1
00:00:01,357 --> 00:00:03,992
(thunder crashing)
2
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,287
(electrical crackling,
bird squawks)
3
00:00:09,535 --> 00:00:10,835
(moaning growls)
4
00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:15,506
(bellows)
5
00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:18,296
(moaning)
6
00:00:18,744 --> 00:00:20,475
(gasps)
7
00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:23,581
(electrical crackling)
8
00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:26,269
(grunts)
9
00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:33,135
(suspenseful music plays)
10
00:00:33,181 --> 00:00:34,248
(birds cawing)
11
00:00:34,275 --> 00:00:36,276
(yelling)
12
00:00:42,255 --> 00:00:43,522
(gasps)
13
00:00:48,206 --> 00:00:49,526
(grunting)
14
00:00:50,472 --> 00:00:52,701
(whistle blows)
15
00:00:53,046 --> 00:00:55,181
(shrieks)
16
00:00:55,584 --> 00:00:56,784
(screams)
17
00:01:00,892 --> 00:01:02,426
(gasps)
18
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:06,845
♪ The Simpsons 25x02 ♪
Treehouse of Horror XXIV
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013
19
00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:11,870
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
20
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,277
(yells)
21
00:01:22,418 --> 00:01:23,685
(beeping)
22
00:01:24,422 --> 00:01:25,989
(groans)
23
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,321
(singing opera)
24
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:31,831
(playing the blues)
25
00:01:32,861 --> 00:01:34,495
(playing the blues)
26
00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:40,325
(monster shrieking)
27
00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:43,213
(bird caws)
28
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,313
(chuckles)
29
00:01:47,614 --> 00:01:49,833
(all screaming)
30
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,714
(all moaning, shrieking)
31
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,814
(horn honking)
32
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,911
(panting)
33
00:02:02,816 --> 00:02:04,662
(screams)
34
00:02:08,793 --> 00:02:10,460
(tires screech)
35
00:02:12,143 --> 00:02:13,381
D'oh!
36
00:02:13,681 --> 00:02:15,616
(horn honking)
(yells)
37
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,138
(moaning)
38
00:02:20,897 --> 00:02:22,765
(screaming)
39
00:02:22,799 --> 00:02:24,099
(screaming fades,
clocks ticking)
40
00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:25,859
(grunts, gasps)
41
00:02:37,764 --> 00:02:39,565
(electrical zapping)
42
00:02:52,242 --> 00:02:55,089
LISA: 'Twas Halloween night,
with the kids door-to-dooring,
43
00:02:55,110 --> 00:02:58,500
and all over town the
blood sugar was soaring.
44
00:02:59,184 --> 00:03:00,453
(doorbell rings)
45
00:03:00,619 --> 00:03:02,387
Give me your candy!
46
00:03:05,503 --> 00:03:08,635
LISA: But the Simpson abode
was deep down in the dumps,
47
00:03:08,661 --> 00:03:12,253
'cause from little to bigger,
the kids had the mumps.
48
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,349
MARGE: Now, I'm off to a
party, my outfit is chic.
49
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:18,670
It's a Catwoman costume,
I'm sure is unique.
50
00:03:18,704 --> 00:03:20,004
(dog howls)
51
00:03:20,226 --> 00:03:22,372
Wait a second--
it's Halloween?
52
00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:25,673
Just rest on the sofa,
I'll be home by 10:00.
53
00:03:25,692 --> 00:03:28,823
- Can we have some candy?
- Just one M&M.
54
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,919
LISA: Then we heard
a loud crash.
55
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:37,335
- HOMER: D'oh!
- We were tempted to scat.
56
00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:39,253
BART: And we looked
and we saw him...
57
00:03:39,289 --> 00:03:41,064
LISA/BART: The Fat in the Hat!
58
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:43,722
I'll save Halloween for
you three grumpy tots.
59
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:47,422
Just stick out your rumps for
some mump-stumping shots!
60
00:03:47,616 --> 00:03:48,660
(sighs)
61
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,552
Now hop on my cycle,
there's nothing to fear.
62
00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:54,490
And we shall have candy...
and maybe some beer.
63
00:03:54,675 --> 00:03:55,406
Huh?
64
00:03:55,430 --> 00:03:57,998
You should not be here
when their mother's away!
65
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:01,155
And you should be dead,
you're so wrinkled and gray!
66
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:03,859
I'll give you the business,
you yellow sea cow!
67
00:04:03,878 --> 00:04:06,461
This go-getting oldster will...
68
00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:08,129
Where am I now?
69
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:09,529
(grunts)
70
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:12,374
We'll fix up this mix-up
in two minutes flat,
71
00:04:12,391 --> 00:04:14,972
with the helpers I've hidden
right under my hat.
72
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,498
(kids exclaim)
73
00:04:17,178 --> 00:04:20,898
I... uh, I knew there was
something I left off my list.
74
00:04:20,923 --> 00:04:23,909
Without food, air and water,
they cease to exist.
75
00:04:27,252 --> 00:04:29,033
(explosion)
76
00:04:29,364 --> 00:04:31,899
I am the Borax. I
speak for the woods.
77
00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:35,092
But I've plastered my
likeness on consumer goods.
78
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:36,071
HOMER:
Sellout!
79
00:04:37,876 --> 00:04:39,307
Hey!
80
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:45,450
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
doesn't care what moms say ♪
81
00:04:45,466 --> 00:04:48,685
♪ The minute they leave
you, he'll take you away ♪
82
00:04:48,779 --> 00:04:50,826
- (gasps)
- ♪ His breakfast is dinner
83
00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:52,609
♪ His dinner's dessert
84
00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:56,396
♪ You might see his name
on an AMBER Alert! ♪
85
00:04:56,691 --> 00:04:58,458
Trick or treat!
86
00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:01,121
Who buzzed the buzzard?
Don't pester the rich.
87
00:05:01,141 --> 00:05:03,771
I don't hand out candy,
you son of a Gritch.
88
00:05:04,202 --> 00:05:07,799
BART: He pulled out bamfoozlers
and side-winding gizzles.
89
00:05:07,836 --> 00:05:08,816
(explosion)
(laughing)
90
00:05:08,825 --> 00:05:11,963
He laughed as he heard that
old codger's house-sizzles.
91
00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:14,792
Let this be a lesson
to those who love cash,
92
00:05:14,825 --> 00:05:17,260
that your nice stash of cash
could be gone in a flash.
93
00:05:17,319 --> 00:05:19,977
And if you are awful
and nasty and cruel...
94
00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:22,603
Enough with the lessons!
This isn't a school!
95
00:05:22,696 --> 00:05:24,895
(neck cracks)
96
00:05:27,621 --> 00:05:31,669
♪ Once a year we
are not hungry ♪
97
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:35,682
♪ Thanks to Christian charity.
98
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,720
(all gag)
99
00:05:39,362 --> 00:05:42,364
(toilet flushing)
(snoring)
100
00:05:42,655 --> 00:05:45,315
I don't got no candy,
I only serve beer.
101
00:05:45,330 --> 00:05:47,569
And who said that you could
bring minors in here?
102
00:05:47,599 --> 00:05:50,759
Your peanuts are pawed through,
your beer smells like skunk.
103
00:05:50,792 --> 00:05:53,864
And you just pissed off
the wrong fat, furry drunk!
104
00:05:53,898 --> 00:05:55,033
(gasps) Hey, hey, hey!
105
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,938
This is supposed to be
a children's story!
106
00:05:56,992 --> 00:05:59,758
Go grab all his money
and vodka and gin.
107
00:05:59,790 --> 00:06:02,925
And I'll knit a nice thnord
from his leathery skin.
108
00:06:03,136 --> 00:06:05,801
Say, Mr. Hat, I don't
mean to complain,
109
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:09,674
but you promised us candy,
not mayhem and pain.
110
00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:11,778
BART: The dude thought
a while, then said:
111
00:06:11,811 --> 00:06:16,311
I know a man! With an overpriced
store, who'll give all that he can.
112
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,503
Take whatever you want.
I don't want any trouble.
113
00:06:18,535 --> 00:06:20,898
Take Jims that are Slim,
and gum of the bubble.
114
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:24,435
I won't shoot you now, 'cause
I've found something cruel-ah,
115
00:06:24,474 --> 00:06:28,079
an afternoon off with
eight kids and Manjula.
116
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:30,218
(bike bell rings, kids laughing)
117
00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:35,951
(kids laughing)
No...!
118
00:06:37,476 --> 00:06:39,322
♪ Oh, the Fat in the Hat
119
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,075
♪ Has some anger issues
120
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:44,766
♪ And some highly unusual
political views ♪
121
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:48,560
♪ If he comes a-calling,
you'd better hide ♪
122
00:06:48,585 --> 00:06:52,198
♪ 'Cause he's committing
aggravated floop-fluffle-cide! ♪
123
00:06:52,523 --> 00:06:54,302
Don't forget me!
124
00:06:54,673 --> 00:06:56,593
♪ Floop-fluffle-cide!
125
00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:59,027
BART: We had to escape
from this behatted mammal.
126
00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:01,836
LISA: So we hitched us a ride
on a three-hump gumbamel!
127
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,490
A gumbamel's a camel but
faster and humbler.
128
00:07:04,528 --> 00:07:06,925
It doesn't take tips and
it's never a grumbler.
129
00:07:06,953 --> 00:07:09,375
So if you must leave
in a kind of a scramble,
130
00:07:09,449 --> 00:07:11,725
then jump on the hump
of a humble gumbamel.
131
00:07:11,744 --> 00:07:14,263
BART: But if the gumbamel
should ramble, then stumble,
132
00:07:14,282 --> 00:07:16,676
then just hop atop a
Krustiferous Krumbull.
133
00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:18,459
But then if that Krumbull
should happen to tumble,
134
00:07:18,474 --> 00:07:20,375
just call your amigo,
the bee man of bumble.
135
00:07:20,392 --> 00:07:21,112
(exhales)
136
00:07:21,145 --> 00:07:22,198
BEE MAN:
Ay-yi-yi!
137
00:07:22,236 --> 00:07:25,066
LISA: We thought we'd escaped
from our psychotic guide...
138
00:07:25,090 --> 00:07:28,374
but when we got home,
he was waiting inside!
139
00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:31,359
I'm staying forever. You're
all stuck with that.
140
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:34,577
'Cause I'm your new
daddy, the Fat in the...
141
00:07:34,795 --> 00:07:36,228
(screams)
142
00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:42,265
I'm frightened of nothing,
not even hellfires.
143
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:46,153
Just don't let me ever
be played by Mike Myers.
144
00:07:46,223 --> 00:07:46,948
(groans)
145
00:07:48,822 --> 00:07:52,142
BART: Now please do not
worry, 'cause we did okay.
146
00:07:53,186 --> 00:07:56,576
Yes, kids will get
candy, whatever you say.
147
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:10,071
PILOT:
What the hell?!
148
00:08:10,095 --> 00:08:11,718
(Bart laughs)
149
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,827
- Bart, isn't it dangerous to fly your
kite by an airport? - PILOT: Stupid kids!
150
00:08:15,845 --> 00:08:19,227
Hey, if they get on an airbus, they
know they're taking their chances.
151
00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,274
Kite at 2:00!
152
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:25,716
I don't know what that means,
I have a digital watch!
153
00:08:27,449 --> 00:08:29,083
(pilots scream)
154
00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:31,925
(both groan)
155
00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:36,193
What's my wife's picture doing
on your control screen?
156
00:08:36,218 --> 00:08:38,174
- Over.
- Homina, homina, homina.
157
00:08:38,214 --> 00:08:39,214
Over.
158
00:08:49,748 --> 00:08:50,948
(yawns)
159
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,139
(groans)
160
00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:53,774
Nowhere to tie my kite...
161
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:55,658
and I forgot my scarf.
162
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:56,308
(gasps)
163
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:57,755
Bingo!
164
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,595
I'm seeing a 12-car pileup,
165
00:09:04,617 --> 00:09:07,676
a naked rooftop cookout,
and... Oh, my God!
166
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:10,050
A box kite! (screams)
167
00:09:11,993 --> 00:09:12,840
(sighs)
168
00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:15,053
Well, at least it's
a beautiful night.
169
00:09:15,073 --> 00:09:16,206
(grunts)
170
00:09:18,270 --> 00:09:19,303
I'm alive!
171
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,464
All patched up!
172
00:09:20,485 --> 00:09:21,341
End of story.
173
00:09:21,365 --> 00:09:23,110
Actually, there's a little more.
174
00:09:23,135 --> 00:09:24,702
Ay, caramba!
175
00:09:24,737 --> 00:09:28,194
I'm sorry. This was the only way
to lengthen Bart's life for a year
176
00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:29,685
while shortening yours by 30.
177
00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:31,645
I thought I was donating blood.
178
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:36,823
You are. Along with lymph, spinal fluid,
and all the trimmings. (chuckles)
179
00:09:36,986 --> 00:09:39,588
But, Lisa, your brain is
still in complete control.
180
00:09:39,604 --> 00:09:43,108
I could do what I
want to Bart's head?
181
00:09:43,563 --> 00:09:44,830
Aw, geez.
182
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:46,623
Strangle me out of this, Fatso.
183
00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:47,711
Why you little...!
184
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:50,867
I'll teach you to
make medical history!
185
00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:52,829
Oops.
186
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,670
Ah, all good.
187
00:09:56,908 --> 00:09:57,683
D'oh!
188
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:58,680
(neck cracks)
189
00:09:59,368 --> 00:10:01,941
(humming)
190
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:03,839
(spits)
191
00:10:03,914 --> 00:10:08,611
Hey, boy, since you don't need a bedroom
anymore, I finally get my man cave.
192
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,575
♪ Man cave!
193
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,729
♪ Everyone's welcome
to my man cave! ♪
194
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:23,458
I assure you, we've spared no effort to
accommodate your special-needs student.
195
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,264
And... done.
196
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:28,469
So, in conclusion,
my show-and-tell is...
197
00:10:28,486 --> 00:10:29,954
this!
198
00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:33,043
Excellent, Lisa.
A-plus.
199
00:10:33,076 --> 00:10:34,562
Bart, your turn.
200
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:38,392
Well, my show-and-tell is
that I'm on Lisa's body.
201
00:10:38,414 --> 00:10:39,957
Derivative and repetitive!
202
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:40,982
F-minus.
203
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:42,762
- Aw!
- (giggles)
204
00:10:42,899 --> 00:10:46,065
Bart, I expected more
from a fourth-grade head.
205
00:10:46,102 --> 00:10:48,068
(gasps)
206
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,578
You're rotating it
in the wrong direction!
207
00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:53,821
(both grunting)
208
00:10:53,949 --> 00:10:56,651
That was gonna be
my show-and-tell!
209
00:10:56,767 --> 00:11:01,722
Bart, Lisa, I'm afraid you two are
going to be together for a long time.
210
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:04,706
Why don't you try to say
something good about each other?
211
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,198
Well, she's pretty healthy for someone
who's been living with cooties.
212
00:11:08,243 --> 00:11:10,537
Bart, aren't Lisa's ears clean?
213
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,406
Yeah. It's like looking
down a Canadian tunnel.
214
00:11:13,442 --> 00:11:14,267
What else?
215
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,644
Well... now I always have
someone to eat lunch with.
216
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,210
Great!
217
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:21,629
That's as much therapy
as your parents can afford.
218
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:25,800
I think we've made
some progress here.
219
00:11:25,826 --> 00:11:26,569
Great...
220
00:11:26,593 --> 00:11:29,492
Oh, and I have this "two
heads for one" coupon.
221
00:11:29,527 --> 00:11:30,733
Well, that's for lettuce.
222
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,717
How about this one?
223
00:11:31,739 --> 00:11:34,877
"One random disorder free
with every schizophrenia."
224
00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:37,050
That's mine, but it's expired.
225
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:37,863
D'oh!
226
00:11:37,893 --> 00:11:40,558
(playing "When the
Saints Go Marching In")
227
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,564
Should've chopped off
Bart's head long ago.
228
00:11:50,272 --> 00:11:51,254
Sleep well, Lis.
229
00:11:51,273 --> 00:11:54,710
Somehow, sewing my head on your
shoulder brought us closer together.
230
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:55,718
Rainbow...
231
00:11:55,743 --> 00:11:57,108
oh, Rainbow...
232
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,960
Oh... not the pony dream again.
233
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:00,992
(gasps)
234
00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:03,973
Hey, I did that.
235
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,719
Yep, that's me.
236
00:12:06,751 --> 00:12:08,253
When she's asleep,
237
00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:09,953
I'm in control.
238
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,912
Lis, I'm gonna make
sure you stay asleep.
239
00:12:14,017 --> 00:12:16,152
(laughs evilly)
240
00:12:20,648 --> 00:12:22,612
Ooh, mix-ins!
241
00:12:24,095 --> 00:12:25,365
Mmm.
242
00:12:25,753 --> 00:12:26,753
(snores)
243
00:12:26,784 --> 00:12:28,612
(falls down stairs,
grunts, shouts)
244
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:29,762
Son of a...
245
00:12:29,778 --> 00:12:30,803
(grunts)
246
00:12:30,846 --> 00:12:31,846
(snoring)
247
00:12:36,082 --> 00:12:37,327
(engine sputters, dies)
248
00:12:37,345 --> 00:12:40,571
You start a car as well
as you start a family.
249
00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:43,506
You wait here while I go
get the jumper cables.
250
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:48,046
MRS. SKINNER: Oh, a
panic attack, huh?
251
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,937
Well, I'll give you
something to panic about!
252
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:52,286
(grunting)
253
00:12:53,174 --> 00:12:54,312
(groans)
254
00:12:55,721 --> 00:12:59,529
Now I'll just cut off her annoying
head and this body will be all mine.
255
00:12:59,554 --> 00:13:00,754
Or we both die.
256
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,902
Not really sure
what the rules are.
257
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:03,738
(gasps)
258
00:13:03,818 --> 00:13:05,091
Why, Bart?
259
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:06,901
I thought we were friends.
260
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:09,047
A brother can never
be friends with his sister.
261
00:13:09,059 --> 00:13:12,139
- Are you really, really sure?
- I'm afraid I am.
262
00:13:12,173 --> 00:13:14,274
Well, then, I guess
I have no choice.
263
00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:15,620
(yells)
264
00:13:15,731 --> 00:13:17,647
How could this go wrong?
265
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,882
'Cause in a head-to-head battle,
the one with the most brains wins!
266
00:13:21,242 --> 00:13:22,137
(groans)
267
00:13:24,472 --> 00:13:25,635
(groans)
268
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:27,679
Well, wherever I am,
269
00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:29,430
it's gotta be an improvement.
270
00:13:29,461 --> 00:13:30,886
Guess again.
271
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:32,180
(moans)
272
00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:34,864
Now I can always
sing karaoke duets.
273
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,387
- ♪ Mock...
- Yeah.
274
00:13:36,405 --> 00:13:37,943
- ♪ Ing...
- Yeah.
275
00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:39,725
I feel your pain, brother.
276
00:13:39,742 --> 00:13:43,727
Now, I need you to memorize these
10,000 setups by next week.
277
00:13:43,762 --> 00:13:44,931
Help me, Doctor.
278
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:48,381
So this is what successful
post-op looks like.
279
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,508
(circus music plays)
280
00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:55,746
BURNSUM: Step right up.
281
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:58,537
Step right up, only two bits!
282
00:13:58,586 --> 00:14:00,594
(snickering)
283
00:14:03,452 --> 00:14:05,239
(slurps, growls)
284
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,646
Thrill as...
285
00:14:09,237 --> 00:14:12,240
Thrill as Marguerite
conquers the air!
286
00:14:18,955 --> 00:14:20,882
(cheering)
287
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,924
Laugh at the clown's buffoonery!
288
00:14:22,942 --> 00:14:26,791
Seriously, folks, I really think
we should stop this Hitler guy.
289
00:14:26,815 --> 00:14:28,649
(laughing)
290
00:14:28,928 --> 00:14:33,468
Disbelieve, as the Strong Man pulls
a wagon with his bare tongue!
291
00:14:33,501 --> 00:14:35,601
♪ This is the song that
you hear at the circus ♪
292
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:37,745
♪ Sung by a guy that you
see at the circus ♪
293
00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:39,809
(muffled):
♪ Do-do-do, do-do-do
294
00:14:39,824 --> 00:14:40,958
♪ Do-do-do...
295
00:14:40,992 --> 00:14:41,959
D'oh!
296
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:45,643
Or gape in terror at Almighty
God's whoopsy-daisies...
297
00:14:45,663 --> 00:14:46,997
the Freaks!
298
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:48,695
(crowd exclaims)
299
00:14:49,741 --> 00:14:51,375
The Human Donkey.
300
00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:52,910
Hee-haw!
301
00:14:52,937 --> 00:14:54,956
The Terrifying Callback.
302
00:14:54,993 --> 00:14:56,460
- ♪ Mock
- Yeah.
303
00:14:56,482 --> 00:14:58,138
- ♪ Ing...
- Yeah.
304
00:14:58,170 --> 00:15:00,291
Creatures from another galaxy!
305
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,938
Actually, it's more
of a globular cluster.
306
00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:06,085
Not the dark, not the dark!
307
00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:06,953
Ah!
308
00:15:06,982 --> 00:15:10,079
And now... I must ask that
small children leave,
309
00:15:10,095 --> 00:15:14,106
good women avert their eyes, and men
take a stiff slug of circus whiskey.
310
00:15:14,218 --> 00:15:18,127
Behold, the most hideous
creature of all.
311
00:15:19,279 --> 00:15:20,996
- How ya doin'?
- (audience screams)
312
00:15:21,010 --> 00:15:23,328
So, uh, anyone here
from New Jersey?
313
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:24,783
I'm goin' there next week.
314
00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:26,379
(screams)
315
00:15:26,614 --> 00:15:28,615
(humming)
316
00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:32,269
(humming continues)
317
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,230
Whoa!
318
00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:35,266
(grunting)
319
00:15:35,298 --> 00:15:37,735
(humming)
320
00:15:37,773 --> 00:15:39,786
Hey, torso! Huh? What's
with the cookies?
321
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,202
Even the human snail
would've been done by now.
322
00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:47,127
I am so sick and tired of people assuming
that the human snail is, in some way, slow.
323
00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:48,636
Good day!
324
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:50,783
(grunts)
325
00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:55,612
All of you! Get back out there
with your flippers flapping,
326
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,014
and your stumps a-stumping!
327
00:15:57,028 --> 00:15:59,951
Joe and Jane Normal expect some
entertainment for their nickel!
328
00:15:59,974 --> 00:16:01,568
Mr. Burnsum!
329
00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:04,490
You should treat these
poor people with respect!
330
00:16:04,526 --> 00:16:06,460
Marge! Get away
from those freaks.
331
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:07,795
You belong to me!
332
00:16:07,798 --> 00:16:09,990
The dumb, hairless brute.
333
00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:13,596
Well, you are the best
this circus has to offer.
334
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,490
(laughing)
335
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,218
Taste the strength
of your fiancé.
336
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,619
Ooh!
337
00:16:22,091 --> 00:16:23,622
Ooh...
338
00:16:23,675 --> 00:16:26,046
With the mighty tongue
God's given you,
339
00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:29,676
why can't you speak kindly
of these imperfect angels?
340
00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:32,499
Marge, they knew what
they were getting into
341
00:16:32,510 --> 00:16:35,035
when their parents sold
them to the circus.
342
00:16:35,066 --> 00:16:39,441
Enough! You will comport yourself with the
dignity expected of a traveling freak show.
343
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:40,787
(grunts)
344
00:16:43,126 --> 00:16:47,429
Excuse me, ma'am, but, uh, I ain't
never seen a normal stand up for us.
345
00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:48,447
(sighs)
346
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,142
I, too, am a freak.
347
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:53,429
One eye is blue, and the
other a pale brown.
348
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,380
I wouldn't want to
be you, lady.
349
00:16:55,397 --> 00:16:57,937
Never give up hope, my friends.
350
00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:04,434
Of all the kisses I have ever gotten
in my life, that was the first.
351
00:17:04,502 --> 00:17:06,363
Hey, you should
ask her out, Moe.
352
00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:08,785
Ah, but she's sweet
on the strong man.
353
00:17:08,816 --> 00:17:12,476
You're fine unless Rabbit Ears
hears and tells Big Mouth.
354
00:17:12,783 --> 00:17:14,717
(whispering)
355
00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:16,677
Wha...?!
356
00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:19,508
I ain't got no chance with
the strong man's girl.
357
00:17:19,535 --> 00:17:22,792
He makes ten dollars a week plus
all the sawdust he can eat.
358
00:17:22,826 --> 00:17:24,631
Well, you've got
an emerald ring.
359
00:17:25,951 --> 00:17:27,151
My mother's ring.
360
00:17:27,197 --> 00:17:27,858
(sobs)
361
00:17:27,883 --> 00:17:29,966
She gave it to me
on her deathbed.
362
00:17:29,991 --> 00:17:32,084
She also acquired it
on her deathbed.
363
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,965
That was a very busy deathbed.
364
00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:37,039
With an emerald that big,
I could buy anything.
365
00:17:37,075 --> 00:17:41,130
A jalopy, an icebox, a steamer
trunk full of fedoras!
366
00:17:41,151 --> 00:17:43,662
But how do I get my hands on it?
367
00:17:43,703 --> 00:17:45,922
Oh, I'm an idiot! Of course!
368
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:49,501
I get Marge to marry Moe, then I
kill Moe, then she gets the ring,
369
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,393
then I marry her
and the ring is mine.
370
00:17:51,422 --> 00:17:54,527
And the brilliance of my
plan is its simplicity.
371
00:17:55,506 --> 00:17:58,024
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
372
00:17:58,053 --> 00:18:01,356
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.
373
00:18:01,390 --> 00:18:06,681
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
374
00:18:06,726 --> 00:18:08,833
I just lost my keys!
375
00:18:08,858 --> 00:18:10,533
Whoa-whoa-whoa...
376
00:18:10,536 --> 00:18:13,523
What do you know?
I am gathering moss!
377
00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:14,894
(owl hoots)
378
00:18:15,841 --> 00:18:17,287
Hey, Marge, you want
to marry Moe?
379
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:19,616
I'm engaged to you, my love.
380
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:23,649
- The poor, lonely fellow is about to die.
- Really? How?
381
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:25,545
Well, let me worry about how.
382
00:18:25,568 --> 00:18:28,516
But you know, you could make
his last day a happy one.
383
00:18:28,529 --> 00:18:30,949
And the ring is just
the icing on the cake.
384
00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:31,874
What ring?
385
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:36,360
The ring that'll get me out of this
lousy circus and into a good circus.
386
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:37,614
Now, let's get you married.
387
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,612
But wouldn't you
be jealous, my love?
388
00:18:39,632 --> 00:18:40,275
(laughs)
389
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,343
Dear, I am not the jealous type.
390
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:47,551
And from you, I have learned to feel
compassion for these disgustos.
391
00:18:47,568 --> 00:18:49,002
Aw...
392
00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:52,262
(solemnly):
♪ She's a superfreak
393
00:18:52,286 --> 00:18:54,649
♪ Superfreak
394
00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:57,449
♪ She's superfreaky
395
00:18:57,474 --> 00:18:59,049
♪ Yow.
396
00:18:59,075 --> 00:19:00,412
"Yow" indeed.
397
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,830
And so, with the conclusion of
our traditional wedding song,
398
00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:05,755
I now declare you
husband and wife.
399
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:10,941
Moe, whatever small time together
we have will be wonderful.
400
00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:11,939
(laughs)
401
00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:13,727
A very small time!
402
00:19:13,743 --> 00:19:15,370
Those are strange
things to say,
403
00:19:15,386 --> 00:19:19,883
but a wedding is no place to worry about
threats from the bride's former lover.
404
00:19:19,896 --> 00:19:21,298
Now, the toast.
405
00:19:21,324 --> 00:19:22,474
To you, Marge.
406
00:19:22,526 --> 00:19:24,093
Now you are one of us.
407
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,938
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
408
00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:27,846
Gooble goo!
409
00:19:27,879 --> 00:19:29,749
One of us!
410
00:19:29,773 --> 00:19:31,571
Gooble goo!
411
00:19:31,597 --> 00:19:33,998
Why is it company parties
always get weird?
412
00:19:34,244 --> 00:19:35,545
(cork pops)
413
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,935
God, you are so beautiful
in that peignoir there.
414
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,294
I, uh, better freshen
up a little bit.
415
00:19:42,672 --> 00:19:43,939
(humming)
416
00:19:43,986 --> 00:19:45,722
Set it to "massage," Jumbo.
417
00:19:47,418 --> 00:19:50,053
(humming)
418
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:53,035
Hmm? What
are you doing?
419
00:19:53,063 --> 00:19:57,249
Oh! Trying to kill Moe so
we'll get his emerald!
420
00:19:57,287 --> 00:19:59,882
By the way, I haven't checked, but
emeralds are valuable, right?
421
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:00,607
(gasps)
422
00:20:00,626 --> 00:20:02,232
Strong Man!
423
00:20:02,261 --> 00:20:07,927
Moe may be ugly on the outside, but
inside, you are the true monster.
424
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:09,842
Leave my trailer forever!
425
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,358
You're rejecting me?
426
00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:15,565
But I'm in the best shape
anyone is in the 1930s.
427
00:20:15,579 --> 00:20:16,685
I said go!
428
00:20:16,697 --> 00:20:18,067
(whimpers)
429
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:22,399
(chanting):
One of us!
430
00:20:22,433 --> 00:20:23,550
Gooble goo!
431
00:20:23,574 --> 00:20:24,658
One of us!
432
00:20:24,687 --> 00:20:25,781
Gooble goo!
433
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,969
What the hell does
"gooble goo" mean?
434
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,167
(chanting):
We don't know!
435
00:20:29,202 --> 00:20:30,235
Gooble goo!
436
00:20:30,269 --> 00:20:31,436
We don't know!
437
00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:32,776
Gooble goo!
438
00:20:34,413 --> 00:20:35,132
(gasps)
439
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:36,621
You killed Burnsum!
440
00:20:36,638 --> 00:20:39,107
Now who is gonna say,
"Step right up"?
441
00:20:39,163 --> 00:20:41,608
FREAKS:
Gooble goo! Gooble goo!
442
00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:43,033
Tar and feather him!
443
00:20:43,096 --> 00:20:45,212
Tear off his drumsticks!
444
00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:47,476
Make him... one of us!
445
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:48,860
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!
446
00:20:48,893 --> 00:20:52,928
- One of us! - This is exactly why
circus attendance is plummeting!
447
00:20:52,949 --> 00:20:56,759
And that, kids, is how
I met your mother.
448
00:20:56,809 --> 00:20:59,034
( How I Met Your Mother
theme music playing)
449
00:20:59,162 --> 00:21:04,162
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
450
00:21:42,310 --> 00:21:44,411
FREAKS (chanting):
One of us!