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00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,669
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:06,338
♪ Good morning, USA!
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00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:10,209
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,178
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
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00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,057
♪ Good morning, USA
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Aah!
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00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:31,130
♪ Good morning, USA!
10
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(laughter)
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00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,804
I don't believe this.
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00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,639
How could they put me
at the kids' table?
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I'm 14.
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I'm Batman.
15
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No, you're not!
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(sighs)
I'm too old for this.
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I don't want to be
around all these babies
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00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,581
playing Pokémon... badly.
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This kid right here is just
wasting his Charizard.
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00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,087
You are wasting
your Charizard!
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00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:58,057
Gentlemen, just in time
for the annual hunting trip,
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I've purchased an RV,
and I love it.
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00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:04,096
It's like driving
a terrible little house.
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00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,097
Hunting trip?
25
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,698
That sounds awesome!
26
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,933
Steve, that trip,
27
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,102
like this table,
is for men only.
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00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,403
Yeah, kid.
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00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,272
So make like Pete Weber
in the tenth frame
30
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of the 2007 Pro Bowling
championships and split.
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(laughter)
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("Da, Da, Da" by Trio playing
over radio)
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♪ Da, da, da
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I love taking
the old '93 Mercury Sable
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00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,253
out for a little joyride.
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00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,989
Letting her stretch her legs.
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00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,627
Oh, oh, odometer's about
to turn over to all zeros.
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That might be interesting
to see.
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Ooh, check out this girl.
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Just drifting along.
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What an interesting look
she has.
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I'm so interested
in things today.
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And well, I'll just say it:
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00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,444
I'm behaving very interestingly.
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♪
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♪ Da, da, da
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♪ Da, da, da...
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(sighs)
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00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,156
Well, that's over.
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00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,658
Oh, damn it!
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00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,794
Y-You following
my daughter?
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00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,129
Screw you, buddy!
53
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,730
Get out of here,
you pervert!
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00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,166
Your weird daughter
made me miss the zeros!
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She made me miss the thing!
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00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,768
You freako!
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00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,137
I don't know what
you're talking about!
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00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:19,738
Get back in your house!
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00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,207
Get back in
your damn house!
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00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:26,812
TV ANNOUNCER:
Next on Guy Who Gets Laid A Lot,
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00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,681
the guy spends the night alone.
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00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,949
Aw...
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00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,784
ANNOUNCER:
Psyche! He totally gets laid.
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00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,119
Oh, they got me.
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00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,420
They got me again.
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00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,357
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what is this?
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00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,958
A brief PowerPoint
presentation
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00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,327
about why I should go
on that CIA hunting trip.
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00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,296
No, I told you,
it's for men.
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00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,431
Exactly, and as you can see,
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00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,600
I've gone through multiple rites
of passage,
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00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,570
any of which should qualify me
for this manhood you speak of.
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00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:54,806
What?!
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00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,375
PowerPoint?!
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00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,143
Why does it keep going back?
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00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,012
I don't even want
these transitions.
77
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:02,014
It's too busy.
78
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,349
Look, Steve, you couldn't
cut it on this hunting trip.
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00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,618
It's for rough and ready men,
and you're a boy.
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00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,520
Then how do I become a man?
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00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,822
Simple-- you have to hunt
and kill an animal.
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00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,457
Well, how am I supposed
to do that
83
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:14,393
if you won't let me
on the hunting trip?
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00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,161
That's a catch-22.
85
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:19,164
Joseph Heller's
absurdist novel?
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00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,332
Whoa, stop right there.
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00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,135
You know I only read books
I've already read.
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00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,238
She's a beauty, sir.
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00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,674
You ever want to drive around
with your poop,
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00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,809
this is the vehicle.
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(brakes hiss)
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Aah!
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Yay.
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00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,561
Steve's here.
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A spare tire that doubles
as a human boy?
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00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,500
We live in
wondrous times, Smith.
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00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,669
Damn it, Steve, I'm
taking you home right now.
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00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,572
Nonsense. We're here
and I'm ready to hunt.
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Now, let's set up camp.
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00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,709
Move!
101
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,077
That!
102
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,079
Bus!
103
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,248
(light classical music playing)
104
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,017
This is how we're camping?
105
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,452
It's glamping,
not camping.
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00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,921
Oh "glamping," huh, Smith?
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00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,924
You refuse to use that word
for six years,
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then suddenly your son
shows up,
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00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,428
and it's like
you thought of it.
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We've got an oxygen bar,
a yoga studio,
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and a good but not amazing
Thai restaurant,
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00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,734
but it's pretty good.
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00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,235
What do you hunt with?
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00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,271
The only gun I've seen
is the one on the buffet.
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Guns? Ha! Steve.
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It's glunting, not hunting.
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We use something
a bit more sophisticated.
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We use
the Hunting Command Center.
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Men, let's kill some animals.
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00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,620
(whirring, beeping)
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00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,323
Movement detected in Sector K-7.
122
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:54,326
Coordinating satellite path.
123
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,128
Initiating laser.
124
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,063
Firing in three...
125
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,564
two...
126
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,635
Squirrel hunted.
127
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,270
(laughter)
128
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,005
Squirrel down.
129
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,743
Deer!
130
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,379
(screaming in fear)
131
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,286
It's in the Command Center.
132
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,655
We're powerless!
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00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,329
That gun is meant
to be decorative.
134
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,331
It's a conversation piece.
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Smile, you son of a bitch.
136
00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,305
You're smiling.
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You son of a bitch.
138
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,743
(button clicks)
139
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,680
It's learning.
140
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,948
Kill it now!
141
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,284
Steve,
this is your man moment.
142
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,396
Steve, you miss...
143
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:05,530
(deer groaning)
144
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,765
What?
145
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:10,902
(shrieks)
146
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My boy is dead.
147
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Long live my man.
148
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:18,377
Hey, they put out éclairs.
149
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,717
And then he shot it
out of the tree, Francine.
150
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,185
It was one of those tree-bucks.
151
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,420
You know the ones.
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00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,388
Bang! Stab!
153
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,223
(choking)
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00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:34,226
(gurgling)
155
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Yeah, well, I just know
156
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,765
they're both
in a better place now.
157
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:40,999
That's right.
158
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:44,035
Deer hell.
159
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,837
You were so brave.
160
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,739
I'm so proud
of my little boy.
161
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,541
Oh, he's no little boy,
Francine.
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00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,276
He's a man.
163
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,411
Great, I-I'm a man.
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00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,546
Can we just not talk
about this anymore?
165
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,047
Well, you're not a man yet.
166
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,883
There's still the Regaling.
167
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,451
What's the Regaling?
168
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,452
"What's the Regaling?"
169
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,454
He wants to know
what the Regaling is.
170
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,456
Never heard of it, he says.
Can you believe this?
171
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,591
If you want to ask me
a question, Stan,
172
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,094
ask me a question,
but don't use me as a prop.
173
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,029
The Regaling
is a marvelous thing.
174
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,264
After every hunt--
175
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,899
oh, it's just divine!
176
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,233
You tell your hunting story
177
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,768
to a bunch of
drunks at the Lodge.
178
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,470
I have to tell my story?
179
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,640
Yes, and the Regaling
will double as your man,
180
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,075
uh, coming out party.
181
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,311
Wait, no, no, no, your man...
182
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,879
arriving at party.
183
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,714
Your manutante party.
184
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,416
Manutante ball.
185
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,717
D-Don't rush me.
186
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,119
Manutante balls.
187
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,554
Uh, went past it.
188
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,322
Steve, let the women
clear the table
189
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,657
while we adjourn
to another room,
190
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,725
so I can tell you
how proud I am of you
191
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,694
without feeling
like a total gaylord.
192
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,933
Roger, are you feeling okay?
193
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,801
You've been quiet
all through dinner.
194
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,136
Oh, Franny.
195
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,838
You ever miss
a moment in your life,
196
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,940
one of those things
you'll never get back?
197
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,842
You know I have
no regrets, Roger.
198
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,577
That's why I got this.
199
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,913
Your arm is right.
200
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,915
I'm gonna drive
another 100,000 miles
201
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,750
and see those zeros,
if it kills me.
202
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,853
Ooh, road trip.
Bring me.
203
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,654
I've got lots
of good travel bits,
204
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,257
like pretending exit names
are movie titles.
205
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,959
State Road, coming soon.
206
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,660
Or Main Street,
207
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,295
from the makers
of State Road.
208
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,164
(chuckles)
Hmm.
209
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,599
I don't see that
getting old.
210
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,500
Let's do it.
211
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,868
Good idea, guys.
212
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,936
You won't "regert" it.
213
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,975
Steve, we don't want to
be late for the Regaling.
214
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:33,612
You look like the most
handsome man in the world,
215
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,714
Bollywood star Akshay Kumar.
216
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,483
Oh, did you expect me
to say Ryan Gosling?
217
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,285
I said "the world," Steve.
218
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,187
Get out of your
Euro-centric bubble.
219
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,955
Anyway, you look good.
220
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,524
Regaling!
221
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,326
Regaling!
222
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,329
(low, indistinct conversations)
223
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,498
Okay, now, Steve, when you're
telling your hunting story,
224
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,166
don't forget to
mention all the blood.
225
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,636
People love blood.
226
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,340
Dad, when you first
killed something,
227
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,808
did you feel,
228
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,077
I don't know,
guilty about...
229
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,746
Steve, you're focusing
on the wrong thing.
230
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:11,283
There is a lectern that
is exactly your size.
231
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,689
Go get 'em, champ.
232
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,190
Don't forget the bloo...
233
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,092
Ah, he's gone.
234
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,164
STEVE:
You can do this, Steve.
235
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,466
Be a man.
236
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,437
Uh, since time immemorial,
237
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,674
mankind has been terrorized
by-by the deer.
238
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:39,110
This fleet brown menace
has owned the night,
239
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,946
nibbling at our gardens
240
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,348
before slinking like cowards
back to the forest.
241
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,617
MALE VOICE: I used to live
in the forest,
242
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,252
but now I live on the wall
243
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,454
with my wife up in my antlers.
244
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,122
This is humiliating.
245
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,457
Thanks, Steve.
246
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:53,758
Uh...
247
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,260
uh...
248
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:01,466
Th-Th-These hideous,
huge, uh, vermin...
249
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,268
He didn't even eat the meat.
250
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,436
(all gasping)
251
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,072
And all so he could
become a man?
252
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:12,377
Well, least we know what
kind of man Steve's become...
253
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,479
(inhales slowly)
254
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,282
...a bad man.
255
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,650
Uh...
256
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,985
hideous verm...
257
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,386
uh...
258
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,654
I can't.
259
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,389
I can't do this.
260
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,891
I want to be a man,
but not like this.
261
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,094
I feel awful
about what I did.
262
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,595
I mean, when I fired,
263
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,430
I was just trying
to scare it off.
264
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,632
I wasn't trying to kill anyone.
265
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,600
Did you hear that?
266
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,769
He wasn't even trying!
267
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,738
He's an effortless killer.
268
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:44,476
With one shot, he slays not one,
not two, not three,
269
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,677
but four deer!
270
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,911
Four?!
271
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,313
I wanted
to surprise you, Steve.
272
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,116
But it turns out these deer
had babies,
273
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,685
and without their parents,
they will surely starve.
274
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,086
(cheering, applause)
All right, Steve! Way to go!
275
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,655
Congratulations!
That a guy!
276
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,758
(whistling and applause)
277
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,692
MALE VOICE:
Steve...
278
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,761
there's only one way
to be saved.
279
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,696
Ugh! Again with this, Merv!
280
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:08,533
Ever since you got mounted,
all you do is talk about Jesus!
281
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,702
He is the light!
282
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:29,287
Okay, we want to rack up
miles on this odometer
283
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,522
as quickly as we can,
284
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,891
so no stops,
drive-throughs only.
285
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,126
And we're gonna share
your bowl as a bathroom.
286
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,795
Oh, please, no.
287
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,129
Not my bowl.
288
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,799
Oh, well. I tried.
289
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,501
You're a messed-up
fish, man.
290
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,570
Is that Steve?
291
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,972
He's in the middle
of nowhere.
292
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,841
We should pull over.
We don't have time.
293
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,042
Don't make eye contact.
294
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,817
(owl hooting, wind whistling)
295
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,453
(growling)
296
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:04,889
(screeches)
297
00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:11,763
Don't worry, little guys.
298
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,732
I'm gonna
stay here and raise you.
299
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,933
I owe you that much.
300
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,936
And I'm never gonna kill again.
301
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,804
(owl hooting)
302
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,907
(sad meowing)
303
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,910
(growling evilly)
304
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,790
(gasps)
305
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,425
"Dear Mother and Father,
306
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,793
"Do not worry about me.
307
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,628
"I have something
I must do.
308
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,397
"I will return,
although I cannot say when.
309
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,933
Tenderly yours,
Steven Anita."
310
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:49,801
He's run away!
311
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:50,802
He didn't run away.
312
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,036
Children run away.
313
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:53,438
Steve's a man now.
314
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,039
He just went to take care
of some business.
315
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,040
It's all here in the note.
316
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,242
I'm worried.
317
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,444
Francine, it says right here,
"Don't worry."
318
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,045
Do you need to read
the note again?
319
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,914
Your reading comprehension
is terrible.
320
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,449
Look, he said he'll be back.
321
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,251
How long can he possibly
be gone, anyway?
322
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,457
(brakes squeak,
horn beeps twice)
323
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,825
That'll be Bullock.
324
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,460
Time for the annual
CIA hunting trip.
325
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,594
(sighs sadly)
326
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,996
I can't believe
it's been a year
327
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,430
since Steve left.
328
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,965
God, I hope he's all right.
329
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,433
I'm sure he's fine.
330
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,269
He's probably living
up in Billings, Montana.
331
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,804
Got a little stake
in a copper mine.
332
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,605
Maybe a wife-- Rose.
333
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,074
Good ol' Rosie,
salt of the earth.
334
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,844
He'll get down to Bozeman
one of these days.
335
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,180
It's been so quiet
around here.
336
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,415
Roger, Klaus and Hayley
are still on
337
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,184
that 100,000-mile
road trip.
338
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,186
I didn't go on that trip.
339
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:45,456
Hmm, you've really been flying
under the radar this year.
340
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,826
(gulping)
341
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:51,462
Mmm! Eat plenty of moss,
my growing boys,
342
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,464
or no lichen for dessert.
343
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:56,100
I sure like lichen.
344
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,869
Hey, where you going?
345
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,441
The CIA hunting trip.
346
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,711
So, it has been a year already.
347
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:07,879
(huffing, grunting)
348
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,048
Again? You just went!
349
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:10,982
(grunts, sputters)
350
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,051
What do you mean?
You know where it is.
351
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,119
It's wherever
you want it to be.
352
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,122
(light classical music playing)
353
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:22,894
Is this lasagna?
354
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,829
Did we agree on lasagna?
355
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,898
I never would've voted
for lasagna.
356
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,733
STEVE:
Father!
357
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:32,804
Steve?!
358
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,206
Steve! You're here!
359
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,875
It's so good to see you.
360
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,243
Well, you've seen me.
361
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,245
And now it's time
for you and your kind
362
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,746
to leave this place.
363
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,081
What are you talking about?
364
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,849
I have renounced
the ways of man,
365
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:45,984
and have been living
in the woods
366
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,552
raising the two deer
I orphaned.
367
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,254
There will be no hunting
here today,
368
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,055
nor ever again.
369
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,557
But... the things
you're saying!
370
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,925
All this time, I thought...
371
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,928
you're not a man;
you're not even a mammal!
372
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,529
You're an anti-mammal!
373
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,164
That doesn't roll
off the tongue, does it?
374
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,766
I'll have to combine
all those words,
375
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,501
off the cuff,
to create a new word.
376
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,070
I call you "an-i-mal."
377
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,939
That's it--
"an-i-mal."
378
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,942
It may not be a word,
but I know what it means.
379
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:14,779
Will you make peace
with an... "an-i-mal"?
380
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,014
Did I say that right?
381
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,582
Yes, you did.
And no, I won't!
382
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,617
Then you've brought
this war on yourself.
383
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,588
So does this mean
you and Rosie split up?
384
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,523
Marriage is hard, son!
385
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,393
You gotta learn
to tune out the nonsense!
386
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:32,196
(metallic screeching)
387
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,471
This is it.
It's finally here!
388
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,739
Oh, my God.
389
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,108
Here we go.
390
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,812
(engine clanks,
sputters, dies)
391
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,881
(metallic screeching)
392
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,150
What?!
393
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,785
This is a '93 Sable!
394
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,320
How is this happening?
395
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,389
(Roger grunting,
metal screeching)
396
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,834
KLAUS:
You can do it.
397
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,070
Almost there.
398
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,240
(gagging, gasping)
399
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,411
(siren wailing)
400
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:24,248
I'm not a vet, but I think
you're overfeeding your fish.
401
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:27,618
As for you, all your organs
are wrong and scary to me.
402
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,187
You might want
to have that looked at.
403
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,788
DRIVER:
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!
404
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:31,789
What? What is it?
405
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:32,957
The ambulance odometer's
406
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,759
about to roll over to 100,000!
407
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,195
You gotta get up here
and see this, bro!
408
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,629
Five zeros?!
409
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,098
Hot dog!
410
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:42,467
PARAMEDIC:
Dear Lord.
411
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,868
Some people go their whole lives
412
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,269
without seeing something
this beautiful.
413
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,838
I can almost...
414
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:52,210
(distant crashing)
415
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:55,613
Boys, all of your training
has been leading to this moment.
416
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,281
Except for
the three months I wasted
417
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,816
trying to teach you English.
418
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,118
Go!
419
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:04,055
And this one I scraped
on a rock,
420
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,690
but it doesn't hurt.
421
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,193
Sir, I'm picking up
something on the radar.
422
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,294
(radar blipping)
423
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,463
I know what this is.
424
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:16,134
Okay, my son wants a war,
let's give it to him.
425
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,178
The sauna!
426
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,513
We still have
the steam room!
427
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,081
But I prefer dry heat!
428
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,753
It's an ambush!
We have to rally!
429
00:17:39,858 --> 00:17:40,925
(gasps)
430
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:51,002
(gasps)
431
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,074
Aah! Ticks!
432
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,109
I feel tired all of a sudden.
433
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,844
My muscles are achy,
434
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,413
and my temperament
feels inconsistent.
435
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,349
(screeching)
436
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,251
American bald eagles!
437
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,286
We're saved!
438
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,121
(screeches)
439
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,422
Snakes!
440
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,191
(gagging)
441
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,959
(screaming)
442
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,028
(snakes hissing)
443
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:20,865
Our espresso bar
with free WiFi!
444
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,100
I've seen quite enough!
445
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,139
(engine revs, tires screech)
446
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,542
Smith!
We're getting out of here!
447
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,377
And surrender? Never!
448
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,914
I'll tell your family
you were killed by chipmunks.
449
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,283
(engine revs, tires screech)
450
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:43,121
It's about time that the hunter
who became the hunted
451
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,323
becomes the hunter.
452
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,859
Again.
453
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,329
(rustling, twig snaps)
454
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,964
Boys? That you?
455
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,467
It's over. We won.
456
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,304
Dignan? Applejack?
457
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,939
(sniffs)
458
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:05,176
Ugh! I can't smell anything
with my seasonal allergies.
459
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,244
Hey, Zyrtec!
460
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:07,879
Aah!
461
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,915
You can't stop me
from hunting, Steve.
462
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,283
It's wrong, Dad.
463
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,985
Hunting for sport
is wrong.
464
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,353
I feel very differently.
465
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,155
My boys will come for me.
466
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,489
Oh, I'm counting on it.
467
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:21,626
Don't hurt him!
He's my son!
468
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,594
You betrayed your species.
469
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,829
He's not your son,
470
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,797
he's something for drunks
to shoot at.
471
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,166
I've told you a thousand times,
472
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,334
it's killing
that makes the man.
473
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:33,271
(hissing like a raptor)
474
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,039
Clever boy.
475
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,878
(huffing, grunting)
476
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,948
No! Don't kill him!
477
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,183
It's not what we do!
478
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,317
Yeah, what he said.
479
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,852
Killing's not what
makes a man.
480
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:48,986
It's something else.
481
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,254
(enraged chuffing
and snarling)
482
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,657
You'll regret it.
483
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,258
I did.
484
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:07,238
Dad, I'd like you to meet
your grandchildren.
485
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,040
Uh, hello.
486
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,675
Sorry Peepaw tried
to kill you.
487
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:14,045
I've been dreading this day,
but it's time.
488
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,213
(deer grunting gently)
489
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,314
You're ready now.
490
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,548
You have to go!
491
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,751
Go! Get out of here!
Shoo!
492
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:24,155
Yeah, yeah, they left
as soon as you said "go."
493
00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:29,026
You're probably pretty
disappointed in me, huh?
494
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,428
Why would I be
disappointed in you?
495
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,397
'Cause I'm not a man,
and I guess I'll never be.
496
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,900
No, Steve, I was wrong.
497
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,668
Anyone can kill.
498
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,904
But it takes a real man
to show mercy.
499
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,505
You taught me that.
500
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,341
So, I'm a man?
501
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,443
At long last, I'm a man?
502
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,411
You bet your ass you are.
503
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,113
But only in the woods.
504
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,283
And we're never coming
back here again.
505
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:56,387
So those deer know how to
use guns, huh? That's cool.
506
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,928
(whirring)
507
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,166
(remote chirps)
508
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,439
Well, we're almost to
100,000 again, Klaus...
509
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,508
...'s bones.
510
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,313
Ooh! Is that one of
those deer men?
511
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:24,148
They're so interesting!
512
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:27,818
(remote chirps)
513
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:30,921
Noooo!
514
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,957
Bye, have a beautiful time!