1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:06,268
Are you getting ready for your nightly
Skype date with Andy in London?
2
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,739
You look lovely. I'm going to
murder you a thousand times.
3
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,137
Okay.
4
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,204
What the hell?
5
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,673
Someone's
back from London
6
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,774
No, it's not the Queen
7
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:21,581
Someone's back from London
It's not Mr. Bean
8
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:25,317
It's not the royal baby
I think his name is Jeff
9
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:26,882
Stop singing and kiss me.
10
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:30,159
Oh, my God! What are
you doing here?
11
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:31,730
I just missed you so bad, honey,
12
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,288
I bought myself a ticket home.
13
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,859
You're never going to
need that computer again.
14
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,864
Because I'm home for,
like, nineteen hours.
15
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,407
This is so sweet.
Just like the old days.
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,476
Take a hike, Jerry.
17
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,772
It's Larry now.
18
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,369
Okay. Take a hike, Larry.
19
00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:00,000
Ripped By mstoll
20
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:12,804
Next order of business, Councilman
Jamm proposes Bill 949-C.
21
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:13,896
That's right, Stretch.
22
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:16,533
And looking mighty fly
in that suit, brother.
23
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,004
Okay.
This excellent bill
24
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,672
only allows someone to vote
in a Pawnee election,
25
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,614
for example, the upcoming
recall election,
26
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:27,084
if their ID lists
an official Pawnee address.
27
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,950
Really, Councilman?
Again?
28
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,352
The recall
election is coming up,
29
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,823
and Jamm keeps trying to figure
out ways to screw me over.
30
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,494
Last week, he tried to have
me listed on the ballot
31
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,120
as Leslie Buttface
Hitler the Fourth.
32
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:39,889
All you're trying to
do is disenfranchise
33
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,433
the people from former Eagleton,
34
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,900
people who will most
likely vote for me
35
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,459
because I saved
a lot of their jobs.
36
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,165
I move that we table the discussion
until after the election.
37
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,935
Second. Ah.
Thank you.
38
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:51,566
I'm so sorry. I just get
excited when you like me.
39
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,039
I put my career on the
line by saving Eagleton,
40
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,083
and he is trying to
rob me of their votes?
41
00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,208
Those are my votes.
I've earned them.
42
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,650
I want them.
Give me those votes.
43
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,187
I don't have them on me.
44
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,416
I can't believe Jamm
tried to pull that crap.
45
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,049
I can.
He's a horrible monster.
46
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,991
But let's focus on
the more important issue.
47
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,789
You want to squeeze in
one more practice session?
48
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,728
Oh, do I.
49
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:15,161
Tonight, I am throwing Ben
his dream birthday party.
50
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,136
A roller skating bash
with an early '90s theme.
51
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,465
Ben lives for the early '90s.
52
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,474
The music, the fashion.
It's his favorite era.
53
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,474
As for the roller skating...
54
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,875
I have a thing for
women in skates, okay?
55
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,945
Everyone has a thing,
and that's mine.
56
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,650
As far as things go,
it's pretty innocuous.
57
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:35,321
I could be one of those dudes that
kisses mannequins or whatever.
58
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,879
But I like a woman in skates.
59
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,424
A lot.
60
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:45,523
Hey, Ann. Ann called. She
wants her ugly outfit back.
61
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,030
Why are you dressed
as a pilgrim?
62
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,763
Leslie said it was a "Come As You
Were in the Nineties" party.
63
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,498
I assumed it was the 1690s.
64
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,937
Babe, if it was the 1690s,
we'd all be mummies.
65
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,373
What do you think mummies are?
66
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,101
Skeletons?
Oh, boy.
67
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,080
Hey. I just came straight from
work, so I couldn't dress up.
68
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:04,446
No problem. You look "wiggity,
wiggity, wiggity, wiggity" wonderful.
69
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,883
Wait a minute. Pants on backwards.
Kris Kross, right?
70
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,347
Nice.
71
00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:10,946
Uh, what happens when
you have to pee?
72
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:14,356
I actually just went. I had to pull
my pants all the way to the ground
73
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,689
like a toddler.
74
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,061
Nadia,
the super-hot doctor,
75
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,723
has been hanging out with
me for the last week.
76
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:21,790
She's definitely
out of my league.
77
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,268
Actually, we're not
even playing the same sport.
78
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,702
It's kind of like
she's in the NBA,
79
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,104
and I work in a muffler
store next to the stadium.
80
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,367
I can't believe
we met just before
81
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,773
you have to go on
your stupid vacation.
82
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:34,335
I'm doing Doctors Without Borders, man.
I'm going to Rwanda.
83
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:36,314
Exactly.
That's a stupid vacation.
84
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,647
Okay. Well, why don't you
win me that huge-ass bear
85
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:40,943
as a going-away present?
86
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,453
No problem.
I'm a skee ball master.
87
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,422
No way.
Why didn't you go pro?
88
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,147
Hmm. I don't know. I didn't
want to be a cliché.
89
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,421
Yet another professional
Indian skee ball player?
90
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:49,586
Right.
91
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,795
Now, that's
what I call shooting.
92
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,766
Is this a hunting game?
93
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:57,928
Yeah, it's fun.
You want to play?
94
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,028
Indeed, I do.
95
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,303
If you'd like, I could
offer you some pointers.
96
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:08,141
Hunting, Donna, is about
silence, balance, and patience.
97
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,208
Get ready.
98
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:16,012
Hey, you know you're supposed
to hit the deer, right?
99
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,322
Get it together,
Swanson.
100
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:23,760
Well, the game is absurd.
101
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,821
I mean, this gun is
lightweight, there's no sight,
102
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,990
and we are far too
close to these deer.
103
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,261
Would they not smell us?
104
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,727
I want my money back.
How do I get my quarters?
105
00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:33,795
Oh, my God! You are
such a sore loser.
106
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,068
I am not a sore loser. It's
just that I prefer to win.
107
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:39,009
And when I don't,
I get furious. Employee!
108
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,841
Whoa! Watch this.
109
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,543
Oh-ho, that was
brilliant. Sorry.
110
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:46,710
You probably don't
know what that means.
111
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,651
You know how you Americans say
"cool" when something's cool?
112
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,951
Over in London,
we say, "That's brilliant."
113
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,491
Speaking of London.
114
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,890
You haven't told me anything about work.
Do you still love it?
115
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,192
Yeah, it's awesome. I'm kicking ass.
I'm like Chuck Norris.
116
00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:03,529
Only instead of crushing bad guys'
skulls, I'm crushing documents.
117
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,462
That's great.
Yeah.
118
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,369
Now, be the Chuck Norris
of making out with me.
119
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,409
I'll karate punch
your face with my tongue.
120
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,406
Prove it.
"Hi-ya."
121
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,711
Get this. I just asked the
DJ what REM albums he has.
122
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:21,680
He's got Monster, but not
Automatic for the People.
123
00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,485
Wow.
I know.
124
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:27,184
It's like, what is this, a mid-'90s party?
No, it's an early '90s party.
125
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,784
Okay, Larry,
tell us how this looks.
126
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:31,853
Ben wants to do a synchronized
couples' skate to Losing My Religion.
127
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,262
Hit it.
128
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:41,306
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie! I'm
sorry, but we have a problem.
129
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,074
His name is Jeremy Jamm.
130
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,706
Well, as noted
in Article Nine...
131
00:05:44,777 --> 00:05:47,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Jamm, I
thought this bill was tabled.
132
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,982
Yes. And I called a special
session and un-tabled it.
133
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,013
What is up with
the roller skates?
134
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,351
I was about to attend a roller skating
birthday party for my husband.
135
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:57,446
But this is more important.
136
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:58,990
Yeah, I don't care.
I'm a blades guy.
137
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:00,218
Point of order.
138
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,294
The Councilwoman wishes
to speak on this issue.
139
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,854
Will the Councilwoman yield her
time so we can vote on this sucker?
140
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,866
No. I will not yield.
141
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,695
Nor will I yield for
the rest of the evening.
142
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:11,964
A filibuster?
143
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,866
Are you dooking on
my chest right now?
144
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:18,032
No, gross. And yes, it's
a filibuster. Okay?
145
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,011
I am not willing to
let you deprive me.
146
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,343
She is filibustering
on roller skates?
147
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:24,349
She's going to be strapped
into those things for hours.
148
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,078
I know this is a dire situation.
149
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:29,883
But I swear to God, this is like
a crazy sex fantasy for me.
150
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,333
How goes it?
Pretty good.
151
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,592
Except I suck at skee ball.
152
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,694
Well, that's too bad. Because
if you don't win me that bear,
153
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:46,796
you're dead to me.
154
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,771
Understood. Hey, man. How many
tickets for that bear again?
155
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:50,831
Forty thousand.
156
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,878
Forty thousand?
Oh, brother.
157
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,012
All right, you're going to
be my lookout for a second.
158
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:56,273
All right.
159
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,677
Hey, is he allowed to do that?
160
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,480
No. Get off the ramp, dude.
161
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,745
Hey. You're supposed
to be my lookout.
162
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,551
I thought it would be funnier
to watch you get busted.
163
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,888
Hey, you're a doctor. You
know snitches get stitches.
164
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,688
I remember
the first time I voted.
165
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,324
I was in my bedroom,
and I was five.
166
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,559
I voted for Mildred,
my stuffed pig.
167
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,864
But my cat, Pancakes, won.
She had more funding.
168
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,504
Politics, right?
What are you going to do?
169
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,835
How long have I been talking? Three hours?
No, eight minutes. Okay.
170
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,501
Maybe you should
yield the floor.
171
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:28,069
Milton doesn't have a lot
of time left on Earth.
172
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:29,807
Hey, just kidding, bud.
173
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,679
Will someone open my crackers?
174
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:35,209
The session ends at 11:00 p.m.
She has to talk the whole time.
175
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,188
She can't lean on
anything for support,
176
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:38,814
and no one else can help her.
177
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,586
Three strikes and she is done.
178
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:44,024
This is literally the most exciting
thing that I have ever seen.
179
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,796
I mean, think about it.
Where else on earth
180
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,526
would you rather spend
your birthday with Leslie?
181
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,625
Well, maybe the birthday party
182
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,727
she's throwing for me right now.
183
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:55,205
Everyone in Pawnee should
have the right to vote. Whoa!
184
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:58,777
Uh, as I dissect this important
and profound statement,
185
00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:00,970
I'm just going to take
these off for a second.
186
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,311
Bam. Strike one.
No sitting.
187
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:06,916
Is the gong really necessary?
188
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,011
Yes, it is.
I love Chinese crap.
189
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:13,892
Lucy Liu, Nintendo, Gangnam Style,
sushi, et cetera, et cetera.
190
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,351
Also, more importantly, it's in the rules.
No sitting.
191
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,057
Okay, fine. Well, a strike is
worth it if I can take these off.
192
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:20,291
Oh, man.
193
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:25,400
Oh, my God! I had this
exact bear when I was a kid.
194
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,504
Excuse me.
Huh?
195
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,097
How much does this bear cost?
196
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,574
Forty thousand tickets.
197
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:31,632
Okay, well, let's just assume
198
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:34,874
that I'm an adult who doesn't have
two weeks to play arcade games.
199
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,612
What about, um, fifty bucks?
200
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,475
Yeah. Just don't
tell my boss.
201
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,553
What are you doing, Morris?
Nothing, Mr. Bonderman.
202
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,386
Tuck in your shirt. God.
Sorry.
203
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,318
Oh. You feeling it?
204
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,327
Wow, you suck at this.
205
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,629
Donna, please back up two paces
206
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,862
so I can physically
destroy this machine.
207
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,564
Can you chill a little, man?
208
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:03,899
It's not real hunting. It's just a game.
That you happen to suck at.
209
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,973
You know what?
That's a good point.
210
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:07,738
What?
That you suck at this?
211
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:10,907
That it's not real hunting.
Come with me.
212
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,147
I don't want you to go back to London.
Just remember.
213
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:20,885
Every time you look up at the moon,
I too, will be looking at a moon.
214
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,190
Not the same moon, obviously.
That's impossible.
215
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,054
See you on stupid Skype.
216
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,096
I'm proud of Andy.
217
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,336
This is the first time he's
really gone out on a limb.
218
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:37,372
I knew if he found something that he
actually liked doing, he'd be happy.
219
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,705
So, I'm...
220
00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,071
What the hell. What.
221
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:47,043
Hey! Perkins! What are
you doing with my bear?
222
00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:49,610
I've been playing skee ball for two
hours, trying to win that for Nadia.
223
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,088
I just bought it
for fifty bucks.
224
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,052
When I was a kid, I taught myself
how to make out on this bear.
225
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:56,285
I pretended it was Cockroach
from The Cosby Show.
226
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:57,954
Hey. What's going on here?
227
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,691
Why does Blossom have my bear?
228
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,892
I bought it for myself.
229
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,163
But apparently, he was trying to
win it for you. So, I'm sorry.
230
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,225
I still have some
tickets, though.
231
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:09,764
I can get you a Ninja Turtle
balloon, or Cliffhanger on VHS.
232
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,504
Aw. That's so sweet, but you're
basically offering me garbage.
233
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,007
Let's just skate.
234
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,249
That bear was the only
thing she was gonna
235
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,841
have to remember
me by in Rwanda.
236
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,353
And if I know anything about Rwanda...
And I don't.
237
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,288
I bet it's full of rich guys who
will buy her whatever she wants.
238
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:33,157
Hunting.
No quarters required.
239
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:36,561
Hang on.
240
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,227
Do you have a license
to hunt at night?
241
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,037
Because you need a license.
242
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,505
I thought you were serious.
243
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,743
Come on, now. You know I
don't give a.
244
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,477
As Ronald Reagan would say,
245
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:59,991
"Well, Mommy, I believe
voting rights are important."
246
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,150
Does anyone else
think it's hot in here?
247
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,217
These overalls
are really starchy.
248
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:06,458
Oh, yeah, maybe that's because I
turned up the heat to 90 and,
249
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,363
oh, the knob broke
off in my hand.
250
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:10,958
Oops.
251
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:12,997
Well, speaking of heat,
252
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,405
we should discuss America's white
hot passion for voting rights,
253
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,466
and the men and women
who help protect them.
254
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:21,274
Like the local city
councilwoman, who is starving
255
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,746
and thinking about her husband's
256
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,282
Reservoir Dogs
themed birthday cake
257
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,647
and wanting to
eat it really badly.
258
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,151
Oh, this is not a good sign.
259
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:29,454
Once she starts thinking
about birthday cake,
260
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,855
she's basically useless
until she eats birthday cake.
261
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,788
Democracy is not unlike a cake.
262
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,889
It's layered, delicious,
chocolate, and I want some.
263
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:39,362
Okay, she's fading, Ben.
264
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,626
We need to find a way to smuggle
265
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,964
some mineral oil drops
onto her tongue.
266
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:44,899
Oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
267
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,029
Excuse me. What the hell
are you people doing here?
268
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,404
We represent the citizens
of former Eagleton.
269
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:51,170
We're here to
support Leslie Knope
270
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,870
for preserving
our voting rights.
271
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:56,240
Thank you. You are all
warriors of democracy.
272
00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:01,110
You know, it was the first mayor
of Pawnee in 1817 who said,
273
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:03,348
"All we have is
the right to vote.
274
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,557
"And the right to kill
Indians without consequence."
275
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:09,453
And I believe that half of that
statement is still true today.
276
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,032
All right! Second wind.
277
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,633
Andy, I know you're in there.
278
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:20,802
Andy, come on.
279
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:25,735
Oh. Hey.
280
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,280
I was just here in this
dumpster, because I jumped in.
281
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,408
Get out.
We need to talk.
282
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:34,541
About what?
283
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:39,686
Fresh air. Real weapons.
An honest kill.
284
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,585
There is no substitute
for the real thing.
285
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,730
You want to go back and play
that video game, don't you?
286
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,359
Yes. Damn it.
287
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:57,467
It is so inspiring to see Eagletonians
putting aside their prejudices.
288
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,374
With support like this,
Leslie Knope
289
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,039
may stand a fighting
chance on recall day.
290
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,113
Permission to hug you?
Granted.
291
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:09,043
I should mention, though, that
we're not voting to keep Leslie.
292
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,682
What? We want someone
from Eagleton
293
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:14,191
to represent our interests
on the new City Council.
294
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,524
Sir, I formally revoke our hug.
295
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,324
Well, you can't.
It happened.
296
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:24,266
We stand on the side of Rosa Parks.
And Gandhi. And Team Aniston.
297
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:30,900
One small vote for Pawnee is one
giant leap of voting for mankind.
298
00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,773
Hey. Hey, you're not allowed to
receive help from the crowd.
299
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:35,836
That's strike two.
300
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,813
Hey, man. Leave my gong alone.
The reverb is the best part.
301
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,580
If I save your right to vote,
302
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,714
you're going to vote
for someone from Eagleton?
303
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:48,690
Eagleton! Eagleton!
304
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,428
Hey, Knope, wrap it up.
305
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,795
I'm not going to yield.
I just...
306
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,390
I need some time to think.
307
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,493
And because I must keep talking,
308
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,060
I'm going to think
out loud. Okay.
309
00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:01,569
If Eagletonians
vote for someone else,
310
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,666
then it would be in my best
interest to stop, right?
311
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,505
So they can't vote.
312
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:08,569
Uh, duh-doy!
313
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,639
Yield.
Or I keep going.
314
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:15,282
Because the right to vote is
fundamental in any democracy.
315
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,346
And this is bigger than me or anyone.
I don't care if I lose.
316
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,353
No one prevents people
in my town from voting.
317
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,683
Not on my watch.
318
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:24,757
The filibuster is on.
319
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:32,469
I can't go back to London. I'm totally
in over my head on this project.
320
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,096
Every day, someone comes
up to me and says,
321
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,274
"I need your approval
on this, Mr. Dwyer.
322
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:37,866
"I need your
signature, Mr. Dwyer.
323
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,342
"That's not a toilet,
Mr. Dwyer."
324
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:41,641
But you said everything
was going awesome.
325
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,942
You said you were
like Chuck Norris.
326
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,245
I am. But I'm like
Chuck Norris now.
327
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,842
Some old guy with a beard who
used to be good at karate,
328
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,387
but became a dumb has-been,
329
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:53,347
and is scared and confused
about his big London job.
330
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:54,684
Okay.
The parallels
331
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:56,590
between he and I are very eerie.
332
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:59,195
I'm going to tell you a secret
about everyone else's job.
333
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,387
Okay.
334
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,195
No one knows what they're doing.
335
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,169
I don't know how to run an
Animal Control department.
336
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,501
Half the documents I get,
I put right into the shredder
337
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,801
because they're so boring.
338
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,899
But you seem like you do
know what you're doing.
339
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,273
Yeah, I seem like it.
340
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,841
Deep down, everyone is just faking
it until they figure it out.
341
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:18,875
And you will, too.
342
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,146
Because you are awesome
and everyone else sucks.
343
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,715
Thirty minutes to go.
344
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,348
Oh, God! It's so hot.
345
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,056
Almost as hot as the flames
346
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:33,058
that Eagleton would've gone down
in if I had not saved them.
347
00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:39,370
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
348
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:45,469
How I know you would love
an ice-cold frozen marg.
349
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,970
All I want is
the promise of democracy.
350
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,507
You sure about that?
351
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,173
I want that marg.
I know you do.
352
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,450
I want that margarita. Oh,
it's going to be so good.
353
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,487
So cold. So cold.
354
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,610
I want to drink it.
355
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,020
Make that heat go away.
356
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,852
Come on, get.
357
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,454
Come on, girl. Get.
358
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:04,123
You give
me that margarita.
359
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,592
No. I want votes.
360
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,063
Excuse me, worker.
361
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:16,335
Bring me a bucket of beers and four
hot dogs, please and thank you.
362
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,399
Why are you covered in blood?
363
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,808
Don't worry.
It's not human.
364
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,245
I hope you've made peace with
your God, small electronic deer.
365
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:26,807
Get it.
366
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,718
Ann, I need that bear.
367
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,277
I've got to give
Nadia something awesome
368
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:31,948
so she'll remember me
when she's in Africa.
369
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:35,482
Tom, bear or no bear,
she clearly likes you.
370
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:40,063
Actually, how do you even get girls
like her or me to go out with you?
371
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:43,192
Scientists say the emotions of love and
hate are very close to each other.
372
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:44,427
That's what I tell women.
373
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:46,803
Point is, she's leaving
in two days.
374
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,369
You want her to remember you?
375
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,409
Go spend time with her and do
something memorable, dummy.
376
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,501
Thanks, Ann.
377
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:54,469
I know conversations like
this are hard for you
378
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:55,808
because you still
have feelings for me.
379
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,781
But you'll land
on your feet, kid.
380
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,715
Run or I punch you.
No punchies!
381
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,246
Okay.
Bye for real this time.
382
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:08,653
Wait, wait, wait.
383
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,422
I made you five
bologna sandwiches in case
384
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,020
you get hungry on
the way to the airport.
385
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,622
Did you... Yes, I used
cookies instead of bread.
386
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,934
You think of everything.
I love you.
387
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:18,128
Love you, too.
388
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,107
Are you kidding me?
389
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:29,239
Andy.
Ha-ha! Found it.
390
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:32,115
I got it. I left my wallet
in here earlier, I guess.
391
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,347
Whoo! All good now.
392
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,078
Ooh! Look, noodles!
393
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,555
No, no, no. Babe.
Babe. Don't touch those.
394
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,219
I've read the entire charter.
395
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,226
There's no other way
to get her a bathroom break.
396
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:48,330
Unless we bring the bathroom to her.
That's nothing.
397
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,868
No, I mean, she's not going to make it.
Look at her.
398
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:52,403
She's dancing around
like she's a character
399
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,098
in one of those
Peanuts cartoons.
400
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:57,304
Okay.
In these last few minutes,
401
00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:01,640
I would like to talk about The
Voting Rights Act of 1965.
402
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:05,944
While clenching every muscle in my body.
Sound good?
403
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,275
Hey, Knope,
how you feeling over there?
404
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:11,650
You need to go pee-pee? Pee-pee times?
Make wee-wee?
405
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:12,747
Five more seconds.
406
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:16,283
Four! Three! Two! One!
407
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:19,360
This session is adjourned.
408
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,059
All pending matters are tabled.
409
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,068
Yes!
410
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,599
You were amazing.
I love you, but move.
411
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,436
I have to go to the whizz palace.
Oh, wait.
412
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,307
My beautiful curls!
413
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:38,278
She didn't have time to hug
me, but she could do that?
414
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:44,016
Hey, Ann. Can I talk to you
for a second about Tom?
415
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,353
Sure. You guys look
like you're having fun.
416
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,915
Yeah, no, I really like him.
417
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,789
Uh, I just wanted to say that
I think you're really cool.
418
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,659
And the fact that Tom dated you
419
00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:54,221
makes me think he's
a really good guy.
420
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:57,767
That's so sweet.
Oh. Okay.
421
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,735
What the hell?
Now!
422
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,796
Sorry, Ann.
This is on you.
423
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:03,864
You told us to make a memory.
424
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,705
- There's your money back.
- Let go!
425
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,340
Suck it!
426
00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:10,581
This is eight dollars.
427
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,846
Man, that was so much fun.
Yeah.
428
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:16,220
Together, we truly did steal a
toy from your pregnant friend.
429
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:18,889
Hey, can I ask you something?
430
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,716
I know we just met, like,
two weeks ago and whatever.
431
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:27,263
But is there any chance, maybe
when you get back, we can maybe...
432
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,663
Ugh! Clingy.
433
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,259
Oh, no. Sorry.
No, no, no.
434
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:32,633
I'm kidding.
435
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,370
Of course I'll call you
when I come back. Really?
436
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,634
Yeah.
437
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,208
So long, suckers!
438
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:40,467
What?
439
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:41,668
Ugh.
Quick!
440
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,208
Oh.
441
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:47,309
Come on, come on, come on.
442
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:48,785
Now, that's
what I call shooting.
443
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,012
That's a new record.
444
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,214
Hey, look at that.
445
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,388
You finally made
it into the top ten.
446
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,121
Now, you can
enter your initials.
447
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:57,128
My initials are private.
448
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:59,090
Well, then, just put
in any three letters.
449
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,707
Oh, my God.
That was epic.
450
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:15,508
I was peeing so freaking hard,
it was like a Jacuzzi jet or...
451
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,481
Hi, Leslie.
Hey. Ingrid.
452
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,909
I wasn't talking about
the velocity of my pee.
453
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,476
Because you are a very
smart and classy lady.
454
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:25,785
Ben, you remember Ingrid De
Forest from the former Eagleton.
455
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,415
Yeah. She was just
telling me she's been
456
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,960
nominated to run
against you in the recall.
457
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,758
Wow. Buzzkill.
458
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:36,289
I know you must hate me right now, Leslie.
And that's justified.
459
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:39,360
But I need to thank you for
what you just did in there.
460
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,933
Not that forceful urination.
The filibuster.
461
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,031
Right. Yeah.
462
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:46,100
It was incredibly courageous
and it was selfless.
463
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:48,373
And if I do win,
I'm going to have
464
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:50,005
very big roller skates to fill.
465
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,711
Could I take you out
for a celebratory plate of,
466
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:54,979
I think you call them waffles?
467
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:57,417
Wow. That is the best
offer you could ever make.
468
00:20:57,522 --> 00:21:00,389
But I had to miss my husband's
birthday party for this,
469
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,552
so I think I'll be spending
the evening with him.
470
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:04,718
A rain check, maybe.
Please.
471
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,032
I'm sorry your birthday party
got all screwed up.
472
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:11,597
Maybe I should put
those roller skates back on.
473
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:12,728
Well, you must be exhausted.
474
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:13,793
We don't have to
go to the party.
475
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,201
Oh, we're not going
to the party.
476
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:17,100
We're going home.
477
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,235
Then, why would you need
to put on roller skates?
478
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:21,979
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
479
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,777
Yeah. We're just...
Just. Skates.
480
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:36,500
Ripped By mstoll