1
00:00:09,390 --> 00:00:10,975
So what'd you think?
2
00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:11,976
It was good.
3
00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,110
That's it?
4
00:00:13,112 --> 00:00:14,979
"Good"?
5
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:17,248
I enjoyed it.
When you told me
6
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,166
I was going to be
"losing my virginity,"
7
00:00:19,168 --> 00:00:22,002
I didn't think you meant showing
me Raiders of the Lost Ark
8
00:00:22,004 --> 00:00:23,454
for the first time.
9
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:26,457
My apologies.
I chose my words poorly.
10
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:28,259
I should have said
you were about
11
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:30,577
to have your world
rocked on my couch.
12
00:00:33,415 --> 00:00:35,266
Anyway, thank you
for watching it.
13
00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,251
It's one of my
all-time favorites.
14
00:00:37,253 --> 00:00:39,436
It was very entertaining...
15
00:00:39,438 --> 00:00:41,889
despite the glaring
story problem.
16
00:00:43,108 --> 00:00:45,142
Story problem?!
17
00:00:45,144 --> 00:00:47,511
You-- oh, Amy...
18
00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:51,365
What a dewy-eyed
moon-calf you are.
19
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,534
Raiders of the Lost Ark
20
00:00:53,536 --> 00:00:56,954
is the love child of Steven
Spielberg and George Lucas,
21
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,657
two of the most gifted
filmmakers of our generation.
22
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:02,142
I've watched it 36 times,
23
00:01:02,144 --> 00:01:04,878
except for the snake scene
and the face-melting scene,
24
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,899
which I can only watch when
it's still light out, but...
25
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:12,219
I defy you to find
a story problem.
26
00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:14,621
Here's my jaw... drop it.
27
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:17,457
All right.
28
00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:19,593
Indiana Jones
plays no role
29
00:01:19,595 --> 00:01:21,095
in the outcome
of the story.
30
00:01:21,097 --> 00:01:23,063
If he weren't
in the film,
31
00:01:23,065 --> 00:01:25,349
it would turn out
exactly the same.
32
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:28,852
Oh, I see your confusion.
You don't understand.
33
00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:32,823
Indiana Jones was the one
in the hat with the whip.
34
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:36,910
No, I do, and if he
weren't in the movie,
35
00:01:36,912 --> 00:01:38,812
the Nazis would have
still found the ark,
36
00:01:38,814 --> 00:01:41,865
taken it to the island,
opened it up and all died...
37
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:44,451
just like they did.
38
00:01:49,307 --> 00:01:50,924
Let me close that for ya.
39
00:01:52,844 --> 00:01:56,296
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
40
00:01:56,298 --> 00:01:59,900
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
41
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,435
♪ The Earth began to cool
42
00:02:01,437 --> 00:02:04,004
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
43
00:02:04,006 --> 00:02:06,340
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
44
00:02:06,342 --> 00:02:09,159
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
45
00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:11,178
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
46
00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:12,339
♪ Bang! ♪
47
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:16,340
The Big Bang Theory 7x04
The Raiders Minimization
Original Air Date on October 10, 2013
48
00:02:16,341 --> 00:02:21,341
sync and corrected by SrC
49
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:23,729
Hey!
50
00:02:23,731 --> 00:02:25,181
Hi! I thought you went
51
00:02:25,183 --> 00:02:27,099
to the comic book store
on Wednesdays.
52
00:02:27,101 --> 00:02:29,151
Yeah, but Sheldon and Amy
were having date night
53
00:02:29,153 --> 00:02:31,487
and they don't need me
there to make it awkward.
54
00:02:33,323 --> 00:02:35,758
They have each other
for that.
55
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,110
So, how was school?
56
00:02:38,112 --> 00:02:39,445
Oh, good.
Check it out.
57
00:02:39,447 --> 00:02:42,515
The Disappointing Child
by Beverly Hofstadter.
58
00:02:51,675 --> 00:02:53,125
You bought my mom's book?
59
00:02:53,127 --> 00:02:54,276
Yeah!
60
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:56,512
It's on the recommended
reading list
61
00:02:56,514 --> 00:02:57,797
for my psychology class.
62
00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:04,637
Come on.
Not that book.
63
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,973
It-It's got, like,
every horrible story
64
00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:10,026
from my childhood in it.
65
00:03:10,028 --> 00:03:12,244
Oh, cool.
Are there pictures?
66
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,731
Seriously, please find
another book.
67
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:18,734
Oh, come on. Why?
How bad could it be?
68
00:03:18,736 --> 00:03:20,870
There-There's chapters
about potty training,
69
00:03:20,872 --> 00:03:23,072
and bed-wetting and...
70
00:03:23,074 --> 00:03:25,541
masturbation.
71
00:03:27,361 --> 00:03:28,828
Basically, if something
came out of me,
72
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,413
she wrote about it!
73
00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,833
You know what?
Do whatever you want,
74
00:03:33,835 --> 00:03:36,218
just don't talk
to me about it.
75
00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:40,206
Not even the chapter on
the breast-feeding crisis?
76
00:03:44,044 --> 00:03:47,229
It was not a crisis.
77
00:03:47,231 --> 00:03:49,098
Apparently, I favored
the left one,
78
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,933
she got a little
lopsided.
79
00:03:52,235 --> 00:03:55,387
Oh, my God, you still go left!
80
00:03:59,676 --> 00:04:03,162
Which celebrity would you say
I look like the most?
81
00:04:03,164 --> 00:04:05,414
Halle Berry.
82
00:04:06,566 --> 00:04:07,833
Why?
83
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:09,802
Stuart and I are putting
dating profiles online,
84
00:04:09,804 --> 00:04:11,270
and it's one of the questions.
85
00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:15,240
And thank you-- I'd kill
for that woman's bone structure.
86
00:04:16,526 --> 00:04:19,462
Why are you reading
Pride and Prejudice?
87
00:04:19,464 --> 00:04:20,746
I'll tell you why.
88
00:04:20,748 --> 00:04:23,833
Amy ruined Raiders
of the Lost Ark for me,
89
00:04:23,835 --> 00:04:25,434
so now I'm trying to find
90
00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:27,853
something beloved to her
and ruin that.
91
00:04:28,955 --> 00:04:32,108
Because her life wasn't enough?
92
00:04:34,145 --> 00:04:37,480
Wait... how can, how can
anyone ruin Raiders?
93
00:04:37,482 --> 00:04:38,531
It's perfect.
94
00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:39,782
Yeah, except for the fact
95
00:04:39,784 --> 00:04:42,451
that Indiana Jones is completely
irrelevant to the story.
96
00:04:42,453 --> 00:04:46,739
With or without him, the Nazis
find the ark, open it and die.
97
00:04:51,111 --> 00:04:54,463
Aw! Aw!
Aw!
98
00:04:55,432 --> 00:04:56,499
Hey, wait a minute.
99
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:58,634
No, the Nazis were digging
in the wrong place.
100
00:04:58,636 --> 00:05:00,302
The only reason
they got the ark
101
00:05:00,304 --> 00:05:01,837
was because Indy
found it first.
102
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,789
Actually, they were
only digging in the wrong place
103
00:05:03,791 --> 00:05:05,057
because Indy had
the medallion.
104
00:05:05,059 --> 00:05:06,625
Without him, they would have
had the medallion
105
00:05:06,627 --> 00:05:08,460
and dug in the right place.
106
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:12,648
Aw! Aw!
Aw!
107
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,803
Okay, I know you don't
108
00:05:17,805 --> 00:05:19,188
want to talk about it,
109
00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:21,724
but can I just ask you one
question about your mom's book?
110
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:22,658
No.
111
00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:24,093
I just want to know
112
00:05:24,095 --> 00:05:26,428
why a five-year-old boy
puts on his mom's makeup
113
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:29,115
and wears balloon boobies.
114
00:05:31,618 --> 00:05:34,286
They weren't boobies,
they were muscles.
115
00:05:34,288 --> 00:05:35,538
And the makeup was green.
116
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:37,840
I was pretending
to be The Hulk.
117
00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:40,259
You were wearing
her bra.
118
00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:41,961
That was to keep my muscles
from sagging!
119
00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:44,597
Can we please stop talking
about this?!
120
00:05:44,599 --> 00:05:46,715
Okay, okay.
121
00:05:46,717 --> 00:05:48,050
But you know,
as a student of psychology
122
00:05:48,052 --> 00:05:52,221
who got a check-plus on
her first homework assignment...
123
00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:54,857
I think, sometimes, it's good
to open up about these things.
124
00:05:54,859 --> 00:05:56,025
Okay, fine.
125
00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:58,110
Do you want to know why
I dressed like The Hulk?
126
00:05:58,112 --> 00:05:59,812
Because I was always mad
at my mom
127
00:05:59,814 --> 00:06:02,214
and I wanted to smash
my way out of that house.
128
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:04,216
Well, why were you so angry?
129
00:06:04,218 --> 00:06:06,702
Gee, I don't know.
Maybe it's because
130
00:06:06,704 --> 00:06:08,787
I was always the subject
of her little experiments.
131
00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:11,657
Did you get to the chapter where
she staged the Easter egg hunt
132
00:06:11,659 --> 00:06:14,326
with no eggs to see
how long I'd keep looking?
133
00:06:16,129 --> 00:06:18,664
The answer, by the way: June.
134
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,384
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
I wish there was something
135
00:06:22,386 --> 00:06:24,253
I could do to make you
feel better.
136
00:06:24,255 --> 00:06:26,055
I do, too, but there's not.
137
00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:28,641
Really?
Are you sure about that?
138
00:06:31,544 --> 00:06:34,513
Of course, who am I to argue
with a check-plus student?
139
00:06:35,465 --> 00:06:36,515
Mmm...
140
00:06:36,517 --> 00:06:37,983
Just warning you--
I'm gonna go right.
141
00:06:37,985 --> 00:06:39,885
Don't make a big deal
out of it.
142
00:06:48,445 --> 00:06:50,963
Is makeup really necessary?
143
00:06:50,965 --> 00:06:53,365
Well, when someone looks
at your dating profile,
144
00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:54,934
the first thing they see
is your picture.
145
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,835
I just want to make
sure you look fun
146
00:06:56,837 --> 00:06:58,704
and full of life
and not like a body
147
00:06:58,706 --> 00:07:00,372
they just pulled out
of the river.
148
00:07:01,858 --> 00:07:05,244
All right,
here we go, and...
149
00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:06,428
smile.
150
00:07:11,251 --> 00:07:13,869
Okay, uh-uh,
that one's in the bank.
151
00:07:13,871 --> 00:07:15,854
How about this?
152
00:07:15,856 --> 00:07:18,390
Turn away,
and then turn back into it.
153
00:07:18,392 --> 00:07:19,892
But when you do,
154
00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:22,878
imagine the camera is the girl
you want to meet.
155
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,863
You got it.
156
00:07:33,873 --> 00:07:35,090
Okay, uh,
157
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:37,660
let's try it again.
158
00:07:37,662 --> 00:07:40,579
Uh, but this time, pretend
the girl you want to meet
159
00:07:40,581 --> 00:07:42,381
doesn't want to hurt you.
160
00:07:42,383 --> 00:07:45,935
I don't think
I can give you that.
161
00:07:45,937 --> 00:07:47,720
Come on. One more time.
162
00:07:57,097 --> 00:07:59,982
Yeah, it's,
it's a little blurry,
163
00:07:59,984 --> 00:08:02,418
but I think that works
in your favor.
164
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:03,736
Do you want a beer?
165
00:08:03,738 --> 00:08:05,254
Sure.
166
00:08:05,256 --> 00:08:07,406
Hey, have you finished writing
your profile yet?
167
00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:08,907
Almost.
168
00:08:08,909 --> 00:08:10,025
Oh, what did you put
169
00:08:10,027 --> 00:08:12,027
as the one-word description
of yourself?
170
00:08:12,029 --> 00:08:14,646
I put: unobjectionable.
171
00:08:15,632 --> 00:08:17,199
But now that I hear it out loud,
172
00:08:17,201 --> 00:08:19,468
it just seems like
I'm being cocky.
173
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:21,520
What did you put
for your best feature?
174
00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:23,172
My parents' money.
175
00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:27,126
Uh, what did you put
for your best feature?
176
00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:30,045
I put: not applicable.
177
00:08:30,047 --> 00:08:32,497
Come on, dude, you're being
too hard on yourself.
178
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,499
You've got a lot
of good stuff going on.
179
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:35,901
Really? Like what?
180
00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:38,537
Well, okay, you're a,
you're a talented artist,
181
00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:40,472
you own your own business.
182
00:08:40,474 --> 00:08:43,409
Neither of those things have
ever helped me meet a woman.
183
00:08:43,411 --> 00:08:47,129
Okay, well, can we imply
184
00:08:47,131 --> 00:08:49,448
that you're well-endowed?
185
00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:53,902
I do have one
oddly long testicle.
186
00:08:54,921 --> 00:08:58,190
Okay, now you're talking
like a winner!
187
00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:04,179
Whatcha doin'?
188
00:09:04,181 --> 00:09:06,865
Oh, it turns out Amy's beloved
Pride and Prejudice
189
00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:09,335
is a flawless masterpiece.
190
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:11,670
He's got too much pride,
191
00:09:11,672 --> 00:09:14,640
she's got too much prejudice--
it just works.
192
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:16,541
So you're looking
to ruin something for her
193
00:09:16,543 --> 00:09:17,760
in the funny pages?
194
00:09:17,762 --> 00:09:21,680
Amy has a fondness for
the comic strip Marmaduke.
195
00:09:21,682 --> 00:09:24,316
Mm-hmm. And...?
196
00:09:24,318 --> 00:09:26,902
And I think I've got it.
Consider:
197
00:09:26,904 --> 00:09:30,022
a family possesses a dog
that is so large
198
00:09:30,024 --> 00:09:33,725
and poorly disciplined,
he causes nothing but problems.
199
00:09:33,727 --> 00:09:36,445
Why do they keep him?!
200
00:09:36,447 --> 00:09:39,248
Maybe they fell in love with him
as a puppy
201
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:41,333
and didn't know how big
he was gonna be.
202
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:43,986
Of course.
203
00:09:43,988 --> 00:09:46,171
You know, why couldn't she
just like Ziggy?
204
00:09:46,173 --> 00:09:47,239
Yeah?
205
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:49,358
That thing's riddled
with plot holes.
206
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,795
Sorry, buddy.
Ooh!
207
00:09:52,797 --> 00:09:55,881
I think she's a fan
of Garfield as well.
208
00:09:56,851 --> 00:09:59,768
Oh, darn it, now so am I.
209
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:01,086
I'll see you later.
210
00:10:01,088 --> 00:10:02,988
I gotta go watch a stupid
football game with Penny.
211
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:04,690
Wait-- hang on.
212
00:10:04,692 --> 00:10:05,974
You've spent time with Amy.
213
00:10:05,976 --> 00:10:08,694
Can you think of anything
she's fond of
214
00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:12,731
that has a bunch of flaws
she hasn't noticed?
215
00:10:16,569 --> 00:10:18,770
I gotta go.
216
00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,393
You ready to go?
217
00:10:24,395 --> 00:10:26,578
Yep. Hey, and maybe this time
218
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:29,465
you don't try and talk sports
with the guys.
219
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:31,216
Some sports bar.
220
00:10:31,218 --> 00:10:33,385
It's like they never
even heard of Quidditch.
221
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:35,554
Do we really have to go?
222
00:10:35,556 --> 00:10:36,955
Oh, come on.
Every time we're about
223
00:10:36,957 --> 00:10:38,574
to hang out with my friends,
you don't want to.
224
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:39,741
It's like, "It's too loud,"
225
00:10:39,743 --> 00:10:41,626
or "the bathroom's too dirty,"
226
00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:44,229
or "they put a chicken wing
in my ear..." I mean...
227
00:10:44,231 --> 00:10:46,131
Well, you're-you're right.
228
00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:47,132
Let's just go.
229
00:10:47,134 --> 00:10:48,750
Hey, what's going on with you?
230
00:10:48,752 --> 00:10:49,634
Nothing, I'm fine.
231
00:10:49,636 --> 00:10:51,186
All right, hang on.
232
00:10:51,188 --> 00:10:52,721
is this still about
your mom's book?
233
00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:55,407
No. Not everything is
about my mom.
234
00:10:55,409 --> 00:10:56,808
'Cause if you're still
upset about that,
235
00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:57,876
we don't have to go.
236
00:10:57,878 --> 00:10:59,828
Except this is
totally about my mom.
237
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:03,031
I'm so sorry.
238
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:04,316
I never should have
read that book.
239
00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:05,751
You know what?
You want to just get dinner
240
00:11:05,753 --> 00:11:06,668
and watch the game here?
241
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:09,838
That sounds nice. Yeah.
Okay.
242
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,790
Or, you know,
we could get take-out
243
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:12,991
and watch the Blu-ray
extended version
244
00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:15,761
of The Hobbit movie
with commentary track.
245
00:11:18,831 --> 00:11:21,750
On account of how sad
I am about my mom.
246
00:11:31,034 --> 00:11:32,468
Leonard, you ready for lunch?
247
00:11:32,470 --> 00:11:34,637
One sec!
248
00:11:35,856 --> 00:11:36,589
Hey. Sorry.
249
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,510
Hi, Penny.
250
00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:41,511
Hi.
251
00:11:41,513 --> 00:11:42,612
All right, sweetie.
252
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:43,980
You hang in there today.
253
00:11:43,982 --> 00:11:45,815
I'll try, but I might
be sad again tonight.
254
00:11:45,817 --> 00:11:47,400
Okay.
255
00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:51,104
Wow!
256
00:11:51,106 --> 00:11:53,322
Sex at work?!
257
00:11:53,324 --> 00:11:54,357
Leave it alone.
258
00:11:54,359 --> 00:11:55,391
That's my girlfriend.
259
00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:56,392
Sorry.
260
00:11:56,394 --> 00:11:58,678
Who just had sex
with me at work!
261
00:11:59,614 --> 00:12:01,464
Damn. How'd you
swing that?
262
00:12:01,466 --> 00:12:03,783
Well, whenever I
talk about how
awful my mom was,
263
00:12:03,785 --> 00:12:05,901
Penny will do anything
to make me feel better.
264
00:12:05,903 --> 00:12:07,303
Seriously?
Look, I mean...
265
00:12:07,305 --> 00:12:10,473
I'm not proud of it,
but it does work.
266
00:12:10,475 --> 00:12:11,507
I-I got her to watch
267
00:12:11,509 --> 00:12:14,761
a six-part documentary
on Monty Python.
268
00:12:15,745 --> 00:12:17,463
Even I was bored,
I just wanted to see
269
00:12:17,465 --> 00:12:18,914
if she'd make it
to the end.
270
00:12:18,916 --> 00:12:21,184
You sound kind of
proud of it.
271
00:12:21,186 --> 00:12:22,085
I am; I'm really proud.
272
00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:23,770
Yeah.
273
00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:26,572
Hello, Sheldon.
274
00:12:26,574 --> 00:12:27,573
Is everything okay?
275
00:12:27,575 --> 00:12:28,574
Yes.
276
00:12:28,576 --> 00:12:29,709
Why?
277
00:12:29,711 --> 00:12:30,927
Well, the last time you made
278
00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:32,061
an unscheduled video-chat,
279
00:12:32,063 --> 00:12:34,130
there was a curly fry
in your regular fries
280
00:12:34,132 --> 00:12:37,867
and you thought someone might be
trying to slip you a mickey.
281
00:12:38,936 --> 00:12:40,970
April 13...
282
00:12:40,972 --> 00:12:43,940
a dark night, indeed.
283
00:12:43,942 --> 00:12:45,641
So what can I do for you?
284
00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:47,743
I'm calling to invite you
285
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:50,596
to a spontaneous date night
tomorrow evening.
286
00:12:50,598 --> 00:12:51,481
Really?
287
00:12:51,483 --> 00:12:52,781
Yes.
288
00:12:52,783 --> 00:12:54,050
You were kind enough
289
00:12:54,052 --> 00:12:55,968
to watch Raiders of
the Lost Ark with me.
290
00:12:55,970 --> 00:12:58,421
So I'd like to return the favor
291
00:12:58,423 --> 00:13:00,289
by inviting you
to watch an episode
292
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:03,142
of your favorite childhood
television series,
293
00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:05,394
Little House on the Prairie.
294
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:09,465
That sounds lovely.
295
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:11,651
Why are you
rubbing your hands together?
296
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:16,105
Um...
297
00:13:16,107 --> 00:13:17,240
I'm putting on lotion.
298
00:13:17,242 --> 00:13:18,741
Are you in or not?
299
00:13:18,743 --> 00:13:20,409
Of course I'm in.
300
00:13:20,411 --> 00:13:21,661
Excellent.
301
00:13:21,663 --> 00:13:23,579
Then I shall see you tomorrow.
302
00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:24,797
Good night, Dr. Fowler.
303
00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:26,349
Good night, Dr. Cooper.
304
00:13:26,351 --> 00:13:29,252
Good night, indeed.
305
00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:31,921
What a rube.
306
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:34,874
Why would I put on lotion
when I have such soft hands?
307
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,994
You were really
quiet during dinner.
308
00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:39,962
Is everything okay?
309
00:13:39,964 --> 00:13:41,013
Yeah.
310
00:13:41,015 --> 00:13:42,882
I guess I was just
thinking about my mom,
311
00:13:42,884 --> 00:13:45,167
and how sad
my childhood was.
312
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,355
Yeah, I bet it sucked.
313
00:13:49,357 --> 00:13:50,723
I'm gonna take a bath;
you do the dishes.
314
00:13:50,725 --> 00:13:53,609
How about I take
a bath with you
315
00:13:53,611 --> 00:13:55,361
and see what happens.
316
00:13:56,363 --> 00:13:57,563
Here's what's gonna happen:
317
00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:58,614
I'm gonna take a bath,
318
00:13:58,616 --> 00:13:59,949
and you're gonna do the dishes.
319
00:13:59,951 --> 00:14:01,117
That's it?
320
00:14:01,119 --> 00:14:02,902
No compassion?
321
00:14:02,904 --> 00:14:04,120
Aw, poor Howie.
322
00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:05,271
We good?
I'm gonna take a bath.
323
00:14:05,273 --> 00:14:07,323
Bernie...
324
00:14:07,325 --> 00:14:09,492
God, what is going on with you?
325
00:14:09,494 --> 00:14:11,644
I'm sharing my pain.
326
00:14:12,629 --> 00:14:15,882
And I'm not buying it.
Try again.
327
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:20,136
I'm learning to be
a man in a culture
328
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:22,871
where it's increasingly
difficult to know how...?
329
00:14:22,873 --> 00:14:25,825
Strike two.
330
00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,894
I'm copying Leonard.
331
00:14:27,896 --> 00:14:29,044
When he does this to Penny,
332
00:14:29,046 --> 00:14:31,147
they have sex and
watch Monty Python.
333
00:14:31,149 --> 00:14:32,448
Howard!
I know.
334
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:33,349
It was dumb,
335
00:14:33,351 --> 00:14:34,383
I shouldn't
have done it.
336
00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:36,903
And it's making
me feel sad...
337
00:14:36,905 --> 00:14:39,322
So sad.
338
00:14:41,057 --> 00:14:43,242
You know, why don't
you take a bath? I'll do the dishes.
339
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:50,733
Three, two,
one...
340
00:14:50,735 --> 00:14:51,918
That's it.
341
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,687
Our dating profiles are
live on the Internet.
342
00:14:54,689 --> 00:14:56,572
Attention all shoppers:
343
00:14:56,574 --> 00:15:00,259
my business is open
for business!
344
00:15:00,261 --> 00:15:02,929
That's right, ladies.
345
00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,580
For all you know,
346
00:15:04,582 --> 00:15:06,866
I'm confident
and fun to be around.
347
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:11,687
Oh, cool, it tells you
348
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:13,339
when someone's reading
your profile.
349
00:15:13,341 --> 00:15:15,608
"Jenny309."
350
00:15:16,893 --> 00:15:19,195
I hope that's not her weight.
351
00:15:19,197 --> 00:15:21,614
If it is, I'll...
I'll take her.
352
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:24,850
Good one.
353
00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:28,654
Ooh, I got one, too.
354
00:15:28,656 --> 00:15:30,923
The ladies are
coming to us.
355
00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:34,710
Oh, man, if I'd started
this years ago,
356
00:15:34,712 --> 00:15:37,279
I'd be divorced two
or three times by now.
357
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:40,783
What...? Another one.
358
00:15:40,785 --> 00:15:42,785
You know,
it... it's weird.
359
00:15:42,787 --> 00:15:44,303
When they're reading
your profile, does it...
360
00:15:44,305 --> 00:15:45,972
does it make you
feel exposed?
361
00:15:45,974 --> 00:15:48,140
Like they see you naked?
362
00:15:49,326 --> 00:15:52,461
Well, they're not running
away screaming, so, no.
363
00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:56,565
I love Little House.
364
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,951
It made me want to
live on a farm so much
365
00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:00,686
I tried to milk my cat.
366
00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:05,458
That tangy bowl of Cheerios
367
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,909
was not worth the stitches.
368
00:16:08,945 --> 00:16:11,197
Well, you sit back, relax
369
00:16:11,199 --> 00:16:14,583
and enjoy a beloved
childhood memory.
370
00:16:17,722 --> 00:16:21,007
You see that cabin there?
371
00:16:21,009 --> 00:16:24,293
I read they were illegally
squatting on Indian land.
372
00:16:24,295 --> 00:16:26,262
Yeah.
373
00:16:26,264 --> 00:16:28,547
Personally,
I think what we did
374
00:16:28,549 --> 00:16:30,933
to the Native
Americans was wrong,
375
00:16:30,935 --> 00:16:33,436
but this is your
favorite show, not mine.
376
00:16:33,438 --> 00:16:36,589
Oh, look at little
Laura Ingalls,
377
00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:39,125
eating that
peanut butter sandwich.
378
00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:40,676
Peanut butter?!
379
00:16:40,678 --> 00:16:43,396
Huh!
380
00:16:43,398 --> 00:16:45,681
That's strange,
since peanut butter
381
00:16:45,683 --> 00:16:48,684
wasn't introduced
until the early 1900s.
382
00:16:51,038 --> 00:16:53,205
If I knew this show
was about time travel,
383
00:16:53,207 --> 00:16:56,158
I would have watched it
much sooner.
384
00:16:58,745 --> 00:16:59,912
You're trying to get back at me
385
00:16:59,914 --> 00:17:02,064
for what I said about
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
386
00:17:02,066 --> 00:17:03,632
That's silly.
387
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,585
Almost as silly as Dr. Baker
having a telephone,
388
00:17:06,587 --> 00:17:07,970
since telephones
only existed
389
00:17:07,972 --> 00:17:09,705
in large cities
at that time.
390
00:17:09,707 --> 00:17:12,508
This is more like
Little House on the Preposterous.
391
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:17,045
Sheldon, we're
in a relationship.
392
00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:19,265
When you get angry,
just tell me.
393
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,417
You don't need to seek revenge.
394
00:17:21,419 --> 00:17:24,120
Are you sure?
395
00:17:25,005 --> 00:17:26,739
Every time my dad
stayed out all night,
396
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:30,359
my mom would put hamster poop
in his chewing tobacco.
397
00:17:32,061 --> 00:17:33,796
Well, that's not how
we're going to do it.
398
00:17:33,798 --> 00:17:35,998
Fine.
399
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,283
I'm mad at you.
400
00:17:37,285 --> 00:17:39,835
Not only did you ruin
Raiders for me,
401
00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:41,754
you may have ruined
the whole franchise.
402
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,789
Except for the fourth one,
403
00:17:43,791 --> 00:17:46,125
which was bad before
you got your mitts on it.
404
00:17:47,677 --> 00:17:48,961
I-I shouldn't have said it.
405
00:17:48,963 --> 00:17:49,979
I'm sorry.
406
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:51,914
Thank you.
407
00:17:51,916 --> 00:17:53,282
Do you feel better?
408
00:17:53,284 --> 00:17:54,850
Yes.
409
00:17:54,852 --> 00:17:57,386
But not as good as
I'm going to when I tell you
410
00:17:57,388 --> 00:17:59,805
that your precious Garfield
has no reason to hate Mondays.
411
00:18:00,757 --> 00:18:03,258
He's a cat.
He doesn't have a job.
412
00:18:07,831 --> 00:18:11,484
Hey, I was just--
what is happening?
413
00:18:12,602 --> 00:18:14,320
Oh, just a little treat.
414
00:18:14,322 --> 00:18:16,071
I know you've been
feeling really bad
415
00:18:16,073 --> 00:18:17,523
about your mom lately.
416
00:18:17,525 --> 00:18:19,408
Oh, oh, I have.
417
00:18:19,410 --> 00:18:20,943
So bad.
418
00:18:20,945 --> 00:18:22,912
And I wanted
to make you feel better,
419
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:25,131
so I planned something
very special for you.
420
00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:26,148
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
421
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:29,084
I can already feel it working.
422
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:32,655
Hello, Leonard.
423
00:18:34,257 --> 00:18:36,375
Mom?!
424
00:18:36,377 --> 00:18:39,912
I understand you have been
whining about my parenting
425
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:42,515
in order to emotionally
manipulate your girlfriend.
426
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:44,366
I... uh...
427
00:18:44,368 --> 00:18:45,684
Bernadette told me
everything.
428
00:18:45,686 --> 00:18:47,820
Now you don't get
the left or the right.
429
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,590
Let's discuss
430
00:18:51,592 --> 00:18:53,642
why you continue to involve me
431
00:18:53,644 --> 00:18:55,044
in your sex life.
432
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,245
Oh, please, Mommy.
433
00:18:56,247 --> 00:18:58,831
No, Mommy.
434
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:00,065
When you were six years old,
435
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:03,102
you walked in on me
and your father naked.
436
00:19:04,337 --> 00:19:05,738
I was swatting his bottom
437
00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:09,041
with your brand
new Ping Pong paddle.
438
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:15,047
I didn't dream that?
439
00:19:15,049 --> 00:19:17,883
How did that make you feel?
440
00:19:17,885 --> 00:19:19,552
Penny, come back!
441
00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:22,188
I'm sad for real now!
442
00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:25,057
In the last two hours,
443
00:19:25,059 --> 00:19:27,676
162 women have
read our profiles.
444
00:19:27,678 --> 00:19:29,395
How many of them have
sent us messages?
445
00:19:29,397 --> 00:19:30,863
Combined?
Yes.
446
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,065
Zero.
447
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,986
Dude, this is...
this is brutal.
448
00:19:36,988 --> 00:19:40,155
I don't think I've
ever felt so rejected.
449
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:41,857
And I had a rescue dog
450
00:19:41,859 --> 00:19:44,410
who ran back
to the pound.
451
00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:48,196
This is the worst.
452
00:19:48,198 --> 00:19:49,197
If we're gonna get shot down,
453
00:19:49,199 --> 00:19:50,649
we might as well just
go to a bar
454
00:19:50,651 --> 00:19:51,767
and do it old school.
455
00:19:51,769 --> 00:19:54,019
And make them
look us in the eye.
456
00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,638
Yeah, anything is
better than this.
457
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,189
Hello.
458
00:19:57,191 --> 00:19:58,540
Not interested.
459
00:20:01,094 --> 00:20:03,345
I was wrong.
This is worse.
460
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,617
Wait, wait-- if it wasn't
for Indiana Jones,
461
00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,702
the ark would never have
ended up at the warehouse!
462
00:20:20,704 --> 00:20:22,621
That's true!
463
00:20:22,623 --> 00:20:24,740
He collected and
delivered the ark
464
00:20:24,742 --> 00:20:26,792
to the proper
authorities for filing.
465
00:20:26,794 --> 00:20:27,526
Like a hero!
466
00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:29,878
Yeah!
Yes! Right!
467
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,664
Although, technically,
468
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:34,249
Indy was supposed
to take the ark
469
00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:35,501
to a museum to be studied.
470
00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:37,169
He couldn't even get that done.
471
00:20:38,910 --> 00:20:41,043
Aw...
472
00:20:41,045 --> 00:20:46,045
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
473
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,101
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player