1
00:00:01,851 --> 00:00:03,969
TED: I can't believe your mom's
not coming to the wedding?
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,687
Okay, seriously,
I-I need to stop crying
3
00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:08,040
Does anyone know how
to turn this off?
4
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,591
Is there, like, a button
or something?
5
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,360
Want me to feel
around for it?
6
00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:12,994
It's probably
somewhere on your back.
7
00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,397
Stop it.
What? I'm trying to cheer you up.
8
00:00:15,399 --> 00:00:17,282
I don't think that's possible
at this point.
9
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950
Challenge accepted!
10
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,285
No, Barney,
11
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,588
I just need to get myself
to stop crying, that's all.
12
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,790
Boogity-boo!
13
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,925
Lily, what the hell?!
It's not the hiccups.
14
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,576
I was just going on a hunch.
15
00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:31,213
(hiccups)
And now I have the hiccups.
16
00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:35,312
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x09 ♪
Platonish
Original Air Date on November 11, 2013
17
00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:40,337
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
18
00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,977
Look, guys, just, seriously,
don't worry about me, okay?
19
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,863
Just let me deal
with this on my own.
20
00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:50,148
I'm afraid that's
not possible, Robin.
21
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,568
Once I've accepted a challenge,
it cannot be unaccepted.
22
00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:57,072
I will not rest
until the job is done.
23
00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:58,373
Oh, is that so?
24
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,910
Then where are our diapers
and Samosas?
25
00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,378
Aha!
26
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,881
NARRATOR: Diapers and Samosas.
Oh, that's about something
27
00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:09,050
that happened six months
earlier in the fall of 2012.
28
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,553
BOTH:
Major craving for a mojito.
29
00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:12,921
Oh, God, we're back
30
00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:15,507
to your stupid little
private joke again?
31
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,226
Are you guys really still doing
this seven years later?
32
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,679
It's so annoying. Just stop it.
33
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,013
Private joke again?
34
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,182
Are you guys really still
doing this seven years later?
35
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,734
It's so annoying.
Just stop it.
36
00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,486
You don't salute a private!
37
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,471
I'll be right back.
All right.
38
00:01:29,473 --> 00:01:31,973
Lily, are you playing
footsie with me?
39
00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:33,191
What?
40
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,777
Oh, no, no. I was just feeling
around for your shin.
41
00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:37,362
My shin? Why would you...?
42
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,947
Ow! Why'd you do that?
43
00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:40,415
To remind you what pain is.
44
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:43,952
You keep it up with all the
cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin,
45
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:47,322
gonna be a whole lot more
where that came from.
46
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,040
Lily, you have nothing
to worry about.
47
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,659
I better not.
You and Robin are platonic.
48
00:01:51,661 --> 00:01:54,662
Please.
Ted and Robin are not platonic.
49
00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:56,765
Just like me and Robin
are not platonic.
50
00:01:56,767 --> 00:02:00,552
Just like no two single people
in the world are ever platonic.
51
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,388
Symposium: two people
are only platonic if
52
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,740
in the next 20 minutes
53
00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,912
there is no chance
of them hooking up.
54
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:11,613
Truth is, I only know of one
genuinely platonic relationship.
55
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:12,680
You and me.
56
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782
Don't make me laugh, Lily.
57
00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,283
You want to hit this
so hard.
58
00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:19,204
Seriously, she's playing
footsies with me as I... Ow!
59
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:22,741
No, I'm talking
about Marshall and Robin.
60
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,744
NARRATOR: Marshall and Robin wouldn't
hook up even if this happened:
61
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,379
Marshall, Robin!
62
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,215
If you guys don't full-on
make out in the next 20 minutes,
63
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,751
they're gonna blow me up
and everyone in this bar!
64
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,869
My God, no!
Anyone but Robin.
65
00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:36,688
I really don't want
to do this!
66
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,890
Guys, we have no time!
Just do it!
67
00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:49,734
I'm sorry, baby,
I just, I can't do it.
68
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,485
Aw...
69
00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:51,603
(explosion)
70
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,072
And the only survivor
was me
71
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,391
because I was upstairs
banging Ted's mom.
72
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,893
What? Get that blond girl's
phone number?
73
00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:00,278
Challenge accepted.
74
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,831
(phone rings)
75
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,201
Unknown caller, stop calling me.
76
00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:07,235
Are you gonna answer it?
77
00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:08,370
Yeah, 'cause it's 1994
78
00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,788
and I'm gonna pick up a phone
79
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,289
without knowing who's on
the other end.
80
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,458
I should get going.
81
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,676
Ted...
82
00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:16,344
Lily, by every definition
of the word platonic,
83
00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,246
including Barney's fake one,
I can say
84
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,681
with total certainty...
85
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,966
that Brussels sprouts
86
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,917
are the comeback vegetable
of the 21st century.
87
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,085
Well, see you guys later.
88
00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,887
Bye.
89
00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:29,391
Challenge completed.
90
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:32,143
I'm sorry. I-I missed
the first half of this.
91
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,395
Um, why is picking up
92
00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:36,481
a drunk chick sitting alone
and rubbing a tan line
93
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:39,618
on her finger where a wedding
ring used to be, a challenge?
94
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,504
Because I said
challenge accepted.
95
00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:44,489
See? That's your problem,
Barney.
96
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,492
You only accept challenges
you came up with.
97
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,295
Just once,
I'd like to see you accept
98
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,663
someone else's challenge.
99
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,182
Challenge acc...
Wait-- what's the challenge?
100
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:58,053
Interesting. An opportunity rife
with possibilities.
101
00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,387
We need to find something
102
00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:01,139
with just the right amount
of poetic...
103
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,392
Get a girl's number
while talking like a dolphin!
104
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,294
That works.
105
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,735
(chittering like a dolphin)
106
00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:22,143
Open your eyes, ref!
That's not a pregnant lady!
107
00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:24,162
It's a basketball
under his shirt!
108
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,997
Blow the freakin'
whistle!
109
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,617
Anyways, Barney's right;
110
00:04:28,619 --> 00:04:30,652
I would absolutely
let the bar blow up.
111
00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:33,455
But you'd die, and
Lily would die, too.
112
00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,957
Yeah, but then we could
haunt the bar for eternity
113
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,009
like we always planned.
Anyways, Robin's your girl.
114
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,878
Why do we keep
coming back to this?
115
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,097
It's fun. Tickets are cheap.
Gets us out of the house.
116
00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,598
No, me and Robin.
117
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:48,520
Because Robin told me that
she's still in love with you.
118
00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:55,161
Are you serious?
Robin told you that she's
119
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,494
still in love with me?
120
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,027
No, I just made that up.
121
00:04:58,029 --> 00:05:00,079
But it was worth it
because I can tell
122
00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:03,065
by that look on your face
that you still have feelings for Robin.
123
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,668
Okay, ball is sitting
on the basket!
124
00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:08,856
That's not only illegal,
it's unsafe!
125
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:11,142
Come on, Gens, D up!
126
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,295
It's this monastery
in Connecticut out in the woods,
127
00:05:14,297 --> 00:05:17,415
and the nuns there,
they make this gourmet cheese.
128
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:18,749
It's just amazing.
129
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,418
(chittering)
130
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,703
Wow, was that
three glasses of wine?
131
00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:24,138
Where does the time go
132
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:26,224
(chitters)
133
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,226
(chuckles) Look, I know
that you need
134
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,710
to get back
to your studies.
135
00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:32,313
Maybe we could get together
some other time?
136
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,032
(clicking, chittering)
137
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,150
No! Not possible!
138
00:05:36,152 --> 00:05:37,935
It was the performance
of a lifetime.
139
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,200
Man, if I'd have hung around
for a few more minutes,
140
00:05:39,201 --> 00:05:39,759
I probably could have
141
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,927
gotten her to touch my blowhole.
Give me that.
142
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:44,942
(distant phone rings)
143
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,611
Hello?
144
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,562
Hi, did you just give
your phone number to a guy
145
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:49,697
who was squeaking
like a dolphin?
146
00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:51,866
(chuckles)
Yeah.
147
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:52,950
Honey, listen to me.
148
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,203
I need you to take
a year, a full year
149
00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:56,671
and just be
celibate, okay?
150
00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:57,838
No boys.
151
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,257
One year.
152
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,175
I think you know
I'm right about this.
153
00:06:01,177 --> 00:06:02,627
You're right.
154
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,928
Yeah.
155
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,346
That was heartbreaking
156
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:07,915
And pants-breaking
Boing-oing-oing!
157
00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:09,467
All right, next challenge.
158
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,519
Oh, this is an all-night thing?
159
00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:15,723
Okay, um, pick up a girl...
160
00:06:15,725 --> 00:06:17,275
wearing a garbage bag.
161
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,778
(scoffs)
I'd be "Glad" to.
162
00:06:21,596 --> 00:06:23,698
Just hope she's not too "Hefty""
163
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:27,985
And those are all of the brands
of trash bags I can think of.
164
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,070
I'm not done.
165
00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:33,457
You also can't use
the letter "E."
166
00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:40,131
Challng... accptd-d.
167
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,251
You're single,
she's single,
168
00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:44,552
It's time to do this.
169
00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,504
You're only saying this
because you bet Lily
170
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,455
that Robin and I would
end up together,
171
00:06:48,457 --> 00:06:49,957
and you want
that five bucks.
172
00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:51,559
I need that five bucks, Ted.
173
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:54,312
But more importantly,
I need you to be happy.
174
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,397
Marshall, we're platonic.
175
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,815
But you're not platonic!
176
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,484
You are 20 short minutes away
from happily ever after.
177
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,070
I mean, if you left
right now.
178
00:07:07,142 --> 00:07:08,159
Hey.
179
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,111
I have loved you from
the moment we met.
180
00:07:10,113 --> 00:07:11,478
I know we're meant
to be together.
181
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,947
I don't want to waste
another second without you.
182
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:14,031
Let's give it
another shot.
183
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,649
Okay!
184
00:07:15,651 --> 00:07:17,651
No!
(buzzer sounds)
185
00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:19,787
Pay up, baby.
Pay up.
186
00:07:19,789 --> 00:07:21,488
TED:
Oh, yes!
187
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:24,825
♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks,
you soon will be mine ♪
188
00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:27,295
♪ Even though Lily
and I share bank accounts ♪
189
00:07:27,297 --> 00:07:30,131
♪ You're already mine
to begin with. ♪ Sorry.
190
00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:33,951
And you and Robin get a lifetime
of happiness, so there's that.
191
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,102
But you better hurry up
192
00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:36,503
before some other guy
snatches her up.
193
00:07:36,505 --> 00:07:38,522
Really? And who's
my competition?
194
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:43,527
Okay, don't use the letter "E."
Don't use the letter "E."
195
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:45,780
Hey.
196
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,815
Damn it.
197
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:51,369
Hi. I... am...
198
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,237
Barney. Damn it!
199
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,639
There's an E
in my name!
200
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,626
Hi. My word for...
201
00:07:58,628 --> 00:08:02,246
this guy is Barno.
202
00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:08,419
Barno. You look...
203
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,171
not ugly.
204
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:11,088
(chuckles)
205
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,424
Your... dial thing...
206
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,425
is what?
207
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,228
Do you want
to just go back to my place?
208
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,180
Yes. Damn it!
209
00:08:20,098 --> 00:08:22,600
I want to buy you a drink.
210
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:27,104
But first, what do I call you?
211
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,739
Elaine Edelstein.
212
00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:34,612
How about I just call you...
213
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,913
tomorrow?
214
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:39,500
Your digits, m'lady?
215
00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:41,952
Seriously, guys,
216
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,954
you're gonna have
to try harder than that.
217
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,207
Challenge accepted.
218
00:08:47,509 --> 00:08:48,742
Excuse me, hi.
219
00:08:48,744 --> 00:08:51,178
I'm Ryan Gosling's
personal assistant.
220
00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:53,464
He saw you
as you were walking in,
221
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,801
and he sent me over
to tell you to wait here.
222
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,302
Be cool. This is real, okay?
223
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,806
But listen, Ryan is super shy.
224
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,024
Aw...
I know.
225
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:06,927
Which means that if he comes in
here and he sees you talking
226
00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:09,897
to some other guy, he's gonna
turn right around and leave.
227
00:09:10,866 --> 00:09:12,400
Nod if you understand.
228
00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:14,318
Redhead at the bar.
229
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,736
Challenge accepted.
230
00:09:16,788 --> 00:09:19,390
Hey, there.
Get away from me!
231
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,775
It's like you're trying
to lose, Eddie!
232
00:09:21,777 --> 00:09:23,160
Hey, Eddie,
last time I saw
233
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,162
this many turnovers
was at a bakery. - Oh!
234
00:09:26,214 --> 00:09:27,915
So are you doing this or what?
No.
235
00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:30,050
And for the record,
if I were gonna do it,
236
00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:33,137
I wouldn't just be, like,
"Hey, we should get back together".
237
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,305
Amateur hour.
238
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,340
Here's how you do it.
239
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:41,145
Excuse me. Okay, sorry.
240
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:43,514
(text alert sounds)
Sorry.
241
00:09:44,566 --> 00:09:45,583
Huh.
242
00:09:48,803 --> 00:09:51,439
Stop, thief!
243
00:09:54,659 --> 00:09:57,278
MARSHALL: The blue French horn,
it's so romantic!
244
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,563
Oh, my God, do you know
who you are?!
245
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,415
You're Nicholas Sparks!
246
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:04,485
Hey, everybody, we got
a, uh, celebrity
247
00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:07,505
in the crowd over here.
We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks!
248
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,173
You didn't let me finish.
249
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,258
Ted, listen...
250
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:12,443
(buzzer sounds)
251
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,428
I can do without reliving that.
252
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,630
Are you completely blind?
253
00:10:16,632 --> 00:10:17,431
What?
254
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,183
Open your eyes, ref!
255
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,852
The ball hasn't touched
the ground in seven minutes!
256
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,387
Hey, ref, check
your voicemail!
257
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,389
I think you've missed
a few calls!
258
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,391
(scoffs)
259
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:30,844
Are you completely blind?!
260
00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:31,979
Wait-- me or...?
261
00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:33,531
You, Ted!
262
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:34,899
Robin has changed her mind.
263
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,734
No, Robin doesn't change
her mind.
264
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,152
Except that she does.
265
00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:40,988
Remember how she used to claim
to hate white guy funk bands?
266
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,073
And yet, at the farewell
performance of my band,
267
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,826
"The Funk, the Whole Funk
and Nothing but the Funk,"
268
00:10:45,828 --> 00:10:47,795
there's Robin
rhythmically nodding her head
269
00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:50,381
and shouting out a request
for "Give Up the Funk."
270
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,534
I think she was nodding her head
in response to my question,
271
00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:55,869
"Do you want
to leave soon?"
272
00:10:55,871 --> 00:10:57,505
And she was
legitimately suggesting
273
00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:59,139
that you give up the funk.
274
00:11:00,642 --> 00:11:02,709
Can we just drop this?
I have moved on.
275
00:11:02,711 --> 00:11:04,261
Well, except that you haven't.
276
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,764
You didn't just come up with
this blue French horn thing.
277
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,098
You've thought about this.
278
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,400
EDDIE:
Mr. Sparks?
279
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,935
I loved The Notebook.
280
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:13,804
Eddie, you're down by 80.
281
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,856
Will you watch the game?
282
00:11:17,659 --> 00:11:18,943
Do not come any closer!
283
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,110
I swear to God I will kill you.
284
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,830
It's cool.
I'm not gonna come any closer.
285
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:25,583
You're looking at the door,
you're waiting for someone.
286
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,868
Someone important,
someone who will fill
287
00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:29,603
an empty space in your life.
288
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,789
A movie star?
289
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,040
Ah-huh.
290
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:35,409
But which one?
291
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:37,011
Clooney,
292
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:40,431
DiCaprio, Zabka...?
293
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,283
No...
294
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,802
I'm gonna go with Ryan...
295
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:47,371
Reyn...
296
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,639
Phil-Phillip...
297
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,342
Seacr... Gosling...
298
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,110
Ryan Gosling!
299
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:54,695
Yes, I'm waiting
for Ryan Gosling, okay?
300
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:56,864
Now, leave me alone.
301
00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:04,488
You passed my test, girl.
302
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,326
Ryan?
ROBIN: No.
303
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,662
Just... no.
304
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:12,963
I told her I'm a method actor.
305
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,615
And I had to get plastic surgery
306
00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:16,584
for an upcoming role
where I play a man
307
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:18,452
much more handsome than myself.
308
00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:20,721
Congratulations, you win.
309
00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:22,122
Win? No, I don't want to win.
310
00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:24,508
I want to keep playing.
More challenges.
311
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,759
Fine, you want
another challenge?
312
00:12:25,761 --> 00:12:27,895
More challenges,
more challenges.
313
00:12:27,897 --> 00:12:28,979
Fine, here's your challenge.
314
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,632
Go down to the pharmacy
and buy some diapers.
315
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:34,685
And, uh, get me a Samosa
from the Indian place.
316
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,687
Sounds like an errand.
317
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,772
While picking up a girl.
318
00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:41,358
Challenge accepted!
319
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,526
Come on!
320
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:43,544
Whatever happened to the guy
321
00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:44,578
who wasn't afraid to charge
322
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:45,996
headlong into the unknown?
323
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,665
What unknown?
324
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:48,815
Sure, eight years ago
325
00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:50,367
when I stole
that blue French horn, yeah.
326
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,818
That was the unknown.
327
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:54,038
But now? I mean, how many times
have we been here?
328
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,123
I know exactly
what's gonna happen.
329
00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:58,825
You know who else knew exactly
what was gonna happen, Ted?
330
00:12:58,827 --> 00:13:01,762
The Washington Generals
on January 5, 1971.
331
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:04,214
They knew they were gonna lose,
but they went in there anyway,
332
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:05,716
and then gave it
their best shot.
333
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,501
And they won that game, Ted!
334
00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:09,470
For one reason
and for one reason only.
335
00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:12,005
A scoring error and the fact
that Curly Neal had the flu?
336
00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:14,024
Perseverance.
337
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,110
It was the only win
in Generals history,
338
00:13:16,112 --> 00:13:17,811
but that's all you need.
339
00:13:17,813 --> 00:13:19,196
Just one win.
340
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,197
(cell phone ringing)
341
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,534
I'm gonna go
grab us some beers.
342
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,536
(clicks tongue)
343
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,355
Hi, I don't know who this is
or what you're trying to sell,
344
00:13:28,357 --> 00:13:31,024
but you are disturbing me
during the Globetrotters.
345
00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:34,995
Hello, Ted,
it's Hammond Druthers.
346
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:40,467
Target acquired.
347
00:13:49,742 --> 00:13:52,159
I'm recruiting volunteers
348
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,910
for the starving puppy orphanage
where I work.
349
00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:55,244
For free.
350
00:13:55,246 --> 00:13:59,015
So, if you wouldn't mind just
writing your number down
351
00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:01,801
on this signup sheet...?
352
00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:05,355
Listen, I appreciate
that you feel
353
00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:06,756
like you need my number.
354
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:07,924
Um.
355
00:14:07,926 --> 00:14:10,110
Maybe it's because
you're really sad
356
00:14:10,112 --> 00:14:11,811
about something
and this is your way
357
00:14:11,813 --> 00:14:13,480
of feeling better
about yourself.
358
00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:14,764
But...
359
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:17,384
since I have a boyfriend,
and I'm pretty sure
360
00:14:17,386 --> 00:14:20,153
I heard you call me a target
earlier over there,
361
00:14:20,155 --> 00:14:21,621
Wha...?
I'm gonna go ahead
362
00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:22,822
and not give you my number.
363
00:14:22,824 --> 00:14:25,091
I'm gonna give you
something even better.
364
00:14:25,093 --> 00:14:26,776
Wow, right to the chase.
365
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,128
Meet you in aisle six.
366
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:30,997
I'm gonna give you this.
Okay.
367
00:14:30,999 --> 00:14:32,749
It's gonna be okay.
368
00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:35,001
You're a good guy.
369
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:37,286
You will get through this.
370
00:14:40,457 --> 00:14:41,841
Uh, okay.
371
00:14:41,843 --> 00:14:43,626
Weirdo alert.
372
00:14:43,628 --> 00:14:45,061
(chuckles)
373
00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:47,463
(scoffs)
374
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:49,632
Have you met...?
375
00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:51,084
(groans)
376
00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:52,519
Excuse me.
377
00:14:55,773 --> 00:14:57,607
What do you mean "sad"?
378
00:14:57,609 --> 00:14:59,075
HAMMOND DRUTHERS:
Ted?
379
00:14:59,077 --> 00:15:00,944
I'm calling you
from Chicago, Illinois
380
00:15:00,946 --> 00:15:02,529
where I'm a key player
381
00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:05,031
in a very successful
architectural firm.
382
00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,315
Oh, yeah, I read about that.
383
00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:07,650
All right,
about what you read...
384
00:15:07,652 --> 00:15:09,619
You built
that big concave glass tower.
385
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:11,788
And it melted a few buildings
across the street.
386
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:13,873
Yes, fine, but come on.
387
00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:16,259
What architect hasn't made
a major design flaw
388
00:15:16,261 --> 00:15:18,345
that raised the temperature
of the city aquarium
389
00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:19,379
to 190 degrees
390
00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:21,664
and killed thousands
of very rare fish?
391
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,667
That's the past, Ted.
I'm looking forward.
392
00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:26,770
I want you on my team.
393
00:15:26,772 --> 00:15:28,805
And I won't take no
for an answer.
394
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:31,674
No.
I don't think you heard me, Ted.
395
00:15:31,676 --> 00:15:33,943
No.
Come on, Ted!
396
00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:35,228
Please?
397
00:15:35,230 --> 00:15:37,564
They're gonna give me
a parking spot if you say yes.
398
00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:39,816
Do I get a parking spot?
Well, we can go tandem.
399
00:15:39,818 --> 00:15:41,350
No.
Every other week then?
400
00:15:41,352 --> 00:15:41,902
No.
401
00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:43,927
You know, Chicago's
more of a walking town.
402
00:15:44,072 --> 00:15:45,705
No.
All right!
403
00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:47,707
You can have the parking spot.
404
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,792
So, that's a yes?
405
00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:50,960
Mm, no.
Look, Ted.
406
00:15:50,962 --> 00:15:54,414
I can make your life
very difficult.
407
00:15:54,416 --> 00:15:57,167
How?
How?!
408
00:15:58,302 --> 00:16:01,337
I will call you a lot.
409
00:16:01,339 --> 00:16:03,390
I will Tweet at you like crazy.
410
00:16:03,392 --> 00:16:06,893
I will live
on your Facebook wall!
411
00:16:06,895 --> 00:16:07,927
We're not Facebook friends.
412
00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:09,312
Yeah, what's going on with that?
413
00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:12,065
It's been pending, like,
for eight months now.
414
00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:14,818
Look, Ted, you're a...
415
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:17,520
a very hot commodity.
416
00:16:17,522 --> 00:16:21,191
Everybody loves the GNB Tower.
417
00:16:21,193 --> 00:16:23,109
And how it hasn't blinded
any pilots
418
00:16:23,111 --> 00:16:25,228
on final approach into O'Hare.
419
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:26,112
(laughs)
420
00:16:26,114 --> 00:16:27,697
And I-I may have told
421
00:16:27,699 --> 00:16:29,365
the partners here
that you and I are
422
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:30,583
very, very good friends.
423
00:16:30,585 --> 00:16:33,169
So, please, just say
that you'll think about it.
424
00:16:33,171 --> 00:16:34,370
Fine.
425
00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:36,256
I'll think about it.
426
00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:38,541
Druthers shoots, he scores!
427
00:16:38,543 --> 00:16:42,411
Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls'
numbers in the last hour.
428
00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:44,597
And this was an off night.
(chuckles)
429
00:16:44,599 --> 00:16:46,883
What can I possibly
be sad about?
430
00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:49,602
I think you were in love
and you messed it up.
431
00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,605
And every moment of your life
since then
432
00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:55,759
has been spent trying to stay
busy enough to ignore that fact.
433
00:16:55,761 --> 00:16:58,728
NARRATOR: And that's how Barney met
your mother.
434
00:17:01,565 --> 00:17:03,566
Well, the Generals lost.
435
00:17:03,568 --> 00:17:04,984
What a nail biter--
the whole fourth quarter
436
00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:06,453
my heart was in my throat.
437
00:17:06,455 --> 00:17:07,620
What was the final?
438
00:17:07,622 --> 00:17:08,822
216 to 12.
439
00:17:08,824 --> 00:17:10,544
Nobody talk to me right
now, I can't even...
440
00:17:12,743 --> 00:17:14,244
The strangest thing
happened at the game.
441
00:17:14,246 --> 00:17:16,212
I got a phone call
from an unknown number.
442
00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:17,997
And when I answered I...
443
00:17:18,799 --> 00:17:19,833
You're eating olives.
444
00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:21,301
Yup.
445
00:17:21,303 --> 00:17:22,302
Do you want these?
446
00:17:22,304 --> 00:17:23,786
I hate olives.
447
00:17:23,788 --> 00:17:25,421
I... thought you hate olives.
448
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:28,057
(laughs)
I guess I changed my mind.
449
00:17:28,059 --> 00:17:30,260
(phone ringing)
450
00:17:30,262 --> 00:17:31,394
Ah!
451
00:17:31,396 --> 00:17:32,896
Hello, partner!
452
00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:35,815
Boy, that just sounds right,
doesn't it?
453
00:17:35,817 --> 00:17:38,234
Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers.
454
00:17:38,236 --> 00:17:39,969
My answer is no.
455
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:42,822
What? No, Ted, come on!
456
00:17:42,824 --> 00:17:46,576
I'm sorry, I still have things
to do here in New York.
457
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:48,644
I am going to build
a tower of glass
458
00:17:48,646 --> 00:17:50,914
and melt you with it!
459
00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:53,649
No, you won't.
No, I won't, but know this.
460
00:17:53,651 --> 00:17:55,168
After today
461
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,753
this offer
462
00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:58,037
is gone forever.
463
00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:00,957
When I hang up this phone,
you and I are done.
464
00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:03,826
The door is closed!
Okay.
465
00:18:03,828 --> 00:18:04,961
The door's always open, Ted.
466
00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:06,495
If you change your mind,
just call me back, okay?
467
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,548
Bye.
468
00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:11,834
I think he's coming around.
469
00:18:11,836 --> 00:18:13,436
We tried dating a while back
470
00:18:13,438 --> 00:18:15,538
and it was a disaster.
471
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,974
But I-I always regret giving up.
472
00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,226
It just ended so quickly.
473
00:18:20,228 --> 00:18:21,311
(quiet laugh)
474
00:18:21,313 --> 00:18:23,580
What about you?
475
00:18:23,582 --> 00:18:25,949
You and your boyfriend
gonna go the distance?
476
00:18:25,951 --> 00:18:27,516
I don't know.
477
00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:30,703
I think maybe I still
haven't met the right guy.
478
00:18:30,705 --> 00:18:32,855
Hmm.
479
00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:35,325
I wonder if I know someone
to set you up with.
480
00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:41,331
Drawing a blank.
481
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,032
Are you gonna
go get this girl?
482
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,083
Or what?
483
00:18:44,085 --> 00:18:45,368
I don't know.
484
00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,337
I'm kind of
at my peak right now.
485
00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:50,206
I don't know if I can
just walk away from the game.
486
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:54,060
Do you want to keep playing
or do you want to win?
487
00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:58,881
I want to win.
488
00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:01,884
What am I doing?
489
00:19:01,886 --> 00:19:04,020
In less than 20 minutes,
Robin and I could be...
490
00:19:04,022 --> 00:19:05,238
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
491
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,773
It's gonna take a lot more
than 20 minutes.
492
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:09,892
This is gonna take everything
you have got.
493
00:19:09,894 --> 00:19:12,445
This is gonna take all of your
time, all of your attention.
494
00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:14,063
All of your resources.
495
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,916
This is the big one.
496
00:19:16,918 --> 00:19:19,402
Diaper man.
497
00:19:19,404 --> 00:19:21,070
You got to do it right.
498
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,255
Can't be messing around,
499
00:19:22,257 --> 00:19:24,173
picking up girls in drug stores.
500
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:25,758
♪ It's only time
501
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:26,960
You got work to do.
502
00:19:26,962 --> 00:19:29,596
♪ It's only time ♪
503
00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:33,182
♪ It's only time
504
00:19:33,184 --> 00:19:37,637
♪ What could stop...
505
00:19:37,639 --> 00:19:39,939
We're not platonic.
506
00:19:39,941 --> 00:19:41,391
Platon-ish, maybe.
507
00:19:41,393 --> 00:19:42,442
If that's even a word.
508
00:19:42,444 --> 00:19:44,060
But not platonic.
509
00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:46,362
♪ It's only time...
510
00:19:46,364 --> 00:19:48,481
I mean, there's
something between us.
511
00:19:48,483 --> 00:19:51,401
And there always will be.
512
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,788
♪ If rain won't...
513
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,874
If this was eight years ago,
514
00:19:57,876 --> 00:19:59,542
I'd be jumping
into a cab right now
515
00:19:59,544 --> 00:20:01,411
to go steal
that blue French horn.
516
00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:02,745
Well, why don't you?
517
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,013
I don't know.
518
00:20:04,015 --> 00:20:06,916
Just doesn't seem to work
that way anymore.
519
00:20:06,918 --> 00:20:10,169
I used to be in such a hurry
all the time, you know?
520
00:20:10,171 --> 00:20:11,671
Everything was so urgent.
521
00:20:11,673 --> 00:20:14,924
Now, I just, I don't know,
I figure...
522
00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:17,343
it's gonna happen, it'll happen
when it happens.
523
00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:20,847
I'm not going anywhere,
she's not going anywhere.
524
00:20:20,849 --> 00:20:21,964
What's the rush, right?
525
00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:24,017
♪ And swim your sea ♪
526
00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:26,686
♪ And swim
527
00:20:26,688 --> 00:20:29,856
♪ Your sea
528
00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:34,643
♪ Marry me
529
00:20:34,645 --> 00:20:36,829
I have no idea
who that girl was.
530
00:20:36,831 --> 00:20:39,165
But she set me straight.
531
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:43,152
After that, I had one challenge
and one challenge only.
532
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:45,088
Get Robin Scherbatsky
533
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,540
to fall in love with me.
534
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:52,684
Challenge completed.
535
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:56,221
♪ Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now? ♪
536
00:20:56,223 --> 00:21:01,223
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man