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Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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Orson, Indiana--
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heart of the heartland.
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Proud home of Little Betty
Snack Cakes,
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the Demolition Derby
for the homeless,
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and the world's largest
polyurethane cow.
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And this year, our little town
was turning 100,
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the Orsontennial, and everybody
was super-excited.
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Don't answer it.
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You have to get it.
The machine's broken.
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Then you get it.
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I'm pooping!
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Hello.
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What?
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Oh, hang on. Sue.
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Did you sign up for
the Orson Float Committee?
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No.
Are they looking for people?
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Ooh! I'll do it!
I'll do it! I'll do it!
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I can totally do it.
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Please, please,
please, please, please!
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- I can be on it!
- Wait, what?
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Okay.
It's not for you.
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Wh--
I didn't make it?
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Is there an alternate squad?
Is there a waiting list?
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Ooh, is there a Clean-Up
Committee?
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'Cause I have Clean-Up-Committee
experience, you know?
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Okay. Hang on.
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Look, I-I-I don't know anything
about that.
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She's gonna have to
call you back.
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Hey.
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Did you sign us up for some
Orsontennial Float Committee?
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Yeah, right, that sounds exactly
like something I would do.
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Wait a minute.
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Hey, Frankie.
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How would you and Mike
like to drive a float
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in the centennial parade?
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You bet I would!
Hey, Mike!
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Nancy wants us to drive a float
in the centennial parade.
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Whatever, baby.
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Whoo!
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See, this is what happens
when we drink.
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We sign up for stupid committees
or get Brick.
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Mom, dad,
I'd like you to listen
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to my top 100 slogans
for the Orsontennial.
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What's the first one?
That's my favorite.
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What's this for, anyway?
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It's a contest
sponsored by the city.
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The winner gets to ride
in the parade
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on an old-timey fire truck,
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and the best part is,
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your motto
becomes the town's motto
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for the next 100 years.
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Orson--
100 years of fun.
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Orson--
you don't look a day over 99.
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Orson--
all-new people every 100 years.
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I got it!
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Orson--
100 years of moderate progress.
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Dudes!
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- Dude!
- Dude!
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- Yeah! The boys are back!
- Yes!
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Whoo!
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All right, yeah. Take a seat.
Let's get started.
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All right, all right.
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Okay, guys, been giving this
a lot of thought.
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There's no telling when Orson's
gonna have another centennial,
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so how's Boss Co. gonna make
some cash off this thing?
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Hey, we could be those guys
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that put all the cones out
for traffic and stuff.
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Yeah, I think the city
does that.
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We could pick up the garbage.
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The city does that, too.
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Man, the city is screwing us.
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Dudes,
we're not manual-labor guys.
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This is Boss Co.
With college knowledge.
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- Yeah.
- Oh, wait a minute.
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I got it.
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What's the one thing
Orson doesn't have?
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- Hot chicks.
- A shoe factory.
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A VIP experience.
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It's too equal here.
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It's like everybody's as good
as everybody else.
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We could bring exclusivity
to Orson.
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- I like it.
- Mm-hmm.
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Get some chairs,
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reserve a block
along the parade route,
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a-a velvet rope.
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My uncle's got some police tape
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from where they dug out
that foot.
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Yeah.
Let's do it.
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Boss Co. 2.0!
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Whoo. Yeah.
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Now, I'd like to start
by announcing
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the official name
of the parade.
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It's "Ehlert Motors
Presents The Orsontennial,
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Sponsored By Ehlert Motors."
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Mr. Ehlert, would you like
to say a few words?
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This is a buying opportunity,
folks.
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Remember,
for the week of the centennial,
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Ehlert Motors is rolling back
prices to 1913--
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plus 25 grand.
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Wonderful.
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Now, we need to make our 100th
a big success,
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and I've got
an exciting surprise
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which should really kick things
up a notch.
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We got Ron Cougar Mellencamp!
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Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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Ron Cougar Mellencamp,
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Indiana's number-four
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John Cougar Mellencamp
impersonator,
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according to Yelp.
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Okay. Everyone knows
their assignments.
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Let's break up
into our subcommittees.
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Hey, Nancy.
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Great speech.
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Listen, we don't think
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we should be driving a float
in the parade.
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What? Why?
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Well, it's just that when we
signed up, we were--
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- Drunk.
- Yeah.
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We weren't quite operating
with all our faculties,
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or, obviously,
we wouldn't have volunteered.
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But you two have been assigned
the Orson cow float.
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It's a huge honor.
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Plus, you did ask for it.
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We did?
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You want something simple?
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No way, Lady Liberty.
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We want the biggest float
you got!
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Ow!
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Mmm.
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Oh, man.
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You guys get to drive the cow?
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That's only the best float
in the whole parade.
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Lucky ducks.
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And that's when we realized
100 years is a big deal,
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and we should be
doing our part.
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00:04:52,974 --> 00:04:54,587
Plus,
Nancy brought brownies--
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the kind that are melted
on the inside,
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but the crust stays
sort of hard.
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It's like they're done,
but they're not done.
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What can I say?
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The woman knows
what she's doing.
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Mom, I don't blame you for not
liking my previous mottos.
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They weren't personal, and they
lacked historical context.
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Hey!
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So, to that end,
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00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:13,810
I went to the library
and did a little research.
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00:05:13,964 --> 00:05:16,642
Now, did you know
that in the early 1800s--
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00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:17,880
Yeah, skip ahead, Brick.
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00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:18,950
Oh, okay.
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00:05:19,046 --> 00:05:21,103
Uh, well, then,
in the early 1900s,
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00:05:21,207 --> 00:05:24,056
a down-on-his-luck miner
named Merwin James Orson
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found an emerald while digging
on his property.
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Word spread quickly,
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00:05:27,781 --> 00:05:30,217
and people came from miles
around to find their fortune,
156
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but turns out there was none,
157
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,261
and it was a lawless community
for years.
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00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:36,252
Prostitution was rampant,
but eventually,
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00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:37,803
it became the town we know
and love today.
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00:05:37,928 --> 00:05:39,623
So, what do you think
about this?
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Orson--
the heartland's hidden gem.
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Wow, Brick.
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That's actually good.
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I know, right?
I think I nailed it.
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It's melodious.
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It's got alliteration
with the nod to history.
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Old-timey fire truck,
here I come.
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00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:54,648
Most importantly,
I think it'll put me
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in certain literary circles.
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Dinner!
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00:06:04,785 --> 00:06:05,945
Hey!
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Poor Sue.
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00:06:14,335 --> 00:06:16,122
For weeks, she'd been trying
to get over Darrin.
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00:06:16,254 --> 00:06:17,941
I mean,
he had a new girlfriend.
175
00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:20,901
So, she decided if this angel
person was right for him,
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00:06:21,071 --> 00:06:22,293
she would move on.
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00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:24,235
But she had to find out.
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00:06:24,339 --> 00:06:26,713
Hey.
You're... Sue, right?
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00:06:26,828 --> 00:06:28,003
You're a friend of Darrin's.
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00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:29,987
Yep. That's me.
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00:06:30,244 --> 00:06:31,783
Friend of Darrin's.
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00:06:31,989 --> 00:06:33,692
FOD.
183
00:06:33,795 --> 00:06:36,085
I'm so glad you're here.
184
00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:38,398
I've secretly been dying
to get my hands on your hair.
185
00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,900
Oh, cool. Thanks.
186
00:06:42,499 --> 00:06:44,431
Yeah, I'm just looking
for more of a style
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00:06:44,524 --> 00:06:45,942
for the Orsontennial.
188
00:06:46,045 --> 00:06:47,520
Yeah, you really need one.
189
00:06:48,632 --> 00:06:52,483
So, how long have you and Darrin
been seeing each other?
190
00:06:52,588 --> 00:06:53,751
Oh, just a couple months.
191
00:06:53,928 --> 00:06:55,070
That's cool.
192
00:06:55,587 --> 00:06:57,493
So, like,
what do you like about him?
193
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,910
Oh, you know, he's hot.
194
00:07:00,016 --> 00:07:01,411
Right.
195
00:07:01,673 --> 00:07:02,755
Anything else?
196
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,304
I like his arms.
197
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:05,868
Mm-hmm.
198
00:07:06,094 --> 00:07:09,257
That would sort of fall under
the "Hot" category.
199
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:10,472
So...
200
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,363
His neck.
He's got a sexy neck.
201
00:07:13,479 --> 00:07:14,727
And his stomach-- mm.
202
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,917
Okay. We don't have to go
through every body part.
203
00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:20,394
Is there anything else you like
about Darrin?
204
00:07:22,327 --> 00:07:23,672
Uh...
205
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:27,025
Oh, my God, Brad,
she is so wrong for him.
206
00:07:27,182 --> 00:07:28,293
I mean, obviously,
207
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:29,763
she's a really talented
hairdresser,
208
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:31,049
but that's not enough.
209
00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:33,165
Darrin deserves so much more.
210
00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:34,495
I know you're saying stuff,
211
00:07:34,624 --> 00:07:36,768
but I can't stop staring
at your hair.
212
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,878
It looks amahz.
I'm so jel.
213
00:07:38,977 --> 00:07:40,690
Oh, you wouldn't believe
the looks I got.
214
00:07:40,787 --> 00:07:42,031
I wish I could do this myself.
215
00:07:42,147 --> 00:07:43,347
Totally.
216
00:07:43,527 --> 00:07:45,397
She doesn't appreciate him,
Brad.
217
00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:48,204
He is so much more
than his arms.
218
00:07:48,391 --> 00:07:50,483
He is a musician and a poet,
219
00:07:50,608 --> 00:07:53,147
and he can parallel-park
like nobody's business.
220
00:07:53,521 --> 00:07:54,964
You know,
I wouldn't be surprised
221
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,159
if their whole relationship
is based on--
222
00:07:57,517 --> 00:08:00,164
excuse my language--
physical stuff.
223
00:08:00,265 --> 00:08:00,963
Mm.
224
00:08:01,058 --> 00:08:03,138
I mean,
is that all that men want?
225
00:08:03,368 --> 00:08:05,439
Is that really
what all men are like?
226
00:08:05,596 --> 00:08:07,107
Not the good ones, Sue.
227
00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:08,724
Not the good ones.
228
00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:11,355
Brad, I just don't
know what I'm gonna do.
229
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:12,324
Well, I do.
230
00:08:12,437 --> 00:08:14,031
You need to make him know
what he's missing, Sue.
231
00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:15,664
You need to make him jealous.
232
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,506
You're right, Brad.
233
00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:19,494
I'm gonna go for it.
234
00:08:20,161 --> 00:08:21,800
And you are just the man
to help me.
235
00:08:21,894 --> 00:08:22,988
Oh, I'm so in.
236
00:08:23,139 --> 00:08:25,280
And I know exactly what loafers
I'm gonna wear.
237
00:08:25,393 --> 00:08:27,073
- Can I Instagram this?
- Oh.
238
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,367
♪Stunning.
239
00:08:31,649 --> 00:08:35,500
So, we got over 70 entries
for the motto contest.
240
00:08:35,638 --> 00:08:37,127
No, I'm sorry, seven.
241
00:08:37,219 --> 00:08:38,797
We got over seven entries.
242
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:40,731
But when we saw this one,
243
00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:43,750
it's clear that a lot of thought
went into this.
244
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:47,660
The winner
of the motto contest is...
245
00:08:48,035 --> 00:08:50,471
"Orson-- why not?"
246
00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:51,533
What?!
247
00:08:51,654 --> 00:08:52,749
Ooh! Oh, that's me!
248
00:08:52,818 --> 00:08:54,340
Oh, that's me! Oh!
249
00:08:54,592 --> 00:08:55,762
Thank you!
250
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,007
Excuse me, Mr. Ehlert,
251
00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:04,748
there seems to be
some kind of mistake.
252
00:09:04,843 --> 00:09:06,635
I mean, "Orson-- why not?"
253
00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:08,459
What about "The heartland's
hidden gem"?
254
00:09:08,612 --> 00:09:09,582
We didn't get it.
255
00:09:09,753 --> 00:09:10,875
But I turned it in
the day--
256
00:09:10,964 --> 00:09:13,598
No, no, we received it.
We just didn't get it.
257
00:09:13,747 --> 00:09:14,802
"Why not?"
258
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,529
Now, that's snappy.
It's like, "Got milk?"
259
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:20,171
This is an outrage.
That is an inferior motto.
260
00:09:20,287 --> 00:09:22,423
And nobody said
we could use punctuation.
261
00:09:22,543 --> 00:09:23,251
Forget it, son.
262
00:09:23,349 --> 00:09:24,965
We're moving on
to the pie contest.
263
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,211
- But it's--
- It's done!
264
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,845
You lost.
Get over it.
265
00:09:28,032 --> 00:09:31,349
Now, I've got 35 pies to taste,
266
00:09:31,492 --> 00:09:34,844
so unless you're a pie,
get out of my face.
267
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,875
Remember, Orsonites,
stay with your floats.
268
00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:43,645
I'm not naming names,
but some boys have been seen
269
00:09:43,772 --> 00:09:47,214
running around with egg cartons
and silly string--
270
00:09:47,332 --> 00:09:48,654
the Glossners.
271
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,457
Now, sleep tight,
'cause Don's Oriental Food
272
00:09:51,565 --> 00:09:55,134
is providing free coffee
and crullers at 6:00 AM!
273
00:09:56,322 --> 00:09:57,765
You know,
I never thought I'd be excited
274
00:09:57,875 --> 00:09:59,094
about sleeping
out in the street,
275
00:09:59,191 --> 00:10:00,508
but this is kind of fun.
276
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,768
How do you figure?
277
00:10:02,191 --> 00:10:02,793
Oh, come on.
278
00:10:02,911 --> 00:10:04,506
It's good for us
to get out of our comfort zone
279
00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:05,741
once in a while.
280
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,031
And it's nice
to be giving back.
281
00:10:08,189 --> 00:10:11,050
I mean, think about how much
this town has done for us.
282
00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:13,143
Yeah. Well, after this,
we're even.
283
00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:17,143
It is weird, though.
284
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:18,328
What?
285
00:10:18,495 --> 00:10:19,740
Just how long we've been here.
286
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:21,784
That's a lot of years.
287
00:10:21,947 --> 00:10:23,412
And to think,
if it wasn't for that gas cap,
288
00:10:23,548 --> 00:10:25,838
we'd be living in Chicago
right now.
289
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:27,422
Sure, blame it on the gas cap.
290
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,816
It's true.
291
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:30,664
We were so close.
292
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,731
We were just outside
of Chicago.
293
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:35,140
Everything we owned was packed
in that u-haul,
294
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:37,308
and then we had to stop
at that gas station.
295
00:10:37,455 --> 00:10:39,535
Back then, you were
too good to pee in a ditch.
296
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,385
And then you noticed
that the gas cap was missing.
297
00:10:42,484 --> 00:10:45,006
We had to drive all the way back
to Orson to find it.
298
00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:47,340
Hey, you can't return a rental
truck without a gas cap.
299
00:10:47,418 --> 00:10:49,247
They'd have charged us a fortune
to replace it.
300
00:10:49,351 --> 00:10:51,158
And then you ran into that guy
at the lunch place,
301
00:10:51,268 --> 00:10:52,770
your old friend
from middle school.
302
00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,292
What's-his-name
with the mullet?
303
00:10:54,427 --> 00:10:55,888
Rockin' Phil Nissen.
304
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,729
Yeah, that's right.
305
00:10:57,870 --> 00:10:59,704
And then he told us about
that opening at the quarry,
306
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,538
and... 20 years later,
here we are.
307
00:11:02,691 --> 00:11:04,651
Here we are.
308
00:11:08,053 --> 00:11:09,606
Can I tell you something?
309
00:11:10,018 --> 00:11:11,570
If it's that you love me
even more now,
310
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,387
then, please, I'm listening.
311
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,838
I didn't forget the gas cap.
312
00:11:18,537 --> 00:11:19,543
What?
313
00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:21,578
I didn't forget the gas cap.
I made that up.
314
00:11:22,862 --> 00:11:23,823
What are you talking about?
315
00:11:23,988 --> 00:11:25,548
Are you serious?
You're not serious.
316
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,893
We were almost there...
and-- I don't know--
317
00:11:31,018 --> 00:11:32,618
it just didn't feel right.
318
00:11:33,138 --> 00:11:36,650
So you just made up a story
about a gas cap?
319
00:11:38,548 --> 00:11:40,123
Why didn't you talk to me
about it?
320
00:11:40,228 --> 00:11:41,450
I was scared, too.
321
00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:43,318
Why didn't you just tell me
how you felt?
322
00:11:43,422 --> 00:11:44,570
I don't know.
323
00:11:44,687 --> 00:11:46,176
I thought we'd have
a big fight.
324
00:11:46,284 --> 00:11:47,268
We were young.
325
00:11:47,355 --> 00:11:48,750
I wasn't so used to it then.
326
00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:51,792
Are you mad?
327
00:11:52,857 --> 00:11:54,577
Well, I'm always a little mad
but...
328
00:11:56,039 --> 00:11:57,384
...no.
329
00:11:57,475 --> 00:11:58,655
No.
330
00:11:58,977 --> 00:12:00,657
I'm glad we didn't
end up there.
331
00:12:00,744 --> 00:12:02,135
Chicago is so big.
332
00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:03,601
Who knows what would have
happened?
333
00:12:03,672 --> 00:12:05,257
Somebody would have ended up
on drugs.
334
00:12:05,619 --> 00:12:06,561
It might have been us.
335
00:12:12,073 --> 00:12:13,553
I'm glad we're here.
336
00:12:13,989 --> 00:12:15,296
It's a good town.
337
00:12:15,706 --> 00:12:16,847
It is.
338
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:22,808
Rise and shine!
339
00:12:22,896 --> 00:12:25,017
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!
340
00:12:25,214 --> 00:12:26,510
Happy 100th.
341
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,294
Here's your walkies.
342
00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:30,498
It's showtime!
343
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:32,807
Wait, why do we need
walkie-talkies?
344
00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:34,180
'Cause you have to communicate.
345
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,783
Frankie,
you're his eyes and ears.
346
00:12:36,918 --> 00:12:38,725
He can't see a thing
back there.
347
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,595
Now climb into your cow,
and let's do this.
348
00:12:46,451 --> 00:12:47,588
Oof.
349
00:12:48,182 --> 00:12:49,519
Okay.
350
00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:53,139
So, I just go through
this little hole to my area?
351
00:12:53,571 --> 00:12:55,913
No, that little hole
is your area.
352
00:12:56,891 --> 00:12:59,133
So, wait, seriously?
353
00:12:59,257 --> 00:13:00,515
This is it?
354
00:13:01,122 --> 00:13:02,240
Uh...
355
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:04,297
Oh, yeah.
356
00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:07,055
Wow.
This is gonna be horrible.
357
00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:09,962
I'd be more comfortable
in a real cow.
358
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,174
I still don't get why we need
walkie-talkies.
359
00:13:12,262 --> 00:13:13,463
I can yell at you from here.
360
00:13:13,536 --> 00:13:15,278
I've been yelling at you
for 20 years.
361
00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:19,307
Okay, I get it.
362
00:13:40,932 --> 00:13:42,319
Come on down
to Ehlert's Motors!
363
00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:43,796
We'll make you a deal!
364
00:13:43,911 --> 00:13:47,214
And remember, you don't have to
plug our cars in to your house.
365
00:13:47,317 --> 00:13:49,985
Our cars run on good,
old-fashioned American gas,
366
00:13:50,093 --> 00:13:52,073
not foreign electricity.
367
00:13:56,955 --> 00:13:58,573
I can't believe this.
Not a single customer?
368
00:13:58,666 --> 00:13:59,745
No one is biting.
369
00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:00,916
Maybe they don't get it.
370
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:02,628
I told you we should have
spelled out
371
00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:04,478
"Very Important People."
372
00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:06,882
Oh, hey.
373
00:14:06,974 --> 00:14:07,850
Excuse me, sir.
374
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:11,621
How would you like
the VIP experience?
375
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,813
Well, now,
why would I want that?
376
00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:15,465
Well, 'cause it's a way
to experience the parade
377
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,464
in unparalleled style
and comfort.
378
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:21,181
Oh, I wouldn't want folks
thinking I'm fancy.
379
00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:25,030
Can we get your e-mail address
for future events?
380
00:14:26,261 --> 00:14:27,272
Brick was trying his best
381
00:14:27,386 --> 00:14:30,089
to put the motto-contest
disappointment behind him,
382
00:14:30,241 --> 00:14:32,359
but that was proving to be
difficult.
383
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,743
VIP seating right over there.
384
00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:38,074
Eat tiny sandwiches.
385
00:14:38,223 --> 00:14:39,645
Be better than your neighbors.
386
00:14:39,801 --> 00:14:41,663
Seats going fast.
387
00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:50,040
Left. Left.
388
00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:51,007
That's too much left!
389
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:52,123
Right, right!
Right, right!
390
00:14:54,488 --> 00:14:56,187
No, no, no!
That's too far! Stop!
391
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:58,860
Oh, my God, that was close.
392
00:14:59,278 --> 00:15:01,146
Why aren't you listening to me?
393
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:03,789
I am listening.
I need more lead time.
394
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:06,097
It takes more than a few seconds
to steer this damn thing.
395
00:15:06,178 --> 00:15:07,373
What the hell are you doing
up there?
396
00:15:07,461 --> 00:15:08,413
Well, I'm sorry.
397
00:15:08,531 --> 00:15:10,227
This twirler keeps dropping
her baton.
398
00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:12,146
We could have flattened her
like a pancake.
399
00:15:12,252 --> 00:15:13,500
Just tell me what you see.
400
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:17,310
I see... Brad
with his arm around Sue.
401
00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:19,060
I always liked those two
together.
402
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,628
Uh...
I can't feel my legs.
403
00:15:21,811 --> 00:15:24,301
I'm gonna get thrombosis.
I saw it on "Dr. Oz."
404
00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:26,257
You know,
maybe if I get on my stomach.
405
00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:29,961
Aah! Oh, oh, oh.
Worse, worse.
406
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:31,302
So much worse.
407
00:15:35,878 --> 00:15:37,812
No. No, no, no!
What is this, Sean?!
408
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:38,485
What?
409
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,503
I thought we could
at least recoup
410
00:15:39,603 --> 00:15:40,844
a little of our investment.
411
00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:42,277
We paid to sit here, Axl.
412
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,968
See?
413
00:15:45,136 --> 00:15:47,747
You can't do that. You let the dorks in,
it becomes the dork area.
414
00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,744
There's Darrin.
Let's do it.
415
00:15:50,896 --> 00:15:53,013
Are you sure?
In front of everybody?
416
00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:55,574
Trust me. Nothing makes a man
more jealous.
417
00:15:59,176 --> 00:16:02,685
♪ Summer lovin',
had me a blast ♪
418
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:06,760
♪ summer lovin',
happened so fast ♪
419
00:16:06,916 --> 00:16:10,143
♪ met a girl crazy for me ♪
420
00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:14,096
♪ met a boy cute as can be ♪
421
00:16:14,331 --> 00:16:17,180
♪ summer days drifting away ♪
422
00:16:17,319 --> 00:16:19,690
♪ to, uh, oh,
those summer nights ♪
423
00:16:19,795 --> 00:16:21,024
♪ oh, well-uh, well-uh,
well-uh ♪
424
00:16:21,103 --> 00:16:22,384
Yeah, okay,
we got to get them out of here.
425
00:16:22,775 --> 00:16:27,087
And here comes an original
Orson fire truck from 1927.
426
00:16:27,211 --> 00:16:30,228
And riding atop, that's our
Orson motto contest winner,
427
00:16:30,345 --> 00:16:32,245
Kristen Rice.
428
00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:35,278
"Orson--
why not? Orson-- why not?"
429
00:16:35,389 --> 00:16:38,303
People, please.
Don't you see what's happening?
430
00:16:38,408 --> 00:16:40,430
This is the dumbing down
of America.
431
00:16:40,553 --> 00:16:43,434
We have to live with this motto
for the next 100 years.
432
00:16:43,558 --> 00:16:45,353
What will future generations
think?
433
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:47,354
Do we really want this motto?
434
00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:49,703
Is this the legacy we want
to leave our children?
435
00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:50,871
Free t-shirts!
436
00:16:50,986 --> 00:16:53,476
Oh, sure, grab them up
just 'cause they're free.
437
00:16:53,607 --> 00:16:56,180
Just 'cause it's on a t-shirt
doesn't make it right!
438
00:16:58,677 --> 00:17:01,349
Shoot, I'm a sucker
for a good font.
439
00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:03,668
Curse you, Sans Serif.
440
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:05,870
Sans Serif.
441
00:17:09,732 --> 00:17:11,723
Maybe we picked the wrong song.
442
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,652
The song was flawless, Brad.
443
00:17:13,943 --> 00:17:15,958
I just have to face facts.
444
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,934
Darrin's moved on.
445
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:19,941
Maybe I should, too.
446
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:23,616
It's just that I thought we were
so right for each other.
447
00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:24,508
I thought we could have
448
00:17:24,617 --> 00:17:26,973
the kind of relationship
my parents have.
449
00:17:27,051 --> 00:17:28,057
What do you mean you're trying?
450
00:17:28,146 --> 00:17:30,425
Just open your mouth and tell me
which way to turn.
451
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,005
A piece of grass
has fallen down,
452
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,431
and I can't see
where I'm going.
453
00:17:33,722 --> 00:17:34,624
Well, move it.
454
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:37,639
I'm trying,
but my back is cramping.
455
00:17:37,721 --> 00:17:39,795
What are you complaining about?
You're three feet tall.
456
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,130
Just scooch forward.
457
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:43,348
Oh, yeah, says the guy in
the back with all the legroom.
458
00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:46,239
Ohh, yeah!
It's a big party back here.
459
00:17:46,453 --> 00:17:48,631
Oh, you had to get us
out of our comfort zone.
460
00:17:48,762 --> 00:17:50,039
We're old, Frankie.
461
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:51,520
There is no comfort zone!
462
00:17:51,618 --> 00:17:53,363
Everything's uncomfortable.
Everything hurts.
463
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:55,122
Yeah, if you didn't wuss out
at the last minute,
464
00:17:55,219 --> 00:17:56,863
we would be in Chicago
right now.
465
00:17:57,026 --> 00:17:57,910
Save it.
466
00:17:58,039 --> 00:17:59,167
You were practically crying
last night
467
00:17:59,301 --> 00:18:00,420
how happy you are here.
468
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,521
Last night,
I wasn't stuffed inside a cow.
469
00:18:02,696 --> 00:18:04,769
I am never drinking
another Margarita again.
470
00:18:04,942 --> 00:18:05,817
You don't mean that.
471
00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:07,192
I know.
472
00:18:07,313 --> 00:18:09,138
This is Nancy Donahue's fault.
473
00:18:09,258 --> 00:18:11,798
She plies everybody
with booze and brownies,
474
00:18:11,914 --> 00:18:14,462
and then we all turn into
her little army of idiots.
475
00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:16,653
Why don't you stop
doing what she says?
476
00:18:16,786 --> 00:18:20,068
She acts like Queen Bee,
and you suck up to her.
477
00:18:20,197 --> 00:18:23,081
I mean, who gives a crap
what Nancy Donahue thinks?
478
00:18:23,196 --> 00:18:24,038
Me?
479
00:18:24,143 --> 00:18:26,345
What about you always trying
to act like a big shot
480
00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:28,058
around Bill Norwood.
481
00:18:28,187 --> 00:18:31,449
Yeah. Yeah, that's me.
I live to impress Bill Norwood.
482
00:18:31,576 --> 00:18:34,215
He's married to Paula.
He's got his own cross to bear.
483
00:18:34,324 --> 00:18:37,115
When this is over, I'm gonna
give Nancy a piece of my mind.
484
00:18:37,339 --> 00:18:39,657
- You won't.
- I know.
485
00:18:39,763 --> 00:18:41,636
Um... float operators?
486
00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:45,262
Please switch to channel 3
for all domestic disputes.
487
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:48,178
They're listening.
Oh, crap on a cracker.
488
00:18:48,273 --> 00:18:49,501
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
489
00:18:55,298 --> 00:18:56,544
What the heck?
490
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,289
Well, that was definitely
our fault.
491
00:19:01,578 --> 00:19:03,046
This is all your fault!
492
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,831
I thought you said
you knew electricity!
493
00:19:04,931 --> 00:19:06,104
I didn't study that yet!
494
00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:07,967
Cut that cord!
495
00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:09,628
- I got it! I got it!
- Grab it, grab it!
496
00:19:09,746 --> 00:19:11,055
- Oh.
- Aah!
497
00:19:23,152 --> 00:19:25,146
Great!
Now everybody hates us.
498
00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:26,264
The whole town is mad.
499
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:27,973
Look.
They're all yelling at us.
500
00:19:28,094 --> 00:19:30,067
Why is it so hot in here?
501
00:19:30,164 --> 00:19:32,193
- Fire!
- Fire! Out!
502
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,340
Oh, my God!
503
00:19:33,492 --> 00:19:34,467
We're on fire!
504
00:19:34,753 --> 00:19:35,465
What?
505
00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:37,516
Mike, the cow is on fire!
It's burning!
506
00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,549
We got to get out of here!
Let's go! Let's go!
507
00:19:39,642 --> 00:19:40,640
Frankie, get out!
508
00:19:42,052 --> 00:19:43,289
Come on.
509
00:19:46,158 --> 00:19:48,237
- Aah!
- Gee whiz! Look at that!
510
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,008
Sue, look out!
511
00:19:53,416 --> 00:19:54,407
Aah!
512
00:19:56,063 --> 00:19:57,152
You okay?
513
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:59,073
Yeah. Thanks.
514
00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:04,727
Oh, my God!
Sue, are you okay?
515
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,117
Did you see that, Brad?
516
00:20:06,282 --> 00:20:07,863
Darrin saved me.
517
00:20:08,130 --> 00:20:10,184
He saved me first.
518
00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:11,917
Do you know what this means?
519
00:20:12,351 --> 00:20:14,026
There's hope, Brad.
520
00:20:14,345 --> 00:20:16,098
There's hope.
521
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:23,704
Has anyone seen
Ron Cougar Mellencamp?
522
00:20:23,796 --> 00:20:27,802
Does anyone have eyes
on Ron Cougar Mellencamp?!
523
00:20:27,902 --> 00:20:31,141
So, the Orsontennial didn't go
exactly as planned.
524
00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:37,632
But when I really think
about it,
525
00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,530
I'm glad we never made it
to Chicago
526
00:20:39,743 --> 00:20:41,782
because there, when a cow
catches on fire,
527
00:20:41,916 --> 00:20:43,613
the whole city burns down.
528
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:45,089
But not here.
529
00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:53,977
That's what's great about
living in a town like this.
530
00:20:54,292 --> 00:20:56,678
It's like
Ron Cougar Mellencamp says.
531
00:20:57,238 --> 00:20:59,835
♪ I was born in a teeny place ♪
532
00:21:00,829 --> 00:21:03,706
♪ and I live in a teeny place ♪
533
00:21:04,668 --> 00:21:07,507
♪ probably die
in a teeny place ♪
534
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,275
♪ oh, those teeny-weeny
communities ♪
535
00:21:12,514 --> 00:21:15,268
♪ all my friends
are so teeny-weeny ♪
536
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:19,337
♪ my parents live
in the same teeny town ♪
537
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:23,725
♪ my job is so teeny-weeny ♪
538
00:21:24,069 --> 00:21:26,842
♪ provides little
oppor-teeny-ty ♪
539
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:28,175
Hey!
540
00:21:28,882 --> 00:21:30,597
You know,
I think we just might end up
541
00:21:30,703 --> 00:21:32,863
spending the rest of our lives
here in Orson.
542
00:21:33,435 --> 00:21:34,652
Why not?
543
00:21:39,134 --> 00:21:45,644
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com