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00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,687
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:08,184
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:11,754
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,789 --> 00:00:14,757
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,792 --> 00:00:18,261
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,295 --> 00:00:21,564
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,598 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,801
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,835 --> 00:00:25,835
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,860
♪ Family Guy 12x02 ♪
Vestigial Peter
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013
11
00:00:29,861 --> 00:00:34,861
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,879 --> 00:00:36,280
Peter, come on,
get dressed.
13
00:00:36,314 --> 00:00:37,614
We're late
for church.
14
00:00:37,649 --> 00:00:39,249
I don't want to
go to church.
15
00:00:39,284 --> 00:00:41,819
I always feel like that
priest has it in for me.
16
00:00:41,853 --> 00:00:43,821
Body of Christ.
17
00:00:43,855 --> 00:00:45,823
Body of Christ.
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00:00:45,857 --> 00:00:47,091
Butt of Christ.
19
00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:49,326
Aah! Lois, trade me.
No.
20
00:00:50,462 --> 00:00:52,629
You're not wearing that
to church, are you?
21
00:00:52,664 --> 00:00:53,997
What? Yeah. Why not?
22
00:00:54,032 --> 00:00:55,532
This is what
I always wear.
23
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:56,767
She's right, man.
24
00:00:56,801 --> 00:00:57,935
It's Sunday. Get noticed.
25
00:00:57,969 --> 00:00:59,970
I'll be in the car.
26
00:01:01,339 --> 00:01:03,874
I'm getting tired of you wearing
the same thing every day.
27
00:01:03,908 --> 00:01:05,742
Look, that shirt's got
a hole in it.
28
00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:08,612
I'd like to point out that Jesus
wore the same thing every day.
29
00:01:08,646 --> 00:01:11,115
And you didn't hear Alice
giving him a hard time about it.
30
00:01:11,149 --> 00:01:12,416
Who?
Wasn't that her name?
31
00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:13,617
Let's just get to church.
32
00:01:13,651 --> 00:01:15,119
And afterward,
you're going to the mall
33
00:01:15,153 --> 00:01:16,286
to go clothes shopping.
34
00:01:16,321 --> 00:01:17,721
Well, you're
coming with me.
35
00:01:17,755 --> 00:01:20,157
Last time I tried shopping
without you, it was a disaster.
36
00:01:20,191 --> 00:01:21,525
Hey, I'm home.
37
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,494
I got groceries.
You what?
38
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,801
Yeah, I was driving past there,
39
00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:26,663
and we were out
of some stuff, so I...
40
00:01:26,698 --> 00:01:28,832
You listen to me,
you son of a bitch!
41
00:01:28,867 --> 00:01:30,801
I've got one thing
in this lifetime!
42
00:01:30,835 --> 00:01:32,603
One thing.
43
00:01:32,637 --> 00:01:35,606
You always say I never
do anything around here.
44
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,942
Yeah, I like saying that more
than I like you doing things.
45
00:01:38,977 --> 00:01:41,178
Dad, I got the rest
from the car. Where...?
46
00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:42,579
Chris, run!
You were right!
47
00:01:42,614 --> 00:01:43,747
She didn't appreciate it!
48
00:01:43,781 --> 00:01:45,949
Oh, crap!
49
00:01:45,984 --> 00:01:47,684
Ow!
50
00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:49,019
That's right.
51
00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:50,687
I do groceries.
52
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:57,361
All right, even though
we just walked in,
53
00:01:57,395 --> 00:02:00,297
and this whole place is one
hallway, let's consult the map.
54
00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:01,965
Okay.
55
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,233
Uh-oh.
56
00:02:07,972 --> 00:02:11,108
I'll bet we can find you
some new clothes in here.
57
00:02:11,142 --> 00:02:13,777
Hey, Lois, are you sure
this place is for men?
58
00:02:13,811 --> 00:02:15,179
Yes, Peter, it's for everyone.
59
00:02:15,213 --> 00:02:17,481
Really? 'Cause this-this
kind of looks like a dress.
60
00:02:17,515 --> 00:02:19,650
Peter, it's fine.
Come on out.
61
00:02:20,652 --> 00:02:22,753
Ha! You gaybo!
62
00:02:25,323 --> 00:02:26,557
Hang on, Peter.
63
00:02:26,591 --> 00:02:29,026
I'm gonna go look for a couple
things for me in here.
64
00:02:29,060 --> 00:02:30,194
I'll be right back.
65
00:02:30,228 --> 00:02:31,595
Okay, Lois, I'll
be right here,
66
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:34,231
standing uncomfortably close to
the unnecessary piano player
67
00:02:34,265 --> 00:02:35,999
in the middle of the mall.
68
00:02:37,769 --> 00:02:39,870
So, what's it like
now that you've made it?
69
00:02:39,904 --> 00:02:41,305
Did you ever have
a bank account
70
00:02:41,339 --> 00:02:43,040
full of pedestrians'
disinterested smiles?
71
00:02:43,074 --> 00:02:44,474
You're amazing.
72
00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:47,077
I'm gonna sit Indian-style
on top of your piano.
73
00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:51,148
There aren't enough verses
in any song I could write
74
00:02:51,182 --> 00:02:54,017
that would express how much
hatred I have in my heart.
75
00:02:54,052 --> 00:02:56,253
You talk like a book.
76
00:02:57,855 --> 00:02:59,189
Hey, Lois,
how about we try Sears?
77
00:02:59,224 --> 00:03:00,357
They got good stuff.
78
00:03:00,391 --> 00:03:01,892
Peter, nobody's been
in Sears for decades.
79
00:03:01,926 --> 00:03:03,627
Oh, come on.
When I was a boy,
80
00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:05,502
we always used to go
clothes shopping at Sears.
81
00:03:05,530 --> 00:03:07,197
Trust me. They'll have
everything I need.
82
00:03:12,737 --> 00:03:14,037
What the hell happened here?
83
00:03:14,072 --> 00:03:15,372
Look out!
84
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,712
He wants to know
who you are.
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00:03:21,746 --> 00:03:24,147
We seek clothes
for the cold times.
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00:03:26,184 --> 00:03:29,119
He says he'll take you to
the clothes for herbs and meat.
87
00:03:29,153 --> 00:03:30,621
Well, we can probably come up
88
00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:32,556
with some herbs
and meat, right, Peter?
89
00:03:32,590 --> 00:03:33,991
Peter?
90
00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:35,459
I'm with them now.
91
00:03:35,493 --> 00:03:36,860
No girls allowed.
92
00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:45,269
See, Lois, now,
this is more like it.
93
00:03:45,303 --> 00:03:47,304
What the hell?
Why won't this button?
94
00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:49,006
It's the same size
I always get.
95
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,941
Maybe you put on a
few pounds, sweetie.
96
00:03:50,975 --> 00:03:53,143
Lois, I weigh the same
293 pounds today
97
00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:54,444
that I weighed
in grade school.
98
00:03:54,479 --> 00:03:57,114
Perhaps it's this lump
on the side of your neck, sir.
99
00:03:57,148 --> 00:03:58,582
Oh, my God, Peter!
100
00:03:58,616 --> 00:04:00,384
How long have you
had that thing?
101
00:04:00,418 --> 00:04:01,551
I-I don't know.
102
00:04:01,586 --> 00:04:03,654
We got to go see
Dr. Hartman right away.
103
00:04:03,688 --> 00:04:05,522
Oh, my God, what if
it's something serious?
104
00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:06,923
It's all right,
it's all right.
105
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,825
We'll be in good hands
with Dr. Hartman.
106
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,794
He handled
my reassignment surgery.
107
00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:14,231
I think, emotionally, I've
always been a lizard, you know?
108
00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:15,732
And now, I feel
comfortable finally
109
00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:17,167
in my leathery,
scaly skin.
110
00:04:17,201 --> 00:04:18,669
Kids, if you need me,
111
00:04:18,703 --> 00:04:21,538
I'll be on the wall making
rapid, darting glances.
112
00:04:23,775 --> 00:04:26,176
Is this just to get out
of my parents' visit?
113
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:27,344
No.
114
00:04:28,546 --> 00:04:30,547
Hello!
115
00:04:34,152 --> 00:04:35,986
No, you're stupid!
116
00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,421
Oh, hello, Griffins.
117
00:04:37,455 --> 00:04:39,089
What can I help
you with today?
118
00:04:39,123 --> 00:04:42,526
Dr. Hartman, Peter has a huge
lump growing on his neck.
119
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,927
Mrs. Griffin,
that's called a "head."
120
00:04:43,961 --> 00:04:45,562
I've been fooled
by that one before.
121
00:04:45,596 --> 00:04:47,331
Well, will you
take a look at it?
122
00:04:47,365 --> 00:04:48,832
I think it might
be a tumor.
123
00:04:48,866 --> 00:04:50,267
Okay, let's
have a look.
124
00:04:51,302 --> 00:04:53,770
Oh, yes, it appears
that there is a...
125
00:04:53,805 --> 00:04:55,105
Great rack, by the way.
126
00:04:55,139 --> 00:04:56,340
Thank you.
127
00:04:56,374 --> 00:04:57,841
Well, thank Grandma
Griffin, really.
128
00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:00,610
It appears you have
a subcutaneous vestigial twin
129
00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:01,912
growing on your neck.
130
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:03,280
What is that?
131
00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:04,681
Well, it's
an incomplete twin
132
00:05:04,716 --> 00:05:06,516
that never developed
into a fully-formed person
133
00:05:06,551 --> 00:05:08,852
but still exists as a growth
feeding off your body.
134
00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,120
Now, hold still.
135
00:05:10,154 --> 00:05:11,888
I'm just gonna give you
a little topical anesthetic,
136
00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,090
and we'll have
a closer look.
137
00:05:17,028 --> 00:05:18,061
Hi, everybody!
138
00:05:18,096 --> 00:05:19,796
Aah! What the
hell is that?!
139
00:05:19,831 --> 00:05:21,765
Oh, my God!
It's a little me!
140
00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:24,067
Well, it looks as if he's more
fully formed than we thought.
141
00:05:24,102 --> 00:05:26,570
Wow, your wife
is gorgeous!
142
00:05:26,604 --> 00:05:28,105
Is that a foot?
143
00:05:28,139 --> 00:05:29,272
Almost!
144
00:05:29,307 --> 00:05:30,540
This is awesome!
145
00:05:30,575 --> 00:05:32,209
Finally, I'll have an
interesting silhouette
146
00:05:32,243 --> 00:05:34,611
for the beginning of
my spoken-word jazz.
147
00:05:37,348 --> 00:05:39,316
I left...
148
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:41,318
my poem...
149
00:05:41,352 --> 00:05:43,353
at home.
150
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:50,268
We now return to Quantum Creep.
151
00:05:54,306 --> 00:05:56,274
Al, what year is it?
152
00:05:56,308 --> 00:05:58,276
1972.
Cool.
153
00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,745
I'm gonna go show my penis
to some kids.
154
00:06:00,779 --> 00:06:03,314
Hey, Dad. How'd it
go at the hospital?
155
00:06:03,349 --> 00:06:05,149
Kids, remember
how when you were little,
156
00:06:05,184 --> 00:06:06,718
you always wanted
a neck uncle?
157
00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:08,553
No.
Well, now you got one!
158
00:06:09,822 --> 00:06:11,255
What is that thing?!
159
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:12,857
This is my vestigial twin.
160
00:06:12,891 --> 00:06:14,092
I named him Chip.
161
00:06:14,126 --> 00:06:15,827
You know, like
"chip off the old neck."
162
00:06:15,861 --> 00:06:17,929
I like to poke him
'cause it makes him happy,
163
00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:20,064
and I feel it a little bit
in my nads.
164
00:06:22,768 --> 00:06:24,369
Well, keep that freakish thing
under wraps.
165
00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:26,137
I don't want it
cramping my style
166
00:06:26,171 --> 00:06:27,638
while I'm macking on toddlers.
167
00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:34,178
See you around, bitch.
168
00:06:34,213 --> 00:06:36,581
You know, Lois, a lot of times
you go into someone's house,
169
00:06:36,615 --> 00:06:38,549
and it's just a house,
but you can tell
170
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:41,052
this is a home
by all the love here.
171
00:06:41,086 --> 00:06:42,487
Aw! Aw!
Aw! Aw!
172
00:06:42,521 --> 00:06:45,156
Peter, this seems unnatural,
and, quite frankly, dangerous.
173
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:47,692
Hey, you must be the owner
of that Prius outside.
174
00:06:47,726 --> 00:06:49,093
Thanks for saving
the world.
175
00:06:49,128 --> 00:06:50,495
He gets it.
176
00:06:50,529 --> 00:06:53,097
He gets what we Prius
owners are trying to do.
177
00:06:53,165 --> 00:06:55,199
Wow, the world
is such a cool place.
178
00:06:55,234 --> 00:06:57,201
There's so much
I want to do and see!
179
00:06:57,236 --> 00:06:59,771
Oh, he's such a great
energy to have around.
180
00:06:59,805 --> 00:07:02,840
Ah, Chip, I am gonna show you
all kinds of cool stuff.
181
00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:06,110
My Hot Wheels, my lawn darts,
even my new musket.
182
00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:10,248
Peter, what the
hell are you doing?
183
00:07:10,282 --> 00:07:12,350
Lois, I thought
I heard a noise downstairs.
184
00:07:12,384 --> 00:07:13,751
Go stall 'em for 20 minutes
185
00:07:13,786 --> 00:07:15,853
and pray that it's not
too damp in here.
186
00:07:17,856 --> 00:07:19,624
Man, how do you know
so many songs?
187
00:07:19,658 --> 00:07:21,626
Oh, when you're trapped
under a layer of fat,
188
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,995
a muffled folk song
is like manna from Heaven.
189
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:25,263
Give me a C.
190
00:07:26,932 --> 00:07:29,867
♪ Michael, row
the boat ashore ♪
191
00:07:29,902 --> 00:07:33,271
♪ Hallelujah
192
00:07:33,305 --> 00:07:36,441
♪ Michael, row the boat ashore
193
00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:39,343
♪ Hallelujah
194
00:07:39,378 --> 00:07:41,546
Sister, help
to trim the sail.
195
00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:44,715
♪ Sister, help
to trim the sail ♪
196
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,718
♪ Hallelujah
197
00:07:47,753 --> 00:07:50,021
♪ Sister, help to trim...
198
00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:52,557
Aah! Run!
199
00:07:52,591 --> 00:07:55,993
No, Peter, gently stroke
his snout counterclockwise.
200
00:07:59,231 --> 00:08:00,898
Wow, it's working.
201
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:03,434
There's a universal language
for all creatures,
202
00:08:03,469 --> 00:08:04,902
and it's called love.
203
00:08:04,937 --> 00:08:06,671
Now, how about
that River Jordan?
204
00:08:06,705 --> 00:08:10,141
♪ River Jordan
is deep and wide ♪
205
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:13,110
♪ Hallelujah
206
00:08:13,145 --> 00:08:14,479
Join us, bear!
207
00:08:14,513 --> 00:08:17,582
♪ Milk and honey
on the other side ♪
208
00:08:17,616 --> 00:08:21,018
♪ Hallelujah.
209
00:08:25,457 --> 00:08:27,225
Good morning, boys.
210
00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:28,926
What's in store
for today?
211
00:08:28,961 --> 00:08:31,262
Well, I thought we'd start
with a vigorous power walk
212
00:08:31,296 --> 00:08:32,697
around the neighborhood.
213
00:08:32,731 --> 00:08:35,500
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was thinking
we would just watch Dr. Oz
214
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,368
and eat cold cuts
off our stomach.
215
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:42,740
Those people ain't taking
good care of themselves.
216
00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:45,009
What?! But there's so much
to do and experience!
217
00:08:45,043 --> 00:08:46,277
Did you know
218
00:08:46,311 --> 00:08:48,312
that the Quahog Museum
has an interactive display
219
00:08:48,347 --> 00:08:50,014
on the history
of the garment district?
220
00:08:50,048 --> 00:08:51,728
Oh, look, Chip, Chip,
slow down, all right?
221
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,384
You know, just because
everything's new to you
222
00:08:53,418 --> 00:08:55,353
doesn't mean
you have to do it all at once.
223
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:57,388
Peter, where's your sense
of fun and adventure?
224
00:08:57,422 --> 00:08:59,590
You're starting to sound
like a stick-in-the-mud.
225
00:08:59,625 --> 00:09:01,292
Well, that stuff
sounds exhausting.
226
00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:03,661
I'm just being honest,
like George Washington.
227
00:09:03,695 --> 00:09:06,130
George, did you chop down
our cherry tree?
228
00:09:06,164 --> 00:09:08,432
I cannot tell
a lie. Yes.
229
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:10,968
And what is this pamphlet
I found under your bed
230
00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,837
called "The Boston He Party?"
231
00:09:12,871 --> 00:09:14,605
Not mine.
232
00:09:19,211 --> 00:09:21,546
Wow! Is there any
better time in the world
233
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:23,681
than 11:00 a.m.
on a Wednesday?
234
00:09:23,715 --> 00:09:26,551
You already have two days
of hard work under your belt,
235
00:09:26,585 --> 00:09:28,553
and there's so much
more work to come.
236
00:09:28,587 --> 00:09:30,721
Look, I'm trying to get
this stuff done here.
237
00:09:30,756 --> 00:09:32,924
Griffin, did you finish
those purchasing reports?
238
00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:34,592
Oh, that voice!
239
00:09:34,626 --> 00:09:36,227
It's like God sneezing!
240
00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:37,461
What the hell is this?
241
00:09:37,496 --> 00:09:39,096
They found a guy
on my neck.
242
00:09:39,131 --> 00:09:40,364
Hello there.
243
00:09:40,399 --> 00:09:42,934
I've never met a supervisor,
slash supermodel before.
244
00:09:42,968 --> 00:09:44,569
Do you like crab?
245
00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:47,138
There's a knockout crab place
right around the corner.
246
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,506
What the hell are you doing?
247
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:50,508
I'm using my knowledge
of the local food scene
248
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,677
to get this woman
to go to bed with me.
249
00:09:53,712 --> 00:09:55,846
Well, now we know.
250
00:09:55,881 --> 00:09:58,182
I can taste
what he eats.
251
00:10:00,218 --> 00:10:02,520
What are we watching?
Oh, it's just a tennis match.
252
00:10:02,554 --> 00:10:04,355
So this is tennis!
253
00:10:04,389 --> 00:10:05,590
Wow!
254
00:10:05,624 --> 00:10:10,595
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
255
00:10:10,629 --> 00:10:11,929
15-love.
256
00:10:11,964 --> 00:10:13,331
That was just one point?!
257
00:10:13,365 --> 00:10:16,100
Federer and Hastings are known
for their long rallies.
258
00:10:16,134 --> 00:10:17,401
Federer to serve.
259
00:10:17,436 --> 00:10:22,273
Wow! Wow! Wow!
Wow! Wow!
260
00:10:22,307 --> 00:10:24,342
Wow! Wow!
261
00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:28,279
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!
262
00:10:28,313 --> 00:10:29,680
Wow!
263
00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:30,848
15 all.
264
00:10:30,882 --> 00:10:32,283
And this is just
the first game
265
00:10:32,317 --> 00:10:34,418
of the first round
of a three-week tournament?
266
00:10:34,453 --> 00:10:35,720
Yay!
267
00:10:35,754 --> 00:10:37,388
This is more painful
than sitting
268
00:10:37,422 --> 00:10:39,690
through those
parent-teacher-cheetah meetings.
269
00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:41,959
So, in short, your kids
are all doing great.
270
00:10:41,994 --> 00:10:43,461
Keep reading to
them every night,
271
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:45,696
and I think we're gonna
have a great year.
272
00:10:45,731 --> 00:10:47,131
So unless there
are any questions,
273
00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:48,399
thank you all
for coming.
274
00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:50,601
Uh, yeah, I noticed
the hot lunch menu
275
00:10:50,636 --> 00:10:52,436
doesn't feature
any gazelle.
276
00:10:53,672 --> 00:10:55,506
I'll bring that
up to the board.
277
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:57,775
Yeah. See, I-I heard
that last year,
278
00:10:57,809 --> 00:11:00,745
and...
here we are again.
279
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:05,750
Listen, Doc, is
there any way
280
00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:07,685
you can have this thing
on my neck removed?
281
00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:09,987
Well, Mr. Griffin, your organs
and his are intertwined.
282
00:11:10,022 --> 00:11:11,589
That would be a highly
dangerous procedure.
283
00:11:11,623 --> 00:11:12,890
You could die.
284
00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:14,659
On the other hand,
if you live,
285
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:16,560
I'll let you pick any prize
off that shelf.
286
00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:18,129
Even the tiny
pinball machine?
287
00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:19,897
Oh, that-that shouldn't
have been up there.
288
00:11:19,931 --> 00:11:21,966
Look, Doc, you got to do
the procedure, all right?
289
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,401
I-I don't care
if I die.
290
00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:25,002
I mean, maybe in
my next life,
291
00:11:25,037 --> 00:11:26,937
I'll come back as an
air bag or something.
292
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:34,211
It's okay. It's okay.
Peter's got you.
293
00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:35,513
Don't you worry.
294
00:11:35,547 --> 00:11:37,114
Everything's gonna
be all right.
295
00:11:37,149 --> 00:11:38,473
Is my wife okay?
296
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,498
No, the ski boots
that was in the back
297
00:11:40,519 --> 00:11:42,520
flew up and chopped
her head off.
298
00:11:42,554 --> 00:11:45,790
You can turn your blinker
off now; it's very annoying.
299
00:12:00,839 --> 00:12:02,707
Nurse, have somebody
fix that clock.
300
00:12:02,741 --> 00:12:03,874
It's very distracting.
301
00:12:03,909 --> 00:12:06,010
All right,
let's get this started.
302
00:12:12,851 --> 00:12:14,819
All right, halfway done.
303
00:12:14,853 --> 00:12:16,487
Time for a break.
304
00:12:21,426 --> 00:12:23,427
♪ I hate myself
305
00:12:23,462 --> 00:12:25,529
♪ For loving you
306
00:12:25,564 --> 00:12:27,298
♪ Can't break free
307
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:29,667
♪ From the things
that you do... ♪
308
00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:35,973
Oh, God, I'm
so nervous.
309
00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:38,242
Thank God Stewie's too
little to understand.
310
00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:40,845
Look at him over there,
playing that board game.
311
00:12:40,879 --> 00:12:42,246
Ah, three.
312
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,482
Okay, one, two...
313
00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:46,183
Sorry!
314
00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:49,520
Sorry! The board game
that teaches you to be a dick.
315
00:12:50,789 --> 00:12:53,190
Dr. Hartman, is everything
all right with my dad?
316
00:12:53,225 --> 00:12:55,693
Griffins, I'm
afraid we lost him.
317
00:12:55,727 --> 00:12:57,695
What?!
Oh, my God!
318
00:12:57,729 --> 00:12:59,463
Hey, guys.
Oh, there he is.
319
00:12:59,498 --> 00:13:01,499
It worked!
I'm free at last!
320
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:03,567
But what about Chip?
Where's Chip?
321
00:13:03,602 --> 00:13:06,704
Hey, everybody,
look who's walking!
322
00:13:06,738 --> 00:13:08,539
Chip!
323
00:13:08,573 --> 00:13:11,041
Oh, Chip,
I'm so glad you're okay.
324
00:13:11,076 --> 00:13:12,877
Yeah, and I'm
okay, too.
325
00:13:12,911 --> 00:13:15,212
So, uh, you know, Chip,
now that you're a free man,
326
00:13:15,247 --> 00:13:17,081
this is a chance
for you to go out
327
00:13:17,115 --> 00:13:18,716
and make a real life
for yourself someplace.
328
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:19,850
I'll tell you what,
329
00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,485
anywhere you want to
go, I'll FedEx you.
330
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,154
What are you
talking about, Peter?
331
00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:25,156
Chip is part of our family.
332
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:27,057
He's staying with us.
What?!
333
00:13:27,092 --> 00:13:29,260
Yay!
Yay! Awesome!
334
00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:31,128
Hey, hey, Dad?
Yeah, I'm done.
335
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:32,997
Can you pick me up?
336
00:13:33,031 --> 00:13:35,032
Oh, that's okay;
I have a book.
337
00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:43,295
Oh, hey, Peter.
338
00:13:43,329 --> 00:13:44,796
Lois, where's the couch?
339
00:13:44,831 --> 00:13:47,299
Chip redecorated the room
to improve the feng shui.
340
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:50,268
He said our old furniture was
blocking the flow of energy.
341
00:13:50,303 --> 00:13:52,904
I had my life's
fart savings in that couch!
342
00:13:52,939 --> 00:13:55,273
And where are the drapes?
Chip took them
343
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,704
to make play clothes
for the children.
344
00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:57,843
What?!
345
00:14:02,949 --> 00:14:04,549
Oh, hey, Peter.
You're home.
346
00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:06,218
Hi, Dad!
Hi, Daddy.
347
00:14:06,252 --> 00:14:07,853
We dug a lake
for this!
348
00:14:07,887 --> 00:14:09,388
Whoa!
349
00:14:10,423 --> 00:14:12,190
Come out of that water at once!
350
00:14:12,225 --> 00:14:13,792
Gosh, isn't Chip
wonderful?
351
00:14:13,826 --> 00:14:15,494
No, he's not wonderful,
Lois; he's annoying.
352
00:14:15,528 --> 00:14:18,163
I don't get why everyone's
so in love with that guy.
353
00:14:18,197 --> 00:14:20,532
What's so great about him?
Well, to be honest,
354
00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:23,702
the same thing that used to be
so great about you.
355
00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:25,237
What? What are you
talking about?
356
00:14:25,271 --> 00:14:26,705
Just that when
you were younger,
357
00:14:26,739 --> 00:14:29,274
you were as passionate
and full of life as him.
358
00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:32,511
Hey, boys,
359
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,713
catch me
if you can!
360
00:14:36,816 --> 00:14:38,884
Oh, crap!
I didn't realize they had bikes!
361
00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:41,153
What are they gonna do
when they catch me?
362
00:14:41,187 --> 00:14:43,355
Oh, boy, I got a
back-of-the-head punch coming,
363
00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:44,690
I just know it!
364
00:14:50,496 --> 00:14:53,465
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
365
00:14:53,499 --> 00:14:55,834
What the hell?
♪ Is violence in movies
366
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,703
♪ And sex on TV
367
00:14:57,737 --> 00:15:01,239
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
368
00:15:01,274 --> 00:15:03,508
♪ On which we used to rely?
369
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:05,711
What the...? What the
hell is going on here?
370
00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:07,512
You're singing our
song without me?
371
00:15:07,547 --> 00:15:09,448
Oh, sorry, Peter,
we couldn't find you.
372
00:15:09,482 --> 00:15:11,516
Do you want to sing
your part, Peter?
373
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:13,051
Go ahead.
374
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,253
♪ But where are
the fashioned ♪
375
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:16,922
♪ Good fashion...
376
00:15:16,956 --> 00:15:19,591
I don't want to!
377
00:15:23,196 --> 00:15:24,930
I tell you,
Chip is making my life
378
00:15:24,964 --> 00:15:26,264
a living hell,
you guys.
379
00:15:26,299 --> 00:15:28,500
Remind me again, Chip is
that African kid you adopted?
380
00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:30,769
No, that was Chocolate Chip.
We gave him back to Kenya.
381
00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:33,438
But I can't take it anymore.
I got to get rid of him.
382
00:15:33,473 --> 00:15:35,440
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know yet,
383
00:15:35,475 --> 00:15:36,641
but I'll come up
with something.
384
00:15:36,676 --> 00:15:38,343
After all, I'm the guy
who invented
385
00:15:38,377 --> 00:15:40,579
"Choose Your Own Adventure
or Have Pie in Bed."
386
00:15:40,613 --> 00:15:42,681
I picked the pie again.
387
00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:51,723
Hey, welcome back to
the Mikey Tony Magnanimous Hour,
388
00:15:51,758 --> 00:15:54,326
where real people get
magnanimous about real things.
389
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,762
This week's real thing--
hey, Native Americans,
390
00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:58,764
if I saw you
on the street begging,
391
00:15:58,798 --> 00:16:00,665
I'd throw a buck
in your moccasin.
392
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,434
Next week's magnanimous thing--
393
00:16:02,468 --> 00:16:05,237
I'm wearing this yellow
bracelet. You're welcome.
394
00:16:05,271 --> 00:16:07,572
Peter, what the
hell is that thing?
395
00:16:07,607 --> 00:16:09,574
It's a dingo.
I named him Bingo.
396
00:16:09,609 --> 00:16:11,710
If you can't have fun
with that, you're crazy.
397
00:16:13,780 --> 00:16:14,880
Hey, Peter.
398
00:16:14,914 --> 00:16:16,214
Wh-What's that?
399
00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:18,850
Oh, he's gonna turn you
into a pile on Joe's lawn.
400
00:16:18,885 --> 00:16:20,886
What?!
Here, let's play steak catch.
401
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,120
Oh, boy, I got it!
402
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:23,455
Hey, back to you, Peter!
403
00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:25,190
Ah, cool! Steak catch!
404
00:16:25,224 --> 00:16:27,592
I'm gonna use my one
steak-in-the-pants time-out.
405
00:16:27,627 --> 00:16:29,961
Aah! No! Not me! Not me!
406
00:16:29,996 --> 00:16:31,463
Attack him! Aah!
407
00:16:31,497 --> 00:16:34,933
Hey, um, it's 3:00 p.m.
Should I give up on breakfast?
408
00:16:35,968 --> 00:16:37,068
Aah! Brian!
409
00:16:37,103 --> 00:16:38,503
Browser history--
clear it!
410
00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:42,307
Peter, that dingo was meant
to eat me, wasn't it?
411
00:16:42,341 --> 00:16:43,942
Why would you do that?
412
00:16:43,976 --> 00:16:46,411
Because my life was fine
before you showed up.
413
00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:48,847
My family liked me,
and-and I didn't feel bad
414
00:16:48,881 --> 00:16:50,582
about not ever doing new stuff.
415
00:16:50,616 --> 00:16:53,084
Well, I never asked to
grow out of your neck.
416
00:16:53,119 --> 00:16:56,121
My life was better
before I met you, too!
417
00:16:56,155 --> 00:16:59,024
You're a terrible brother,
husband and father.
418
00:16:59,058 --> 00:17:01,526
I'm out of here,
and you could go to hell!
419
00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:04,429
Wow, what a nice day out!
Look! A rainbow!
420
00:17:04,463 --> 00:17:05,964
I did it.
421
00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:07,399
He's gone.
422
00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:10,869
Just as easy as
the creation of techno music.
423
00:17:10,903 --> 00:17:12,838
Wait a minute,
what key are we in?
424
00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:14,873
No, no, no, no,
no, none of that.
425
00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,446
Oh, hey, Peter.
Where's Chip?
426
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,215
I haven't seen him
all day.
427
00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:24,983
He likes to yell out
"Good luck!"
428
00:17:25,017 --> 00:17:26,785
after they read
each lottery number.
429
00:17:26,819 --> 00:17:28,420
He's gone.
I threw him out.
430
00:17:28,454 --> 00:17:29,654
You what?
No!
431
00:17:29,689 --> 00:17:31,489
Peter, how could you?
432
00:17:31,524 --> 00:17:33,558
Whoa, whoa, what are you all
coming down on me for?
433
00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:35,993
Meg throws away people who come
out of her body all the time,
434
00:17:35,995 --> 00:17:36,995
nobody says nothing.
435
00:17:37,029 --> 00:17:39,064
Peter, Chip was
a part of our family.
436
00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:40,232
And he's so little.
437
00:17:40,266 --> 00:17:42,367
He can get hurt
out there on his own.
438
00:17:42,401 --> 00:17:43,969
We got to go find him.
439
00:17:44,003 --> 00:17:46,304
We should look for him
in the ball pit at McDonald's.
440
00:17:46,339 --> 00:17:48,419
You can just leave me there;
I'll conduct the search.
441
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:50,175
Meg's right!
Come on, kids,
442
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:52,744
let's go find Chip
and bring him back!
443
00:17:52,778 --> 00:17:55,347
You guys do whatever you want.
I got stuff to do, anyway.
444
00:17:55,381 --> 00:17:57,349
I got to get ready
for my Bar Mitzvah.
445
00:17:57,383 --> 00:17:59,117
♪ Baruch atah Adonai
446
00:17:59,151 --> 00:18:01,786
♪ I want fancy things
like my friend Ephraim ♪
447
00:18:01,821 --> 00:18:03,421
♪ I want the newest
ten-speed bicycle ♪
448
00:18:03,456 --> 00:18:06,324
♪ That I will ride once, but
then I will call my parents ♪
449
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,026
♪ And have them come get me
450
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:11,162
♪ I want to swim in the pool
but only with my shirt on ♪
451
00:18:11,197 --> 00:18:13,231
♪ I want to lose
my virginity at 24 ♪
452
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:14,866
♪ But tell everyone
I was 16... ♪
453
00:18:19,105 --> 00:18:21,806
Ah, crap, I'm out of beer.
454
00:18:23,109 --> 00:18:25,310
Great. I have to walk
down these stairs
455
00:18:25,344 --> 00:18:28,046
the one day I wore heels.
456
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:33,451
Son of a bitch!
457
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,287
I think I broke my leg!
458
00:18:37,790 --> 00:18:40,558
There's no way I'm gonna make it
back up those stairs.
459
00:18:43,229 --> 00:18:44,629
Nope.
460
00:18:46,232 --> 00:18:48,600
Peter? It's me, Chip.
461
00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:51,603
Listen, I... I'm sorry
for the mean things I said.
462
00:18:51,637 --> 00:18:53,805
Help!
Peter?
463
00:18:55,675 --> 00:18:57,909
Holy smokes!
Peter, are you okay?
464
00:18:57,944 --> 00:18:59,444
These books was already
down here!
465
00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:00,712
I'm not a nerd!
466
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,814
Oh, my God!
467
00:19:02,848 --> 00:19:05,550
We got to get this leg set
and get you to the hospital!
468
00:19:05,584 --> 00:19:07,886
Oh, cool. That's the place
with all the Ghostbusters cars!
469
00:19:27,807 --> 00:19:30,041
If you had only done that
while you were here,
470
00:19:30,076 --> 00:19:31,543
we wouldn't be in this mess.
471
00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:37,349
Mr. Griffin,
you're a lucky man.
472
00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:40,218
If it weren't for Chip here,
you might have lost your leg.
473
00:19:40,252 --> 00:19:41,953
The bad news is,
we did an X-ray,
474
00:19:41,988 --> 00:19:44,322
and your body is full
of a spooky skeleton man.
475
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:47,058
Gosh, Chip, I don't
know how to thank you.
476
00:19:47,093 --> 00:19:48,493
No problem, Peter.
477
00:19:48,527 --> 00:19:50,462
You would have done
the same thing for me.
478
00:19:50,496 --> 00:19:53,131
You know, Chip, Lois
was right about you.
479
00:19:53,165 --> 00:19:54,866
You are special.
480
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,936
You've got all the sense of
wonder that I somehow lost.
481
00:19:57,970 --> 00:20:00,138
I got so used to watching TV
482
00:20:00,172 --> 00:20:02,374
and looking for tiny
jean fibers in my nuts,
483
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:05,310
I forgot there's a whole
world out there to experience.
484
00:20:05,344 --> 00:20:06,911
Thank you for
showing me that.
485
00:20:06,946 --> 00:20:08,646
As far as I'm concerned,
486
00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:10,849
you're a permanent
part of our family now.
487
00:20:10,883 --> 00:20:13,585
Well, that sure is nice of you,
Peter, but...
488
00:20:13,619 --> 00:20:15,887
there's a big old world
out there.
489
00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:18,490
I want to go out
and experience it for myself.
490
00:20:18,524 --> 00:20:20,191
Aw!
Why?
491
00:20:20,226 --> 00:20:23,628
Well, I'm sorry to see you go,
but I understand.
492
00:20:23,662 --> 00:20:25,864
Oh, we're gonna miss you, Chip.
493
00:20:29,435 --> 00:20:33,238
I'm too tough to cry,
but I'm gonna miss you, too.
494
00:20:36,942 --> 00:20:39,210
Safe travels, buddy,
and keep in touch.
495
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:40,578
I will!
496
00:20:40,613 --> 00:20:43,014
Whee!
497
00:20:43,049 --> 00:20:44,749
Good-bye, Chip!
Bye!
498
00:20:44,784 --> 00:20:46,918
Come back soon, okay?
499
00:20:46,952 --> 00:20:48,753
But Chip never did come back.
500
00:20:48,821 --> 00:20:52,985
He became the new, young,
funny kid on ABC's The Middle.
501
00:20:55,299 --> 00:20:57,300
Wow! This is just a whole
bunch of loud garbage!
502
00:20:57,325 --> 00:21:02,325
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man