1 00:00:01,516 --> 00:00:02,950 (upbeat march plays) 2 00:00:02,984 --> 00:00:05,686 ♪ Good morning, USA! 3 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,590 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 4 00:00:09,624 --> 00:00:12,559 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 5 00:00:12,594 --> 00:00:16,997 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 6 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:22,269 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 7 00:00:22,303 --> 00:00:24,271 ♪ Good... ♪ Good morning, USA 8 00:00:24,305 --> 00:00:25,806 Aah! 9 00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:32,360 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 10 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,348 STEVE: Radishes are looking healthy. 11 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:38,585 Strawberries have their seeds on the outside. That's good. 12 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,787 Zucchini appropriately phallic... 13 00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:43,323 inducing slight feelings of inadequacy. 14 00:00:43,358 --> 00:00:45,993 What the...! These tomatoes are mired in the dirt! 15 00:00:46,027 --> 00:00:48,195 They're-they're in danger of getting ground rot! 16 00:00:48,229 --> 00:00:49,696 They look okay to me. 17 00:00:49,731 --> 00:00:52,266 The day "okay" is good enough for this garden club 18 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,668 is the day I resign as its president! 19 00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:56,303 We're co-presidents, Steve. 20 00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:58,138 Then start acting like it! 21 00:00:58,172 --> 00:01:00,107 Oh, what nice tomatoes. 22 00:01:00,141 --> 00:01:02,542 No, Mom, they're not. 23 00:01:02,577 --> 00:01:04,544 (quietly): What are you doing here? 24 00:01:04,579 --> 00:01:07,414 You're making me look uncool in front of the garden club! 25 00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:10,183 Gardening? Steve, that's one of my four things! 26 00:01:10,218 --> 00:01:13,520 And you and I haven't really done anything together in a while. 27 00:01:13,554 --> 00:01:15,856 Can I join? Gardening is about creating 28 00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:18,825 something from nothing and watching it grow. 29 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:21,595 What would you know about that, Mother? 30 00:01:21,629 --> 00:01:22,930 Pfft! 31 00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:24,665 Anyway... 32 00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:27,401 if we intend to have gazpacho for Arbor Day, 33 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,603 we're gonna need a tomato cage, stat. 34 00:01:29,637 --> 00:01:31,371 To the gardening store! 35 00:01:31,406 --> 00:01:33,607 Ooh, maybe I could drive you. 36 00:01:34,642 --> 00:01:36,877 We could play car bingo! 37 00:01:36,911 --> 00:01:39,279 I'll let you smoke! 38 00:01:39,314 --> 00:01:41,515 (finishing lively song) 39 00:01:41,549 --> 00:01:43,350 I got to say, I'm all a-tither 40 00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:45,519 for our big performance. I know, right? 41 00:01:45,553 --> 00:01:48,355 Russian balalaika trios are gonna be the next big thing, 42 00:01:48,389 --> 00:01:51,291 and we'll be at the forefront, raking in the rubles. 43 00:01:51,326 --> 00:01:52,859 Then where's our audience? 44 00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:54,494 Relax. People will show. 45 00:01:54,529 --> 00:01:56,463 I mean, we're the only game in town, right? 46 00:01:56,497 --> 00:01:59,866 I mean, it's not like there's anyone else in Langley Falls working their asses off 47 00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:03,870 to keep alive the orchestral folk traditions of tsarist Russia! 48 00:02:03,905 --> 00:02:07,174 Just made my own sandwich for the first time. 49 00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,476 Awful. Just awful. 50 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:10,711 Mm. Mm. 51 00:02:10,745 --> 00:02:12,312 Oh, oh, oh, God. 52 00:02:12,347 --> 00:02:13,747 (sighs) 53 00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:15,115 What's your drama, Mama? 54 00:02:15,149 --> 00:02:17,985 Steve doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. 55 00:02:18,019 --> 00:02:20,320 We used to have so much in common, 56 00:02:20,355 --> 00:02:22,789 but now... Oh, it's all perfectly natural. 57 00:02:22,824 --> 00:02:25,926 Steve is becoming a man, and one aspect of being a man 58 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,195 is having absolutely no interest in women. 59 00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:30,030 (groans) I suppose you're right. 60 00:02:30,064 --> 00:02:32,332 Of course I'm right-- because I'm a man. 61 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,767 A man, Francine. 62 00:02:33,801 --> 00:02:35,802 From my head down to my low-hanging... 63 00:02:35,837 --> 00:02:38,805 (amplified heartbeat) 64 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,807 (quiet crunching) 65 00:02:40,842 --> 00:02:42,376 Ooh! 66 00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,811 Stan! Are you okay? 67 00:02:44,846 --> 00:02:47,414 (siren wailing) 68 00:02:47,448 --> 00:02:50,317 (whistles) This is some thick-ass gauge wire. 69 00:02:50,351 --> 00:02:51,718 We're buying it. 70 00:02:51,753 --> 00:02:53,220 Barry, hand over the money. 71 00:02:53,254 --> 00:02:54,621 I don't have any money. 72 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,056 But you're the treasurer. 73 00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,759 We-we gave you all of our club funds to manage. 74 00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:02,562 I spent it all on dance moves! 75 00:03:02,597 --> 00:03:04,231 Jealous? 76 00:03:04,265 --> 00:03:05,832 A little. 77 00:03:05,867 --> 00:03:07,367 (sighing): Aw, great. 78 00:03:07,402 --> 00:03:09,469 Well, we need this cage. 79 00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:13,206 So I guess we have no choice but to steal it. 80 00:03:17,345 --> 00:03:20,847 Okay, so Toshi's in, I'm in. You guys in? 81 00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:24,518 Okay, but how are we gonna do it? 82 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,220 (fierce yelling) 83 00:03:31,859 --> 00:03:33,860 That was awesome! 84 00:03:33,895 --> 00:03:36,196 What a rush! I'm shaking. 85 00:03:36,230 --> 00:03:37,898 I want to rip something off! 86 00:03:37,932 --> 00:03:39,232 No, me! 87 00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:40,500 In time, fellows. 88 00:03:40,535 --> 00:03:41,935 But you're just beginners, 89 00:03:41,969 --> 00:03:44,905 so we need to find a place that's easy to steal from. 90 00:03:44,939 --> 00:03:46,273 Hmm... 91 00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:52,879 I don't get it. 92 00:03:52,914 --> 00:03:54,114 Why didn't people come? 93 00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:56,450 We had 45 maybes on our Evites. 94 00:03:56,484 --> 00:03:58,318 Hayley, "maybe" means no. 95 00:03:58,352 --> 00:04:01,121 The only place that "maybe" means maybe is sex. 96 00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:02,989 Maybe. 97 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,060 Okay, I'll bite. 98 00:04:07,095 --> 00:04:09,262 What's up with the gyroscope on his junk? 99 00:04:09,297 --> 00:04:11,498 Stan was... injured 100 00:04:11,532 --> 00:04:14,334 and went into a rare condition known as... 101 00:04:14,368 --> 00:04:17,003 "testicular retreat syndrome." 102 00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:20,273 His, um... nuggs were so traumatized, 103 00:04:20,308 --> 00:04:23,076 they ran up into his body to heal. 104 00:04:23,111 --> 00:04:24,878 What? Will he be okay? 105 00:04:24,912 --> 00:04:26,313 We don't know yet. 106 00:04:26,347 --> 00:04:28,415 They might drop down again someday, 107 00:04:28,449 --> 00:04:31,084 but the doctors say there's a good chance 108 00:04:31,119 --> 00:04:33,186 they'll just die up there, 109 00:04:33,221 --> 00:04:36,189 like a gut-torn rabbit in a wooded thicket. 110 00:04:36,224 --> 00:04:37,991 Wait, hold on a second. I'm confused. 111 00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:40,827 Why the hell didn't you dicks show up to our balalaika concert?! 112 00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:43,163 (high-pitched): I've got bigger problems right now 113 00:04:43,197 --> 00:04:46,133 than supporting your commie music! 114 00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:47,467 (both laughing) 115 00:04:47,502 --> 00:04:49,936 Stop! So what if I sound a little feminine? 116 00:04:49,971 --> 00:04:52,739 Stop laughing and treat me with the respect I deserve! 117 00:04:52,773 --> 00:04:54,407 (both laughing) 118 00:04:54,442 --> 00:04:56,176 My voice is not that... 119 00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,577 (dogs barking in distance) 120 00:04:57,612 --> 00:04:59,079 ...not that high. 121 00:04:59,113 --> 00:05:00,380 (barking continues) 122 00:05:00,414 --> 00:05:02,015 It's a little higher than usual. 123 00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:04,584 (dogs barking, banging against door) 124 00:05:09,223 --> 00:05:12,192 And that, Mr. Baby, is why I vastly prefer 125 00:05:12,226 --> 00:05:15,762 a good round of marbles to these confounded video games. 126 00:05:15,796 --> 00:05:18,698 Back in my day, all we had to have fun 127 00:05:18,733 --> 00:05:21,334 was sleepy hobos and fire ants. 128 00:05:23,871 --> 00:05:26,039 Well, thanks for the trip down memory lane, 129 00:05:26,073 --> 00:05:30,177 but there's a can outside, and it's not gonna kick itself. 130 00:05:33,481 --> 00:05:35,282 (jail cell door slamming shut) 131 00:05:35,316 --> 00:05:36,783 Hold it right there, son. 132 00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:39,286 Abort! Abort! 133 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,555 What's in your pocket there? 134 00:05:43,024 --> 00:05:45,192 And how about your other pocket? 135 00:05:47,895 --> 00:05:50,197 I-I'm in a gardening club! 136 00:05:52,733 --> 00:05:54,701 (groans) There, there, sweetie. 137 00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:56,436 Hey, Stan, want me to horse whisper 138 00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:57,938 those bad boys out of there? 139 00:05:57,972 --> 00:06:00,140 (whispering inaudibly) 140 00:06:03,411 --> 00:06:04,978 Wh-What did they say? 141 00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:06,213 It's no use. 142 00:06:06,247 --> 00:06:08,048 There's no talking sense into them... 143 00:06:08,082 --> 00:06:09,349 'cause they're nuts! 144 00:06:09,383 --> 00:06:12,385 ♪ Aah! Thank you! Aah! Ha-ha! 145 00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,889 Dad, things'll turn out okay. 146 00:06:15,923 --> 00:06:19,125 Jawohl. I lost my testes when I became a fish. 147 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,428 But being a fish isn't all bad. 148 00:06:21,462 --> 00:06:24,631 Now I can write inspirational messages in the water. 149 00:06:27,235 --> 00:06:29,035 No! I'm a freak! 150 00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,404 Until my boys drop and my voice returns, 151 00:06:31,439 --> 00:06:33,873 I vow you'll never hear me speak again! 152 00:06:33,908 --> 00:06:35,375 Starting... 153 00:06:36,811 --> 00:06:38,545 (phone rings) 154 00:06:38,579 --> 00:06:39,980 Hello. 155 00:06:40,014 --> 00:06:41,915 What? Oh, no! 156 00:06:41,949 --> 00:06:43,950 I'll be right down! 157 00:06:47,221 --> 00:06:49,222 Aah! Ha-ha-ha! 158 00:06:49,257 --> 00:06:50,557 Wow! 159 00:06:50,591 --> 00:06:51,691 ♪ 160 00:06:51,726 --> 00:06:54,661 Ha! Yeah! 161 00:06:56,364 --> 00:06:59,499 Thank you for letting Steve off with just a warning, Mr. Baby. 162 00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:02,335 Well, you're lucky I'm just a mom-and-pop operation. 163 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:04,771 Technically, just a pop operation, 164 00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:07,107 since the woman I share my bed with 165 00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:09,809 is not the mother of my children, 166 00:07:09,844 --> 00:07:13,947 but a toothless candy whore who I pay in Razzles. 167 00:07:13,981 --> 00:07:15,448 But the bigger corporate stores 168 00:07:15,483 --> 00:07:17,284 won't be so forgiving with your boy. 169 00:07:17,318 --> 00:07:19,286 Oh, don't you worry. 170 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,188 Steve will learn his lesson. 171 00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:25,258 Yo, Julian, where my Razzles?! 172 00:07:30,331 --> 00:07:33,400 Damn it, woman, why won't you yell at me?! 173 00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:36,136 And what are we doing in your bedroom? 174 00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:37,570 Oh, God! 175 00:07:37,605 --> 00:07:39,572 You're gonna lock me in your closet! 176 00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:42,575 (trembles) But that's where the Blouse Monster lives! 177 00:07:43,844 --> 00:07:45,312 (mechanical whirring) 178 00:07:45,346 --> 00:07:47,814 A-A secret room? 179 00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:51,151 STEVE: What is this stuff? 180 00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:55,088 Ah, just a lot of things I've stolen over the years... 181 00:07:55,122 --> 00:07:57,424 successfully. What?! 182 00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:58,958 Don't you get it, Steve? 183 00:07:58,993 --> 00:08:01,161 I'm not angry at you for stealing. 184 00:08:01,195 --> 00:08:03,830 I'm angry that you got caught! 185 00:08:03,864 --> 00:08:05,832 Aah! Blouse Monster! 186 00:08:05,866 --> 00:08:07,734 No! I won't put you on! 187 00:08:11,223 --> 00:08:12,757 I don't understand. 188 00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:13,791 You're telling me 189 00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,202 you shoplifted all this stuff? 190 00:08:15,256 --> 00:08:16,623 And unlike you, 191 00:08:16,658 --> 00:08:19,559 I haven't gotten caught in 20 years. 192 00:08:19,594 --> 00:08:22,095 Wow, look at all these treasures. 193 00:08:23,131 --> 00:08:25,198 A ream of printer paper, 194 00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:27,034 a VHS tape rewinder, 195 00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,702 a four-pack of paint rollers. 196 00:08:28,736 --> 00:08:31,872 Huh, this all looked a lot more impressive on first glance. 197 00:08:31,906 --> 00:08:34,041 That's 'cause I give 'em all a regular spritz 198 00:08:34,075 --> 00:08:35,509 with this Sparkle Spray. 199 00:08:37,445 --> 00:08:38,712 It's so beautiful. 200 00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,514 This is all so... 201 00:08:40,548 --> 00:08:41,848 badass! 202 00:08:41,883 --> 00:08:44,351 I thought you were a typical, lame mom, 203 00:08:44,385 --> 00:08:46,453 but it turns out you're a hard-core criminal? 204 00:08:46,487 --> 00:08:49,256 A criminal is someone who gets caught, Steve. 205 00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:50,791 We're artists. 206 00:08:50,825 --> 00:08:52,392 We? That's right. 207 00:08:52,427 --> 00:08:53,960 You're my son. 208 00:08:53,995 --> 00:08:56,663 And from now on, when my son steals, 209 00:08:56,698 --> 00:08:58,565 he's gonna know how to get away with it. 210 00:09:03,671 --> 00:09:05,072 (indistinct conversations) 211 00:09:05,106 --> 00:09:06,640 I can't believe 212 00:09:06,674 --> 00:09:09,042 we're getting ready to shoplift together! 213 00:09:09,077 --> 00:09:11,678 What mother doesn't dream of this moment? 214 00:09:11,713 --> 00:09:13,380 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do this! 215 00:09:13,414 --> 00:09:15,282 Let's lift some khakis! 216 00:09:16,918 --> 00:09:18,018 The Gash? 217 00:09:18,052 --> 00:09:19,419 You can't start there. 218 00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:21,355 The security is top-notch. 219 00:09:21,389 --> 00:09:23,824 First, I have to teach you everything 220 00:09:23,858 --> 00:09:26,226 about how to work a snatch. 221 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:29,463 Please tell me we're still talking about stealing. 222 00:09:29,497 --> 00:09:32,199 ♪ Why don't we steal away? 223 00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:36,269 ♪ Why don't we steal away 224 00:09:36,304 --> 00:09:39,005 ♪ Into the night? 225 00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:42,943 ♪ I know it ain't right 226 00:09:45,646 --> 00:09:48,281 ♪ Don't tease me 227 00:09:48,316 --> 00:09:52,619 ♪ Why don't you please me? 228 00:09:53,621 --> 00:09:57,090 ♪ Then show me 229 00:09:57,125 --> 00:10:00,560 ♪ What you came here for 230 00:10:00,595 --> 00:10:03,363 ♪ Why don't we steal away? 231 00:10:04,766 --> 00:10:08,168 ♪ Why don't we steal away 232 00:10:08,202 --> 00:10:10,137 ♪ Into the night? 233 00:10:11,672 --> 00:10:14,674 ♪ I know it ain't right. 234 00:10:16,644 --> 00:10:18,645 (playing balalaika music) 235 00:10:24,419 --> 00:10:25,719 He liked it! 236 00:10:25,753 --> 00:10:26,853 Uh, not so fast. 237 00:10:26,888 --> 00:10:29,623 I think the periods imply detached sarcasm. 238 00:10:29,657 --> 00:10:30,924 Of course they do! 239 00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:32,259 The entire second verse 240 00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:33,527 you were plucking instead of plinking! 241 00:10:33,561 --> 00:10:34,795 Don't you start, fish! 242 00:10:34,829 --> 00:10:37,063 You play that gusli like a syphilitic babushka! 243 00:10:37,098 --> 00:10:38,198 Quiet! 244 00:10:38,232 --> 00:10:40,200 You're both bourgeois mediocrities. 245 00:10:40,234 --> 00:10:41,568 Wait. Where are you going? 246 00:10:41,602 --> 00:10:43,737 I don't need you two to get famous. 247 00:10:43,771 --> 00:10:44,771 Most people just come 248 00:10:44,806 --> 00:10:45,939 to hear the garmon anyway. 249 00:10:45,973 --> 00:10:47,007 Fine. 250 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,575 The mariachi band at El Compadre's 251 00:10:48,609 --> 00:10:50,043 been begging me to join 'em. 252 00:10:50,077 --> 00:10:51,144 And I'll just become 253 00:10:51,179 --> 00:10:52,646 a solo gusli sensation! 254 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,748 (laughing) 255 00:10:54,782 --> 00:10:57,818 Look who thinks he's the next Igor Kasminov. 256 00:10:57,852 --> 00:10:59,352 (gasps) That is it! 257 00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:02,556 From here on, consider this balalaika trio kaputsky! 258 00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:04,257 Fine! 259 00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:07,761 Nothing will unite us ever again! 260 00:11:07,795 --> 00:11:09,796 Presents! 261 00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:15,035 Hayley, this megaphone is the absolute top-of-the-line. 262 00:11:15,069 --> 00:11:17,003 Certain to make you the most annoying person 263 00:11:17,038 --> 00:11:18,505 at your next Occupy rally. 264 00:11:18,539 --> 00:11:20,607 Thanks, Dingus! 265 00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:24,010 Roger, I found you this limited-edition 266 00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:26,980 porcelain doll of JonBenet Ramsey... 267 00:11:27,014 --> 00:11:29,683 as an angel. 268 00:11:29,717 --> 00:11:32,886 Are you implying that there was any version of her that wasn't? 269 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,256 (crying): Oh, God, I love her so much! 270 00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:39,359 Klaus, we got you a Tiffany fishbowl. 271 00:11:39,393 --> 00:11:40,861 It's just like your regular fishbowl, 272 00:11:40,895 --> 00:11:42,629 except it's expensive for some reason. 273 00:11:42,663 --> 00:11:45,932 Whatever, as long as I have the blue box to show the girls! 274 00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:48,702 And finally, for Stan, 275 00:11:48,736 --> 00:11:51,538 a custom Rolex with a special display 276 00:11:51,572 --> 00:11:55,709 that counts down the minutes until Rachel Maddow's death! 277 00:12:01,182 --> 00:12:03,850 How did I pay for all this? 278 00:12:03,885 --> 00:12:06,820 Well... money, of course. 279 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,690 Oh, who are we kidding?! 280 00:12:10,725 --> 00:12:12,292 We lifted it! We pinched it! 281 00:12:12,326 --> 00:12:14,628 We gave it the old Zazzoo! 282 00:12:14,662 --> 00:12:16,763 (gasps) I'm assuming from context 283 00:12:16,797 --> 00:12:18,965 that old Zazzoo also means stealing. 284 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,433 Yes. (gasps) 285 00:12:20,468 --> 00:12:22,669 I can't believe what I'm hearing! 286 00:12:22,703 --> 00:12:24,871 Shoplifting? Seriously, guys? 287 00:12:24,906 --> 00:12:26,172 For shame! 288 00:12:26,207 --> 00:12:28,575 (muffled laughter) 289 00:12:28,609 --> 00:12:30,677 Francine, what are we teaching our children 290 00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:32,312 and aliens and fish? 291 00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:34,781 I may not have the authority around here I once had, 292 00:12:34,815 --> 00:12:36,650 but damn it, I still know what's right! 293 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:39,219 I'm sorry, but Rachel Maddow's death will just have 294 00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:41,254 to come as a pleasant surprise to me. 295 00:12:41,289 --> 00:12:43,757 Promise me you two will never steal again. 296 00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:46,593 Okay, Dad. I promise we'll never shoplift again. 297 00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,228 Will we, Mom? 298 00:12:48,262 --> 00:12:50,363 Okay. 299 00:12:50,398 --> 00:12:51,631 Are we done here? 300 00:12:51,666 --> 00:12:53,800 'Cause we were in the middle of a storm-off. 301 00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,969 Our balalaika trio is finished! 302 00:12:59,507 --> 00:13:01,241 Dad, are you bathing? 303 00:13:01,275 --> 00:13:03,643 'Cause it-it smells like you're... 304 00:13:03,678 --> 00:13:05,712 not bathing. 305 00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:11,418 Well, this is still fun. 306 00:13:11,452 --> 00:13:13,753 I mean, we're hanging out. 307 00:13:13,788 --> 00:13:15,021 (loud slurping through straw) 308 00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:17,791 Um, we don't have to hang out at the mall. 309 00:13:17,825 --> 00:13:19,292 We could always get a motorcycle 310 00:13:19,327 --> 00:13:22,195 with a sidecar and find lost dogs! 311 00:13:22,229 --> 00:13:24,097 Yeah. See you later, Mom. 312 00:13:24,131 --> 00:13:26,466 Wait! What if we shoplift again? 313 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:27,801 What? 314 00:13:27,835 --> 00:13:30,403 I mean... we can't go out like this. 315 00:13:30,438 --> 00:13:32,272 We got to have one final heist. 316 00:13:32,306 --> 00:13:34,207 But we promised Dad. 317 00:13:34,241 --> 00:13:36,443 Look, this isn't just any heist. 318 00:13:36,477 --> 00:13:40,547 I'm talking about hitting The Gash. 319 00:13:42,016 --> 00:13:43,783 The Gash?! 320 00:13:43,818 --> 00:13:45,251 You mean I'm finally ready? 321 00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:46,586 No, Steve. 322 00:13:46,621 --> 00:13:48,788 We're ready. 323 00:13:48,823 --> 00:13:50,290 Yeah, you're ready! 324 00:13:50,324 --> 00:13:52,325 I'm liking that confidence! 325 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,394 Anyway, what's next? 326 00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:56,196 Where we going? 327 00:13:57,798 --> 00:14:00,333 Okay, I'll create a distraction 328 00:14:00,368 --> 00:14:02,736 while you run a reverse snatch-and-grab 329 00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:04,504 down the cardigan table. 330 00:14:04,538 --> 00:14:06,706 Meet at the fountain at 2:00. 331 00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:08,541 Got it. 332 00:14:09,577 --> 00:14:11,077 Excuse me. 333 00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:14,447 I think there's something wrong with this changing room. 334 00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:16,282 (rats squeaking) (gasps) 335 00:14:16,317 --> 00:14:18,184 Oh, she is good. 336 00:14:18,219 --> 00:14:20,620 (indistinct shouting, rats squeaking) 337 00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:26,893 Huh. 338 00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:30,630 Excuse me. Have you seen my beautiful boy? 339 00:14:32,099 --> 00:14:33,633 Yeah, he was here. 340 00:14:33,668 --> 00:14:35,969 But our Loss Prevention Unit has him now. 341 00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,704 (gasping) 342 00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:40,206 (insects trilling) 343 00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:42,208 (whirring and dinging) Aah! 344 00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:43,410 Hi there, shoplifter! 345 00:14:43,444 --> 00:14:44,911 Welcome to The Gash... 346 00:14:44,945 --> 00:14:46,146 sweatshop! 347 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,280 (whirring) 348 00:14:47,314 --> 00:14:49,315 (Steve screams) 349 00:14:53,933 --> 00:14:55,400 (birds singing) 350 00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:56,919 Excuse me, miss? 351 00:14:57,039 --> 00:14:58,418 Hi. How can I help you today? 352 00:14:58,538 --> 00:15:01,377 I was just wondering, who's my union representative? 353 00:15:01,497 --> 00:15:02,908 (screaming) 354 00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:03,631 Okay. Oh. 355 00:15:03,755 --> 00:15:05,152 Anything else I can help you with? 356 00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:06,624 No, thanks. 357 00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:09,427 Okay, well, my name's Harper if you need anything. 358 00:15:10,629 --> 00:15:12,763 How long have you been here? 359 00:15:12,798 --> 00:15:14,232 20 years. 360 00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:17,635 Oh, my God, I just realized I can't take it anymore! 361 00:15:17,669 --> 00:15:18,836 (rhythmic beeping) 362 00:15:18,871 --> 00:15:20,271 (punches landing) 363 00:15:20,305 --> 00:15:21,939 (beeping stops) 364 00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:24,609 No! Not the sweater fold! 365 00:15:24,643 --> 00:15:28,112 (screaming, snapping) 366 00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,614 (grunting) 367 00:15:30,616 --> 00:15:31,883 (grunting) 368 00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:33,517 (panting): Stan! 369 00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:35,653 I'm sorry. I ran all the way home 370 00:15:35,687 --> 00:15:38,089 because I forgot I had my car with me. 371 00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:42,827 The Gash's Loss Prevention Unit caught Steve shoplifting! 372 00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:45,062 You guys were shoplifting again? 373 00:15:45,097 --> 00:15:46,464 Skip the lecture. 374 00:15:46,498 --> 00:15:48,799 When people get caught shoplifting from The Gash, 375 00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,335 they're never heard from again. 376 00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:53,204 Well, I wish I could help you, 377 00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:55,339 but I am powerless without my nuggs. 378 00:15:55,374 --> 00:15:57,541 Only you can save our son. 379 00:15:57,576 --> 00:15:59,777 You're the man of the house now. 380 00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:02,280 (doors creaking) 381 00:16:06,151 --> 00:16:08,152 Good-bye, Stan. 382 00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:11,822 Do whatever it takes to get Steve back. 383 00:16:11,857 --> 00:16:14,191 (door slams) 384 00:16:14,226 --> 00:16:19,897 ♪ Climb every mountain 385 00:16:19,932 --> 00:16:24,502 ♪ Search high and low 386 00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:29,006 ♪ Follow every byway 387 00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:33,744 ♪ Every path you know 388 00:16:33,779 --> 00:16:38,382 ♪ Climb every mountain 389 00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:43,087 ♪ Ford every stream 390 00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:47,792 ♪ Follow every rainbow 391 00:16:47,826 --> 00:16:51,829 ♪ Till you find your dream 392 00:16:51,863 --> 00:16:55,533 ♪ A dream that will need 393 00:16:55,567 --> 00:17:01,405 ♪ All the love you can give 394 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,842 ♪ Every day of your life 395 00:17:04,876 --> 00:17:11,449 ♪ For as long as you live 396 00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:16,087 ♪ Climb every mountain 397 00:17:16,121 --> 00:17:20,691 ♪ Ford every stream 398 00:17:20,726 --> 00:17:25,997 ♪ Follow every rainbow 399 00:17:26,031 --> 00:17:35,840 ♪ Till you find your dream! 400 00:17:35,874 --> 00:17:37,308 (song ends) 401 00:17:37,342 --> 00:17:39,977 Oh, my God, that was transcendent! 402 00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:42,146 With you and your heavenly voice accompanying us, 403 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,814 we'll skyrocket to the top 404 00:17:43,849 --> 00:17:45,683 of the ever-popular world music charts! 405 00:17:45,717 --> 00:17:48,119 I say we reunite the band, but as a quartet. 406 00:17:48,153 --> 00:17:49,353 How about it, Daddy? 407 00:17:49,388 --> 00:17:51,288 I suppose I could give it a try. 408 00:17:51,323 --> 00:17:52,490 Yay! (whoops) 409 00:17:52,524 --> 00:17:53,657 Yes! 410 00:17:53,692 --> 00:17:54,759 Yeah, it'll be fun, right? 411 00:17:54,793 --> 00:17:56,227 I mean, this could be just what I need 412 00:17:56,261 --> 00:17:57,628 to get me out of this living room. 413 00:17:57,662 --> 00:17:59,597 (two pops) (in normal voice): And back into life. 414 00:17:59,631 --> 00:18:00,998 My boys just dropped! 415 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:02,166 No, no. No! 416 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,068 Thank God. I'm back to normal. 417 00:18:04,102 --> 00:18:05,336 I don't have to settle 418 00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:07,638 for a life of singing with you idiots after all. 419 00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:14,512 ♪ Swing low, sweet chariot... ♪ 420 00:18:14,546 --> 00:18:17,181 Ah, to hell with it. 421 00:18:17,215 --> 00:18:18,649 (discordant tones playing) 422 00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,151 (birds singing) 423 00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:21,919 Hello. 424 00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:25,256 Welcome to The Gash's infamous third-world sweatshop. 425 00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:26,457 Hola. 426 00:18:26,491 --> 00:18:29,627 I'm an inspector from... the government. 427 00:18:29,661 --> 00:18:33,831 We have concerns your sweatshop isn't cruel enough. 428 00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:35,299 Ridiculous! 429 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:38,202 As you can see, our facility is exceptionally cruel. 430 00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:39,503 Our workers may pray 431 00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:41,772 for freedom, but they hope for death. 432 00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:44,141 Oh, what a pretty coat! 433 00:18:44,176 --> 00:18:45,609 What's your name? 434 00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:47,778 Worker 39872. 435 00:18:47,813 --> 00:18:50,414 But I used to be called Matilda. 436 00:18:50,449 --> 00:18:52,249 I don't like the spunk in this one. 437 00:18:52,284 --> 00:18:54,819 Seems like she still has some will to live. 438 00:18:54,853 --> 00:18:56,854 I'll interview her alone. 439 00:18:58,223 --> 00:19:00,524 Okay, Matilda, here's the deal. 440 00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:02,460 I'm not really an inspector. 441 00:19:02,494 --> 00:19:04,128 I'm a shoplifter, just like you. 442 00:19:04,162 --> 00:19:05,796 Are-are you the one? 443 00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:07,998 The savior foretold in our legends 444 00:19:08,033 --> 00:19:09,767 come to free us from our bondage? 445 00:19:09,801 --> 00:19:11,569 Huh? No. 446 00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:13,370 Oh. That sucks. 447 00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:15,139 Have you seen this kid around here? 448 00:19:15,173 --> 00:19:16,707 Well, I don't know him, 449 00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:20,010 but, uh, the latest batch of arrivals ended up in Zone Q. 450 00:19:21,346 --> 00:19:23,481 Wait! If-if you're getting out of here, 451 00:19:23,515 --> 00:19:24,982 could you take me with you? 452 00:19:25,016 --> 00:19:29,753 You have my word, Matilda. 453 00:19:37,462 --> 00:19:39,029 Steve?! 454 00:19:40,065 --> 00:19:41,532 Floobity-floobity! 455 00:19:41,566 --> 00:19:43,067 (grunts) 456 00:19:43,101 --> 00:19:44,235 Mom?! 457 00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:45,169 Steve! 458 00:19:45,203 --> 00:19:47,371 Let's get out of here. 459 00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:49,073 What about my sensor tag? 460 00:19:49,107 --> 00:19:50,574 You'll never get me through those gates. 461 00:19:50,609 --> 00:19:52,276 (snap) 462 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,911 Whoa. How'd you do that? 463 00:19:53,945 --> 00:19:55,746 This is me we're talking about. 464 00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:59,150 The woman who once crotchwalked an oven out of a Sears. 465 00:19:59,184 --> 00:20:01,152 Crotchwalked? 466 00:20:01,186 --> 00:20:02,520 Oh, dear. 467 00:20:05,724 --> 00:20:06,857 Thanks for the access. 468 00:20:06,892 --> 00:20:09,126 I'll be sure to give a favorable report. 469 00:20:09,161 --> 00:20:10,961 Thank you, and may I just say, 470 00:20:10,996 --> 00:20:13,130 you look in no way suspicious to me. 471 00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,301 (pop) Aah! 472 00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:18,769 Just send me back to work. 473 00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:20,237 I can't be all up in that. 474 00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:22,006 She's trying to liberate a shoplifter! 475 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,541 Seize them! 476 00:20:23,575 --> 00:20:25,476 I'm really sorry, Mom. 477 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:27,411 I blew it for both of us. 478 00:20:27,445 --> 00:20:29,446 You didn't blow anything, sweetie. 479 00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:33,951 I've still got one last shoplifting trick up my sleeve. 480 00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:36,987 (explosion) 481 00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:38,489 (machine gun fire) 482 00:20:38,523 --> 00:20:40,591 Not really a shoplifting trick 483 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:42,693 so much as one of Dad's grenades, Mom. 484 00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:44,762 Hey, it worked at Macy's! 485 00:20:44,796 --> 00:20:46,797 (bullet ricocheting) 486 00:20:48,033 --> 00:20:50,034 (crickets chirping) 487 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,039 Matilda! 488 00:20:56,038 --> 00:21:06,772 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 489 00:21:12,018 --> 00:21:14,144 Bitch!