1 00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:11,034 My father has always been there for me. 2 00:00:11,067 --> 00:00:12,767 His studio was at home, 3 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,301 so there were a lot of models walking around naked. 4 00:00:15,334 --> 00:00:17,901 - they were having sex. - How do you know? 5 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:21,101 - I saw them. - Why didn't you ever tell your mother what you saw? 6 00:00:21,134 --> 00:00:24,067 It's not my job to make her face reality! 7 00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:27,834 I'm the child! She's supposed to be smarter than me. 8 00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:29,734 Sophie, in all the weeks that wve been in therapy, 9 00:00:29,767 --> 00:00:32,201 you've never once allowed yourself to be angry at your father. 10 00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:34,934 I think that your father made you his accomplice 11 00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:37,334 and he drove this wedge between you and your mother. 12 00:00:37,368 --> 00:00:38,834 Why can't you let yourself be angry at him? 13 00:00:38,867 --> 00:00:41,101 Why should I be angry at him? 14 00:00:41,134 --> 00:00:43,368 She's the one who-- 15 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,101 - Who pisses me off! - Why? 16 00:00:45,134 --> 00:00:47,368 Because she's pathetic and annoying and-- 17 00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:49,667 And she's always around. 18 00:00:57,834 --> 00:01:01,400 - What'd I tell ya? - It's not 4:00. 19 00:01:01,433 --> 00:01:03,234 It's five minutes to. 20 00:01:03,268 --> 00:01:04,767 You said we'd be on time. 21 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,400 We're early. 22 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,767 My apologies. 23 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:13,201 You don't have to wait for me. 24 00:01:13,234 --> 00:01:15,500 Oh, that's all right. 25 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,867 I'll take a walk. I like this neighborhood. 26 00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:24,034 Okay. Whatever. But you don't have to. 27 00:01:30,201 --> 00:01:31,767 Your hair looks lovely like this. 28 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,268 Really. 29 00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:37,467 It looks lovely down too, but there's something really 30 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,533 great about it when it's up like this. 31 00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:55,001 - Mom-- - I was gonna say-- 32 00:01:55,034 --> 00:01:57,034 No, what-- what were you gonna say? 33 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,101 It was nothing. What were you gonna say? 34 00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:03,667 Well, I was just thinking that 35 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,533 after your session, if you weren't busy, 36 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,400 that maybe we could do something. 37 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:11,101 I know you don't like the shoes that I bought you, 38 00:02:11,134 --> 00:02:13,567 but maybe we could go get a different pair. 39 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,867 Or go get coffee. 40 00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,234 What's wrong? 41 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,167 I'm fine. 44 00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,400 Everything is going to shit. 45 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,867 I tried talking to my mom all week. 46 00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:26,934 I just tried again in the car 47 00:03:26,967 --> 00:03:29,001 and I can't say anything to her. 48 00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:32,867 I literally can't. 49 00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:35,867 I feel like there's this lump in my throat 50 00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:38,400 all the time now. 51 00:03:38,433 --> 00:03:40,867 What do you think you'd like to say to her? 52 00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:43,867 I don't even know. 53 00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:46,767 It's not just one thing. 54 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,600 I just want to talk to her like-- 55 00:03:58,268 --> 00:04:00,667 My dad's been calling 56 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,467 constantly every day this week, 57 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,234 like he's suddenly competing for 58 00:04:05,268 --> 00:04:08,268 most attentive father of the year award. 59 00:04:08,301 --> 00:04:09,934 I haven't called him back once. 60 00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,533 - Why not? - I don't know. 61 00:04:16,767 --> 00:04:18,700 Why do you think he's calling so often? 62 00:04:18,734 --> 00:04:20,700 Paul, stop. 63 00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,067 I don't know, okay? 64 00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:24,800 I can't. Just give me a fucking break. 65 00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:31,167 Yesterday on beam... 66 00:04:32,934 --> 00:04:35,067 My legs started to shake-- 67 00:04:36,934 --> 00:04:40,034 Like a spasm or something. 68 00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:43,567 I've seen it happen to some of the younger girls when they get scared. 69 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,500 I've never been scared on the beam. 70 00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:50,301 Cy was watching, so he'll probably pull me out of the meet. 71 00:04:50,334 --> 00:04:52,533 I probably won't even get to compete. 72 00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,634 I don't think that's gonna happen. 73 00:04:54,667 --> 00:04:57,301 What the hell do you know about it? 74 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:05,268 Even if I do compete, how the fuck am I supposed to ace a national tryout 75 00:05:05,301 --> 00:05:07,634 if I'm shaking like an epileptic? 76 00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,368 I'll fall apart on the beam and become a joke. 77 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,901 There's something seriously wrong with me. 78 00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:22,134 So we're going back to this then? 79 00:05:23,901 --> 00:05:27,301 That it's all your fault, that there's something seriously wrong with you? 80 00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:28,800 There is. 81 00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:30,967 I'm all fucked up. 82 00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:33,533 In what way is that? 83 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,901 gee, I don't know, Paul. 84 00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:37,667 I ran my bike into a car. 85 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,433 Then as soon as they wanted to take my cast off, 86 00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,934 my neck mysteriously wigged out. 87 00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,667 Then I took your pills. 88 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,001 And now I have some sort o a flesh-eating disease. 89 00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:49,800 I mean, look. 90 00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:56,834 Didn't your dermatologist say there wasn't anything to worry out? 91 00:05:56,867 --> 00:05:58,533 What in the hell does she know? 92 00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:03,533 She didn't say that it might be stress-related? 93 00:06:05,734 --> 00:06:07,567 You know that anxiety can manifest itself 94 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,800 in all kinds of physical ways. 95 00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:13,400 Some people can get cramps, 96 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:17,901 migraines, a rash. 97 00:06:17,934 --> 00:06:20,533 So I'm just a little worried? 98 00:06:20,567 --> 00:06:22,101 Okay, all better. 99 00:06:22,134 --> 00:06:24,600 Sophie, you're trying to do two big things at the moment. 100 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,634 You know, you're talking to your mother. 101 00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,034 You're not just berating her like you used to do. 102 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:32,001 You're-- you're actually trying to talk to her. 103 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:36,901 And you are avoiding your father. 104 00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:39,334 These are extremely difficult things to do 105 00:06:39,368 --> 00:06:42,934 because you've never done them before. 106 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,368 And... 107 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,600 They could lead to painful places. 108 00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:51,368 Like telling your mother your father's secrets 109 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,167 and telling your dad that you're angry with him. 110 00:06:55,201 --> 00:06:57,667 Don't you think that could be causing you a lot of anxiety? 111 00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:01,567 And that your body is sending up these kind of 112 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,533 flares in the form of a rash? 113 00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:08,101 I'm almost certain, Sophie, 114 00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:11,101 that there is nothing physically wrong with you. 115 00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:14,634 You don't know that. 116 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:19,134 I remember once years ago when I was starting my practice, 117 00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:22,867 I moved to the city and got a new apartment. 118 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,467 Everything was going really well. 119 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,834 Very happy, I thought. 120 00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:30,767 And then one day I was with a patient 121 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,234 and for no reason my heart started to pound. 122 00:07:33,268 --> 00:07:34,901 I couldn't breathe. 123 00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,500 I had this ringing in my ears 124 00:07:36,533 --> 00:07:39,001 when suddenly my tongue started to swell up. 125 00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,867 So this patient called the ambulance 126 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:43,101 and they-- they took me to the hospital. 127 00:07:43,134 --> 00:07:46,368 Took me to this room, did all these kinds of tests. 128 00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:51,234 You know what they found in the end? 129 00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:55,067 What? 130 00:07:55,101 --> 00:07:56,800 Nothing. 131 00:07:56,834 --> 00:08:00,400 I'd had what they call an anxiety attack. 132 00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:04,634 Guess I was more... 133 00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:07,167 Overwhelmed and stressed than I thought I was. 134 00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:09,967 I think that's bullshit. 135 00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:14,268 Does this look like a little anxiety rash to you? 136 00:08:14,301 --> 00:08:16,901 Well, doctor? 137 00:08:16,934 --> 00:08:18,533 Hello? 138 00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:20,101 Look at me, you shit! 139 00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:23,700 Am I that much of a freak that you can't even look at me? 140 00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:27,001 What's the matter, Paul? Am I embarrassing you? 141 00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:29,334 Crossing your boundaries? 142 00:08:29,368 --> 00:08:32,700 You want to disappear when somebody else wants something from you? 143 00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,700 Do I still seem normal to you? 144 00:08:43,201 --> 00:08:45,167 Mm-hmm. 145 00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,901 I shocked you. 146 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,901 You're shocked. 147 00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:02,700 My titties scared you. 148 00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:07,268 How can they? They're just these tiny little things. 149 00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,734 Does the size of your breasts 150 00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,767 upset you, Sophie? 151 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,167 Of coursnot. 152 00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:18,201 It's just what happens to gymnasts. 153 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,201 It's the diet. 154 00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:23,533 When girls stop training they explode. 155 00:09:25,034 --> 00:09:28,467 They gain weight, grow a great big rack and ass, 156 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,500 get full periods. 157 00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:32,800 They become normal. 158 00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:35,268 I know it's not normal to be like this, I get that. 159 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,634 I'd say that you had the body of a-- 160 00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,467 A fucking freak. 161 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,634 I have the body of a child. 162 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:50,567 But I'm not a child. Children don't want to kill themselves. 163 00:09:54,734 --> 00:09:56,400 That's true. 164 00:10:04,001 --> 00:10:07,767 Are you thinking about death again, Sophie? 165 00:10:12,034 --> 00:10:14,034 Do you know why? 166 00:10:14,067 --> 00:10:16,700 Because everythingis falling apart a 167 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:21,067 it's what I'm trying to tell you. 168 00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:24,134 It's like that dream I used to have 169 00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:25,934 where the pretty Meadow turns to ash 170 00:10:25,967 --> 00:10:27,834 right in front of my eyes. 171 00:10:27,867 --> 00:10:29,867 Except I'm awake 172 00:10:29,901 --> 00:10:31,600 and I can't make it stop. 173 00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:43,134 You know, I was remembering something that you told me. 174 00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:47,500 The time when you were in the ambulance. 175 00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:50,934 You remember? You wanted to put the mirror outside 176 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,001 so that you could see what was going on. 177 00:10:53,034 --> 00:10:55,867 You couldn't see anything except yourself. 178 00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:58,067 - Do you remember that? - So what? 179 00:10:58,101 --> 00:11:00,567 Well, I think sometimes when things go wrong 180 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,368 in your life, Sophie, you blame yourself. 181 00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:07,101 Whenever a situation seems difficult, 182 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,533 you assume that it's-- That it's your fault. 183 00:11:11,268 --> 00:11:13,934 You built this surrogate home with Cy and darlene 184 00:11:13,967 --> 00:11:15,667 and it fell apart for you. 185 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:17,667 And you blamed yourself, 186 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,767 not Cy. 187 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,334 And you decided to punish yourself 188 00:11:21,368 --> 00:11:24,368 by riding your bicycle into a car. 189 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,834 See, the thing is, if you see yourself always as the problem, 190 00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:30,500 you're going to create discord 191 00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:33,067 in-- in the most perfect places. 192 00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:35,867 Did it ever occur to you 193 00:11:35,901 --> 00:11:39,034 that Cy was the person responsible for what happened? 194 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,067 - It was my fault. - But why does it have to be your fault? 195 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:45,467 Because it is. That's the second time it's happened. 196 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,934 You mean it's the second time your home fell apart. 197 00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:50,268 But why would you think that that was your fault? 198 00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:54,567 - I don't know. It just was. - No, I need you to tell me. 199 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,901 - I don't know. - no, it's important for you-- 200 00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:58,867 - I don't know, Paul. - No, but-- 201 00:11:58,901 --> 00:12:00,901 Stop it! 202 00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:04,567 You want me to have some big breakthrough today, I can see that. 203 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:12,034 Why don't you just tell me what the answer is 204 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,567 and I'll repeat it back to you 205 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,934 and you can put a Gold Star on my forehead? 206 00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:18,533 What I'm trying to do is help you find your own answers. 207 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,567 And I think that you are 208 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,034 really close to that. 209 00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:26,567 And I understand how scary that must be. 210 00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:39,967 Have you ever read the bible? 211 00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:45,467 Isn't that like illegal for you to ask me that? 212 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,667 Not really. 213 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,901 It's really just a subject like any other. 214 00:12:51,934 --> 00:12:55,067 You n choose to talk about it or not. 215 00:12:56,533 --> 00:12:58,034 Anyway, in the new testament 216 00:12:58,067 --> 00:13:00,167 God is always portrayed as being good 217 00:13:00,201 --> 00:13:02,234 and wickedness and evil is a human thing, 218 00:13:02,268 --> 00:13:03,734 a human problem. 219 00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,433 Actually, it's one of the things 220 00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:07,700 that's helped christianity to spread very quickly. 221 00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:12,533 Can you-- Can you think why? 222 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,567 Because people like to feel shitty about themselves? 223 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,368 That's it. Exactly. 224 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,234 We prefer to live in a world where God is good 225 00:13:23,268 --> 00:13:26,700 and man is bad rather than a world where God is bad. 226 00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:29,268 So an evil authority, an unfair government, 227 00:13:29,301 --> 00:13:32,201 neglectful parents-- That's a pretty scary concept. 228 00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:34,433 Makes your whole life seem 229 00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:36,334 kind of scary and meaningless. 230 00:13:36,368 --> 00:13:40,001 It is one of the reasons why children will blame themselves 231 00:13:40,034 --> 00:13:41,800 before their parents. 232 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,567 You told me once that you wanted to move across the country 233 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,934 to be with your dad and his new wife, but that they-- 234 00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:55,800 They didn't have a room for you in her house. 235 00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,600 You said that they argued about it 236 00:13:57,634 --> 00:13:59,901 and that eventually he left her, right? 237 00:13:59,934 --> 00:14:02,634 - Right. - How long did it take him 238 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,834 to-- to leave her? 239 00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:09,134 I don't know, over two years. 240 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,834 hmm. 241 00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:15,433 And during that whole time, your mother was depressed 242 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,567 and crying constantly, yeah? 243 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,301 And you wanted to move to your dad and be with him, 244 00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:21,834 but you couldn't. 245 00:14:21,867 --> 00:14:23,901 Two years is a long time for a child 246 00:14:23,934 --> 00:14:26,634 to be without a safe place to call home. 247 00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,934 I told you, he left her because of that. 248 00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:31,667 After two years, Sophie. 249 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,234 I don't understand. 250 00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,533 How could he just stop loving me? 251 00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:52,101 What did I do? 252 00:14:52,134 --> 00:14:54,667 You didn do anything. 253 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,500 Isn't there a law somewhere 254 00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:01,334 that says parents have to love their kids forever? 255 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,700 You're right, but you must've screwed up somewhere. 256 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:08,433 Otherwise, how could they treat you like this? 257 00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:12,201 A father can't just abandon his perfectly normal daughter, 258 00:15:12,234 --> 00:15:14,467 swap her for a new famy. 259 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:18,268 A mother can't just fall into a deep depression and ignore her. 260 00:15:19,268 --> 00:15:21,001 Must be your fault. 261 00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:31,500 Maybe if I had told my mother about the cheating 262 00:15:31,533 --> 00:15:33,667 then at least things would be better with her. 263 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,901 Sophie, that is not the sort of responsibility 264 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,634 a child should be asked to handle. 265 00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,334 Your father cheated on your mother, 266 00:15:39,368 --> 00:15:41,567 you didn't tell her, then he left. 267 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,867 You needed that order of events to somehow make sense 268 00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:46,667 so you blamed yourself 269 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,834 because nothing else made sense. 270 00:15:58,967 --> 00:16:00,567 Sophie... 271 00:16:03,234 --> 00:16:05,201 Listen to me. 272 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,667 You saw your dad cheating and you didn't tell your mom. 273 00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,467 Now do you honestly think 274 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,800 that that's a reason for you to be abandoned? 275 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,301 I found my diary from fourth grade. 276 00:16:36,368 --> 00:16:38,301 I us to edite in this thing constantly. 277 00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:41,433 Did you ever keep a diary? 278 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,034 no. 279 00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,301 I took it out because I wanted to see 280 00:16:48,334 --> 00:16:50,268 if you were right 281 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,901 about how hard it was for me to lie to my mother. 282 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,433 Do you want me to read you what I found? 283 00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:01,700 I'd be honored. 284 00:17:20,101 --> 00:17:22,101 "dear hermione"-- I pretended that I was 285 00:17:22,134 --> 00:17:24,167 writing to hermione granger. 286 00:17:24,201 --> 00:17:27,034 - Who's that? - You know, from "Harry potter." 287 00:17:28,467 --> 00:17:30,134 Tell me you've read those. 288 00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,800 Are you insane? 289 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,533 I just haven't gotten around to it yet. 290 00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:39,167 - They've been out for 10 years. - I know I know I know. 291 00:17:39,201 --> 00:17:40,800 I'll bring you my set next week, okay? 292 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:42,767 No, that's not necessary, honestly. 293 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,067 My kids have them. 294 00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:46,700 - They've read them? - Uh-huh. 295 00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,867 And-- and they really love them. 296 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,600 Okay. 297 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,334 Maybe you're not such a fucked-up parent. 298 00:17:52,368 --> 00:17:54,901 Thank you. 299 00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,934 "dear hermione, 300 00:17:57,967 --> 00:17:59,834 it was a terrible day today. 301 00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:02,001 I am so sad. 302 00:18:02,034 --> 00:18:03,767 I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while. 303 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,634 I know you must be angry and Miss me. 304 00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:08,700 I Miss you too. 305 00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,433 I wanted to tell you everything, 306 00:18:10,467 --> 00:18:12,067 but I know I must hide things from you 307 00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:14,533 because she might read it. 308 00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:15,934 I'm afraid from now on 309 00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:18,067 you and I must sustain rselous." 310 00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,734 What is it? 311 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,734 I wrote "sustained" instead of "restrained." 312 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,901 Where did you keep this diary? 313 00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:34,234 On my night table. 314 00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:36,034 Not hidden away? 315 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,101 You know, it's a wonderful gift, 316 00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:45,301 this diary. 317 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,034 It's a real clue 318 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,600 to who you are. 319 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:51,101 There you are in fourth grade, 320 00:18:51,134 --> 00:18:53,368 you're already pulling away from your world. 321 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,867 You're establishing a relationship with somebody 322 00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,634 who cannot let you down-- 323 00:18:57,667 --> 00:18:59,567 Hermione. 324 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,001 You're confiding in her. 325 00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:07,001 But you're still hoping that your mother will notice. 326 00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:11,667 You think I wanted her to find the diary? 327 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,767 I think so. 328 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:18,967 And you wanted her to ask what you're hiding. 329 00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:28,934 You said there, um, 330 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,034 it was a terrible day. What did you mean by that? 331 00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:34,467 Oh. It was september 11th. 332 00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:39,967 wow. 333 00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:44,767 Go on. Please. 334 00:19:46,901 --> 00:19:49,800 Do I have to read it? It's so fucking naive. 335 00:19:49,834 --> 00:19:51,500 I'd like to hear it. 336 00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:00,700 "today, bad men from other countries 337 00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:02,667 hijacked airplanes and flew them 338 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,533 into important American buildings. 339 00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:07,201 There were people inside 340 00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:09,167 the planes and buildings. 341 00:20:10,467 --> 00:20:12,067 Good people. 342 00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:14,400 Dad says I'm going to inherit an evil world." 343 00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:22,234 I hate him so much. 344 00:20:22,268 --> 00:20:24,067 I hate him so much. 345 00:20:24,101 --> 00:20:26,734 What kind of a fucking idiot tells a fourth-grader 346 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,134 that she's going to inherit an evil world? 347 00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:30,967 If he really believed that, 348 00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:33,067 then why didn't he do something about it 349 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:36,268 instead of running off to l. A. To photograph bimbos? 350 00:20:39,034 --> 00:20:41,001 hmm. 351 00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:44,967 - So you're not picking up his calls? - No way. 352 00:20:46,268 --> 00:20:48,634 So he doesn't even know that you're angry at him? 353 00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:51,834 I don't want to talk about this now. 354 00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,600 Okay. 355 00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:57,500 But when you're ready, 'll welk about what you want to say to him. 356 00:20:59,201 --> 00:21:00,834 Okay? 357 00:21:03,234 --> 00:21:05,667 Okay. 358 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:12,301 So you really think the rash and spasms are coming from my head? 359 00:21:12,334 --> 00:21:15,600 Mm-hmm, but that doesn't mean they're not real. 360 00:21:15,634 --> 00:21:19,201 But I don't think that it's-- That it's a disease. 361 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,533 So what do I do about it? 362 00:21:24,567 --> 00:21:27,134 I think you need to start to forgive yourself. 363 00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:29,433 Forgive myself for what? 364 00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,767 For not telling your mother about your father's affair. 365 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,967 You know, what you have to understand is that 366 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,467 they were gonna break up anyway 367 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,001 no matter what you did. 368 00:21:38,034 --> 00:21:41,600 You are not responsible for your parents' actions. 369 00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:45,834 The only actions that we can control are our own. 370 00:21:47,201 --> 00:21:51,201 And the only power we have is how we treat other people 371 00:21:51,234 --> 00:21:53,400 and how we treat ourselves. 372 00:21:54,467 --> 00:21:58,734 So you want me to forgive myself? 373 00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:00,901 Mm-hmm. 374 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,201 how? 375 00:22:05,234 --> 00:22:06,967 Slowly. 376 00:22:08,433 --> 00:22:10,067 It's gonna take a while. 377 00:22:10,101 --> 00:22:12,467 It's taken you a few years to fall into this 378 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:15,167 and it's probably gonna take you a while 379 00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:17,268 to get out of it. 380 00:22:18,901 --> 00:22:21,067 But you have to start trying now. 381 00:22:23,867 --> 00:22:25,967 'cause you know something? 382 00:22:27,034 --> 00:22:29,067 You deserve to be happy. 383 00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:51,167 Que lástima. 384 00:22:51,201 --> 00:22:53,301 hmm? 385 00:22:53,334 --> 00:22:56,433 It's from a Spanish song. It means what a shame. 386 00:22:56,467 --> 00:22:58,800 Ah. Que-- que lástima. 387 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:05,700 "A ciertas luces pareces una estrella de cine." 388 00:23:06,767 --> 00:23:09,400 Wow -- my Spanish is dreadful. 389 00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:10,934 What does that mean? 390 00:23:10,967 --> 00:23:14,700 It means, "In a certain light, you look like a movie star." 391 00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:16,600 Oh. 392 00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,800 Well, gracias. 393 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:30,368 The competition is on Friday. Should I go? 394 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,034 I think so. 395 00:23:33,134 --> 00:23:35,467 I think that you really want to and... 396 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,433 I agree that you should go. 397 00:23:45,101 --> 00:23:47,134 - I have to go. - Okay. 398 00:23:48,467 --> 00:23:51,134 My mom's waiting for me in the car. 399 00:23:51,167 --> 00:23:52,800 She wants to take me shopping. 400 00:23:52,834 --> 00:23:54,767 Oh, shopping. Wow, that sounds rough. 401 00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:58,867 Listen, if you decide to compete 402 00:23:58,901 --> 00:24:00,867 and you start to feel anxious, 403 00:24:00,901 --> 00:24:02,334 I want you to call me, okay? 404 00:24:02,368 --> 00:24:04,967 You know, don't be shy. 405 00:24:05,001 --> 00:24:06,967 I'm never shy. 406 00:24:07,934 --> 00:24:10,400 Sometimes, I'm circumspect 407 00:24:10,433 --> 00:24:12,001 or wary, but not shy. 408 00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:13,700 I stand corrected. 409 00:24:13,734 --> 00:24:15,400 And listen, if you're up on the beam 410 00:24:15,433 --> 00:24:17,934 and your legs start to shake, 411 00:24:17,967 --> 00:24:20,600 try saying this to yourself: 412 00:24:20,634 --> 00:24:23,667 "im making this happen. It is coming from inside me 413 00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:25,600 and because I am making it happen, 414 00:24:25,634 --> 00:24:28,667 I can make it stop." 415 00:24:31,268 --> 00:24:32,800 Does that really work? 416 00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:35,134 Mmm, I think it can, yeah. 417 00:24:35,167 --> 00:24:37,734 I used it on myself a few years ago 418 00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:40,433 and it did work. 419 00:24:41,767 --> 00:24:43,700 - Okay, I'll try it. - Okay. 420 00:25:22,368 --> 00:25:24,567 Where to? 421 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,301 Wherever you'd like-- The mall, the movies... 422 00:25:28,467 --> 00:25:30,368 Let's go home. 423 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,533 Okay. 424 00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:42,368 We can stop for coffee somewhere if you wanted to. 425 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:49,301 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 426 00:25:49,334 --> 00:25:51,567 We don't have to. 427 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,234 No, we should. We should do that.