1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,892
Hey, I've gained a lot of ground
in the polls. That's good news.
2
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,870
Yeah. I have you down
only four points.
3
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,873
But they're running a ton
of new negative ads.
4
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,431
Maybe you should fight back.
5
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,205
Ben, your heart's in the right place.
Your heart and your butt.
6
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,905
I will not go negative.
7
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:15,038
Crap on a turd!
8
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,178
Care for a "Recall Knope"
gift bag?
9
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:20,012
LESLIE: The Committee to Recall
Leslie Knope is relentless.
10
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,381
Look what they're handing
out at elementary schools.
11
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:26,452
LESLIE DOLL: I'm Leslie Knope.
Tell your parents to recall me.
12
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,183
(DOLL FARTING)
13
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,225
(FARTING CONTINUES)
14
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:36,564
We all know that I cannot spend as
much money on ads as my opponent.
15
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,799
But I printed out
10,000 "Don't" stickers.
16
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,205
And 10,000
question mark stickers.
17
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,774
That way, if you see
a sign that says
18
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,142
"Recall Knope,"
all you need to do is add
19
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,703
the question mark
and the "Don't,"
20
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,478
and suddenly, it reads
"Recall Knope? Don't!"
21
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:53,914
Why don't you just put the "Don't"
in front of "Recall Knope"?
22
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,488
Yep. That's a much
better idea.
23
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,717
Can I have these
question mark stickers?
24
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,657
Why? I want to put
them on stop signs.
25
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,022
April, no!
26
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,000
Ripped By mstoll
27
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,809
Hi. Um, I need
to talk to
28
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,284
somebody about reserving a park.
29
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,083
Oh, we have a new policy.
30
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,214
Parks can only be
reserved for witch covens
31
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,849
or Slip 'N Slide competitions.
Which one are you?
32
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:35,187
Uh, Slip 'N Slide competition.
33
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,250
Seriously?
34
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,689
No. How would you even compete
in something like that?
35
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:39,787
Doesn't matter.
36
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:42,967
Um, I called earlier about
the free vaccinations thing?
37
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,367
We're hoping to set up
38
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,804
a mobile hospital
in one of your parks.
39
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:49,364
Sorry, is there
something wrong with him?
40
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,112
Tom. This witch
wants to reserve a park
41
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,840
for her satanic ritual.
Can you help her?
42
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:59,313
Right. Smashing.
Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford.
43
00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,615
I sort of run
the whole department.
44
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,121
Um, what was the name, then?
45
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,951
Uh, Nadia Statsky.
I'm from Doctors Without Borders.
46
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,925
Brilliant.
The old D's without B's.
47
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,361
Uh, we can definitely help.
48
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:15,093
Yeah, Tom's your guy. He actually
used to run the Parks Department
49
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:16,658
in his home country of Russia.
50
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:22,803
This one is mental. She's joking,
obviously. How could I be from Russia?
51
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,572
Not with this spot-on
British accent.
52
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,442
We can definitely
get you sorted.
53
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:30,044
Right this way.
Okay.
54
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,486
Whoa! I am pretty sure
55
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:35,885
you shouldn't have
a weapon at work.
56
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,421
Literally everything
is a weapon, son.
57
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,152
That folder, in my hands,
58
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,217
is far deadlier
than this bow in yours.
59
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,762
Oh, that's probably true.
60
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,197
So, Leslie and I just finished
putting together our will,
61
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,598
and she wants
you to be the witness.
62
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,726
You mind signing it?
63
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,061
That's your will?
You need that many pages
64
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:53,969
to say, "Give my stuff
to my wife"?
65
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,871
It's a complicated
legal document.
66
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:57,000
Doesn't have to be.
67
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,938
I've had the same will
since I was eight years old.
68
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,016
"Upon my death,
all of my belongings
69
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:08,053
"shall transfer to the man or
animal who has killed me."
70
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:10,453
What are these weird symbols?
71
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,320
The man who kills me will know.
72
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:15,186
Okay. You should
really have a will
73
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,161
that's more than
one sentence long.
74
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,061
You have a wife and kids now. I
could introduce you to our lawyer.
75
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,730
The three most useless jobs
in the world are, in order,
76
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,772
lawyer, congressman
and doctor. Pass.
77
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:29,399
Ron, that document is nothing.
It's not even notarized.
78
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:32,310
You know, if you die and you
don't have a real will,
79
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,471
most of what you own
will go to the government.
80
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,549
Where is this
lawyer you speak of?
81
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:41,446
I am pleased to
formally submit Bill 68-J,
82
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:44,217
which funds a new bike
path in Ramsett Park.
83
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,417
Motion to table this bill.
Second.
84
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,351
I also submit Bill 68-R.
85
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,918
Motion to table.
Second.
86
00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:51,562
You guys want to
delay all my bills?
87
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,962
Fine. I'm just going
to keep my head down
88
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:54,158
and continue to get work done.
89
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,829
Oh, well, motion to end the session
early so nothing can get done.
90
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,166
Second.
Ah, you guys are the worst.
91
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,568
Sorry, Knope.
We're just looking
92
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:03,336
for any possible way
to get you recalled
93
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,570
because we don't like you.
It's nothing personal.
94
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:06,906
It absolutely is personal.
95
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,106
That is the definition
of "personal."
96
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:09,845
The definition of "personal."
97
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:10,905
(FARTING)
Ooh!
98
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:11,973
(ALL LAUGH)
99
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,149
Excuse me.
We have an issue.
100
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,122
A tweet has been tweeted from
the Parks and Rec Twitter,
101
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,091
and I'm afraid it is
quite sexually graphic.
102
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:23,457
(SIGHS) It's probably just some bored
teenager who hacked the account.
103
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,596
Whoever it is, it is quite serious.
Take a look at this.
104
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,397
I don't want you to get
recalled, Knope, but damn,
105
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,959
these people know
how to pick a neck massager.
106
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,699
And before you get on my case about
the stickers, I already did them.
107
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:35,864
Donna, there is
trouble a-brewing.
108
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,240
We think that you
may have accidentally
109
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:40,108
tweeted from
the Parks and Rec account
110
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:41,840
rather than your
own personal account.
111
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,506
Oh-oh. What did it say?
112
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,149
"See you tonight.
Hope you like
113
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,618
"tongue baths,
you big, nasty fireman."
114
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,845
Then, there's
a picture of a pair of lips,
115
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,287
and then a picture
of an eggplant.
116
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,357
I am both confused
and, if we're being
117
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,485
totally honest, a little aroused.
Ew!
118
00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,654
Not to give you too much of a
peek into my personal life,
119
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,254
but this could
have been way worse.
120
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,424
What's important is
we deleted the tweet,
121
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:02,729
and nobody is going
to know it's you.
122
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,667
But Donna, you know, be
more careful in the future.
123
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,767
This could have really
blown up in my face.
124
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,107
I'm here live at
a press conference,
125
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:14,441
where Councilman Jeremy
Jamm will discuss
126
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,709
a government
scandal we are calling
127
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,478
"Twitter Watergate"
until we can find
128
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,381
a snappier name for it.
129
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,947
Tongue baths?
Eggplants? Firemen?
130
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:28,383
Those men are heroes
who deserve respect. 9/11.
131
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:29,450
(CHEERING)
132
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,929
This is how Leslie Knope
runs her Parks Department?
133
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,866
We are going to hold hearing after
hearing until we are satisfied.
134
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:39,894
This will be blown way out of proportion.
You have my word on it.
135
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:41,028
(CHEERING)
136
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,703
Ooh. This is bad.
I'm going to get fired.
137
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,403
No one is getting
fired. Okay?
138
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:48,208
Jamm is trying to use this
to hurt me in the recall.
139
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,316
He's trying to take me down,
and he's willing
140
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,078
to attack my friends
in the process?
141
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:54,051
No. No way. Not on my watch.
Not on her watch.
142
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,314
He is not going
to sully your name.
143
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:56,377
No sullying allowed.
144
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,481
Don't worry about it, Donna. We're
going to nip this in the bud.
145
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,150
Guard your buds. Because
they're about to get nipped.
146
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,385
Okay.
Okay.
147
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,694
So, why does Doctors Without
Borders want to come to Pawnee?
148
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:11,236
Pawnee is like a petri
dish of weird diseases.
149
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,861
Did you know you have
a higher rate of the
150
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,804
West Nile virus than
the actual Western Nile?
151
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:17,876
Sorry, West Nile. Looks
like Pawnee wins again.
152
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,438
What else have you beaten
the Western Nile in?
153
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:22,738
Cricket.
154
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:25,984
Ah. Just fill out
these forms
155
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:29,813
and we will be all set like
two biscuits inside a tin.
156
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,089
So, you've gone insane.
That's fun.
157
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:38,153
I just panicked.
She's so out of my league,
158
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,664
my brain just
made me talk that way
159
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,393
so I'd seem cooler.
What should I do?
160
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,901
Nothing. This is amazing.
April!
161
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:46,366
Fine. If you want
to have a chance
162
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:47,872
with her, obviously,
you have to stop.
163
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,870
It's either that or you talk like
that for the rest of your life.
164
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,502
You think she'd marry me?
165
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,143
All right, just let
me do the talking here.
166
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,477
Okay? I mean,
he's a lawyer,
167
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,415
I'm an accountant.
We speak the same language.
168
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,984
I mean, obviously, accountants
are a little more bad boy.
169
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:05,250
But there's a respect there.
170
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:06,653
When will this be over?
171
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,887
Hey, Trevor. I've been talking
to Ron about estate planning,
172
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:14,365
and he is here to do
some good will hunting.
173
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,932
Because he has to
draw up a new will, so...
174
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,934
Yes, I understand,
Mr. Wyatt. Thank you.
175
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,472
As I've said before,
I just don't like puns.
176
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,197
Oh. Well, my accountant
friends seem to enjoy them.
177
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,869
Mr. Swanson, let's begin
by filling out
178
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,936
this form listing your
assets and liabilities.
179
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,480
Nice try.
180
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:30,709
I'm not telling you how much
181
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,785
money I have, where it's hidden,
182
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:35,446
or which precious
metals and/or gemstones
183
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,284
it may or may not
take the form of.
184
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:39,822
If you don't give me the information
I need, there's nothing I can do.
185
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:43,293
Come on, Trevor. Where there's
a will, there's a way.
186
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,688
I'm going to say this
one last time, Wyatt.
187
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,199
Check the accountant
crap at the door.
188
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,201
Yes, sir, I will.
Unintentional.
189
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,370
All right, let's begin.
These hearings have two goals.
190
00:07:56,108 --> 00:08:00,477
One, to find out exactly how this
offensive tweet came to be sent.
191
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,274
And two, to turn this whole
thing into a media circus.
192
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,047
Ms. Knope,
do you have a statement?
193
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:06,776
Well, it's actually
quite simple.
194
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:10,050
A Parks and Rec employee
forgot to log out
195
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,316
of the Parks and Rec
Twitter account,
196
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:15,918
and they posted a personal,
private message by accident.
197
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,862
And that person is very sorry
and it won't happen again.
198
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,923
Stop stonewalling and tell
us what happened here.
199
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,459
I just told you what happened.
It was an unfortunate mistake.
200
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,035
All right. Sadly,
due to your intracksidence...
201
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,368
Not a word. We may never
find out what happened.
202
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:34,910
When this sick, depraved tweet
first came to light, you said,
203
00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:39,481
"The account was probably
hacked by some bored teenager."
204
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:42,052
Now, you're saying
it's an unfortunate mistake.
205
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,049
Why do you keep
flip-flopping?
206
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,623
Well, because I
learned new information.
207
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:50,592
When I was four, I thought that
chocolate milk came from brown cows.
208
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,723
And then, I "flip-flopped"
when I found out that there
209
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:55,824
was something
called chocolate syrup.
210
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,663
I don't think I'm out of line when
I say that this scandal makes
211
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,569
Benghazi look like Whitewater.
212
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,702
That's utterly meaningless.
213
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,503
I think we need to hear from the
unnamed employee behind the tweet.
214
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,303
Perhaps he or she...
215
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:11,315
Or them. Could be
a bunch of hot ladies.
216
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:15,016
Yes. Perhaps "them" can finally
give us the answers we need.
217
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,216
What, what, what?
There she is.
218
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,417
Nadia, I didn't
know what you wanted,
219
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:22,893
so I got you
a cappuccino, a latte,
220
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,659
four bags of coffee beans
and a mini espresso machine.
221
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,460
What happened to your accent?
222
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,769
Oh, yeah, it's gone.
223
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:35,138
Huh. You know,
I had a cold recently.
224
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,232
And I think that may
have affected my voice,
225
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:39,778
like, in certain British ways.
226
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,710
Well, that's all
there is to that story.
227
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,271
So, no need for
any more questions.
228
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:46,216
You have a cold?
Can I feel your glands?
229
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:47,479
Sure.
230
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,053
Wow. You are wearing a lot of
moisturizer on your throat.
231
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,985
Best way to prevent crow's neck.
232
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,686
Is this glitter?
233
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,260
So, those are the forms.
You filled them out.
234
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,628
Great. April's going
to file these.
235
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,732
Hey. When is the thing
you're doing in the park?
236
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:03,894
I'd love to come by.
237
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:06,029
Maybe help administer vaccines?
238
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:08,330
Oh. Are you a doctor somehow?
239
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,400
No.
240
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,411
No follow-up to that?
Okay, great.
241
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,946
Well, I'm not actually going
to be attending the event.
242
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,846
So, if you could
just give me the permit
243
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:21,580
so that I can go home to Indianapolis
and never come back here.
244
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:27,120
I am in love with Nadia
whatever-her-last-name-is.
245
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:29,886
And I'm going to keep her here using
the most powerful weapon I have.
246
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,058
Bureaucratic incompetence.
247
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,063
Oh, no.
248
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,159
(SIGHS) You filled
out form 3208.
249
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,636
You were supposed to
fill out form 3248.
250
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:44,003
Oh, God. This is to lease
a hangar at the airport.
251
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,270
I know. It's so crazy,
it almost sounds made up.
252
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,340
Bureaucracy, right?
What are you going to do?
253
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:53,881
Huh? Weird. Someone left out a
blender, fresh fruits and rum?
254
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,881
I guess we've got to,
like, make daiquiris now.
255
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:58,348
I like to listen to music
while I work, you know?
256
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,355
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
You feel that song?
257
00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:03,356
What is this place?
258
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,589
(BANGING GAVEL)
259
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:08,225
Ms. Meagle,
let me first say that
260
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,325
I am a big fan of your writing.
261
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,092
Thank you.
262
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:15,766
It's good stuff.
Really good stuff.
263
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,770
Okay. Does anyone else here
see a double standard?
264
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,511
Councilman Dexhart is currently
265
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,944
being sued by
two different women
266
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,106
for sexual harassment.
267
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,809
One of whom was the judge
in the first woman's trial.
268
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,518
She was talking dirty to me.
269
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:30,248
She was reading the e-mails that
you sent to the first woman.
270
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:34,285
Look, I obviously never meant to
embarrass the Parks Department.
271
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,520
My personal account
is set to private.
272
00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:39,093
Yeah. I don't even know
what she writes on there.
273
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,529
Well, you may not know what
she's writing, but we do.
274
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:46,237
In a shocking twist to an already
juicy story, we have obtained access
275
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:49,399
to Ms. Meagle's
account via a third party.
276
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,203
Same hairdresser.
277
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:55,810
Damn it, Typhoon.
Why did you do this?
278
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,243
Maybe if you had
bothered to come to
279
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:58,840
my Great Gatsby brunch,
you'd know.
280
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,383
I don't even need an exact number.
Just ballpark it.
281
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:04,682
That's all I
need to get started.
282
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,983
Or I'm sure the state
government would love
283
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,425
to use your money to
hire more bureaucrats.
284
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,393
Maybe build a library.
Fine!
285
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,727
A ballpark figure.
286
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:14,993
Thank you. God.
287
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,974
Holy (BLEEP).
Is this a joke?
288
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,609
Another word for
jokes is "lies."
289
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,943
I do not lie.
Therefore, I do not joke.
290
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,479
Mr. Swanson,
an estate of this size
291
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,881
means that your
children would never
292
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,385
have to work
a day in their lives.
293
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,818
This is going to take some time.
294
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,817
Trusts need to be drawn, tax shelters...
That's enough.
295
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,485
I don't need some
drawn-out legal expedition
296
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:43,960
to tell me what I
knew when I was eight.
297
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:45,691
Here is my original will.
298
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,756
Do whatever lawyer nonsense you
have to, to make it official
299
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,733
and I will sign it.
Good day.
300
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:52,361
Wait. What are all
these symbols?
301
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,761
(CHUCKLES)
302
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,373
I was right not to
be threatened by you.
303
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,144
Okay. I would like to
enter into the record
304
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:02,077
a selection of
Ms. Meagle's tweets.
305
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,680
Uh-oh. Can I request
a brief recess?
306
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,680
It's okay, Donna. I'm not
going to let them fire you.
307
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,783
Yeah, it's not me
I'm worried about.
308
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,014
Ms. Beavers, if you please.
309
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:13,219
Yesterday, 9:02 a.m.
310
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:17,954
"Annoying-ass Leslie has given
me another annoying-ass task.
311
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:21,531
"Number sign stickers,
number sign BitchBoss."
312
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,437
"September 25th.
Twitter poll.
313
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:30,405
"On a scale of 98 to 100,
how annoying is Leslie Knope?
314
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:33,473
"Because you know it
ain't less than 98.
315
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:38,249
"All my number sign True
Blood fans know what's up."
316
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:42,977
Page after page of personal
attacks on Leslie Knope.
317
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,988
Not only do you have no
control over your department,
318
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,083
you don't even have the
respect of your employees.
319
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,185
That's what you really think of me?
You think I'm annoying?
320
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,987
Leslie, sometimes
you're kind of annoying.
321
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,259
I mean, I thought
that was your thing.
322
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,127
My thing? My thing
is not being annoying.
323
00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:00,466
My things are making
friendship bracelets
324
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,029
and dancing like
nobody's watching.
325
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,542
Thinking up really cool
nicknames for my friends.
326
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,901
You, of all people, should
know that, El Diablo.
327
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,113
Look. The only reason
I'm even on Twitter
328
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,478
is to blow off steam about work
329
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,881
and tweet nasty stuff
to dudes with washboard abs.
330
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,213
You really think I hate you,
331
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,278
after all we've been
through the last 10 years?
332
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,621
I honestly don't know anymore.
333
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,049
(GAVEL BANGING)
334
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,526
Okay, I think we've done
a lot of good here today.
335
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:29,130
Leslie, I'm sorry,
but I could not
336
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,600
postpone these
pointless hearings
337
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,660
that Jamm is having.
He is just determined.
338
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:35,569
Well, thank you for trying.
I have a question for you.
339
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:37,375
Do you think I'm annoying?
No.
340
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:38,807
Are you lying?
No.
341
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,503
Are you trying to protect
my feelings? No.
342
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,376
Do you think I'm being
annoying right now? Yes.
343
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:43,947
So, you do think I'm annoying.
344
00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:47,015
I think that you ask a lot of
the people that you work with.
345
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,617
And I think the people do what
you ask because they love you.
346
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,652
But I also think that
driving people as hard
347
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,956
as you do can
ruffle some feathers.
348
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:59,155
I think a lot of things. I like thinking.
And racquetball.
349
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,357
Now who's annoying?
350
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,332
I spent the last hour reading
some of Donna's old tweets.
351
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,700
And turns out there are some more
things that she's said about you.
352
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,497
"Message to the recall haters. You
can't keep Leslie Knope down.
353
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,567
"She's too real for this ish.
Hashtag BossBitch."
354
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,846
"Leslie Knope is
stepping up at these
355
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,314
"hearings and
taking a bullet for me.
356
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,751
"Hashtag Sister From Another
Mister, hashtag BossBitch."
357
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,379
It appears, whereas
"BitchBoss" is clearly
358
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,683
an indication of
her frustration,
359
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,925
"BossBitch" is a term of endearment.
Isn't language fun?
360
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,720
It's like racquetball
for your mouth.
361
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,118
(SIGHS)
362
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:32,956
APRIL: Did you change
your outfit?
363
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,899
I've changed five times,
and she hasn't noticed yet.
364
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:37,833
I can only stall for so long.
What should I do?
365
00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:41,031
Um, I just finished filling this one out.
I didn't know what to put for
366
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,733
"Name of Commercial
Airline" because
367
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:44,400
I do not operate
a commercial airline.
368
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:45,465
So, I just made one up.
369
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,374
What did you name
your imaginary airline?
370
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,947
"Jet Blue Ivy." I figure
Jay-Z and Beyoncé's
371
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,380
kid will own her
own airline eventually.
372
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:54,408
She's the one.
373
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,522
So, can I have
my permit now? Finally?
374
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:58,712
Uh...
375
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:03,794
No. There was a mistake, and we
gave the park to someone else.
376
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,123
What?
Maybe I can drive you around
377
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,061
and we'll pick another one?
378
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,465
Maybe I'll bring a picnic lunch.
Do you like tamales?
379
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,899
You said that that
park was ours.
380
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,702
You said it a long time
ago in a British accent.
381
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,333
I probably shouldn't say this as a doctor.
It's probably not cool.
382
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,578
But I really hope you
all get West Nile virus.
383
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:25,242
Nice meeting you, April.
Kind of. You're weird, too.
384
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:26,844
Thank you.
385
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,819
We need to talk.
386
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,085
That has never been true.
387
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,325
I think I know what's happening.
388
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,118
Thinking about how to divide up
389
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,222
your possessions
for when you die...
390
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,065
It's tough confronting
your own mortality.
391
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,529
And I think it's got
you spinning a little bit.
392
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:47,961
Am I right?
393
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,542
Wow. I had not
considered that.
394
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,076
Yes, I think that maybe
you are onto something.
395
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,774
Yeah. Just know that it's perfectly
healthy to be thinking about...
396
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:00,607
Oh, you're joking.
397
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:04,883
Yes, son, I am. First joke ever.
Don't care for it.
398
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:09,384
Death does not scare me. What I am
worried about is spoiling my children.
399
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,755
I don't want them to be the
kind of people who never work,
400
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:16,623
live off their trust funds, who
buy their wooden furniture.
401
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:19,360
I will leave my
children $50 a piece
402
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,099
for the cab home from my funeral
403
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,765
and a steak dinner.
End of discussion.
404
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,140
Okay. I mean, look.
It doesn't matter
405
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,734
how much money
you leave your kids.
406
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,440
What matters is that you
teach them the right values.
407
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,576
But if something
horrible happens and
408
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,242
you want your kids
to be left alone with
409
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,910
no safety net just
so they can learn some
410
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,217
kind of weird lesson,
then by all means,
411
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:40,185
leave your fortune to the wild
boar who gores you to death.
412
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:44,485
I'd never lose to a boar.
413
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:54,666
I'm sorry if I can be a
little annoying at times.
414
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,435
But one person's "annoying"
415
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,840
is another person's
"inspiring and heroic."
416
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,970
So, you know,
who are we to judge?
417
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:05,606
And I'm sorry for writing those things.
Some of those things.
418
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:10,752
I can't promise that I won't be
inspiring and heroic in the future.
419
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,451
And I can't promise that I
won't complain about it.
420
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,028
Deal. I got you an
apology present.
421
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:20,559
Oh. It is all of your favorite
lipsticks and nail polishes.
422
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:21,724
And I got the same ones, too.
423
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,166
I printed out a schedule so we
can wear them at the same time.
424
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:27,270
Now, I would like you to open each
one in front of me and tell me
425
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:28,897
how you feel about
them individually.
426
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,438
Let me take a picture.
427
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:31,867
Are you tweeting this?
428
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,034
Mmm-hmm.
429
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,478
What's the hashtag going to be?
"BossBitch" or "BitchBoss"?
430
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:36,739
Yeah, it's "PsychoBoss."
431
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,111
Mmm. I don't hate that.
432
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,819
Benjamin. After thinking
about what you said,
433
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:47,620
I've decided to leave each of
my children 5% of my fortune.
434
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,291
Wow, five whole percent.
435
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,193
So, I guess you are going to
teach them a lesson. Oh, my God.
436
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:58,498
That's 5%? That is a lot of money.
Wait, is this a joke?
437
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,972
It is not a joke. Not that an
accountant would know the difference.
438
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,234
Also, if something should
happen to Diane and me,
439
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,211
we decided that
the kids should go to
440
00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,042
the most important
people in our lives.
441
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,946
Ron, I'm incredibly flattered.
442
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,349
Ralph Piatkowski
and his wife, Helen.
443
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,581
He's the maître d' at
Mulligan's Steakhouse,
444
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,481
and he knows me
better than anyone.
445
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,721
However, if they
are not able to do it,
446
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,761
which seems likely,
as they're in their 90s,
447
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,521
you and Leslie are
choice number two.
448
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:28,226
I'm honored.
449
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:32,400
Everyone, take your seats, so this
witch hunt may proceed as scheduled.
450
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,663
Speaking of,
where are the witches?
451
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,764
They're right here.
452
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,839
Well, we're not witches.
That's sexist
453
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,741
and offensive.
But we're right here.
454
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:42,711
And we are not going to sit in this
room and let you drag our names
455
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:45,215
through the mud just to score
some cheap political points.
456
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:49,084
How dare you demean the value of
the political points I'm scoring?
457
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,052
We have had enough.
I'm going back to
458
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,750
work so I can do
some good for this town.
459
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:54,722
And my friend,
Donna, is coming with me.
460
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,522
Hmm. I prefer El Diablo.
461
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,591
Uh, this is not over,
Ms. Knope.
462
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:02,097
Donna, quit punishing me.
I miss you.
463
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:06,537
Uh-huh. Bridge burned, Typhoon.
Or should I say "Norman"?
464
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,161
Uh-huh.
465
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:11,405
Okay. I'm just going to man
up and tell her how I feel
466
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:13,239
and hope she feels
the same way about me.
467
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:14,939
And that's that. If she
doesn't, no big deal.
468
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,378
It's done. I'm an adult.
Let's do it.
469
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:17,842
Great.
470
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:21,413
Nope. I can't do it. New plan. Tell her
all the screw-ups were your fault.
471
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,818
I'll tell her I had to cover for
you because you are so dumb.
472
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,984
Nadia! Good to see you!
473
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:28,821
We're very sorry for everything
you went through today.
474
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:31,595
I have reserved
the park for your event.
475
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:35,565
Now, April has something
she'd like to admit.
476
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,092
Tom wants me to tell you that all
the screw-ups were my fault.
477
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,569
But really, he kept
messing up so that you
478
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,230
would stay in Pawnee
as long as possible
479
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:42,898
because he is super into you.
480
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:45,737
Oh. Okay.
481
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,745
Several questions.
Is any part of him British?
482
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,280
No.
So, that was just weird,
483
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:51,906
panicky, dude behavior?
Yeah.
484
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:54,050
Okay. I'm just trying
to figure out if acting
485
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,486
that insane is, like,
romantic or totally scary.
486
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,680
I'll go with romantic.
487
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:01,881
He is kind of cute.
488
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:03,555
What's his deal?
489
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,893
He's sweet. He's cool. And you're,
like, way out of his league,
490
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,830
so there's literally no
risk for you at all here.
491
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,570
Okay. Well, I'm going
to Rwanda in, like,
492
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,265
two weeks for my job,
so what the hell.
493
00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:16,371
Cool. So, you want
to go out with me?
494
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:18,365
Yes, please.
495
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,933
Okay. Bye.
496
00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:24,875
Okay. You owe me, like 1,000 favors.
See you.
497
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:35,500
Ripped By mstoll