1 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,911 Previously on In Treatment. 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,670 I'm trying to make this work. 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,153 I wanna make this work. 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,919 You don't know anything. You don't know me at all. 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,190 - I've done terrible things. - It was an accident. 6 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,800 Really terrible things. I had sex with Ben. 7 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,433 My worst nightmare. 8 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,393 It's happened and I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 9 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,716 You said after your father died, your mother never forgave you. 10 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,194 Maybe you've never forgiven yourself, Amy. 11 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,277 Maybe you feel that if you degrade yourself enough, 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,709 someday somebody will forgive you. 13 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,119 What do you see in me? 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,798 How could you possibly be with me? 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,034 I loved you. 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,991 Loved. 17 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,508 (Paul) Hey. Hey, Max, don't dump that stuff on the staircase. 18 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,836 Call Devinn and get that reading assignment, OK? 19 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:08,238 (Exhales) 20 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,712 - Hey, how'd he do? - Good. They're a pretty good team. 21 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,238 I'm glad you went. 22 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,431 - It was fun. - Paul, could you do me a favour? 23 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,438 Close the door. I want to talk to you about something. 24 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:39,269 Uh, I left Gina a message today and... 25 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:40,912 I told her that... 26 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,430 I won't be going back to therapy any more. 27 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,678 You and I, we can go back and forth forever about 28 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:51,393 where our problems started and... 29 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,392 who did what to whom, who's more to blame. 30 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,590 I can't do that any more. 31 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,314 I need to figure... 32 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,998 this out, 33 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,600 and I think I need to do that on my own. 34 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,871 OK. 35 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,840 I'm really happy that you're seeing Gina. 36 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,310 And I really hope it can help you. 37 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,797 (Door closes) 38 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,996 - (Paul) Is Amy joining us today? - No, I don't think so. 39 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,672 OK. 40 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,995 So, what's been up with you, Jake? 41 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,318 Well, it's been a pretty weird week since we saw you last, Paul. 44 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,829 who somehow seems really relaxed and at ease. 45 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,231 (Laughs) He's such a funny kid. Man, I wish you could meet him. He... 46 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,596 He was telling us this joke the other day about these, uh... 47 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:44,030 these two cannibals that eat a clown. 48 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:48,039 And one cannibal turns to the other and says... 49 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,275 "Does this taste funny to you?" 50 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,356 (Both laugh) 51 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,393 Anyway, Amy and I are laughing despite ourselves. 52 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,032 It was very surreal. 53 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,638 (Paul) Mm. 54 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:05,071 Kids do that when they sense tension. They try to get the parents to come together. 55 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,352 You're probably right, but he shouldn't have to do it. It's not fair. 56 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,755 You're right. It's not fair. 57 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,312 (Sighs) 58 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,392 Amy's been trying to reach out to me this week and... 59 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,035 you know, make it all OK, the whole Ben thing, 60 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,719 but how can you make up for something like that? 61 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,548 To tell you the truth, it's pretty sad watching her try. 62 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,636 When Lenny fell asleep the other night, 63 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,036 she ran around the house, pretending to be busy with house shit, 64 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,197 which she never does, just trying to run into me. 65 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,392 At one point we were really close together in the kitchen 66 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,431 and she tried to kiss me. 67 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,351 And I just... 68 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,277 What? 69 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,072 Just couldn't do it. 70 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,509 I wasn't into it. My heart wasn't there. 71 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,152 Mm. 72 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,237 Yeah... it can be hard to relate to somebody... 73 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,717 - after something like an affair. - Yeah, you're telling me. 74 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,557 Bizarre. 75 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,679 Late that night, she had... 76 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,359 fallen asleep watching TV and I just... 77 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,237 I just stood there looking at her. 78 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,150 How did you feel? 79 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,316 Well, she sleeps with her both hands 80 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,511 tucked under her cheek like in those kid books. 81 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,836 You know, the way they draw the angels sleeping. 82 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,397 She didn't look like a woman who had just fucked some other guy. 83 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,234 She looked really beautiful. 84 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,113 And I was thinking how easy it would be to just... 85 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,675 lay down next to her and put my arms around her and... 86 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,676 But you didn't? 87 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,472 No, I couldn't. 88 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:03,708 I just remembered how easily she could chip away at me and lure me back in. 89 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,354 So I jumped in my car and I got the fuck out of there. 90 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,119 - In the middle of the night? - Yeah, that's right. 91 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,353 Where'd you go? 92 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,233 I thought of going to Elliot's, but he had a date. 93 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:18,751 I didn't want to walk in on anything, it's been about six years since the guy got laid, 94 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,870 so I just kept driving. 95 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,956 And I ended up at my parents' house. 96 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,669 (Laughs) 97 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,474 The kicker is they live about four hours away in Virginia. 98 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,239 It was too early when I got there to ring the doorbell, 99 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,238 so I just sat out front in my car and fell asleep. 100 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,629 How often do you see them, your parents? 101 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,229 Mom comes to see Lenny pretty frequently, every couple of months. 102 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:45,239 Maybe we go out there for the holidays a couple of times a year, not much more. 103 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,669 Is your father close to Lenny? 104 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,315 Is my father close to Lenny? That's a good question. I... I mean, I think so. 105 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,590 They spend time together, Lenny likes him. 106 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:58,350 But it always feels finite, I can't help but get the feeling that he leaves him hanging, 107 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,951 like he's spent a few minutes with the neighbour's grandchild and it's time to go. 108 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,231 My dad, being the narcissist that he is, is oblivious to it. 109 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,430 Has Lenny said anything to you about it? 110 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,110 No. He seems fine with it, so who knows? Maybe I'm just seeing things. 111 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,472 Mm. 112 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,190 I was asleep in the car outside their house 113 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,074 and all of a sudden there's this knock on the window and it wakes me up. 114 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,873 And it's a cop. And who's the cop? 115 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,077 Mike Garnett. 116 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:36,716 Went to school with me, wanted to be a cop since the first grade and now that's what he is. 117 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,228 It's really funny. He fulfilled his childhood dream. 118 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:44,193 I don't think I know anyone who became what they wanted to be as a kid. 119 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,154 When I was growing up, in the wintertime there was this guy, um, 120 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,749 and he would come over with his chainsaw and would swing from tree to tree 121 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,394 cutting branches before they froze and fell off, 122 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,874 like a fucking monkey, it was unbelievable. 123 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:02,675 And he was the only guy I knew who my father didn't tell how to do his job. 124 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,752 That's who I wanted to be. 125 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,672 Mm. 126 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,678 The old man, he's such a know-it-all. 127 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,474 The funny part is, though, he does know it all. 128 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,670 He can tell you the exchange rate for a Guyanese dollar, 129 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:30,430 how to cook a freshwater salmon in a clay oven or the history of the silk worm. 130 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,552 - What, does he write encyclopaedias? - You'd think, right? 131 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,511 No, he's a college professor. 132 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,916 My mom too. Intellectuals. Big readers, unlike me. 133 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:43,238 I don't read. I don't think I've read a book since I left high school. 134 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,192 Does that mean you don't or you won't? 135 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,680 - I haven't. - Really? 136 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,678 I remember once I misquoted Roland Barthes 137 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,599 and you corrected me, where did that come from? 138 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,359 I grew up in a household where everyone was reading. 139 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,598 That shit was everywhere. Any parrot could pick it up and spit it back verbatim. 140 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,792 That's what happens when your dad is an emeritus professor of Renaissance studies 141 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,992 and your mother teaches classics, Greek and Hebrew. 142 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,430 But I don't read. I mean not literally. Obviously I read. 143 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:19,359 I mean, read music or manuals or headlines, but I just... 144 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,953 I don't know. I'm not like them. 145 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,077 I do kick ass at crossword puzzles, though. 146 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,156 - You do those? - I'm not very good. 147 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,234 Sunday New York Times crossword does me in every week. 148 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,350 Yeah, it's a tough one. 149 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:47,189 You know, to do crossword puzzles, you need to have an extensive vocabulary. 150 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,272 It's hard to reconcile the idea of somebody who doesn't read 151 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,311 with somebody who is good at crosswords. 152 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:58,036 There's nothing to reconcile. I'm good at it and reading makes me restless and bored. 153 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,470 So did you acquire your love of crosswords from your parents? 154 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,795 Not really. My mom's all right at them. 155 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,871 My dad sucks. 156 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:15,477 So what did you do as a kid when everybody else was doing all this reading? 157 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:20,435 I don't know. Play guitar, collect baseball cards, smoke pot. 158 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,155 - Did that get you into trouble? - Not really. Nobody noticed. 159 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,839 - Nobody noticed that you got high? - No. 160 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,678 - So who were you getting high with? - Myself, mostly. 161 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,631 Mm. 162 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,877 So would you say that you had a Ionely childhood? 163 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,150 Nah. Why? 164 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,033 It was OK. I talked to myself a lot. 165 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,756 You know what one of my favourite things in the world is? 166 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,233 Talking to Lenny. 167 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:54,151 And we talk about anything, but mainly we talk about sports. 168 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,475 And he can just go off. 169 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,556 Aluminium bats versus wood... 170 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,910 Fuck, anything. The kid has a brain like a computer. 171 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,757 He's not even ten and he can list off 172 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,759 all of Boog Powell's stats from the 1970 World Series. 173 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,552 (Chuckles) 174 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:15,149 That's just amazing to me. I never get tired of hearing that little fucker talk. 175 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,271 You get like that with your kids? 176 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,629 Not so much any more because they're older, 177 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,956 but with my, uh, youngest, yeah, still do. 178 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,956 - And how old is he? - He's, uh, nine. 179 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,399 Just like Lenny. 180 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,908 Did you have that relationship with your father? 181 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,839 No, I avoided talking to my father when I was a kid. 182 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,711 It just wasn't worth it. 183 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,833 He was the kind of guy who would wince if you said "sure" instead of "surely". 184 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,557 - Did you find it easier to talk to your mom? - She wasn't as bad, 185 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,512 but what was frustrating was... 186 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,676 she would always defer to him on everything. 187 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,395 It was like she saw him as this hotshot at another level from everyone. 188 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,159 He got tenure at 33 and it just wouldn't occur to her 189 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,668 to have an opinion different from his - than his. 190 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:02,077 If you were him, you would have corrected me on my grammar. If you were he. 191 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:11,199 Hey, they didn't beat me, right? It could've been a hell of a lot worse. 192 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:15,870 That's true. It doesn't... It doesn't mean it wasn't difficult. 193 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,590 - So when did you start to write? - I don't. 194 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,074 My brother Nathan is the writer. He's a novelist. 195 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,954 He was just short-listed for some prize last year, some big national award. 196 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,798 I can't remember the name. I'm sure my parents remember. 197 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:32,197 But you're a writer too. Or don't you consider songwriting to be writing? 198 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,958 No, sure, I do. 199 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,992 Some of my favourite writers are actually songwriters. 200 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,634 People like Dylan, Cohen, John Lennon. 201 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,911 I agree with you. I would put Dylan on par with Walt Whitman, 202 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,349 Ezra Pound, Langston Hughes. 203 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,789 Just try telling that to my family. 204 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,593 You know, for somebody who... who's not a great reader, 205 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,632 you seem to be pretty familiar with great poets. 206 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,638 Nobody's really familiar with Pound. They just fake it. 207 00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:58,999 (Chuckles) 208 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,517 (Both chuckle) 209 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:06,793 But I get the feeling that you like to play down your knowledge, your intelligence. 210 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:12,235 I... I don't know. It's just my folks' world. I guess some of it's rubbed off on me. 211 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,111 But it's just not me. 212 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,994 Did your parents ever express an interest in what you might do for a living? 213 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,032 My dad probably wanted me to be some kind of academic. 214 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,753 It's the family business, after all. 215 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,792 But what did he expect? I don't know. 216 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,834 I think he gave up the dream on me pretty early after I flunked out of high school. 217 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,873 Which came first, your father's low expectations or your low grades? 218 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,911 - What do you mean? - Often with expectations, 219 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,269 there's a self-fulfilling prophecy. 220 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,750 Maybe you decided that you couldn't match up to his expectations 221 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,360 - and so you gave up trying. - Could be. 222 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,198 My mom was always trying to get me interested. 223 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,800 She'd help me study for tests on the sly. 224 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,990 - On the sly? - Yeah, it pissed my dad off. 225 00:13:56,160 --> 00:14:00,756 He thought she was spoon-feeding me things I should've figured out by myself. 226 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,268 And she was terrified he'd find out. 227 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:07,279 Was she... generally intimidated by him? 228 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,118 "You're so right, Abe. I never looked at it that way, Abe." 229 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,310 Yeah, it made me want to scream. 230 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,952 One thing you can say about me, Paul, is I sure as hell didn't marry my mother. 231 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:24,516 You mean you didn't marry a woman who was intimidated by you. 232 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,195 So, how do your parents feel about Amy? 233 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,277 She's a successful businesswoman, she's got an MBA. 234 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,153 They fucking love that she went to grad school. 235 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:43,716 Their high-school dropout of a son married a hotshot businesswoman. 236 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:50,754 It's interesting you use the same word to describe your father also - "hotshot." 237 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,519 Do you think that they're alike in other ways? 238 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,028 They're not. They're total opposites. 239 00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:01,518 He's all rumpled corduroy, stains on his shirt, and she's, well... 240 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,872 Hell, you know what Amy is - meticulous, put together, very materialistic. 241 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,309 She loves her stuff, huh? 242 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:13,559 You know, when we met, I was crashing in this crappy apartment over a garage. 243 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,919 I think it turned her on. 244 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:21,154 And the woman had never fucked on a bed without a box spring, and she liked it. 245 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:26,115 You know, coming down from her pedestal, hang with the riffraff. 246 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,912 Did you feel like your father was also on a pedestal? 247 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,714 Come on, Paul. Let's get off this, all right? This is not why I'm here. 248 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,676 I don't have that many people to talk to right now. 249 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,592 And I'm scared shitless of losing Lenny in some custody battle. 250 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:07,278 Amy's... unstable. This is the second time she's getting a divorce after having an affair, 251 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,515 and I think she's gonna fuck him up. 252 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:14,509 You said yourself she needs losers around. I think she's gonna teach him to be a loser. 253 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,949 She's damaged, Paul. 254 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,513 She's fucked up. 255 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,476 I haven't gotten much right in my life except that kid and that kid is... 256 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,032 What the fuck? 257 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,840 Did you not pay your electric bill or something? 258 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,677 Uh, looks like it's out in the entire street. 259 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,876 - You want to go on? - I can see you fine. 260 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,319 You sure? 261 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,469 For the first time, Paul... 262 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,030 it really feels like we're splitting up. 263 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,908 No matter how many times we've talked about it or... 264 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,474 brought it up, it's never felt so... 265 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,078 real. 266 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,474 Why do you think it feels different this time? 267 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,991 The last time you were here, you... 268 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,510 you implied that you'd fallen out of love with Amy. 269 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,636 Would you still say that's true? 270 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,638 I don't know. How would I know? What does it feel like? 271 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,274 I've only been in love with one girl. Her. 272 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:02,155 I've never fallen out of love. Tell me what it feels like and I'll tell you if I'm feeling it. 273 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,236 Have you ever felt it? 274 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,870 There's a huge sadness there... 275 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,751 cos you know what's been lost. 276 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:19,272 And you begin to lose the desire to... 277 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,831 connect. 278 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:30,716 Maybe you should ask your father. He's the guy who knows everything, right? 279 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,357 Did I tell you what he said when I told him my marriage was over? 280 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,834 "Well, this isn't entirely unexpected, is it?" 281 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,516 He expects me to fail 282 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,313 every time, at everything. 283 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,157 Why did you go home, Jake? 284 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:54,999 I don't know. It was an accident. I started driving and that's where I ended up. 285 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:59,113 Mm. This is therapy. We don't believe in "accidents" here. 286 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:07,595 All right, fine. I mean, I'm about to be a single dad. Maybe I, uh... 287 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,510 Maybe I just felt like I wanted to talk to my mom. 288 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,278 Or your dad? 289 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,949 Have you been listening to a word I say? I can't fucking stand my father. 290 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:28,677 It's interesting that you used the same word to describe Amy and your father, hotshot, 291 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,439 but you insist that they're nothing like each other. 292 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,675 They're not. Where are you going with this? 293 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,190 Look, you married an intelligent, over-achieving woman, 294 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:42,678 who seems absolutely certain of her authority in the world. 295 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,679 And the criticism and disappointment that you got from your father... 296 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,315 don't you feel that that's what you get from Amy? 297 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,438 Your relationship with Amy is falling apart, so you drive for four hours to Virginia 298 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,711 and you find yourself by accident 299 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,638 outside your father's house? 300 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,599 You think I was going back to the source. 301 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,598 Jesus, that's sick. 302 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:34,670 It's not sick, Jake. The more we open ourselves to the therapeutic process, 303 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,393 - the more we can examine... - More therapy? 304 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,398 I need that like I need a hole in my head. 305 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,192 Do you know what? 306 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,791 Who cares why I went home that night? 307 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,389 What does it matter how my parents talk at the fucking dinner table? 308 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:55,275 I have learned from my father's mistakes. I'm a much better father than he is. 309 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,553 I don't want to fuck it up, Paul. 310 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,239 I don't want to fuck my kid up. 311 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,398 I need... 312 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,631 I need their help. 313 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,671 I need your help. 314 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,149 I need help, all the help I can get. 315 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,755 What's the road map, you know? 316 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,271 I feel scared. 317 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,515 You know, I wish I could say it was that simple, Jake. 318 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:05,272 That I could just give you a... a road map, a book of instructions but... 319 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,993 unfortunately, life isn't like that. 320 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,188 But you know that old saying that 321 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,755 a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step? 322 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:24,953 Yeah. Or in my case, two steps up and one step back. 323 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,112 (Exhales) 324 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,150 You know, if this was a movie... 325 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,911 the lights would come on right now. 326 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:52,999 If this were a movie. 327 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,197 Were a movie. 328 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:29,629 English SDH