1 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,076 The math is all there. 2 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:07,150 -It's not real. -Yes, it is. 3 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:10,379 Look. It is scientifically impossible 4 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,421 for a person to tip a cow. 5 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,193 Even you, with your stocky build 6 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,022 and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it. 7 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,029 It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred. 8 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,258 Oh, stop it. 9 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,265 I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers. 10 00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:27,098 Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious. 11 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,037 Lock, I'm telling you I've done it, okay? 12 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,767 I clearly remember the cow standing up 13 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,275 and then the cow on its side. 14 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,242 Were you drunk? 15 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:38,781 I was 16 in Nebraska. What do you think? 16 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,715 I think you're the one who fell over. 17 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,789 That would explain why the sky was also on its side. 18 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,424 -Hey. -Howard. 19 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,959 real or not? 20 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,358 I'm going to say... not. 21 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,430 That's just based on me trying to roll 22 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,727 my mom over when she's snoring. 23 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,804 Speaking of that big side of beef, 24 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:04,272 she's invited all of you to Thanksgiving at her house. 25 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,937 Mmm. 26 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,974 You know, I've been told that a bald refusal 27 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,309 of an invitation is rude and one must instead 28 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,144 offer up a polite excuse, so... 29 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,617 I'd love to go, but, unfortunately, 30 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,653 that sounds awful. 31 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,957 Come on, it'll be fun. 32 00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,288 We were actually going to do it here. 33 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,055 Please? Bernadette's bringing her dad, 34 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,163 because her mom's out of town, 35 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,301 and I never have anything to say to that guy. 36 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:31,663 Since you put it that way, I'd love to go, 37 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,566 but that sounds even more awful. 38 00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:35,904 It'd actually be nice to not hear 39 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,667 Sheldon complain about my cooking all day. 40 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,071 Excuse me, 41 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:41,940 but every year you prepare a terrible meal 42 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,082 and every year I criticize it. 43 00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:46,581 Do our traditions mean nothing to you? 44 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,153 -I want to go. -Yeah, me, too. 45 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,516 -I'm in. -Sheldon. 46 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,988 Fine, I'll go. 47 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:56,423 But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined, 48 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,755 and it's on you. 49 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,825 I (THEME SONG PLAYS) I 50 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,724 Do we really have to go to Mrs. Wolowitz's house? 51 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,453 We do. 52 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:32,290 And I expect you to be on your best behavior. 53 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:35,695 Now I know how the African slaves felt. 54 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,701 Being dragged from their homes 55 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:42,068 to labor under the yoke of the white man. 56 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:45,233 Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner 57 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,039 at Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies 58 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,908 in the history of mankind? 59 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,839 Yes. 60 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,883 Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. 61 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,350 I spent one in Vegas. 62 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,352 You did? 63 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,354 Yeah, back when I was dating Zack. 64 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,992 It was actually more fun than I thought. 65 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,526 We gambled, we went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels, 66 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,163 we had a really good turkey dinner. 67 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,821 Which was surprising, since we were at a strip club. 68 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,233 Wait, you went to a chapel? 69 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,597 -Yeah. -Why? 70 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,706 We had one of those silly fake weddings. 71 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,537 Penny... 72 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,737 You know those are real, right? 73 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,348 No, they're not. 74 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,580 Yeah, they are. 75 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,682 No, they're not. 76 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:31,852 Yeah, they are. 77 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,423 -He's right. -They're real. 78 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:38,021 But it... didn't seem real. 79 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,192 Let me ask you a question. 80 00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:45,098 At any point, was Las Vegas on its side? 81 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,971 -Hi, Dad. -Hi, honey. Mm. 82 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,903 Oh, you brought beer for everybody. 83 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,573 Okay. Yeah, it's for everybody. 84 00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,145 I really just wanted to have a nice, quiet day at home 85 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,483 and watch the game. 86 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:07,955 You can have a quiet day and watch the game here. 87 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,619 Howard, the medicine' not working! 88 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,562 You just took it. 89 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,224 At least let it reach your first stomach! 90 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,839 Hey, Mike. 91 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,066 Let me help you out, there. 92 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,177 Thanks. What's wrong with your mom? 93 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,573 Oh, her gout's flaring up. 94 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,908 Turns out an apple pie a day docs not keep the doctor away. 95 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,152 How can one little toe hurt so bad? 96 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:40,186 Maybe because that little piggy is being crushed by the barn! 97 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,928 She should quiet down soon. 98 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,088 I gave her enough pain meds to choke a... well, her. 99 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,432 I guess we're going to have to do all the cooking. 100 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:52,592 I have a better idea. 101 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,931 If you think you're going to make me 102 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,368 do all this by myself, you're crazy. 103 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,202 I was going to make Raj do it all by himself. 104 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,843 Oh, well, that's a great idea. 105 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,703 No traffic, we're sailing. 106 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,851 Yes. Like we're on a ship. 107 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,553 Coming from Africa to America. 108 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,349 Sheldon, that's completely inappropriate. 109 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:18,394 You can't keep comparing yourself to a slave. 110 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,055 Yes, Miss Amy. 111 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,898 I can't believe you're married to that idiot. 112 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,403 Would you stop? We just did it as a goof. 113 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:29,973 Well, a goof or not, you're actually married. 114 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,734 You need to get this taken care of. 115 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,208 I will. Why are you making this such a big deal? 116 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,369 Oh! I have a reason. 117 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,244 It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, 118 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,908 but every time Leonard's proposed, 119 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,576 he's gotten a resounding no. 120 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,582 That's just off the top of my head. 121 00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,420 So how do I undo this? 122 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,926 I'm hoping you can get an annulment, 123 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,495 so it's just like it never happened. 124 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,188 Great, well, what do I have to do? 125 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,856 It says here you can get an annulment 126 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,660 if any of the following conditions are met. 127 00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,667 "Were you unable to consummate the marriage?" 128 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,499 Penny? Next. 129 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,100 "Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, 130 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,711 want of understanding?" 131 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:08,744 Want of understanding? 132 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:09,778 What does that even mean? 133 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,677 Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. 134 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,551 Thanks for saving the day. 135 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,687 No problem. 136 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,844 It wouldn't be Thanksgiving 137 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,185 without an Indian providing the food. 138 00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,023 Now, where does your mom keep the Crisco? 139 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,129 I don't know. 140 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,129 Probably in a wad in her cheek. 141 00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:32,429 I'll help Raj in here. Why don't you go keep my dad company? 142 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,902 Oh, he doesn't want me in there. I'm the creepy little guy 143 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,371 who has sex with his daughter. 144 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:41,808 -Don't be silly, he loves you. -Does he? 145 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,380 -Okay, he cares about you a lot. -Really? 146 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:47,609 I do crap for you all the time. Get out there. 147 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,455 So your wife's in Arizona with the grandkids? 148 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:57,793 Uh-huh. 149 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,092 You know, my mom's been to Arizona. 150 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,793 She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. 151 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,633 Long story short, they had to shoot it. 152 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,112 Because she's so fat. 153 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,086 I'll get the door while you finish laughing. 154 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,689 -Hey, guys. -Happy Thanksgiving. 155 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,292 It smells wonderful. 156 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,520 Is anyone slaving away in the kitchen? 157 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,164 -Because I, too, know-- -Sheldon. 158 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,128 Here. Thank you for having us. 159 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,166 What's with you? 160 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,360 She's mad at me 161 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,699 because she just found out she's married to Zack. 162 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:42,703 Really? 163 00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,705 That dumb-ass you used to date? 164 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,310 That's hysterical. 165 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,979 I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car. 166 00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:57,853 You need any help? 167 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,389 Yeah, can you reach that gravy boat up there? 168 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,886 -Uh, sure. -Great. 169 00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,322 That makes one of you. 170 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,897 Okay we have a lot to do and not much time to do it. 171 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,501 Bernadette, you're on com, gravy and yam detail. 172 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:12,898 Amy, you're on rolls, cranberries 173 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,403 and making sure Bernadette stays away from the marshmallows. 174 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:18,472 That's right, I see you. 175 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,473 Okay if you have any questions, 176 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,412 I'll be over here basting my ass off. 177 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,015 Focus is key. 178 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,151 Did you guys know Penny married Zack three years ago? 179 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,083 -What? -Wha...? 180 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:36,925 You ever play football? 181 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,562 A little in college. 182 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,720 -You? -No. 183 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,561 But I did get tackled in the hallway once. 184 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,271 The whole school cheered. 185 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,170 I found the, court papers 186 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,606 that you and Zack need to fill out. 187 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,371 -I'll print them when we get home. -Fine. 188 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,674 And we can just put this whole thing behind us. 189 00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:58,611 Are you done? 190 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,445 -What? -Look, I get it, I screwed up. 191 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,246 Is this all we're going to talk about the rest of the day? 192 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,379 Why are you mad at me? 193 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,851 You're the one that did the stupid thing. 194 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,754 -I'm just trying to fix it. -(GROANS) I need some air. 195 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,625 Well... Penny. 196 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,524 Now, I don't know the first thing about women, 197 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,527 but I would not follow her. 198 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,732 Listen to Stretch. 199 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,936 How am I the bad guy? 200 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,705 She's the one who married someone else. I'm the victim. 201 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,906 Sounds like Zack's the victim. You're sleeping with his wife. 202 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,555 I've kept my marriage together for 35 years. 203 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,054 Can I weigh in here? 204 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,156 Sure. 205 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,384 I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up. 206 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,265 How do you not make a first down there? 207 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,991 They passed against a nickel defense. 208 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:51,965 They should have run it off-tackle. 209 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,436 How the hell do you know that? 210 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,075 My father loved football. 211 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,801 He always made me watch it 212 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,570 before I was allowed to do my homework. 213 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,408 Well... 214 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,105 You'll be happy to know I just spoke to Zack 215 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,773 and he's willing to sign the court papers. 216 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,112 He's on his way here now. 217 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,948 -Wait, you invited him here? -Yeah. 218 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,784 I'm getting ready to weigh in again. 219 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,084 Come on. 220 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,155 What do you think they ought to do now? 221 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,457 I would throw a quick slant to a wide-out, 222 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,930 given that the defense is showing blitz. 223 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:26,195 Oh, I love a good blitz, especially with sour cream. 224 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,363 Get it? 225 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,942 Because it sounds like "blintz." 226 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,211 Did someone say blintz? 227 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,348 I just don't understand 228 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,848 why you invited him here today. 229 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,281 Because you wouldn't shut up about it. 230 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,614 When I called him, he had nothing to do, 231 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:43,551 so I just thought it would-- 232 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,281 Hey, guys, I'm trying to cock in here. 233 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,617 Oh, sorry. We'll keep it down. 234 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,656 No, no, speak up. 235 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,823 I'm about to use the blender, 236 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,793 and I don't want to miss anything. 237 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,531 Well, you might have to cock for one more 238 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:56,723 because she invited Zack. 239 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,733 What? What? 240 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,531 My, my. 241 00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:05,301 The plot, like my gravy, thickens. 242 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,740 I don't care for your mother's bathroom. 243 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,907 There's not an angle to do one's business 244 00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:16,747 without a clown figurine staring at you. 245 00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:22,526 -That's why I sit. -Yeah, that's why. 246 00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,086 You remember the Thanksgiving game 247 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,096 when it snowed in Dallas? 248 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,725 Nineteen-ninety three. Leon Lett blew the game in the final seconds 249 00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,701 and the Dolphins emerged victorious. 250 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,705 Then I finally got to do my calculus. 251 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:41,175 I was so pissed, I wanted to shoot my TV. 252 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,109 So was my dad. 253 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,373 And than he did. 254 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,248 -Anyone need a beer? -Yeah. 255 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,853 Thank God. 256 00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,587 So, does your dad still live in Texas? 257 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,352 No. He died when I was 14. 258 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,393 I'm sorry to hear that. 259 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,793 So was the man who owned the local liquor store. 260 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,467 He cried and cried. 261 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,570 -Here you go. -Thanks. 262 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,137 So, if your dad died when you were 14, 263 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:16,075 you were never old enough to have a beer with the man. 264 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,470 No, sir. 265 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,547 He did try to give me one for my high school graduation, 266 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,914 but I was 11 and my mom said, no. 267 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,058 Well, you're having one with me. 268 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,322 All right. 269 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,264 To your dad. 270 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:47,467 I never had a beer with my dad, either. 271 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,175 Do you mind? We're having a moment here. 272 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,686 I can't believe Penny's married to Zack. 273 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,352 I wonder what she saw in that guy. 274 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,861 I don't know. 275 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,863 He's sweet, he's tall, handsome. 276 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,592 Broad shoulders, good hair. 277 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,636 Hmm, wonder what she sees in Leonard. 278 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,937 How's it going out there? 279 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:21,476 Sheldon and your dad are bonding and completely ignoring me. 280 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,780 I know how you feel. 281 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:27,213 Sheldon ignored me for a week when he got that Roomba vacuum. 282 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:31,314 I kick it when he's not looking. 283 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,547 What are they doing? 284 00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:37,327 They're drinking beer and watching football. 285 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,121 So why don't you do that with them? 286 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,629 -They don't want me. -What do you mean? 287 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,394 Well, Sheldon started talking about how his dad isn't alive anymore, 288 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,901 and they were toasting, and I tried to tell them 289 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,733 about how sad I was when my dad abandoned-- 290 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,068 Zack's here! 291 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,877 Stir the gravy. 292 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,470 Sorry. I really want to hear how sad you are. 293 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,639 I'll be back in, like, five, ten minutes. 294 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,482 Sony she made you come over here on a holiday. 295 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,557 It's all right. I didn't have anything going on. 296 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,160 Plus, Penny told me we're married, 297 00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:12,853 and Thanksgiving's a time to be with family. 298 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:14,855 Yeah, okay great. 299 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:15,829 Can we just get this over with? 300 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:19,197 Yeah, you guys have to sign here and here. 301 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,032 On Monday, we'll tile for the annulment, 302 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,696 and this "marriage" will be over. 303 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,897 Okay. 304 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,700 I don't know if I want to sign it. 305 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,572 Ooh! 306 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,110 Why won't you sign it? 307 00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,548 I just think splitting up can be rough on kids. 308 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,013 We don't have any kids. 309 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,622 Are you sure? Because you didn't know 310 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,554 we were married until this morning. 311 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,126 Okay, look, Zack, come on. 312 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,286 You know neither of us thought this was real. 313 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,558 I mean, we were married by an Elvis impersonator. 314 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,064 Of course it was an impersonator. 315 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,898 We could never afford a real Elvis. 316 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,270 You married him instead of me? 317 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,070 Good call. 318 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,645 Sign the papers. 319 00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:03,940 Hang on. You know what? 320 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,810 You have been a jerk about this all day. 321 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,315 You always do this! Whenever I mess up, 322 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,316 you're right there to make me feel even worse about it. 323 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,419 That is not true. 324 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,577 We could've waited till Monday, 325 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,121 signed the papers, this all would have been over. 326 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,724 You're the one who invited him here. 327 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:15,985 There you go again. Just another mistake 328 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,322 you're throwing in my face. 329 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,258 Not cool, bro. 330 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,328 I'm starting to think 331 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,991 you're not the kind of guy I want dating my wife. 332 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,336 Yeah, well, she's not going to be your wife for long. 333 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,133 Oh, no. Are you dying? 334 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,836 I'm about to. Sign the paper. 335 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:42,150 "Happy wife, happy life." 336 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,478 Let's eat. 337 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:53,295 Two, three, eight, four, six. 338 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,125 That's all I can do without throwing up. 339 00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,870 That is not what I expected 340 00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:04,008 when you said you were going to burp "pi." 341 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,940 Did somebody say pie? 342 00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,879 the bathroom clowns, 343 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,848 or the woman that put them there. 344 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,550 All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car. 345 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,456 And there's the clown that came out of her. 346 00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:31,732 I really didn't want to come here, 347 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,666 but this is shaping up to be 348 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,204 one of the best Thanksgivings I've had in a long time. 349 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,864 Me, too. 350 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,475 Hey. Howard says you've been making fun of him all day! 351 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,478 Now, both of you apologize right now! 352 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,976 She's so tiny. 353 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,250 It's funny when she's mad. 354 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,227 All right, mister, I think you owe 355 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:01,228 Howard and Bernadette an apology. 356 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:03,865 Perhaps you're right. 357 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,667 I'm sorry for my behavior. 358 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,864 I've had alcohol, and it's caused me 359 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,064 to be inappropriate. 360 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,073 -It's okay. -Don't worry about it. 361 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,609 Thank you. 362 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,669 Ain't she great? 363 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,772 Sheldon. 364 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,244 Now, how's about you get us a couple of beers? 365 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,059 Thanks again for cooking. 366 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,565 Yeah, everything was delicious. 367 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:41,637 Well, I couldn't have done it without my two favourite girls. 368 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,468 Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray. 369 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,770 Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go outside 370 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,974 and throw around the old pigskin? 371 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,250 This is a Jewish house. 372 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,615 I don't think they have pigskin. 373 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,224 Did someone say pigskin? 374 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,321 Hey, I'm sorry about today. 375 00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,465 And I promise, next time I get married, 376 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,759 it won't be a joke. 377 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,631 It'll be for love. 378 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,429 Or money. 379 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,068 I'm sorry, too. 380 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,006 Don't be. It's my fault. 381 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:21,645 I was a terrible husband. 382 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,476 I was never around. 383 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,617 I know I'm hard on you, 384 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,415 but you're not the worst son-in-law in the world. 385 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:35,320 Mike, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 386 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,018 Well, I'm drunk. 387 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,796 I just vomited on a lot of clowns.