1
00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:21,261
Oh! It's Coach!
2
00:00:21,273 --> 00:00:23,792
- Coach, our old roommate?
- He wants to hang out tonight.
3
00:00:23,827 --> 00:00:25,360
- What?
- He just texted me.
4
00:00:25,388 --> 00:00:27,857
Oh, man, you better give
Power of Attorney to a loved one,
5
00:00:27,869 --> 00:00:29,323
'cause it's about to get crazy.
6
00:00:29,342 --> 00:00:31,843
When Coach has the dice,
every roll's a seven.
7
00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,384
♪ Here I am ♪
8
00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:37,321
♪ Rock you like a hurricane ♪
9
00:00:37,344 --> 00:00:39,738
Nick, trumpet solo.
10
00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:42,475
- Yeah!
- You're ruining my wedding!
11
00:00:43,245 --> 00:00:45,084
You know, I bet this means
he broke up with Malia.
12
00:00:45,106 --> 00:00:47,662
I mean, that's his thing. He finds
a girl, he just disappears.
13
00:00:48,158 --> 00:00:49,933
Holy crap in a hat! Schmidt!
14
00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:52,032
- How long have you been out there?
- Oh, relax.
15
00:00:52,054 --> 00:00:54,016
Just bringing my chimes
over to the new loft.
16
00:00:54,046 --> 00:00:56,974
Damn it, Schmidt! You're here
all the time taking our stuff.
17
00:00:56,998 --> 00:00:59,111
You decided to move
out, so get new stuff.
18
00:00:59,129 --> 00:01:01,463
Oh, I'm sorry that I'm more into
material possessions than you.
19
00:01:01,483 --> 00:01:04,050
Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste
while I was using it.
20
00:01:04,078 --> 00:01:05,084
That's vindictive.
21
00:01:05,092 --> 00:01:06,373
- That's who took the toothpaste?
- Yeah.
22
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,805
Uh-oh, you better watch out,
break of, break of dawn,
23
00:01:08,817 --> 00:01:10,818
because I'm about to
party all up in you!
24
00:01:10,839 --> 00:01:12,323
- Coach texted you, too?
- Yeah, man.
25
00:01:12,335 --> 00:01:15,002
Well, I guess he doesn't realize you're a
dill weed who doesn't live here anymore.
26
00:01:15,016 --> 00:01:17,851
Well, I guess he doesn't realize
that you're a dill weed who...
27
00:01:18,374 --> 00:01:19,862
who still lives here.
28
00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:22,152
Remember when you got those
chimes, and there was that girl?
29
00:01:22,178 --> 00:01:23,482
Yeah.
30
00:01:24,455 --> 00:01:26,184
- What's happening?
- I don't know. I don't get it.
31
00:01:26,195 --> 00:01:28,244
- I had so much sex on patio furniture.
- A lot of fun.
32
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,213
The best.
33
00:01:29,239 --> 00:01:31,542
- I'm still mad at you.
- I'm mad at you, man!
34
00:01:32,829 --> 00:01:34,997
I need everyone to shut up
35
00:01:35,049 --> 00:01:38,629
and answer
one... simple... question!
36
00:01:39,912 --> 00:01:42,939
You sons a bitches
ready to party?
37
00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:44,033
Yeah!
38
00:01:44,335 --> 00:01:47,091
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
39
00:01:47,115 --> 00:01:48,488
♪ Who's that girl?
40
00:01:48,506 --> 00:01:50,571
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
41
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,006
It's good to have
you back, old man.
42
00:01:53,097 --> 00:01:54,653
So, what, uh, you
and Malia broke up?
43
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:57,841
Oh, yeah. She got real fat on
me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
44
00:01:57,862 --> 00:02:00,006
I guess her gain is our gain!
45
00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:02,170
Who are you?
46
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:05,022
- Hey, come... Come on, man.
- It's me, Jess.
47
00:02:05,047 --> 00:02:07,611
- Ah, yeah, no.
- We lived together for, like, two weeks.
48
00:02:07,624 --> 00:02:09,099
We shared
some pretty big moments.
49
00:02:09,258 --> 00:02:12,827
- Yes! We got Bin Laden!
- SEAL Team 6, bitches!
50
00:02:12,961 --> 00:02:14,730
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
51
00:02:14,964 --> 00:02:16,120
Huh.
52
00:02:16,532 --> 00:02:18,561
- I thought I was alone for that.
- You weren't.
53
00:02:18,679 --> 00:02:22,321
Anyway, I'm single, and me and my
boys are gonna get crazy tonight!
54
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:23,764
Huh?
55
00:02:24,138 --> 00:02:25,785
You know what I'm talking about,
Shrimp Forks.
56
00:02:25,825 --> 00:02:27,149
- Oh, man.
- Oh, no.
57
00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:28,319
What's Shrimp Forks?
58
00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:31,007
It's a name I gave Winston
when we played hoops.
59
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,724
The ball used to always slip through
his little, small girly hands.
60
00:02:33,927 --> 00:02:35,587
Winston Bishop, point guard...
61
00:02:37,213 --> 00:02:39,286
Winston Bishop,
point guard, R...
62
00:02:39,412 --> 00:02:40,706
Point guard, R...
63
00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:43,642
He couldn't palm an apple.
Old Shrimp Forks.
64
00:02:43,878 --> 00:02:45,507
So, I'm thinking strip club tonight?
65
00:02:45,551 --> 00:02:48,579
- Hmm?
- Oh, fun, fun! Fun! Fun!
66
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:51,896
Uh, Nick, can I talk to you in
the other room alone for a sec?
67
00:02:52,878 --> 00:02:54,863
Should I close the door,
or do you want to just do it quietly?
68
00:02:54,885 --> 00:02:57,007
- We're not having sex, Nick.
- No, I know that.
69
00:02:57,025 --> 00:02:58,882
- You wanted to come here and talk.
- Yeah.
70
00:02:58,911 --> 00:03:00,964
A strip club on a Tuesday night?
71
00:03:00,984 --> 00:03:03,402
No, I know, I know, but this is
just what we always used to do.
72
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:06,819
I don't want to be one of those girls, but
I feel kind of uncomfortable about it.
73
00:03:06,835 --> 00:03:08,760
- I totally get it.
- Let's go, Nick.
74
00:03:08,779 --> 00:03:10,910
These dollar bills aren't gonna
stick themselves in a thong.
75
00:03:10,935 --> 00:03:13,205
- I'm coming, my man.
- Right on.
76
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,615
I might... I might
be coming, my man.
77
00:03:15,631 --> 00:03:18,515
- Oh, I get it. You're whipped.
- No, I'm not.
78
00:03:18,534 --> 00:03:20,243
I know you had to check
in with your girlfriend.
79
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,030
We haven't even discussed
the girlfriend-boyfriend thing.
80
00:03:22,048 --> 00:03:23,627
Oh, cool, man. Let's go.
81
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,318
What?
82
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:29,493
What a...
83
00:03:29,504 --> 00:03:31,592
- I'm sorry, what did I just hear?
- What I...
84
00:03:31,617 --> 00:03:34,219
All I said was we haven't had the
girlfriend-boyfriend discussion,
85
00:03:34,237 --> 00:03:36,088
- which we haven't.
- You don't think you're my boyfriend?
86
00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:37,700
No, I never said that.
87
00:03:37,723 --> 00:03:40,192
I'm just talking terminology.
We've never had the terminology.
88
00:03:40,218 --> 00:03:41,818
- We've never had the terminology.
- What?
89
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,134
We've never used
the terminology.
90
00:03:43,159 --> 00:03:44,629
It's funny you act like
you're my boyfriend,
91
00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:46,404
you have all the "privileges"
of being my boyfriend.
92
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,279
I enjoy them.
93
00:03:47,291 --> 00:03:50,379
- Would like me to revoke those privileges?
- No, you're twisting my words.
94
00:03:50,406 --> 00:03:54,259
What I'm saying, Jess, is we've
never had the boyfriend-girlfriend,
95
00:03:54,278 --> 00:03:55,956
seeing other people conversation.
96
00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,644
We haven't had the seeing
other people conversation?
97
00:03:58,729 --> 00:04:01,512
- You're seeing other people?
- No, I'm not. Are you?
98
00:04:01,523 --> 00:04:03,070
- No.
- Jess, I'm just...
99
00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:06,228
We haven't had the
conversation is all,
100
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,099
and it's a conversation that I,
personally, would love to have.
101
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,184
Uh, dude, let's go.
It's gonna close.
102
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:13,948
Geez, is she not letting you go?
103
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:16,614
I'm just telling her what
kind of cake to bake me, son.
104
00:04:16,629 --> 00:04:19,443
Oh. Damn!
105
00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:21,677
That's right. All right.
106
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,611
- What are you doing?!
- I don't know.
107
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,072
- What are you doing?!
- Jess, it's when Coach is here,
108
00:04:27,107 --> 00:04:28,869
- I just...
- No.
109
00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:30,533
Nick!
110
00:04:31,087 --> 00:04:34,062
- I'm really sorry.
- Guess what, Nick?
111
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,006
I'm going out tonight because we haven't
had the boyfriend-girlfriend talk,
112
00:04:37,032 --> 00:04:39,451
and we haven't had the
seeing other people talk,
113
00:04:39,490 --> 00:04:42,473
and I'm gonna bake a cake, a
pineapple upside down cake.
114
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,421
- In terms of the metaphor, I'm really...
- Don't!
115
00:04:44,443 --> 00:04:47,114
Go to the strip club, Nick.
Knock yourself out.
116
00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:50,392
- Oh, don't wait up, Jebecca.
- Yeah, it's Jess.
117
00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:51,488
Right on.
118
00:04:54,322 --> 00:04:56,135
Men suck.
119
00:04:56,161 --> 00:04:58,181
- Nick isn't even a man.
- Mm-mm.
120
00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:02,345
He's like some man-boy,
man-child hybrid.
121
00:05:02,378 --> 00:05:05,598
The other day, I had to tell
him not to pull a dog's tail.
122
00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:07,194
I shouldn't have to do that.
123
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:10,975
If a guy wants to play games, Jess,
you got to play them right back.
124
00:05:10,997 --> 00:05:12,572
- Right, good.
- Yeah.
125
00:05:12,584 --> 00:05:14,077
What does that mean?
126
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,336
- I'd make him jealous.
- Yeah, right, yeah.
127
00:05:16,364 --> 00:05:19,219
And there are a lot of guys out there
that want to hook up with you.
128
00:05:19,238 --> 00:05:22,838
There is this one guy, Artie, from
the coffee shop who asked me out.
129
00:05:22,896 --> 00:05:24,409
Oh, actually, you
have my number.
130
00:05:24,427 --> 00:05:26,805
So give me a call. Maybe
we can go out sometime.
131
00:05:26,918 --> 00:05:28,849
Shut your face!
132
00:05:29,069 --> 00:05:31,603
You should maybe give this
guy, Artie, a call and see...
133
00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:33,189
No, that's too real.
134
00:05:33,228 --> 00:05:34,516
That's just way too real.
135
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,996
Then why do you have his
number in your phone?
136
00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:37,357
I just like looking at it.
It's not weird.
137
00:05:37,381 --> 00:05:39,448
- No.
- But it has, like...
138
00:05:39,908 --> 00:05:42,476
a lot of fours in it.
139
00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:45,092
You know, you know what I mean?
140
00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:46,967
No, I don't.
141
00:05:49,986 --> 00:05:54,737
Oh, which one of y'all want a lap
dance, because WB just hit the ATM.
142
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,966
- Oh, hold up.
- Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:58,639
Shrimp Forks, why'd you get
so much Bunny Money?
144
00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:00,918
- What is Bunny Money?
- That is Bunny Money.
145
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:03,347
That's not real money.
Look at the bill.
146
00:06:03,425 --> 00:06:05,806
President Rabbit with
two big ass jugs.
147
00:06:06,342 --> 00:06:07,626
Damn, man.
148
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,853
It's fine. As long as you didn't
take out too much, you're okay.
149
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,527
Hey, Schmidt,
I took out $2,000.
150
00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:16,112
You keep making
mistakes, Winston.
151
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,701
Oh, isn't this great, guy?
152
00:06:17,718 --> 00:06:19,049
- Awesome.
- Yeah, man, the best.
153
00:06:19,068 --> 00:06:20,469
And it's gonna keep
getting better,
154
00:06:20,491 --> 00:06:23,071
because we're not leaving here
until the sun comes up.
155
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,263
- Whew.
- Hey, yo, brick top!
156
00:06:25,281 --> 00:06:26,903
We about to get it popping.
157
00:06:27,214 --> 00:06:29,534
Whistle while you twerk!
158
00:06:29,549 --> 00:06:31,920
- That man has so much confidence.
- It's amazing.
159
00:06:31,943 --> 00:06:34,381
Until the morning? I can't do this,
Schmidt. I'm having anxiety here.
160
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,998
I have an 8:00 a.m. presentation.
161
00:06:36,023 --> 00:06:38,484
That means I have to get there at
7:45 to lower everyone's chairs.
162
00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:40,439
Jess hasn't texted me back.
I'm starting to freak out.
163
00:06:40,464 --> 00:06:41,514
Here's what I think we should do.
164
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,832
I think you should be the one to just
kind of tell him that we want to leave
165
00:06:43,863 --> 00:06:45,852
and that maybe you want to leave
and then we'll all go together.
166
00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:48,168
- Why do I have to be the heavy?
- All right, fellas!
167
00:06:48,195 --> 00:06:50,387
All right, he's back!
168
00:06:50,486 --> 00:06:53,798
So I got dancers for each of us,
plus one floater to play the zone.
169
00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:55,623
Oh, defense!
170
00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,464
- Yeah!
- Here's a crazy idea.
171
00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:01,202
- Shoot, man.
- What if we got out of here,
172
00:07:01,493 --> 00:07:03,168
went back to the loft
and just hung out?
173
00:07:03,184 --> 00:07:05,422
You're going through a big breakup.
Let's talk it out, man.
174
00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:08,353
Yeah, yeah, let's just, um,
go home and talk feelings.
175
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,717
- No.
- Mm-mm.
176
00:07:09,736 --> 00:07:13,130
I was with Malia, now I'm not.
There, we talked about it.
177
00:07:13,156 --> 00:07:15,712
Oh, look at the time.
It's butt o'clock.
178
00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:17,356
- You whipped.
- Shut up, Schmidt.
179
00:07:17,384 --> 00:07:18,797
- You whipped.
- Straight-up whipped.
180
00:07:18,809 --> 00:07:20,459
- I'm not whipped.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
181
00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:22,140
- Yeah, you are.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
182
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:22,809
Whipped!
183
00:07:22,828 --> 00:07:25,130
So, Cece, I'm thinking
of firing off this text to Nick.
184
00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:26,983
"Loving single life."
185
00:07:27,173 --> 00:07:29,412
Should I add a "whoo-hoo"
or is that too bitchy?
186
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,232
Look who I called.
187
00:07:31,792 --> 00:07:33,456
Hey, Jess.
188
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,979
Shut your face.
189
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:39,216
What?
190
00:07:41,195 --> 00:07:43,674
Oh, looks like you
could use a new drink.
191
00:07:43,691 --> 00:07:44,911
Barkeep,
192
00:07:44,936 --> 00:07:47,074
can I please get
a Shirley Temple
193
00:07:47,102 --> 00:07:51,171
with a finger of coconut
rum and a lemon squeeze?
194
00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:54,837
I call it a Temple Grandin because
it makes friendly and compassionate.
195
00:07:56,361 --> 00:07:58,992
- I have a boyfriend.
- No, she... No, she doesn't.
196
00:07:58,998 --> 00:08:00,297
Yeah, I do. She do.
197
00:08:00,327 --> 00:08:02,224
- No.
- Obviously, this is a bad time,
198
00:08:02,237 --> 00:08:04,371
and, uh, you're involved.
199
00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:06,945
- In some shape or other.
- No, no, no. She's free as a bird.
200
00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:07,739
Cece.
201
00:08:07,757 --> 00:08:10,982
All right, well, he's a very lucky man.
I hope he realizes that.
202
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:13,275
Oh, don't move.
203
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,133
You've got an eyelash.
204
00:08:15,318 --> 00:08:16,903
There we go. Make a wish.
205
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,874
I'm afraid to.
206
00:08:19,056 --> 00:08:20,906
All right, take care.
207
00:08:22,338 --> 00:08:24,748
- Big mistake.
- I shook his hand. I had my fun.
208
00:08:24,766 --> 00:08:29,474
Do you think that Nick is in the strip
club right now shaking hands? No.
209
00:08:29,559 --> 00:08:31,526
Because he is a man.
210
00:08:31,642 --> 00:08:32,699
You can't trust them, Jess.
211
00:08:32,717 --> 00:08:37,077
Okay? The moment you let your guard
down, they just walk all over you.
212
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:39,737
Tonight is the night to beat
them at their own game.
213
00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:45,087
Hey, Artie! Bet you
can't lift me!
214
00:08:47,616 --> 00:08:49,851
Uh, all sales of Bunny
Money are final.
215
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:53,204
How am I supposed to
spend $2,000 on dancers?
216
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,118
Oh, no. Our dancers
don't take it.
217
00:08:55,237 --> 00:08:58,245
- What? - However, uh, Bunny
Money is redeemable at the bar,
218
00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:01,325
our gift shop and our sister
club in Fort Myers, Florida.
219
00:09:01,756 --> 00:09:02,506
What?!
220
00:09:02,537 --> 00:09:04,011
Body shot.
221
00:09:07,325 --> 00:09:09,673
You taste delicious, do you know that?
What is that? An aftertaste?
222
00:09:09,695 --> 00:09:11,597
- Probably baby formula.
- Oh...
223
00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:15,123
- Tuesday nights!
- Girl, you are a pistol.
224
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:20,846
I'll tell you what, how 'bout you and me
go back and I dance on you this time?
225
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,244
Oh, man.
226
00:09:25,218 --> 00:09:26,571
Tuesdays nights.
227
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:28,340
You know, for a chub,
you're a terrible heavy.
228
00:09:28,382 --> 00:09:31,551
Let's just get Coach really
drunk until he passes out.
229
00:09:31,569 --> 00:09:33,712
Then we take him home.
Shot contest.
230
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,579
Like in Raiders of the
Lost Ark, Schmidt.
231
00:09:35,585 --> 00:09:37,416
I'm not ripping a page
from that pro-Nazi film.
232
00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:38,985
- It isn't pro-Nazi.
- Of course it is.
233
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:41,334
It might as well be an
SS propaganda movie.
234
00:09:41,356 --> 00:09:43,963
- No, everybody in a Nazi uniform
literally dies. - Yeah, the...
235
00:09:44,356 --> 00:09:46,727
- When she puts the hand into the, uh...
- The heart.
236
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:49,719
No, not... Well, that happens, too.
Nazis.
237
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,268
I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
238
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:53,338
They ate the monkey brains,
and there was all the bugs.
239
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:54,874
Nazi, Nazi.
240
00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:56,267
Nick's at a strip club,
241
00:09:56,286 --> 00:09:58,681
but he's just being a normal
guy in his 20s that wants
242
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,656
to hang out with other
guys in their 20s.
243
00:10:00,682 --> 00:10:02,938
They're all in their 30s.
244
00:10:03,122 --> 00:10:05,507
- Hmm.
- Yeah. Enough about Nick.
245
00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:08,437
What do you do when you're not
making coffee at the coffee shop?
246
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:11,041
- Well, actually, I own the coffee shop.
- What?
247
00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:12,594
It's not as glamorous
as you may think.
248
00:10:12,606 --> 00:10:16,522
It's a lot of spreadsheets and jetting
off to Brazil at a moment's notice.
249
00:10:16,598 --> 00:10:18,364
Nick's never been to Brazil.
250
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:20,213
Maybe you should step away.
251
00:10:20,398 --> 00:10:23,019
You know, call Nick up
and hash things out.
252
00:10:23,043 --> 00:10:25,977
Hmm-mm, can't call Nick 'cause then
he'll know I'm thinking about him.
253
00:10:26,008 --> 00:10:27,374
- Ah.
- And then he wins.
254
00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:29,081
Maybe you both win.
255
00:10:29,219 --> 00:10:30,770
Say Brazil again.
256
00:10:30,912 --> 00:10:33,104
Brazil.
257
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,039
Say "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
258
00:10:36,059 --> 00:10:39,209
- Rubber babby buggy bumpers.
- Oh, my God!
259
00:10:39,886 --> 00:10:41,731
Shot contest isn't working.
260
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:43,239
It's only making him stronger.
261
00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:45,689
It's Jess.
262
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,435
Hey, Jess, I'm so
glad you called!
263
00:10:48,455 --> 00:10:50,455
Nick, can I talk to
you for a second?
264
00:10:50,476 --> 00:10:53,211
Oh, is that, uh,
Notorious N.A.G.?
265
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,355
- Hey!
- Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?
266
00:10:55,873 --> 00:10:59,113
Hey, I don't need your
help checking my woman.
267
00:10:59,131 --> 00:11:00,910
You're checking your woman?
268
00:11:01,073 --> 00:11:02,360
Wait, how did you hear that?
269
00:11:02,378 --> 00:11:04,791
You were covering
the listening part, dummy.
270
00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:06,911
Yeah, but they look the same.
I'm too drunk.
271
00:11:06,961 --> 00:11:09,931
Well, I'm way drunk,
too, and I'm with a man.
272
00:11:10,206 --> 00:11:10,903
What?
273
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,490
He owns a business,
and he goes to Brazil.
274
00:11:15,699 --> 00:11:17,312
- Nick?
- Oh, it's a coin flip.
275
00:11:17,405 --> 00:11:19,674
Hello?
He's so immature.
276
00:11:19,786 --> 00:11:21,140
Jess!
277
00:11:21,935 --> 00:11:23,091
Jess, I got it.
278
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:24,873
Hey, I think you guys
have had enough.
279
00:11:24,906 --> 00:11:27,494
- Why don't you let me give you a
ride home? - Wait, you weren't drinking?
280
00:11:27,513 --> 00:11:30,496
- Oh, no, no, no, I don't drink.
- I got to get a jump on the morning.
281
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:32,719
Well, you really
have it together.
282
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,857
I bet you can use a phone, too.
283
00:11:34,888 --> 00:11:37,798
Your bar for having it
together is set pretty low.
284
00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:39,297
I don't think this
is such a good idea.
285
00:11:39,321 --> 00:11:42,308
- We can just grab a cab home.
- Cece, this was your idea.
286
00:11:42,553 --> 00:11:44,395
Artie, can we take your jet?
287
00:11:44,424 --> 00:11:47,103
Oh, it's just one coffee shop.
288
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:49,193
Wouldn't you like to know?
289
00:11:49,461 --> 00:11:51,945
All right, guys,
give it up for Candy!
290
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,356
Is that lobster gray?
291
00:11:53,374 --> 00:11:55,206
Most expensive thing on the menu.
292
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,363
- I got to go.
- What?
293
00:11:57,387 --> 00:11:59,226
Jess is drinking
and talking to some guy.
294
00:11:59,248 --> 00:12:02,318
Forget her, dude.
Relationships are prisons.
295
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,205
How often do we get to
hang out like this?
296
00:12:04,226 --> 00:12:07,682
- I haven't seen you in two years.
- Strippers and booze forever.
297
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:10,191
- There it is. - Hear, hear.
- No, stop, no, no.
298
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:13,020
Relationships are not prisons,
299
00:12:13,037 --> 00:12:15,298
and Jess is amazing.
300
00:12:15,827 --> 00:12:17,471
She's sexy
301
00:12:17,496 --> 00:12:20,572
and sweet, and I can't lose her.
302
00:12:21,682 --> 00:12:23,054
So I'm going home to see her.
303
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:30,980
Why are you crying? We can
see each other tomorrow.
304
00:12:31,007 --> 00:12:33,646
I didn't break up with
Malia, all right?
305
00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:37,460
- She broke up with me.
- Why didn't you say anything, man?
306
00:12:37,497 --> 00:12:39,769
'Cause I was
embarrassed, Winston.
307
00:12:40,795 --> 00:12:44,503
I lost her. I was just trying to fill
a void with all these naked chicks.
308
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,714
I don't want to be here.
I want to be in love.
309
00:12:47,907 --> 00:12:50,140
Oh, Coach, this is so pathetic.
310
00:12:50,158 --> 00:12:53,757
Now she's dating some
dude named Derrique.
311
00:12:54,436 --> 00:12:55,374
Or Derek.
312
00:12:55,397 --> 00:12:57,799
Coach, you need to go home,
and I need to go home, too.
313
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,391
You're right, man.
314
00:12:59,711 --> 00:13:01,293
You have to fight
for your relationships.
315
00:13:01,328 --> 00:13:03,106
- Freaking Derrique.
- Let's go.
316
00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:04,939
Mm-mmm, guys, guys,
you cannot leave.
317
00:13:04,961 --> 00:13:07,061
Dude, I was just crying. I
want to get out of here.
318
00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:08,657
It's embarrassing. He
cried in a strip club.
319
00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:10,148
All the dudes saw me cry.
Dude, I want to leave.
320
00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:13,157
Man, I got Bunny Money
coming out of my pockets.
321
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:17,113
Wait a minute, this
ain't the way home.
322
00:13:17,222 --> 00:13:19,464
Yeah, we're just gonna
make a quick stop.
323
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:22,348
We're gonna kick Malia's
boyfriend's ass.
324
00:13:22,375 --> 00:13:23,902
Wait, this is a police station?
325
00:13:23,921 --> 00:13:27,396
- Uh-huh, that's where he works.
- You want to drunk fight a cop?
326
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:29,696
He stole my girlfriend.
327
00:13:29,714 --> 00:13:31,504
Did you hear the joke
about the two black guys
328
00:13:31,523 --> 00:13:34,054
and two white guys who walked
into a police station?
329
00:13:34,431 --> 00:13:36,606
- The two white guys came out.
- I'm with Winston.
330
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:37,650
- Winston?
- Mm-hmm?
331
00:13:37,673 --> 00:13:40,779
I got two of these, and you
got one more of those.
332
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,395
- Put that away.
- Coach!
333
00:13:42,423 --> 00:13:43,475
Coach, let's do it.
334
00:13:43,487 --> 00:13:44,930
- Coach, no!
- Let's get raucous.
335
00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:46,649
- I'm ready.
- We're not ready!
336
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:51,557
- He is pure life force.
- He's a lunatic, man.
337
00:13:51,576 --> 00:13:53,719
- I got to get out of here.
- I want to go, too. I got a work thing.
338
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,839
- Well, I got a girl thing, dude.
- Work trumps girls.
339
00:13:55,858 --> 00:13:57,652
Girls are replaceable.
Jobs are forever.
340
00:13:57,683 --> 00:13:59,930
I bet I get left with the fare.
I just bet...
341
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,710
Hey, driver, let me
just ask you something.
342
00:14:01,744 --> 00:14:03,475
Do you like strippers?
343
00:14:03,563 --> 00:14:05,668
Do you also like the
deal of a lifetime?
344
00:14:05,694 --> 00:14:07,382
I wanted to leave first.
345
00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:10,295
I've been saying that the whole night,
and none of you guys can stop me.
346
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,992
You think that you can...
you can...
347
00:14:13,491 --> 00:14:16,191
beat me in a physical
altercation of fisticuffs?
348
00:14:16,244 --> 00:14:18,376
I will beat you in a way
349
00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:21,301
that you've never
been beaten before.
350
00:14:22,359 --> 00:14:23,522
Ooh.
351
00:14:23,548 --> 00:14:24,447
Damn it!
352
00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:27,736
- You got hit in the face, son.
- Hit me again.
353
00:14:28,071 --> 00:14:31,309
'Cause I swear you'll be...
I'll be...
354
00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:34,906
Loosen up your neck so I can put you
into the headlock of a lifetime.
355
00:14:34,956 --> 00:14:36,731
Guys, it's escalating, look!
356
00:14:36,763 --> 00:14:40,913
- I'm a cop, pew, pew, pew.
- No, no, no, no, no.
357
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,997
Thanks for the ride, Artie.
358
00:14:43,613 --> 00:14:45,863
Bathroom's down the hall. It's
the one with the urinals.
359
00:14:45,881 --> 00:14:47,527
I do live with men.
360
00:14:47,575 --> 00:14:49,296
Nay, boys.
361
00:14:52,095 --> 00:14:55,440
Look, if he can pee in Brazil,
he can pee at my house.
362
00:14:55,443 --> 00:14:57,047
- Do you actually like this guy?
- What?
363
00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:59,332
No, no.
364
00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:03,790
Nick couldn't call me his
girlfriend, and that hurt.
365
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:07,567
Now I want to hurt him
back with some long,
366
00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:09,566
hot conversation.
367
00:15:09,578 --> 00:15:11,472
- That's what you really want to do?
- Yes.
368
00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:14,490
- Men suck, remember?
- I'm sorry about saying that,
369
00:15:14,515 --> 00:15:16,715
because I put that
on you, all right?
370
00:15:16,728 --> 00:15:20,171
That's because I'm going through
something right now with Schmidt.
371
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,428
- You have Nick.
- Nick's a child
372
00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:24,224
who drinks on Tuesdays.
373
00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:26,229
You're drinking on a Tuesday
and you are a teacher.
374
00:15:26,248 --> 00:15:28,839
Those kids are watching
a movie tomorrow.
375
00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:30,956
Look, Nick doesn't
have a life plan.
376
00:15:30,986 --> 00:15:32,529
He doesn't have a day plan.
377
00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:36,715
I once found a note he wrote to
himself that said "Put on pants"
378
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,111
followed by a question mark.
379
00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:41,638
That means it read,
"Put on pants?"
380
00:15:41,661 --> 00:15:44,797
Also, he throws
pizza at seagulls,
381
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:49,294
which I guess is kind of nice
because he's trying to feed them.
382
00:15:50,348 --> 00:15:52,940
And he's a really,
383
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:55,101
really great kisser.
384
00:15:55,156 --> 00:15:57,657
You have something really good.
385
00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:03,073
Just go get Artie and tell
him to leave, all right?
386
00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:05,114
Can you just get Derek?!
387
00:16:05,139 --> 00:16:05,954
Hey! Hey!
388
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:08,593
He's gonna get the whole precinct!
This is a high-income area.
389
00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:09,860
They're very bored in there.
390
00:16:10,955 --> 00:16:13,594
Oh, my goodness, this jacket
smells like gasoline.
391
00:16:14,077 --> 00:16:15,816
Guys, come on.
392
00:16:16,118 --> 00:16:18,367
Come on, man, we're
too old for this.
393
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,256
- We're too old for this whole night.
- What?
394
00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:23,880
Life changes. You
got to grow up.
395
00:16:23,906 --> 00:16:27,108
I did. I'm in a relationship,
and I'm happy.
396
00:16:27,171 --> 00:16:30,771
- Schmidt moved out of the loft,
and he's happy. - I'm miserable!
397
00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:32,612
- It's your fault.
- What are you talking about?
398
00:16:32,631 --> 00:16:34,429
I'm in a vacancy room!
399
00:16:34,448 --> 00:16:36,993
- A room of vacancy! Empty nest!
- By choice! By choice!
400
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:38,662
Let me tell you something,
when I'm done with you,
401
00:16:38,677 --> 00:16:41,719
your face is gonna look all melted like
the president at the end of Raiders.
402
00:16:41,736 --> 00:16:43,535
He wasn't a president!
You saw a different movie
403
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,551
- than everybody else in the world!
- I'll kill you!
404
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:47,084
- He wasn't a president.
- Guys, guys!
405
00:16:47,096 --> 00:16:48,496
Kick you in the butt!
406
00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:50,362
- Don't! You touched my penis!
- Hey, hey!
407
00:16:50,386 --> 00:16:52,978
- Don't touch my penis!
- Stop! Stop it!
408
00:16:53,135 --> 00:16:54,523
- You just touched my penis!
- Hey! Hey!
409
00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:56,243
You touched my...
410
00:16:57,463 --> 00:16:58,737
You guys, grow up!
411
00:16:58,754 --> 00:17:01,660
- You grow up. Grow up!
- Coach? What are you doing here?
412
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:07,285
- Is this about Malia?
- Yeah, it's about Malia.
413
00:17:13,762 --> 00:17:15,260
Take care of her, man.
414
00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:18,150
Yeah, I will.
415
00:17:18,935 --> 00:17:20,473
I'm a cop,
416
00:17:20,513 --> 00:17:22,147
not some drunk loser.
417
00:17:22,732 --> 00:17:24,549
Get out of here.
418
00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:31,190
Should we grow up
tomorrow night?
419
00:17:32,908 --> 00:17:34,071
Yeah.
420
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,138
Muscle time!
421
00:17:35,169 --> 00:17:36,969
- Get on the ground!
- Muscle time!
422
00:17:37,094 --> 00:17:38,783
- I'm a cop!
- Back up!
423
00:17:38,813 --> 00:17:40,863
- I got a badge and a gun!
- Arrest me, dude!
424
00:17:41,348 --> 00:17:43,161
He's got backup! Go! Go!
425
00:17:43,181 --> 00:17:44,681
- Go! Go!
- Go!
426
00:17:45,703 --> 00:17:47,153
Serpentine!
427
00:17:47,763 --> 00:17:49,164
Serpentine!
428
00:17:54,884 --> 00:17:57,242
Artie, I have to hit the hay.
429
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,956
- Oh, dear!
- Don't worry.
430
00:18:02,987 --> 00:18:05,183
I'm gonna make you
coffee in the morning.
431
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:14,486
It's been a really great evening,
what a treat it's been,
432
00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:16,942
but I think somewhere
along the way,
433
00:18:16,993 --> 00:18:18,618
some signals got crossed.
434
00:18:18,643 --> 00:18:20,664
Signals could not have
been any clearer.
435
00:18:20,993 --> 00:18:22,439
Come on in.
436
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:24,683
The water's warm.
437
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:28,968
- Are you splashing me?
- I'm fixing to mix you up.
438
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,534
Seriously?
439
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:32,611
Oh, men are such dicks.
440
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,544
All right, guys, second wind.
441
00:18:39,673 --> 00:18:42,057
You got an old TV?
Let's throw it off the roof.
442
00:18:42,099 --> 00:18:44,402
Come on, you're
crashing with me.
443
00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:47,641
And you, go talk to
your girlfriend.
444
00:18:47,936 --> 00:18:49,370
Thanks.
445
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,314
Hey, it was a fun night.
446
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,048
- All right, guys.
- Let's go, Shrimp Forks.
447
00:18:54,068 --> 00:18:56,554
Coach, Shrimp Forks?
448
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:59,800
Come on, man, that makes no sense.
I played professional basketball.
449
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,355
You got to stop calling me that.
450
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:02,900
I'm sorry, man.
451
00:19:03,485 --> 00:19:05,494
Hop along, Bunny Money.
452
00:19:05,619 --> 00:19:06,943
Better than Shrimp Forks.
453
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,368
- I'll take that.
- Fantastic. It only cost you $2,000.
454
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:11,803
It did, didn't it?
455
00:19:11,825 --> 00:19:15,748
The Brazilians have the same word
for making love to one woman
456
00:19:15,932 --> 00:19:18,367
as they do for
making love to two.
457
00:19:19,353 --> 00:19:21,387
Mah-gaa-leesh.
458
00:19:22,756 --> 00:19:24,244
Take off your tops
and say it with me.
459
00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:25,198
Jess!
460
00:19:25,549 --> 00:19:26,991
Oh, my God, that's Nick!
461
00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:30,276
Okay, okay, you-you just get him dressed.
I will stall Nick.
462
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,482
- I am really good at this kind of thing.
- Oh, my God.
463
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,187
Nick, hey, great.
464
00:19:35,211 --> 00:19:36,883
I've been wanting to talk to you
about this side table.
465
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,958
What kind of wood is it made out of?
Jess, I failed!
466
00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:40,527
Jess.
467
00:19:41,783 --> 00:19:43,501
Welcome, brother.
468
00:19:43,713 --> 00:19:44,983
Oh, my God.
469
00:19:44,998 --> 00:19:48,292
Nick, I can't imagine what you
must be thinking right now.
470
00:19:48,583 --> 00:19:50,374
Actually, I can. This is
your worst nightmare.
471
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,933
There's a very good-looking man
in my bed, and he's naked,
472
00:19:52,964 --> 00:19:54,708
and I'm flushed,
and I'm flustered.
473
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:58,040
I might as well just spray paint
"Jay Cutler sucks" on the wall
474
00:19:58,052 --> 00:19:59,653
and just round
out the whole image, right?
475
00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:05,587
But, Nick, nothing happened, and
nothing was ever going to happen,
476
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:08,420
and you have to believe me,
please.
477
00:20:08,872 --> 00:20:11,463
Say you believe me, please.
478
00:20:16,067 --> 00:20:17,770
I believe you.
479
00:20:21,963 --> 00:20:24,357
Do you have any questions?
480
00:20:24,709 --> 00:20:26,509
Do you want me to
have questions?
481
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:27,983
Well...
482
00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:29,877
Hey, Artie?
483
00:20:31,151 --> 00:20:34,574
I'm gonna need you to get out
of my girlfriend's bed, man.
484
00:20:35,729 --> 00:20:41,603
Well, uh, I'm naked and-and in bed, and
you're fully clothed and standing,
485
00:20:41,628 --> 00:20:44,430
so I mean, I hardly think
this would be a fair fight.
486
00:20:44,464 --> 00:20:46,627
Well, I'd like it
to be a fair fight.
487
00:20:48,495 --> 00:20:51,712
- Thank God for snaps.
- Men are so weird.
488
00:20:51,731 --> 00:20:54,281
I must warn you,
489
00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:56,610
while spending time in Brazil...
490
00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,982
Let get situated first before
we get into this thing.
491
00:20:58,999 --> 00:21:00,767
Oh, my God!
492
00:21:02,590 --> 00:21:04,371
- Bye-bye.
- Don't die, big guy.
493
00:21:05,393 --> 00:21:07,242
- Hey.
- Hey.
494
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:11,101
- You called me your girlfriend.
- Did I? I don't remember.
495
00:21:14,967 --> 00:21:16,556
Where's Winston with the food?
496
00:21:16,639 --> 00:21:18,441
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
497
00:21:18,466 --> 00:21:21,232
It was crazy at the V-Rab.
Bachelor party season.
498
00:21:21,255 --> 00:21:23,441
- I got a deep-dish gyrator, no mushrooms.
- That's me.
499
00:21:23,453 --> 00:21:25,478
Don't call it V-Rab.
500
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,658
- Please.
- I got the main stage fish tacos.
501
00:21:28,676 --> 00:21:30,357
No regrets. Great order.
502
00:21:30,382 --> 00:21:31,863
Pour some sugar on meatballs?
503
00:21:31,886 --> 00:21:33,645
Oh, that's me. Thank you.
504
00:21:33,677 --> 00:21:37,215
Let's see, and I got the short
stack ass-clap pancakes.
505
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,640
You want to switch?
506
00:21:40,071 --> 00:21:42,315
- Schmidt, you want a taco?
- No, I'm gonna take one of Winston's.
507
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,340
- Take it if you want it, dude.
- I was just thinking maybe-
508
00:21:44,352 --> 00:21:46,255
maybe you guys could
chip in a little bit.
509
00:21:46,667 --> 00:21:49,217
- 'Cause it was expensive.
- You want one of Winston's tacos?
510
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:53,019
I'll take 50 cents on the dollar,
I really would. I really would.
511
00:21:53,943 --> 00:21:55,352
Please?
512
00:21:55,636 --> 00:22:00,636
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther