1
00:00:19,471 --> 00:00:22,013
Oh, hey. I was wondering
about date night tonight.
2
00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:24,957
Um, do you wanna just stay in?
'Cause you know what that means.
3
00:00:24,977 --> 00:00:27,165
- Romantic dinner and "Homeland"?
- Sex on the couch.
4
00:00:27,189 --> 00:00:28,081
Or your thing.
5
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:30,192
- Actually, "Homeland" sounds great.
- Or your thing.
6
00:00:30,212 --> 00:00:31,926
Hey, Nick, um...
7
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,198
Last night when Ferguson
and I were in the shower,
8
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:35,495
I had an epiphany.
9
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:38,626
It's time to get back in the game.
You know, meet some women.
10
00:00:38,665 --> 00:00:41,595
- Human women.
- Human? Is there any other kind?
11
00:00:41,610 --> 00:00:43,558
Anyway, I was wondering if
you'd watch Ferguson tonight
12
00:00:43,578 --> 00:00:45,508
while I go out for some drinks
with some work buddies.
13
00:00:45,524 --> 00:00:47,672
Just for a little while. You just
gotta give him a pill at 6:00.
14
00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:49,340
- We're having date night tonight.
- Jess...
15
00:00:49,359 --> 00:00:53,779
Winston wants to go out
to meet human women.
16
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,751
- Without the cat.
- Oh, yep, yep.
17
00:00:56,769 --> 00:00:59,737
Yep, yep. Nick will
watch the cat.
18
00:00:59,788 --> 00:01:02,053
Question... Are those
mouth pills or butt pills?
19
00:01:02,069 --> 00:01:05,006
Just one pill. Just
one butt pill.
20
00:01:05,428 --> 00:01:06,854
- Here you are.
- I'm not touching that thing.
21
00:01:06,873 --> 00:01:08,683
No? Okay.
(Ferguson meows)
22
00:01:09,126 --> 00:01:10,786
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah. You got it.
23
00:01:10,797 --> 00:01:12,639
Hey, guys. Just hanging
at home tonight?
24
00:01:12,664 --> 00:01:15,716
- No, actually, we have a date tonight.
- 'Cause I just made some cobbler.
25
00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:18,186
Some peach cobbler and slow-churned
vanilla bean ice cream,
26
00:01:18,207 --> 00:01:21,014
and Coach is asking Cece
out on a date tonight, and...
27
00:01:21,205 --> 00:01:23,099
Does anybody want a bite
of this, 'cause it's...?
28
00:01:23,135 --> 00:01:25,441
Ho! Ho!
29
00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:27,662
(Mouth full):
It's fresh out of the oven.
30
00:01:27,772 --> 00:01:29,335
It's piping hot!
31
00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:30,964
Ha! Ha!
32
00:01:31,738 --> 00:01:33,219
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
33
00:01:33,238 --> 00:01:36,097
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
34
00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:39,602
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
35
00:01:40,272 --> 00:01:42,403
NICK: Well, I hope Coach
at least ran this by you first.
36
00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:45,903
Coach came over, he followed the bro code.
Actually went really well.
37
00:01:45,961 --> 00:01:49,105
- Yeah. Just the man I wanted to see.
- (Chuckles)
38
00:01:49,130 --> 00:01:50,536
- You found me.
- Yeah, I did.
39
00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:52,788
- I got a question for you, playa.
- Drop the bomb, man!
40
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:53,780
(Chuckles)
41
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:57,707
- Can I ask Cece out on a date?
- Yeah! Wait, what?
42
00:01:57,914 --> 00:02:01,430
Wait, that's so great for Cece.
Coach is super hot.
43
00:02:03,315 --> 00:02:05,369
Wrong crowd. I see that now.
44
00:02:05,408 --> 00:02:08,950
Be that as it may, you blew it with
Cece, so you have to be fine with this.
45
00:02:08,971 --> 00:02:10,475
- I am.
- You are?
46
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,335
- I promise I am.
- You are?
47
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,154
- 100% fine.
- You're fine?
48
00:02:14,179 --> 00:02:16,149
- Yeah, I'm absolutely fine.
- Really?
49
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,603
It's good for Cece, it's good for
Coach, it's good for America.
50
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:21,000
Who knows? We might even get another
Tiger Woods out of this situation.
51
00:02:21,027 --> 00:02:22,220
Wouldn't that be nice?
52
00:02:22,264 --> 00:02:26,015
I'm probably getting ahead of myself.
Who knows if Cece will even say yes?
53
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,278
She said yes!
54
00:02:27,298 --> 00:02:29,623
We're going to the Staples
Center to watch a game tonight.
55
00:02:29,661 --> 00:02:31,637
(Both chuckle)
56
00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:34,687
- Are you still... Are you cool with this?
- Hmm?
57
00:02:35,359 --> 00:02:38,712
I mean, 'cause all you have to do is say
the word, man, and I'll back off, for real.
58
00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:40,412
N... No, man.
59
00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:42,337
Come on. Date that thing.
60
00:02:42,354 --> 00:02:44,825
- Yeah! And then date it again.
- All right.
61
00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:47,275
- It's not gonna date itself.
- Yeah, date it all night long.
62
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,789
I'm kind of nervous!
63
00:02:50,219 --> 00:02:51,451
Yeah, I'm nervous.
64
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:53,393
Yeah, I'm really nervous.
Um...
65
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:55,180
I mean, she's beautiful
and she's super cool.
66
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,765
And it's just, like...
Like, you don't even know.
67
00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:59,421
- I 100% know.
- Yes, you kno... You know.
68
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,383
She stopped the wedding because
of me, so I'm just saying.
69
00:03:01,403 --> 00:03:03,066
And then I ruined it
'cause I had my own thing.
70
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:05,697
Malia broke up with me and that kind
of, like, threw my head for a loop,
71
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,068
so I'm super vulnerable right now.
It's like... I don't know.
72
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,400
- Think I'm feeling kind of insecure.
- Come on. You're Coach.
73
00:03:11,422 --> 00:03:12,990
- You're the Coach.
- Yeah.
74
00:03:13,006 --> 00:03:16,481
You're the prize. Remember,
you're the prize.
75
00:03:16,881 --> 00:03:18,525
- You're the prize.
- I'm Coach!
76
00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:20,510
- Yeah, you're Coach.
- (Chuckles)
77
00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,661
- She doesn't stand a chance!
- Oh, yeah, well...
78
00:03:22,688 --> 00:03:25,438
- She's gonna get it good!
- Yeah! Or you could take it slow!
79
00:03:25,463 --> 00:03:27,604
- Nah, I'm gunning it!
- Oh, oh! Y-you're gonna gun it.
80
00:03:27,622 --> 00:03:29,294
- I am gunning it. Yes.
- You're gonna gun it for real?
81
00:03:29,317 --> 00:03:31,573
That first-class ass is
sitting in coach tonight.
82
00:03:31,619 --> 00:03:36,026
And best believe, my seat will be
in an upright and locked position.
83
00:03:36,418 --> 00:03:37,683
Thanks, Schmidt.
84
00:03:40,451 --> 00:03:42,657
Oh... boy.
85
00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:43,989
He's gonna gun it.
86
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,938
I don't know if you heard that,
but he said he's going to gun it.
87
00:03:51,474 --> 00:03:53,308
- He's really not fine.
- When he says,
88
00:03:53,326 --> 00:03:55,863
"I'm fine," he's about
to get un-fine.
89
00:03:56,585 --> 00:03:58,253
Aw, Schmidters.
90
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,426
There's gonna be other open mics.
91
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,476
With sturdier stools.
92
00:04:02,916 --> 00:04:05,179
- I'm fine.
- I know you're fine.
93
00:04:05,196 --> 00:04:08,009
- Then they'll see your rap skills. Then...
- (Choking)
94
00:04:08,066 --> 00:04:11,083
Hey. Stop! You just
said you were fine!
95
00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:13,368
- You just said you were fine!
- Let me die!
96
00:04:13,416 --> 00:04:15,043
Look. I know Schmidt.
97
00:04:15,329 --> 00:04:17,701
He's gonna try and stop
that date from happening.
98
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,461
- So the strategy is containment.
- Okay.
99
00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:22,122
- Okay.
- We got to lock him up.
100
00:04:22,142 --> 00:04:25,269
Distract him like a baby. If he gets
out of line, we got to get physical.
101
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,835
We're gonna get
physical with a baby?
102
00:04:26,848 --> 00:04:30,479
- Please don't question me. I'm a pro.
- Or we could help him move on.
103
00:04:30,506 --> 00:04:32,460
Take him out, get him drunk,
maybe meet someone new?
104
00:04:32,478 --> 00:04:34,472
No. We just got to keep
him in a safe place.
105
00:04:34,496 --> 00:04:36,964
- (Groans) I wish I had that dog cage.
- What?
106
00:04:36,979 --> 00:04:39,806
When you see a dog cage
for sale, you buy it.
107
00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:42,244
Hey, Jess, about tonight,
I'm so sorry.
108
00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:45,263
We'll have date night when we're marrie...
Da, burp a durp a durp.
109
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:48,933
- What did you just...
- Merry. When we're very Merry Christmas.
110
00:04:48,951 --> 00:04:50,431
All right, moving on.
111
00:04:51,493 --> 00:04:52,985
Hey, uh...
112
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:55,307
I'm having second thoughts
about Coach and Cece.
113
00:04:55,325 --> 00:04:57,237
- Maybe I should stop their date.
- (Snaps fingers)
114
00:04:57,293 --> 00:04:58,768
Smarten up!
115
00:04:58,812 --> 00:05:00,887
Thank you. Um...
116
00:05:00,927 --> 00:05:03,863
Did you get a chance to get
that, uh... the dog cage?
117
00:05:03,892 --> 00:05:05,954
- No. I feel bad.
- You didn't?
118
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,823
- That was the solution.
- I know it was.
119
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,546
Yeah, Jess, so I j... I just...
I just buzzed him up.
120
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,736
I... He asked me out on
a date, and I said yes.
121
00:05:13,759 --> 00:05:16,240
We're both going through a breakup
right now, which is good, right?
122
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:17,113
JESS: Totally.
123
00:05:17,132 --> 00:05:18,745
(Whispering):
Gun it. Gun it!
124
00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:21,265
- He's here.
- Don't go past second base.
125
00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:22,724
Okay. Bye.
126
00:05:24,502 --> 00:05:26,241
- Hey.
- Hey.
127
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:29,709
Wow. Uh, y-you look...
(chuckles) amazing.
128
00:05:29,911 --> 00:05:30,980
Aw.
129
00:05:30,991 --> 00:05:32,799
You look...
130
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,009
this.
131
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,709
- I give you this 'cause you look...
- (Chuckles)
132
00:05:37,730 --> 00:05:40,580
...this, this and this.
(Chuckles)
133
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:43,125
- I'll give you all these. No.
- Thank...
134
00:05:44,056 --> 00:05:46,495
- I'm really excited about the game.
- (High-pitched): Yeah!
135
00:05:46,553 --> 00:05:48,741
(Deep voice):
Yeah. Yeah.
136
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,929
- I'm gonna go get my purse.
- Okay, cool.
137
00:05:50,957 --> 00:05:52,507
(Whispering):
What is wrong with you?
138
00:05:52,525 --> 00:05:55,592
You're the prize! You're the prize!
Get it together.
139
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,883
- Hey. What's up, man?
- Hey.
140
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,484
(Forced chuckle)
141
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:04,697
That's what's up, that's
what's up, that's what's up.
142
00:06:06,064 --> 00:06:07,838
SCHMIDT:
Really appreciate this, guys.
143
00:06:07,863 --> 00:06:10,428
(TV playing quietly)
(Sighs)
144
00:06:11,488 --> 00:06:13,250
- Are you guys hungry?
- Always. Yeah.
145
00:06:13,281 --> 00:06:15,137
Great. I'm gonna go get some
food from the Staples Center.
146
00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:16,994
- Hey, easy. Chill out.
- Okay. All right.
147
00:06:17,015 --> 00:06:18,490
You're right, you're right.
Great call.
148
00:06:18,513 --> 00:06:19,673
NICK:
Hey, Winston.
149
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:22,484
Hey. What happened to you? I thought
you were supposed to go to a party.
150
00:06:22,505 --> 00:06:26,069
Yeah, it's been so long that I think
I forgot how to talk to women.
151
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:29,196
You ever wonder if someone
in here has killed someone?
152
00:06:29,218 --> 00:06:30,806
(Chuckles)
153
00:06:31,465 --> 00:06:34,246
Ferguson is his name. Yeah, he's my cat.
Here's him in a cowboy hat.
154
00:06:34,265 --> 00:06:36,599
Good lord, darling, how
big are your feet?
155
00:06:37,223 --> 00:06:40,082
You know what? It's fine.
I'll be alone my whole life.
156
00:06:40,119 --> 00:06:42,494
You know, Hank Aaron was alone
for every home run he hit.
157
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:44,247
As long as I got Ferguson.
158
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,958
Speaking of which,
where is that cat?
159
00:06:45,975 --> 00:06:47,003
Ferguson!
160
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:48,591
(Whistles)
161
00:06:48,619 --> 00:06:50,707
That's strange. He usually
comes when I call him.
162
00:06:50,737 --> 00:06:51,907
(Car horns honking)
(Siren wailing outside)
163
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:54,897
Nick, you left the window open?
Oh, my God, no.
164
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:55,885
- Nick!
- What?
165
00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:58,024
You know he always trying
to kick it with those pigeons.
166
00:06:58,048 --> 00:06:58,948
Nick, you let him out.
167
00:06:58,973 --> 00:07:00,618
I did... I didn't mean to.
I just opened the window.
168
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:02,943
- Man, I asked you to do one thing!
- Winston, I'm really sorry.
169
00:07:02,968 --> 00:07:04,687
- This is your fault, man!
- I feel terrible, Winston.
170
00:07:04,711 --> 00:07:06,406
You're gonna help me find him!
171
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:08,358
Winston, don't leave...
Winston...
172
00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:09,746
Okay, I'm coming, buddy.
173
00:07:09,771 --> 00:07:12,240
Jess, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have
to stay here and keep an eye on Schmidt.
174
00:07:12,258 --> 00:07:14,950
No! No, no, no. You can't
leave me here with him.
175
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,170
No, she's right. You can't do that.
What if it gets rough?
176
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,579
Nick, he is in pain.
I can feel it.
177
00:07:19,603 --> 00:07:20,491
- Don't you go!
- Stay!
178
00:07:20,515 --> 00:07:22,803
- I am so scared, man!
- What do you want me to do, Jess?
179
00:07:22,816 --> 00:07:24,703
- Stay. - Don't you dare go.
- Everybody settle!
180
00:07:24,727 --> 00:07:28,711
Look, this is my fault. Winston, I'm coming
with you. Schmidt, just get it together.
181
00:07:28,735 --> 00:07:32,636
Jess, I'm sorry. Just keep him here and
keep his mind off the date. I have to go.
182
00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,314
- I'm sorry.
- We got to go.
183
00:07:34,359 --> 00:07:36,202
Let's find that damn cat!
184
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:37,860
(Door closes)
185
00:07:38,147 --> 00:07:39,780
What do you think Coach and
Cece are doing right now?
186
00:07:39,805 --> 00:07:42,111
- I don't know.
- They probably just sat down.
187
00:07:42,123 --> 00:07:43,947
Touching thighs for the first time.
188
00:07:43,988 --> 00:07:45,646
- I'm gonna go stop that date!
- No!
189
00:07:47,311 --> 00:07:49,011
(Groans)
190
00:07:52,134 --> 00:07:54,191
Is that literally all you have?
191
00:07:55,439 --> 00:07:57,389
Oh, my God, we're screwed.
192
00:07:57,752 --> 00:07:59,431
- Nick!
- Nick!
193
00:08:03,705 --> 00:08:05,137
Uh, think.
194
00:08:05,162 --> 00:08:08,731
Coach gave me an out. He said,
"Just say the word and it's off."
195
00:08:08,748 --> 00:08:11,710
- And you know what? I'm just
gonna say the word. - No! No!
196
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,132
- You call, you say the word.
- No, Schmidt!
197
00:08:14,304 --> 00:08:17,823
God, you can't do that to Cece.
She's just starting to move on.
198
00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:19,442
All we have to do is
get through the night.
199
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,675
- Just get through the night.
- Just have to get your mind off her.
200
00:08:21,714 --> 00:08:23,230
What do you want to start with?
201
00:08:23,374 --> 00:08:24,755
♪ Play it now ♪
202
00:08:24,787 --> 00:08:27,450
♪ Play it now, my baby ♪
203
00:08:27,468 --> 00:08:29,833
♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on by ♪
204
00:08:29,847 --> 00:08:31,248
What's-what's happening?
205
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:32,644
(Humming)
206
00:08:32,672 --> 00:08:34,750
(Tapping rhythmically)
207
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,772
Maybe just go no shoes.
I don't know.
208
00:08:36,802 --> 00:08:38,971
Okay, and this one's
tenth grade, so...
209
00:08:39,093 --> 00:08:40,193
This one's from Evan G.
210
00:08:40,207 --> 00:08:43,086
Evan G. was the captain
of the water polo team.
211
00:08:43,128 --> 00:08:45,363
"Hey, Jess, we both like lunch."
212
00:08:45,404 --> 00:08:46,754
(Chuckles)
That's true.
213
00:08:46,804 --> 00:08:48,498
Oh, lean in... Aw, dude...
214
00:08:48,524 --> 00:08:51,527
♪ Play it now, play it now ♪
215
00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:55,080
- ♪ My baby ♪
- ♪ Cracklin' Rosie, get on board ♪
216
00:08:55,116 --> 00:08:58,319
Camryn Manheim represents a woman who
was heckled by a carnival clown,
217
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,618
- and Dylan McDermott says...
- I can't stop thinking about Cece!
218
00:09:00,637 --> 00:09:03,058
Okay! Nick said this would work.
Sit down.
219
00:09:03,081 --> 00:09:04,530
Stop thinking about Cece.
220
00:09:04,553 --> 00:09:05,570
Wow.
221
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,821
Look at this leather.
It's so smooth, brown.
222
00:09:11,808 --> 00:09:13,337
It's just like Cece.
223
00:09:13,369 --> 00:09:14,432
That's weird.
224
00:09:14,469 --> 00:09:16,493
You're right. I'm just gonna
lay down for a little bit.
225
00:09:16,519 --> 00:09:17,662
Okay.
226
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,524
(Sighs):
Oh, yeah, this feels good.
227
00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:31,878
Okay.
228
00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:33,506
What are you doing, Schmidt?
229
00:09:33,524 --> 00:09:35,209
- Nothing, just go.
- No, no, no, no.
230
00:09:35,227 --> 00:09:38,023
- Just go away.
- Okay... Schmidt, hey.
231
00:09:38,068 --> 00:09:41,041
No! We're getting you out of here, and
we're gonna get you a new woman, okay?
232
00:09:41,059 --> 00:09:42,769
Nick said to stay home.
233
00:09:42,787 --> 00:09:44,689
Well, Nick doesn't know
everything, Schmidt.
234
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:47,791
And please stop this. This is so
disgusting. I can't even look at you.
235
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:50,511
- Come on, this is gross. This is getting
really weird. - Please! Just one more kiss!
236
00:09:50,529 --> 00:09:53,157
No, you're kissing a
sectional, you dummy!
237
00:09:53,174 --> 00:09:54,537
All right.
238
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,519
That was the right move.
You did good.
239
00:09:58,633 --> 00:10:00,366
- Ferguson!
- Ferguson!
240
00:10:00,651 --> 00:10:02,420
- Ferguson!
- Come here, buddy!
241
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,169
Come on, you little son of a bitch!
242
00:10:04,415 --> 00:10:05,710
We should do another lap
around the park.
243
00:10:05,724 --> 00:10:07,971
I bet those mean-ass kids playing
frisbee are gone by now.
244
00:10:08,032 --> 00:10:09,463
Winston...
245
00:10:09,744 --> 00:10:11,316
We've looked everywhere.
246
00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:13,115
What are you do...?
Winston.
247
00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:14,662
Damn it!
248
00:10:15,519 --> 00:10:17,075
I should've never
gone to that party.
249
00:10:17,092 --> 00:10:18,880
Nah, the party was a good thing.
250
00:10:18,899 --> 00:10:20,835
- You should go to more parties.
- Really?
251
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:24,233
I got shot down by, I don't
know, 16 or so different women.
252
00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:28,212
And then I come home to find out that
you have misplaced my best friend.
253
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,064
- Ferguson's your best friend now?
- Yes!
254
00:10:30,079 --> 00:10:32,620
Would you listen to yourself?
This is pathetic.
255
00:10:32,743 --> 00:10:34,156
- Whoa.
- "Pathetic" is harsh.
256
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:37,022
- I didn't mean...
- Friends don't call friends pathetic.
257
00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:40,570
Well, what do friends do when their other
friend is taking a shower with a cat?
258
00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:41,916
(Cell phone chirps)
259
00:10:43,583 --> 00:10:44,950
Wait, wait, wait!
260
00:10:45,004 --> 00:10:46,895
I just got a text.
Somebody found him.
261
00:10:46,927 --> 00:10:48,746
- No way! Ferguson?
- Yes.
262
00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:50,321
Yes! Don't do that at all.
263
00:10:50,343 --> 00:10:52,210
If that cat's alive,
we're made up.
264
00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:54,680
(Whistle blows)
265
00:10:54,694 --> 00:10:56,425
How you liking that merch?
266
00:10:56,976 --> 00:10:58,433
Oh, it's...
267
00:10:58,627 --> 00:11:00,693
- It's great, thanks.
- Yeah, yeah.
268
00:11:00,718 --> 00:11:02,021
(Chuckles)
269
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,303
- You want a pretzel?
- No, I'm-I'm fine, thanks.
270
00:11:04,321 --> 00:11:06,360
It wasn't a question.
Hey, yo, slice!
271
00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:09,264
Let me get about seven
of them hot things!
272
00:11:09,739 --> 00:11:12,500
You worried about the money?
It's cool, I got it, babe.
273
00:11:13,349 --> 00:11:15,508
Coach had a good year today.
274
00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:20,317
Yeah, when I-I agreed to go out with
you, this isn't exactly what I expected.
275
00:11:20,343 --> 00:11:22,774
I know, I hear that a
lot, I hear that a lot.
276
00:11:25,783 --> 00:11:27,192
Uh-oh!
277
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:28,743
Ha-ha! Look at that.
278
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,505
Coach is blowing up.
279
00:11:30,764 --> 00:11:32,004
Oh.
280
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,546
I'll just...
281
00:11:34,048 --> 00:11:36,187
- Thanks.
- Damn it.
282
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,704
I can't mingle with this trash.
283
00:11:38,725 --> 00:11:41,338
- I've been to the mountaintop.
- Okay, look. Look at me.
284
00:11:41,358 --> 00:11:43,900
You are moving on. Now,
where's the old Schmidt?
285
00:11:43,935 --> 00:11:46,835
When I moved into the loft, you
used to pull so many ladies.
286
00:11:46,863 --> 00:11:48,038
You were legendary.
287
00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:51,566
That year, uh, Hurricane
Schmidt did-did demolish
288
00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:53,554
- a number of beach communities.
- Right.
289
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,757
All right, we're gonna go
talk to this girl over here.
290
00:11:55,789 --> 00:11:57,589
She's on a flip phone, Jess.
291
00:11:57,609 --> 00:11:59,861
I mean, she's either
poor or a time traveler.
292
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,421
Hi! This is my friend Schmidt.
293
00:12:02,436 --> 00:12:04,655
And he's sweet and he's smart.
294
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,271
And he has a job that I don't really
understand, but seems to pay him well.
295
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:08,630
- Schmidt, sit down.
- Okay.
296
00:12:08,657 --> 00:12:10,969
(Chuckles) I'm gonna
give you two a moment.
297
00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:15,248
Look,
298
00:12:15,273 --> 00:12:16,436
you're a beautiful woman.
299
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:19,382
In another life, we certainly
would've been lovers, but...
300
00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:22,836
my soul mate is at a Sparks game
right now with another man.
301
00:12:22,865 --> 00:12:23,877
I need to go get her.
302
00:12:23,892 --> 00:12:25,758
- Oh, you poor thing...
- Please don't interrupt me.
303
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:28,705
Now, do you see that
bug-eyed woman over there?
304
00:12:30,598 --> 00:12:33,035
I need to ditch her so that I
can go fulfill my destiny.
305
00:12:33,059 --> 00:12:34,872
Now, tell me when
she looks away.
306
00:12:35,112 --> 00:12:36,587
Not now.
307
00:12:36,777 --> 00:12:38,419
Not now. Wait.
308
00:12:38,451 --> 00:12:39,517
Now.
309
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:43,703
What might've been.
310
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,003
Hey, Schmidt! No!
311
00:12:51,543 --> 00:12:54,235
What do you think he's gonna
look like when we get him back?
312
00:12:55,212 --> 00:12:57,893
Found him under the steps eating
a dead raccoon's eyeball.
313
00:12:57,918 --> 00:12:59,141
(Laughs)
314
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:00,388
Your cat's a psycho.
315
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:03,811
Oh, did my baby have
a tasty treat? (Laughs)
316
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:06,192
Ferguson, I missed you
so much, little buddy.
317
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:07,505
They're very connected,
those two.
318
00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:09,812
I can relate.
Got a beast of my own.
319
00:13:10,253 --> 00:13:11,334
Hodgkiss, wake up.
320
00:13:11,352 --> 00:13:12,858
(Blows)
(Hodgkiss squeaking)
321
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,074
- We got company.
- NICK: Aw.
322
00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:17,245
- Is that a squirrel?
- Squirrel? It's a hamster.
323
00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:20,460
Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like.
Okay, you've been outside, man.
324
00:13:20,488 --> 00:13:22,530
Trying to just figure
out the smell, I guess.
325
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:23,838
This guy's the best.
326
00:13:23,863 --> 00:13:27,107
I'd rather stay home and watch Grey's
with him than go out to some bar,
327
00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:30,065
try to impress some douche bag
dressed like a lumberjack.
328
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,884
I am done chasing men.
329
00:13:31,909 --> 00:13:35,232
WINSTON: I hear that. I
am so done chasing women.
330
00:13:36,245 --> 00:13:37,966
(Smacks lips)
That's too bad.
331
00:13:42,204 --> 00:13:43,404
(Chuckles softly)
332
00:13:43,438 --> 00:13:44,707
Yeah, it's too bad.
333
00:13:44,718 --> 00:13:45,913
Chuckles)
334
00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:48,094
- You guys hungry?
- Oh, no, but thank you very much...
335
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,400
I could eat.
336
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:51,194
Winston, do you like bologna?
337
00:13:51,941 --> 00:13:54,837
It's the kind you have to peel the
wrapper off just to get to the meat.
338
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:57,526
And do you have
pudding in a cup?
339
00:13:57,541 --> 00:13:59,064
I never have pudding in a cup.
340
00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:00,592
No.
341
00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:02,977
Is that a good thing or a
bad thing that she doesn't?
342
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,467
That's a good thing.
343
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,534
You know, I don't know
what's going on here.
344
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:09,434
Find Staples Center!
345
00:14:09,447 --> 00:14:12,922
- Finding Starples Medical Supply.
- No, you dumb pocket robot!
346
00:14:12,941 --> 00:14:15,580
- Dan plummer rubber stumpers.
- Aah! Now you're just making up words!
347
00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:17,802
That's not even a place!
Damn you!
348
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:20,928
- Maiden worcestershire sauce.
- Huh. Chocolate.
349
00:14:22,223 --> 00:14:23,411
Hi, there.
350
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,335
I'm ruining a date, and I don't
want to show up empty-handed.
351
00:14:26,347 --> 00:14:29,724
I will take three of the,
ooh, the dulce de leches.
352
00:14:29,755 --> 00:14:30,674
Um...
353
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:31,901
(Clicks tongue)
354
00:14:31,947 --> 00:14:33,793
How about some caramels?
355
00:14:34,054 --> 00:14:36,047
Do you have anything that says
"I'm sorry for cheating on you.
356
00:14:36,064 --> 00:14:37,700
Please don't sleep with my friend"?
357
00:14:38,994 --> 00:14:42,222
Of course you don't. Wonderful.
Ooh, look at that... Samples.
358
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:48,730
Wha...? Who are you
texting right now?
359
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,318
Uh, wh-what are you talking about?
I'm not texting. I was just, uh...
360
00:14:51,339 --> 00:14:52,908
You're texting right now.
361
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,686
- Nah, I'm just, uh...
- Okay, you know what?
362
00:14:54,717 --> 00:14:56,759
Whoever you are texting, if
you want to be with them,
363
00:14:56,784 --> 00:14:58,809
you should just go off
and be with them.
364
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,536
(Laughs):
You're so jealous.
365
00:15:00,878 --> 00:15:02,946
Okay, yeah, you know what...
That's it!
366
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:06,220
That is the last straw!
I'm out of here.
367
00:15:08,339 --> 00:15:09,689
Cece...
368
00:15:18,999 --> 00:15:20,961
So, Bertie, have you
always been a bus driver?
369
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,957
I used to manage a shoe store.
Then I, uh, quit,
370
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,491
had a few dark years.
371
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:28,312
- Sold christian t-shirts for a while.
- Okay.
372
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:30,579
Got my tubes tied. Not cheap.
373
00:15:30,591 --> 00:15:33,162
- This is a real honest conversation.
- Shut up, Nick.
374
00:15:33,186 --> 00:15:35,632
Pulled myself out of that
personal hell, and...
375
00:15:35,707 --> 00:15:36,820
voilà.
376
00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:39,187
- Wow.
- You know, I like driving bus.
377
00:15:39,216 --> 00:15:41,417
Get to put whatever
I want on the dash.
378
00:15:41,932 --> 00:15:44,283
Keeps the darkness away.
You know?
379
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,978
I also, uh...
380
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,908
- I paint.
- You paint?
381
00:15:53,545 --> 00:15:54,945
It's a boat.
382
00:15:54,966 --> 00:15:56,634
Oh, I can see it's a boat.
383
00:15:58,718 --> 00:16:00,690
All right, well, uh...
384
00:16:00,946 --> 00:16:03,940
I better take my stomach medicine.
I got to get up at 3:30.
385
00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:05,760
- Is that A.M.?
- I drive a bus.
386
00:16:05,772 --> 00:16:07,982
Will you eat your
damn sandwich, Nick.
387
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,372
(Quietly):
I don't like it.
388
00:16:10,399 --> 00:16:12,099
What about you, Winston?
Do you like it?
389
00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:13,949
I'm not gonna lie to you, Bertie.
390
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,876
Sometimes it was a
little hard to chew.
391
00:16:15,885 --> 00:16:17,049
Well...
392
00:16:17,074 --> 00:16:20,359
- You can suck on it to make it soft.
- (Coughing)
393
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:27,654
- Wow. Is something happening
between you two? - (Laughs)
394
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,591
- Dude, she is so real.
- Okay, good.
395
00:16:30,612 --> 00:16:32,675
Would you do me a favor?
Now, you owe me.
396
00:16:32,983 --> 00:16:35,185
Winston, I would love to.
Anything.
397
00:16:35,402 --> 00:16:36,858
- I mean it. Anything.
- Okay.
398
00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,223
I owe you.
399
00:16:38,945 --> 00:16:40,076
I need you...
400
00:16:40,111 --> 00:16:41,065
(Ferguson meows)
401
00:16:41,090 --> 00:16:42,474
...to take Ferguson
home tonight for me
402
00:16:42,496 --> 00:16:45,807
while I just stay here and, you
know, see where this goes.
403
00:16:46,012 --> 00:16:48,307
Yes. This is a big moment.
404
00:16:48,327 --> 00:16:49,462
- Yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
405
00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:52,717
Listen, Ferguson, I'm about
to do what adults do.
406
00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:54,148
- Hey, wish me luck.
- I think that's enough.
407
00:16:54,178 --> 00:16:55,984
- Wish me luck.
- Oh, this is a fat cat.
408
00:16:56,002 --> 00:16:57,546
It's a tough decision.
Do I...? I'll just leave...
409
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,895
- Stay here, stay here.
- Okay. Yeah!
410
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:01,638
Cece, wait! Please wait!
411
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,166
I was texting my mom!
412
00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:05,253
- MAN: Dork.
- Shut up!
413
00:17:06,838 --> 00:17:09,041
Oh, come on!
414
00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:11,476
Do you really expect
me to believe that?
415
00:17:11,494 --> 00:17:13,710
No. I-I promise...
I... My mom...
416
00:17:13,738 --> 00:17:18,280
She was texting me because I was
super nervous about this date.
417
00:17:18,311 --> 00:17:20,030
- Your mom?
- Look.
418
00:17:20,555 --> 00:17:22,024
"Go get 'em, BooBoo"?
419
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,166
That's me. I'm BooBoo.
420
00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:28,428
Why do you need inspirational quotes
from your mom just to talk to me?
421
00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:29,978
I'm sorry. I...
422
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,209
(Sighs)
423
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:34,653
I'm just... I'm coming out of
this relationship, and, like...
424
00:17:35,559 --> 00:17:37,618
I just... I don't know. I
feel I don't know how to...
425
00:17:37,642 --> 00:17:39,768
I don't know how to
do this anymore.
426
00:17:41,506 --> 00:17:43,137
I know how you feel.
427
00:17:43,804 --> 00:17:45,221
You do?
428
00:17:45,844 --> 00:17:47,075
Yeah.
429
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,937
Wow. Uh...
430
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:52,795
I just want to put on some
Drake and get up on you, girl.
431
00:17:52,814 --> 00:17:55,066
- You see, you're doing it again.
- Damn it! I know.
432
00:17:55,486 --> 00:17:57,026
- Sorry. (Laughs)
- (Laughs)
433
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,647
Hey! Schmidt!
434
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:02,402
Schmidt, what are you doing?! Why
do you have all that chocolate?
435
00:18:02,431 --> 00:18:04,050
I'm going to go win her back!
436
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,910
Do you know where I can
get a pretty candle?!
437
00:18:05,929 --> 00:18:08,021
No. Come on, Schmidt,
get in the car.
438
00:18:09,575 --> 00:18:10,897
(Brakes squeaking)
439
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,540
Get in the car.
440
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,088
I love her, Jess.
441
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,946
I have to tell her.
442
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:19,014
Well, you can't.
443
00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:21,710
- You have to let her go.
- I know.
444
00:18:22,681 --> 00:18:24,085
Look, you're right. I know.
445
00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:26,449
Okay, good.
Come on, get back in the car.
446
00:18:26,468 --> 00:18:28,132
I also know that in
about 30 seconds,
447
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,782
I'm gonna run away from you again,
and this time, I will lose you.
448
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:33,310
I'll go down alleys,
I'll cut across parks.
449
00:18:33,338 --> 00:18:38,300
I will live in the shadows, just
slithering, lurking, trolling the darkness.
450
00:18:38,738 --> 00:18:40,005
(Sighs)
451
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,394
Jess, there's only one
way for you to stop me.
452
00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:44,212
Well, I'll do it, whatever it is.
453
00:18:44,885 --> 00:18:46,581
Hit me with your car.
454
00:18:47,199 --> 00:18:48,920
What?! No! No!
455
00:18:48,932 --> 00:18:52,672
- It's the only way for you to stop me!
- No! That's crazy, Schmidt!
456
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,954
Come on, Jess. Now, do it!
I deserve it.
457
00:18:54,974 --> 00:18:57,805
I cheated on your best friend,
I tried to break up you and Nick.
458
00:18:57,843 --> 00:18:59,562
- No! No!
- Hit the gas.
459
00:18:59,585 --> 00:19:02,254
Jess, you do this,
or I'm gonna run.
460
00:19:02,285 --> 00:19:04,622
- I don't want to!
- I'm gonna give you to the count of three.
461
00:19:04,639 --> 00:19:08,133
- No, I don't want to! Schmidt!
- Three. Two. Do it for Cece.
462
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,420
(Groans)
463
00:19:10,427 --> 00:19:11,558
(Yells)
464
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,122
Oh, my God!
465
00:19:14,472 --> 00:19:17,666
- What the hell was that?!
- You told me to hit you with the car!
466
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:20,333
- You friggin' hit me with your vehicle!
- You asked me to.
467
00:19:20,352 --> 00:19:23,769
- I didn't think you were gonna do it.
- I barely tapped you.
468
00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:25,196
This is my favorite
utility khaki!
469
00:19:25,227 --> 00:19:27,111
Well, then don't tell me
to hit you with my car
470
00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:29,001
if you don't want me
to hit you with my car!
471
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,680
- You're out of control!
- What?
472
00:19:30,707 --> 00:19:32,675
(Siren whoops)
MAN: Ma'am, please pull over.
473
00:19:32,697 --> 00:19:34,602
Jess!
(Grunting)
474
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:37,778
Oh, my God! Schmidt!
475
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:39,668
Son of a bitch!
476
00:19:42,477 --> 00:19:44,968
- I know how this looks.
- Like you hit a man with your car?
477
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,467
Twice.
478
00:19:46,557 --> 00:19:48,295
I only meant to hit you once.
479
00:19:48,326 --> 00:19:51,021
- Well, you hit me twice.
- Also, he asked me to hit him.
480
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,613
I'm in a really weird place.
481
00:19:52,631 --> 00:19:55,508
- I just need to write a report.
- She's not a criminal. She...
482
00:19:56,077 --> 00:19:59,825
- She was being a friend.
- I hit him because I care about him.
483
00:20:01,564 --> 00:20:03,485
You guys are into
some weird stuff.
484
00:20:06,178 --> 00:20:08,576
(Engine chugging)
485
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,357
Well, congratulations.
486
00:20:12,387 --> 00:20:13,972
You made it.
487
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:16,004
(Laughs)
488
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,675
- I did, didn't I?
- Yeah.
489
00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:23,208
And, hey, you know, don't worry about
the hospital bill. I'll pay it.
490
00:20:23,896 --> 00:20:25,960
Wait a minute. Did you think
that I was gonna pay...?
491
00:20:25,984 --> 00:20:27,028
Well, you hit me with your car,
492
00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:30,448
- and I thought...
- You told me to hit you with the car.
493
00:20:38,745 --> 00:20:41,207
Schmidt, don't
pretend you're fine.
494
00:20:41,238 --> 00:20:43,846
- I know you're not.
- I'm not fine.
495
00:20:47,355 --> 00:20:48,674
But I will be.
496
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,027
Uh...
497
00:20:50,805 --> 00:20:53,103
- Let's just wait it out.
- Okay.
498
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,393
- (Groaning)
- God, it's been a half an hour.
499
00:20:59,419 --> 00:21:01,620
Come up for air, you weirdoes.
500
00:21:02,212 --> 00:21:03,924
Mm, mm, mm.
501
00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:06,363
I'm getting kind of revved up.
502
00:21:06,393 --> 00:21:08,051
Nick has some work to do.
503
00:21:08,063 --> 00:21:09,589
- (Groans): Oh, God.
- (Laughs)
504
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:11,206
Give me a chocolate.
505
00:21:15,193 --> 00:21:16,640
Mm.
506
00:21:20,607 --> 00:21:22,411
- Hey, there.
- Hey.
507
00:21:22,469 --> 00:21:23,870
(Chuckles)
508
00:21:24,274 --> 00:21:25,838
Can I get some of that?
509
00:21:39,669 --> 00:21:42,408
- Mm-hmm.
- You spending the night, or what?
510
00:21:43,223 --> 00:21:44,755
Oh, hell, yeah.
511
00:21:46,007 --> 00:21:48,007
(Moaning)
512
00:21:49,078 --> 00:21:50,945
(Winston mutters)
513
00:21:52,596 --> 00:21:58,596
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther