm also gonna
pick up an organic baby blanket.
97
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:36,469
I would get one in
Pawnee, but fun fact--
98
00:04:36,488 --> 00:04:39,876
our only baby store is attached
to a chemical refinery.
99
00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:42,874
I made a special road
trip mix CD for us.
100
00:04:42,894 --> 00:04:45,895
- I hope you like Tori Amos.
- Oh, cool.
101
00:04:49,143 --> 00:04:52,419
It really is a pleasure to see
you in this context, Ingrid.
102
00:04:52,481 --> 00:04:54,293
Say cheese.
103
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,098
Damn it.
You look beautiful.
104
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,793
Can you give us a
little more information
105
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,673
surrounding the deficits
that you're running this year?
106
00:04:59,692 --> 00:05:01,194
Ooh, gosh.
107
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,999
We don't really like
to talk about
108
00:05:04,023 --> 00:05:04,936
[whispers]
money.
109
00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:06,661
We find a little gauche.
110
00:05:06,691 --> 00:05:08,410
This is a budget meeting.
111
00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:11,154
Well, most of our files are in these
boxes if you really wanna take a look
112
00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:12,903
at how much that we've spent.
113
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,940
Why don't we just dig in and
see what we're up against?
114
00:05:14,962 --> 00:05:17,118
Yes. And thank you.
115
00:05:17,156 --> 00:05:19,362
We really appreciate your help.
116
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,319
Are you tipping me?
117
00:05:21,358 --> 00:05:22,870
Is that 100...
118
00:05:22,895 --> 00:05:24,395
Euros?
119
00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:27,408
People ought to have
the right to be left alone.
120
00:05:27,435 --> 00:05:29,585
I wanna get completely
off the grid.
121
00:05:29,598 --> 00:05:30,941
That's crazy talk.
122
00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:32,387
I live for the grid.
123
00:05:32,411 --> 00:05:34,421
It's where I meet
40% of my jump-offs.
124
00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:36,699
And if you're off the grid,
how are you gonna post photos
125
00:05:36,716 --> 00:05:39,775
of the dope food at restaurants you're at
and all the cool places you're stuntin' in?
126
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,246
Food is for eating.
127
00:05:41,272 --> 00:05:43,619
Places are for being.
End of discussion.
128
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,288
Don't leave the grid, Ron.
The grid is the best.
129
00:05:45,299 --> 00:05:47,851
If anything, you need
to get more on the grid.
130
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,576
Both: Grid, grid, grid,
grid, grid, grid, grid--
131
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,279
If you help me get off the grid, I
will let both of you go home early.
132
00:05:54,473 --> 00:05:58,368
Both: No grid, no grid,
no grid, no grid.
133
00:05:58,541 --> 00:06:00,666
All right, so you have everything
you need for orientation?
134
00:06:00,698 --> 00:06:05,443
Yeah, an empty Sprite can, an old
man's fingernail in my pocket,
135
00:06:05,461 --> 00:06:08,939
and a picture of Patrick
Ewing on a roller coaster.
136
00:06:08,947 --> 00:06:10,584
- I'm all set.
- Great.
137
00:06:10,628 --> 00:06:13,847
Hi. My friend here is enrolling
in the vet school next month,
138
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,563
and she would like
to be shown around.
139
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,464
Totally, happy to.
I'm Laura.
140
00:06:17,473 --> 00:06:19,733
I'm April Ludgate Kevorkian.
141
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:23,464
So you go with Laura, who seems really
nice and does not deserve to be tortured.
142
00:06:23,476 --> 00:06:26,704
And I will come meet up with you
after I finish at the baby store.
143
00:06:26,717 --> 00:06:28,257
Sure you wanna
leave me here with her?
144
00:06:28,277 --> 00:06:29,506
What if I'm a murderer?
145
00:06:29,532 --> 00:06:31,932
[Laughs]
Oh, that's funny.
146
00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:34,541
This is worse than I
could've imagined.
147
00:06:34,582 --> 00:06:36,719
Their debt-to-equity ratio
is ridonkulous.
148
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:38,665
[Laughs]
What a hilarious word.
149
00:06:38,696 --> 00:06:40,837
It reminds me
of a ridiculous donkey.
150
00:06:40,962 --> 00:06:42,838
- He's the best.
- What does this mean for them?
151
00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:46,464
They were in financial trouble a
few years ago, like Pawnee was,
152
00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:49,377
but their government just
kept borrowing money.
153
00:06:49,453 --> 00:06:53,162
Eagleton is on the brink of
an epic financial disaster.
154
00:06:53,184 --> 00:06:54,581
Ahh.
155
00:06:56,394 --> 00:06:58,320
Now that is the sexiest thing
you've ever said to me.
156
00:06:58,352 --> 00:06:59,289
Really, that?
157
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,771
This is gonna hand me
the recall election.
158
00:07:01,802 --> 00:07:03,440
I saved Pawnee from bankruptcy.
159
00:07:03,451 --> 00:07:06,949
Now I get to remind people of that
fact as we watch our worst enemy
160
00:07:06,977 --> 00:07:09,194
collapse into bankruptcy.
161
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,420
Plus, guess what I get
to do after the game now.
162
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,432
You pretend you're Ingrid.
163
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:15,333
Let's pretend this box is the basket
of apples I bet them on the game.
164
00:07:15,362 --> 00:07:16,575
I see where
you're going with this.
165
00:07:16,593 --> 00:07:17,954
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, you're gonna ask me
166
00:07:17,982 --> 00:07:19,281
- if I like apples--
- Do you like apples?
167
00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,537
- We just watched this movie two nights
ago, so... - Do you like apples?
168
00:07:21,547 --> 00:07:24,817
- I don't wanna do this.
- How about them apples? [Laughs]
169
00:07:25,854 --> 00:07:28,755
Paul, if you ever see another one
of these with my name on it,
170
00:07:28,774 --> 00:07:30,970
I want you to drive
into the woods and bury it.
171
00:07:30,995 --> 00:07:33,790
I don't decide who gets mail, sir.
I just deliver it.
172
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,214
Passing the buck--
173
00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:38,470
the last refuge of the
cowardly and black-hearted.
174
00:07:38,532 --> 00:07:40,676
- That seems harsh.
- Get out.
175
00:07:40,814 --> 00:07:42,613
We got rid of your cell phone.
176
00:07:42,624 --> 00:07:44,796
This is your last credit card.
177
00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:47,270
Are you sure you want
me to cut up this card?
178
00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:48,790
It gets you into
the parking garage.
179
00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:52,115
I'll be taking the bus now,
and I'll be paying in cash.
180
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:56,135
What other traces of me exist
in the world? Think, people.
181
00:07:56,271 --> 00:07:59,500
Isn't there a photo of you up at JJ's
diner, from that time when you-- aah!
182
00:07:59,528 --> 00:08:00,861
Come on, Tom!
183
00:08:01,131 --> 00:08:04,722
This place is unbelievable.
It has everything I need:
184
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:07,806
Video monitors,
lead-free pacifiers.
185
00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:11,708
These are the first bibs I've ever seen
without Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s face on them.
186
00:08:11,727 --> 00:08:13,367
Really?
187
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:15,491
April?
188
00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:16,803
Excuse me, sorry.
189
00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:19,100
April, why aren't you
at orientation?
190
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,060
Um, I was at orientation,
but it was lame, so I left.
191
00:08:22,089 --> 00:08:24,208
And then I kept walking,
and now here I am.
192
00:08:24,228 --> 00:08:26,164
We are going back there
right now, young lady.
193
00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:27,792
- Mm-mm.
- Come on.
194
00:08:28,126 --> 00:08:30,107
God, get off me, stranger.
195
00:08:30,131 --> 00:08:33,540
I'm so sorry we're late. We came
from our bankruptcy brunch.
196
00:08:33,565 --> 00:08:35,964
And Michael Buble played,
but he ran a little long.
197
00:08:35,978 --> 00:08:37,177
I love Michael Buble.
198
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,293
Was a bankruptcy
brunch the best idea?
199
00:08:39,314 --> 00:08:40,878
Sure, let's not have brunch...
200
00:08:40,928 --> 00:08:42,391
[Chuckles]
like animals.
201
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,450
Well, um, some of these
expenditures are questionable.
202
00:08:46,828 --> 00:08:49,420
Uh, you filled the public pools
with bottled water?
203
00:08:49,444 --> 00:08:51,905
- Total body hydration.
- What is this here?
204
00:08:51,923 --> 00:08:54,882
This massive expenditure
from public works?
205
00:08:55,006 --> 00:08:56,783
Ah, yes. Well, yes.
206
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:59,446
We purchased HBO
for the whole town.
207
00:08:59,796 --> 00:09:03,347
I'm sorry. You spent government
money on a TV subscription?
208
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,120
It's not TV.
209
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:09,356
Al right. Uh, Leslie's put together a
presentation for a financial recovery.
210
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:10,058
Great.
211
00:09:10,079 --> 00:09:11,623
You may find it
very informative.
212
00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:13,643
Let's get started
with our first slide.
213
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,961
"Well, well, well..."
214
00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:18,612
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
215
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:24,377
JJ, a few months ago, I came
in here and began eating eggs.
216
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,958
They were delicious, so I ordered more.
Before long, I believe I had eaten--
217
00:09:27,975 --> 00:09:30,216
51 eggs in 20 minutes.
218
00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:33,013
Couldn't cook 'em fast enough. The
last ten were still in the shell.
219
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,094
It was a JJ's Diner record,
and you took his picture.
220
00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:39,019
Now, we need that picture,
for privacy reasons.
221
00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:42,902
Okay, but I don't know how
anybody would know it's you.
222
00:09:43,005 --> 00:09:45,435
We followed your instructions.
223
00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:48,641
That's too much information.
224
00:09:49,617 --> 00:09:50,542
Let's go.
225
00:09:50,562 --> 00:09:51,500
Where are we going now?
226
00:09:51,521 --> 00:09:55,107
I've eaten a lot of food
in a lot of restaurants.
227
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,464
Why is everyone else
so bad at eating?
228
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,334
I only agreed to come back
here because of our deal.
229
00:10:01,355 --> 00:10:02,864
Do you promise to play along?
230
00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:03,802
- Yes.
- Do you?
231
00:10:03,822 --> 00:10:05,843
- Yes.
- Hi, you're back.
232
00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:07,134
Hello again.
233
00:10:07,194 --> 00:10:11,828
As you remember, I'm April, and this
is Ann, my 65-year-old grandmother.
234
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,396
Yes, that's who I am.
235
00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:15,186
Anyway, we'd love to
hear about Bloomington.
236
00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:18,088
It seems like a real hip
kind of college town.
237
00:10:18,116 --> 00:10:21,136
Mee-maw, God, no one uses
the word hip anymore.
238
00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:24,839
Sometimes I wish you went down on the
Titanic with all your sorority sisters.
239
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:27,158
I would be happy to show you
guys around the campus.
240
00:10:27,171 --> 00:10:29,104
Is there anything in
particular that you wanna see?
241
00:10:29,126 --> 00:10:31,316
How are your local graveyards?
242
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,632
[Whispers]
I have some planning to do.
243
00:10:34,281 --> 00:10:35,557
"You blew it.
244
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,088
"Super hard.
245
00:10:37,181 --> 00:10:38,948
"Complete buffoonery.
246
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,488
It's hilarious." And
"You deserve it."
247
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,743
Hey, you think you might wanna
take it easy on them a little bit?
248
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:47,034
Oh, like they took it easy on us
when they stole all our money
249
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:50,565
- and seceded from our town?
- That was 200 years ago. Cool it.
250
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,489
Fine. I'll skip ahead.
251
00:10:52,542 --> 00:10:54,777
Do you have a plan
that will help us or not?
252
00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,318
We have borrowed absolutely
everything we can from the state.
253
00:10:57,343 --> 00:11:00,137
And really,
Pawnee is our only hope.
254
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,390
We do have a plan.
255
00:11:01,406 --> 00:11:06,026
We are willing to provide
a bridge loan for $50,000.
256
00:11:06,053 --> 00:11:08,829
25% interest
compounded monthly.
257
00:11:08,854 --> 00:11:12,273
And you need to release a statement that
says that Pawnee rules and Eagleton drools.
258
00:11:12,298 --> 00:11:14,092
Well, now you're just
being nasty.
259
00:11:14,231 --> 00:11:17,543
I understand that our towns
have a complicated history, but
260
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:20,031
we have a saying in Eagleton...
261
00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:23,787
"You don't kick a dressage horse
after a failed pas de deux."
262
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:24,901
Whatever, blondie.
263
00:11:24,923 --> 00:11:27,018
Your butler made your bed,
now you gotta lie in it.
264
00:11:27,035 --> 00:11:30,601
And if you walk out that door, none
of us here, and I repeat, none of us
265
00:11:30,612 --> 00:11:32,705
will ever help you again.
266
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:33,869
Oh, my God.
267
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,907
They have Michael
Buble on retainer.
268
00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:38,928
Okay, all public photos
of me recovered.
269
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:41,579
Nameplate removed
from my office door.
270
00:11:41,596 --> 00:11:46,115
Pediatrician files
confiscated and destroyed.
271
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:48,130
- Anything I'm missing?
- Great news, Ron.
272
00:11:48,157 --> 00:11:49,959
Jean-Ralphio
loves your shirt.
273
00:11:49,989 --> 00:11:51,283
What the hell
are you talking about?
274
00:11:51,301 --> 00:11:54,056
Oh, I've been taking pictures of you
all day for my new Facebook album:
275
00:11:54,108 --> 00:11:56,821
"RonSwan: Gettin' off the grid."
276
00:11:57,294 --> 00:11:58,557
Tom,
277
00:11:58,566 --> 00:12:02,307
do you maybe see a problem
with what you've done?
278
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:07,328
I do now.
Yes, sorry.
279
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,211
Erase.
280
00:12:09,803 --> 00:12:12,311
Erase. Erase.
281
00:12:12,434 --> 00:12:14,682
Erase all pictures of Ron!
282
00:12:14,718 --> 00:12:17,563
Erase all pictures of Ron!
283
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,588
Erase all pictures of Ron!
284
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,171
What the hell is happening?
285
00:12:22,179 --> 00:12:24,076
I think you accidentally
opened up Vine.
286
00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,167
You just vined your
first selfie, Ron.
287
00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:28,089
And I'm vining you
vine your selfie.
288
00:12:28,104 --> 00:12:30,446
The world is a nightmare.
289
00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:33,327
[Both laughing]
290
00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:37,006
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Erase all pictures of Ron!
291
00:12:37,107 --> 00:12:39,538
All: Erase all pictures of Ron!
292
00:12:39,607 --> 00:12:40,507
[Laughs]
293
00:12:40,532 --> 00:12:44,082
The B-line is a cool outdoor trail
that cuts right through downtown.
294
00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:46,877
She said the B-line
is cool, Mee-maw.
295
00:12:46,888 --> 00:12:48,458
Cool means good.
296
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,654
Thank you, Laura,
for showing us around.
297
00:12:50,678 --> 00:12:51,677
Sure.
298
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,921
See you in a couple
weeks, April.
299
00:12:54,323 --> 00:12:56,407
See?
This place is great.
300
00:12:56,436 --> 00:12:59,577
- Aren't you glad we came back and
talked to her? - No. It was pointless.
301
00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:02,808
- I'm not going to school here.
- April, don't flake out on this.
302
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,089
You're gonna love it here.
Bloomington is great.
303
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:08,735
It's got culture and music
and tons of youngsters.
304
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,629
Youngsters?
Am I 65 years old?
305
00:13:11,664 --> 00:13:15,370
Yeah, I'm not going here.
I don't want to. Let's leave.
306
00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:20,175
- Think fast.
- Oh!
307
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:23,775
Why do people keep assuming
I'm ready to catch things?
308
00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:26,403
"Eagleton:
No money, mo' problems."
309
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:27,598
Fantastic, right?
310
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,798
I made enough of them for
everybody to wear at the game.
311
00:13:29,805 --> 00:13:31,475
I do like
a good internal rhyme.
312
00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:34,074
Ben, you ready for dinner? We
can go over the poll numbers.
313
00:13:34,155 --> 00:13:36,004
Oh... you know,
314
00:13:36,021 --> 00:13:39,110
I've got a few phone calls to make.
Can you give me an hour?
315
00:13:39,399 --> 00:13:40,948
I can meet you there.
316
00:13:41,558 --> 00:13:43,240
Oh, my God.
317
00:13:43,946 --> 00:13:45,569
- What is she doing here?
- I'm sorry, Leslie,
318
00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:47,425
but you didn't really
help them very much,
319
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:50,179
so we volunteered to give them
a little financial advice.
320
00:13:50,209 --> 00:13:52,261
You didn't actually
help us at all.
321
00:13:52,462 --> 00:13:54,804
- Just one second.
- Yeah.
322
00:13:55,155 --> 00:13:57,049
I'm just gonna help
them out, okay?
323
00:13:57,074 --> 00:13:58,894
- Mm.
- Just for an hour.
324
00:13:58,915 --> 00:14:00,531
He's just being
a good neighbor.
325
00:14:00,544 --> 00:14:03,288
- We're in a lot of trouble, Leslie.
- I don't need any lip from you, okay?
326
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,205
You're in trouble because
of your own stupidity.
327
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:05,960
[Scoffs]
328
00:14:06,009 --> 00:14:07,929
I have a PhD from the Sorbonne.
329
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:12,232
- For what? Wearing Chanel suits?
- There was a fashion component, yes.
330
00:14:12,631 --> 00:14:14,056
I'm not mad that
you're doing this.
331
00:14:14,066 --> 00:14:15,848
Yes, I am mad
that you're doing this.
332
00:14:15,879 --> 00:14:18,291
But even worse, I'm mad that you just
lied to me about it. - Okay, I'm sorry.
333
00:14:18,308 --> 00:14:21,146
We all swore that we weren't
gonna ever help her again, ever.
334
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:22,434
I never said that.
You did.
335
00:14:22,454 --> 00:14:24,856
I speak for all of
us in all matters.
336
00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:27,272
That is what you tacitly agreed
to when you married me. - What?
337
00:14:27,295 --> 00:14:29,446
Yeah, let's go. You've
changed your mind.
338
00:14:29,461 --> 00:14:30,514
You're not gonna
help her anymore.
339
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:33,433
Leslie, I just wanna borrow
your husband for the evening.
340
00:14:36,728 --> 00:14:39,044
Can we please talk about what happened
back there?
341
00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:41,106
What, Ann? I just stole your phone
342
00:14:41,126 --> 00:14:43,482
and texted every guy in it
that the baby was theirs.
343
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:44,915
It's not that big of a deal.
344
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:48,608
Listen, I know you don't believe
this, but I care about your future.
345
00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,493
And I'm just
a little disappointed
346
00:14:50,504 --> 00:14:52,544
that you're just not
following through with this.
347
00:14:52,564 --> 00:14:55,327
Yeah, it's not about
following through, okay?
348
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,310
I was on the fence about
whether I wanted to do it.
349
00:14:57,344 --> 00:15:00,023
And as soon as I
got there, I just
350
00:15:00,036 --> 00:15:02,394
had a gut feeling that it wasn't
right for me, that's all.
351
00:15:02,410 --> 00:15:05,532
So, just like that, boom--huge
life decision made?
352
00:15:05,551 --> 00:15:07,689
That's how I make
all my life decisions.
353
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,945
My gut is always right, okay?
354
00:15:10,122 --> 00:15:12,826
It was right about marrying Andy,
and it was right when it told me
355
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:15,628
that you would be the worst person
I would ever meet in my life.
356
00:15:15,771 --> 00:15:17,752
And I've met Guy Fieri, Ann.
357
00:15:17,846 --> 00:15:18,646
[Chuckles]
358
00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:20,483
So gross!
359
00:15:20,549 --> 00:15:22,275
How do you get your gut
to talk to you?
360
00:15:22,301 --> 00:15:26,545
You don't get your gut to talk to you.
You just listen when it says something.
361
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:27,939
Well,
362
00:15:27,964 --> 00:15:29,266
right now my gut is saying
363
00:15:29,285 --> 00:15:32,573
that we are going to listen to
Mariah Carey the whole way home.
364
00:15:32,609 --> 00:15:34,192
[Vocalizing over radio]
365
00:15:34,256 --> 00:15:36,660
- Good.
- [Ann vocalizing]
366
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:39,832
[Whistle blows]
367
00:15:43,513 --> 00:15:45,314
[Cheers and applause]
368
00:15:47,284 --> 00:15:50,690
Whoa. Wow, I'm really surprised you're
sitting on this side of the bleachers
369
00:15:50,709 --> 00:15:53,364
and not on the Eagleton side
with your new girlfriend Ingrid.
370
00:15:53,409 --> 00:15:55,428
Leslie, I'm just
trying to help them.
371
00:15:55,469 --> 00:15:58,330
Why? They wouldn't help us
if the tables were turned.
372
00:15:58,353 --> 00:16:01,483
I mean, they're 50 points ahead,
and they're still dunking.
373
00:16:01,496 --> 00:16:05,960
I mean, look at this guy. There's
no way he is in high school.
374
00:16:06,910 --> 00:16:09,120
And I'm better
at French horn too, Eric.
375
00:16:09,153 --> 00:16:11,860
[Whistle blows]
[Crowd booing]
376
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,277
People are gonna
lose their jobs, Leslie.
377
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,771
And the recovery
will take years.
378
00:16:16,790 --> 00:16:20,196
Deep down, I think you
feel bad for them.
379
00:16:20,216 --> 00:16:22,529
Okay, I do a little, yes.
380
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,551
And I'm sorry that I blew up
at you yesterday.
381
00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:27,536
With all the recall stuff
happening,
382
00:16:27,561 --> 00:16:29,605
I just really need to feel
like you're on my team,
383
00:16:29,628 --> 00:16:32,577
and seeing you with them
384
00:16:32,877 --> 00:16:34,653
made me feel like you weren't.
385
00:16:34,724 --> 00:16:36,533
I'm always gonna be
on your team.
386
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:38,901
You never have to worry
about that.
387
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:40,746
[Crowd chanting]
Defense!
388
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,316
All: Oh!
389
00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:46,626
Eagleton player number
seven, injured on the play.
390
00:16:46,742 --> 00:16:48,467
Official time-out.
391
00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:50,113
Oh, God.
392
00:16:50,241 --> 00:16:51,710
I'm gonna say something.
393
00:16:51,737 --> 00:16:55,677
And if I throw up on you after I say
it, just know that you've been warned.
394
00:16:55,841 --> 00:16:58,022
I know how we can
help Eagleton.
395
00:16:59,411 --> 00:17:01,273
I don't see what the problem is.
396
00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:05,589
I will give you a certain amount of gold
in exchange for a recreational vehicle.
397
00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:08,118
I still need an address
for insurance purposes.
398
00:17:08,143 --> 00:17:09,893
This will be my new home.
399
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:13,248
The address is
wherever it is parked.
400
00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:15,824
Where have you been?
401
00:17:15,854 --> 00:17:19,275
I had a flat tire, and I've been trying
to get in touch with you for hours.
402
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:20,540
Sorry, darling.
403
00:17:20,565 --> 00:17:23,272
I've been busy destroying
most of my personal effects
404
00:17:23,296 --> 00:17:25,646
and threatening
a postal worker.
405
00:17:26,138 --> 00:17:29,878
Ron, I know you value your privacy, but
you are a husband and a father now.
406
00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:33,762
You can't just roam the streets in
an RV and be impossible to find.
407
00:17:33,773 --> 00:17:35,746
I'm on a mission
to get off the grid.
408
00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:39,426
Well, you don't have to be entirely on
the grid, but have to be on our grid.
409
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:42,791
I suppose you wouldn't
consider moving.
410
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:48,087
I've heard the school system in the tunnels
beneath Yucca Mountain is adequate.
411
00:17:48,182 --> 00:17:51,779
I love you, but your solution to every
problem is to live inside a mountain.
412
00:17:52,062 --> 00:17:53,606
I love you too.
413
00:17:55,025 --> 00:17:56,512
Okay, one more time.
414
00:17:56,531 --> 00:17:59,199
Are you absolutely sure you
wanna go through with this?
415
00:17:59,351 --> 00:18:03,706
A lot of people are gonna get angry, and
you might lose the recall election.
416
00:18:03,729 --> 00:18:06,707
Or, if I pull it off,
I just might win.
417
00:18:06,749 --> 00:18:11,333
Plus, a very smart member of my team
pointed out it's the right thing to do.
418
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,389
Good morning.
419
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:14,395
After an all-night
strategy session,
420
00:18:14,432 --> 00:18:18,491
the towns of Pawnee and Eagleton have
come up with a potential solution
421
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,513
to Eagleton's budget crisis.
422
00:18:20,625 --> 00:18:23,099
The town of Eagleton
will be dissolved
423
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,384
and re-absorbed into Pawnee.
424
00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:26,789
[Exclamations]
425
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,252
Pawnee will provide
some government services,
426
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,461
as well as taking on some
of Eagleton's debts.
427
00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:33,651
[Murmuring, commotion]
428
00:18:33,672 --> 00:18:34,741
I understand.
429
00:18:34,764 --> 00:18:37,089
Look, I hate Eagletonians
as much as you do.
430
00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:40,992
I hate their stupid beautiful faces
and their stupid shiny hair.
431
00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:42,158
We looked at every alternative.
432
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:45,339
This is the only scenario that
prevents Eagleton's financial crisis
433
00:18:45,365 --> 00:18:47,118
from spiraling throughout
the entire region.
434
00:18:47,135 --> 00:18:48,947
Eagleton is terrible!
435
00:18:49,013 --> 00:18:51,170
Why should I bail them out
with the hard-earned money
436
00:18:51,181 --> 00:18:52,566
from my unemployment check?
437
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:55,080
- All: Yeah!
- Because they are our neighbor
438
00:18:55,114 --> 00:18:56,507
and they've sprained
their ankle.
439
00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:59,809
And when your neighbor sprains his
ankle, you help him off the court.
440
00:18:59,881 --> 00:19:02,099
I understand you have concerns
and questions,
441
00:19:02,123 --> 00:19:04,140
and we are here
to listen to them.
442
00:19:04,192 --> 00:19:06,122
[Overlapping chatter]
I got something to say.
443
00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:07,502
One at a time, please.
444
00:19:07,535 --> 00:19:10,341
- I hate the one-at-a-time system!
- Why should we bail them out?
445
00:19:10,361 --> 00:19:12,433
No one bailed me out
when I got arrested for arson.
446
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,649
You can't just merge two towns.
447
00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:16,310
It's against the rules
of nature.
448
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,715
What's next--
merging a man with his dog?
449
00:19:18,738 --> 00:19:19,876
I live in Eagleton.
450
00:19:19,895 --> 00:19:23,280
And frankly, I don't like the
idea of living in Pawnee.
451
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,618
They're a little--
oh, what's the word?
452
00:19:25,736 --> 00:19:27,069
Have-no-money.
453
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,578
[Exclamations]
454
00:19:28,676 --> 00:19:30,756
Bertram, that's enough.
455
00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:34,550
First of all,
Eagleton has no money.
456
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:38,453
Second of all, they are gracious
enough to throw us a lifeline,
457
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,331
and we should be eternally
grateful for their generosity.
458
00:19:41,634 --> 00:19:43,653
They're a town of angels--
459
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,289
greasy, denim-clad angels,
460
00:19:46,312 --> 00:19:48,029
but angels nonetheless.
461
00:19:48,050 --> 00:19:49,866
Yeah, we'll take it.
462
00:19:51,236 --> 00:19:53,505
I mean, did you steal
this from a museum?
463
00:19:53,545 --> 00:19:55,045
Maybe find it frozen in ice?
464
00:19:55,077 --> 00:19:57,996
It looks like the original phone
from the movie Wall Street.
465
00:19:58,017 --> 00:20:00,573
I think it's just the
original phone, period.
466
00:20:00,771 --> 00:20:03,725
Ew, gross,
it has "buttons."
467
00:20:04,082 --> 00:20:06,738
Okay, girls, this is
a magic phone, okay?
468
00:20:06,762 --> 00:20:08,244
Only you and I have
got the numbers.
469
00:20:08,265 --> 00:20:10,657
So if you ever need
Ron for any reason,
470
00:20:10,672 --> 00:20:12,303
you just call and
he'll be there in a flash.
471
00:20:12,329 --> 00:20:14,611
Yes, I will. I'll
keep it right here.
472
00:20:14,629 --> 00:20:16,496
It snaps right in,
snug and secure.
473
00:20:16,522 --> 00:20:18,195
A cell phone belt clip?
474
00:20:18,228 --> 00:20:20,166
No, Ron. Oh, my God!
475
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,539
Yeah, I can't be seen with you.
476
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,357
Travelin' Ann Perkins!
How was Bloomington?
477
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,328
It was amazing.
478
00:20:27,347 --> 00:20:30,820
They had all the baby supplies we need,
and they had all this other cool stuff.
479
00:20:30,837 --> 00:20:35,923
They had a bike-sharing program and
a vegan Afghan restaurant and--
480
00:20:36,499 --> 00:20:37,834
Oh, my God.
I'm having one.
481
00:20:37,909 --> 00:20:39,840
- I'm having one right now.
- A contraction?
482
00:20:39,855 --> 00:20:41,876
No. Dude, I'm, like,
three months pregnant.
483
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,212
I-I know.
I'm just so excited.
484
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:47,607
The thing I'm having
is a gut feeling.
485
00:20:48,075 --> 00:20:52,075
What would you think about raising our
child somewhere other than Pawnee?
486
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:58,053
Thank you, Leslie, from
all of us in Eagleton.
487
00:20:58,338 --> 00:21:00,832
Our citizens owe you
a debt of gratitude.
488
00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:02,281
Well, I think
at the end of the day,
489
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,569
everybody realizes
it's something we have to do.
490
00:21:04,603 --> 00:21:06,066
On the bright side,
491
00:21:06,086 --> 00:21:07,705
we did win the basketball game.
492
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,492
I think you owe us some apples.
493
00:21:09,511 --> 00:21:11,736
- You better pay up.
- Oh, you don't want them.
494
00:21:11,747 --> 00:21:13,631
All of Pawnee's apples
have been recalled--
495
00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,898
- g. Coli.
- You mean e. Coli?
496
00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:18,660
I wish. Way easier to treat.
497
00:21:19,518 --> 00:21:21,425
Welcome to Pawnee!
498
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:29,549
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther