1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,367
Business at Rent A Swag
could not be better.
2
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,370
Yesterday, Jaden Smith
came in, and he was like...
3
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:08,999
"Look. I want to quit the music/acting
business and work here with you."
4
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,131
And I was like,
5
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,371
"Jaden, be serious. The world needs you.
You have a gift."
6
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,743
Ever since my client opened
his store across the street,
7
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:18,477
your sales have plummeted. It's only a matter
of time before you're out of business.
8
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,547
But my client has had
a moment of weakness...
9
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,089
Something he referred
to as "sympathy."
10
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,522
He's made you a final offer.
11
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:29,323
$40,000 for Rent A Swag
and all of its contents.
12
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,658
I suggest you take it.
13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,392
Well, I've heard all the facts and
it's pretty obvious what I have to do.
14
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,595
Get a big old mug
of hot chocolate,
15
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,659
put on my thinking PJs,
and get back to you.
16
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,802
The offer's valid for 48 hours.
17
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,005
We would also be interested in
acquiring your thinking PJs.
18
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,209
Listen to me very carefully.
19
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,442
No matter what happens,
you will never
20
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:54,449
acquire my thinking PJs
or my YouTube blazer.
21
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:58,189
Non-negotiable.
22
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:10,000
Ripped By mstoll
23
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,874
Sorry.
24
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,471
Larry, everyone else
was able to make it
25
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,641
to the committee
meeting on time.
26
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,183
What's your excuse?
I was voting for you
27
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:28,516
in the recall election. Lots of
people wearing Leslie Knope buttons.
28
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,680
La-la-la...
29
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:32,884
No discussion about the recall election
until the polls close at 8:00.
30
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,787
Let's focus on
what we can control.
31
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,863
In 24 hours, we are going
to transform City Hall
32
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,024
into the best haunted house
Pawnee has ever seen.
33
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,398
There's been a mistake.
This says that I'm in charge
34
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,334
of the "Silly Skeleton Room."
35
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,032
When, really, it should say the
"Undead Serial Killer Room."
36
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:48,938
Who do I talk to
about changing this?
37
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:52,169
It's Recall Day.
I've made my case.
38
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,837
And the latest polls
have it as a dead heat.
39
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,813
So, there's nothing
left to do but wait.
40
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,982
But I'm fine. I mean, I've got stuff to do.
I'm planning a haunted house.
41
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:03,951
Plus... Um...
It's Kevin Pollak's birthday.
42
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,483
That's something
to focus on today.
43
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:09,092
Who cares about the recall?
It's Kevin's day.
44
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,221
I don't know what to do. I could
take the offer and break even,
45
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,426
but I've come so far.
46
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,596
Ron. Can you put some more tiny
marshmallows in my hot "chocky"?
47
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:21,964
Thank you.
48
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,601
If there was something
I could do for you, I would.
49
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:27,907
Maybe you should try taking a walk.
Out of my office.
50
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,380
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
51
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:31,912
Ron! You're in bloosh!
52
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:36,512
What? Ron's in bloosh?
Ron is in bloosh.
53
00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:37,815
(LAUGHS)
54
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,352
What is bloosh?
55
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,425
Bloosh is a weekly lifestyle
e-mail written by Annabel Porter.
56
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,495
She used to be the face
of the Eagleton phone book.
57
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:47,128
Then, she moved to Hollywood to
pursue her dream of becoming
58
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,827
friends with a bunch
of celebrities.
59
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,268
Then, she moved back
to become a lifestyle guru.
60
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,632
She's legit. She spent four months
living in Kate Bosworth's pool house.
61
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:59,538
"A Ron Swanson designed chair is
the must-have item of the season,
62
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:03,104
"along with red quinoa, wind
therapy, and buying an island."
63
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,977
Annabel says that buying an
island is the only real way
64
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,612
to know that your goji berry
farm is pesticide free.
65
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,847
I've been trying to get Rent
A Swag in bloosh for months.
66
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,755
And now that you got in,
I can get in, too.
67
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,225
Congratulations, Ron.
We did it.
68
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,421
Someone's getting
a new leather jacket.
69
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,493
I don't want a leather jacket.
70
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,498
It's for me. This is a great day!
(EXCLAIMS)
71
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,769
BOTH: Ron's in bloosh!
Ron's in bloosh!
72
00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:26,566
What?
BOTH: Ron's in bloosh!
73
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,436
DONNA: Do it!
Ron's in bloosh!
74
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,370
(CLATTERS)
75
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,713
April, you seem depressed.
And I would know.
76
00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:37,544
I spent most of last year being
treated by Dr. Richard Nygard
77
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:38,977
for my own emotional problems.
78
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,015
Yeah, I just miss Andy.
79
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:44,021
Halloween was, like,
kind of our thing.
80
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:47,084
Every year, we would dress up like
demons and egg Larry's house.
81
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,818
That was you?
Larry, please.
82
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,486
We're having
a private conversation.
83
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,497
Well, I'd like to make
Halloween fun for you.
84
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,034
Like Andy would have.
Starting right now.
85
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,762
With scary, scary monster claws!
86
00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,530
Okay, people, the grand
opening is in 20 hours.
87
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,106
Larry, you had the easiest job.
88
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,404
Two triangles and a tooth.
Nobody wants
89
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,275
Gengurch-family-themed
jack-o-lanterns.
90
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,211
LARRY: Gail likes them.
Is any of this even good?
91
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,649
Why didn't we call it
City Halloween?
92
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,744
Okay. We need to
change every single banner.
93
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,516
Leslie's been holding it
together pretty well.
94
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,489
But today is when
she needs us the most.
95
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,956
That's why we formed the Leslie
Knope Emotional Support Task Force.
96
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:25,096
Anything she could possibly need to
get her through these final hours,
97
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:26,698
we've got it covered.
Mmm-hmm.
98
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:30,532
Back rubs. YouTube videos of turtles
and birds becoming friends.
99
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:34,505
A poster announcing
the new Lilith Fair concert.
100
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,269
It's fake,
but it will buy us an hour.
101
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:40,278
We even have a secret hand signal
in case we think she needs help.
102
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,005
It's loosely based on
the Klingon greeting salute.
103
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:46,218
I just learned that. And if I had
known, I would not have agreed to it.
104
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:48,178
Uh... Hey, Leslie?
105
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,189
How about, instead of slightly
changing a lot of banners,
106
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,283
we paint our toenails
to look like pumpkins?
107
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,363
Fun! Ann, you're a genius. Your brain
is almost as perfect as your face.
108
00:04:58,498 --> 00:04:59,556
Oh.
109
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,396
Hey, Ron, baby. What are
the hot deets on bloosh?
110
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,028
Start over
and speak differently.
111
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:07,629
Sorry. Did you
call that PR guy?
112
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,937
What's the latest news?
Apparently, Joan Callamezzo
113
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:14,070
wants me to go on Pawnee Today to discuss
my chairs with this Porter woman.
114
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:15,603
I said no.
115
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:18,150
Ron, you said if there were something
you could do to help me, you would.
116
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,117
Getting into bloosh is my
last chance to save my store.
117
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,951
You have to go and take me
so I can meet her. Please?
118
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,158
Fine. If it's that important
to your company, I'll do it.
119
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,384
Yes!
Nice.
120
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,627
Now, I know high-end,
121
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:32,187
Internet-only lifestyle magazine
really isn't your scene.
122
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:35,666
So, Donna and I wrote up
some cocktail banter
123
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:40,035
and some conversation snippets for
you to practice so you can fit in.
124
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:44,202
"Annabel, could I be more jels
of your low-lights right now?
125
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,871
"I mean, oh-M-squee,
talk about bangs envy."
126
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:51,279
(HUFFS) You got a long way to go, Swanson.
Let's go again, from the top.
127
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,518
I regret everything.
128
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,946
BEN: Babe, you made it.
It's 8:00.
129
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,219
Thank God. Okay, everyone,
great work as always.
130
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,795
I'm going to stay here and just kind
of wait for the results to pour in.
131
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,625
Thank you.
I'll see you all tomorrow.
132
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:06,596
We're not going anywhere.
We're staying with you.
133
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:08,827
No, really, it's going to be
hours before they call it.
134
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,802
We're not leaving, woman.
Stop trying to get rid of us.
135
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,665
Yeah, I made frappuccinos
for a little caffeine boost.
136
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,241
And Larry went to get
pizzas for everyone.
137
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,805
Oh. That's very sweet, you guys. Thank you.
All right, let's hunker down.
138
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,446
It's going to be a long night.
139
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:29,114
Too close to call. A real nail-biter.
Anybody's game.
140
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:33,155
These are three phrases you won't
hear tonight, as Leslie Knope
141
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,386
has been voted out of office.
142
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,428
What was expected
to be a close race...
143
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,726
What did he say?
...has actually been a not-close race.
144
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:42,023
Pawnee voters have decisively
removed Leslie Knope...
145
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:43,632
Honey, I'm so sorry.
146
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:48,865
I gotta the pizza. Pizza time.
It's a pizza time.
147
00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:52,308
Larry? Everyone is miserable and
you are only making it worse.
148
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,268
(SIGHS)
149
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,046
Okay. Leslie's
on her way in.
150
00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:00,176
Is she okay? I left her,
like, 30 voicemails,
151
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,687
and her outgoing message
is just her sobbing
152
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,154
and burping and crazy laughing.
153
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:07,918
Yeah, you know what? She's
actually handling it pretty well.
154
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:08,983
Sup, fartwads?
155
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:11,791
Are you eating a Paunch Burger?
156
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,458
Well, you know what? If you
can't beat them, join them.
157
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,594
I mean, I've been boycotting them
ever since Pinewood and her goons
158
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,468
started this whole recall business.
But who cares now, right?
159
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,904
What does it matter?
Nothing matters anymore.
160
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,070
Mmm. Oh, my God.
This is good.
161
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:26,836
This is really good.
162
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:28,741
Why did I ever fight this?
163
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,646
Have you thought about
a concession speech?
164
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:33,708
Oh. Concession speech?
Yeah. I wrote one.
165
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:38,622
"Eat my shorts, jabronies.
Knope out."
166
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:42,156
I thought it best to revisit the
concession speech at a later time.
167
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:43,320
(CLEARS THROAT)
168
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,796
But we should focus
on the haunted house.
169
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,457
And you know
what I think it needs,
170
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:52,402
actually, is a papier-mâché
Li'I Sebastian!
171
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:53,664
What?
LARRY: Oh!
172
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:55,036
ALL: Oh!
173
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:56,964
LESLIE: Hmm.
174
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,067
I'm going to go
fall asleep on a bench.
175
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:10,787
I can honestly say today's guest
is the only person in this town
176
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:14,418
who's a bigger deal
than I am. (CHUCKLES)
177
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:18,658
Please welcome lifestyle guru,
Annabel Porter.
178
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:22,167
Hello, hello.
It's me. I'm here.
179
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,166
JOAN: Yes, you are.
ANNABEL: Hi.
180
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,168
Can I just say, as a journalist,
181
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,968
I feel like we're best friends.
182
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,129
(GIGGLES)
183
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:31,208
Tell the audience
about yourself.
184
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:36,139
Well, I'm just a simple former
phonebook model who found her calling.
185
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:37,944
You know, I'm not perfect.
Oh.
186
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,214
The average woman worries about what
she looks like in a bathing suit.
187
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,352
So does my nanny. So...
Mmm.
188
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:44,956
I get it.
JOAN: Annabel.
189
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,391
What trends are, pardon
the pun, but, trending?
190
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:53,195
First of all, Mozambique cashmere
is the new cast iron stove.
191
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,255
JOAN: Of course.
192
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,732
I have found some amazing new
193
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,735
conflict-free paella recipes.
Mmm.
194
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:01,736
And luckily, my favorite
fishmonger now makes house calls.
195
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,001
Well, thank God.
Finally.
196
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:09,776
But my fave new item
is a deliciously bold chair
197
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,984
by local artist Ron Swanson.
JOAN: Mmm.
198
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,951
Ron Swanson is here. He will
be joining us after the break.
199
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,819
So, stick around.
200
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,959
Did that woman
call my chair "delicious"?
201
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,427
LARRY: Whoo. Happy Halloween.
202
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,487
Caterpillar. Thank you.
203
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:27,264
Hey, guys. Come on in.
204
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,934
Welcome to the den of horrors.
205
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,004
Where's all the scary stuff? The
scary stuff is invisible, Leah.
206
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,672
Broken dreams, disappointment,
achieving your greatest goal,
207
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,041
having it all fall apart and knowing
that you'll never climb any higher.
208
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,912
Can we have some candy?
209
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,279
I'm going to give you something
sweeter than candy, Ryan.
210
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:48,385
The truth. It's very possible that
some of you have already peaked.
211
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,278
It's all downhill
from here, turkeys.
212
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,824
Okay. Let's say goodbye
to Ms. Knope, kids.
213
00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:55,355
It is Ms. Knope. It's not
City Councilwoman Knope.
214
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,225
Because that chapter
of my life is already over.
215
00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:01,196
Just remember, kids,
nothing gold can stay.
216
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,256
Okay.
217
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:07,272
Oh, my goodness. We are back
with America's greatest leader,
218
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:11,241
Annabel Porter,
and her new favorite artisan,
219
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:14,202
local woodworker, Ron Swanson.
220
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:15,569
Hello.
221
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:18,239
I discovered Ron's chairs
a few months ago.
222
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,683
And what I absolutely love
223
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,745
about a Swanson is you can
really use it for anything.
224
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,414
Yes. Mostly,
you use it for sitting.
225
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:29,518
Make it a rustic accent
piece in your solarium.
226
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,696
Even better, use it as a focal
point in your yoga tent.
227
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,125
Put it by a table
and eat a meal.
228
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:39,268
We don't do meals in my home.
No. Every two hours,
229
00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:42,063
we eat what I like
to call a "food tease."
230
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,003
Like an oat wedge
or a seaweed lozenge.
231
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,914
Can I just say, and I think
this is really important,
232
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,778
so I need everyone to shut up.
233
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,009
I love your hair.
Oh.
234
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:57,385
Thank you. It's genetic
and unattainable.
235
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,388
I am scaring you!
236
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,290
I could see you.
237
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,389
There's, like, a million
mirrors in front of me.
238
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,229
And you're never going to
make me not miss Andy. Okay?
239
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:14,271
What about this? I'm Burt
Macklin, friendly lifeguard.
240
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,943
Burt Macklin is not a lifeguard.
He's an FBI agent.
241
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,577
Really? That's even harder
to believe.
242
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:22,978
Just stop. Okay?
Your lame attempts
243
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,607
at trying to cheer me up
are not working.
244
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:28,953
Now, I'm sad that I miss Andy and sad
that I can't make fun of you to Andy.
245
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,687
I understand. I'm sorry.
246
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:34,851
I've failed you, both as a
scary monster and a friend.
247
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:37,720
(SLAMS)
248
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:49,530
Hey, I am really sorry.
I know you must feel awful.
249
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:53,203
I don't feel awful. You know? Actually,
I feel like I can finally relax.
250
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,544
Accepting that you've peaked
is very freeing.
251
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:59,880
Yeah, I know the feeling. I was impeached
when I was 18 and it was brutal.
252
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,352
But you just have to keep
climbing back up that hill.
253
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:07,556
Or do you? Maybe instead of working
super hard to rebuild your life,
254
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:12,388
you just said, "I peaked.
Wow! What a great run.
255
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,132
"And now, I'm going to spend the
rest of my life really chill."
256
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,398
Well, sure. I mean, part of
that sounds very appealing.
257
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:22,268
Yeah. But, no. See, it
was important for me...
258
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,072
See, I took a job in city
budget crisis management.
259
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,669
And now, I work
for a candy charity.
260
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,042
Oh, God. Did I peak
when I was 18?
261
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:32,982
There it is. Drink up.
262
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:37,845
Whoo!
Shots.
263
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,050
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
264
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,859
B13 shots.
265
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,522
Bird bath salts. What?
266
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,429
Champagne decanters!
267
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,190
This is heaven.
268
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:53,637
I love your chair. I need 12 for
my stepdaughter's craft room.
269
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,470
Well, I make two a year.
So, maybe in six years.
270
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,099
Can you put me on the wait list?
Me, too.
271
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,804
Unless your chair was ever touched
by someone who ate refined sugar.
272
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,574
Then, I can't buy any of your chairs
and I protest this entire event.
273
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,810
TOM: Okay, Ron.
Annabel's coming over.
274
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,944
When you talk me up,
be sure to mention
275
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,022
that you really admire how I take big
risks with men's neck accessories.
276
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,886
There he is. Hello, hello.
277
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,096
Thank you for your kind words
about my chairs, Ms. Porter.
278
00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:22,463
No, thank us. You are
about to make a ton of money.
279
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,761
I want to license your designs. We
are going to put Swanson chairs
280
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:28,033
in every six-bedroom
home in the Midwest.
281
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,741
If my chairs were
mass-produced,
282
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,276
they wouldn't be Swanson chairs.
283
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,439
Swanson chairs are handmade.
284
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,876
Yes. And now, they will be made by
thousands of tiny Chinese hands.
285
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,040
(TOM CLEARS THROAT)
286
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:41,952
Oh. Ms. Porter, this is my very
good friend, Tom Haverford.
287
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:45,957
He's a big fan of your...
Whatever you call what you do.
288
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:48,084
Please speak to each other
while I leave.
289
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,129
Oh. No, I am not done with you,
you wicked little so-and-so.
290
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,289
(CHUCKLES)
Terrific.
291
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,591
You know what? I had my time.
You know? I did my thing.
292
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,135
I wanted to be a City Councilor.
293
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:59,103
And I did. And I was.
And I was like... Whoo!
294
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,604
And then, people were like...
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
295
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,505
At least we have each other.
I love you so much.
296
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,177
I love you, too.
This is real.
297
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:08,304
I know.
You're my husband.
298
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,439
You're my wife. You married
me in front of people.
299
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,346
I did. I was there.
We may have peaked.
300
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:15,285
But it doesn't matter. We need
to do something big. You know?
301
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,821
Something that really
lets people know
302
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,379
that we're going
to love each other forever.
303
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:19,685
Yeah! What is it?
304
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,451
I got it.
305
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,722
Hello, sir. We're sober.
306
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,094
We would like to get tattoos on our
bodies because we love each other.
307
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:27,698
Tattoos?
This is a pawn shop.
308
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,127
But yeah, sure, I can do that.
309
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:33,228
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Yes! It's gonna happen!
310
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,769
(GASPS) Look what he's doing!
He's breaking pens!
311
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:39,538
This is the idea of the century.
Right here.
312
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,003
BOTH: Ow.
313
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,741
Come here.
314
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:47,951
My store is called Rent A Swag.
315
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,078
It's a clothing
rental service for teens.
316
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:52,146
It's an interesting idea.
Are you guys doing well?
317
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:55,887
We're doing amazing. And it
would be perfect for bloosh.
318
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,962
Why don't you take out whatever
you wrote about my chairs
319
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:01,329
and put something in about
Rent A Swag instead?
320
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:05,301
This month's trends are final. I
can't just throw a trend out.
321
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:09,802
But my bloosh scouts have started
trend-tracking for the February zine blast.
322
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,640
Good God, these words.
323
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:12,870
I'll have them stop
by your store.
324
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,674
That will be too late. We'll
be out of business by then.
325
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:16,206
I thought you said
you were doing well.
326
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:20,752
Ronnie. One last time, have you
reconsidered mass production?
327
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:23,411
I can sell your chairs
on my site.
328
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:27,755
No, thank you, ma'am. I'm not interested
in letting someone else sell my work.
329
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,585
Well, that's too bad.
330
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:36,423
This party is over.
It no longer is. It was.
331
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:39,269
It was? That was my last shot.
332
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:43,498
Sorry, Tommy. Let's just grab some
of that lychee body oil and bounce.
333
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:46,003
Can you grab me some of those
pomegranate face masks, too?
334
00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:47,440
For sure.
335
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,379
Can I ask you a question? Are we the
cutest couple you've ever seen?
336
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,752
Nope. Okay. You want the long
needle or the short needle?
337
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,419
Doesn't matter. Can't find the
short needle.' Long needle it is.
338
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,024
I have a big idea.
I want a portrait
339
00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:03,357
of Eleanor Roosevelt
tastefully done.
340
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:08,125
And then, she has a very classy
tattoo of Pat Benatar on her arm
341
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:09,894
and that's very subtle.
Hmm.
342
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,903
No. Scratch that. Scratch all that.
Just write "Ben."
343
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,835
Do you have anything
to numb the pain?
344
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,101
Sure, take a scoop
out of the pill bucket.
345
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,536
Okay. You said you wanted
"Mouth Queen"?
346
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:22,904
No. Stop. Stop it. Stop everything
that you're doing. Stop it.
347
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,540
Ann's here!
Ann wants a tattoo!
348
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:28,375
BOTH: Ann!
No. No. No. Shh!
349
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,945
Ann does not want a tattoo.
No one wants a tattoo.
350
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,423
Ann. Relax.
Be respitable for a second.
351
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,558
Okay? What we are
doing is not nuts.
352
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,391
We are merely
getting tattoos so that
353
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,591
everybody knows we love each other
and that we haven't peaked.
354
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,667
It makes a lot of sense.
355
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,233
Okay, we're leaving. All right?
So, say goodbye to the nice man
356
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:49,933
and thank me for saving you from being
on Dateline. Okay. Let's go. Come on.
357
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,739
Goodbye, world traveler.
Later, bro-heisen.
358
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,808
Ben.
Come on.
359
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:59,213
I don't want to be
a failure again, Ron.
360
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:03,243
There's no shame in failure if
you gave it an honest effort.
361
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,847
Easy for you to say. People are dying
to give you money for your business,
362
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:07,050
and you didn't even take it.
363
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:11,128
I didn't sell my chairs to that
website because I value my name.
364
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,790
I mean, the only thing that's
important at the end of the day
365
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,857
is what's on your gravestone.
Your name.
366
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,367
My gravestone's going to be
a 60-inch touch screen
367
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:21,167
with a hologram of four me's singing
End of the Road by Boyz II Men.
368
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:24,599
But point taken.
369
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,810
Ben. What is the first rule of the Leslie
Knope Emotional Support Task Force?
370
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:32,148
"Don't let her get a tattoo."
What the hell happened?
371
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,445
I couldn't help it.
372
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:36,613
She's so cute when she's coming
up with destructive ideas.
373
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,252
Never send a husband
to do a best friend's job.
374
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:41,622
Out, Wyatt.
Walk it off. Walk it off.
375
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,016
Fine.
376
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,262
You did it. (CLAPS)
Yep.
377
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,463
See you later, Ann.
Nope. Nope, sit down.
378
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:49,523
Oh.
379
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,999
You are avoiding your problems.
380
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,972
What? No, I'm not. Can we
talk about this tomorrow?
381
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,166
You were down in the polls.
382
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,801
Your opponents were well
funded and well organized.
383
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,640
You must have known
this would be a possibility.
384
00:18:00,779 --> 00:18:03,577
Intellectually, I knew
that I might be in trouble.
385
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,776
But deep in my heart,
I never really thought...
386
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:09,753
Ben and I tried to help you. But as usual,
you're the best person for the job.
387
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:13,517
I wrote this. You need to
hear yourself read it.
388
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,995
"They held the recall election
and I lost.
389
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,255
"I was voted out of office.
390
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,359
"In 30 days, I will no longer
be a Pawnee City Councilor."
391
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,132
It's so hard to read when you're drunk.
Keep going.
392
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:32,308
"But I am Leslie Knope. I am
more than a City Councilor.
393
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,641
"I am an unstoppable
force of energy.
394
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:40,245
"And I will use those days
to work as hard as I can."
395
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,078
These are all your
ongoing projects.
396
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,514
Everything you're currently
working on for Pawnee.
397
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,315
You have things to do.
398
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,459
You have a month left.
Use it.
399
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,892
Ann, you poetic,
noble land mermaid.
400
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,365
You're right, once again.
Thank you.
401
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:56,556
(BEN LAUGHS)
402
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:58,998
I flushed my car keys
down the toilet.
403
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,360
No problem.
404
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:01,561
(SIGHS)
405
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:06,940
No! Stop!
406
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,246
Hello to you, too, April.
407
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,442
I'm sorry I said you were lame.
408
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,950
Okay? You are, but I know you were
just trying to help me. So...
409
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,384
Thank you, April.
Happy Halloween.
410
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,781
And if you want to egg
Larry's house, come find me.
411
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,056
You guys are cute.
Where did that come from?
412
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,765
I'm weak. I miss Andy
and it's making me weak.
413
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,663
Also, if Chris puts that much effort
into making my stupid night better,
414
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,306
I'm sure that he'll make
your lame life perfect.
415
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:40,137
Or he's secretly super in love with me.
It's probably that.
416
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,371
(LAUGHS)
417
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:44,008
That's a funny joke, April.
But the truth is,
418
00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:45,549
I'm very much in love with Ann.
419
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:46,840
Aw.
420
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,644
Okay, gross, spell is broken.
421
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,547
TOM: I've made my decision.
422
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:55,090
And I'll sell you Rent A
Swag, but on my terms.
423
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,184
Which are?
424
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:59,128
$40,000 for the inventory, the website,
and everything else in the store.
425
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,531
But I keep the name Rent A Swag.
It's mine, and I'm keeping it.
426
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,798
The name is actually
an important part of the sale.
427
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,164
Really? Yes, my client
likes the name.
428
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:12,004
It's better than Tommy's Closet.
He needs the name.
429
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,370
Well, I don't know
what to tell you. Except...
430
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,813
I'll throw in the name
in exchange for $20,000 more
431
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,545
and 5% of your
client's business.
432
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:23,514
I'll run it past my client.
But I think we have a deal.
433
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,455
Ron said there's nothing
more valuable than my name.
434
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:30,992
But he's not a businessman. I am. And now,
I have seed money for my next venture.
435
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,590
I sold out, baby.
436
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,389
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
437
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,498
The votes have been counted,
and I have been recalled.
438
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,867
I am, of course, disappointed.
439
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:43,466
But I am still your city
councilwoman for 30 more days.
440
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:46,010
And I intend to spend
every second I have left
441
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,342
working for you
and this great city.
442
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,849
The thing about being part of the Leslie
Knope Emotional Support Task Force
443
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,784
is that it's a very easy job.
444
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:56,377
She's never down for that long.
445
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,446
And now that she's had
a little time to recharge,
446
00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:01,117
she is like a toddler
bouncing back from a nap.
447
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,184
Hey. There you guys are.
448
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,196
Okay. Ben, I need some help
with the re-zoning thing.
449
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,697
Also, I think we should
paint our deck.
450
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,255
So, I have some
color samples for you.
451
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:10,694
And to thank you both for being
there when I needed you,
452
00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:12,700
I carved your faces
into these jack-o-lanterns.
453
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:14,529
Ann, it was very hard
to capture your beauty.
454
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,699
And, Ben, you make a sexy pumpkin.
No surprise.
455
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,538
Love you both.
See you later.
456
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,102
Okay.
457
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,268
Wow!
458
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,504
That's amazing.
459
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:25,310
Not bad.
460
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:36,500
Ripped By mstoll