1 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,240 (oogah horn blows) 2 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,247 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,937 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:37,363 --> 00:00:38,607 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:41,352 --> 00:00:42,318 D'oh! 6 00:00:42,727 --> 00:00:43,693 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:44,148 --> 00:00:45,110 (grunts) 8 00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:48,753 (angry shouting) 9 00:00:52,627 --> 00:00:54,632 (dramatic music plays) 10 00:00:55,797 --> 00:00:57,031 (cries out) 11 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,200 ♪ The Simpsons 25x05 ♪ Labor Pains Original Air Date on November 17, 2013 12 00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:06,225 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 13 00:01:14,568 --> 00:01:15,982 (belches) 14 00:01:22,507 --> 00:01:23,746 MARGE: Oh! 15 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,905 Come on. Just pick one. 16 00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:31,877 (sniffing) 17 00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:38,614 Oh. Fine, you can have your old one. 18 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,338 (Marge sighs) 19 00:01:46,784 --> 00:01:48,684 You can have one of these. 20 00:01:48,712 --> 00:01:49,779 (sniffing) 21 00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:51,276 Hmph! 22 00:01:51,381 --> 00:01:56,003 Did you know some historians think American football is based on an ancient Aztec game? 23 00:01:56,024 --> 00:01:58,605 It's not American football, it's just football. 24 00:01:58,624 --> 00:02:01,058 Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me 25 00:02:01,089 --> 00:02:03,900 to go to the American football game instead of you? 26 00:02:03,952 --> 00:02:06,415 - Mom, Lisa's ruining football. - American football. 27 00:02:06,433 --> 00:02:09,299 No time for breakfast, Marge. Just give me a banana. 28 00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:11,347 (humming) 29 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:16,394 Now, listen. I have to work late tonight. 30 00:02:19,762 --> 00:02:23,170 Again? I was hoping you could spend some time with the kids. 31 00:02:23,194 --> 00:02:26,396 It's a tough economy. Money doesn't grow on trees. 32 00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:28,951 It grows on threes. 33 00:02:29,119 --> 00:02:30,686 (laughs) 34 00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:32,771 - Yeah, I'm out. - Me, too. 35 00:02:32,789 --> 00:02:36,298 Too rich for my blood. I should not have anted with my blood. 36 00:02:37,705 --> 00:02:40,278 Whew. You got the touch tonight, Homer. 37 00:02:41,776 --> 00:02:42,726 (chuckles) 38 00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:44,928 Nice sunglasses, Lenny. 39 00:02:45,312 --> 00:02:46,831 Homer Simpson. 40 00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:49,316 Do you really want to keep cheating your friends, 41 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,487 lying to your wife, and avoiding your kids? 42 00:02:51,514 --> 00:02:53,281 What would Jesus do? 43 00:02:53,319 --> 00:02:55,869 Hey, you gotta pay to find out. You looking for a tell? 44 00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,655 I don't have one, my friend. 45 00:02:58,462 --> 00:03:00,032 What? What are you lookin' at? 46 00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,099 I'd better call it a night, guys. 47 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,375 I don't want to take any more of your money. 48 00:03:05,091 --> 00:03:08,077 Mm. Mm. Mm. 49 00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:09,972 Hmm. 50 00:03:10,394 --> 00:03:13,758 Who's president now, Alexander Hamilton? 51 00:03:13,781 --> 00:03:15,454 I think it's Obama. 52 00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:19,644 Hold the door, please. 53 00:03:19,669 --> 00:03:20,593 (breathes heavily) 54 00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:21,831 Two minutes apart. 55 00:03:21,876 --> 00:03:23,285 - Timing the elevators, eh? - Oh. 56 00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,598 - Smart. - Oh. 57 00:03:24,643 --> 00:03:26,137 No, no. 58 00:03:26,178 --> 00:03:27,872 I'm timing my contractions. 59 00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,548 I think I'm in labor. 60 00:03:29,691 --> 00:03:31,392 Deep in labor. 61 00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:33,508 Okay, okay, no worries. 62 00:03:33,818 --> 00:03:35,352 What the...? Oh! 63 00:03:36,086 --> 00:03:37,280 Do you have a cell phone? 64 00:03:37,305 --> 00:03:40,246 Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home. 65 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:43,613 The most beautiful moment of my life is happening now. 66 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:46,986 Everything will be fine. 67 00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:49,591 Um... Oh you, uh, you like movies? 68 00:03:49,642 --> 00:03:51,687 This reminds me of that scene in Alien. 69 00:03:51,715 --> 00:03:52,475 What? 70 00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:55,655 The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end. 71 00:03:55,679 --> 00:03:57,352 Aw, well, that's sweet. 72 00:03:57,386 --> 00:04:00,021 Listen, I'm glad I'm not going through this alone. 73 00:04:00,043 --> 00:04:01,899 I haven't seen my boyfriend in months. 74 00:04:01,926 --> 00:04:05,028 Oh, uh, he was just here. 75 00:04:05,053 --> 00:04:06,516 No, he wasn't. 76 00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:07,653 But thanks for lying. 77 00:04:07,666 --> 00:04:09,543 You like lies? Here's a few: 78 00:04:09,556 --> 00:04:12,165 College is expensive but it's worth it. 79 00:04:12,189 --> 00:04:13,771 I think the baby's coming. 80 00:04:13,789 --> 00:04:16,221 Okay Homer, remember your Lamaze training. 81 00:04:17,085 --> 00:04:22,176 Now, this next position is fantastic for women who are carrying especially big. 82 00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,944 Homer, can you demonstrate? 83 00:04:23,978 --> 00:04:25,514 Mm-hmm. 84 00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:27,010 Mm... 85 00:04:27,105 --> 00:04:30,361 Oh. Yeah, wow, that does feel good. 86 00:04:30,453 --> 00:04:31,996 Oh, no, I think it's coming. 87 00:04:32,014 --> 00:04:34,363 Oh, I haven't even picked a name yet. 88 00:04:34,829 --> 00:04:36,518 You did this to me. 89 00:04:36,558 --> 00:04:39,033 - No, I didn't. - I'm talking to the baby. 90 00:04:39,086 --> 00:04:40,780 Here it comes. 91 00:04:41,396 --> 00:04:43,564 Um, I don't know how to tell you this, 92 00:04:43,598 --> 00:04:46,576 - but your baby doesn't have any legs. - What? 93 00:04:46,608 --> 00:04:47,775 Oh, wait, there's more. 94 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,254 Mm. (grunts) 95 00:04:49,596 --> 00:04:50,660 (baby cries) 96 00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:53,772 It's a dude. And he's uncut. 97 00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,153 Very Euro. 98 00:04:55,176 --> 00:04:56,881 Now, hug your mommy. 99 00:04:56,917 --> 00:04:59,852 For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, 100 00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:03,181 inspected in August 2009, a baby. 101 00:05:03,765 --> 00:05:04,965 (elevator motor humming) 102 00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:06,384 (relieved sigh) 103 00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:07,755 Well, 104 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,716 it was nice to share this moment with someone who cared. 105 00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:13,299 Yeah, that guy didn't even look over once. 106 00:05:13,348 --> 00:05:14,772 Lobby please. 107 00:05:17,742 --> 00:05:18,715 (grunts) 108 00:05:18,745 --> 00:05:19,553 (moans) 109 00:05:19,578 --> 00:05:22,326 - How was work? - Miraculous. 110 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,175 Mm? 111 00:05:23,187 --> 00:05:25,628 Mothers are so awesome. 112 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,859 Oh. 113 00:05:28,318 --> 00:05:29,970 These are great seats. 114 00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:32,321 You can hear the players swear from up here. 115 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,589 PLAYER: I'll kick your ass, Milhouse. 116 00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:38,069 ANNOUNCER: And now, to take your minds off the massive concussion 117 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:40,141 and subdural hematoma you just witnessed, 118 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:44,351 please welcome the Springfield Atomettes. 119 00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:50,379 Now, for this routine, we need the help of a junior Atomette. 120 00:05:53,659 --> 00:05:55,610 They're picking me, Dad. 121 00:05:55,632 --> 00:05:59,924 Don't call me "Dad." If people think peanut vendors have families, it's too sad. 122 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,348 ANNOUNCER: Looks like we've got a volunteer... 123 00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:04,221 right there. 124 00:06:04,246 --> 00:06:05,476 (gasps) 125 00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:12,179 Look, while I'd like to help, I'm kind of pessimistic about the team's chances. 126 00:06:12,566 --> 00:06:14,372 They're gonna get creamed. 127 00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:16,535 Go, go, go! 128 00:06:19,355 --> 00:06:21,224 Mm? (crowd cheering) 129 00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:23,354 Uh... 130 00:06:23,473 --> 00:06:25,474 ♪ 131 00:06:26,591 --> 00:06:28,859 (crowd cheering, whooping) 132 00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:33,089 I'm dating a cheerleader. 133 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,508 LISA (in the distance): No, you're not. 134 00:06:34,529 --> 00:06:36,496 PLAYER: Burned again, Milhouse. 135 00:06:37,213 --> 00:06:38,761 (crowd chatter) 136 00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:42,772 Wow, that was great. 137 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,246 Can I have my regular clothes back, please? 138 00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:47,958 No... problem. 139 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,534 Great job, ladies. 140 00:06:49,559 --> 00:06:54,174 Now here's your 50 bucks each which should just about cover your parking. 141 00:06:54,385 --> 00:06:58,807 I can't believe he pays you so little. The crowd was crazy about you. 142 00:06:58,847 --> 00:07:01,456 I know, but what are we gonna do about it? 143 00:07:01,474 --> 00:07:04,156 If we pipe up they'll put us in the mascot costume. 144 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,156 WOMEN: Ew. 145 00:07:05,184 --> 00:07:08,541 After you wear that, you need to be hosed down for bedbugs. 146 00:07:10,049 --> 00:07:14,116 Good game, everyone. I never dreamed a night where you discovered I was cheating 147 00:07:14,135 --> 00:07:17,288 and beat the crap out of me could end on such an up note. 148 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:18,477 See you next week. 149 00:07:19,726 --> 00:07:20,939 WOMAN: Homer. 150 00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:23,471 Hmm? Hey, Gretchen. 151 00:07:23,489 --> 00:07:24,990 I had your jacket cleaned. 152 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:28,495 Good as new. And thanks for loaning me your sweater for the ride home. 153 00:07:28,517 --> 00:07:31,143 It may be a little stretched out. 154 00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:33,181 Geez, that was a pregnancy sweater. 155 00:07:33,206 --> 00:07:36,175 So, you want to hold little Homer? 156 00:07:36,197 --> 00:07:39,447 Wow, so now there's two things named after me-- 157 00:07:39,472 --> 00:07:43,869 a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m. 158 00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:47,513 (nasally): Aw that's sweet. 159 00:07:51,677 --> 00:07:53,077 (tires screech) 160 00:07:55,286 --> 00:07:58,500 MOE: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Bronte. 161 00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,740 CARL: Um, I thought we were playing cards. 162 00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,226 Uh, hey. 163 00:08:06,244 --> 00:08:10,003 I was just driving by with some baby stuff we didn't need 164 00:08:10,025 --> 00:08:13,600 and, uh, well, here's some diapers Maggie's too big for, 165 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:17,822 and an incredible educational toy I forgot to give Bart. 166 00:08:17,854 --> 00:08:19,010 Thanks. 167 00:08:19,035 --> 00:08:21,485 Hey, could you babysit for an hour? 168 00:08:21,511 --> 00:08:23,071 I've been alone with the baby for days. 169 00:08:23,094 --> 00:08:27,660 Wow, I'd love to help, but I did kind of have plans for tonight. 170 00:08:27,704 --> 00:08:29,809 MOE: No, you can't leave. I'm dealin' you in. 171 00:08:29,824 --> 00:08:31,391 - (grunts) - (screams) 172 00:08:31,787 --> 00:08:34,204 Full house? You win again? 173 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:38,215 I think I'll be good tonight and stay in with you. 174 00:08:40,546 --> 00:08:44,767 ♪ Baby, baby, please let me hold him ♪ 175 00:08:45,055 --> 00:08:46,434 Where's Hoju? 176 00:08:46,682 --> 00:08:48,057 Where's Hoju? 177 00:08:48,082 --> 00:08:49,956 (screams) Where's Hoju? 178 00:08:50,211 --> 00:08:51,913 Where's Hoju? 179 00:08:52,419 --> 00:08:53,575 Where's Hoju?! 180 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:56,289 ♪ We want to make him stay up all night ♪ (sobbing) 181 00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,803 ♪ Yeah, we do. 182 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,939 ♪ 183 00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:05,483 (song ends) 184 00:09:05,519 --> 00:09:08,196 ♪ Itchy and Scratchy show. 185 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:12,721 ♪ A child arrived just the other day ♪ 186 00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:15,545 ♪ He came to the world in the usual way ♪ 187 00:09:15,563 --> 00:09:17,525 ♪ But there were planes to catch ♪ 188 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,375 ♪ And bills to pay 189 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:21,929 ♪ He learned to walk while I was away ♪ 190 00:09:21,948 --> 00:09:23,926 ♪ And he was talking 'fore I knew it ♪ 191 00:09:23,946 --> 00:09:28,734 ♪ And as he grew, he'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad" ♪ 192 00:09:28,753 --> 00:09:31,702 ♪ "You know I'm gonna be like you" ♪ 193 00:09:33,321 --> 00:09:34,944 ♪ And the cat's in the cradle... ♪ 194 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,608 (explosion, music stops) 195 00:09:37,106 --> 00:09:39,598 Kids blow up so fast. 196 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,345 (Homer humming) 197 00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:44,539 - Oh! - Homie? 198 00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:47,087 Aw, you're shopping ahead for Maggie. 199 00:09:47,115 --> 00:09:51,006 Oh, no, I'm shopping for Homer Jr., a baby I delivered in an elevator 200 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,893 the night I pretended to go to work but was really playing poker. 201 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:54,993 What?! 202 00:09:55,038 --> 00:09:56,601 (grunting) 203 00:09:56,619 --> 00:09:58,988 This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, 204 00:09:59,013 --> 00:10:00,919 a subsidiary of your penis. 205 00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:05,088 Oh, yes, I'm shopping for Maggie, our baby together, 206 00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:06,942 so this looks perfectly innocent. 207 00:10:06,975 --> 00:10:08,617 Why are you saying that? 208 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:11,062 Oh, you know how the first few weeks are: 209 00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:14,151 sleep deprived, walking around in a fog. 210 00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:15,698 First few weeks of what? 211 00:10:15,729 --> 00:10:17,408 Um, November. 212 00:10:17,524 --> 00:10:18,768 (groans) 213 00:10:18,797 --> 00:10:20,498 (grunting, low chatter) 214 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,094 Hey, Atomette. 215 00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:24,027 I want to say... Caitlin? 216 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:28,084 Lisa. Guys, do you realize you're being exploited by this team? 217 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,563 ALL: Wha...? 218 00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,000 They sell your posters, 219 00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,298 workout DVDs, 220 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:35,464 and all of your practices are broadcast on a webcam. 221 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,778 And some of the angles... 222 00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:44,695 are low. 223 00:10:44,902 --> 00:10:49,151 But don't worry, collective bargaining will enable us to secure concessions. 224 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,552 Uh, we're gonna push 'em back, 225 00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:56,141 push 'em back, push 'em way, way back. 226 00:10:56,185 --> 00:10:57,885 All the way to a new contract. 227 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,963 'Cause union power is a fact. 228 00:10:59,981 --> 00:11:01,582 And we're... 229 00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:03,246 Okay, okay, we get it. 230 00:11:03,264 --> 00:11:05,027 Well, look who's here. 231 00:11:05,046 --> 00:11:08,089 You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady? 232 00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:11,587 Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug. 233 00:11:11,885 --> 00:11:15,154 What? Why, that's Samuel Gompers talk. 234 00:11:15,183 --> 00:11:18,774 Now, little missy, the only thing you should be organizin' 235 00:11:18,792 --> 00:11:20,259 is your dollies. 236 00:11:20,362 --> 00:11:23,557 How? By size, brand, value? 237 00:11:23,574 --> 00:11:25,971 And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. 238 00:11:25,983 --> 00:11:27,924 I just see little people I own. 239 00:11:27,952 --> 00:11:29,394 What do you say, ladies? 240 00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:30,738 (indistinct whispering) 241 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:35,169 Not right, not fair. Let's say it with our hair. 242 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,322 Okay, fine. 243 00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:46,456 I'm gonna give it some thought, then say no in the nicest way possible. 244 00:11:46,988 --> 00:11:48,356 No. 245 00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,787 Oh, good. 246 00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:56,317 Nice. 247 00:11:56,819 --> 00:11:57,914 "Beat Dallas." 248 00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,697 Can never argue with that. 249 00:12:00,556 --> 00:12:05,453 Hey, ladies. My vest isn't the only thing that's ripped. 250 00:12:05,503 --> 00:12:08,047 I am in the market for a backup mistress. 251 00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:09,405 Possibly two. 252 00:12:09,451 --> 00:12:11,282 Have you kids seen your father? 253 00:12:11,288 --> 00:12:13,946 Surprised he's not here ogling these girls. 254 00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:17,342 - He said he was going to work. - On a Friday afternoon? 255 00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:18,157 (gasps) 256 00:12:18,182 --> 00:12:20,363 I bet he's playing poker again. 257 00:12:20,387 --> 00:12:22,888 Coming through. Wife on a mission. 258 00:12:22,913 --> 00:12:25,662 Go, fight, win. Marge. 259 00:12:27,483 --> 00:12:29,992 Wow, I've never burst through a banner before, 260 00:12:30,005 --> 00:12:31,983 but it really does the trick. 261 00:12:32,095 --> 00:12:33,699 (pounding on door) 262 00:12:33,716 --> 00:12:37,282 Homer, I know you're here. Your car's outside. 263 00:12:38,418 --> 00:12:40,719 - Where is he? - I honestly don't know. 264 00:12:40,737 --> 00:12:44,943 I'm just teaching myself massage here with online videos and a store mannequin. 265 00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:47,521 Oh, I'm so sorry. 266 00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:51,435 So, do you have any injuries I should know about? Oh! 267 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,947 Hmm, if he's not in there, where is he? 268 00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,489 HOMER: Oh, baby. 269 00:12:55,527 --> 00:12:58,071 Oh, baby, shake it. Homer like. 270 00:12:58,086 --> 00:12:58,858 (gasps) 271 00:12:58,883 --> 00:13:00,445 Oh. 272 00:13:00,474 --> 00:13:04,486 Shake it. Now, roll over on your tummy, just like I taught you. 273 00:13:04,504 --> 00:13:06,864 Tell me what a cow says. 274 00:13:07,285 --> 00:13:08,660 (toy moos) 275 00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:10,295 Aah! My other baby mama. 276 00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:12,447 So this is where you've been going. 277 00:13:12,474 --> 00:13:14,942 Another woman's apartment. 278 00:13:14,977 --> 00:13:16,778 Marge, it's not what you think. 279 00:13:16,812 --> 00:13:18,713 Quiet. You're upsetting Homer Jr. 280 00:13:18,741 --> 00:13:21,141 (quietly): You have a baby together? 281 00:13:21,163 --> 00:13:24,113 Oh, it's cool. We did it in an elevator. 282 00:13:24,131 --> 00:13:24,790 (gasps) 283 00:13:24,815 --> 00:13:26,934 I'm a Schwarzenegger wife. 284 00:13:26,965 --> 00:13:29,869 But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good. 285 00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:32,343 It's not good. None of it's good. 286 00:13:32,441 --> 00:13:34,547 I haven't had a drink for a week. 287 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,180 That is pretty good. 288 00:13:39,202 --> 00:13:43,596 So then you delivered her baby right there in the elevator. 289 00:13:43,621 --> 00:13:47,112 It's true. Even the other guy in the elevator-- he's right here. 290 00:13:47,156 --> 00:13:49,625 And the really funny thing is I'm a doctor. 291 00:13:51,008 --> 00:13:53,149 Well, I'm glad you did a good deed, 292 00:13:53,169 --> 00:13:55,187 but you shouldn't come here again. 293 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,902 I thought that was strange poop on your collar. 294 00:13:57,946 --> 00:13:59,171 (moans sadly) 295 00:13:59,301 --> 00:14:02,654 Good-bye, Homer Jr. I guess you're the man of the house now. 296 00:14:02,685 --> 00:14:06,491 And never forget, even though the mortgage is due on the first, 297 00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:09,223 you can usually wait till the 17th. 298 00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:12,803 (sobbing) 299 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:14,089 You know what? 300 00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:18,596 I think it's fine if Homer spends a few hours now and then with... 301 00:14:18,841 --> 00:14:20,530 Homer Jr. 302 00:14:20,549 --> 00:14:21,930 Exactly. 303 00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:24,560 You always said charity begins at home. 304 00:14:24,578 --> 00:14:25,618 But not which home. 305 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,459 It's true, I never specified the home. 306 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,299 ♪ There's a great and a bloody fight ♪ 307 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,339 ♪ 'Round this whole world tonight ♪ 308 00:14:32,361 --> 00:14:35,505 ♪ And the battle, the bombs and shrapnel reign ♪ 309 00:14:35,546 --> 00:14:37,284 ♪ Hitler told the world around 310 00:14:37,313 --> 00:14:39,213 ♪ He would tear our union down ♪ 311 00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:42,480 ♪ But our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 312 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:46,409 ♪ Our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 313 00:14:46,913 --> 00:14:48,246 (tires screeching) 314 00:14:48,442 --> 00:14:52,223 ♪ I walked up on a mountain in the middle of the sky ♪ 315 00:14:52,247 --> 00:14:55,486 ♪ Could see every farm and every town ♪ 316 00:14:55,509 --> 00:14:59,008 ♪ I could see all the people in this whole wide world ♪ 317 00:14:59,027 --> 00:15:02,547 ♪ That's the union that'll tear the fascists down, down, down. ♪ 318 00:15:02,823 --> 00:15:06,158 Now to sing you a lullaby my father sung to me. 319 00:15:06,187 --> 00:15:08,806 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep ♪ 320 00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:11,103 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. ♪ 321 00:15:11,124 --> 00:15:13,125 (snoring softly) 322 00:15:16,007 --> 00:15:19,104 Oh, man, I really overdid it tonight. 323 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:20,753 Late night at Moe's, eh? 324 00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:22,772 No, I'm exhausted from 325 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,770 ♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. ♪ 326 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,334 It's the toes that get you, Marge. It's the toes. 327 00:15:28,372 --> 00:15:30,120 What about your own children? 328 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:34,779 Way ahead of you, Marge, I'm taking all four of my kids to the zoo tomorrow. 329 00:15:34,807 --> 00:15:35,994 Three. 330 00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:39,339 Yes, we'll be back by 3:00. Homer has a very tight nap schedule. 331 00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,683 Quit talking about that baby. 332 00:15:41,713 --> 00:15:44,144 I was talking about myself in the third person. 333 00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:45,444 Oh. 334 00:15:46,496 --> 00:15:48,477 We can't take much more of this, Lisa. 335 00:15:48,498 --> 00:15:51,501 The girls are getting so antsy they'll cheer anything. 336 00:15:51,532 --> 00:15:53,970 You're the greatest generation, 337 00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,429 worthy of our veneration. 338 00:15:56,464 --> 00:15:58,776 Go Grampa! 339 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,423 If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match? 340 00:16:02,449 --> 00:16:03,840 (doorbell rings) 341 00:16:04,919 --> 00:16:05,894 (deep sigh) 342 00:16:05,919 --> 00:16:07,763 Okay, I give up. 343 00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:11,131 I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo-- 344 00:16:11,164 --> 00:16:12,277 surrender. 345 00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:13,818 (cheering) 346 00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:17,346 While you're at it, how about a little boost for peanut vendors? 347 00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:20,403 What do you think I'm taking their raise out of? 348 00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:27,288 (jabbering happily) 349 00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:30,839 I wanted you all to be happy together, so I brought you to the zoo 350 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,232 where all the animals live in harmony. 351 00:16:36,448 --> 00:16:37,231 (growls) 352 00:16:37,252 --> 00:16:38,821 (triumphant wail) 353 00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:41,276 Okay, guys, I got your ice creams. 354 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:45,976 Hey, ah, ah, ah. 355 00:16:45,994 --> 00:16:49,242 Now, Maggie, we don't hurt each other in this family. 356 00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:50,248 Are you nuts? 357 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,433 You can't even kiss me good night without slicing me with your stubble. 358 00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:54,352 Why you little... 359 00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,818 I'll give you a good-night kiss you'll never forget. 360 00:16:57,076 --> 00:16:57,895 Come here, you. 361 00:16:57,906 --> 00:16:59,607 - (grunting) - Aah, ooh, ah! 362 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,992 - Ah! Ow! - Yeah! 363 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:06,259 Dad, we're missing the giant capybaras of Uruguay. 364 00:17:09,021 --> 00:17:11,480 Okay, I know what'll cheer you kids up. 365 00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:14,078 Seeing me out-monkey the monkeys. 366 00:17:15,059 --> 00:17:16,890 (hooting like a monkey) 367 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,761 (angry hooting, screeching) 368 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,242 I have a soul and you guys don't. 369 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,230 (hooting) 370 00:17:22,248 --> 00:17:24,307 Aah! Monkeys! 371 00:17:26,593 --> 00:17:27,775 (grunts) 372 00:17:27,818 --> 00:17:29,911 (angry grunt) 373 00:17:34,816 --> 00:17:36,808 Dad, Maggie's rolling away. 374 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,939 (gasps) She's heading for Prairie Dog Village. 375 00:17:38,962 --> 00:17:42,314 If they get her in their warrens, we'll never see her again. 376 00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:43,991 (chittering) 377 00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:45,483 Look, shiny keys. 378 00:17:45,513 --> 00:17:46,547 Jingle jangle. 379 00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:47,975 (grunts, laughs) 380 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,465 Stupid monkeys. 381 00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:57,325 That's it, Maggie, use the Dino-Wand. 382 00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:10,269 This is the last time you'll see that elevator baby. 383 00:18:10,908 --> 00:18:12,928 I'm sorry, Homer Jr. 384 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:19,316 You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill. 385 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,662 (Homer sobbing) 386 00:18:21,812 --> 00:18:23,787 - Therapy, please. - Me, too. 387 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:24,837 (Marge grunts) 388 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:28,449 Okay, I've got to impart all my fatherly advice in this one walk. 389 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,640 The sky is blue, but nobody really knows why. 390 00:18:31,664 --> 00:18:33,439 Don't believe what they tell you. 391 00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:35,899 Girls are great and terrible at the same time. 392 00:18:35,929 --> 00:18:37,017 Get used to it. 393 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,202 And, most importantly... Oops, we're here. You'll have to figure it out on your own. 394 00:18:42,974 --> 00:18:45,457 Sorry, little fella. One day I'll be that guy 395 00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:47,941 who comes to your wedding, makes you feel a little weird, 396 00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,322 and then runs away. 397 00:18:49,357 --> 00:18:51,954 Homer, great news. Chase came back. 398 00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:52,886 (whoops) 399 00:18:52,911 --> 00:18:55,399 - Who's Chase? - Homer Jr.'s father. 400 00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:58,256 Oh, my God, is that my son? 401 00:18:58,391 --> 00:19:00,229 You didn't tell me he was a soldier. 402 00:19:00,259 --> 00:19:02,008 You didn't tell me you were pregnant. 403 00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:04,086 I didn't want you to marry me because I was pregnant. 404 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,244 I wanted you to marry me because I was nagging you. 405 00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:07,784 (fusses) 406 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,594 Um, he likes it if you tickle his toes. 407 00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:12,410 Dude, he's my kid. He likes what I like. 408 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,013 But n-n-n-nurture. 409 00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:16,285 Gretch, I think he's got my calves. 410 00:19:16,313 --> 00:19:18,081 He does, baby, he does. 411 00:19:18,102 --> 00:19:20,385 Can I just say good-bye to him quick? 412 00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:21,495 Sure. 413 00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:23,300 I guess this is it, little guy. 414 00:19:23,321 --> 00:19:24,584 - Da-da. - (gasps) 415 00:19:24,608 --> 00:19:27,365 The most beautiful words a father can hear. 416 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,269 - Da-da. Da-da. - Oh. 417 00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,661 Hey, one day you'll have kids of your own. 418 00:19:32,686 --> 00:19:33,571 I do. 419 00:19:33,588 --> 00:19:36,344 Really? Then this is much creepier than I thought. 420 00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:37,688 Much. 421 00:19:39,436 --> 00:19:41,592 Shouldn't have bet his door if he didn't want to lose it. 422 00:19:41,609 --> 00:19:42,909 (sighs) 423 00:19:50,766 --> 00:19:55,441 Hi, Maggie. If you could talk, I know you'd have a few choice words for me. 424 00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,887 You want me to take care of your dolly? 425 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:04,436 That's the sweetest thing any baby has ever done for me. 426 00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:19,059 Honey, you know where the bottle opener is? 427 00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,587 I think it's in the drawer. 428 00:20:22,048 --> 00:20:24,961 Whoa, little dude. Where did you learn that? 429 00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,679 This is what we're fighting for, babe. 430 00:20:32,715 --> 00:20:33,846 (marching band playing theme song ) 431 00:20:33,871 --> 00:20:37,390 HOMER: Hey, what's this marching band have to do with Homer Jr.? 432 00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:41,709 What?! There were cheerleaders in our house and nobody told me? 433 00:20:41,832 --> 00:20:43,799 (Homer moans) 434 00:20:43,823 --> 00:20:48,823 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 435 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,415 Shh!