1
00:00:02,466 --> 00:00:04,984
("Raiders March" playing on TV)
2
00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,291
So what'd you think?
3
00:00:11,364 --> 00:00:12,783
It was good.
4
00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:14,134
That's it?
5
00:00:14,317 --> 00:00:15,580
"Good"?
6
00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:19,696
I enjoyed it. When you told me I was
going to be "losing my virginity,"
7
00:00:19,697 --> 00:00:23,458
I didn't think you meant showing me Raiders
of the Lost Ark for the first time.
8
00:00:23,978 --> 00:00:27,135
My apologies. I chose
my words poorly.
9
00:00:27,213 --> 00:00:31,375
I should have said you were about to
have your world rocked on my couch.
10
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,738
Anyway, thank you
for watching it.
11
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:37,831
It's one of my
all-time favorites.
12
00:00:37,895 --> 00:00:42,302
It was very entertaining... despite
the glaring story problem.
13
00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:44,936
Story problem?!
14
00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:47,826
(laughing):
You-- oh, Amy...
15
00:00:49,289 --> 00:00:51,995
What a dewy-eyed
moon-calf you are.
16
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:57,400
Raiders of the Lost Ark is the love child
of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas,
17
00:00:57,416 --> 00:01:00,241
two of the most gifted
filmmakers of our generation.
18
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,397
I've watched it 36 times,
19
00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:05,764
except for the snake scene
and the face-melting scene,
20
00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:08,800
which I can only watch when
it's still light out, but...
21
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,301
I defy you to find
a story problem.
22
00:01:12,324 --> 00:01:13,974
Here's my jaw...
23
00:01:14,018 --> 00:01:15,765
drop it.
24
00:01:16,788 --> 00:01:18,001
All right.
25
00:01:18,058 --> 00:01:21,790
Indiana Jones plays no role
in the outcome of the story.
26
00:01:21,939 --> 00:01:25,726
If he weren't in the film, it
would turn out exactly the same.
27
00:01:25,748 --> 00:01:29,249
Oh, I see your confusion.
You don't understand.
28
00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:33,118
Indiana Jones was the one
in the hat with the whip.
29
00:01:34,223 --> 00:01:37,184
No, I do, and if he
weren't in the movie,
30
00:01:37,209 --> 00:01:39,109
the Nazis would have
still found the ark,
31
00:01:39,124 --> 00:01:42,318
taken it to the island,
opened it up and all died...
32
00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:44,222
just like they did.
33
00:01:49,911 --> 00:01:51,528
Let me close that for ya.
34
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,687
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
35
00:01:56,715 --> 00:02:00,701
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
36
00:02:00,726 --> 00:02:01,862
♪ The Earth began to cool
37
00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:04,878
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
38
00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:06,817
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
39
00:02:06,846 --> 00:02:09,615
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
40
00:02:09,634 --> 00:02:11,685
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
41
00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:12,875
♪ Bang! ♪
42
00:02:12,913 --> 00:02:15,413
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x04 ♪
The Raiders Minimization
Original Air Date on October 10, 2013
43
00:02:15,445 --> 00:02:17,945
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
44
00:02:19,318 --> 00:02:20,062
Hey!
45
00:02:20,119 --> 00:02:22,821
Hi! I thought you went to the
comic book store on Wednesdays.
46
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:25,377
Yeah, but Sheldon and Amy
were having date night
47
00:02:25,391 --> 00:02:27,852
and they don't need me
there to make it awkward.
48
00:02:29,736 --> 00:02:31,892
They have each other for that.
49
00:02:33,142 --> 00:02:35,951
- So, how was school?
- Oh, good. Check it out.
50
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,902
The Disappointing Child
by Beverly Hofstadter.
51
00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:40,707
(chuckles)
52
00:02:48,438 --> 00:02:51,020
- You bought my mom's book?
- Yeah!
53
00:02:51,483 --> 00:02:54,289
It's on the recommended reading
list for my psychology class.
54
00:02:54,317 --> 00:02:56,033
(Leonard groans)
55
00:02:58,132 --> 00:03:00,624
Come on.
Not that book.
56
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:05,577
It-It's got, like, every horrible
story from my childhood in it.
57
00:03:06,296 --> 00:03:08,725
Oh, cool. Are there pictures?
58
00:03:09,771 --> 00:03:12,071
Seriously, please
find another book.
59
00:03:12,122 --> 00:03:14,613
Oh, come on. Why? How
bad could it be?
60
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:19,275
There-There's chapters about potty
training, and bed-wetting and...
61
00:03:19,849 --> 00:03:21,519
masturbation.
62
00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:26,807
Basically, if something came
out of me, she wrote about it!
63
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:32,158
You know what? Do whatever you want,
just don't talk to me about it.
64
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:35,728
Not even the chapter on the
breast-feeding crisis?
65
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,232
It was not a crisis.
66
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,411
Apparently, I favored the left
one, she got a little lopsided.
67
00:03:48,997 --> 00:03:51,896
Oh, my God, you still go left!
68
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,283
Which celebrity would you say
I look like the most?
69
00:03:59,314 --> 00:04:01,039
Halle Berry.
70
00:04:03,317 --> 00:04:04,323
Why?
71
00:04:04,348 --> 00:04:08,021
Stuart and I are putting dating profiles
online, and it's one of the questions.
72
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:11,869
And thank you-- I'd kill for
that woman's bone structure.
73
00:04:13,696 --> 00:04:15,827
Why are you reading
Pride and Prejudice?
74
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,371
I'll tell you why.
75
00:04:17,385 --> 00:04:20,024
Amy ruined Raiders of
the Lost Ark for me,
76
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:24,382
so now I'm trying to find something
beloved to her and ruin that.
77
00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:28,159
Because her life wasn't enough?
78
00:04:28,292 --> 00:04:30,325
(both giggle)
79
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:31,854
Wait...
80
00:04:31,879 --> 00:04:34,896
how can, how can anyone
ruin Raiders? It's perfect.
81
00:04:34,915 --> 00:04:35,940
Yeah, except for the fact
82
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:39,139
that Indiana Jones is completely
irrelevant to the story.
83
00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:43,256
With or without him, the Nazis
find the ark, open it and die.
84
00:04:47,793 --> 00:04:49,918
- Aw! - Aw!
- Aw!
85
00:04:51,745 --> 00:04:55,365
Hey, wait a minute. No, the Nazis
were digging in the wrong place.
86
00:04:55,387 --> 00:04:58,078
The only reason they got the ark
was because Indy found it first.
87
00:04:58,103 --> 00:05:01,263
Actually, they were only digging in the
wrong place because Indy had the medallion.
88
00:05:01,278 --> 00:05:04,610
Without him, they would have had the
medallion and dug in the right place.
89
00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:08,711
- Aw! - Aw!
- Aw!
90
00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:15,373
Okay, I know you don't
want to talk about it,
91
00:05:15,391 --> 00:05:17,971
but can I just ask you one
question about your mom's book?
92
00:05:17,995 --> 00:05:19,321
No.
93
00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:22,743
I just want to know why a five-year-old
boy puts on his mom's makeup
94
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,824
and wears balloon boobies.
95
00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:30,454
They weren't boobies,
they were muscles.
96
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:34,263
And the makeup was green. I was
pretending to be The Hulk.
97
00:05:35,496 --> 00:05:37,930
- You were wearing her bra. - That was
to keep my muscles from sagging!
98
00:05:37,942 --> 00:05:40,056
Can we please stop
talking about this?!
99
00:05:40,946 --> 00:05:42,505
Okay, okay.
100
00:05:42,536 --> 00:05:44,155
But you know,
as a student of psychology
101
00:05:44,181 --> 00:05:47,346
who got a check-plus on her
first homework assignment...
102
00:05:48,321 --> 00:05:51,529
I think, sometimes, it's good
to open up about these things.
103
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,654
Okay, fine.
104
00:05:52,679 --> 00:05:54,720
Do you want to know why
I dressed like The Hulk?
105
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:56,230
Because I was always mad
at my mom
106
00:05:56,262 --> 00:05:58,662
and I wanted to smash
my way out of that house.
107
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,912
- Well, why were you so angry?
- Gee, I don't know.
108
00:06:01,937 --> 00:06:05,235
Maybe it's because I was always the
subject of her little experiments.
109
00:06:05,314 --> 00:06:08,044
Did you get to the chapter where
she staged the Easter egg hunt
110
00:06:08,075 --> 00:06:10,992
with no eggs to see how
long I'd keep looking?
111
00:06:12,419 --> 00:06:15,109
The answer, by the way: June.
112
00:06:16,696 --> 00:06:18,930
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I
wish there was something
113
00:06:18,955 --> 00:06:21,733
- I could do to make you feel better.
- I do, too, but there's not.
114
00:06:21,861 --> 00:06:24,530
Really? Are you sure about that?
115
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,896
Of course, who am I to argue
with a check-plus student?
116
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:32,940
Mmm...
117
00:06:33,046 --> 00:06:36,044
Just warning you-- I'm gonna go right.
Don't make a big deal out of it.
118
00:06:44,894 --> 00:06:47,315
Is makeup really necessary?
119
00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:49,524
Well, when someone looks
at your dating profile,
120
00:06:49,546 --> 00:06:51,332
the first thing they see
is your picture.
121
00:06:51,385 --> 00:06:54,126
I just want to make sure you
look fun and full of life
122
00:06:54,151 --> 00:06:57,081
and not like a body they just
pulled out of the river.
123
00:06:58,161 --> 00:07:01,472
All right, here we go, and...
124
00:07:01,494 --> 00:07:02,959
smile.
125
00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:10,205
Okay, uh-uh,
that one's in the bank.
126
00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:12,763
How about this?
127
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,814
Turn away,
and then turn back into it.
128
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:19,454
But when you do, imagine the camera
is the girl you want to meet.
129
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:20,984
You got it.
130
00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:33,338
Okay, uh, let's try it again.
131
00:07:33,941 --> 00:07:38,153
Uh, but this time, pretend the girl you
want to meet doesn't want to hurt you.
132
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:42,102
I don't think
I can give you that.
133
00:07:42,454 --> 00:07:44,485
Come on. One more time.
134
00:07:53,989 --> 00:07:58,430
Yeah, it's, it's a little blurry, but
I think that works in your favor.
135
00:07:59,305 --> 00:08:01,368
- Do you want a beer?
- Sure.
136
00:08:01,516 --> 00:08:03,797
Hey, have you finished
writing your profile yet?
137
00:08:03,991 --> 00:08:05,172
Almost.
138
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:08,429
Oh, what did you put as the
one-word description of yourself?
139
00:08:08,776 --> 00:08:11,221
I put: unobjectionable.
140
00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:15,269
But now that I hear it out loud, it
just seems like I'm being cocky.
141
00:08:15,812 --> 00:08:17,896
What did you put
for your best feature?
142
00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:19,563
My parents' money.
143
00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:23,787
Uh, what did you put
for your best feature?
144
00:08:23,812 --> 00:08:26,008
I put: not applicable.
145
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,297
Come on, dude, you're being
too hard on yourself.
146
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,059
You've got a lot of
good stuff going on.
147
00:08:31,091 --> 00:08:32,213
Really? Like what?
148
00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:35,193
Well, okay, you're a,
you're a talented artist,
149
00:08:35,256 --> 00:08:37,043
you own your own business.
150
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,736
Neither of those things have
ever helped me meet a woman.
151
00:08:40,342 --> 00:08:45,097
Okay, well, can we imply
that you're well-endowed?
152
00:08:46,475 --> 00:08:50,350
I do have one oddly
long testicle.
153
00:08:52,390 --> 00:08:55,253
Okay, now you're
talking like a winner!
154
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,167
Whatcha doin'?
155
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:05,326
Oh, it turns out Amy's beloved Pride and
Prejudice is a flawless masterpiece.
156
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:10,524
He's got too much pride, she's got
too much prejudice-- it just works.
157
00:09:11,323 --> 00:09:14,582
So you're looking to ruin something
for her in the funny pages?
158
00:09:14,632 --> 00:09:17,742
Amy has a fondness for
the comic strip Marmaduke.
159
00:09:17,756 --> 00:09:20,229
Mm-hmm. And...?
160
00:09:20,249 --> 00:09:23,199
And I think I've got it.
Consider:
161
00:09:23,246 --> 00:09:26,200
a family possesses a
dog that is so large
162
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:29,918
and poorly disciplined, he
causes nothing but problems.
163
00:09:30,031 --> 00:09:32,134
Why do they keep him?!
164
00:09:33,821 --> 00:09:35,914
Maybe they fell in love with him
as a puppy
165
00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:38,015
and didn't know how big
he was gonna be.
166
00:09:38,397 --> 00:09:39,943
Of course.
167
00:09:40,526 --> 00:09:43,408
You know, why couldn't she
just like Ziggy? Yeah?
168
00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:45,746
That thing's riddled
with plot holes.
169
00:09:47,577 --> 00:09:49,240
- Sorry, buddy.
- Ooh!
170
00:09:49,265 --> 00:09:51,959
I think she's a fan
of Garfield as well.
171
00:09:52,207 --> 00:09:52,932
(laughs)
172
00:09:52,957 --> 00:09:55,493
Oh, darn it, now so am I.
173
00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:59,599
I'll see you later. I gotta go watch
a stupid football game with Penny.
174
00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:00,890
Wait-- hang on.
175
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,447
You've spent time with Amy.
176
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,807
Can you think of
anything she's fond of
177
00:10:04,826 --> 00:10:08,196
that has a bunch of flaws
she hasn't noticed?
178
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,825
I gotta go.
179
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,261
- You ready to go?
- Yep.
180
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:25,762
Hey, and maybe this time you don't
try and talk sports with the guys.
181
00:10:26,229 --> 00:10:27,577
Some sports bar.
182
00:10:27,592 --> 00:10:29,912
It's like they never
even heard of Quidditch.
183
00:10:30,749 --> 00:10:31,915
Do we really have to go?
184
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,890
Oh, come on. Every time we're about to hang
out with my friends, you don't want to.
185
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,634
It's like, "It's too loud," or
"the bathroom's too dirty,"
186
00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:40,334
or "they put a chicken wing
in my ear..." I mean...
187
00:10:41,627 --> 00:10:43,461
Well, you're-you're right.
Let's just go.
188
00:10:43,502 --> 00:10:46,249
- Hey, what's going on with you?
- Nothing, I'm fine.
189
00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:47,516
All right, hang on.
190
00:10:47,543 --> 00:10:49,199
Is this still about
your mom's book?
191
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,486
No. Not everything
is about my mom.
192
00:10:51,513 --> 00:10:53,697
'Cause if you're still upset
about that, we don't have to go.
193
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:56,081
Except this is totally
about my mom.
194
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,632
I'm so sorry. I never
should have read that book.
195
00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:03,348
You know what? You want to just get
dinner and watch the game here?
196
00:11:03,742 --> 00:11:05,817
- That sounds nice. Yeah.
- Okay.
197
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:09,125
Or, you know, we could get take-out and
watch the Blu-ray extended version
198
00:11:09,149 --> 00:11:11,643
of The Hobbit movie
with commentary track.
199
00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:18,084
On account of how sad
I am about my mom.
200
00:11:23,797 --> 00:11:25,231
Leonard, you ready for lunch?
201
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,926
LEONARD:
One sec!
202
00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:29,687
Hey. Sorry.
203
00:11:29,719 --> 00:11:31,102
(panting)
204
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:34,400
- Hi, Penny.
- Hi.
205
00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:36,925
All right, sweetie. You
hang in there today.
206
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:38,681
I'll try, but I might
be sad again tonight.
207
00:11:38,704 --> 00:11:40,287
Okay.
208
00:11:42,698 --> 00:11:45,878
Wow! Sex at work?!
209
00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,186
Leave it alone.
That's my girlfriend.
210
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:51,069
- Sorry.
- Who just had sex with me at work!
211
00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:52,510
(laughing)
212
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:54,045
Damn. How'd you
swing that?
213
00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:56,621
Well, whenever I talk about
how awful my mom was,
214
00:11:56,653 --> 00:11:59,080
Penny will do anything
to make me feel better.
215
00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,225
- Seriously?
- Look, I mean...
216
00:12:00,248 --> 00:12:03,416
I'm not proud of it,
but it does work.
217
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:07,656
I-I got her to watch a six-part
documentary on Monty Python.
218
00:12:08,663 --> 00:12:12,105
Even I was bored, I just wanted to
see if she'd make it to the end.
219
00:12:12,603 --> 00:12:15,041
- You sound kind of proud of it.
- I am; I'm really proud.
220
00:12:15,074 --> 00:12:16,757
- (laughs)
- Yeah.
221
00:12:18,581 --> 00:12:20,513
Hello, Sheldon. Is
everything okay?
222
00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:21,555
Yes.
223
00:12:21,713 --> 00:12:22,563
Why?
224
00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:24,977
Well, the last time you made
an unscheduled video-chat,
225
00:12:24,999 --> 00:12:26,904
there was a curly fry
in your regular fries
226
00:12:26,925 --> 00:12:30,151
and you thought someone might
be trying to slip you a mickey.
227
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,742
April 13...
228
00:12:33,865 --> 00:12:36,482
a dark night, indeed.
229
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:38,948
So what can I do for you?
230
00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:43,595
I'm calling to invite you to a
spontaneous date night tomorrow evening.
231
00:12:43,682 --> 00:12:45,608
- Really?
- Yes.
232
00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:49,051
You were kind enough to watch
Raiders of the Lost Ark with me.
233
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,295
So I'd like to return the favor
234
00:12:51,318 --> 00:12:56,296
by inviting you to watch an episode of
your favorite childhood television series,
235
00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:58,414
Little House on the Prairie.
236
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:02,287
That sounds lovely.
237
00:13:02,675 --> 00:13:05,062
Why are you rubbing
your hands together?
238
00:13:07,304 --> 00:13:08,623
Um...
239
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:11,621
I'm putting on lotion.
Are you in or not?
240
00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:14,494
- Of course I'm in.
- Excellent.
241
00:13:14,533 --> 00:13:16,252
Then I shall see you tomorrow.
242
00:13:16,276 --> 00:13:17,833
Good night, Dr. Fowler.
243
00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,425
Good night, Dr. Cooper.
244
00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,348
Good night, indeed.
245
00:13:23,652 --> 00:13:25,023
What a rube.
246
00:13:25,043 --> 00:13:27,887
Why would I put on lotion
when I have such soft hands?
247
00:13:30,306 --> 00:13:32,930
You were really quiet during dinner.
Is everything okay?
248
00:13:33,048 --> 00:13:36,169
Yeah. I guess I was just
thinking about my mom, and
249
00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:38,339
how sad my childhood was.
250
00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:43,786
Yeah, I bet it sucked. I'm gonna
take a bath; you do the dishes.
251
00:13:44,238 --> 00:13:48,157
How about I take a bath with
you and see what happens.
252
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:50,509
Here's what's gonna happen:
253
00:13:50,536 --> 00:13:53,027
I'm gonna take a bath, and
you're gonna do the dishes.
254
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:55,703
That's it? No compassion?
255
00:13:55,809 --> 00:13:58,277
Aw, poor Howie. We good?
I'm gonna take a bath.
256
00:13:58,931 --> 00:14:00,079
Bernie...
257
00:14:00,095 --> 00:14:02,539
God, what is going on with you?
258
00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:04,911
I'm sharing my pain.
259
00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:08,796
And I'm not buying it.
Try again.
260
00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:12,943
I'm learning to be
a man in a culture
261
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:15,846
where it's increasingly
difficult to know how...?
262
00:14:15,868 --> 00:14:17,977
Strike two.
263
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,379
I'm copying Leonard. When
he does this to Penny,
264
00:14:21,391 --> 00:14:23,492
they have sex and
watch Monty Python.
265
00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:26,626
- Howard! I know.
- It was dumb, I shouldn't have done it.
266
00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:29,379
And it's making me feel sad...
267
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,883
So sad.
268
00:14:34,309 --> 00:14:36,686
You know, why don't you
take a bath? I'll do the dishes.
269
00:14:40,185 --> 00:14:43,205
Three, two, one...
270
00:14:43,857 --> 00:14:44,975
That's it.
271
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,808
Our dating profiles are
live on the Internet.
272
00:14:47,965 --> 00:14:52,738
Attention all shoppers: my
business is open for business!
273
00:14:53,938 --> 00:14:55,676
That's right, ladies.
274
00:14:55,683 --> 00:14:59,467
For all you know, I'm confident
and fun to be around.
275
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:01,406
(chuckles)
276
00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:02,958
(computer chimes)
277
00:15:02,973 --> 00:15:06,304
Oh, cool, it tells you when
someone's reading your profile.
278
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:09,201
"Jenny309."
279
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,838
I hope that's not her weight.
280
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:15,108
If it is, I'll...
I'll take her.
281
00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:17,931
Good one.
282
00:15:17,966 --> 00:15:19,075
(chimes)
283
00:15:19,143 --> 00:15:21,337
Ooh, I got one, too.
284
00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:24,075
The ladies are coming to us.
285
00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:27,474
Oh, man, if I'd started
this years ago,
286
00:15:27,499 --> 00:15:30,066
I'd be divorced two
or three times by now.
287
00:15:30,839 --> 00:15:31,645
(chimes)
288
00:15:31,655 --> 00:15:33,522
What...? Another one.
289
00:15:34,181 --> 00:15:35,595
You know,
it... it's weird.
290
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:37,179
When they're reading
your profile, does it...
291
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,941
does it make you feel exposed?
Like they see you naked?
292
00:15:42,328 --> 00:15:45,371
Well, they're not running
away screaming, so, no.
293
00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:49,637
I love Little House.
294
00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:53,464
It made me want to live on a farm
so much I tried to milk my cat.
295
00:15:56,961 --> 00:15:59,977
That tangy bowl of Cheerios
was not worth the stitches.
296
00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:07,247
Well, you sit back, relax and
enjoy a beloved childhood memory.
297
00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:10,466
( Little House on the Prairie
theme music plays)
298
00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:13,732
(whispering):
You see that cabin there?
299
00:16:13,786 --> 00:16:17,728
I read they were illegally
squatting on Indian land.
300
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:23,451
Yeah. Personally, I think what we did
to the Native Americans was wrong,
301
00:16:23,468 --> 00:16:26,218
but this is your
favorite show, not mine.
302
00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:31,670
Oh, look at little Laura Ingalls,
eating that peanut butter sandwich.
303
00:16:32,064 --> 00:16:35,108
Peanut butter?! Huh!
304
00:16:36,118 --> 00:16:41,840
That's strange, since peanut butter
wasn't introduced until the early 1900s.
305
00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:48,513
If I knew this show was about time travel,
I would have watched it much sooner.
306
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,968
You're trying to get back at me for what
I said about Raiders of the Lost Ark.
307
00:16:54,987 --> 00:16:56,535
That's silly.
308
00:16:56,679 --> 00:17:00,744
Almost as silly as Dr. Baker having a
telephone, since telephones only existed
309
00:17:00,768 --> 00:17:02,605
in large cities at that time.
310
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:06,169
This is more like Little
House on the Preposterous.
311
00:17:07,446 --> 00:17:09,718
Sheldon, we're
in a relationship.
312
00:17:09,924 --> 00:17:12,407
When you get angry,
just tell me.
313
00:17:12,539 --> 00:17:14,557
You don't need to seek revenge.
314
00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:16,433
Are you sure?
315
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,534
Every time my dad
stayed out all night,
316
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:22,780
my mom would put hamster
poop in his chewing tobacco.
317
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:26,969
Well, that's not how
we're going to do it.
318
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,571
Fine.
319
00:17:28,963 --> 00:17:30,369
I'm mad at you.
320
00:17:30,464 --> 00:17:34,869
Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, you
may have ruined the whole franchise.
321
00:17:35,146 --> 00:17:38,997
Except for the fourth one, which was
bad before you got your mitts on it.
322
00:17:40,409 --> 00:17:43,123
I-I shouldn't have said it.
I'm sorry.
323
00:17:43,315 --> 00:17:44,540
Thank you.
324
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:47,168
- Do you feel better?
- Yes.
325
00:17:47,636 --> 00:17:49,381
But not as good as
I'm going to when I tell you
326
00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:52,595
that your precious Garfield has
no reason to hate Mondays.
327
00:17:53,828 --> 00:17:56,329
He's a cat. He
doesn't have a job.
328
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:04,140
Hey, I was just--
what is happening?
329
00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:07,204
Oh, just a little treat.
330
00:18:07,242 --> 00:18:10,470
I know you've been feeling really
bad about your mom lately.
331
00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:13,396
Oh, oh, I have. So bad.
332
00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:15,964
And I wanted to make
you feel better,
333
00:18:15,972 --> 00:18:18,579
so I planned something
very special for you.
334
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,515
Uh-huh, uh-huh. I can
already feel it working.
335
00:18:23,815 --> 00:18:25,696
Hello, Leonard.
336
00:18:28,543 --> 00:18:29,636
Mom?!
337
00:18:29,656 --> 00:18:32,796
I understand you have been
whining about my parenting
338
00:18:32,805 --> 00:18:35,671
in order to emotionally
manipulate your girlfriend.
339
00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:37,280
I... uh...
340
00:18:37,303 --> 00:18:38,717
Bernadette told me everything.
341
00:18:38,746 --> 00:18:40,970
Now you don't get
the left or the right.
342
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:47,801
BEVERLY: Let's discuss why you continue
to involve me in your sex life.
343
00:18:47,881 --> 00:18:51,083
Oh, please, Mommy. No, Mommy.
344
00:18:51,449 --> 00:18:56,032
When you were six years old, you
walked in on me and your father naked.
345
00:18:56,929 --> 00:19:01,429
I was swatting his bottom with
your brand new Ping Pong paddle.
346
00:19:04,325 --> 00:19:06,877
I didn't dream that?
347
00:19:08,284 --> 00:19:10,517
How did that make you feel?
348
00:19:11,647 --> 00:19:14,787
Penny, come back! I'm
sad for real now!
349
00:19:16,266 --> 00:19:20,766
In the last two hours, 162
women have read our profiles.
350
00:19:20,922 --> 00:19:22,547
How many of them have
sent us messages?
351
00:19:22,616 --> 00:19:24,322
- Combined?
- Yes.
352
00:19:24,377 --> 00:19:26,040
Zero.
353
00:19:28,164 --> 00:19:30,128
Dude, this is...
this is brutal.
354
00:19:30,144 --> 00:19:32,875
I don't think I've
ever felt so rejected.
355
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:37,135
And I had a rescue dog who
ran back to the pound.
356
00:19:39,716 --> 00:19:40,728
This is the worst.
357
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:44,674
If we're gonna get shot down, we might as
well just go to a bar and do it old school.
358
00:19:44,699 --> 00:19:46,485
And make them
look us in the eye.
359
00:19:46,508 --> 00:19:48,533
Yeah, anything is
better than this.
360
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,079
Hello.
361
00:19:50,402 --> 00:19:52,006
Not interested.
362
00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:56,292
I was wrong.
This is worse.
363
00:20:00,307 --> 00:20:02,592
("Raiders March" playing on TV)
364
00:20:05,282 --> 00:20:07,748
Wait, wait-- if it wasn't
for Indiana Jones,
365
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,831
the ark would never have
ended up at the warehouse!
366
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,497
(gasps)
That's true!
367
00:20:11,538 --> 00:20:15,670
He collected and delivered the ark to
the proper authorities for filing.
368
00:20:15,702 --> 00:20:16,733
Like a hero!
369
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,273
- Yeah!
- Yes! - Right!
370
00:20:20,626 --> 00:20:23,964
Although, technically, Indy was supposed
to take the ark to a museum to be studied.
371
00:20:23,983 --> 00:20:26,012
He couldn't even get that done.
372
00:20:27,838 --> 00:20:29,545
ALL:
Aw...
373
00:20:30,135 --> 00:20:35,135
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther