1
00:00:01,771 --> 00:00:04,406
(thunder crashing)
2
00:00:04,441 --> 00:00:06,108
(electrical crackling,
bird squawks)
3
00:00:08,912 --> 00:00:10,212
(moaning growls)
4
00:00:13,149 --> 00:00:14,883
(bellows)
5
00:00:15,985 --> 00:00:17,886
(moaning)
6
00:00:17,921 --> 00:00:19,722
(gasps)
7
00:00:20,957 --> 00:00:22,958
(electrical crackling)
8
00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:25,294
(grunts)
9
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,568
(suspenseful music plays)
10
00:00:32,602 --> 00:00:33,669
(birds cawing)
11
00:00:33,703 --> 00:00:35,704
(yelling)
12
00:00:41,945 --> 00:00:43,212
(gasps)
13
00:00:47,984 --> 00:00:48,984
(grunting)
14
00:00:49,018 --> 00:00:51,420
(whistle blows)
15
00:00:52,655 --> 00:00:54,790
(shrieks)
16
00:00:54,824 --> 00:00:56,024
(screams)
17
00:01:00,663 --> 00:01:02,197
(gasps)
18
00:01:02,222 --> 00:01:06,222
♪ The Simpsons 25x02 ♪
Treehouse of Horror XXIV
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013
19
00:01:06,247 --> 00:01:11,247
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
20
00:01:16,479 --> 00:01:17,679
(yells)
21
00:01:21,484 --> 00:01:22,751
(beeping)
22
00:01:24,087 --> 00:01:25,654
(groans)
23
00:01:27,991 --> 00:01:29,224
(singing opera)
24
00:01:29,259 --> 00:01:31,193
(playing the blues)
25
00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:34,129
(playing the blues)
26
00:01:38,334 --> 00:01:40,002
(monster shrieking)
27
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:43,172
(bird caws)
28
00:01:44,908 --> 00:01:46,141
(chuckles)
29
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,211
(all screaming)
30
00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:55,317
(all moaning, shrieking)
31
00:01:56,419 --> 00:01:58,153
(horn honking)
32
00:02:00,356 --> 00:02:01,690
(panting)
33
00:02:02,325 --> 00:02:04,993
(screams)
34
00:02:08,565 --> 00:02:10,232
(tires screech)
35
00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:12,868
D'oh!
36
00:02:12,902 --> 00:02:13,936
(horn honking)
37
00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:14,837
(yells)
38
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:18,941
(moaning)
39
00:02:20,343 --> 00:02:22,211
(screaming)
40
00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:23,545
(screaming fades,
clocks ticking)
41
00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,113
(grunts, gasps)
42
00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:38,861
(electrical zapping)
43
00:02:51,757 --> 00:02:54,759
LISA: 'Twas Halloween night,
with the kids door-to-dooring,
44
00:02:54,794 --> 00:02:57,896
and all over town
the blood sugar was soaring.
45
00:02:58,430 --> 00:02:59,931
(doorbell rings)
46
00:02:59,965 --> 00:03:01,733
Give me your candy!
47
00:03:05,137 --> 00:03:08,172
LISA: But the Simpson abode
was deep down in the dumps,
48
00:03:08,207 --> 00:03:11,743
'cause from little to bigger,
the kids had the mumps.
49
00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:14,779
MARGE: Now, I'm off to a party,
my outfit is chic.
50
00:03:14,813 --> 00:03:18,116
It's a Catwoman costume,
I'm sure is unique.
51
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:19,450
(dog howls)
52
00:03:19,485 --> 00:03:21,886
Wait a second--
it's Halloween?
53
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,022
Just rest on the sofa,
I'll be home by 10:00.
54
00:03:25,057 --> 00:03:26,457
Can we have some candy?
55
00:03:26,492 --> 00:03:27,792
Just one M&M.
56
00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:34,398
LISA:
Then we heard a loud crash.
57
00:03:34,433 --> 00:03:35,433
HOMER:
D'oh!
58
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:37,301
We were tempted to scat.
59
00:03:37,336 --> 00:03:38,870
BART: And we looked
and we saw him...
60
00:03:38,904 --> 00:03:40,371
LISA/BART:
The Fat in the Hat!
61
00:03:40,405 --> 00:03:43,307
I'll save Halloween for
you three grumpy tots.
62
00:03:43,342 --> 00:03:46,878
Just stick out your rumps
for some mump-stumping shots!
63
00:03:46,912 --> 00:03:48,379
(sighs)
64
00:03:48,413 --> 00:03:51,382
Now hop on my cycle,
there's nothing to fear.
65
00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:53,584
And we shall have candy...
and maybe some beer.
66
00:03:53,619 --> 00:03:54,919
Huh?
67
00:03:54,953 --> 00:03:57,488
You should not be here
when their mother's away!
68
00:03:57,523 --> 00:04:00,658
And you should be dead,
you're so wrinkled and gray!
69
00:04:00,692 --> 00:04:03,427
I'll give you the business,
you yellow sea cow!
70
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:05,696
This go-getting oldster will...
71
00:04:05,731 --> 00:04:07,331
Where am I now?
72
00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:08,900
(grunts)
73
00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:11,803
We'll fix up this mix-up
in two minutes flat,
74
00:04:11,837 --> 00:04:14,539
with the helpers I've hidden
right under my hat.
75
00:04:14,573 --> 00:04:15,940
(kids exclaim)
76
00:04:15,974 --> 00:04:20,244
I... uh, I knew there was
something I left off my list.
77
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,080
Without food, air and water,
they cease to exist.
78
00:04:26,485 --> 00:04:28,953
(explosion)
79
00:04:28,987 --> 00:04:31,522
I am the Borax.
I speak for the woods.
80
00:04:31,557 --> 00:04:33,925
But I've plastered my likeness
on consumer goods.
81
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:35,126
HOMER:
Sellout!
82
00:04:36,929 --> 00:04:38,763
Hey!
83
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:45,203
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
doesn't care what moms say ♪
84
00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:47,772
♪ The minute they leave you,
he'll take you away ♪
85
00:04:47,806 --> 00:04:48,773
(gasps)
86
00:04:48,807 --> 00:04:50,141
♪ His breakfast is dinner
87
00:04:50,175 --> 00:04:51,809
♪ His dinner's dessert
88
00:04:51,844 --> 00:04:56,047
♪ You might see his name
on an AMBER Alert! ♪
89
00:04:56,081 --> 00:04:58,316
Trick or treat!
90
00:04:58,350 --> 00:05:00,318
Who buzzed the buzzard?
Don't pester the rich.
91
00:05:00,352 --> 00:05:03,621
I don't hand out candy,
you son of a Gritch.
92
00:05:03,655 --> 00:05:07,191
BART: He pulled out bamfoozlers
and side-winding gizzles.
93
00:05:07,226 --> 00:05:08,326
(explosion)
94
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,640
(laughing)
He laughed as he heard
95
00:05:09,661 --> 00:05:11,495
that old codger's
house-sizzles.
96
00:05:11,530 --> 00:05:14,332
Let this be a lesson
to those who love cash,
97
00:05:14,366 --> 00:05:16,801
that your nice stash of cash
could be gone in a flash.
98
00:05:16,835 --> 00:05:20,004
And if you are awful
and nasty and cruel...
99
00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:22,540
Enough with the lessons!
This isn't a school!
100
00:05:22,574 --> 00:05:24,242
(neck cracks)
101
00:05:26,211 --> 00:05:30,481
♪ Once a year
we are not hungry ♪
102
00:05:30,515 --> 00:05:34,819
♪ Thanks to Christian charity.
103
00:05:34,853 --> 00:05:35,853
(all gag)
104
00:05:39,057 --> 00:05:42,059
(toilet flushing)
(snoring)
105
00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:44,829
I don't got no candy,
I only serve beer.
106
00:05:44,863 --> 00:05:46,998
And who said that you could
bring minors in here?
107
00:05:47,032 --> 00:05:50,067
Your peanuts are pawed through,
your beer smells like skunk.
108
00:05:50,102 --> 00:05:53,137
And you just pissed off
the wrong fat, furry drunk!
109
00:05:53,171 --> 00:05:54,705
(gasps) Hey, hey, hey!
110
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:56,440
This is supposed
to be a children's story!
111
00:05:56,475 --> 00:05:59,377
Go grab all his money
and vodka and gin.
112
00:05:59,411 --> 00:06:02,546
And I'll knit a nice thnord
from his leathery skin.
113
00:06:02,581 --> 00:06:05,116
Say, Mr. Hat, I don't mean
to complain,
114
00:06:05,150 --> 00:06:09,520
but you promised us candy,
not mayhem and pain.
115
00:06:09,554 --> 00:06:11,022
BART: The dude thought a while,
then said:
116
00:06:11,056 --> 00:06:12,390
I know a man!
117
00:06:12,424 --> 00:06:15,726
With an overpriced store,
who'll give all that he can.
118
00:06:15,761 --> 00:06:17,895
Take whatever you want.
I don't want any trouble.
119
00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:20,364
Take Jims that are Slim,
and gum of the bubble.
120
00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:23,834
I won't shoot you now, 'cause
I've found something cruel-ah,
121
00:06:23,869 --> 00:06:27,605
an afternoon off with eight kids
and Manjula.
122
00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:29,607
(bike bell rings, kids laughing)
123
00:06:31,977 --> 00:06:35,780
(kids laughing)
No...!
124
00:06:36,915 --> 00:06:37,882
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
125
00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:40,718
♪ Has some anger issues
126
00:06:40,752 --> 00:06:44,622
♪ And some highly unusual
political views ♪
127
00:06:44,656 --> 00:06:48,259
♪ If he comes a-calling,
you'd better hide ♪
128
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:51,662
♪ 'Cause he's committing
aggravated floop-fluffle-cide! ♪
129
00:06:51,697 --> 00:06:54,065
Don't forget me!
130
00:06:54,099 --> 00:06:56,133
♪ Floop-fluffle-cide!
131
00:06:56,168 --> 00:06:58,502
BART: We had to escape
from this behatted mammal.
132
00:06:58,537 --> 00:07:01,472
(burps) LISA: So we hitched us a ride
on a three-hump gumbamel!
133
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:03,908
A gumbamel's a camel
but faster and humbler.
134
00:07:03,942 --> 00:07:06,477
It doesn't take tips
and it's never a grumbler.
135
00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:08,779
So if you must leave
in a kind of a scramble,
136
00:07:08,814 --> 00:07:11,248
then jump on the hump
of a humble gumbamel.
137
00:07:11,283 --> 00:07:13,918
BART: But if the gumbamel should
ramble, then stumble,
138
00:07:13,952 --> 00:07:15,820
then just hop atop
a Krustiferous Krumbull.
139
00:07:15,854 --> 00:07:17,855
But then if that Krumbull
should happen to tumble,
140
00:07:17,889 --> 00:07:19,790
just call your amigo,
the bee man of bumble.
141
00:07:19,825 --> 00:07:20,925
(exhales)
142
00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:22,760
BEE MAN:
Ay-yi-yi!
143
00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:25,196
LISA: We thought we'd escaped
from our psychotic guide...
144
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:27,832
but when we got home,
he was waiting inside!
145
00:07:27,866 --> 00:07:29,333
I'm staying forever.
146
00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:30,835
You're all stuck
with that.
147
00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:33,804
'Cause I'm your new daddy,
the Fat in the...
148
00:07:33,839 --> 00:07:35,272
(screams)
149
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:41,512
I'm frightened of nothing,
not even hellfires.
150
00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:45,282
Just don't let me ever be played
by Mike Myers.
151
00:07:45,317 --> 00:07:46,517
(groans)
152
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:52,623
BART: Now please do not worry,
'cause we did okay.
153
00:07:52,657 --> 00:07:55,793
Yes, kids will get candy,
whatever you say.
154
00:08:07,966 --> 00:08:09,334
PILOT:
What the hell?!
155
00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:11,302
(Bart laughs)
156
00:08:11,337 --> 00:08:13,871
Bart, isn't it dangerous
to fly your kite
157
00:08:13,906 --> 00:08:15,473
PILOT: Stupid kids!
by an airport?
158
00:08:15,507 --> 00:08:16,774
Hey, if they get
on an airbus,
159
00:08:16,809 --> 00:08:18,810
they know they're
taking their chances.
160
00:08:21,513 --> 00:08:22,914
Kite at 2:00!
161
00:08:22,948 --> 00:08:25,116
I don't know what that means,
I have a digital watch!
162
00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:28,686
(pilots scream)
163
00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:31,456
(both groan)
164
00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:35,293
What's my wife's picture doing
on your control screen?
165
00:08:35,327 --> 00:08:36,294
Over.
166
00:08:36,328 --> 00:08:37,495
Homina, homina, homina.
167
00:08:37,529 --> 00:08:38,529
Over.
168
00:08:49,575 --> 00:08:50,775
(yawns)
169
00:08:50,809 --> 00:08:51,809
(groans)
170
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,544
Nowhere to tie my kite...
171
00:08:53,579 --> 00:08:55,279
and I forgot my scarf.
172
00:08:55,314 --> 00:08:57,815
(gasps) Bingo!
173
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,522
I'm seeing a 12-car pileup,
174
00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:07,392
a naked rooftop cookout,
and... Oh, my God!
175
00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:09,427
A box kite! (screams)
176
00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:14,365
(sighs) Well, at least
it's a beautiful night.
177
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,533
(grunts)
178
00:09:17,803 --> 00:09:18,836
I'm alive!
179
00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:19,971
All patched up!
180
00:09:20,005 --> 00:09:21,038
End of story.
181
00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:22,607
Actually, there's
a little more.
182
00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:24,342
Ay, caramba!
183
00:09:24,376 --> 00:09:26,144
I'm sorry.
This was the only way
184
00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:27,945
to lengthen Bart's
life for a year
185
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,347
while shortening
yours by 30.
186
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:31,315
I thought I was donating blood.
187
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:34,018
You are. Along with lymph,
spinal fluid,
188
00:09:34,052 --> 00:09:36,554
and all the trimmings.
(chuckles)
189
00:09:36,588 --> 00:09:39,190
But, Lisa, your brain is
still in complete control.
190
00:09:39,224 --> 00:09:43,294
I could do what
I want to Bart's head?
191
00:09:43,328 --> 00:09:44,595
Aw, geez.
192
00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:46,230
Strangle me out
of this, Fatso.
193
00:09:46,265 --> 00:09:47,598
Why you little...!
194
00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:50,401
I'll teach you
to make medical history!
195
00:09:50,436 --> 00:09:52,904
Oops.
196
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,073
Ah, all good.
197
00:09:56,108 --> 00:09:57,074
D'oh!
198
00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:58,075
(neck cracks)
199
00:09:59,445 --> 00:10:01,512
(humming)
200
00:10:01,547 --> 00:10:02,947
(spits)
201
00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:05,149
Hey, boy, since you don't need
a bedroom anymore,
202
00:10:05,184 --> 00:10:08,419
I finally get my man cave.
203
00:10:08,454 --> 00:10:10,221
♪ Man cave!
204
00:10:10,255 --> 00:10:13,224
♪ Everyone's welcome
to my man cave! ♪
205
00:10:18,997 --> 00:10:21,199
I assure you,
we've spared no effort
206
00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:23,000
to accommodate your
special-needs student.
207
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:25,102
And... done.
208
00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:28,072
So, in conclusion,
my show-and-tell is...
209
00:10:28,106 --> 00:10:29,574
this!
210
00:10:29,608 --> 00:10:32,643
Excellent, Lisa.
A-plus.
211
00:10:32,678 --> 00:10:34,045
Bart, your turn.
212
00:10:34,079 --> 00:10:37,882
Well, my show-and-tell is
that I'm on Lisa's body.
213
00:10:37,916 --> 00:10:39,550
Derivative
and repetitive!
214
00:10:39,585 --> 00:10:40,585
F-minus.
215
00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:42,553
Aw!
(giggles)
216
00:10:42,588 --> 00:10:45,623
Bart, I expected more
from a fourth-grade head.
217
00:10:45,657 --> 00:10:47,492
(gasps)
218
00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:50,394
You're rotating it
in the wrong direction!
219
00:10:51,296 --> 00:10:53,498
(both grunting)
220
00:10:53,532 --> 00:10:56,234
That was gonna be
my show-and-tell!
221
00:10:56,268 --> 00:10:58,669
Bart, Lisa,
I'm afraid you two
222
00:10:58,704 --> 00:11:01,339
are going to be together
for a long time.
223
00:11:01,373 --> 00:11:02,893
Why don't you try
to say something good
224
00:11:02,908 --> 00:11:04,609
about each other?
225
00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:06,611
Well, she's pretty
healthy for someone
226
00:11:06,645 --> 00:11:07,778
who's been living
with cooties.
227
00:11:07,813 --> 00:11:09,981
Bart, aren't Lisa's ears clean?
228
00:11:10,015 --> 00:11:11,115
Yeah.
229
00:11:11,149 --> 00:11:12,884
It's like looking down
a Canadian tunnel.
230
00:11:12,918 --> 00:11:13,885
What else?
231
00:11:13,919 --> 00:11:15,086
Well... now I always
232
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,121
have someone
to eat lunch with.
233
00:11:17,155 --> 00:11:18,723
Great!
234
00:11:18,757 --> 00:11:21,125
That's as much therapy
as your parents can afford.
235
00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:25,263
I think we've made
some progress here.
236
00:11:25,297 --> 00:11:26,264
Great...
237
00:11:26,298 --> 00:11:27,465
Oh, and I have this
238
00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:29,133
"two heads for one" coupon.
239
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:30,167
Well, that's for lettuce.
240
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:31,369
How about this one?
241
00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:32,703
"One random disorder free
242
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,272
with every schizophrenia."
243
00:11:34,306 --> 00:11:35,673
That's mine,
but it's expired.
244
00:11:35,707 --> 00:11:37,341
D'oh!
245
00:11:37,376 --> 00:11:39,644
(playing "When the Saints
Go Marching In")
246
00:11:44,349 --> 00:11:47,018
Should've chopped off
Bart's head long ago.
247
00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:51,088
Sleep well, Lis.
248
00:11:51,123 --> 00:11:52,790
Somehow, sewing my head
on your shoulder
249
00:11:52,824 --> 00:11:54,292
brought us
closer together.
250
00:11:54,326 --> 00:11:55,660
Rainbow...
251
00:11:55,694 --> 00:11:56,827
oh, Rainbow...
252
00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:59,330
Oh... not the pony
dream again.
253
00:12:00,198 --> 00:12:03,334
(gasps)
Hey, I did that.
254
00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:06,337
Yep, that's me.
255
00:12:06,371 --> 00:12:08,005
When she's asleep,
256
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,407
I'm in control.
257
00:12:09,441 --> 00:12:11,542
Lis, I'm gonna make sure
258
00:12:11,577 --> 00:12:13,778
you stay asleep.
259
00:12:13,812 --> 00:12:15,947
(laughs evilly)
260
00:12:20,218 --> 00:12:21,919
Ooh, mix-ins!
261
00:12:23,922 --> 00:12:24,889
Mmm.
262
00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:26,557
(snores)
263
00:12:26,592 --> 00:12:27,725
(falls down stairs,
grunts, shouts)
264
00:12:27,759 --> 00:12:29,226
Son of a...
265
00:12:29,261 --> 00:12:30,494
(grunts)
266
00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:31,529
(snoring)
267
00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:37,201
(engine sputters, dies)
268
00:12:37,235 --> 00:12:40,171
You start a car as well
as you start a family.
269
00:12:40,205 --> 00:12:42,707
You wait here while I go
get the jumper cables.
270
00:12:45,477 --> 00:12:47,979
MRS. SKINNER:
Oh, a panic attack, huh?
271
00:12:48,013 --> 00:12:50,548
Well, I'll give you something
to panic about!
272
00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:51,716
(grunting)
273
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,151
(groans)
274
00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:57,321
Now I'll just cut off
her annoying head
275
00:12:57,356 --> 00:12:58,990
and this body will be all mine.
276
00:12:59,024 --> 00:13:00,391
Or we both die.
277
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,360
Not really sure
what the rules are.
278
00:13:02,394 --> 00:13:03,361
(gasps)
279
00:13:03,395 --> 00:13:04,729
Why, Bart?
280
00:13:04,763 --> 00:13:06,497
I thought we
were friends.
281
00:13:06,531 --> 00:13:08,733
A brother can never
be friends with his sister.
282
00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:10,568
Are you really,
really sure?
283
00:13:10,602 --> 00:13:11,802
I'm afraid I am.
284
00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:13,938
Well, then, I guess
I have no choice.
285
00:13:13,972 --> 00:13:15,406
(yells)
286
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,241
How could this
go wrong?
287
00:13:17,275 --> 00:13:18,676
'Cause in a
head-to-head battle,
288
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,277
the one with the
most brains wins!
289
00:13:20,312 --> 00:13:21,812
(groans)
290
00:13:24,049 --> 00:13:25,549
(groans)
291
00:13:25,584 --> 00:13:27,485
Well, wherever I am,
292
00:13:27,519 --> 00:13:29,387
it's gotta be an improvement.
293
00:13:29,421 --> 00:13:30,821
Guess again.
294
00:13:30,856 --> 00:13:31,889
(moans)
295
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:34,525
Now I can always
sing karaoke duets.
296
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,160
♪ Mock...
Yeah.
297
00:13:36,194 --> 00:13:37,461
♪ Ing...
Yeah.
298
00:13:37,496 --> 00:13:39,497
I feel your pain,
brother.
299
00:13:39,531 --> 00:13:40,831
Now, I need you
to memorize
300
00:13:40,866 --> 00:13:43,467
these 10,000 setups
by next week.
301
00:13:43,502 --> 00:13:44,802
Help me, Doctor.
302
00:13:44,836 --> 00:13:45,970
So this is what
303
00:13:46,004 --> 00:13:47,638
successful post-op
looks like.
304
00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:54,272
(circus music plays)
305
00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:55,440
BURNSUM:
Step right up.
306
00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:58,009
Step right up,
only two bits!
307
00:13:58,043 --> 00:14:00,044
(snickering)
308
00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:05,617
(slurps, growls)
309
00:14:05,651 --> 00:14:06,985
Thrill as...
310
00:14:08,988 --> 00:14:11,522
Thrill as Marguerite
conquers the air!
311
00:14:18,731 --> 00:14:20,698
(cheering)
312
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:22,834
Laugh at the clown's buffoonery!
313
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:24,135
Seriously, folks,
314
00:14:24,169 --> 00:14:26,638
I really think we should stop
this Hitler guy.
315
00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:28,506
(laughing)
316
00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:30,008
Disbelieve,
317
00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:33,211
as the Strong Man pulls a wagon
with his bare tongue!
318
00:14:33,245 --> 00:14:35,480
♪ This is the song
that you hear at the circus ♪
319
00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:37,815
♪ Sung by a guy
that you see at the circus ♪
320
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:39,484
(muffled):
♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do
321
00:14:39,518 --> 00:14:40,652
♪ Do-do-do...
322
00:14:40,686 --> 00:14:41,653
D'oh!
323
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,154
Or gape in terror
324
00:14:43,188 --> 00:14:45,290
at Almighty God's
whoopsy-daisies...
325
00:14:45,324 --> 00:14:46,658
the Freaks!
326
00:14:46,692 --> 00:14:47,725
(crowd exclaims)
327
00:14:49,561 --> 00:14:51,195
The Human Donkey.
328
00:14:51,230 --> 00:14:52,597
Hee-haw!
329
00:14:52,631 --> 00:14:54,766
The Terrifying Callback.
330
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,267
♪ Mock
Yeah.
331
00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:57,936
♪ Ing...
Yeah.
332
00:14:57,970 --> 00:14:59,837
Creatures from
another galaxy!
333
00:14:59,872 --> 00:15:02,607
Actually, it's more
of a globular cluster.
334
00:15:04,109 --> 00:15:05,510
Not the dark,
not the dark!
335
00:15:05,544 --> 00:15:06,511
Ah!
336
00:15:06,545 --> 00:15:07,812
And now...
337
00:15:07,846 --> 00:15:09,981
I must ask that
small children leave,
338
00:15:10,015 --> 00:15:11,382
good women avert their eyes,
339
00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,985
and men take a stiff slug
of circus whiskey.
340
00:15:14,019 --> 00:15:18,189
Behold, the most hideous
creature of all.
341
00:15:18,223 --> 00:15:19,757
How ya doin'?
342
00:15:19,792 --> 00:15:21,159
(audience screams)
343
00:15:21,193 --> 00:15:23,294
So, uh, anyone here
from New Jersey?
344
00:15:23,329 --> 00:15:24,862
I'm goin' there
next week.
345
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,230
(screams)
346
00:15:26,265 --> 00:15:28,266
(humming)
347
00:15:29,668 --> 00:15:32,003
(humming continues)
348
00:15:32,037 --> 00:15:33,171
Whoa!
349
00:15:33,205 --> 00:15:35,139
(grunting)
350
00:15:35,174 --> 00:15:37,709
(humming)
351
00:15:37,743 --> 00:15:38,776
Hey, torso!
352
00:15:38,811 --> 00:15:39,944
Huh?
What's with the cookies?
353
00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:42,146
Even the human snail
would've been done by now.
354
00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:44,315
I am so sick and tired
of people assuming
355
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:46,918
that the human snail is,
in some way, slow.
356
00:15:46,952 --> 00:15:48,286
Good day!
357
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,321
(grunts)
358
00:15:52,658 --> 00:15:53,891
All of you!
359
00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:55,560
Get back out there
with your flippers flapping,
360
00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:56,894
and your stumps a-stumping!
361
00:15:56,929 --> 00:15:58,129
Joe and Jane Normal
362
00:15:58,163 --> 00:15:59,797
expect some entertainment
for their nickel!
363
00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:01,299
Mr. Burnsum!
364
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:04,268
You should treat these
poor people with respect!
365
00:16:04,303 --> 00:16:06,237
Marge! Get away
from those freaks.
366
00:16:06,271 --> 00:16:07,638
You belong to me!
367
00:16:07,673 --> 00:16:09,741
The dumb, hairless brute.
368
00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:13,277
Well, you are the best
this circus has to offer.
369
00:16:13,312 --> 00:16:15,413
(laughing)
370
00:16:15,447 --> 00:16:17,782
Taste the strength
of your fiancé.
371
00:16:19,785 --> 00:16:22,020
Ooh!
372
00:16:22,054 --> 00:16:23,654
Ooh...
373
00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:25,890
With the mighty tongue
God's given you,
374
00:16:25,924 --> 00:16:29,494
why can't you speak kindly
of these imperfect angels?
375
00:16:29,528 --> 00:16:32,430
Marge, they knew
what they were getting into
376
00:16:32,464 --> 00:16:34,832
when their parents sold them
to the circus.
377
00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:36,367
Enough!
You will comport yourself
378
00:16:36,402 --> 00:16:37,468
with the dignity expected
379
00:16:37,503 --> 00:16:39,704
of a traveling freak show.
380
00:16:39,738 --> 00:16:40,738
(grunts)
381
00:16:42,808 --> 00:16:44,075
Excuse me, ma'am,
382
00:16:44,109 --> 00:16:47,145
but, uh, I ain't never seen
a normal stand up for us.
383
00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:48,179
(sighs)
384
00:16:48,213 --> 00:16:50,214
I, too, am a freak.
385
00:16:50,249 --> 00:16:51,215
One eye is blue,
386
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,117
and the other
a pale brown.
387
00:16:53,152 --> 00:16:55,520
I wouldn't want to
be you, lady.
388
00:16:55,554 --> 00:16:57,855
Never give up hope,
my friends.
389
00:17:00,325 --> 00:17:02,794
Of all the kisses
I have ever gotten in my life,
390
00:17:02,828 --> 00:17:04,295
that was the first.
391
00:17:04,329 --> 00:17:06,130
Hey, you should
ask her out, Moe.
392
00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:08,633
Ah, but she's sweet
on the strong man.
393
00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:10,868
You're fine unless
Rabbit Ears hears
394
00:17:10,903 --> 00:17:12,437
and tells Big Mouth.
395
00:17:12,471 --> 00:17:14,405
(whispering)
396
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,541
Wha...?!
397
00:17:16,575 --> 00:17:19,377
I ain't got no chance
with the strong man's girl.
398
00:17:19,411 --> 00:17:20,878
He makes ten dollars a week
399
00:17:20,913 --> 00:17:22,480
plus all the sawdust he can eat.
400
00:17:22,514 --> 00:17:24,148
Well, you've got
an emerald ring.
401
00:17:25,651 --> 00:17:26,851
My mother's ring.
402
00:17:26,885 --> 00:17:27,852
(sobs)
403
00:17:27,886 --> 00:17:29,821
She gave it to me
on her deathbed.
404
00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:31,856
She also acquired it
on her deathbed.
405
00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,724
That was a very busy deathbed.
406
00:17:33,759 --> 00:17:35,359
With an emerald that big,
407
00:17:35,394 --> 00:17:36,861
I could buy anything.
408
00:17:36,895 --> 00:17:38,729
A jalopy, an icebox,
409
00:17:38,764 --> 00:17:40,898
a steamer trunk full of fedoras!
410
00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:43,401
But how do I get my hands on it?
411
00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:45,002
Oh, I'm an idiot!
412
00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:46,003
Of course!
413
00:17:46,038 --> 00:17:47,371
I get Marge to marry Moe,
414
00:17:47,406 --> 00:17:48,473
then I kill Moe,
415
00:17:48,507 --> 00:17:49,607
then she gets the ring,
416
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:51,275
then I marry her
and the ring is mine.
417
00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:54,145
And the brilliance of my plan
is its simplicity.
418
00:17:55,314 --> 00:17:57,782
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
419
00:17:57,816 --> 00:18:01,119
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
420
00:18:01,153 --> 00:18:02,854
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
421
00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:06,624
whoa, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh...
422
00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:08,693
I just lost my keys!
423
00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:10,428
Whoa-whoa-whoa...
424
00:18:10,462 --> 00:18:13,397
What do you know?
I am gathering moss!
425
00:18:13,432 --> 00:18:14,732
(owl hoots)
426
00:18:14,766 --> 00:18:17,135
Hey, Marge, you want
to marry Moe?
427
00:18:17,169 --> 00:18:19,504
I'm engaged
to you, my love.
428
00:18:19,538 --> 00:18:22,106
The poor, lonely fellow
is about to die.
429
00:18:22,141 --> 00:18:23,508
Really? How?
430
00:18:23,542 --> 00:18:25,409
Well, let me
worry about how.
431
00:18:25,444 --> 00:18:28,246
But you know, you could make
his last day a happy one.
432
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,548
And the ring is just
the icing on the cake.
433
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:31,749
What ring?
434
00:18:31,783 --> 00:18:34,585
The ring that'll get me
out of this lousy circus
435
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:36,154
and into a good circus.
436
00:18:36,188 --> 00:18:37,421
Now, let's get you married.
437
00:18:37,456 --> 00:18:39,524
But wouldn't you
be jealous, my love?
438
00:18:39,558 --> 00:18:42,059
(laughs) Dear, I am not
the jealous type.
439
00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:44,061
And from you,
I have learned
440
00:18:44,096 --> 00:18:47,298
to feel compassion
for these disgustos.
441
00:18:47,332 --> 00:18:48,766
Aw...
442
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,303
(solemnly):
♪ She's a superfreak
443
00:18:52,337 --> 00:18:54,438
♪ Superfreak
444
00:18:54,473 --> 00:18:57,441
♪ She's superfreaky
445
00:18:57,476 --> 00:18:59,010
♪ Yow.
446
00:18:59,044 --> 00:19:00,178
"Yow" indeed.
447
00:19:00,212 --> 00:19:01,312
And so, with the conclusion
448
00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:02,647
of our traditional wedding song,
449
00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,182
I now declare you
450
00:19:04,216 --> 00:19:05,616
husband and wife.
451
00:19:05,651 --> 00:19:08,553
Moe, whatever small time
together we have
452
00:19:08,587 --> 00:19:10,788
will be wonderful.
453
00:19:10,822 --> 00:19:11,923
(laughs)
454
00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:13,491
A very small time!
455
00:19:13,525 --> 00:19:15,359
Those are strange
things to say,
456
00:19:15,394 --> 00:19:17,929
but a wedding is no place
to worry about threats
457
00:19:17,963 --> 00:19:19,630
from the bride's former lover.
458
00:19:19,665 --> 00:19:20,965
Now, the toast.
459
00:19:20,999 --> 00:19:22,266
To you, Marge.
460
00:19:22,301 --> 00:19:23,868
Now you are
one of us.
461
00:19:23,902 --> 00:19:25,636
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
462
00:19:25,671 --> 00:19:27,638
Gooble goo!
463
00:19:27,673 --> 00:19:29,707
One of us!
464
00:19:29,741 --> 00:19:31,375
Gooble goo!
465
00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,811
Why is it company parties
always get weird?
466
00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:35,146
(cork pops)
467
00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:37,548
God, you are
so beautiful
468
00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:38,783
in that
peignoir there.
469
00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:41,152
I, uh, better
freshen up a little bit.
470
00:19:42,854 --> 00:19:44,121
(humming)
471
00:19:44,156 --> 00:19:45,556
Set it to "massage," Jumbo.
472
00:19:47,025 --> 00:19:49,660
(humming)
473
00:19:51,096 --> 00:19:52,830
Hmm? What
are you doing?
474
00:19:52,864 --> 00:19:55,199
Oh! Trying
to kill Moe
475
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:57,034
so we'll get
his emerald!
476
00:19:57,069 --> 00:19:58,302
By the way,
I haven't checked,
477
00:19:58,337 --> 00:19:59,570
but emeralds
are valuable, right?
478
00:19:59,605 --> 00:20:00,605
(gasps)
479
00:20:00,639 --> 00:20:02,139
Strong Man!
480
00:20:02,174 --> 00:20:04,475
Moe may be ugly
on the outside,
481
00:20:04,509 --> 00:20:07,745
but inside, you are
the true monster.
482
00:20:07,779 --> 00:20:09,680
Leave my trailer forever!
483
00:20:09,715 --> 00:20:11,082
You're rejecting me?
484
00:20:11,116 --> 00:20:15,419
But I'm in the best shape
anyone is in the 1930s.
485
00:20:15,454 --> 00:20:16,754
I said go!
486
00:20:16,788 --> 00:20:18,022
(whimpers)
487
00:20:21,093 --> 00:20:22,360
(chanting):
One of us!
488
00:20:22,394 --> 00:20:23,361
Gooble goo!
489
00:20:23,395 --> 00:20:24,595
One of us!
490
00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:25,830
Gooble goo!
491
00:20:25,864 --> 00:20:27,765
What the hell does
"gooble goo" mean?
492
00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:28,966
(chanting):
We don't know!
493
00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:30,034
Gooble goo!
494
00:20:30,068 --> 00:20:31,235
We don't know!
495
00:20:31,270 --> 00:20:32,270
Gooble goo!
496
00:20:34,406 --> 00:20:35,373
(gasps)
497
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:36,641
You killed Burnsum!
498
00:20:36,675 --> 00:20:38,909
Now who is gonna say,
"Step right up"?
499
00:20:38,944 --> 00:20:41,212
FREAKS:
Gooble goo! Gooble goo!
500
00:20:41,246 --> 00:20:42,780
Tar and
feather him!
501
00:20:42,814 --> 00:20:45,049
Tear off his drumsticks!
502
00:20:45,083 --> 00:20:47,184
Make him...
one of us!
503
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:48,753
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
504
00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:50,554
One of us!
This is exactly why
505
00:20:50,589 --> 00:20:52,690
circus attendance is plummeting!
506
00:20:52,724 --> 00:20:56,594
And that, kids, is
how I met your mother.
507
00:20:56,628 --> 00:20:58,396
( How I Met Your Mother
theme music playing)
508
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:03,430
Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
509
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,708
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!