﻿1
00:00:41,753 --> 00:00:42,953
D'oh!

2
00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:14,887
<font color="#00FF00">♪ The Simpsons 25x03 ♪</font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Four Regrettings and a Funeral</font>
Original Air Date on October 6, 2013

3
00:01:14,913 --> 00:01:19,913
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

4
00:01:24,656 --> 00:01:28,158
S-So lonely.

5
00:01:30,315 --> 00:01:33,710
No sex without a ring.

6
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:36,963
Damn it!

7
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:01,469
Mm.

8
00:02:01,503 --> 00:02:03,111
What the...?! Hey, whoa!

9
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,309
- What about us, man?
- Get your own couch.

10
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:33,977
Poor Chip. Such a big part
of everyone's life.

11
00:02:34,073 --> 00:02:36,846
People called him the
"sixth Simpson."

12
00:02:36,853 --> 00:02:38,235
I'm not sure why.

13
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:42,882
Chip did such a wonderful
job with my biography.

14
00:02:50,594 --> 00:02:55,031
Chip was the life of Sector
6-F at the nuclear plant,

15
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:59,574
but Chip once confessed to me
he did have a few regrets.

16
00:03:00,812 --> 00:03:05,670
Chip regretted never ascending Mount
Springfield from the <i>south</i> face.

17
00:03:05,691 --> 00:03:10,337
He regretted that the high school long
jump record he set was wind-aided.

18
00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:13,432
He often spoke of that asterisk.

19
00:03:13,498 --> 00:03:17,448
He never broke par on hole
17 at Springfield Mini Golf.

20
00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,948
Let us pray.

21
00:03:19,985 --> 00:03:21,859
Eh, everyone has regrets.

22
00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:22,878
Not me.

23
00:03:22,907 --> 00:03:27,522
You? Your marriage is a dead fish
floating in a tank of stale beer.

24
00:03:27,566 --> 00:03:30,208
Your baby's addicted
to pacifiers.

25
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,287
And your son is out of control.

26
00:03:36,064 --> 00:03:37,766
Let us kneel.

27
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:45,407
Ow! My knees!

28
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:47,926
40 years of healing, gone!

29
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,998
He's such a little dickens.

30
00:03:52,021 --> 00:03:54,278
Although Dickens was
pretty well behaved.

31
00:03:54,296 --> 00:03:58,523
He's been screwed up since the moment
Homer's DNA staggered into your womb.

32
00:03:58,543 --> 00:04:00,437
I have no regrets about that.

33
00:04:00,478 --> 00:04:02,712
It was a perfect pregnancy.

34
00:04:02,735 --> 00:04:06,392
Didn't smoke, didn't
drink, lost <i>three pounds.</i>

35
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,535
And every night before bed, Homer
would give me a little kiss...

36
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:10,743
music!

37
00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:15,129
Could Bart have been prenatally
screwed up by the KISS music?

38
00:04:15,468 --> 00:04:18,137
♪ Get up! Everybody's
gonna move their feet ♪

39
00:04:18,147 --> 00:04:21,126
♪ Get down! Everybody's
gonna leave their seats ♪

40
00:04:21,144 --> 00:04:24,851
♪ You got to lose your mind
in Detroit Rock City. ♪

41
00:04:26,554 --> 00:04:27,579
Huh?

42
00:04:27,606 --> 00:04:30,842
Man, this is the weirdest
pregnancy craving ever.

43
00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:33,180
Well, for some reason
it relaxes me.

44
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,281
Now, do that thing
Gene Simmons does.

45
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,771
Overstay my welcome
for 40 years?

46
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:45,003
<i>Regrets, eh? This local
newsman's had a few.</i>

47
00:04:45,016 --> 00:04:49,246
<i>Covering a town of backwater rubes
who, for some reason, hate my guts.</i>

48
00:04:49,808 --> 00:04:52,048
This is Kent Brockman...

49
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:54,667
live at the Springfield
Peach Parade.

50
00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:57,804
Sir, could you give us eight
seconds of your homespun wisdom?

51
00:04:57,829 --> 00:05:01,965
It's a little-known fact that you
can get head lice from peaches.

52
00:05:01,987 --> 00:05:03,988
Uh, this is my
daughter Peaches.

53
00:05:05,311 --> 00:05:09,270
We'll have more regrets at 11:00 tonight
following an all-new bottle of scotch.

54
00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:13,602
You <i>have regrets, Mr. "I Get to See
the Weathergirl From the Side"!</i>

55
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:16,477
<i>I made the worst financial
decision of all time.</i>

56
00:05:16,503 --> 00:05:18,504
<i>Oh, I can't think about it.</i>

57
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:21,927
<i>I won't think about it. I
don't want to think about it!</i>

58
00:05:22,307 --> 00:05:25,022
<i>Oh, I'm thinking about it!</i>

59
00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:27,874
Mm...

60
00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:30,819
Hmm.

61
00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:32,143
Huh?

62
00:05:32,183 --> 00:05:36,418
Oh... that's the coolest
bowling ball I've ever seen.

63
00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:39,930
Hello, Bear Stearns?

64
00:05:39,955 --> 00:05:43,964
I'd like to sell all my Apple stock
so I can buy a fancy bowling ball.

65
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,931
You heard me.
Technology is a fad.

66
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,734
Heavy, blue balls
are the future.

67
00:05:50,549 --> 00:05:55,458
Now let us text on our ubiquitous
Apple tablets and phones.

68
00:05:57,947 --> 00:06:01,520
Oh, you cost me a
piece of all that!

69
00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:04,411
Oh, don't cry.

70
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:08,094
If it makes you feel worse, <i>I'm</i> the
man who bought the stock you sold.

71
00:06:08,121 --> 00:06:11,696
I'll bet a rich man like you
has no regrets at all.

72
00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:13,100
Just one.

73
00:06:13,132 --> 00:06:14,933
The girl that got away.

74
00:06:15,029 --> 00:06:17,086
She broke my first heart.

75
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:21,098
So, is there truly anyone
among us without regrets?

76
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,055
I have no regrets.

77
00:06:23,072 --> 00:06:24,074
Really, Mother?

78
00:06:24,091 --> 00:06:26,759
Oh, I didn't see you there.

79
00:06:32,038 --> 00:06:35,229
I'm Father O'Greedy.
Dimes for the needy.

80
00:06:36,382 --> 00:06:39,445
Milhouse, are you the bottom
half of that mischief?

81
00:06:39,472 --> 00:06:42,974
Uh... uh... uh...

82
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,459
Oh, my.

83
00:06:44,732 --> 00:06:48,434
My pants, like the Lord,
work in mysterious ways.

84
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,087
Return those vestments.

85
00:06:50,099 --> 00:06:53,940
Speaking of return on investments,
my Apple stock is up 3,500%.

86
00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:56,476
Aw, you misheard
that on purpose!

87
00:07:00,542 --> 00:07:03,155
Tithe denied!
Tithe denied!

88
00:07:03,252 --> 00:07:07,723
Mm. Must find way...
to blame myself.

89
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:12,958
Um, it says I should
give you lumbar support.

90
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:17,217
- Better go to the lumber yard.
- "Lum-<i>bar."</i> It means "lower back."

91
00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:19,304
How many times will you
make that mistake?

92
00:07:19,732 --> 00:07:21,370
Just put on the KISS record.

93
00:07:21,411 --> 00:07:23,713
- Which one?
- Anything from <i>Love Gun.</i>

94
00:07:25,636 --> 00:07:27,986
Hey, book, are you
expecting <i>this?</i>

95
00:07:28,218 --> 00:07:29,868
And while I'm at it...

96
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:32,980
Burn, dumb, helpful books.

97
00:07:33,043 --> 00:07:35,199
That is a <i>good</i> fire.

98
00:07:39,183 --> 00:07:41,329
You're going down, Bart!

99
00:07:43,488 --> 00:07:45,976
- Ah, reckless youth.
- He'll be okay.

100
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:47,820
I was referring to <i>him.</i>

101
00:07:49,652 --> 00:07:51,809
I had a spring in my
step like that once.

102
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:54,231
Back when I met Lilah.

103
00:07:54,623 --> 00:07:58,775
<i>Lilah ran a little crepe stand
in the seventh arrondissement.</i>

104
00:08:00,552 --> 00:08:01,663
Oh, Monty,

105
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:06,037
looking at you, I could lie in
this unheated garret forever.

106
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,259
There's heat. I just
don't turn it on.

107
00:08:08,339 --> 00:08:11,324
Seeing you there, in the sweet
light of Paris between the wars,

108
00:08:11,342 --> 00:08:13,139
there's a question I must pose.

109
00:08:13,157 --> 00:08:14,947
I have something for you.

110
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:16,855
Oh! Not that.

111
00:08:24,555 --> 00:08:29,178
Wrong box. Lilah, will you take
that big step from cousin to wife?

112
00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:32,921
Oh, Monty, you must
promise me one thing.

113
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:35,106
Anything she wanted
I was willing to do.

114
00:08:35,141 --> 00:08:37,142
Anything, except...

115
00:08:37,544 --> 00:08:42,179
All I ask is that you set aside five
minutes a day to think of others.

116
00:08:42,209 --> 00:08:45,244
When you say "others,"
could they be bars of gold?

117
00:08:46,272 --> 00:08:50,080
I shall find another husband
as good as you are evil.

118
00:08:50,092 --> 00:08:51,276
No one's that good.

119
00:08:53,997 --> 00:08:56,891
All I have left is my drawing.

120
00:08:58,047 --> 00:09:00,211
Hm. It looked a lot better
in my memory.

121
00:09:00,237 --> 00:09:01,698
Uh, but you know what, Smithers?

122
00:09:01,716 --> 00:09:04,409
I will find Lilah
and win her back.

123
00:09:04,426 --> 00:09:06,576
I'll just check
with the old gang.

124
00:09:06,616 --> 00:09:07,916
Hemingway!

125
00:09:08,136 --> 00:09:09,424
Picasso.

126
00:09:09,863 --> 00:09:12,033
Matador Juan Belmonte.

127
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:14,550
And Stalin.

128
00:09:14,961 --> 00:09:17,204
That man could really
put pressure on you.

129
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:18,483
Hello, Kent.

130
00:09:18,512 --> 00:09:21,020
Well, well, well.
Rachel Maddow.

131
00:09:21,037 --> 00:09:22,923
Everyone came back
for Chip's funeral.

132
00:09:22,935 --> 00:09:26,889
I was flying from DC to New York and, of
course, I had the layover in Springfield.

133
00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:28,552
How's the gang at Channel 6?

134
00:09:28,577 --> 00:09:30,994
Look, let's get this out of the
way-- just because we both

135
00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:34,068
worked at Channel 6 and you made it big
and I didn't doesn't mean I'm bitter.

136
00:09:34,104 --> 00:09:36,234
Um, Is that your car?

137
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:37,878
Maybe.

138
00:09:37,901 --> 00:09:41,847
Kent, I'm gonna tell you the most
important mistake you ever made...

139
00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:43,419
after this break.

140
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,632
So, Kent, that
mistake you made,

141
00:09:45,656 --> 00:09:49,426
that fundamental, life-changing
error, that cosmic fail, that...

142
00:09:49,453 --> 00:09:51,888
- Just tell me already!
- After this break.

143
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,379
You could have come with me,

144
00:09:53,405 --> 00:09:58,038
but you were suckling the dual teats
of infotainment and celebrifawning.

145
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,335
So, tell us about
your new movie.

146
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,708
It's fantastic.

147
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:06,697
The studio let us play
in their sandbox.

148
00:10:06,754 --> 00:10:09,337
- Great. We have a clip.
- No! No, don't show it.

149
00:10:09,362 --> 00:10:11,795
There aren't five good
seconds in the whole film.

150
00:10:14,754 --> 00:10:17,559
I'm not a newsman anymore,
I'm a geologist.

151
00:10:17,627 --> 00:10:19,740
I keep discovering
a new rock bottom.

152
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:22,517
Kent, I think I found my
ticket out of this town.

153
00:10:22,547 --> 00:10:24,681
Or at least to a
<i>better</i> Springfield.

154
00:10:24,766 --> 00:10:27,316
You two newshounds
working on a story?

155
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,454
How about this?

156
00:10:28,476 --> 00:10:32,057
Mario's down the street
found a rat in their pasta.

157
00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:35,517
- When did that happen?
- Whenever you want. Eh?

158
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:37,858
Rachel, can I come?
We can share blazers.

159
00:10:37,886 --> 00:10:39,330
Just follow me.

160
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:43,982
At Mario's, the picture of Sinatra on
the wall is signed by Frank Junior.

161
00:10:44,007 --> 00:10:46,141
The frame hides the "Junior"!

162
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,656
Someone's been dumping
tires in the forest.

163
00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:54,500
Willikers! In my three years of soft news,
I've never seen anything like this.

164
00:10:54,527 --> 00:10:58,055
Those are tires from my
ill-fated Krusty Town Car.

165
00:10:58,072 --> 00:11:01,316
It would <i>explode</i> if people
gripped the wheel too tightly.

166
00:11:01,358 --> 00:11:02,664
What a scoop!

167
00:11:02,689 --> 00:11:04,439
You're not telling no one.

168
00:11:04,445 --> 00:11:09,813
As the 4:00 p.m. clown, I have complete
control of the Channel 6 news division.

169
00:11:11,152 --> 00:11:13,065
Local news is a joke.

170
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:14,793
I'm going to cable.

171
00:11:14,936 --> 00:11:16,261
Cable news!

172
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,952
Bah! People only want news
at 6:00 p.m.

173
00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:22,490
from white guys on weekdays
and black guys on weekends.

174
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,610
We'll see about that.
Yes, we shall see.

175
00:11:25,632 --> 00:11:27,933
About that, things will be seen.

176
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,616
By us.

177
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,532
Kent, you coming?

178
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,721
He ain't comin'.

179
00:11:33,744 --> 00:11:38,068
This little piggy's afraid to leave
his cushy anchorman slop trough.

180
00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:40,457
Could you, uh, phrase that
a little more nicely?

181
00:11:40,479 --> 00:11:43,214
Sorry. He "isn't" coming.

182
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,829
You'll regret this, Kent.

183
00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:47,227
When I have my own show
and you're stuck here

184
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:50,153
tracking Santa's flight
from the North Pole.

185
00:11:50,165 --> 00:11:52,166
"Oh, look, he's over Greenland!"

186
00:11:56,136 --> 00:11:59,083
Don't worry, piggy, you
made the right choice.

187
00:12:01,282 --> 00:12:04,591
Eh, it'll burn out
in an hour or so.

188
00:12:12,446 --> 00:12:14,691
Look, Burns, I've got the dope
on your sweetie.

189
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:18,446
She's still alive, and she just got
over being mad at you last week.

190
00:12:18,481 --> 00:12:19,781
Lilah's alive?

191
00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:23,272
Yeah, well, uh, she's
alive, <i>but</i> she's a nun.

192
00:12:23,306 --> 00:12:25,687
Married to Jesus, eh?
Does he beat her?

193
00:12:25,693 --> 00:12:28,332
Jesus? No, he's a real
Eagle Scout, that one.

194
00:12:28,351 --> 00:12:31,153
But your penguin's not a Catholic,
she's a Buddhist nun--

195
00:12:31,171 --> 00:12:34,543
spent her life expressing her
sexuality with a Zen garden.

196
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:36,540
Those raked rocks
could have been me.

197
00:12:36,562 --> 00:12:39,878
Now, since you're so good at
finding things, find the exit.

198
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,921
There is the little
matter of my fee.

199
00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:45,103
You're becoming very tiresome.

200
00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:46,512
Who moved my desk?!

201
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,542
Well, here I am.
Cable news alley.

202
00:13:03,068 --> 00:13:06,903
Fox News. Is this <i>really</i> how I want
to get back in the big leagues?

203
00:13:06,945 --> 00:13:08,776
Let's see how print
journalism is doing.

204
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:10,307
Sir, do you sell <i>The
New York Times?</i>

205
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,779
Sir, we <i>are The New York Times.</i>

206
00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,748
And in I go.

207
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:17,441
Why are you doing this, Bart?

208
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:21,871
50% attention-seeking, 50%
to drop things on people.

209
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:25,565
He's gonna visit my sky granny.

210
00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:30,565
To work at Fox News, all you have to
be able to do is operate this device.

211
00:13:30,591 --> 00:13:32,497
Now, when a Republican
is in trouble...

212
00:13:32,529 --> 00:13:38,018
At the time, I didn't know it was illegal
to sex up a cow on the Capitol steps.

213
00:13:38,046 --> 00:13:39,721
...we simply do this.

214
00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:46,273
Now you try.

215
00:13:50,566 --> 00:13:53,459
Sorry, but I just discovered
I have some scruples.

216
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:57,255
I'm going back to my sweet little
town where <i>I</i> can decide what news is.

217
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:58,924
Like a god.

218
00:14:00,275 --> 00:14:02,219
We've had some good times.

219
00:14:02,268 --> 00:14:05,071
♪ Memories

220
00:14:05,096 --> 00:14:10,533
♪ Rest between the
pages of my mind ♪

221
00:14:13,268 --> 00:14:15,815
♪ Memories

222
00:14:15,973 --> 00:14:21,978
♪ See me through the
ages just like wine... ♪

223
00:14:22,399 --> 00:14:25,867
And you sat on the gas pedal
when my foot fell asleep,

224
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,213
so I'm getting you
shined up nice.

225
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,137
What the...?

226
00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:31,979
Oh!

227
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,046
That's a ball-proof window, sir.

228
00:14:34,071 --> 00:14:36,896
Would you like me to ask Siri
for a nearby hospital?

229
00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:40,829
I'm sorry, I don't see
any "hops petals" near you.

230
00:14:40,858 --> 00:14:42,946
Deleting all contact
information.

231
00:14:42,977 --> 00:14:45,373
No, no, I didn't ask you
to do that, Siri. I...

232
00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:46,876
Delete confirmed.

233
00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:53,239
Oh. Okay, Bart, be cool.

234
00:14:53,317 --> 00:14:55,848
Calm down, you're not
gonna die up here.

235
00:15:05,474 --> 00:15:06,837
Aw...

236
00:15:09,130 --> 00:15:10,197
D'oh!

237
00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:26,082
Oh, Monty, I can't believe you
found me after all these years.

238
00:15:26,239 --> 00:15:28,325
I've saved myself for you.

239
00:15:28,366 --> 00:15:29,769
Well, then, uh...

240
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,650
I should disrobe at once.

241
00:15:31,748 --> 00:15:34,190
Housekeeping? Send up a
Chinese dressing screen

242
00:15:34,213 --> 00:15:37,349
and one of Firestone's finest
vulcanized prophylactics.

243
00:15:37,851 --> 00:15:39,095
Be right back.

244
00:15:42,987 --> 00:15:46,541
Smithers? Which do I take first, the
rhino horn or the tiger tongue?

245
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,273
I have my doubts
about both, sir.

246
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,756
Bah! I'll just do it
the old-fashioned way.

247
00:15:50,787 --> 00:15:52,326
With my pump.

248
00:15:55,919 --> 00:15:57,707
Just powdering my nose, darling.

249
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:04,507
Smithers, run down
to Sears, Roebuck

250
00:16:04,526 --> 00:16:06,994
and get a five-eighths-inch
Phillips head bolt.

251
00:16:10,022 --> 00:16:13,761
Here I am, slowly dying every
day at 5:00, 6:00 and 11:00.

252
00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:15,322
Help! Help!

253
00:16:15,334 --> 00:16:18,156
Child in danger with
exciting visuals!

254
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:22,095
This kid's corpse could be my magic
carpet. Get me a cameraman!

255
00:16:22,136 --> 00:16:25,567
The movie <i>Up</i> has come horribly
to life over Springfield.

256
00:16:25,591 --> 00:16:29,666
A local boy clings to life in a story
that proves this reporter's relevance.

257
00:16:29,711 --> 00:16:31,011
<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

258
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:32,999
It's Bart!

259
00:16:33,049 --> 00:16:34,596
Pray for a miracle, boy.

260
00:16:34,671 --> 00:16:36,634
God can hear you
better from up there.

261
00:16:36,664 --> 00:16:38,666
Dear Lord, please
help me land safely.

262
00:16:38,691 --> 00:16:41,514
Or transform this basket
into a flying killer robot

263
00:16:41,529 --> 00:16:43,366
that I control with my mind.
Amen.

264
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:44,638
That's not a prayer.

265
00:16:44,661 --> 00:16:46,328
My God says it is.

266
00:16:50,868 --> 00:16:54,320
Oh, I see you're ice-cold
with anticipation.

267
00:16:56,461 --> 00:16:58,706
Dead? Oh, Lilah.

268
00:16:58,731 --> 00:17:01,874
Even at the end,
I waited too long.

269
00:17:02,117 --> 00:17:03,986
What if I give her
the breath of life?

270
00:17:05,699 --> 00:17:06,849
Oh, boy.

271
00:17:06,868 --> 00:17:09,199
I guess one regret
just leads to another.

272
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:11,077
You know, sir, maybe it
would bring you peace

273
00:17:11,091 --> 00:17:13,959
to honor the one thing
Lilah ever asked of you.

274
00:17:16,717 --> 00:17:18,405
Here you are, my good man.

275
00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:21,019
A little broth will cure
your mental illness.

276
00:17:21,196 --> 00:17:24,160
Sir, that's five minutes. You can
stop thinking of other people now.

277
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,987
You know what, I think
I'll give it another five.

278
00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:31,605
I'm proud of you, Monty.

279
00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:34,580
I ain't eatin' that.

280
00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:40,482
Chief, what are you
doing to save our son?

281
00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:44,233
Well, I've placed marksmen on the roof
to shoot the balloons one by one,

282
00:17:44,245 --> 00:17:46,149
but frankly they're
not very good.

283
00:17:47,389 --> 00:17:49,565
Chief, it happened again.

284
00:17:49,587 --> 00:17:52,133
Aw, come on, guys,
spread out. Arm's length.

285
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,679
It's all my fault.

286
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:57,771
I should never have listened to those
KISS albums when I was pregnant.

287
00:17:57,792 --> 00:18:00,194
Marge, with all due
respect, that's ridiculous.

288
00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:02,950
My Sarah listened to Mozart
and Churchill speeches

289
00:18:02,968 --> 00:18:06,657
when she was pregnant with Ralphie, and
he can't even open a refrigerator.

290
00:18:06,679 --> 00:18:08,853
Pushing, always...
always pushing.

291
00:18:08,884 --> 00:18:11,246
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. That kid's a mess.

292
00:18:11,274 --> 00:18:13,671
Hey! Only <i>I</i> get to
criticize him, Lou.

293
00:18:13,699 --> 00:18:16,043
Kid's scared to flush.
Think's it's his brother.

294
00:18:16,074 --> 00:18:19,302
Can we focus on my
son up in the sky?

295
00:18:19,322 --> 00:18:21,460
Oh, I've got a long-shot idea.

296
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:24,907
By which I mean firing a
shot over a long distance.

297
00:18:26,812 --> 00:18:32,461
Yeah, you see, if we could fire an exactly
12-and-a-half-pound weight into the basket,

298
00:18:32,482 --> 00:18:35,751
it would lower the boy
very gently to the ground.

299
00:18:35,778 --> 00:18:39,448
Unfortunately, all our
cannonballs were melted down

300
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,992
to make a statue of Joe Paterno,

301
00:18:42,016 --> 00:18:44,995
which we changed to
look like Eugene Levy.

302
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,873
I think I just might have
what you're looking for.

303
00:18:54,538 --> 00:18:57,341
Today I'm <i>glad</i> that
I sold that stock.

304
00:18:57,358 --> 00:19:00,112
Uh, Apple closed up
another 20 points today.

305
00:19:00,144 --> 00:19:02,126
Why does everyone know?

306
00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:04,841
Because their terrific products
keep track of it for you.

307
00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:07,184
And anything else you
could ever think of.

308
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,794
That kid's not
dying on <i>my</i> watch.

309
00:19:15,829 --> 00:19:18,439
Which ends... right
now, fortunately.

310
00:19:24,604 --> 00:19:27,617
Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart!
Bart! Bart!

311
00:19:27,639 --> 00:19:29,159
Hey.

312
00:19:30,025 --> 00:19:31,369
- Hmm.
- Bart! Bart!

313
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,757
Homer's rising faster
than Apple stock.

314
00:19:37,964 --> 00:19:39,737
My boy's okay!

315
00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:41,492
Bart! Bart! Bart!

316
00:19:41,572 --> 00:19:43,419
I won the science fair!

317
00:19:43,444 --> 00:19:45,264
I get to go to Chicago!

318
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:46,958
Bart! Bart! Bart!

319
00:19:46,992 --> 00:19:50,017
Ugh. Bart, Bart, Bart.

320
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,140
You know what I think
about regrets?

321
00:19:52,164 --> 00:19:54,799
As long as your family
is together,

322
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:57,627
every choice you've ever
made is the right one.

323
00:19:57,660 --> 00:20:00,188
And together we are.

324
00:20:01,126 --> 00:20:04,047
Would you guys knock it off?
He's down safe already.

325
00:20:04,886 --> 00:20:07,342
Sorry, Chief, that
was me putting it down.

326
00:20:07,395 --> 00:20:09,639
And there you have it--
a family reunited.

327
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:12,649
And a grateful nation gives
thanks for some solid reporting.

328
00:20:12,684 --> 00:20:14,418
Back to you, Rachel Maddow.

329
00:20:14,436 --> 00:20:15,624
Great job, Kent.

330
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,070
I think we might have an
opening for you at MSNBC

331
00:20:18,095 --> 00:20:22,193
between our weekend prison documentary
block and the two hours it takes

332
00:20:22,211 --> 00:20:23,979
to make up Joe Scarborough
on Monday morning.

333
00:20:24,026 --> 00:20:26,764
No, thanks, Rachel Maddow.
I'm happy right here.

334
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,101
No regrets.

335
00:20:28,204 --> 00:20:33,204
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

336
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:39,289
Hah!

337
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:21,014
Shh!

