1
00:00:03,650 --> 00:00:05,580
Hey, sorry we're late with the snacks.
We left the house late,
2
00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:09,150
plus we had a little situation
at the grocery store.
3
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,660
Yeah, thanks
to that uppity cashier.
4
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:13,020
You should have
seen her face
5
00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:15,290
when I asked her to double-bag
our ice cream in plastic.
6
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,090
It was like I was
using a chain saw
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,630
to cut my way
through the Amazon.
8
00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,230
How dare she?
9
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,700
I'm the original recycler.
10
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:25,640
This shirt used to be
a curtain.
11
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,170
Oh, God, let's just keep
the curtains closed, huh?
12
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,880
Wait, you guys haven't
ordered a movie yet?
13
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,310
No. Dad's taking forever
to pick.
14
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,050
The alternative is
to let Mikayla pick,
15
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:38,780
and then we end up watching
"The Muppets"
16
00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,790
- for the 20th time this month.
- Yeah, and frankly,
17
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,850
I think Mikayla's too young
to be seeing Gonzo's nose.
18
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:46,290
Tom, please let me
cut your hair.
19
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:48,330
You look like you got
a mullet on backwards.
20
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:51,100
The only person I trust
to cut my hair is Carol,
21
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,330
and she said I lost
that privilege in the divorce.
22
00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:55,900
Your dad had a little bit of an incident
with a barber a few years ago.
23
00:00:55,900 --> 00:01:00,170
The guy wasn't paying attention
and he stabbed me in the eye!
24
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,370
He nicked him.
25
00:01:01,370 --> 00:01:03,340
He almost blinded me.
26
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:06,310
There's still three shades
of green I can't see.
27
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:09,850
I go from mint to hunter.
28
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:13,220
Emerald, Kelly and forest? Gone!
29
00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:17,290
You can use my barrette
if you want, grandpa.
30
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,820
Ah, thanks, sweetie. (sighs)
31
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,330
Mom, come on.
32
00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:24,160
Would you please just cut
the man's hair?
33
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,230
He looks like he's in some sort
of senior citizens boy band.
34
00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:31,270
He should have thought of
that before he left me.
35
00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:35,110
Besides, I'm too busy taking
care of the new man in my life.
36
00:01:35,110 --> 00:01:36,340
You.
37
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:42,050
How do I look?
38
00:01:42,050 --> 00:01:43,880
Like someone who's about
to watch "The Muppets".
39
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,080
(all) No!
(beeping from television)
40
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,390
No, it's fine with me.
That little gray frog is a hoot.
41
00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:09,970
The Millers S01E04
"The Mother Is In"
42
00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:12,390
Sync and corrected by Gianluca Belfiglio
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:16,080
(Nathan) But what
the birthday boy doesn't realize
44
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,850
is that the costumed bear is
actually his decorated father
45
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:22,920
returning home from
a second tour in Afghanistan.
46
00:02:24,860 --> 00:02:26,190
Dad!
47
00:02:26,190 --> 00:02:28,530
Son! (laughs)
48
00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:30,860
(yawns) So heartwarming.
49
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,700
(Ray) Look at you, Nate.
50
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,530
This is not the first
time this has happened.
51
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:37,200
If you keep yawning, we're gonna
get stuck doing traffic,
52
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,970
and you know how I feel
about helicopters!
53
00:02:39,970 --> 00:02:42,240
They defy the laws of nature.
54
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,670
No wings!
55
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,110
Name one thing in
nature that flies around
56
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,710
with a giant propeller
on its head
57
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:48,610
and a smaller one sticking
out of its ass!
58
00:02:50,980 --> 00:02:53,900
I don't know what's
wrong with me. I'm not tired.
59
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:57,120
My mom takes her bra off at 7:30
every night to watch "Jeopardy",
60
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,860
so I try to make sure
I'm in bed by 7:29.
61
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,060
Well, according to
the internet,
62
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:04,590
if you're not tired,
yawning can be a sign
63
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,000
of stress or anxiety.
64
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,700
Okay, so maybe I'm stressed.
Life can be stressful.
65
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,030
What am I gonna do about it?
66
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:11,870
Well, lucky you know me.
I got a guy.
67
00:03:11,870 --> 00:03:13,170
Yeah, last time you had a guy,
68
00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:15,270
I ended up getting my teeth
whitened in a van.
69
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:16,840
And?
70
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,180
And viewers wrote in
about my dazzling smile.
71
00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:21,280
(laughs) You're damn right they did.
72
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,850
So trust me when I tell you,
I got another guy.
73
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:24,850
He's a therapist.
74
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:26,080
No, no, no, no, no. No.
75
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,320
No, hear me out.
It's not what you think.
76
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,050
This guy's real cool.
77
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:32,020
No couches,
no tweed jackets.
78
00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:33,990
And he already likes you.
79
00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:35,730
That argument
that you and I had
80
00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:39,160
about sharing chapstick...
He totally took your side.
81
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,000
(chuckles)
82
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,060
Look, I don't know, man,
83
00:03:41,070 --> 00:03:42,600
I've always felt
secretly superior
84
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,000
about the fact that I've
never been to therapy.
85
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,070
If I lose that, all
I've got is the fact
86
00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:50,210
that I have a nearly
imperceptible sneeze.
87
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:52,610
God bless you.
88
00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:54,240
Thank you.
89
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,710
Miller, you interested
in anchoring
90
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,620
the 4:00 news
this Saturday?
91
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,780
Phillips has
the stomach flu.
92
00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:02,250
He's blowing it
out both ends
93
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:05,260
like some kind of
Chinese firecracker.
94
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,820
Well, yeah, are
you kidding?
95
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,230
I'd love to
anchor the news.
96
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:11,360
I mean, any chance to
get behind that desk
97
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,130
(yawning) would be very,
very exciting.
98
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:15,170
Really?
99
00:04:15,170 --> 00:04:16,900
Because you look
about as excited
100
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,870
as my wife watching
me undress.
101
00:04:19,870 --> 00:04:22,270
And believe me, the
feeling is mutual.
102
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,110
Oh, sorry, the yawn.
Yeah, n... no, I just...
103
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,640
I didn't get a lot
of sleep last night.
104
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,110
Well, make sure you get
to bed early on Friday.
105
00:04:28,110 --> 00:04:30,150
Nobody wants to see
their anchor yawn.
106
00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:32,220
The last thing we need
are people realizing
107
00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,280
that the news is boring.
108
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:39,060
Hey, why didn't you tell
me that he was coming?
109
00:04:39,060 --> 00:04:42,190
I didn't hear
his tiny footsteps.
110
00:04:42,190 --> 00:04:45,130
He's so little, he must have
came from under the table.
111
00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:51,970
So, I... I think that's everything
that's been going on
112
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:54,170
with... with my work
and my family, and... and
113
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,840
I just... I just can't figure
out why I'm yawning so much.
114
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,180
(strums chord)
115
00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,710
Thanks for sharing, bro.
116
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:06,780
Life is a salad bar, and you
got a lot on your plate, man.
117
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:09,190
What do you feel
is stressing you out the most?
118
00:05:09,190 --> 00:05:10,650
I don't know, it's... it's kind of
hard to pinp...
119
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:12,260
Oh. Shh.
120
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,190
Don't rush to words.
121
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,130
Use your music.
122
00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:18,260
Tell me with the tambo.
123
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,970
Yeah.
124
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:23,170
Get a beat.
125
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:28,200
When you're making music,
you're making progress.
126
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:31,040
You got a beat,
now add the lyrics.
127
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:35,050
♪ Since I'm paying you,
maybe you can just... ♪
128
00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:36,750
Tell me what's wrong.
129
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,250
It's your mom, bro.
130
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:42,250
Whoa... Come on, really? D... Doesn't
that seem like the easy answer?
131
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,260
Dude, you told me yourself, she
lives with you in your house,
132
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:46,860
all up in your biz.
133
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:48,160
Well, I'm pretty sure
I said "business,"
134
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,690
but doesn't everybody
come in here
135
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:52,100
and just "tambo sing"
about their mom?
136
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,830
I don't want to be that guy.
137
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:56,370
Would it make you feel better
if we called her your roommate?
138
00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:01,910
How is it living
with your roommate?
139
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:03,040
It's awful.
140
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,440
(treadmill beeps)
141
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,040
You know you can take
your own turn, right?
142
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:15,120
And if you could, uh, direct me
to a coffee place nearby,
143
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,120
that'd be great.
144
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,060
- (woman on the phone) Sure, no problem.
- Mom, would you please put the map away?
145
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:20,290
I will not.
146
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,030
It makes no sense
to pay all this money
147
00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,260
to get advice from some stranger
148
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:25,430
who could easily send us
careening off a bridge
149
00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:28,230
because she's too busy
changing her baby's diaper.
150
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:32,270
Hey, Mr. Miller, I can call you
back if now is not a good time.
151
00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:35,910
Oh, that's okay, thanks,
it'll never be a good time.
152
00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:39,240
(screams)
153
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,240
Tea tree oil shampoo.
154
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,280
Keeps your hair
from going thin.
155
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,320
I'm in the shower.
156
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,420
So what? You're wearing
your bathing suit.
157
00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:50,390
Because of the last time!
158
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,290
Has your mom always
been this smothering?
159
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:59,300
Well, uh, she's in my driver's
license photo with me, so...
160
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,440
Yeah, I guess it's a pattern.
161
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,340
All right, well, have you ever
suggested that she move out?
162
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:12,340
No, I... I couldn't do that.
163
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:15,410
I mean, she's... she's... she's
seen enough change already.
164
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:17,380
I mean, I mean, it can't be easy
165
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:20,220
being single again
after 43 years.
166
00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:21,850
When I think about it,
167
00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,350
it's actually amazing
how brave she's been.
168
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,490
That's a really nice thing
to say, bro.
169
00:07:25,490 --> 00:07:27,520
Have you ever thought
of cutting your mom off
170
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,360
a healthy slice
of that truth pie?
171
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,090
Well, it's kind of hard
giving her compliments
172
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,360
when she's so busy
criticizing me.
173
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,300
I haven't even told her
about the anchor gig,
174
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,230
'cause I don't want
to spend two hours
175
00:07:36,230 --> 00:07:38,170
hearing how I pronounce
my t's a li'l weak...
176
00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,470
Liddle... little.
177
00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:44,940
Look, dude, I think that maybe
she's concerned about you
178
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:47,410
because she thinks she's made
such a mess out of her own life,
179
00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:50,250
and maybe if you made her
feel better about herself,
180
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,280
then she'll back off on you.
181
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,120
I guess... I guess
if we're gonna stop arguing,
182
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,590
somebody needs to make
the first move.
183
00:07:56,590 --> 00:07:58,350
I... I could be nicer.
184
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,590
A whole lot of nice
never stressed anyone out.
185
00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:02,290
Well, I am finally getting
a chance
186
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,890
to anchor the news
this Saturday,
187
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,600
and I can't yawn
my way through that.
188
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,600
I mean, I've already got
one strike against me.
189
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,930
I, uh, I threw my 40th
birthday party at Six Flags,
190
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:14,500
and my boss couldn't ride
any of the rides.
191
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:21,140
Nathan, don't
get mad at me,
192
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:24,110
but I had to rinse my
underwear out in the bathroom.
193
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,420
So don't get your panties
in a wad
194
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,490
when you find
my panties in a wad.
195
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,560
You know what?
196
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,190
We're all human.
197
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,360
As roommates, it's good that we can all
be comfortable around each other.
198
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:43,500
Good, okay.
199
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,540
Happy to hear it.
200
00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:52,480
(sighs)
201
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,950
What?
202
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:04,520
Mom, I want you to know
I know you are going
203
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,890
through a lot right now,
204
00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:11,390
and I think that you
are an amazing woman,
205
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,130
and I think that you're
very, very brave.
206
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:17,600
Nathan, that is so sweet.
207
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,440
Why are you telling me this?
208
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,570
Well, just... just because.
209
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,340
Because what?
210
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:28,010
I don't know, because...
211
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:30,080
because I love you.
212
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,600
I don't understand
what the big deal is.
213
00:09:53,610 --> 00:09:55,100
Nathan's always
nice to you.
214
00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:57,110
Oh, sure, he'll hold
the door for me
215
00:09:57,110 --> 00:10:00,710
or help me get my pantyhose
off after a long hike, but...
216
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:10,090
but this was different.
217
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:12,220
He held my hands,
looked me in the eye,
218
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:15,530
And told me I was brave.
219
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:16,590
Who does that?
220
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:20,600
Well, I don't know. I mean, I told dad he
was brave earlier when he agreed
221
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,170
to let Adam get near him
with the scissors.
222
00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:24,500
Actually we're not
quite there yet.
223
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:26,670
We're still on
finger scissors.
224
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:30,370
If he does well, we'll
move up to chopsticks.
225
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,580
Something's going on
with your brother,
226
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:35,750
and if you know what it is,
a mother has a right to know.
227
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,210
Is he on drugs?
Is he sick?
228
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,150
Am I sick?
229
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,480
With what?
No virus would want
230
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:42,720
to live in such a
hostile environment.
231
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,220
(cackles) Am I right, Adam?
232
00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:46,220
(gasps) Ow!
233
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:47,160
You poked me!
234
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,320
You turned, man.
235
00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:50,130
I made a joke at my
ex-wife's expense.
236
00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:52,030
You're the only other
guy in the room.
237
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:53,400
You got to
anticipate the turn!
238
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,500
We're done here!
239
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,630
Mikayla, get the big box
of crayons!
240
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,300
I got to see what colors
I lost this time!
241
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,710
Seriously, you need to tell me
what going on with your brother.
242
00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:08,540
Yeah, I told you, mom,
I don't know, okay?
243
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:09,650
Why don't you just hide in his trunk
244
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:13,720
and see where he's going, like
you did with me in high school?
245
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,620
That was a long time ago.
246
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,190
Things have changed
since then.
247
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,930
(beep)
248
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,070
Welcome to
on Demand Assistance.
249
00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,500
How can I help you, Mr. Miller?
250
00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:36,110
I need to speak to
someone who's a mother.
251
00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:38,070
Natalie has children.
252
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,980
Natalie, please.
253
00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:42,350
Welcome to
on Demand Assist...
254
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:44,980
My name's Carol, and my
son's been acting strange.
255
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,120
I'm worried sick.
256
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,120
I'm asking you,
mother to mother,
257
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,090
to tell me where
he's driven lately
258
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,290
besides work and home.
259
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:54,120
I'm sorry, ma'am.
260
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,060
That's against regulations.
261
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:56,160
(phone beeps)
262
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,990
Carol, are you still there?
263
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,330
I had to stop recording.
264
00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:01,130
Yeah, I'm still here.
265
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,200
Good, let's do
some mothering.
266
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:09,140
How about 6342 Park Road?
267
00:12:09,140 --> 00:12:11,010
It looks like
an office complex.
268
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:12,980
That could be anything.
269
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,040
I've got an idea.
270
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:16,650
Thank you for calling
Brayton Credit.
271
00:12:16,650 --> 00:12:18,550
My name is Trisha,
how may I help you?
272
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,350
Do you have children, Trisha?
273
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,020
Seven.
274
00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:23,990
Then you can help us.
275
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,590
We need to know any charges
276
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,990
made by Nathan Miller
at a billing address
277
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:30,160
of 6342 Park Road.
278
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,460
Nathan's my son,
and he's been acting strange.
279
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,230
Say no more.
280
00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:38,100
I just need his card number
and, for security purposes,
281
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,170
(chuckles) his mother's
maiden name.
282
00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:44,170
At least your son has a job.
283
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,910
My son invested
all his money in a pool cue
284
00:12:46,910 --> 00:12:49,010
with a laser at the end of it.
285
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:51,480
Now he spends all day on
the couch driving the cat crazy.
286
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,180
(phone ringing)
287
00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:54,520
Dr. Johnson's office.
288
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,420
Did she say
doctor's office?
289
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:58,050
Oh, my, this could be bad.
290
00:12:58,050 --> 00:12:59,050
- Shh.
- Uh, Excuse me.
291
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:04,030
Sorry, I need to see a doctor
about my... foot problem.
292
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:06,230
Would that be something
this type of doctor
293
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:07,630
could help me with?
294
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:09,130
Well, not unless
you want to talk
295
00:13:09,130 --> 00:13:11,170
about how your foot
is making you feel.
296
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:13,100
Dr. Johnson is
a therapist.
297
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,970
- (Carol) A therapist?
- (secretary) Thank you. (line beeps)
298
00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:17,640
Why would he need to see
a therapist?
299
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,280
He has a mother.
300
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,480
Well, it looks like
natalie's not the only one
301
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,150
with a son on the couch.
302
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:26,350
Huh? Am I right? (chuckles)
303
00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:30,250
I hope I have provided you with
excellent customer service.
304
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,860
Dr. Johnson, it's nice
to finally meet you.
305
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:36,430
It's wonderful
to meet you, too, Carol.
306
00:13:36,430 --> 00:13:37,790
You, too, Tom.
307
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,060
She said if I came,
she'd cut my hair.
308
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,270
Our son Nathan
says you're great,
309
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:44,830
and I was hoping
310
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,470
Tom and I could work towards
a healthier divorce.
311
00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:49,040
- Mm.
- Not just for us,
312
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,910
but for our children.
313
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,440
And our children's children.
314
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,010
I just need an inch and a half
taken off the bangs.
315
00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:58,150
Therapy is like
a big body of water.
316
00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:00,380
You can dip your toe
in the little stuff,
317
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:02,490
but if you want
to make a real splash,
318
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:05,890
you got to cannonball
right into lake "Iwannatalka".
319
00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:07,790
I think our biggest
problem is
320
00:14:07,790 --> 00:14:11,430
that Nathan's coming to talk to
you because he's... depressed?
321
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:13,500
In debt?
322
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,930
Being bullied?
323
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,900
Is someone picking on
my little boy?
324
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,940
All right, how about
we just focus on you two?
325
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,910
Tom, what's in your heart
right now?
326
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:26,010
- I don't think Tom really...
- I guess it all started the day I was born.
327
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:29,010
Uh, I was raised
by a cruel woman,
328
00:14:29,010 --> 00:14:30,250
I married a cruel woman,
329
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,580
I get my dry cleaning done
by a cruel woman.
330
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,520
(whistles)
331
00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:37,920
Meet Herbie.
332
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,060
This little guy
isn't just adorable.
333
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:43,960
He's also a hero, after alerting
his family to a house fire.
334
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,300
Tragically, not everyone
made it out alive.
335
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,300
Their nine-year-old son...
336
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,370
(yawning)
337
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,200
lost his goldfish.
338
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:55,870
(Ray) Damn, Nate!
339
00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:57,110
I thought you fixed this!
340
00:14:57,110 --> 00:14:58,940
I... I saw your therapist.
I'm trying.
341
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,580
Do I need to pull up images
of helicopter crashes?
342
00:15:01,580 --> 00:15:03,250
I saw one
yesterday of a guy
343
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,110
who lost just his lips.
344
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,450
He's smiling, but I promise you,
he's not happy.
345
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:13,390
But to be honest,
there's a reason
346
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:17,430
she's the only person I trust
to have scissors near my eyes.
347
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,970
That's lovely, Tom.
348
00:15:21,970 --> 00:15:24,000
Carol, you ready to dive in?
349
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,470
Water's warm.
350
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:30,010
Tom, I had no idea
you felt that way.
351
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:32,080
And...
352
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,980
I do want to be
friends, but I just...
353
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,450
I just...
354
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,880
I'm sorry, doctor.
355
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,920
I have something
I want to share, but...
356
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,250
I don't feel comfortable
saying it in front of you.
357
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,120
All right, all right,
that's cool, guys. Take your time.
358
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,330
I'll just be right outside
working on my rock opera.
359
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,130
What are you doing?
360
00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:57,400
I thought you were about
to tell me something.
361
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,940
I'm telling you to shut up
and watch the door.
362
00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:03,010
Whatever Nathan's been telling him has
got to be in his notebook somewhere.
363
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:04,370
I thought
we were here for therapy.
364
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,010
(chuckles) Oh, please.
365
00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:07,510
Therapy is something
celebrities do
366
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:10,350
to fill their days between
colonics and adultery. Ah.
367
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:12,120
Here it is.
368
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,120
"Nathan Miller." Found him.
369
00:16:15,690 --> 00:16:17,550
Hey, man. Did we have
an appointment today?
370
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,920
No. I was hoping that maybe
you could squeeze me in.
371
00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:22,460
Oh, actually, uh...
372
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,090
I'm in the middle
of a couple's sesh right now.
373
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,530
There's something
about me.
374
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:28,200
More stuff about me.
375
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,400
Come on, Nate. Enough
small talk about mom.
376
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,940
Let's get to the problem.
377
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:35,200
Sure is a lot
about you in there.
378
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:36,670
I'm his mother.
He loves me.
379
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,040
Ah. Oh, here it is.
380
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,050
His roommate is driving him...
381
00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:44,010
Never mind.
382
00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:47,220
Crazy? Is his roommate
driving him crazy?
383
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,220
I used to have a roommate
that drove me crazy.
384
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:51,150
Let's just get
out of here.
385
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,190
Yeah, man, circle back in half
an hour, and we can fit you in.
386
00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:56,160
See...
387
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,230
Zip me into a beanbag! Quick!
388
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,170
What are you doing here?
389
00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:08,370
Oh! We're... We're...
We're going to therapy.
390
00:17:08,370 --> 00:17:09,440
Right, Tom?
391
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,040
No.
392
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,540
No, she tricked me
into coming here
393
00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:14,480
so she could read your
therapist's notes.
394
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,010
Which she did
when he left the room.
395
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,410
(triangle dings)
396
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,050
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
397
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,050
Feels good to get things
off your chest.
398
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:26,090
Carol, good luck.
399
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:28,690
I'm gonna buy some goggles
and go to the barber shop.
400
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,330
What is wrong with you?
401
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:34,500
Me? You're the one
complaining about me
402
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,400
to a stranger!
403
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,670
Apparently, I'm all
"up in your biz."
404
00:17:38,670 --> 00:17:42,170
I asked you repeatedly to
change that to "business"!
405
00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:45,610
What's so wrong about a mother
406
00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:47,380
taking an interest
in her son's life?
407
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:49,310
You have an opinion
about everything.
408
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:51,350
What I'm wearing,
how I hang my toilet paper,
409
00:17:51,350 --> 00:17:53,420
what kind of dreams
I should have.
410
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,180
I don't like you falling all the time!
It makes me nervous!
411
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:58,620
And excuse me if I like
being helpful to my son.
412
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,490
You never seemed
to mind the extra attention
413
00:18:00,490 --> 00:18:01,660
when you were younger.
414
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,130
Well, of course not.
415
00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:04,760
I was a kid
who needed help to survive!
416
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,360
But now I'm a grown man
who's supposed to be living
417
00:18:07,370 --> 00:18:09,200
on his own, but every
time I turn around,
418
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,430
there you are
with that harsh,
419
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,570
judging look.
420
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:16,270
Yeah, that's the one.
421
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:18,510
Most sons appreciate
having a mother in their lives.
422
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:20,140
They don't hate it!
423
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:21,310
I don't hate it.
424
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:24,350
I just... I just hate feeling like I always
have to put on a face for you.
425
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:27,150
Oh, baloney. You don't have
to put on a face for me.
426
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:29,790
I do, mom. I do. I do.
Otherwise, all you're gonna see is
427
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:33,360
a stressed out, 42-year-old
divorced dude with-with no kids
428
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,260
and a career that's nowhere near
where he dreamed it would be.
429
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:38,630
And I just... I don't want
to be that guy, because...
430
00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,730
because I know
that you worked so hard
431
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:43,270
to put me through school
and to give me opportunities,
432
00:18:43,270 --> 00:18:46,370
and sometimes I feel
like I'm just...
433
00:18:46,370 --> 00:18:48,440
like I'm letting you down.
434
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:54,480
(playing tune)
435
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,710
Put that damn thing away!
436
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:02,350
Nathan, never in a million years
would I have known
437
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,490
you felt this way.
438
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:07,390
Yeah, well,
it's... (sighs)
439
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:09,260
It's kind of
news to me, too.
440
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:12,630
It kills me to think you'd ever
feel ashamed around me.
441
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,570
Every day you give me a reason
to be proud of you.
442
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:19,640
You're a wonderful son.
443
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,470
Local celebrity
on the news every night...
444
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,540
Mom, stop it.
445
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,480
Unless you had more.
446
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,420
And handsome. So handsome.
447
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,520
Plus, you had the courage
448
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,320
to end a marriage
before it turned sour.
449
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,690
You say I'm brave?
450
00:19:39,690 --> 00:19:42,260
You're the one who's brave.
451
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,330
(chuckles)
452
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:46,860
I guess I get
it from you.
453
00:19:48,430 --> 00:19:50,470
(Johnson) Wow.
454
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,540
What a breakthrough.
455
00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:54,470
I guess someone's gonna be
yawning a lot less.
456
00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:57,470
So, Nathan,
I guess I'll see you
457
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,740
Wednesday for our weekly
therapeutic jam sesh?
458
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,580
I don't think so, doc.
459
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:03,350
You come near
my boy again,
460
00:20:03,350 --> 00:20:05,650
and I'll drown you
in lake "Iwannatalka".
461
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:18,590
So after spending five days
on a raft without food or water,
462
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,900
the captain and his crew
are now resting comfortably
463
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,800
at an area hospital.
464
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,470
Yeah.
465
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:27,600
Way to not eat each other, fellas.
466
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:30,470
Thanks for choosing us for
your Saturday afternoon news.
467
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,410
Stay tuned for an infomercial
about dehydrating fruit.
468
00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:35,880
He didn't yawn once.
469
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,180
Can't believe
your father is missing this.
470
00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:40,180
Where did you say
he was again?
471
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:41,350
Uh, I'm not sure.
472
00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:43,220
He said he wanted
to take Adam somewhere,
473
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:44,890
but he was being
pretty secretive about it.
474
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,420
Hmm.
475
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:48,490
All right, I think
we're making some real progress.
476
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:49,930
Let's take it again
from the top.
477
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:53,560
♪ Oh, I accidentally
poked you in your eye ♪
478
00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:55,300
♪ Oh, did you "accidentally"
479
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,530
♪ poke me in my eye?
480
00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:59,340
♪ Perhaps I really meant
to poke you ♪
481
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,970
♪ 'cause you always
eat my cereal ♪
482
00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,810
♪ and I get stuck with
the last Bagel which is Rye ♪
483
00:21:03,810 --> 00:21:08,000
♪ and I hate Rye.
- (Tom blowing whistle)
484
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:19,350
Sync and corrected by Gianluca Belfiglio
www.addic7ed.com