1
00:00:02,948 --> 00:00:05,901
- The math is all there. It's not real.
- Yes, it is.
2
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,215
Yeah... uh, look.
3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,108
It is scientifically impossible
for a person to tip a cow.
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,020
Even you, with your stocky build and
lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it.
5
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,259
It's horrible. Why would you push
a cow over? They're sacred.
6
00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:23,079
Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat,
like, a million hamburgers.
7
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:26,187
Hey, an animal can be both
sacred and delicious.
8
00:00:27,104 --> 00:00:28,745
Look, I'm telling you
I've done it, okay?
9
00:00:28,757 --> 00:00:32,365
I clearly remember the cow standing
up and then the cow on its side.
10
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:33,901
Were you drunk?
11
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,289
I was 16 in Nebraska.
What do you think?
12
00:00:38,582 --> 00:00:40,516
I think you're the one
who fell over.
13
00:00:41,694 --> 00:00:44,259
That would explain why the sky
was also on its side.
14
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:49,245
- Hey.
- Howard. Cow tipping: real or not?
15
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,723
Mmm. I'm gonna say... not.
16
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:55,409
That's just based on me trying to
roll my mom over when she's snoring.
17
00:00:57,479 --> 00:00:59,655
Speaking of that
big side of beef,
18
00:00:59,683 --> 00:01:03,333
uh, she's invited all of you
to Thanksgiving at her house.
19
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:04,965
- Aw.
- Mmm.
20
00:01:06,215 --> 00:01:08,109
You know, I've been told
that a bald refusal
21
00:01:08,121 --> 00:01:12,497
of an invitation is rude and one must
instead offer up a polite excuse, so...
22
00:01:12,515 --> 00:01:16,592
I'd love to go, but,
unfortunately, that sounds awful.
23
00:01:19,815 --> 00:01:21,649
Come on, it'll be fun.
24
00:01:21,677 --> 00:01:23,442
Uh, we were actually
gonna do it here.
25
00:01:23,461 --> 00:01:25,849
Please? Bernadette's bringing her
dad 'cause her mom's out of town,
26
00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:27,922
and I never have anything
to say to that guy.
27
00:01:27,935 --> 00:01:32,152
Oh, since you put it that way, I'd love
to go, but that sounds even more awful.
28
00:01:33,456 --> 00:01:36,609
It'd actually be nice to not hear Sheldon
complain about my cooking all day.
29
00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:38,314
Yo... uh, excuse me,
30
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:43,233
but every year you prepare a terrible
meal and every year I criticize it.
31
00:01:43,262 --> 00:01:45,469
Do our traditions
mean nothing to you?
32
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,087
- I want to go.
- Yeah, me, too.
33
00:01:49,112 --> 00:01:50,462
- I'm in.
- Sheldon.
34
00:01:50,492 --> 00:01:53,123
Ugh, fine, I'll go.
35
00:01:53,152 --> 00:01:56,631
But if her food is delicious,
Thanksgiving is ruined, and it's on you.
36
00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:01,942
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
37
00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:05,823
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
38
00:02:05,847 --> 00:02:07,047
♪ The Earth began to cool
39
00:02:07,071 --> 00:02:10,059
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
40
00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:12,060
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
41
00:02:12,079 --> 00:02:14,816
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
42
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,920
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
43
00:02:16,933 --> 00:02:18,243
♪ Bang! ♪
44
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:20,768
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x09 ♪
The Thanksgiving Decoupling
Original Air Date on November 21, 2013
45
00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:23,295
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
46
00:02:24,037 --> 00:02:26,744
Do we really have to go
to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?
47
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:27,873
We do.
48
00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:30,612
And I expect you to be
on your best behavior.
49
00:02:31,358 --> 00:02:34,147
Now I know how the
African slaves felt.
50
00:02:35,728 --> 00:02:40,011
Being dragged from their homes to labor
under the yoke of the white man.
51
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:45,143
Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving
dinner at Wolowitz's mom's
52
00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:48,329
with one of the greatest tragedies
in the history of mankind?
53
00:02:48,972 --> 00:02:50,291
Yes.
54
00:02:51,703 --> 00:02:53,611
Sheldon, you can have
a nice Thanksgiving anywhere.
55
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,181
I spent one in Vegas.
56
00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:57,622
- You did?
- Yeah, back when I was dating Zack.
57
00:02:57,641 --> 00:02:59,466
It was actually more
fun than I thought.
58
00:02:59,494 --> 00:03:02,298
We gambled, we went to one of
those cheesy wedding chapels,
59
00:03:02,303 --> 00:03:03,608
we had a really good
turkey dinner.
60
00:03:03,633 --> 00:03:06,343
Which was surprising, since
we were at a strip club.
61
00:03:08,446 --> 00:03:11,259
- Wait, you went to a chapel?
- Yeah. Why?
62
00:03:11,496 --> 00:03:13,928
We had one of those
silly fake weddings.
63
00:03:18,534 --> 00:03:19,830
Penny...
64
00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:21,568
you know those are real, right?
65
00:03:21,593 --> 00:03:23,728
(laughing): No, they're not.
66
00:03:24,549 --> 00:03:26,169
Yeah, they are.
67
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,540
No, they're not.
68
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:30,685
Yeah, they are.
69
00:03:30,703 --> 00:03:32,510
- He's right.
- They're real.
70
00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:36,082
But it... didn't seem real.
71
00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:39,099
Let me ask you a question.
72
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:43,179
At any point, was Las
Vegas on its side?
73
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,630
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, honey.
74
00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:53,958
Oh, you brought beer
for everybody.
75
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,663
Uh, okay, yeah,
it's for everybody.
76
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:04,240
I really just wanted to have a nice,
quiet day at home and watch the game.
77
00:04:04,266 --> 00:04:06,654
You can have a quiet day
and watch the game here.
78
00:04:06,682 --> 00:04:10,305
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard, the
medicine's not working!
79
00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:16,057
WOLOWITZ: You just took it. At least
let it reach your first stomach!
80
00:04:19,977 --> 00:04:21,430
Hey, Mike.
81
00:04:21,455 --> 00:04:24,850
- Let me help you out, there.
- Thanks. What's wrong with your mom?
82
00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:26,344
Oh, her gout's flaring up.
83
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,770
Turns out an apple pie a day
does not keep the doctor away.
84
00:04:30,608 --> 00:04:33,921
MRS. WOLOWITZ: How can one
little toe hurt so bad?
85
00:04:34,017 --> 00:04:38,332
(sighs) Maybe because that little
piggy is being crushed by the barn!
86
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:41,128
(chuckles)
87
00:04:41,153 --> 00:04:45,772
She should quiet down soon. I gave her
enough pain meds to choke a... well, her.
88
00:04:48,357 --> 00:04:51,102
- I guess we're gonna have to do all
the cooking. - I have a better idea.
89
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:54,088
If you think you're gonna make me do
all this by myself, you're crazy.
90
00:04:54,112 --> 00:04:57,612
- I was gonna make Raj do it all by
himself. - Oh, well, that's a great idea.
91
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:02,812
No traffic, we're sailing.
92
00:05:02,827 --> 00:05:05,053
Yes. Like we're on a ship.
93
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,097
Coming from Africa to America.
94
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,989
Sheldon, that's
completely inappropriate.
95
00:05:14,006 --> 00:05:17,000
You can't keep comparing
yourself to a slave.
96
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:19,652
Yes, Miss Amy.
97
00:05:22,919 --> 00:05:25,169
I can't believe you're
married to that idiot.
98
00:05:25,184 --> 00:05:27,365
Ugh, would you stop? We
just did it as a goof.
99
00:05:27,383 --> 00:05:29,049
Well, a goof or not,
you're actually married.
100
00:05:29,068 --> 00:05:31,087
- You need to get this taken care of.
- I will.
101
00:05:31,099 --> 00:05:33,379
Why are you making
this such a big deal?
102
00:05:33,396 --> 00:05:35,015
Oh, oh, oh, I have a reason.
103
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,899
It could be because you
said yes to marrying Zack,
104
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,288
but every time Leonard's proposed,
he's gotten a resounding no.
105
00:05:43,479 --> 00:05:45,576
Yeah, that's just
off the top of my head.
106
00:05:46,619 --> 00:05:49,738
- So how do I undo this?
- I'm hoping you can get an annulment.
107
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,773
- It's just like it never happened.
- Great, well, what do I have to do?
108
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:56,284
It says here you can get an annulment if
any of the following conditions are met.
109
00:05:56,309 --> 00:05:58,265
"Were you unable to
consummate the marriage?"
110
00:05:58,293 --> 00:06:00,243
(cackles) Penny? Next.
111
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:06,382
"Is there any evidence of fraud,
bigamy, want of understanding?"
112
00:06:06,402 --> 00:06:08,302
"Want of understanding?"
What does that even mean?
113
00:06:08,325 --> 00:06:10,548
Ding, ding, ding.
We have a winner.
114
00:06:12,985 --> 00:06:15,299
- Thanks for saving the day.
- Ah, no problem.
115
00:06:15,317 --> 00:06:18,897
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without
an Indian providing the food.
116
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,776
Uh, now, where does your
mom keep the Crisco?
117
00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:26,667
Um, I don't know. Probably
in a wad in her cheek.
118
00:06:28,372 --> 00:06:30,760
I'll help Raj in here. Why don't
you go keep my dad company?
119
00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:33,401
Oh, he doesn't want me in there.
I'm the creepy little guy
120
00:06:33,407 --> 00:06:35,383
who has sex with his daughter.
121
00:06:38,009 --> 00:06:40,754
- Don't be silly, he loves you.
- Does he?
122
00:06:40,772 --> 00:06:43,139
- Okay, he cares about you a lot.
- Really?
123
00:06:43,157 --> 00:06:45,573
I do crap for you all the time.
Get out there.
124
00:06:48,336 --> 00:06:51,623
(crowd cheers, whistle blows)
125
00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:54,955
So your wife's in Arizona
with the grandkids?
126
00:06:55,365 --> 00:06:57,032
Uh-huh.
127
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,711
You know, my mom's been to...
(clears throat) Arizona.
128
00:07:01,728 --> 00:07:04,653
She rode one of those mules
down in the Grand Canyon.
129
00:07:04,671 --> 00:07:07,184
(chuckles) Long story short,
they had to shoot it.
130
00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:13,765
(whispers):
'Cause she's so fat.
131
00:07:16,665 --> 00:07:17,978
(doorbell rings)
132
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:20,826
I'll get the door while
you finish laughing.
133
00:07:23,794 --> 00:07:25,082
Hey, guys.
134
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,852
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- It smells wonderful.
135
00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:30,019
Is anyone slaving
away in the kitchen?
136
00:07:30,045 --> 00:07:31,789
- Because I, too, know...
- Sheldon.
137
00:07:33,717 --> 00:07:35,495
Here. Thank you for having us.
138
00:07:35,504 --> 00:07:37,835
- (scoffs) What's with you?
- Oh, she's mad at me
139
00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:40,341
because she just found out
she's married to Zack.
140
00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:43,247
Really? That dumb-ass
she used to date?
141
00:07:43,268 --> 00:07:45,505
(laughs):
That's hysterical.
142
00:07:46,863 --> 00:07:49,829
I can't believe I felt bad
for opening this in the car.
143
00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:59,111
- You need any help? - Uh, yeah, can you,
uh, reach that, uh, gravy boat up there?
144
00:07:59,142 --> 00:08:02,140
- Uh, sure.
- Great. That makes one of you.
145
00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,425
Okay, we have a lot to do
and not much time to do it.
146
00:08:07,448 --> 00:08:09,901
Bernadette, you're on corn,
gravy and yam detail.
147
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,478
Amy, you're on
rolls, cranberries
148
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,021
and making sure Bernadette stays
away from the marshmallows.
149
00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:17,095
That's right, I see you.
150
00:08:18,823 --> 00:08:21,945
Okay, if you have any questions, I'll
be over here basting my ass off.
151
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,616
Focus is key.
152
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:26,896
Did you guys know Penny
married Zack three years ago?
153
00:08:26,922 --> 00:08:28,833
- What?
- Wha...?
154
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,825
You ever play football?
155
00:08:35,845 --> 00:08:37,445
A little in college.
156
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,241
- You?
- No.
157
00:08:39,296 --> 00:08:41,964
But I did get tackled
in the hallway once.
158
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:43,937
(chuckles)
159
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:46,370
The whole school cheered.
160
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,619
Hey, I found the, uh, court papers
that you and Zack need to fill out.
161
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,349
- I'll print them when we get home.
- Fine.
162
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,300
And we can just put this
whole thing behind us.
163
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,007
- Are you done?
- What?
164
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,769
Look, I get it, I screwed up. Is this all
we're gonna talk about the rest of the day?
165
00:09:00,778 --> 00:09:03,067
Why are you mad at me? You're the
one that did the stupid thing.
166
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,972
- I'm just trying to fix it.
- Ugh! I need some air.
167
00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:07,927
Well... Penny.
168
00:09:08,104 --> 00:09:11,851
Now, I don't know the first thing about
women, but I would not follow her.
169
00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:16,781
Listen to Stretch.
170
00:09:22,573 --> 00:09:23,963
How am I the bad guy?
171
00:09:23,985 --> 00:09:26,679
She's the one who married
someone else. I'm the victim.
172
00:09:26,698 --> 00:09:29,683
Sounds like Zack's the victim.
You're sleeping with his wife.
173
00:09:32,616 --> 00:09:35,560
I've kept my marriage
together for 35 years.
174
00:09:35,578 --> 00:09:38,009
- Can I weigh in here?
- Sure.
175
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:40,282
I'm trying to watch the game.
Shut up.
176
00:09:42,308 --> 00:09:43,539
Oh!
177
00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:46,226
How do you not make
a first down there?
178
00:09:46,246 --> 00:09:49,696
They passed against a nickel defense.
They should have run it off-tackle.
179
00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:56,111
- How the hell do you know that?
- My father loved football.
180
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:59,724
He always made me watch it before
I was allowed to do my homework.
181
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:03,009
PENNY: Well, you'll be happy
to know I just spoke to Zack
182
00:10:03,026 --> 00:10:04,676
and he's willing to
sign the court papers.
183
00:10:04,711 --> 00:10:05,992
He's on his way here now.
184
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,581
- Wait, you invited him here?
- Yeah.
185
00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:10,540
I'm getting ready
to weigh in again.
186
00:10:10,562 --> 00:10:11,932
Come on.
187
00:10:13,389 --> 00:10:15,469
What do you think
they ought to do now?
188
00:10:16,112 --> 00:10:20,052
I would throw a quick slant to a wideout,
given that the defense is showing blitz.
189
00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:23,611
Oh, I love a good blitz,
especially with sour cream.
190
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,014
(laughing): Get it? 'Cause
it sounds like "blintz."
191
00:10:31,186 --> 00:10:33,626
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Did someone say "blintz"?!
192
00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:37,655
I just don't understand why
you invited him here today.
193
00:10:37,664 --> 00:10:39,402
Because you wouldn't
shut up about it.
194
00:10:39,407 --> 00:10:40,882
When I called him,
he had nothing to do,
195
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,989
- so I just thought it would...
- Hey, guys, I'm trying to cook in here.
196
00:10:43,015 --> 00:10:45,933
- Oh, sorry. We'll keep it down.
- No, no, speak up.
197
00:10:47,441 --> 00:10:50,247
I'm about to use the blender, and
I don't want to miss anything.
198
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,779
Well, you might have to cook for
one more because she invited Zack.
199
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:56,506
- BERNADETTE: What?
- AMY: Ooh!
200
00:10:57,803 --> 00:11:02,499
My, my. The plot, like
my gravy, thickens.
201
00:11:07,491 --> 00:11:09,978
I don't care for your
mother's bathroom.
202
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:14,394
There's not an angle to do one's business
without a clown figurine staring at you.
203
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:17,313
That's why I sit.
(chuckles)
204
00:11:17,339 --> 00:11:19,861
Yeah, that's why.
205
00:11:23,422 --> 00:11:27,239
You remember the Thanksgiving
game when it snowed in Dallas?
206
00:11:27,292 --> 00:11:30,778
1993-- Leon Lett blew the
game in the final seconds
207
00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:32,733
and the Dolphins
emerged victorious.
208
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:35,182
Then I finally got
to do my calculus.
209
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,988
I was so pissed, I
wanted to shoot my TV.
210
00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:40,648
So was my dad.
211
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,511
And then he did.
212
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,030
- Anyone need a beer?
- Yeah.
213
00:11:46,056 --> 00:11:47,550
Thank God.
214
00:11:48,877 --> 00:11:51,468
So, does your dad
still live in Texas?
215
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:54,262
No. He died when I was 14.
216
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:56,948
I'm sorry to hear that.
217
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:59,707
So was the man who owned
the local liquor store.
218
00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:03,549
He cried and cried.
219
00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:07,441
- Here you go.
- Oh, thanks.
220
00:12:08,366 --> 00:12:10,987
So, if your dad died
when you were 14,
221
00:12:11,005 --> 00:12:14,045
you were never old enough to
have a beer with the man.
222
00:12:14,126 --> 00:12:15,370
No, sir.
223
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:18,200
He did try to give me one for
my high school graduation,
224
00:12:18,218 --> 00:12:21,231
but I was 11 and my mom said no.
225
00:12:25,942 --> 00:12:28,155
Well, you're having one with me.
226
00:12:33,091 --> 00:12:34,709
All right.
227
00:12:36,627 --> 00:12:38,154
To your dad.
228
00:12:41,712 --> 00:12:45,093
I never had a beer
with my dad, either.
229
00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:51,395
Do you mind? We're
having a moment here.
230
00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:01,305
I can't believe Penny's
married to Zack.
231
00:13:01,641 --> 00:13:03,385
Wonder what she saw
in that guy.
232
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,692
I don't know. He's sweet,
he's tall, handsome.
233
00:13:06,711 --> 00:13:08,580
Broad shoulders, good hair.
234
00:13:08,604 --> 00:13:10,899
Hmm. Wonder what she
sees in Leonard.
235
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:16,020
How's it going out there?
236
00:13:16,039 --> 00:13:19,783
Sheldon and your dad are bonding
and completely ignoring me.
237
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,397
I know how you feel.
238
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:24,856
Sheldon ignored me for a week
when he got that Roomba vacuum.
239
00:13:27,115 --> 00:13:29,086
I kick it when he's not looking.
240
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:32,710
What are they doing?
241
00:13:32,743 --> 00:13:35,494
They're drinking beer
and watching football.
242
00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:38,457
- So, why don't you do that with them?
- They don't want me.
243
00:13:38,479 --> 00:13:39,403
What do you mean?
244
00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:43,395
Well, Sheldon started talking about how his
dad isn't alive anymore, and they were
245
00:13:43,414 --> 00:13:46,684
toasting, and I tried to tell them about
how sad I was when my dad abandoned...
246
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:48,342
(doorbell rings)
AMY: Zack's here!
247
00:13:48,652 --> 00:13:50,607
Stir the gravy.
248
00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:55,533
Sorry. I really want to
hear how sad you are.
249
00:13:56,144 --> 00:13:57,975
I'll be back in like
five, ten minutes.
250
00:14:02,354 --> 00:14:04,840
Sorry she made you come
over here on a holiday.
251
00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:06,715
It's all right. I didn't
have anything going on.
252
00:14:06,736 --> 00:14:10,748
Plus, Penny told me we're married, and
Thanksgiving's a time to be with family.
253
00:14:12,389 --> 00:14:14,095
Yeah, okay, great. Can we
just get this over with?
254
00:14:14,115 --> 00:14:17,196
Yeah, uh, you guys have
to sign here and here.
255
00:14:17,227 --> 00:14:20,784
On Monday, we'll file for the annulment,
and this "marriage" will be over.
256
00:14:20,802 --> 00:14:22,004
Okay.
257
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:24,487
I don't know if I
want to sign it.
258
00:14:24,501 --> 00:14:26,619
- Ooh. - Ooh.
- Ooh.
259
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,066
Why won't you sign it?
260
00:14:30,097 --> 00:14:32,817
I just think splitting
up can be rough on kids.
261
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,755
- We don't have any kids.
- Are you sure?
262
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:39,483
'Cause you didn't know we were
married until this morning.
263
00:14:41,795 --> 00:14:45,188
Okay, look, Zack, come on. You know
neither of us thought this was real.
264
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:47,532
I mean, we were married
by an Elvis impersonator.
265
00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:49,324
Of course it was
an impersonator.
266
00:14:49,339 --> 00:14:51,632
We could never
afford a real Elvis.
267
00:14:54,847 --> 00:14:57,359
You married him instead of me?
268
00:14:57,535 --> 00:14:58,898
Good call.
269
00:14:59,636 --> 00:15:01,940
- Sign the papers.
- Hang on. You know what?
270
00:15:01,951 --> 00:15:03,742
You have been a jerk
about this all day.
271
00:15:03,762 --> 00:15:05,231
You always do this--
whenever I mess up,
272
00:15:05,244 --> 00:15:07,060
you're right there to make
me feel even worse about it.
273
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:09,186
- That is not true.
- Yeah, we could've waited till Monday,
274
00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:10,771
signed the papers, this
all would have been over.
275
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,243
You're the one who
invited him here.
276
00:15:12,262 --> 00:15:15,150
Oh, there you go again-- just another
mistake you're throwing in my face.
277
00:15:15,186 --> 00:15:16,813
Not cool, bro.
278
00:15:19,428 --> 00:15:22,604
I'm starting to think you're not the
kind of guy I want dating my wife.
279
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:28,292
LEONARD: Yeah, well, she's not
gonna be your wife for long.
280
00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:30,143
Oh, no. Are you dying?
281
00:15:31,902 --> 00:15:33,992
I'm about to. Sign the paper.
282
00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:39,928
Know what they say:
"Happy wife, happy life."
283
00:15:41,145 --> 00:15:42,555
Let's eat.
284
00:15:46,068 --> 00:15:50,585
(burping): Two, three,
eight, four, six.
285
00:15:54,061 --> 00:15:55,922
That's all I can do
without throwing up.
286
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:57,072
(gasping)
287
00:15:57,097 --> 00:16:01,700
That is not what I expected when you
said you were gonna burp "pie."
288
00:16:02,779 --> 00:16:05,506
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Did somebody say "pie"?!
289
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,666
I don't know what's scarier:
290
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:12,495
the bathroom clowns or the
woman that put them there.
291
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,714
All I know is you can only
fit one of her in a car.
292
00:16:16,737 --> 00:16:18,570
(laughing)
293
00:16:20,235 --> 00:16:22,198
And there's the clown
that came out of her.
294
00:16:22,217 --> 00:16:24,160
(laughing)
295
00:16:27,623 --> 00:16:29,955
I really didn't want
to come here,
296
00:16:30,231 --> 00:16:34,168
but this is shaping up to be one of the
best Thanksgivings I've had in a long time.
297
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,696
Me, too.
298
00:16:36,613 --> 00:16:39,251
Hey. Howie says you've been
making fun of him all day!
299
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:42,086
Now, both of you
apologize right now!
300
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,810
She's so tiny.
301
00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:51,793
(laughing):
It's funny when she's mad.
302
00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:58,307
All right, mister, I think you owe
Howard and Bernadette an apology.
303
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,278
Perhaps you're right.
304
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:06,005
I'm sorry for my behavior.
305
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:09,146
I've had alcohol, and it's
caused me to be inappropriate.
306
00:17:09,402 --> 00:17:10,902
- It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.
307
00:17:10,935 --> 00:17:12,413
Thank you.
308
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:15,493
- Ain't she great?
- Mmm.
309
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:16,853
(chuckling):
Sheldon.
310
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:19,361
Now, how's about you get
us a couple of beers?
311
00:17:31,953 --> 00:17:33,435
Thanks again for cooking.
312
00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:34,766
AMY: Yeah, everything
was delicious.
313
00:17:34,797 --> 00:17:38,027
Well, I couldn't have done it
without my two favorite girls.
314
00:17:38,054 --> 00:17:38,797
Aw.
315
00:17:38,822 --> 00:17:41,061
Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.
316
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:49,711
Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go
outside and throw around the old pigskin?
317
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:54,475
This is a Jewish house. I don't
think they have pigskin.
318
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:59,871
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Did
someone say pigskin?
319
00:18:01,961 --> 00:18:03,589
Hey, honey, I'm
sorry about today.
320
00:18:03,613 --> 00:18:06,638
And I promise, next time I get
married, it won't be a joke.
321
00:18:06,657 --> 00:18:08,273
It'll be for love.
322
00:18:08,714 --> 00:18:10,120
Or money.
323
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:14,834
I'm sorry, too.
324
00:18:15,317 --> 00:18:16,211
ZACK:
Don't be.
325
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,789
It's my fault. I was
a terrible husband.
326
00:18:20,692 --> 00:18:22,322
I was never around.
327
00:18:25,086 --> 00:18:26,686
I know I'm hard on you,
328
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:29,484
but you're not the worst
son-in-law in the world.
329
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:30,923
Mike,
330
00:18:30,948 --> 00:18:33,207
that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
331
00:18:33,262 --> 00:18:35,089
Well, I'm drunk.
332
00:18:38,933 --> 00:18:41,366
I just vomited on
a lot of clowns.
333
00:18:45,881 --> 00:18:50,881
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther