1
00:00:01,908 --> 00:00:02,857
Oh, hey.
2
00:00:02,892 --> 00:00:04,757
I was wondering
about date night tonight.
3
00:00:04,792 --> 00:00:07,497
Do you wanna just stay in?
'Cause you know what that means.
4
00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:09,753
- Romantic dinner and "Homeland"?
- Sex on the couch.
5
00:00:09,788 --> 00:00:10,847
Or your thing.
6
00:00:10,882 --> 00:00:12,813
- Actually, "Homeland" sounds great.
- Or your thing.
7
00:00:12,848 --> 00:00:14,420
Hey, Nick, um...
8
00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:16,621
Last night when Ferguson
and I were in the shower,
9
00:00:16,656 --> 00:00:18,057
I had an epiphany.
10
00:00:18,092 --> 00:00:19,504
It's time to get back in the game.
11
00:00:19,539 --> 00:00:21,022
You know, meet some women.
12
00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:22,361
Human women.
13
00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:24,019
Human? Is there any other kind?
14
00:00:24,054 --> 00:00:26,066
Anyway, I was wondering if
you'd watch Ferguson tonight
15
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:27,893
while I go out for some drinks
with some work buddies.
16
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,260
Just for a little while.
You just gotta give him a pill at 6:00.
17
00:00:30,295 --> 00:00:31,842
- We're having date night tonight.
- Jess...
18
00:00:31,877 --> 00:00:36,435
Winston wants to go out
to meet human women.
19
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,100
- Without the cat.
- Oh, yep, yep.
20
00:00:39,135 --> 00:00:42,101
Yep, yep.
Nick will watch the cat.
21
00:00:42,136 --> 00:00:44,645
Question... Are those
mouth pills or butt pills?
22
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,738
Just one pill.
Just one butt pill.
23
00:00:47,772 --> 00:00:49,178
- Here you are.
- I'm not touching that thing.
24
00:00:49,212 --> 00:00:51,022
No? Okay.
25
00:00:51,056 --> 00:00:53,103
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah. You got it.
26
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,812
Hey, guys.
Just hanging at home tonight?
27
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,097
No, actually,
we have a date tonight.
28
00:00:56,132 --> 00:00:57,910
'Cause I just made some cobbler.
29
00:00:57,944 --> 00:00:59,287
Some peach cobbler
30
00:00:59,322 --> 00:01:00,722
and slow-churned
vanilla bean ice cream,
31
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,093
and Coach is asking Cece
out on a date tonight, and...
32
00:01:03,128 --> 00:01:04,829
Does anybody want a bite
of this, 'cause it's...?
33
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,438
Ho! Ho!
34
00:01:07,473 --> 00:01:09,843
It's fresh out of the oven.
35
00:01:09,877 --> 00:01:11,685
It's piping hot!
36
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,563
Ha! Ha!
37
00:01:14,098 --> 00:01:15,677
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
38
00:01:15,711 --> 00:01:18,570
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
39
00:01:18,692 --> 00:01:22,169
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:24,666
Well, I hope Coach
at least ran this by you first.
41
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,736
Coach came over,
he followed the bro code.
42
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,538
Actually went really well.
43
00:01:28,572 --> 00:01:31,274
Yeah. Just the man I wanted to see.
44
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,644
- You found me.
- Yeah, I did.
45
00:01:32,678 --> 00:01:34,150
I got a question for you, playa.
46
00:01:34,184 --> 00:01:35,154
Drop the bomb, man!
47
00:01:36,192 --> 00:01:37,763
Can I ask Cece out on a date?
48
00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:40,277
Yeah! Wait, what?
49
00:01:40,311 --> 00:01:43,279
Wait, that's so great for Cece.
Coach is super hot.
50
00:01:44,781 --> 00:01:46,415
Wrong crowd.
51
00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:47,784
I see that now.
52
00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:50,251
Be that as it may,
you blew it with Cece,
53
00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:51,397
so you have to be fine with this.
54
00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:52,935
- I am.
- You are?
55
00:01:52,969 --> 00:01:54,842
- I promise I am.
- You are?
56
00:01:54,877 --> 00:01:56,686
- 100% fine.
- You're fine?
57
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,690
- Yeah, I'm absolutely fine.
- Really?
58
00:01:58,724 --> 00:02:00,894
It's good for Cece, it's good for Coach,
it's good for America.
59
00:02:00,929 --> 00:02:03,365
Who knows? We might even get another
Tiger Woods out of this situation.
60
00:02:03,399 --> 00:02:04,934
Wouldn't that be nice?
61
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,438
I'm probably getting
ahead of myself.
62
00:02:06,472 --> 00:02:08,241
Who knows if Cece
will even say yes?
63
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:09,442
She said yes!
64
00:02:09,476 --> 00:02:11,912
We're going to the Staples Center
to watch a game tonight.
65
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:16,053
Are you still...
Are you cool with this?
66
00:02:16,088 --> 00:02:17,759
Hmm?
67
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:19,733
I mean, 'cause all you have
to do is say the word, man,
68
00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:20,737
and I'll back off, for real.
69
00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:22,443
N... No, man.
70
00:02:22,478 --> 00:02:24,779
Come on. Date that thing.
71
00:02:24,814 --> 00:02:27,418
- Yeah! And then date it again.
- All right.
72
00:02:27,453 --> 00:02:30,058
- It's not gonna date itself.
- Yeah, date it all night long.
73
00:02:30,092 --> 00:02:31,094
I'm kind of nervous!
74
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,704
Yeah, I'm nervous.
75
00:02:33,739 --> 00:02:35,775
Yeah, I'm really nervous.
Um...
76
00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:37,577
I mean, she's beautiful
and she's super cool.
77
00:02:37,612 --> 00:02:39,381
And it's just, like...
Like, you don't even know.
78
00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:41,753
- I 100% know.
- Yes, you kno... You know.
79
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,591
She stopped the wedding because
of me, so I'm just saying.
80
00:02:43,626 --> 00:02:45,598
And then I ruined it
'cause I had my own thing.
81
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,870
Malia broke up with me and that kind
of, like, threw my head for a loop,
82
00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:49,539
so I'm super vulnerable right now.
83
00:02:49,573 --> 00:02:51,809
It's like... I don't know.
Think I'm feeling kind of insecure.
84
00:02:51,843 --> 00:02:53,546
Come on. You're Coach.
85
00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:55,149
- You're the Coach.
- Yeah.
86
00:02:55,184 --> 00:02:58,594
You're the prize.
Remember, you're the prize.
87
00:02:58,628 --> 00:03:00,031
You're the prize.
88
00:03:00,065 --> 00:03:01,299
I'm Coach!
89
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:03,301
Yeah, you're Coach.
90
00:03:03,335 --> 00:03:05,170
- She doesn't stand a chance!
- Oh, yeah, well...
91
00:03:05,204 --> 00:03:06,540
She's gonna get it good!
92
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:08,076
Yeah! Or you could take it slow!
93
00:03:08,110 --> 00:03:10,350
- Nah, I'm gunning it!
- Oh, oh! Y-you're gonna gun it.
94
00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:11,687
- I am gunning it. Yes.
- You're gonna gun it for real?
95
00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:13,756
That first-class ass
is sitting in coach tonight.
96
00:03:13,791 --> 00:03:16,659
And best believe,
my seat will be in an upright
97
00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:18,363
and locked position.
98
00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,400
Thanks, Schmidt.
99
00:03:23,073 --> 00:03:24,744
Oh... boy.
100
00:03:24,778 --> 00:03:26,080
He's gonna gun it.
101
00:03:26,115 --> 00:03:30,555
I don't know if you heard that,
but he said he's going to gun it.
102
00:03:33,027 --> 00:03:35,564
- He's really not fine.
- When he says,
103
00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:38,534
"I'm fine,"
he's about to get un-fine.
104
00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,237
Aw, Schmidters.
105
00:03:40,272 --> 00:03:42,741
There's gonna be other open mics.
106
00:03:42,775 --> 00:03:44,810
With sturdier stools.
107
00:03:44,844 --> 00:03:46,346
I'm fine.
108
00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:47,815
I know you're fine.
109
00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:50,253
Then they'll see your rap skills.
Then...
110
00:03:50,288 --> 00:03:53,093
Hey. Stop!
You just said you were fine!
111
00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:54,631
You just said you were fine!
112
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:56,034
Let me die!
113
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,836
I know Schmidt.
114
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,339
He's gonna try and stop
that date from happening.
115
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,109
- Okay.
- So the strategy is containment.
116
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,110
- Okay.
- We got to lock him up.
117
00:04:04,145 --> 00:04:05,614
Distract him like a baby.
118
00:04:05,648 --> 00:04:07,985
If he gets out of line,
we got to get physical.
119
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:09,423
We're gonna get physical
with a baby?
120
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,193
Please don't question me.
I'm a pro.
121
00:04:11,227 --> 00:04:13,032
Or we could help him move on.
122
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:15,040
Take him out, get him drunk,
maybe meet someone new?
123
00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:16,703
No. We just got to keep him
in a safe place.
124
00:04:16,737 --> 00:04:19,554
- I wish I had that dog cage.
- What?
125
00:04:19,589 --> 00:04:22,214
When you see a dog cage
for sale, you buy it.
126
00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:24,453
Hey, Jess, about tonight,
I'm so sorry.
127
00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:26,121
We'll have date night
when we're marrie...
128
00:04:26,156 --> 00:04:28,988
- Da, burp a durp a durp.
- What did you just...
129
00:04:29,022 --> 00:04:30,788
Merry. When we're
very Merry Christmas.
130
00:04:30,822 --> 00:04:32,591
All right, moving on.
131
00:04:33,528 --> 00:04:35,765
Hey, uh...
132
00:04:35,799 --> 00:04:37,870
I'm having second thoughts
about Coach and Cece.
133
00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,470
Maybe I should stop their date.
134
00:04:39,504 --> 00:04:40,737
Smarten up!
135
00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:43,070
Thank you. Um...
136
00:04:43,105 --> 00:04:46,074
Did you get a chance to get
that, uh... the dog cage?
137
00:04:46,108 --> 00:04:48,480
- No. I feel bad.
- You didn't?
138
00:04:48,514 --> 00:04:50,450
- That was the solution.
- I know it was.
139
00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:52,985
Yeah, Jess, so I j... I just...
I just buzzed him up.
140
00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:55,685
I... He asked me out on a date,
and I said yes.
141
00:04:55,719 --> 00:04:57,253
We're both going through
a breakup right now,
142
00:04:57,287 --> 00:04:59,257
- which is good, right?
- Totally.
143
00:04:59,292 --> 00:05:01,228
Gun it. Gun it!
144
00:05:01,262 --> 00:05:03,900
- He's here.
- Don't go past second base.
145
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:05,200
Okay. Bye.
146
00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:09,006
- Hey.
- Hey.
147
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,043
Wow. Uh, y-you look...
amazing.
148
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:13,311
Aw.
149
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,714
You look...
150
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,216
this.
151
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,886
I give you this 'cause you look...
152
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,024
...this, this and this.
153
00:05:23,058 --> 00:05:26,331
- I'll give you all these. No.
- Thank...
154
00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:28,134
I'm really excited about the game.
155
00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:29,204
Yeah!
156
00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:31,241
Yeah. Yeah.
157
00:05:31,275 --> 00:05:33,377
- I'm gonna go get my purse.
- Okay, cool.
158
00:05:33,411 --> 00:05:35,078
What is wrong with you?
159
00:05:35,113 --> 00:05:36,746
You're the prize!
You're the prize!
160
00:05:36,781 --> 00:05:38,381
Get it together.
161
00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:42,221
- Hey. What's up, man?
- Hey.
162
00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:47,328
That's what's up, that's
what's up, that's what's up.
163
00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:50,132
Really appreciate this, guys.
164
00:05:53,203 --> 00:05:55,338
- Are you guys hungry?
- Always. Yeah.
165
00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:57,341
Great. I'm gonna go get some
food from the Staples Center.
166
00:05:57,375 --> 00:05:59,610
- Hey, easy. Chill out.
- Okay. All right.
167
00:05:59,644 --> 00:06:01,145
You're right, you're right.
Great call.
168
00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:02,381
Hey, Winston.
169
00:06:02,416 --> 00:06:03,617
Hey. What happened to you?
170
00:06:03,651 --> 00:06:05,119
I thought you were supposed
to go to a party.
171
00:06:05,153 --> 00:06:06,556
Yeah, it's been so long
172
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:08,859
that I think I forgot
how to talk to women.
173
00:06:08,893 --> 00:06:11,862
You ever wonder if someone
in here has killed someone?
174
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,565
Ferguson is his name.
Yeah, he's my cat.
175
00:06:15,599 --> 00:06:16,933
Here's him in a cowboy hat.
176
00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,302
Good lord, darling,
how big are your feet?
177
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,271
You know what?
It's fine.
178
00:06:21,305 --> 00:06:22,672
I'll be alone my whole life.
179
00:06:22,706 --> 00:06:25,108
You know, Hank Aaron was alone
for every home run he hit.
180
00:06:25,142 --> 00:06:26,409
As long as I got Ferguson.
181
00:06:26,443 --> 00:06:28,311
Speaking of which,
where is that cat?
182
00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:30,913
Ferguson!
183
00:06:30,947 --> 00:06:33,148
That's strange.
He usually comes when I call him.
184
00:06:34,517 --> 00:06:36,151
Nick, you left the window open?
185
00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:37,352
Oh, my God, no.
186
00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:38,754
- Nick!
- What?
187
00:06:38,788 --> 00:06:40,322
You know he always trying
to kick it with those pigeons.
188
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,589
Nick, you let him out.
189
00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:43,158
I did... I didn't mean to.
I just opened the window.
190
00:06:43,192 --> 00:06:44,559
Man, I asked you to do one thing!
191
00:06:44,593 --> 00:06:46,694
- Winston, I'm really sorry.
- This is your fault, man!
192
00:06:46,728 --> 00:06:49,133
- I feel terrible, Winston.
- You're gonna help me find him!
193
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:51,101
Winston, don't leave...
Winston...
194
00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:53,170
Okay, I'm coming, buddy.
Jess, I'm sorry, but you're gonna
195
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,304
have to stay here
and keep an eye on Schmidt.
196
00:06:54,338 --> 00:06:55,771
No! No, no, no.
197
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,506
You can't leave me here with him.
198
00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:00,611
No, she's right. You can't do that.
What if it gets rough?
199
00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:02,215
Nick, he is in pain.
I can feel it.
200
00:07:02,249 --> 00:07:03,082
- Don't you go!
- Stay!
201
00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:04,050
I am so scared, man!
202
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:05,384
What do you want me to do, Jess?
203
00:07:05,419 --> 00:07:07,219
- Stay.
- Everybody settle!
204
00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:09,154
Look, this is my fault.
Winston, I'm coming with you.
205
00:07:09,188 --> 00:07:10,855
Schmidt, just get it together.
206
00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,993
Jess, I'm sorry.
Just keep him here
207
00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:14,964
and keep his mind off the date.
I have to go.
208
00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:15,931
I'm sorry.
209
00:07:15,966 --> 00:07:16,966
We got to go.
210
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,734
Let's find that damn cat!
211
00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:22,303
What do you think Coach and Cece
are doing right now?
212
00:07:22,338 --> 00:07:24,105
- I don't know.
- They probably just sat down.
213
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,293
Touching thighs for the first time.
214
00:07:26,328 --> 00:07:27,876
- I'm gonna go stop that date!
- No!
215
00:07:33,681 --> 00:07:36,617
Is that literally all you have?
216
00:07:37,722 --> 00:07:39,358
Oh, my God, we're screwed.
217
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,760
- Nick!
- Nick!
218
00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:45,802
Uh, think.
219
00:07:45,836 --> 00:07:47,070
Coach gave me an out.
220
00:07:47,104 --> 00:07:49,005
He said, "Just say the word
and it's off."
221
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,841
And you know what?
I'm just gonna say the word.
222
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,042
No! No!
223
00:07:52,077 --> 00:07:53,210
You call, you say the word.
224
00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:54,711
No, Schmidt!
225
00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:56,279
God, you can't do that to Cece.
226
00:07:56,314 --> 00:07:58,448
She's just starting to move on.
227
00:07:58,482 --> 00:08:00,718
All we have to do
is get through the night.
228
00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:01,853
Just have to get your mind off her.
229
00:08:01,888 --> 00:08:03,856
What do you want to start with?
230
00:08:03,891 --> 00:08:05,450
♪ Play it now ♪
231
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,182
♪ Play it now, my baby ♪
232
00:08:08,217 --> 00:08:10,262
♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on by ♪
233
00:08:10,296 --> 00:08:11,697
What's-what's happening?
234
00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:17,572
Maybe just go no shoes.
I don't know.
235
00:08:17,606 --> 00:08:19,775
Okay, and this one's
tenth grade, so...
236
00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:21,109
This one's from Evan G.
237
00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:23,710
Evan G. was the captain
of the water polo team.
238
00:08:23,745 --> 00:08:25,980
"Hey, Jess, we both like lunch."
239
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:27,449
That's true.
240
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:29,118
Oh, lean in... Aw, dude...
241
00:08:29,153 --> 00:08:32,156
♪ Play it now, play it now ♪
242
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,458
♪ My baby ♪
243
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,793
♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on board ♪
244
00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:38,009
Camryn Manheim represents
a woman who was heckled
245
00:08:38,044 --> 00:08:40,064
by a carnival clown,
and Dylan McDermott says...
246
00:08:40,099 --> 00:08:41,733
- I can't stop thinking about Cece!
- Okay!
247
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,801
Nick said this would work.
Sit down.
248
00:08:43,836 --> 00:08:45,285
Stop thinking about Cece.
249
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,072
Wow. Look at this leather.
250
00:08:48,106 --> 00:08:51,842
It's so smooth, brown.
251
00:08:51,876 --> 00:08:53,477
It's just like Cece.
252
00:08:53,511 --> 00:08:54,913
That's weird.
253
00:08:54,947 --> 00:08:57,283
You're right. I'm just gonna
lay down for a little bit.
254
00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:58,684
Okay.
255
00:09:00,718 --> 00:09:02,916
Oh, yeah, this feels good.
256
00:09:10,863 --> 00:09:12,330
Okay.
257
00:09:12,364 --> 00:09:13,829
What are you doing, Schmidt?
258
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,798
- Nothing, just go.
- No, no, no, no.
259
00:09:15,832 --> 00:09:17,066
- Just go away.
- Okay...
260
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:18,168
Schmidt, hey.
261
00:09:18,203 --> 00:09:19,804
No! We're getting you out of here,
262
00:09:19,839 --> 00:09:21,807
and we're gonna get you
a new woman, okay?
263
00:09:21,842 --> 00:09:23,476
Nick said to stay home.
264
00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:25,412
Well, Nick doesn't know
everything, Schmidt.
265
00:09:25,446 --> 00:09:26,645
And please stop this.
This is so disgusting.
266
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,413
I can't even look at you.
267
00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:30,048
Come on, this is gross.
This is getting really weird.
268
00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:31,150
Please! Just one more kiss!
269
00:09:31,184 --> 00:09:33,688
No, you're kissing a sectional,
you dummy!
270
00:09:33,722 --> 00:09:35,125
All right.
271
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:38,031
That was the right move.
You did good.
272
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,833
- Ferguson!
- Ferguson!
273
00:09:40,868 --> 00:09:41,901
Ferguson!
274
00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:43,036
Come here, buddy!
275
00:09:43,071 --> 00:09:44,804
Come on, you little son of a bitch!
276
00:09:44,839 --> 00:09:46,305
We should do another lap
around the park.
277
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,708
I bet those mean-ass kids
playing frisbee are gone by now.
278
00:09:48,743 --> 00:09:51,649
Winston...
We've looked everywhere.
279
00:09:51,683 --> 00:09:53,752
What are you do...?
Winston.
280
00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:55,788
Damn it!
281
00:09:55,823 --> 00:09:57,993
I should've never gone
to that party.
282
00:09:58,027 --> 00:09:59,562
Nah, the party was a good thing.
283
00:09:59,596 --> 00:10:01,498
- You should go to more parties.
- Really?
284
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:03,302
I got shot down by,
I don't know,
285
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,905
16 or so different women.
286
00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,140
And then I come home to find out
287
00:10:06,174 --> 00:10:09,011
that you have misplaced
my best friend.
288
00:10:09,045 --> 00:10:10,881
- Ferguson's your best friend now?
- Yes!
289
00:10:10,916 --> 00:10:11,917
Would you listen to yourself?
290
00:10:11,951 --> 00:10:13,019
This is pathetic.
291
00:10:13,053 --> 00:10:15,123
- Whoa.
- "Pathetic" is harsh.
292
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:18,094
- I didn't mean...
- Friends don't call friends pathetic.
293
00:10:18,129 --> 00:10:19,328
Well, what do friends do
294
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,595
when their other friend is
taking a shower with a cat?
295
00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:25,298
Wait, wait, wait!
296
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,666
I just got a text.
297
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:27,835
Somebody found him.
298
00:10:27,869 --> 00:10:29,337
- No way! Ferguson?
- Yes.
299
00:10:29,371 --> 00:10:31,070
Yes! Don't do that at all.
300
00:10:31,104 --> 00:10:32,971
If that cat's alive,
we're made up.
301
00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:36,878
How you liking that merch?
302
00:10:36,912 --> 00:10:38,916
Oh, it's...
303
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:40,118
It's great, thanks.
304
00:10:40,152 --> 00:10:42,689
Yeah, yeah.
305
00:10:42,723 --> 00:10:44,857
- You want a pretzel?
- No, I'm-I'm fine, thanks.
306
00:10:44,892 --> 00:10:46,292
It wasn't a question.
Hey, yo, slice!
307
00:10:46,326 --> 00:10:50,165
Let me get about seven
of them hot things!
308
00:10:50,199 --> 00:10:51,468
You worried about the money?
309
00:10:51,502 --> 00:10:53,506
It's cool, I got it, babe.
310
00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:55,977
Coach had a good year today.
311
00:10:57,646 --> 00:10:59,346
Yeah, when I-I agreed
to go out with you,
312
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:00,982
this isn't exactly what I expected.
313
00:11:01,016 --> 00:11:03,152
I know, I hear that a lot,
I hear that a lot.
314
00:11:05,524 --> 00:11:07,896
Uh-oh!
315
00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:09,066
Ha-ha! Look at that.
316
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,734
Coach is blowing up.
317
00:11:10,768 --> 00:11:12,803
Oh.
318
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:13,905
I'll just...
319
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,107
Thanks.
320
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,810
Damn it.
321
00:11:16,846 --> 00:11:19,083
I can't mingle with this trash.
322
00:11:19,117 --> 00:11:20,385
I've been to the mountaintop.
323
00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:21,922
Okay, look. Look at me.
324
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:24,024
You are moving on.
Now, where's the old Schmidt?
325
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:27,159
When I moved into the loft,
you used to pull so many ladies.
326
00:11:27,193 --> 00:11:28,661
You were legendary.
327
00:11:28,695 --> 00:11:32,136
That year, uh, Hurricane Schmidt
did-did demolish
328
00:11:32,170 --> 00:11:33,940
- a number of beach communities.
- Right.
329
00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:36,308
All right, we're gonna go talk
to this girl over here.
330
00:11:36,343 --> 00:11:37,910
She's on a flip phone, Jess.
331
00:11:37,945 --> 00:11:40,948
I mean, she's either poor
or a time traveler.
332
00:11:40,983 --> 00:11:42,351
Hi! This is my friend Schmidt.
333
00:11:42,385 --> 00:11:44,756
And he's sweet and he's smart.
334
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:46,793
And he has a job that I
don't really understand,
335
00:11:46,827 --> 00:11:47,993
but seems to pay him well.
336
00:11:48,028 --> 00:11:49,427
- Schmidt, sit down.
- Okay.
337
00:11:49,462 --> 00:11:52,162
I'm gonna
give you two a moment.
338
00:11:54,764 --> 00:11:57,068
Look, you're a beautiful woman.
339
00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:59,640
In another life, we certainly
would've been lovers, but...
340
00:11:59,674 --> 00:12:03,309
my soul mate is at a Sparks game
right now with another man.
341
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:04,474
I need to go get her.
342
00:12:04,509 --> 00:12:06,375
- Oh, you poor thing...
- Please don't interrupt me.
343
00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:09,680
Now, do you see that
bug-eyed woman over there?
344
00:12:11,386 --> 00:12:13,819
I need to ditch her so that I can go
fulfill my destiny.
345
00:12:13,853 --> 00:12:15,152
Now, tell me when
she looks away.
346
00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:16,885
Not now.
347
00:12:16,919 --> 00:12:19,152
Not now. Wait.
348
00:12:19,187 --> 00:12:20,020
Now.
349
00:12:21,925 --> 00:12:24,897
What might've been.
350
00:12:26,635 --> 00:12:29,133
Hey, Schmidt! No!
351
00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:33,834
What do you think he's gonna
look like when we get him back?
352
00:12:33,868 --> 00:12:36,870
Found him under the steps
eating a dead raccoon's eyeball.
353
00:12:38,106 --> 00:12:40,174
Your cat's a psycho.
354
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,711
Oh, did my baby have
a tasty treat?
355
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,484
Ferguson, I missed you
so much, little buddy.
356
00:12:45,519 --> 00:12:46,954
They're very connected,
those two.
357
00:12:46,989 --> 00:12:48,756
I can relate.
Got a beast of my own.
358
00:12:48,790 --> 00:12:50,123
Hodgkiss, wake up.
359
00:12:51,759 --> 00:12:54,161
- We got company.
- Aw.
360
00:12:54,195 --> 00:12:56,628
- Is that a squirrel?
- Squirrel? It's a hamster.
361
00:12:56,663 --> 00:12:58,165
Nick, you know
what a squirrel looks like.
362
00:12:58,199 --> 00:12:59,534
Okay, you've been outside, man.
363
00:12:59,568 --> 00:13:01,468
Trying to just figure out
the smell, I guess.
364
00:13:01,503 --> 00:13:03,737
This guy's the best.
I'd rather stay home
365
00:13:03,772 --> 00:13:05,841
and watch Grey's with him
than go out to some bar,
366
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:08,678
try to impress some douche bag
dressed like a lumberjack.
367
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:10,816
I am done chasing men.
368
00:13:10,851 --> 00:13:11,883
I hear that.
369
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:14,051
I am so done chasing women.
370
00:13:15,219 --> 00:13:16,787
That's too bad.
371
00:13:22,262 --> 00:13:23,596
Yeah, it's too bad.
372
00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:26,033
You guys hungry?
373
00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:28,402
- Oh, no, but thank you very much...
- I could eat.
374
00:13:28,436 --> 00:13:30,005
Winston, do you like bologna?
375
00:13:30,039 --> 00:13:32,210
It's the kind you have
to peel the wrapper off
376
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,611
just to get to the meat.
377
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:37,080
And do you have pudding in a cup?
378
00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:38,215
I never have pudding in a cup.
379
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:40,185
No.
380
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,920
Is that a good thing
or a bad thing that she doesn't?
381
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,422
That's a good thing.
382
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,024
You know, I don't know
what's going on here.
383
00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:48,524
Find Staples Center!
384
00:13:48,558 --> 00:13:49,889
Finding Starples Medical Supply.
385
00:13:49,924 --> 00:13:51,725
No, you dumb pocket robot!
386
00:13:51,759 --> 00:13:53,028
Dan plummer rubber stumpers.
387
00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:54,631
Aah! Now you're
just making up words!
388
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:55,700
That's not even a place!
389
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:56,969
Damn you!
390
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,038
Maiden worcestershire sauce.
391
00:13:58,072 --> 00:14:00,174
Huh. Chocolate.
392
00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:01,977
Hi, there.
393
00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:04,980
I'm ruining a date, and I don't
want to show up empty-handed.
394
00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:08,282
I will take three of the,
ooh, the dulce de leches.
395
00:14:08,317 --> 00:14:09,383
Um...
396
00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:12,188
How about some caramels?
397
00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:14,961
Do you have anything that says
"I'm sorry for cheating on you.
398
00:14:14,995 --> 00:14:16,631
Please don't sleep with my friend"?
399
00:14:18,169 --> 00:14:19,602
Of course you don't.
Wonderful.
400
00:14:19,637 --> 00:14:21,271
Ooh, look at that... Samples.
401
00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:26,979
Wha...? Who are you
texting right now?
402
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:28,915
Uh, wh-what are you talking about?
403
00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:30,517
I'm not texting.
I was just, uh...
404
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:31,717
You're texting right now.
405
00:14:31,751 --> 00:14:33,117
Nah, I'm just, uh...
406
00:14:33,151 --> 00:14:34,719
Okay, you know what?
Whoever you are texting,
407
00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:35,887
if you want to be with them,
408
00:14:35,921 --> 00:14:37,389
you should just go off
and be with them.
409
00:14:37,423 --> 00:14:39,825
You're so jealous.
410
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,997
Okay, yeah, you know what...
That's it!
411
00:14:42,032 --> 00:14:43,999
That is the last straw!
412
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,368
I'm out of here.
413
00:14:46,402 --> 00:14:48,403
Cece...
414
00:14:57,817 --> 00:15:00,085
So, Bertie, have you always
been a bus driver?
415
00:15:00,119 --> 00:15:01,520
I used to manage a shoe store.
416
00:15:01,554 --> 00:15:02,988
Then I, uh, quit,
417
00:15:03,022 --> 00:15:04,657
had a few dark years.
418
00:15:04,692 --> 00:15:07,363
- Sold christian t-shirts for a while.
- Okay.
419
00:15:07,398 --> 00:15:09,865
Got my tubes tied.
Not cheap.
420
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,132
- This is a real honest conversation.
- Shut up, Nick.
421
00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:15,734
Pulled myself out of that
personal hell, and... voilà.
422
00:15:15,768 --> 00:15:17,201
- Wow.
- You know,
423
00:15:17,235 --> 00:15:18,668
I like driving bus.
424
00:15:18,703 --> 00:15:20,740
Get to put whatever I want
on the dash.
425
00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:23,480
Keeps the darkness away.
You know?
426
00:15:23,514 --> 00:15:25,015
I also, uh...
427
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,884
I paint.
428
00:15:26,918 --> 00:15:29,020
You paint?
429
00:15:32,394 --> 00:15:33,830
It's a boat.
430
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,534
Oh, I can see it's a boat.
431
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,169
All right, well, uh...
432
00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:40,671
I better take my stomach medicine.
433
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:43,376
I got to get up at 3:30.
434
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,045
- Is that A.M.?
- I drive a bus.
435
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,750
Will you eat
your damn sandwich, Nick.
436
00:15:47,784 --> 00:15:49,483
I don't like it.
437
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,482
What about you, Winston?
Do you like it?
438
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,252
I'm not gonna lie to you, Bertie.
439
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,188
Sometimes it was
a little hard to chew.
440
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:58,260
Well... You can suck on it
to make it soft.
441
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,428
Wow. Is something happening
between you two?
442
00:16:06,462 --> 00:16:09,833
- Dude, she is so real.
- Okay, good.
443
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,536
Would you do me a favor?
Now, you owe me.
444
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,772
Winston, I would love to.
Anything.
445
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,674
I mean it. Anything.
446
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,042
- Okay.
- I owe you.
447
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,877
I need you...
448
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,912
...to take Ferguson home
tonight for me
449
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:25,053
while I just stay here and,
you know, see where this goes.
450
00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:27,255
Yes. This is a big moment.
451
00:16:27,289 --> 00:16:28,856
- Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
452
00:16:28,891 --> 00:16:31,895
Listen, Ferguson,
I'm about to do what adults do.
453
00:16:31,929 --> 00:16:33,130
- Hey, wish me luck.
- I think that's enough.
454
00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:35,368
- Wish me luck.
- Oh, this is a fat cat.
455
00:16:35,402 --> 00:16:36,770
It's a tough decision.
Do I...? I'll just leave...
456
00:16:36,805 --> 00:16:38,140
- Stay here, stay here.
- Okay. Yeah!
457
00:16:38,175 --> 00:16:40,907
Cece, wait! Please wait!
458
00:16:40,942 --> 00:16:42,475
I was texting my mom!
459
00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:44,242
- Dork.
- Shut up!
460
00:16:46,244 --> 00:16:48,114
Oh, come on!
461
00:16:48,149 --> 00:16:50,819
Do you really expect me
to believe that?
462
00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:53,154
No. I-I promise...
I... My mom...
463
00:16:53,188 --> 00:16:57,458
She was texting me because
I was super nervous about this date.
464
00:16:57,492 --> 00:16:59,495
- Your mom?
- Look.
465
00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:00,999
"Go get 'em, BooBoo"?
466
00:17:01,034 --> 00:17:03,402
That's me. I'm BooBoo.
467
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:05,470
Why do you need
inspirational quotes
468
00:17:05,505 --> 00:17:07,672
from your mom
just to talk to me?
469
00:17:07,707 --> 00:17:09,674
I'm sorry. I...
470
00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:12,112
I'm just... I'm coming
out of this relationship,
471
00:17:12,147 --> 00:17:15,378
and, like... I just...
472
00:17:15,413 --> 00:17:16,851
I don't know.
I feel I don't know how to...
473
00:17:16,886 --> 00:17:19,621
I don't know
how to do this anymore.
474
00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:22,093
I know how you feel.
475
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,796
You do?
476
00:17:23,831 --> 00:17:25,999
Yeah.
477
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,433
Wow. Uh...
478
00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:32,037
I just want to put on some Drake
and get up on you, girl.
479
00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:33,306
You see, you're doing it again.
480
00:17:33,341 --> 00:17:34,976
Damn it! I know.
481
00:17:35,011 --> 00:17:36,345
Sorry.
482
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,112
Hey! Schmidt!
483
00:17:38,146 --> 00:17:39,781
Schmidt, what are you doing?!
484
00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:41,783
Why do you have
all that chocolate?
485
00:17:41,818 --> 00:17:43,219
I'm going to go win her back!
486
00:17:43,253 --> 00:17:45,188
Do you know where
I can get a pretty candle?!
487
00:17:45,222 --> 00:17:47,159
No. Come on, Schmidt,
get in the car.
488
00:17:49,664 --> 00:17:51,563
Get in the car.
489
00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:52,930
I love her, Jess.
490
00:17:54,231 --> 00:17:56,498
I have to tell her.
491
00:17:56,532 --> 00:17:57,900
Well, you can't.
492
00:17:57,934 --> 00:17:59,803
You have to let her go.
493
00:17:59,837 --> 00:18:01,174
I know.
494
00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:03,343
Look, you're right. I know.
495
00:18:03,377 --> 00:18:05,713
Okay, good.
Come on, get back in the car.
496
00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:07,082
I also know
that in about 30 seconds,
497
00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:08,517
I'm gonna run away
from you again,
498
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:09,986
and this time, I will lose you.
499
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,522
I'll go down alleys,
I'll cut across parks.
500
00:18:12,557 --> 00:18:15,557
I will live in the shadows,
just slithering, lurking,
501
00:18:15,591 --> 00:18:17,092
trolling the darkness.
502
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:21,599
Jess, there's only one way
for you to stop me.
503
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,168
Well, I'll do it, whatever it is.
504
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,103
Hit me with your car.
505
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:28,234
What?! No! No!
506
00:18:28,269 --> 00:18:29,937
It's the only way
for you to stop me!
507
00:18:29,971 --> 00:18:31,539
No! That's crazy, Schmidt!
508
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:34,109
Come on, Jess. Now, do it!
I deserve it.
509
00:18:34,144 --> 00:18:36,746
I cheated on your best friend,
I tried to break up you and Nick.
510
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,846
- Hit the gas.
- No! No!
511
00:18:38,879 --> 00:18:41,345
Jess, you do this,
or I'm gonna run.
512
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,916
- I don't want to!
- I'm gonna give you to the count of three.
513
00:18:43,951 --> 00:18:47,055
- No, I don't want to! Schmidt!
- Three. Two. Do it for Cece.
514
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:52,093
Oh, my God!
515
00:18:52,127 --> 00:18:55,063
What the hell was that?!
516
00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:56,967
You told me to hit you
with the car!
517
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:59,973
- You friggin' hit me with your vehicle!
- You asked me to.
518
00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:02,974
- I didn't think you were gonna do it.
- I barely tapped you.
519
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:04,709
This is my favorite utility khaki!
520
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,476
Well, then don't tell me
to hit you with my car
521
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:08,211
if you don't want me
to hit you with my car!
522
00:19:08,246 --> 00:19:09,479
- You're out of control!
- What?
523
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,481
Ma'am, please pull over.
524
00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:13,950
Jess!
525
00:19:13,984 --> 00:19:17,186
Oh, my God! Schmidt!
526
00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:18,588
Son of a bitch!
527
00:19:20,302 --> 00:19:22,867
- I know how this looks.
- Like you hit a man with your car?
528
00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:24,367
Twice.
529
00:19:24,401 --> 00:19:26,003
I only meant to hit you once.
530
00:19:26,037 --> 00:19:28,840
- Well, you hit me twice.
- Also, he asked me to hit him.
531
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,777
I'm in a really weird place.
532
00:19:30,811 --> 00:19:33,680
- I just need to write a report.
- She's not a criminal. She...
533
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,146
She was being a friend.
534
00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:37,880
I hit him
because I care about him.
535
00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:41,687
You guys are
into some weird stuff.
536
00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:50,522
Well, congratulations.
537
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,860
You made it.
538
00:19:54,431 --> 00:19:55,765
I did, didn't I?
539
00:19:55,799 --> 00:19:57,600
Yeah.
540
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,766
And, hey, you know, don't worry
about the hospital bill.
541
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,500
I'll pay it.
542
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,938
Wait a minute. Did you think
that I was gonna pay...?
543
00:20:03,972 --> 00:20:05,375
Well, you hit me with your car,
and I thought...
544
00:20:05,409 --> 00:20:10,648
You told me
to hit you with the car.
545
00:20:16,288 --> 00:20:18,691
Schmidt, don't pretend you're fine.
546
00:20:18,725 --> 00:20:20,294
I know you're not.
547
00:20:20,329 --> 00:20:23,964
I'm not fine.
548
00:20:23,998 --> 00:20:26,698
But I will be.
549
00:20:26,733 --> 00:20:28,534
Uh...
550
00:20:28,569 --> 00:20:30,237
Let's just wait it out.
551
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,007
Okay.
552
00:20:35,677 --> 00:20:37,544
God, it's been a half an hour.
553
00:20:37,578 --> 00:20:39,779
Come up for air, you weirdoes.
554
00:20:39,813 --> 00:20:41,614
Mm, mm, mm.
555
00:20:41,648 --> 00:20:43,984
I'm getting kind of revved up.
556
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:45,488
Nick has some work to do.
557
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:46,925
Oh, God.
558
00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:48,793
Give me a chocolate.
559
00:20:53,195 --> 00:20:55,629
Mm.
560
00:20:58,503 --> 00:21:00,406
- Hey, there.
- Hey.
561
00:21:01,876 --> 00:21:03,440
Can I get some of that?
562
00:21:16,558 --> 00:21:18,359
Mm-hmm.
563
00:21:18,393 --> 00:21:20,428
You spending the night,
or what?
564
00:21:20,463 --> 00:21:22,265
Oh, hell, yeah.
565
00:21:30,504 --> 00:21:36,547
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com