1
00:00:02,074 --> 00:00:04,342
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
2
00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:05,410
You've had this dart board
since I've known you,
3
00:00:05,412 --> 00:00:06,828
but I've never seen you play.
4
00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:08,780
Oh, uh, we played... once.
5
00:00:08,782 --> 00:00:11,249
I broke a window.
6
00:00:11,251 --> 00:00:12,450
What window?
7
00:00:12,452 --> 00:00:14,368
That one over there.
8
00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:17,755
Leonard, where are
the Skee-Ball tickets?
9
00:00:17,757 --> 00:00:19,056
Skee-Ball tickets?
10
00:00:19,058 --> 00:00:21,209
Yeah, from when we went
to the arcade three years ago?
11
00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:23,544
I finally decided
what prize I want.
12
00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:26,681
Hurry up.
13
00:00:26,683 --> 00:00:29,300
Uh, if I still have them,
14
00:00:29,302 --> 00:00:31,385
they're probably
in the junk box.
15
00:00:31,387 --> 00:00:32,687
Ooh, what are you gonna get?
16
00:00:32,689 --> 00:00:33,855
None of your business.
17
00:00:33,857 --> 00:00:36,307
But when you see me
wearing a flower
18
00:00:36,309 --> 00:00:37,525
in my lapel later,
19
00:00:37,527 --> 00:00:39,861
you are most welcome
to sniff it.
20
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,980
Yup, oh... here you go.
21
00:00:42,982 --> 00:00:44,315
Oh, thank you.
22
00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:47,318
Here, get yourself an eraser
for your troubles.
23
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,370
Oh.
24
00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:50,788
Oh-ho.
25
00:00:50,790 --> 00:00:51,956
I forgot about this.
26
00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:55,326
My aunt made it for me
when I started college.
27
00:00:58,046 --> 00:01:00,798
Aw, did she hate you?
28
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,668
Why? Because I got an
ugly, itchy sweater,
29
00:01:03,670 --> 00:01:06,754
and my brother got a car?
No, I was her favorite.
30
00:01:07,622 --> 00:01:09,006
Yeah, I seem to be
a few tickets short.
31
00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:10,508
Are there more in the box?
32
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:12,126
Hmm, I think I got them all.
33
00:01:12,128 --> 00:01:14,562
Nope, they're not in there.
34
00:01:14,564 --> 00:01:16,630
Well, you barely looked.
Let me see.
35
00:01:16,632 --> 00:01:18,299
No, no, no, I-I looked, and...
(stammers)
36
00:01:18,301 --> 00:01:20,451
No more tickets.
37
00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:21,652
Leonard, let me
look in the box.
38
00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:23,738
Okay, okay!
39
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:25,139
I'm gonna show you
what's in the box.
40
00:01:25,141 --> 00:01:27,942
but just...
promise not to flip out.
41
00:01:27,944 --> 00:01:29,660
Why would I flip out?
42
00:01:29,662 --> 00:01:30,945
Is it a spider?
43
00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:33,364
(gasps)
It's a spider!
44
00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:36,017
No, if it was a spider,
45
00:01:36,019 --> 00:01:38,536
Lenny would've flipped out.
46
00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:39,620
Okay, Sheldon,
47
00:01:39,622 --> 00:01:41,005
I know I was supposed to return
48
00:01:41,007 --> 00:01:42,656
this DVD a long time ago,
49
00:01:42,658 --> 00:01:43,708
and I know we rented it
50
00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:44,825
on your card.
51
00:01:44,827 --> 00:01:46,794
But it's been, like, seven years
52
00:01:46,796 --> 00:01:47,929
and clearly nothing
bad has happened.
53
00:01:47,931 --> 00:01:50,264
So in-in-in-instead of being
54
00:01:50,266 --> 00:01:52,967
a giant pain in the ass
like you always are,
55
00:01:52,969 --> 00:01:54,018
what if
56
00:01:54,020 --> 00:01:57,388
this one time
you just tried staying calm?
57
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:04,946
That seems
like a reasonable request.
58
00:02:06,532 --> 00:02:07,681
Although so did,
"Hey, Leonard, would you mind
59
00:02:07,683 --> 00:02:09,817
returning that DVD?"
60
00:02:11,019 --> 00:02:13,538
I'm sorry.
I'll-Ill take care of it.
61
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:16,040
Okay.
62
00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:18,075
I mean it, I'm going to.
63
00:02:19,211 --> 00:02:21,796
I believe you.
64
00:02:21,798 --> 00:02:25,082
And you're going to stay calm?
65
00:02:25,084 --> 00:02:27,418
I said I would.
66
00:02:31,256 --> 00:02:33,674
How about that?
67
00:02:34,693 --> 00:02:37,762
Sheldon's being reasonable.
68
00:02:37,764 --> 00:02:38,813
Yeah, it's freaking me out.
69
00:02:38,815 --> 00:02:40,097
I'm gonna go.
70
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:45,319
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
71
00:02:45,321 --> 00:02:48,656
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
72
00:02:48,658 --> 00:02:50,274
♪ The Earth began to cool
73
00:02:50,276 --> 00:02:52,810
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
74
00:02:52,812 --> 00:02:55,479
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
75
00:02:55,481 --> 00:02:58,149
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
76
00:02:58,151 --> 00:03:00,067
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
77
00:03:00,069 --> 00:03:01,897
♪ Bang! ♪
78
00:03:01,898 --> 00:03:05,898
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x08 ♪
The Itchy Brain Simulation
Original Air Date on November 14, 2013
79
00:03:05,899 --> 00:03:10,899
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
80
00:03:10,906 --> 00:03:13,691
So... when you say
81
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,710
you're not going to freak
out about the DVD,
82
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:19,313
here's what that means.
83
00:03:19,315 --> 00:03:20,614
Don't fixate on it.
84
00:03:20,616 --> 00:03:22,733
Don't wake me up
in the middle of the night.
85
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,602
Or nag me through the door
86
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,971
while I'm on the toilet.
87
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,640
Okay, first, talking to you
while you're on the toilet
88
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:32,643
isn't exactly a picnic
for me either, okay?
89
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:33,877
Remember...
90
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,514
when you can hear me,
I can hear you.
91
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,849
And second...
92
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,217
you completely disregard
93
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,604
how uncomfortable
unresolved issues are for me.
94
00:03:43,606 --> 00:03:44,605
It's-it's like, a...
95
00:03:44,607 --> 00:03:47,158
an itch in my brain
I can't scratch.
96
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,943
When I broke my arm I used
97
00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:51,746
to stick
a coat hanger down there.
98
00:03:52,781 --> 00:03:56,701
You ever try that?
Maybe go in through the ear?
99
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,286
You wouldn't make jokes if you
could feel the way I feel.
100
00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:01,672
Well, I don't know
how to do that.
101
00:04:02,991 --> 00:04:04,792
How about this?
102
00:04:04,794 --> 00:04:07,628
I promise I won't pester you
about the DVD.
103
00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:10,765
You can defecate in peace.
104
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,416
That's a win for both of us.
105
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,851
But...
106
00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:16,337
until this matter is resolved,
107
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,888
I would like you
108
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,058
to wear this sweater.
109
00:04:22,277 --> 00:04:25,713
With nothing underneath it.
110
00:04:25,715 --> 00:04:27,031
That's stupid.
111
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,199
Why?
112
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,367
You say it's itchy
and uncomfortable.
113
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:34,205
I say situations like this
make me feel the same way.
114
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,991
I'm telling you, try the hanger.
115
00:04:36,993 --> 00:04:39,109
Put it on.
116
00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:41,462
Let's share the experience.
117
00:04:42,547 --> 00:04:44,632
You got it.
118
00:04:44,634 --> 00:04:46,116
If this sweater
shuts you up,
119
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,418
I'm gonna make a fortune
120
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,503
selling them
to everyone we know.
121
00:04:50,388 --> 00:04:51,505
Now...
122
00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:52,790
all I need to do
123
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,475
is head down to the video store
124
00:04:54,477 --> 00:04:57,511
and return the DVD.
125
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:03,684
Oh, did I forget to tell you?
126
00:05:03,686 --> 00:05:07,404
That store went
out of business years ago.
127
00:05:09,357 --> 00:05:12,576
Really?
128
00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:15,262
How those nipples feeling,
chief?
129
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,984
Penny, can we please
get our drinks?
130
00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:22,336
Yeah, hang on, just give me sec.
131
00:05:22,338 --> 00:05:25,706
At work today, I did an
in vivo stereotaxic surgery.
132
00:05:25,708 --> 00:05:26,924
Cool. At my lab,
133
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,794
I performed ten laser
capture micro-dissections.
134
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:33,097
I scraped gum off the
bottom of that table.
135
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:36,166
Only 'cause my manager
saw me put it there.
136
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:38,001
Oh, my gosh.
137
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,104
That's the girl that
broke Rajesh's heart.
138
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,438
That's Lucy?
139
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,341
I don't know why but I always
pictured her as Indian.
140
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,143
I think that reason's
called racism.
141
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,979
I'm gonna go talk to her.
142
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,781
Why? What are you gonna say?
143
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,949
I'm not gonna
say anything.
144
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,234
I just want
to check her out.
145
00:05:53,236 --> 00:05:54,318
Because she hurt my friend.
146
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,904
My Indian friend.
147
00:05:56,906 --> 00:05:58,455
Who's racist now?
148
00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:00,407
You because you just called him
149
00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:03,527
your "Indian friend."
150
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,130
Yeah, well, you're short.
151
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:10,167
We're never getting
our drinks.
152
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,170
No, but we knew that.
153
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,472
Hey, can I start you off
with something to drink?
154
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:16,874
Oh, water would be great.
155
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:17,892
Okay.
156
00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:20,177
Um, you're Lucy, right?
157
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,879
I'm a friend
of Raj Koothrappali's.
158
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,597
Actually Amy recognized you.
159
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:31,906
Wow.
160
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:33,407
How's he doing?
161
00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:34,859
Oh, you know, he's good.
162
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,026
Great.
163
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,078
Yeah, this is none
of my business.
164
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,448
But why did you break up
with him in an e-mail?
165
00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:43,066
Oh, I don't know.
166
00:06:43,068 --> 00:06:45,836
I guess I thought
it would be easier.
167
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,538
Yeah, I get that.
168
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,006
I'll go get you your water.
169
00:06:51,293 --> 00:06:54,345
When you say "easier,"
170
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,013
you mean easier for you, right?
171
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,265
'Cause it certainly didn't
make it easier for him.
172
00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:00,017
Any chance I can get
173
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,553
a different waitress?
174
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:03,637
I-I'm sorry, this is rude of me.
175
00:07:03,639 --> 00:07:04,855
I will go get that water.
176
00:07:06,424 --> 00:07:08,692
See, see, see, see.
177
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:11,045
Just now you expressed
your feelings to my face.
178
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:12,897
How come you could do that
with me, but not Raj?
179
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:15,449
I don't know your e-mail.
180
00:07:16,751 --> 00:07:17,868
You know what the worst part is?
181
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,203
You're sitting here,
perfectly happy
182
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,155
and he's at home,
a blubbering mess.
183
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:22,740
Oh, I thought you said
he was okay.
184
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:23,958
Well, I also said
I was getting you water,
185
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,876
but look at me
still standing here.
186
00:07:27,662 --> 00:07:28,746
You know, I may be
a bad waitress,
187
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,447
but you are a bad person.
188
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,918
Now, you want
to hear the specials?
189
00:07:52,070 --> 00:07:55,189
So, you can never take it off?
190
00:07:55,191 --> 00:07:56,907
No.
191
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,192
Not even to sleep?
192
00:07:58,194 --> 00:07:59,576
No.
193
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:01,612
So, you're just an idiot?
194
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:04,815
It's called proving a point.
195
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,017
Is the point you're an idiot?
196
00:08:07,953 --> 00:08:09,620
Gentlemen, please.
197
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:13,490
Leonard is trying to walk a mile
in my metaphorical shoes.
198
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:15,626
He can't walk
in my actual shoes.
199
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,845
He has the feet of a toddler.
200
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:21,498
So, how are you gonna
return the DVD
201
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,833
if the store went
out of business?
202
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,952
(groans)
Monday morning I'll go downtown
203
00:08:24,954 --> 00:08:27,187
look up the owner's information.
204
00:08:27,189 --> 00:08:31,025
And send him the DVD.
205
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:34,445
Pay the late fee.
(grunts)
206
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,246
And prove to Sheldon
207
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:37,481
that you can have
a problem and solve it...
208
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,366
(grunts)
209
00:08:39,368 --> 00:08:42,019
...without acting
like a complete lunatic.
210
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,304
Ah!
211
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,991
And the man impersonating
a bear would like everyone
212
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,244
to know that "Only you can
prevent forest fires."
213
00:08:52,196 --> 00:08:54,048
I don't get it.
214
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,916
You didn't have
Smokey the Bear in India?
215
00:08:55,918 --> 00:08:59,336
No. Oh, is he anything
like, uh, Mun-Mun the Mongoose?
216
00:09:00,638 --> 00:09:03,590
He taught us not
to play with cobras.
217
00:09:03,592 --> 00:09:07,428
You had to be taught
not to play with cobras?
218
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:09,596
You had to be taught
219
00:09:09,598 --> 00:09:11,765
not to burn down the forest?
220
00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:22,559
Hey, if you guys were hungry,
why didn't you order
221
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:23,911
something at the restaurant?
222
00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:25,946
We did, you never brought it.
223
00:09:27,365 --> 00:09:29,566
Oh, that's right.
224
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:31,618
Nachos and a turkey club.
225
00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:34,237
Not even close.
226
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:36,006
Well, I was too busy standing up
227
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:38,709
for my friend to worry
about your...
228
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:39,910
I want to say
229
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,128
salmon.
230
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:43,797
You want to say sorry.
231
00:09:47,886 --> 00:09:51,188
So, how are you gonna
tell Raj abut what you did?
232
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,890
What do you mean "how"?
What's the big deal?
233
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:54,975
You told Lucy
he was a pathetic mess.
234
00:09:54,977 --> 00:09:57,194
Then you made her cry and leave.
235
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:59,029
Okay, you guys are overreacting.
236
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,482
Raj is gonna appreciate
how I had his back.
237
00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:03,984
What is wrong
with you, Penny?!
238
00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:05,652
You ruined
any chance I had
239
00:10:05,654 --> 00:10:07,237
of getting back
with Lucy!
240
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,456
(phone chimes) Now she knows
I'm a desperate mess
241
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:11,959
instead of just
being pretty sure!
242
00:10:14,062 --> 00:10:15,612
It's Lucy.
243
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:17,498
She wants to meet
for coffee.
244
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,716
I love you, Penny!
245
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:26,557
Hey, what're you working on?
246
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,759
I'm thinking about
247
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,561
how one could use the fact
248
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,346
that a rapidly
rotating mirror
249
00:10:32,348 --> 00:10:34,565
turns virtual photons
into real ones
250
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,568
as a method of
observing dark energy.
251
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,236
That's a pretty cool idea.
252
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:41,271
Yeah.
It's great you're here.
253
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,890
I'd love to get
an engineer's opinion.
254
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,158
Sure.
255
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,660
This chair is squeaky.
256
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:52,616
Now, do I fix it
or get a new one?
257
00:10:53,885 --> 00:10:56,436
Well, Sheldon,
it took me all morning,
258
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,872
but I found the owner
of the video store.
259
00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:01,658
And I am happy to report that
he died peacefully in his sleep,
260
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,794
drunk at the bottom of a pool.
261
00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:08,048
Anyway, there is no one
to return the DVD to,
262
00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:11,802
so this issue is resolved.
263
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,054
Ah...
264
00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:16,857
And I'd just like
to point out that
265
00:11:16,859 --> 00:11:18,358
even though the sweater
was uncomfortable,
266
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,860
I didn't use it as an excuse
267
00:11:19,862 --> 00:11:22,479
to antagonize
everyone around me.
268
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:24,314
You know,
you could reimburse
269
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,899
the video store owner's
next of kin.
270
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:28,569
Or it's resolved!
271
00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:32,656
Hey, that next of kin thing
sounds pretty good.
272
00:11:34,025 --> 00:11:36,026
I believe
this is yours.
273
00:11:45,118 --> 00:11:47,336
Can I ask you guys
a question?
274
00:11:47,338 --> 00:11:49,288
So, I'm seeing Lucy
tomorrow night,
275
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,089
and I've never hung out with
someone who broke up with me.
276
00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:52,374
How do you do it?
277
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:53,859
You can't let her
know you're hurting.
278
00:11:53,861 --> 00:11:55,360
You know, the key
is confidence.
279
00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:57,796
Why is the key
always confidence?
280
00:11:57,798 --> 00:12:01,383
How come it's never
love handles and flop sweat?
281
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:04,803
If this girl hurt you so much,
282
00:12:04,805 --> 00:12:06,271
are you sure you want
to see her again?
283
00:12:06,273 --> 00:12:07,639
Well, if I may...
284
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,191
he has so little
self-respect
285
00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:11,777
and is so desperate
286
00:12:11,779 --> 00:12:13,645
she could literally sleep
with his own father
287
00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:15,731
in his own bed
and post the video to YouTube,
288
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:17,032
and he'd still
buy her flowers
289
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:19,151
and ask her
to be his bride.
290
00:12:22,071 --> 00:12:23,455
He's right.
291
00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:27,960
But in my defense,
if we could survive that,
292
00:12:27,962 --> 00:12:30,045
we could survive anything.
293
00:12:31,714 --> 00:12:33,081
Well, if you're sure
you want to do this,
294
00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:33,966
it's only coffee...
295
00:12:33,968 --> 00:12:36,168
just relax
and see what happens.
296
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:38,253
Well, can I say
she looks nice?
297
00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:39,087
Sure.
298
00:12:39,089 --> 00:12:40,722
Can I tell her I miss her?
299
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:42,641
Maybe, if she asks.
300
00:12:42,643 --> 00:12:44,476
Oh, can I show her
an oil painting I made
301
00:12:44,478 --> 00:12:47,346
of us surrounded by our
children and grandchildren?
302
00:12:48,464 --> 00:12:51,266
I'd save that
for the second date.
303
00:12:52,201 --> 00:12:53,518
Good, good.
304
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,136
'Cause no matter how hard I try,
305
00:12:55,138 --> 00:12:57,823
I cannot get the twins
to look alike.
306
00:13:03,246 --> 00:13:05,197
What are you doing?
307
00:13:05,199 --> 00:13:08,083
Oh, I'm just trying to find
the stupid next of kin
308
00:13:08,085 --> 00:13:10,152
to this stupid video store owner
309
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:11,853
so I can return the DVD
310
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:14,423
and see the look
on Sheldon's stupid face
311
00:13:14,425 --> 00:13:16,458
when he sees that
I didn't let this get to me.
312
00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,709
(sobbing)
313
00:13:19,045 --> 00:13:20,095
Sheldon's not here.
314
00:13:20,097 --> 00:13:21,380
Why don't you take
the sweater off?
315
00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:23,164
Th-Th-There's a principle
at stake!
316
00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:24,633
Which is?
Oh, I don't know.
317
00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:26,935
Who cares? Look at me!
318
00:13:26,937 --> 00:13:28,470
Oh, my God!
319
00:13:28,472 --> 00:13:30,222
Is that sweater made of bees?
320
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:33,191
Come on, take it off.
I won't tell.
321
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:35,477
No, no, honey,
if I take it off, Sheldon wins.
322
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:36,695
Sweetie...
323
00:13:36,697 --> 00:13:38,697
every night you don't
kill him in his sleep,
324
00:13:38,699 --> 00:13:40,615
he wins.
325
00:13:41,617 --> 00:13:43,702
Nah, i-it's... it's almost done.
326
00:13:43,704 --> 00:13:45,270
I just, I have to find...
(sighs)
327
00:13:45,272 --> 00:13:47,406
the next of kin,
and send 'em the DVD
328
00:13:47,408 --> 00:13:49,574
and then just wait for someone
with my complexion to die
329
00:13:49,576 --> 00:13:52,494
so I can get a skin graft.
330
00:13:52,496 --> 00:13:53,879
(sighs)
Smile.
331
00:13:53,881 --> 00:13:55,130
What-what is that?
332
00:13:55,132 --> 00:13:56,148
What is that for?
333
00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:57,666
So you can send it to Princeton
334
00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,418
and get your money back.
335
00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:04,723
AMY:
must say, Sheldon,
336
00:14:04,725 --> 00:14:06,458
you're handling
this DVD business
337
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,126
with an impressive
amount of maturity.
338
00:14:08,128 --> 00:14:10,629
I don't know why
that surprises you.
339
00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:11,663
I'm a grown man.
340
00:14:11,665 --> 00:14:14,032
As should be evident
by this sport coat
341
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:17,669
and very real flower
in my lapel.
342
00:14:17,671 --> 00:14:21,023
Is there some kind of new coping
mechanism you're employing?
343
00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:24,326
The more interesting question
you should be asking is,
344
00:14:24,328 --> 00:14:27,279
"What does this
flower smell like?"
345
00:14:28,531 --> 00:14:30,182
I'm gonna go with sad.
346
00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:32,601
So what's the story
347
00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:34,036
with you and this DVD?
348
00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:35,570
There's nothing to tell.
349
00:14:35,572 --> 00:14:37,572
Maybe I purchased
a book entitled,
350
00:14:37,574 --> 00:14:39,174
Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff
351
00:14:39,176 --> 00:14:41,910
and I followed
its wise suggestions,
352
00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:43,178
one of which was:
353
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:45,347
stop and smell the flowers.
354
00:14:46,632 --> 00:14:48,100
Seriously?
355
00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:50,268
Please.
356
00:14:54,357 --> 00:14:55,607
(slight hiss)
357
00:14:55,609 --> 00:14:57,609
Ha-ha!
358
00:14:57,611 --> 00:14:59,528
Oh.
359
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:07,786
Hi.
Hello.
360
00:15:07,788 --> 00:15:09,771
Oh, it's so good
to see you.
361
00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:10,956
You, too.
362
00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:11,940
Please, sit.
363
00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:14,576
I, uh, I got you
a cappuccino.
364
00:15:14,578 --> 00:15:15,794
I remembered
it was your favorite.
365
00:15:15,796 --> 00:15:17,579
Oh.
I also got crumb cake,
366
00:15:17,581 --> 00:15:20,082
but I remembered it was
my favorite and I ate it.
367
00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:23,952
Anyway, uh,
how are you?
368
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:25,754
I'm pretty good.
369
00:15:25,756 --> 00:15:28,256
Listen, I just wanted
to apologize
370
00:15:28,258 --> 00:15:30,592
for breaking up
with you in an e-mail.
371
00:15:30,594 --> 00:15:31,760
Well, and I ate all the
crumb cake.
372
00:15:31,762 --> 00:15:33,512
we both made
mistakes.
373
00:15:33,514 --> 00:15:35,463
Okay.
374
00:15:35,465 --> 00:15:37,516
I'm so happy
you asked me here,
375
00:15:37,518 --> 00:15:39,351
and I hope we can
hang out again sometime.
376
00:15:39,353 --> 00:15:40,802
You know,
as friends,
377
00:15:40,804 --> 00:15:43,772
lovemaking partners,
whatever.
378
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,825
Oh, uh...
379
00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:49,277
I'm kind of
seeing someone.
380
00:15:50,863 --> 00:15:52,781
I think I know
the answer to this,
381
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:55,333
but just to be clear,
it's not me, right?
382
00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:58,920
This is all
your fault!
383
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,322
I should've
listened to Mun-Mun
384
00:16:01,324 --> 00:16:02,841
because I've been
playing with a cobra
385
00:16:02,843 --> 00:16:04,543
and her name is Penny!
386
00:16:04,545 --> 00:16:06,428
Why are you so cruel?
387
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:08,130
Do you enjoy my pain?
388
00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:10,265
There's a girl at the Cheesecake
Factory I can set you up with.
389
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:12,467
I love you, Penny!
390
00:16:15,504 --> 00:16:18,473
How is it I can
conceptualize a methodology
391
00:16:18,475 --> 00:16:20,976
of examining dark matter
in the universe
392
00:16:20,978 --> 00:16:23,445
but can't figure out how
to fix a novelty squirt flower?
393
00:16:24,897 --> 00:16:26,348
I think the real
question is,
394
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:29,734
why do you waste your time with cheap,
childish pranks?
395
00:16:29,736 --> 00:16:31,953
There's probably a deep reason.
396
00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:34,322
Which I'd be happy
to discuss with you
397
00:16:34,324 --> 00:16:36,541
over some peanut brittle
in a can.
398
00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:40,328
Okay, Sheldon,
I am out of options!
399
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,362
(door slams)
400
00:16:41,364 --> 00:16:43,298
Video store owner,
Nursis Manookian,
401
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:44,866
has no next of kin!
402
00:16:44,868 --> 00:16:47,919
Well, you seem hot
under the collar...
403
00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,038
or is that the sweater?
404
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,423
Oh, oh, no, no.
405
00:16:51,425 --> 00:16:53,508
I-It's because
I spent all afternoon
406
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:55,877
at the Armenian church where
his funeral mass was held.
407
00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:57,879
According to
Father Solakian,
408
00:16:57,881 --> 00:16:59,264
no one attended.
409
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,233
Luckily, my trip
wasn't a complete waste.
410
00:17:01,235 --> 00:17:02,851
I lit a candle and
prayed for your death.
411
00:17:02,853 --> 00:17:05,520
But I'm not Armenian,
so it probably won't work!
412
00:17:06,822 --> 00:17:09,357
This is over, right?
413
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,276
Oh, not necessarily.
414
00:17:11,278 --> 00:17:13,028
I suggest
415
00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,996
you look for long-lost relatives
416
00:17:14,998 --> 00:17:18,366
either in Armenia or Lebanon.
417
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:21,920
Listen to me, Sheldon.
418
00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:24,005
I am not going to Lebanon
419
00:17:24,007 --> 00:17:27,909
to return Super Mario Bros.
the movie!
420
00:17:28,878 --> 00:17:31,429
You know, it might be fun.
421
00:17:31,431 --> 00:17:33,014
You love hummus.
422
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:36,417
Why isn't this
bothering you?
423
00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:38,803
I-Isn't your brain
getting itchy?
424
00:17:38,805 --> 00:17:41,223
This is
on your card.
425
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:43,591
This could be ruining
your credit score!
426
00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:46,278
Why isn't this
making you crazy?
427
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:51,149
Leonard...
428
00:17:51,151 --> 00:17:53,434
I have something
to tell you,
429
00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:56,437
but I want you to promise
not to flip out.
430
00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:58,873
What?
431
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:01,109
Seven years ago,
432
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:03,078
I found out
the DVD was late
433
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,412
and I paid for it.
434
00:18:12,505 --> 00:18:15,307
What?
435
00:18:15,309 --> 00:18:17,225
I was going to mention
it at the time,
436
00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:20,428
but then I thought,
some day,
437
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:23,581
this might be
a teachable moment.
438
00:18:36,579 --> 00:18:38,780
Hah...
439
00:18:46,572 --> 00:18:48,206
I... You...
440
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,624
How can...
441
00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:51,826
What?!
442
00:18:55,848 --> 00:18:57,716
Sheldon...
443
00:18:57,718 --> 00:19:00,302
that was diabolical.
444
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:01,636
I know.
445
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:04,356
And it wasn't easy.
446
00:19:04,358 --> 00:19:06,107
Do you have any idea
what it's like
447
00:19:06,109 --> 00:19:08,343
to wait for years and never know
448
00:19:08,345 --> 00:19:11,313
if you're going to finally
get satisfaction?
449
00:19:21,401 --> 00:19:22,851
Wow.
450
00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:24,719
You're even prettier
than Penny said.
451
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:25,988
I can't believe
452
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,573
a girl like you
doesn't have a boyfriend.
453
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:28,824
Well, I don't.
454
00:19:28,826 --> 00:19:31,009
I don't believe you,
you're lying to me!
455
00:19:31,894 --> 00:19:33,061
What?
456
00:19:33,063 --> 00:19:34,363
Oh, it's okay.
457
00:19:34,365 --> 00:19:36,081
I have no morals and
I'm desperately lonely.
458
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,282
I'll be the other man
459
00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:40,118
if you want a little
something-something on the side.
460
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,004
What is wrong
with you?!
461
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,672
What is wrong with you?!
462
00:19:43,674 --> 00:19:45,340
What is wrong with you?!
463
00:19:45,342 --> 00:19:50,342
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man