1
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,590
kids,back when we were younger,
2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,490
your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball.
3
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:08,790
Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment.
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,620
Hey.What's with the blackboard?
5
00:00:10,630 --> 00:00:11,950
It's our NCAA bracket.
6
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,890
Big board equals big luck!
7
00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:15,990
Hey, that looks familiar
8
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,560
Where did you get it?
9
00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:21,020
Hello.
10
00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:22,590
Uh,I'm looking for my wife,Ms.Aldrin.
11
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,850
There's no school today.It's Saturday.
12
00:00:24,860 --> 00:00:26,690
Of course.How could I forget?
13
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:30,360
Dumb ass.
14
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:39,620
Big board!
15
00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:40,950
Big luck!
16
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,890
We found it.No big deal.
17
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,050
Anyway,
18
00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:45,420
every year,Ted and I go in together
19
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,190
on this big money pool out in Staten Island.
20
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,450
Yeah.The winner gets
21
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,720
$100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
22
00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:53,520
And you get to keep the duffel bag.
23
00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,620
Why do you guys put yourselves through this?
24
00:00:55,630 --> 00:00:56,820
You lose every year.
25
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,020
That's because
26
00:00:58,030 --> 00:00:59,850
in the past,we were just guessing.
27
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,450
This year,we watched every game,
28
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:02,790
read box scores,tracked injuries.
29
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,150
This isn't March Madness.
30
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,590
This is March Meticulously Thought-outness.
31
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,900
Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
32
00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:14,490
I didn't know they were playing today.
33
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,150
You okay,Barney?
34
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,490
Something strange is going on.
35
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,420
I was down at the hardware store
36
00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:22,850
trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.
37
00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:24,690
Wait.You go to the hardware store
38
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:25,890
to pick up girls?
39
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,290
There are four kinds of women
40
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,150
who go to the hardware store by themselves.
41
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,490
Of course there are.
42
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:34,050
Single,recently single,recently divorced,
43
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,190
lesbian who will let me watch.
44
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,890
You could not be more evil.
45
00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:39,220
Sorry.Five.
46
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:41,230
Recently widowed.
47
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,920
So,I'm talking to this girl...
48
00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:46,620
Look,I'm sure he's in a better place.
49
00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:50,060
Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
50
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,690
I was only gone for a second when...
51
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,330
See?Skid-proof.
52
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:01,590
The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.
53
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,690
Pet store?
54
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:03,850
Single girl,mid-twenties,
55
00:02:03,860 --> 00:02:05,150
looking for a canine replacement
56
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,990
for the boyfriend who just dumped her.
57
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,190
Instead,finds Barney.
58
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,620
God bless you,Ted.
59
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,560
You're reading my blog.
60
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,690
I'm really bored at work.
61
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,290
I'd call your ex a dog,
62
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,090
but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here.
63
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,990
Oh,I want to take her home right now.
64
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,620
Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first.
65
00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:28,150
And when I got back...
66
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,390
I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her
67
00:02:30,390 --> 00:02:32,900
But diamond in the rough
68
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,390
Could your heart just melt?
69
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,050
Jerk!
70
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:39,250
Weird,right?
71
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:42,390
Yeah.The same thing happened last week at the museum.
72
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,050
Ooh,ooh,ooh!Lily.
73
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:46,020
You pretend to be a struggling young artist
74
00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,250
who needs a new muse.
75
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,550
No.
76
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,520
-Marshall. -You're a millionaire art thief
77
00:02:49,530 --> 00:02:50,720
casing the joint for a thrill
78
00:02:50,730 --> 00:02:52,250
money can no longer give you!
79
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,120
Oh.No.
80
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:54,150
Robin.
81
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,590
You're going blind,
82
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,390
and you're trying to soak up all the beauty
83
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,920
in the world before the darkness descends.
84
00:02:58,930 --> 00:03:00,590
Bingo!
85
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,420
So,I was talking to this girl.
86
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,850
At this point,about 83%.
87
00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:08,790
Soon,these audio guides will be all that I have left.
88
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,300
I'm so sorry.
89
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,490
My God,you are beautiful.
90
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,990
How about I get you a headset
91
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,590
so you can see with your ears like I do?
92
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,520
I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds,
93
00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:31,190
but when I came back...
94
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,620
Hmm.You know,I also love the smell of great art.
95
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,290
Why does this keep happening?
96
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,620
Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
97
00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:44,220
Oh,really?
98
00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:45,920
Then why am I not in prison for perjury?
99
00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:47,620
But I don't want to talk about work.
100
00:03:47,630 --> 00:03:51,520
Something weird is going on here.
101
00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:54,220
But the next night got even weirder.
102
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:56,650
Alan Alda.
103
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:57,990
It was Alan Alda.
104
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,360
You never gonna believe what just happened.
105
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,490
Who was that,um,guy from Mash?
106
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:05,750
The main guy.What...?
107
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,550
Hawkeye from Mash.
108
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,890
How can I be blanking on this?
109
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,090
Alan Alda?
110
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,060
No.
111
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,750
Hey,a word of advice?
112
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,150
That guy you were talking to,Barney Stinson--
113
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,720
I know he seems charming,
114
00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:22,550
but he's just saying whatever it takes
115
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,050
to get in your pants.
116
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,930
Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.
117
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:31,660
Oh,my God.Where is she?
118
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,550
She must have left.She...
119
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,720
Well,she-she said I hooked up with her?
120
00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:39,390
What was her name?What did she look like?
121
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,450
She didn't say her name,but she had blonde hair,boobs.
122
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:44,190
Kind of trashy.
123
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,090
Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
124
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,020
-Yes! -That's all of them.
125
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,090
Okay.Stay calm.
126
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,090
Let's think this through.
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00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,820
One of the girls
128
00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,790
who I lied to,seduced and abandoned
129
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,350
is trying to ruin my life.
130
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,150
Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is.
131
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,230
Oh,dear God!
134
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,550
Some woman that I slept with and screwed over
135
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,290
is trying to ruin my life.
136
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:33,020
God,why is this happening to me?
137
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:33,990
It's karma.
138
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,520
Nah,it's not Karma.
139
00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:37,550
She's stripping in Vegas.
140
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,290
Plus,we're good.
141
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,190
Look,if you want to figure out who it is,
142
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,620
why don't you just start by checking your list?
143
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:45,090
My list?
144
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,490
Dude,do not pretend you're not the kind of guy
145
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:50,190
who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.
146
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,450
I have one.
147
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:54,790
It's called my marriage license.
148
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,850
Come on,let's see the list.
149
00:05:56,860 --> 00:05:58,850
Ted,don't be crass.
150
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,290
I would never demean the women
151
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:04,620
that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list.
152
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:07,650
This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with.
153
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,790
I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th.
154
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,650
Ask for Heloise.Tell her I sent you.
155
00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,250
What do you think,Lil?
156
00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:16,320
You recognize the saboteur?
157
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:17,590
I don't know,Barney.
158
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,990
I only saw her face.
159
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,090
How many of these girls know they're being photographed?
160
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:25,120
All of them,but only about half buy a copy on the way out.
161
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,390
Oh,Barney,you're never gonna figure out
162
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,520
which one of these is the mystery woman.
163
00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:32,120
All of these women have a right to hate you.
164
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,690
Oh,Lily,come on,lighten up.
165
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:36,120
I mean,any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney
166
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,720
and do this or that,
167
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:39,990
or this and that,
168
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,590
or do this with those in that...
169
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,290
I mean,she should have known what she was getting into.
170
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,250
Absolutely.
171
00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,790
And what I do with these women
172
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,150
should be between me and them.
173
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,250
And you guys.
174
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:54,850
And Heloise.
175
00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:56,750
She helped me do the decoupage.
176
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,020
I don't know,Barney.
177
00:06:58,030 --> 00:07:00,020
I don't recognize any of these women.
178
00:07:00,030 --> 00:07:03,150
I mean,some minor celebrities,one government official,
179
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,820
and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.
180
00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,090
This is impossible.
181
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,320
There's too many girls.
182
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,790
How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?
183
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,990
The top 64 women I've slept with,
184
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,350
split into four regions.
185
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,320
This tournament
186
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:19,650
will systematically narrow down
187
00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:21,990
which girl has the most cause to hate my guts.
188
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,020
Last girl standing has to be the saboteur.
189
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:25,190
Absolutely not,Barney.
190
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,620
We are not going to make a game out of the women
191
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:30,000
you've tricked into sleeping with you.
192
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,020
No way!
193
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,290
The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live
194
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,090
has way more cause to ruin his life
195
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,690
than the girl he fake proposed to.
196
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,790
It's fake proposal girl.
197
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,020
I mean,she hired a wedding planner!
198
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:47,450
It's 12 hours to live!That girl flew them both to Paris!
199
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:49,250
Oh,she only bought him a one-way ticket!
200
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,720
Okay,okay,everybody!Hands.
201
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,150
12 hours to live!
202
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,400
Damn it!
203
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,320
Okay,toss up.
204
00:07:58,330 --> 00:07:59,790
"Thought I was Jorge Posada,"
205
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,850
or "You have my dead wife's kidney?"
206
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,820
-Kidney! -Jorge Posada!
207
00:08:03,830 --> 00:08:06,320
She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play!
208
00:08:06,330 --> 00:08:08,220
-That's true... -It's "Dead wife's kidney."
209
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,560
How are we even discussing this?
210
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,720
-Fake baby! -Lost at sea!
211
00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:15,190
-Fake baby! -Lost at sea!
212
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:15,990
I was there.
213
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,490
Trust me.
214
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,960
It's fake baby.
215
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,990
Down to the sweet 16.
216
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,720
And coming out of the Upper West Side,we have the number
217
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,920
three seed,"Girl who thought I owned Google,"
218
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:29,390
up against the number seven seed,
219
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,290
"Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."
220
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,020
You got to go scuba instructor.
221
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:33,890
You're kidding me!
222
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,190
She got the bends!
223
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,290
Yeah,she did.
224
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:41,620
Evil twin!
225
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:42,890
Prince of Norway!
226
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,950
How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
227
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,590
Barney,you're the tiebreaker.
228
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,220
I'm going with Evil Twin.
229
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:49,750
You're kidding me!
230
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,220
Sorry,but I did sleep with that girl twice.
231
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:55,330
As Barney and Larney.
232
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,390
Okay,we're down to the Final Four.
233
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,390
What do you think,people?
234
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,890
Come on,dig deep.
235
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,290
Oh!I can't decide.
236
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,220
It could be any one of them.
237
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:12,590
Is that the blackboard from my classroom?
238
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,450
Come on!Marshall?
239
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:17,390
I'm tired and sad.
240
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,820
Mosby?
241
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:20,920
I want to call my mom,
242
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:24,130
just tell her I love her.
243
00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,590
Okay.
244
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,720
Then this is as far as we get.
245
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,520
The Final Four.
246
00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:33,390
It's got to be Meg,Anna,
247
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,950
Kate or Holly.
248
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,890
We are gonna track these girls down,
249
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,220
and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar.
250
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:43,800
You guys stole my blackboard!
251
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,050
Okay,there's her building.
252
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:53,490
When she comes out,I'm gonna hide,
253
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,950
and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar,
254
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,990
-we run like hell. -No.
255
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,350
What do you mean,no?
256
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,890
That woman,like every woman in your Final Four,
257
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,950
deserves an apology,
258
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,950
and I'm not telling you if she's the one
259
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,890
until hear you say,"I'm sorry."
260
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:08,450
Are you nuts?That would involve me speaking to a woman
261
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:10,090
I've already had sex with,which,frankly,
262
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,890
is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car.
263
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,990
Barney,you're doing this.
264
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,190
Lily,this girl hates me.
265
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,120
I hooked up with her in an apartment
266
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,550
I was pretending was my own,
267
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,990
told her I loved her,and then ditched her there.
268
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,750
She got arrested for trespassing,
269
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,490
bit a cop,and spent eight days in jail.
270
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,820
Oh,crap,there she is!
271
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,820
If she sees me,she's gonna kill me!
272
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,550
Okay,here's what we're gonna do.Hey,Meg!
273
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:34,650
Over here!
274
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,890
Look who it is!
275
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,660
Yo old friend Barney!
276
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:42,790
Barney?
277
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,720
If she kills me,I want you to go into my apartment,
278
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,220
grab the metal briefcase under my bed
279
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,990
and throw it in the East River.
280
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,350
What are you doing here?
281
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,250
Look,Meg,we need to talk.
282
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,560
It was all my fault.
283
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:57,520
I know it was,baby.
284
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:59,520
I just came on too strong.
285
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,990
And I forgive you.
286
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,690
I love you.
287
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,090
Oh,my God!
288
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,830
I love you,too!
289
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:08,850
No!
290
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,290
What's the matter with you?
291
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,260
Get off of him!
292
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,450
Look,she's not the one,
293
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,260
but you still owe her an apol...
294
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:26,420
-So you remember who this one is,right? -Yes.
295
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,490
You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect.
296
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,890
Right,and if you recall,
297
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,450
her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line,so I...
298
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:34,220
Yeah,I know,Barney,you showed me.
299
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,700
And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present.
300
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,290
So go over there and apologize.
301
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,690
Ah,there she is.
302
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,990
Ooh and she's holding hot coffee.
303
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,450
Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
304
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,720
You're really enjoying this,aren't you?
305
00:11:47,730 --> 00:11:50,000
I'm making a scrapbook.
306
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,220
Anna,hi.
307
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:57,220
Look who it is,Mr.Big Shot Architect.
308
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,790
If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site,forget it.
309
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,120
What Web site?
310
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,860
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
311
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,390
You're right,I do deserve that.
312
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:10,060
That's all I came here to say.
313
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,320
You know what?
314
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,390
I don't care who knows about it.
315
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,750
Excuse me.Excuse me.
316
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,520
I,Ted Mosby,
317
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,060
am a jerk to women.
318
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,790
Tell your sisters.Tell your daughters
319
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920
to stay away!
320
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:32,290
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
321
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,590
And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits.
322
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,230
Thanks,Barney.
323
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,930
Okay,which one is this again?She's...
324
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,650
Larney!
325
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,290
Die!
326
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,950
Is it her?
327
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,250
-Die!-Smile.
328
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:53,550
You look good.
329
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,360
Have you lost weight?
330
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:02,890
We're down to the number one seed.
331
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,420
I knew it was Holly.
332
00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:06,050
It had to be Holly.
333
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,460
Man,I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
334
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,390
Barney,did you hear that?
335
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,360
Somebody's stealing my truck.
336
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,150
Barney?
337
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,550
Barney!
338
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,490
That is the worst thing you've ever done.
339
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,920
That's the worst thing anyone has ever done.
340
00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:39,090
But in my defense,
341
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,830
she was kind of annoying.
342
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,600
She's gonna kill you.
343
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,930
-Barney. -Holly.
344
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,560
Mark,come over here.
345
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,750
Barney,this is my fiance. Mark.
346
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,150
Barney?
347
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,100
You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
348
00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:06,620
So you're not mad at Barney?
349
00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,120
Don't you want an apology?
350
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:10,360
An admission of guilt?
351
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:12,420
Your truck back?
352
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,790
No,whatever happened was in the past.
353
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,890
Mark is my present and my future.
354
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:19,630
And if you ditching Holly in the woods
355
00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:22,120
made her stop running around with guys like you,
356
00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:23,930
then cheers.
357
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:25,850
Well then,
358
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,420
to the last Fourth of July weekend
359
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:29,820
I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
360
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:32,520
Fourth of July?
361
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:35,330
We started dating in June.
362
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,150
We ruined their lives.
363
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,720
And the worst part of it
364
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:45,420
is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
365
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:46,720
No,the worst part is that
366
00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:48,550
we still have no idea who my stalker is.
367
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,150
Well,that's because you're going about this all wrong.
368
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,390
I mean,why chase someone who's following you?
369
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,650
All you need to do
370
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,550
is go down to the bar,hit on someone,
371
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,300
and wait until she turns up.
372
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,750
That's not a bad idea.
373
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,520
I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
374
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:05,620
I don't know.That's a lot riding on a girl
375
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:06,950
who giggles when she lies.
376
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,350
I do not.
377
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,250
Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
378
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:12,230
No.
379
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,450
Look,I can do this,okay?
380
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:19,790
I mean,how else are you going to find out who this girl is.
381
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,020
I'm in.
382
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:23,020
Okay,here's how it's gonna work.
383
00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:24,090
Now,Lily,
384
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,150
she knows what you look like,
385
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,650
so just hang out at the jukebox,
386
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,500
and don't draw any attention to yourself.
387
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,690
And the guys will be in the booth,
388
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:40,460
just pretending to have a normal conversation.
389
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,390
Talking,we should be talking.Words.
390
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,450
Here are words.
391
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,320
Why is this so hard?
392
00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:47,950
Laughter!
393
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,650
And then I'll come in,
394
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,160
looking hot as all hell.
395
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,490
Wow,you are gorgeous.
396
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,250
Oh,God,I know that's awful.
397
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,800
-I just,uh.... -Shh,go away.
398
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,700
But come back later.
399
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,790
And then Barney will make his move.
400
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,950
Hey,there,how are you doing?
401
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,090
Fine,Barney.
402
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,390
I mean,um,
403
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,620
fine,stranger.
404
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,560
Wow,you really are awful at this,aren't you?
405
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,090
Get your hand
406
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,120
off my thigh,Barney.
407
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:24,220
It's supposed to look like
408
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:25,820
we're about to hook up,Robin.
409
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,920
You know I'm curious.
410
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:29,250
What do you say to these girls
411
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,520
to get them to come home with you?
412
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:32,690
Usually I just
413
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,530
lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear.
414
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,190
You're a little turned on right now,aren't you?
415
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,430
No.
416
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,320
Oh.Look,somebody's watching us.
417
00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:53,690
Make your move to the bathroom.
418
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,520
Uh,I'm going to go to the bathroom now,
419
00:16:55,530 --> 00:17:00,560
but,uh,when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex.
420
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,350
Dude,dude,dude,look.
421
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,120
Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now.We are go.
422
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:10,120
I don't know what to do with my hands.
423
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,830
What do I normally do with my hands?
424
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:16,300
Barney.
425
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:18,390
I brought a copy of the bracket.
426
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,030
Which one is she?
427
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,590
I don't recognize her.
428
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,820
She's not on the Top 64.
429
00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,650
Not even on bracket.
430
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,820
Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing.
431
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:31,920
That'll warm your heart.
432
00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:34,250
Are you okay?
433
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,760
I don't even recognize her.
434
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,490
I don't remember you.
435
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,890
I've spent the last two days trying to remember
436
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,520
every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things
437
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:48,720
that I have done to them.
438
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:50,890
And I have done some horrible things.
439
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:55,260
I mean,at one point,I'm pretty sure I sold a woman.
440
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:57,450
I didn't speak the language,
441
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,420
but I shook a guy's hand,
442
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:02,260
he gave me the keys to a Mercedes,and I left her there.
443
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,720
I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook
444
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,620
of all of the women I have slept with,
445
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:08,950
but I never thought I was the guy
446
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,150
who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her.
447
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,290
So from the bottom of my heart,
448
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,850
for whatever I did to you,
449
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,290
I apologize.
450
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,550
Oh,Barney!
451
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,890
Oh,I'm so proud of you.
452
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,190
That's not her.
453
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,920
-I'm so sorry.-What?What?
454
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,250
Barney,I'm sorry,that's my friend Sally from work.
455
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,790
We just ran into each other.
456
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,520
So I apologized for nothing?
457
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,520
Yes,but it was a great apology.
458
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,120
And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.
459
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:40,600
I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption."
460
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,430
Could you stop giving me the finger?
461
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,490
♪ That one shining moment
462
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,250
♪ You reached for the sky
463
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:55,290
♪ One shining moment you knew
464
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,450
♪ One shining moment
465
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,920
♪ You were willing to try
466
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,890
♪ One shining moment
467
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,650
Eventually, Barney did figure out
468
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,830
who the mysterious girl was. But we on that later
469
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:43,920
Barney,come back to bed.
473
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:46,220
You have a shuttle launch tomorrow.
474
00:19:46,230 --> 00:19:48,990
And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan,
475
00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:52,190
It's not gonna destroy itself.