1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,710
Kids, it was two days
2
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:05,328
before Barney
and Robin's wedding,
3
00:00:05,330 --> 00:00:07,780
and everything was going off
without a hitch.
4
00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:08,981
Ah.
5
00:00:08,983 --> 00:00:10,433
Been waiting for the
perfect time for this,
6
00:00:10,435 --> 00:00:12,001
and, my friend,
that time is...
7
00:00:12,003 --> 00:00:14,453
I saw you and Robin
at the carousel.
8
00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:17,673
Okay, there was
one slight hitch.
9
00:00:17,675 --> 00:00:20,059
She called me to help her,
10
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,444
and there you were
11
00:00:21,446 --> 00:00:22,645
in the rain
12
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,580
holding hands with my fiancée.
13
00:00:28,519 --> 00:00:29,736
What up?
14
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,303
Nothing up.
15
00:00:31,305 --> 00:00:32,271
Everything down.
16
00:00:32,273 --> 00:00:34,440
All parts of me down.
17
00:00:34,442 --> 00:00:35,474
Look,
18
00:00:35,476 --> 00:00:37,860
you were busy,
so I-I...
19
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:39,028
I went to the park
to help her look
20
00:00:39,030 --> 00:00:40,446
for this locket
she buried years ago.
21
00:00:40,448 --> 00:00:42,148
She couldn't find it,
she got upset,
22
00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:44,250
I held her hand. End of story.
23
00:00:47,204 --> 00:00:49,122
Cool! I just wanted
to air that out.
24
00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:50,706
You know, bro to bro.
25
00:00:50,708 --> 00:00:52,508
You're my best friend
and my best man.
26
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,726
Of course I trust you.
27
00:00:53,728 --> 00:00:55,094
Oh, come on.
28
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,263
You don't have to cry about it.
29
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,932
It's not that.
30
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:03,302
That was a $600 bottle
of scotch.
31
00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:06,105
Oh, my God.
32
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,145
I hope Marshall gets here
for the rehearsal dinner.
33
00:01:12,147 --> 00:01:13,362
Thank you, Linus.
34
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:16,482
He's somewhere in Wisconsin
in a rental car.
35
00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:18,117
Hertz?
I mean, it hurts a little
36
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,403
but I'm not gonna
cry about it. Hey!
37
00:01:20,405 --> 00:01:22,538
We've been doing that
all afternoon.
38
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:23,873
Oh, who's that for?
39
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,458
Marshpillow.
40
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,194
Kids, as you may recall,
whenever Marshall left town
41
00:01:28,196 --> 00:01:29,328
for a few days,
42
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,447
Lily would compensate
with a body pillow
43
00:01:31,449 --> 00:01:33,966
she dressed up
and named Marshpillow.
44
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,568
Pretty normal stuff.
45
00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,887
But with Marshall stuck driving
across the country,
46
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,922
Lily decided to upgrade.
47
00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:43,309
Meet Marshpillow 2.0!
48
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,811
Hey!
49
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,679
Am I on?
50
00:01:46,681 --> 00:01:48,714
Hey, guys!
51
00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:49,999
Hey, Marsh.
Hey, Marshall. Hey.
52
00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:50,766
It's like you're
really here.
53
00:01:50,768 --> 00:01:52,068
Hey, Ted.
54
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:55,271
Can you give me a
gander of the environs?
55
00:01:56,557 --> 00:01:58,274
Wow!
56
00:01:58,276 --> 00:02:02,395
This place
looks beautif...
57
00:02:03,730 --> 00:02:05,131
Wait for it.
58
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:07,416
He's frozen.
59
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:10,503
Same thing happened last night
at the worst possible time.
60
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:14,674
I had just gotten on all fours
and taken off my panti...
61
00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:20,796
Now Lily's frozen.
62
00:02:22,132 --> 00:02:26,132
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x04 ♪
The Broken Code
Original Air Date on October 7, 2013
63
00:02:26,157 --> 00:02:31,157
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
64
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,430
...ful.
65
00:02:38,432 --> 00:02:40,900
This place
is beautiful!
66
00:02:40,902 --> 00:02:43,236
Wow. Lily, it looks
like you really put
67
00:02:43,238 --> 00:02:45,071
some time
into this, huh?
68
00:02:45,907 --> 00:02:47,406
Though I wonder if
69
00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:48,774
instead of dressing up
70
00:02:48,776 --> 00:02:52,044
your giant husband doll
like Malibu Ken,
71
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,546
you could've spent
a minute or two--
72
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,014
I don't know--
73
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:57,717
planning the weak ass
bachelorette party you threw me?
74
00:03:02,923 --> 00:03:07,376
I-It's possible I forgot
to send out the Evite.
75
00:03:08,345 --> 00:03:09,478
Robin!
76
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,814
Happy bachelorette party!
77
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:15,184
You invited Patrice
to my bachelorette party?!
78
00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:17,136
No.
79
00:03:17,138 --> 00:03:18,404
You know, it's funny.
80
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:21,123
When I was planning
Barney's bachelor party,
81
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:25,278
I managed to wrangle
his boyhood hero, Billy Zabka,
82
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,946
from The Karate Kid.
83
00:03:26,948 --> 00:03:28,864
But you scored Patrice.
84
00:03:28,866 --> 00:03:30,333
I'm sorry, Robin.
85
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:34,453
I-I've just been so consumed
with our move to Rome.
86
00:03:34,455 --> 00:03:36,222
I guess I forgot
to invite
87
00:03:36,224 --> 00:03:37,506
the girls.
88
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,342
Yeah, Lily, I'd like
to show you how it's done.
89
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,428
Billy Zabka, what
a great guy.
90
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,314
Look at how thorough Ted was
planning the best man poker game
91
00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:46,849
he's throwing for Barney.
92
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,852
Wait, I think I'm on some sort
of delay here.
93
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,139
Best man visor
for the dealer.
94
00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,474
Customized playing cards.
95
00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:57,193
Barney's the king.
96
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,611
And...
97
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,762
the queens
98
00:03:59,764 --> 00:04:01,681
are naked.
99
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:03,466
It was my first decree.
100
00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:06,686
Hmm. Plus, Ted handwrote
all of the table cards
101
00:04:06,688 --> 00:04:08,638
for the reception
in calligraphy.
102
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,656
The man's a wizard
with a pen.
103
00:04:10,658 --> 00:04:12,925
Oh. I don't know
about all that.
104
00:04:12,927 --> 00:04:13,960
Though I was approached
105
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,128
by the decorating committee
to make the...
106
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,314
signs for our senior prom.
107
00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:21,817
I'm told they were
quite the hit.
108
00:04:21,819 --> 00:04:25,171
Hey, buddy, listen,
109
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:29,125
you're gonna kill me, but I
forgot to bring the table cards.
110
00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:31,510
Uh, I'd hate to ask
you to redo them...
111
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:33,896
Say no more.
The best man is on it.
112
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,599
Thanks, Ted.
113
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,701
S-So now the best man
114
00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:42,405
is painstakingly handwriting
200 table cards,
115
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,857
but my maid of
honor forgot
116
00:04:44,859 --> 00:04:47,927
to click "send"
on an Evite.
117
00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:49,662
I didn't forget
to invite the girls
118
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,997
to your bachelorette party.
119
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,865
You have no girls!
120
00:04:52,867 --> 00:04:54,083
What?
121
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,636
What?
122
00:04:56,638 --> 00:04:58,704
What?
123
00:04:58,706 --> 00:05:01,290
What? I...
All my girls.
124
00:05:01,975 --> 00:05:03,376
I gave you a list.
125
00:05:03,378 --> 00:05:04,593
This list?
126
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:05,544
Yeah.
127
00:05:05,546 --> 00:05:07,246
"Tall girl from work,
128
00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:10,049
"mouth-breather
from coffee shop,
129
00:05:10,051 --> 00:05:11,384
"average-sized
130
00:05:11,386 --> 00:05:13,386
girl from that place"?
131
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,638
Ooh. Sorry I didn't
track her down.
132
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,039
She sounds great!
133
00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:19,025
She's actually
kind of a bitch.
134
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,309
Face it, Robin.
135
00:05:20,311 --> 00:05:22,278
You hate women, and...
136
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,280
women hate you.
137
00:05:25,949 --> 00:05:27,533
Ted didn't go to his prom?
138
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,052
Classic.
139
00:05:30,054 --> 00:05:32,538
While Lily was dropping the
ball as Robin's maid of honor,
140
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,825
the best man was busy
knocking it out of the park.
141
00:05:36,994 --> 00:05:39,278
Hey, buddy, listen,
142
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,747
my great-aunt Ida has corns
on her feet
143
00:05:41,749 --> 00:05:43,499
and needs a first-floor room.
144
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,334
Uh, would you mind
switching rooms?
145
00:05:45,336 --> 00:05:47,470
Say no more.
The best man is on it.
146
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:48,554
Thanks, Ted.
147
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,737
Hey, buddy, listen,
148
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,522
the wedding doves
got here early,
149
00:06:06,524 --> 00:06:08,340
and I don't know
where to put 'em...
150
00:06:08,342 --> 00:06:10,860
Say no more.
The best man is on it!
151
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:12,361
Thanks, Ted.
152
00:06:12,363 --> 00:06:14,747
Poor guys.
153
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,366
All cooped up.
154
00:06:17,368 --> 00:06:22,037
I guess there's no harm in
letting you out for a bit, huh?
155
00:06:22,039 --> 00:06:24,440
They carpet-bombed
my entire room.
156
00:06:24,442 --> 00:06:25,741
Wish I'd closed
157
00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:28,427
my suitcase.
158
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:31,180
And my mouth.
159
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,832
Hey, buddy, listen,
160
00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:37,520
I see you wrote "N-O-period"
instead of the number sign.
161
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,722
I'm worried that might
confuse the guests...
162
00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:39,606
Say no more.
163
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,307
The best man is on it.
164
00:06:41,309 --> 00:06:42,725
Thanks, Ted.
165
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:44,510
Here they are.
166
00:06:44,512 --> 00:06:47,679
Freshly penned table cards
in a pretty decent chancery
167
00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:50,516
considering I only
had my travel quills.
168
00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:53,202
Wait. Why's the
poker game started?
169
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,021
Oh, um, the best man
moved the time.
170
00:06:56,023 --> 00:06:57,423
Mm, no, he didn't.
171
00:06:57,425 --> 00:06:58,791
Yes, he did.
172
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,226
Heya, Ted.
173
00:07:00,228 --> 00:07:02,711
Thanks for the sweet lid, bro.
174
00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:07,517
Billy Zabka's
your new best man?
175
00:07:07,518 --> 00:07:11,153
He's the best... around.
176
00:07:11,155 --> 00:07:13,003
Sorry, Ted.
Maybe next wedding.
177
00:07:13,004 --> 00:07:13,532
What...
178
00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,824
So you're playing the best man
poker game without me?
179
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:17,676
Tim Gunn's here and I'm not?
180
00:07:17,678 --> 00:07:20,446
I'm Barney's personal tailor,
of course I'm here.
181
00:07:20,448 --> 00:07:22,581
Plus, I've never
played poker before.
182
00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:24,833
It looks like a hoot.
183
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,218
I moved into a dungeon.
184
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:27,970
I wrote hundreds of cards.
185
00:07:27,972 --> 00:07:30,556
I even gave your batty
great-aunt Ida a foot massage
186
00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:33,542
so vigorous it put her to
sleep right there in the lobby.
187
00:07:33,544 --> 00:07:36,095
Yeah, I don't really have
a great-aunt Ida.
188
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:43,885
So you are mad about me
and Robin holding hands.
189
00:07:43,887 --> 00:07:45,237
Of course I'm mad, Ted.
190
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:46,322
Holding hands is, like,
191
00:07:46,324 --> 00:07:47,940
the fourth-grade equivalent
of banging.
192
00:07:47,942 --> 00:07:49,241
Well, in your case, 12th grade.
193
00:07:49,243 --> 00:07:50,292
Self-five.
194
00:07:50,294 --> 00:07:53,061
You broke the Bro Code.
195
00:07:53,063 --> 00:07:55,698
No, I did not. I only went
to help Robin as a friend
196
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:56,999
because you didn't show up.
197
00:07:57,001 --> 00:07:58,650
I did not break the Bro Code.
198
00:07:58,652 --> 00:07:59,702
It's in the text.
199
00:07:59,704 --> 00:08:02,121
A bro shall not have
a weird moment
200
00:08:02,123 --> 00:08:04,673
with another bro's fiancée.
Well,
201
00:08:04,675 --> 00:08:07,459
too bad we're in Farhampton
and can't actually check.
202
00:08:07,461 --> 00:08:09,795
I am pleased to announce
that the Bro Code has replaced
203
00:08:09,797 --> 00:08:12,631
the Gideons Bible at select
hotels throughout the country.
204
00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:15,351
Oh.
205
00:08:15,353 --> 00:08:17,586
I'm sorry I said
you hate women.
206
00:08:17,588 --> 00:08:18,887
Yeah, don't be.
207
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:20,723
For whatever reason,
I just...
208
00:08:20,725 --> 00:08:22,891
I can't seem to connect
with them. Down!
209
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,743
Can you help me?
I've got
210
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,228
a bunch more wedding gifts
in the van.
211
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:29,965
Yay! I love Robin so much!
212
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,034
Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle
that bitch.
213
00:08:32,036 --> 00:08:35,320
Robin, what is it
with you and women?
214
00:08:35,322 --> 00:08:37,423
They're so annoying.
215
00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:39,992
I'm glad that you're
my only female friend.
216
00:08:39,994 --> 00:08:41,960
Girls are always
whining and crying
217
00:08:41,962 --> 00:08:43,945
over every little thing.
218
00:08:45,115 --> 00:08:47,466
Yes. That's exactly...
219
00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:51,003
Thank you. "Oh, oh, boo-hoo.
220
00:08:51,005 --> 00:08:52,638
"Look at me.
I'm a sensitive
221
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,556
little girl..."
Oh. God, I'm sorry.
222
00:08:54,558 --> 00:08:55,974
You're actually crying.
223
00:08:55,976 --> 00:08:56,892
It's just
224
00:08:56,894 --> 00:08:58,761
so sad.
225
00:08:58,763 --> 00:09:01,847
I can't be your only girlfriend.
Well, I...
226
00:09:01,849 --> 00:09:04,233
I don't need anybody else.
I got... I got you.
227
00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:08,153
For another six days and then
I'm off to Rome for a year.
228
00:09:08,155 --> 00:09:11,857
What are you gonna do without
our Saturday morning brunch
229
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,410
with a side of sassy gossip?
230
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:16,895
A one-shot power play?!
231
00:09:16,897 --> 00:09:19,031
Hey! Hey, Boston!
232
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:20,332
Why not drop your hockey pants
233
00:09:20,334 --> 00:09:23,318
and actually take a dump
on the ice next time?!
234
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,989
I love it!
235
00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:31,844
See? It is just too horrible
to even think about.
236
00:09:31,846 --> 00:09:32,961
Yeah.
You...
237
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:35,214
need another female friend.
238
00:09:35,216 --> 00:09:36,965
Whenever I try to talk to women,
239
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,825
they look like they want
to punch me.
240
00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:39,752
Well,
241
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,721
maybe you're accidentally
giving off the wrong vibe.
242
00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:46,024
Like, what do you say
to other women at the gym?
243
00:09:46,026 --> 00:09:47,726
Oh, well, I haven't been
to the gym in forever.
244
00:09:47,728 --> 00:09:49,812
My metabolism is all messed up.
245
00:09:49,814 --> 00:09:52,197
See, I can moose down a pint
of fudge ripple
246
00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,901
for a midnight snack
and wake up having lost weight.
247
00:09:55,903 --> 00:09:57,069
Well, everywhere
248
00:09:57,071 --> 00:09:58,787
except for my boobs.
249
00:09:59,539 --> 00:10:00,873
So annoying.
250
00:10:02,525 --> 00:10:05,744
You're gonna need a lot of work.
251
00:10:05,746 --> 00:10:07,830
It's in here.
Somewhere.
252
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:09,781
I... It has to be.
253
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,867
Damn it, I know I should've done
these in alphabrotical order.
254
00:10:12,837 --> 00:10:14,503
Who cares about the Bro Code?
255
00:10:14,505 --> 00:10:16,472
It's just some stupid book
you made up.
256
00:10:16,474 --> 00:10:19,174
How dare you?
257
00:10:19,176 --> 00:10:22,511
The Bro Code has been around
for centuries.
258
00:10:22,513 --> 00:10:24,146
Nay...
259
00:10:24,148 --> 00:10:26,732
whatever's more
than centuries.
260
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,016
Please don't launch
into a fake history lesson.
261
00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:31,770
The Bro Code can trace
its lineage all the way back
262
00:10:31,772 --> 00:10:33,989
to Broses himself.
263
00:10:33,991 --> 00:10:37,025
Article one:
264
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,945
bros before ho's.
265
00:10:39,947 --> 00:10:41,413
Okay.
266
00:10:41,415 --> 00:10:43,282
I see what you're doing.
You can't prove that
267
00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:45,100
I broke the Bro Code, so you're
just making up stories about...
268
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,619
This sacred text
was eventually brought
269
00:10:47,621 --> 00:10:51,273
to the New World
in 1776 by none other
270
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,475
than Christopher Brolumbus.
271
00:10:53,477 --> 00:10:55,794
Article 62:
272
00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:59,932
a bro
who calls dibs first has dibs.
273
00:10:59,934 --> 00:11:02,651
Oh? Dibs!
274
00:11:02,653 --> 00:11:05,754
And that's why he got
to bang Pocahontas.
275
00:11:05,756 --> 00:11:07,249
Pocahontas was
with John Smith.
276
00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:08,174
Maybe
277
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:09,525
according to the hotel register.
278
00:11:09,527 --> 00:11:10,943
Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus
didn't know
279
00:11:10,945 --> 00:11:12,311
couldn't hurt her, am I right?
280
00:11:12,313 --> 00:11:14,112
Well, except maybe
that New World syphilis.
281
00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:15,280
But I digress.
282
00:11:15,282 --> 00:11:18,150
Barney, if you believe
in the Bro Code,
283
00:11:18,152 --> 00:11:19,868
how come you've broken it
so many times?
284
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:22,120
How dare you!
285
00:11:22,122 --> 00:11:24,489
I have never broken
the Bro Code!
286
00:11:24,491 --> 00:11:26,942
Hmm? Hmm? Ah.
287
00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:28,660
"Article 104:
288
00:11:28,662 --> 00:11:32,481
the mom of a bro
is always off limits."
289
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,634
Okay, look,
we've all had a lot of fun
290
00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:37,703
joking about me
banging your mom.
291
00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:39,087
Not all of us. Continue.
292
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:42,724
But I swear nothing ever
happened between the two of us.
293
00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:44,509
Trust me.
294
00:11:44,511 --> 00:11:47,128
And what's going on
with your fingers?
295
00:11:48,932 --> 00:11:51,183
That's how our bodies
were intertwined.
296
00:11:51,185 --> 00:11:53,085
All right, this
is ridiculous!
297
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,686
It's ridiculous
that you won't admit
298
00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:56,405
holding Robin's hand was weird.
299
00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:57,573
It wasn't weird!
300
00:11:57,575 --> 00:11:59,074
Yes, it was.
301
00:12:00,193 --> 00:12:01,777
You know what?
302
00:12:01,779 --> 00:12:06,281
We need a third
impartial bro to settle this.
303
00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:07,766
To resolve this,
304
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,518
I really need to parse
305
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,769
the text of the Bro Code.
306
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:11,920
It's too bad
307
00:12:11,922 --> 00:12:13,071
Marshall doesn't have a copy.
308
00:12:13,073 --> 00:12:15,240
Actually, I do.
309
00:12:15,242 --> 00:12:17,926
They were in the, uh,
seat back pockets on my flight
310
00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:19,461
in place of the safety cards.
311
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:21,897
I'm also pleased to announce
The Bro Code is now available
312
00:12:21,899 --> 00:12:23,599
in select airlines
across the country.
313
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:25,050
And Lufthansa.
314
00:12:25,052 --> 00:12:28,553
Der Bro Code is,
like, huge in Germany.
315
00:12:28,555 --> 00:12:30,472
Okay, so prove to me
316
00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:32,841
you can make a female friend.
317
00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:34,676
What about her?
318
00:12:34,678 --> 00:12:37,112
Ugh! The girl
with the bangs?
319
00:12:37,114 --> 00:12:39,514
Any chick who does that
to her hair
320
00:12:39,516 --> 00:12:41,400
is going through
a big life transition
321
00:12:41,402 --> 00:12:43,068
I don't want to hear about.
322
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,988
Next time, grow your bangs
long enough to cover your mouth.
323
00:12:45,990 --> 00:12:47,122
Ha-pass.
324
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:48,607
Okay, well...
325
00:12:48,609 --> 00:12:50,242
what about her?
326
00:12:50,244 --> 00:12:52,394
Ugh! Comfortable shoes?
327
00:12:53,497 --> 00:12:55,580
What, are you filibustering
later?
328
00:12:55,582 --> 00:12:57,466
It's after 5:00.
Put on some heels.
329
00:12:57,468 --> 00:12:58,467
Ha-pass.
330
00:12:58,469 --> 00:13:01,553
Okay, well, what about...?
Ugh!
331
00:13:01,555 --> 00:13:03,722
I haven't even pointed
to anyone yet!
332
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:05,474
Now,
333
00:13:05,476 --> 00:13:09,111
although not expressly stated
in the Bro Code,
334
00:13:09,113 --> 00:13:11,229
a weird moment between
335
00:13:11,231 --> 00:13:13,899
a bro and his bro's fiancée is,
336
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:17,152
in my bropinion... a violation.
337
00:13:17,154 --> 00:13:18,737
No!
Yes! However,
338
00:13:18,739 --> 00:13:21,056
Ted was helping Robin
as a friend.
339
00:13:21,058 --> 00:13:22,190
Therefore,
340
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:23,291
holding her hand
341
00:13:23,293 --> 00:13:25,944
isn't necessarily
a weird moment.
342
00:13:25,946 --> 00:13:27,562
No!
Yes!
343
00:13:27,564 --> 00:13:28,580
That being said...
344
00:13:28,582 --> 00:13:29,865
What?
345
00:13:29,867 --> 00:13:31,066
...if we decide
346
00:13:31,068 --> 00:13:33,618
that holding any friend's hand
is weird,
347
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:36,605
then, yes,
Ted did break the Bro Code.
348
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:37,806
So, the question
is this.
349
00:13:37,808 --> 00:13:39,558
If Ted had gone to the park
350
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,543
and held Barney's hand,
351
00:13:41,545 --> 00:13:43,779
would it have been weird?
352
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:47,015
No?
Yes?
353
00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:53,305
See?
354
00:13:55,025 --> 00:13:58,060
It's not weird at all.
355
00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:00,445
I don't know what to say.
356
00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:01,613
Just be yourself.
357
00:14:01,615 --> 00:14:02,898
Say something nice.
358
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:04,783
Which one? I can't do both.
359
00:14:09,105 --> 00:14:11,106
Slut alert.
360
00:14:11,108 --> 00:14:12,874
That's my 14-year-old daughter.
361
00:14:14,961 --> 00:14:17,028
Crappy mom alert.
362
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,163
Ugh!
363
00:14:18,165 --> 00:14:19,815
It's you. Nice bangs.
364
00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:23,802
What is wrong with you?!
365
00:14:23,804 --> 00:14:25,987
I can't do this, okay?
366
00:14:25,989 --> 00:14:27,422
I was raised as a boy.
367
00:14:27,424 --> 00:14:28,924
I don't get along with women.
368
00:14:28,926 --> 00:14:30,726
Can we just drop it?
369
00:14:30,728 --> 00:14:33,061
Okay, I never thought
I'd take a page
370
00:14:33,063 --> 00:14:35,797
out of your fiancé's
playbook, but...
371
00:14:35,799 --> 00:14:39,768
it's time to target
the crying chick.
372
00:14:41,354 --> 00:14:44,322
Not weird at all.
373
00:14:44,324 --> 00:14:46,024
Marshall,
374
00:14:46,026 --> 00:14:47,609
why are we
doing this?!
375
00:14:47,611 --> 00:14:50,195
Two dudes on a beach
with a lifeless blob
376
00:14:50,197 --> 00:14:51,813
they're pretending
is alive?
377
00:14:51,815 --> 00:14:53,031
It's stupid.
378
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:54,199
So, I guess that means
379
00:14:54,201 --> 00:14:56,501
Weekend at Bernie's
is stupid, too.
380
00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:58,453
E-Lawyered.
381
00:14:58,455 --> 00:15:00,288
Now, before
382
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,506
I can render a decision,
383
00:15:01,508 --> 00:15:03,158
we need to recreate
the variables
384
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,377
at the carousel
as closely as possible.
385
00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:08,630
Since Ted says
that he was comforting Robin,
386
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:09,831
he needs to do
387
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:13,919
the same for Barney,
so, Ted, comfort Barney.
388
00:15:13,921 --> 00:15:15,687
I don't see how that...
389
00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:17,639
Comfort... Barney.
390
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:23,111
Barney, what is
going on with you?
391
00:15:23,113 --> 00:15:25,514
Why are you
so upset with me?
392
00:15:25,516 --> 00:15:28,283
Marshall, this is stupid!
I don't...
393
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:29,985
Accept the comfort.
394
00:15:29,987 --> 00:15:32,404
Fine!
395
00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:36,741
I guess... I'm not
really mad at you.
396
00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,910
I'm mad at myself.
I should have met Robin
397
00:15:38,912 --> 00:15:40,829
at the carousel when she called,
398
00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:44,032
but I was having such a good
time greasing 12-year-olds.
399
00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,000
Laser tag.
400
00:15:45,002 --> 00:15:47,219
Helpful. Continue.
401
00:15:48,554 --> 00:15:51,706
Look, Ted, I'm sorry that
I've been taking it out on you.
402
00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:54,192
You were just being
a good friend to Robin.
403
00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:56,511
It's okay.
404
00:15:56,513 --> 00:15:58,930
It would be different if
you still had feelings for her,
405
00:15:58,932 --> 00:16:01,066
but you don't, right?
406
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:05,270
Right?
407
00:16:11,393 --> 00:16:12,928
Okay, now it's weird.
408
00:16:16,502 --> 00:16:19,020
You still have
feelings for Robin?!
409
00:16:19,022 --> 00:16:22,407
What?! What?! What?! What?!
410
00:16:22,409 --> 00:16:24,042
Okay, yes, sometimes I do.
411
00:16:24,044 --> 00:16:25,477
Well, then, turn 'em off!
412
00:16:25,479 --> 00:16:27,512
I would love to,
but it doesn't work that way!
413
00:16:27,514 --> 00:16:30,482
I'm a... I'm a human being.
I-I-I don't have an off switch.
414
00:16:30,484 --> 00:16:32,651
I'm shutting off.
415
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,371
There, there.
416
00:16:36,373 --> 00:16:38,373
Sister?
417
00:16:38,375 --> 00:16:41,493
Who needs a lady hug?
418
00:16:41,495 --> 00:16:43,545
Ugh! What the hell
are you doing?!
419
00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:46,064
Wait. Did you just
"ugh" my hug?
420
00:16:46,066 --> 00:16:47,165
I don't need a hug.
421
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:48,249
I'm pissed off because
422
00:16:48,251 --> 00:16:50,885
the Rangers just lost
to the Boston Bruins.
423
00:16:50,887 --> 00:16:53,204
I hate the Boston Bruins!
424
00:16:57,159 --> 00:16:58,843
Look, Barney,
I hate these feelings.
425
00:16:58,845 --> 00:17:00,812
I hate myself
for having these feelings.
426
00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:03,598
No one wishes they would go away
more than I do,
427
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,935
but I just... I... I can't seem
to make that happen. I've tried.
428
00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:08,386
Well, then, try harder!
429
00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:10,405
I'm marrying her
in less than two days!
430
00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:13,024
What the hell are we gonna do
about this?!
431
00:17:14,893 --> 00:17:18,196
As she watched Robin make
a new friend, Lily was happy...
432
00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:21,366
for two seconds.
433
00:17:21,368 --> 00:17:23,168
Oh, no!
Oh, come on, ref!
434
00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:25,086
I haven't seen that much
hooking go unpunished
435
00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:26,838
since my last
trip to Vegas.
436
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,708
And I was on that trip,
because we are best friends now.
437
00:17:30,794 --> 00:17:32,711
Hey,
438
00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:34,896
this might sound
a little nutty, but
439
00:17:34,898 --> 00:17:37,248
how about
we inject a sexual edge
440
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:38,633
into our abiding friendship
that...
441
00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:42,270
...in no way jeopardizes
our emotional connection,
442
00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,189
or respective marriages?!
443
00:17:45,225 --> 00:17:46,441
Aw!
444
00:17:46,443 --> 00:17:47,425
Hell, no!
445
00:17:47,427 --> 00:17:49,477
Excuse me.
446
00:17:49,479 --> 00:17:52,447
I've got a Boston Brewin',
if you know what I mean.
447
00:17:54,117 --> 00:17:56,368
You listen, and you listen good.
448
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,286
If I see your face
around Robin again,
449
00:17:58,288 --> 00:18:00,205
you will be crying
about a lot more
450
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,207
than your precious
New York Rogers.
451
00:18:02,209 --> 00:18:03,958
Rangers?
I will cut you!
452
00:18:09,348 --> 00:18:11,383
Forgot my purse.
453
00:18:13,553 --> 00:18:14,969
You know what?
454
00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:16,921
That's why I only need you.
455
00:18:16,923 --> 00:18:18,807
'Cause you're a psycho.
456
00:18:18,809 --> 00:18:20,742
My psycho.
457
00:18:20,744 --> 00:18:23,595
I am, aren't I?
Mm-hmm.
458
00:18:26,817 --> 00:18:28,083
There's the blushing bride!
459
00:18:28,085 --> 00:18:30,151
Back off, Patrice!
460
00:18:31,303 --> 00:18:35,973
Look, Barney, the truth is,
it was weird at the carousel.
461
00:18:35,975 --> 00:18:37,325
On some level,
it's probably been weird
462
00:18:37,327 --> 00:18:39,327
between me and Robin
ever since we broke up.
463
00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:40,412
But you're my brother.
464
00:18:40,414 --> 00:18:41,579
I would never do anything
465
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:42,947
to hurt you, ever.
466
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:44,666
I mean it, I swear!
467
00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:46,984
I'll-I'll even swear it
on the Bro Code.
468
00:18:46,986 --> 00:18:48,086
The Bro Code's stupid.
469
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,987
How dare you!
470
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:52,757
I'd be honored.
471
00:18:57,713 --> 00:19:01,216
I can't promise that I'll ever
get to a place where it won't be
472
00:19:01,218 --> 00:19:03,551
at least a little weird
between me and Robin.
473
00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:07,272
But I don't want to lose you
as a friend, either of you.
474
00:19:08,290 --> 00:19:10,308
So I will do everything I can
475
00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:12,977
to move on and live with it.
476
00:19:12,979 --> 00:19:17,348
The question is... can you?
477
00:19:21,872 --> 00:19:25,206
I'm sorry, Ted.
I just... can't do this.
478
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:27,859
I fold.
479
00:19:27,861 --> 00:19:31,379
What about the best man?
480
00:19:35,468 --> 00:19:36,468
I fold, too.
481
00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:38,253
I fold.
482
00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:39,537
There goes my belly buster.
483
00:19:39,539 --> 00:19:40,889
You sandbag all night,
484
00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:43,374
only to bluff a couple
of rags, pre-flop,
485
00:19:43,376 --> 00:19:45,093
and wind up
with a dry board.
486
00:19:45,095 --> 00:19:46,327
That's what you get
487
00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:49,731
for limping in shorts-tacked
with a pack of donkeys.
488
00:19:49,733 --> 00:19:51,850
Muck city.
489
00:19:54,186 --> 00:19:55,153
I fold!
490
00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:56,387
Yeah...
Oh, right. I knew that.
491
00:19:56,389 --> 00:19:58,022
I knew that, I knew that,
I knew that.
492
00:19:58,024 --> 00:19:59,324
Okay, two
players left.
493
00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:07,582
You are bluffing, robot man.
494
00:20:07,584 --> 00:20:09,200
I raise.
495
00:20:09,202 --> 00:20:10,869
Oh.
496
00:20:10,871 --> 00:20:12,904
Hey, Billy, do you mind
497
00:20:12,906 --> 00:20:16,341
pushing my chips
into the center of the pot?
498
00:20:16,343 --> 00:20:19,627
Preferably with gusto,
because...
499
00:20:19,629 --> 00:20:21,863
I'm all in!
500
00:20:21,865 --> 00:20:23,915
Oh!
Oh, boy!
501
00:20:23,917 --> 00:20:26,184
- All right, all right.
- Oh!
502
00:20:29,806 --> 00:20:32,273
And that's how I became
Barney's best man again.
503
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:35,810
Everything was back
to going off without a hitch.
504
00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:38,863
I'm coming for you, Mosby.
505
00:20:38,865 --> 00:20:40,982
Okay, there was one
slight hitch.
506
00:20:40,984 --> 00:20:45,984
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man