1
00:00:01,431 --> 00:00:02,865
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:02,899 --> 00:00:05,568
♪ Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:05,602 --> 00:00:09,505
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:09,539 --> 00:00:12,475
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:12,509 --> 00:00:16,912
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:18,782 --> 00:00:22,184
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:22,219 --> 00:00:24,186
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
8
00:00:24,221 --> 00:00:25,721
Aah!
9
00:00:27,023 --> 00:00:30,226
♪ Good morning, USA!
10
00:00:30,346 --> 00:00:34,443
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:34,664 --> 00:00:36,465
It's Thanksgiving, Klaus.
12
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,868
You know what that means.
13
00:00:40,504 --> 00:00:43,539
A whole day of watching football
in my underwear,
14
00:00:43,573 --> 00:00:46,742
ending with my Redskins
destroying the Cowboys.
15
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:49,945
Well done, sir.
16
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:51,747
Won him at a school auction.
17
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,082
What are you waiting for, Stan?
18
00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:55,751
We've only got four hours
of pre-game left.
19
00:00:55,785 --> 00:00:58,287
(gasps)
I'll go make the nachos.
20
00:00:58,321 --> 00:01:00,756
Hurry! They're waking up
Jimmy Johnson!
21
00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:02,224
Jimmy...
22
00:01:02,259 --> 00:01:05,094
Jimmy...
23
00:01:06,129 --> 00:01:08,164
Stan, put your pants on.
24
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,565
No can do, Francine.
25
00:01:09,599 --> 00:01:11,233
This is the first
Thanksgiving in years
26
00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:13,302
where we won't be
entertaining any guests.
27
00:01:13,336 --> 00:01:15,171
I won't have to
put on any airs,
28
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:17,239
and I certainly won't
be putting on my pants.
29
00:01:17,274 --> 00:01:19,108
But we are entertaining.
30
00:01:19,142 --> 00:01:20,776
My parents will
be here any minute.
31
00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:22,378
Your parents are coming?
(groans)
32
00:01:22,412 --> 00:01:24,113
We talked about this.
33
00:01:24,147 --> 00:01:29,151
Stan, I'm gonna invite
my parents for Thanksgiving.
34
00:01:29,186 --> 00:01:32,121
But then I thought about it
and the next day I told you...
35
00:01:32,155 --> 00:01:34,590
You know what, Francine?
Your parents at Thanksgiving,
36
00:01:34,624 --> 00:01:36,859
that's not gonna work for me.
37
00:01:36,893 --> 00:01:39,261
Oh, and, Steve, you'll have to
find someone else to pick you up
38
00:01:39,296 --> 00:01:40,963
after your eye surgery today.
39
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:45,968
(door slides open)
It's about time, Dad.
40
00:01:46,002 --> 00:01:49,471
Hey, can we stop for pizza?
(door slides shut)
41
00:01:49,506 --> 00:01:52,007
Stan, it is a family holiday,
after all.
42
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:54,677
That's right. Our family.
Not your parents.
43
00:01:54,711 --> 00:01:57,012
It's bad enough you and
the kids have to be here.
44
00:01:57,047 --> 00:01:58,747
Well, I'm sorry, Stan.
45
00:01:58,782 --> 00:02:00,583
But growing up
in a Chinese household,
46
00:02:00,617 --> 00:02:02,418
we never had Thanksgiving.
47
00:02:02,452 --> 00:02:04,220
I wanted to introduce 'em to it.
48
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:07,189
Francine, I'm not running
a master class in Thanksgiving.
49
00:02:07,224 --> 00:02:10,626
Well, I invited 'em and
they're coming and that's that.
50
00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:13,696
Okay, but they eat alone in
the garage, out of trash bags,
51
00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,297
and use the neighbor's bathroom.
52
00:02:15,332 --> 00:02:16,799
Can we at least agree to that?
53
00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,935
No!
How about they have full yard privileges,
54
00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:22,071
two unrefrigerated sodas apiece,
55
00:02:22,105 --> 00:02:24,406
and at the end of the night
I'll say a chilly good-bye
56
00:02:24,441 --> 00:02:25,681
to the parent of your choosing?
57
00:02:25,709 --> 00:02:26,875
Do we have a deal?
58
00:02:28,345 --> 00:02:30,112
I'll ask you again in the car.
59
00:02:30,146 --> 00:02:32,147
You stay here.
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00:02:35,752 --> 00:02:38,654
ANNOUNCER: If you're just tuning in
now, things are really heating up!
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00:02:38,688 --> 00:02:40,990
Both teams have almost
completely checked out
62
00:02:41,024 --> 00:02:42,791
of their hotels.
ANNOUNCER #2: That's right.
63
00:02:42,826 --> 00:02:44,927
And with three hours
until the coin toss
64
00:02:44,961 --> 00:02:48,464
it is still anybody's game!
65
00:02:48,498 --> 00:02:49,932
What's wrong, man?
66
00:02:49,966 --> 00:02:51,600
Francine's parents are coming.
67
00:02:51,635 --> 00:02:53,916
They're totally gonna ruin
the Thanksgiving I had planned.
68
00:02:53,937 --> 00:02:54,903
(doorbell rings)
69
00:02:54,938 --> 00:02:56,238
They're here.
70
00:02:56,273 --> 00:02:57,573
Aw, this is gonna suck.
71
00:02:57,607 --> 00:03:00,109
I got it!
72
00:03:00,143 --> 00:03:03,245
(speaking Chinese gibberish)
73
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,649
Ah, your Chinese gibberish
very mediocre.
74
00:03:06,683 --> 00:03:09,451
Either really learn language
or go broader.
75
00:03:09,486 --> 00:03:11,954
Just so you know, there's gonna
be football on today.
76
00:03:11,988 --> 00:03:13,455
I don't expect you
to understand.
77
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:14,690
It's an American thing.
78
00:03:14,724 --> 00:03:17,359
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
79
00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,628
Come on, buddy, you got to join
me or I look like a total jerk.
80
00:03:19,663 --> 00:03:21,730
U-S-A! U-S-A!
81
00:03:21,765 --> 00:03:23,332
Man, I-I want to,
82
00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:25,968
but I don't know the words.
83
00:03:28,672 --> 00:03:30,239
Hello, Granddaughter.
84
00:03:30,273 --> 00:03:31,807
We share room tonight.
85
00:03:31,841 --> 00:03:34,143
Aw, you look sad.
What's wrong?
86
00:03:34,177 --> 00:03:35,978
Greasy face got you down?
87
00:03:36,012 --> 00:03:38,981
No, I-I'm sad because this
is the first Thanksgiving
88
00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:40,382
I've spent without Jeff.
89
00:03:40,417 --> 00:03:43,886
Let me tell you what my mom
tell me when I was your age:
90
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,790
"Man you love die in space
so you marry Bah Bah now."
91
00:03:47,824 --> 00:03:49,458
We need find you new man.
92
00:03:49,492 --> 00:03:52,494
Thanks, Mah Mah,
but I'm just not over Jeff.
93
00:03:52,529 --> 00:03:55,230
That's because you still
surrounded by him.
94
00:03:55,265 --> 00:03:56,832
Reminders everywhere.
95
00:03:56,866 --> 00:03:58,901
You need to get rid
of his stuff.
96
00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:10,346
Hey, that was mine!
97
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,181
Sorry. Here.
98
00:04:12,215 --> 00:04:14,583
Use my pipe till I replace.
99
00:04:14,617 --> 00:04:19,021
It work good,
make you cough a lot.
100
00:04:19,055 --> 00:04:21,523
(Chinese folk music playing)
101
00:04:22,859 --> 00:04:25,027
Francine, what the hell's
goin' on in here?
102
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,895
It should smell like turkey
and stuffing,
103
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:29,631
not a medley of
longevity-inducing vegetables.
104
00:04:29,666 --> 00:04:32,968
Stan, this is my
mom's famous stir-fry.
105
00:04:33,002 --> 00:04:35,637
I thought we could have it
instead of sweet potatoes.
106
00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,473
But that's not Thanksgiving!
107
00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:39,274
I don't want
to see this tiny corn!
108
00:04:39,309 --> 00:04:41,043
I don't want to see
your tiny corn!
109
00:04:41,077 --> 00:04:42,544
Put on some pants!
110
00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:46,014
I'm not changing the way I dress
on this most American of days.
111
00:04:46,049 --> 00:04:48,884
This is traditional
American Thanksgiving garb.
112
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,053
You know how you guys always
wear karate outfits?
113
00:04:51,087 --> 00:04:53,021
Well, this is Uncle Sam's
version of that.
114
00:04:53,056 --> 00:04:55,557
Stan, just go watch
some football.
115
00:04:55,592 --> 00:04:57,292
I'll call you
when dinner's ready.
116
00:04:57,327 --> 00:05:00,329
KLAUS: Stan, quick! They're
bringing out the turducken!
117
00:05:00,363 --> 00:05:02,664
ANNOUNCER #2: This year FOX
has genetically engineered
118
00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:04,800
an actual living turducken.
119
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:06,735
(screeching)
Those are its screams.
120
00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:10,038
Its every step is agony.
121
00:05:10,073 --> 00:05:10,873
What the hell?
122
00:05:10,907 --> 00:05:12,975
I try to make picture better.
123
00:05:13,009 --> 00:05:14,209
No, please, God, no.
124
00:05:16,012 --> 00:05:19,348
Aiya, picture better before.
125
00:05:19,382 --> 00:05:20,349
(screams)
126
00:05:20,383 --> 00:05:21,617
Stan, what's wrong?!
127
00:05:21,651 --> 00:05:23,419
Your dad broke the TV!
128
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,887
My holiday is ruined!
129
00:05:24,921 --> 00:05:27,489
Steve! Your Thanksgiving
marionettes!
130
00:05:27,524 --> 00:05:29,491
This is the perfect time
for them!
131
00:05:29,526 --> 00:05:30,893
(Steve screams)
132
00:05:30,927 --> 00:05:33,162
I just got to untangle them
and I'll be right down!
133
00:05:33,196 --> 00:05:35,030
Disaster averted.
134
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,532
Francine, how long
have we been married
135
00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:38,267
without me raising
a hand to you?
136
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:40,669
Look, if you want
your television fixed,
137
00:05:40,703 --> 00:05:42,271
call the Nerd Squad.
138
00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:44,440
Yes! A squad of nerds!
139
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,408
They'll know what to do!
What's the number?
140
00:05:46,443 --> 00:05:48,811
I'll call them,
but in the meantime,
141
00:05:48,845 --> 00:05:52,414
can you at least make an effort
to get along with my family?
142
00:05:52,449 --> 00:05:55,451
(sighs) I'll try.
143
00:05:57,987 --> 00:05:59,888
As long as her parents
are in this house,
144
00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,890
I can't enjoy the Thanksgiving
I deserve.
145
00:06:01,925 --> 00:06:03,559
We have to get rid of them.
146
00:06:03,593 --> 00:06:05,627
Oh, my God.
147
00:06:05,662 --> 00:06:08,764
Are you suggesting an
organized and systematic...
148
00:06:08,798 --> 00:06:09,965
No.
149
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,881
All right, Klaus,
we're the Pilgrims
150
00:06:14,915 --> 00:06:16,883
and Francine's parents
are the Indians.
151
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:18,618
If we want to save
this Thanksgiving,
152
00:06:18,652 --> 00:06:20,487
we've got to get them
out of this house.
153
00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:22,155
Okay, first, you're calling
yourself a Pilgrim,
154
00:06:22,189 --> 00:06:23,389
but you're dressed
like an Indian.
155
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:24,758
It's very confusing.
156
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:27,761
Second, didn't the Pilgrims
invite the Indians to dinner?
157
00:06:27,795 --> 00:06:29,295
Klaus, you're missing the point.
158
00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:30,964
It might not have even happened.
159
00:06:30,998 --> 00:06:33,967
It's just a story that teaches
us to treat each other nicely.
160
00:06:34,001 --> 00:06:36,336
Now, we got to get these
stupid idiots out of our house!
161
00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,772
I see. And how do you plan
to do that?
162
00:06:38,806 --> 00:06:40,840
Why, exploit their fears,
of course.
163
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:43,443
And throughout time,
what has consistently been
164
00:06:43,477 --> 00:06:45,512
the Chinese people's
greatest enemy?
165
00:06:46,547 --> 00:06:49,549
Roar!
166
00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:54,120
(screaming)
167
00:06:58,159 --> 00:07:00,426
Godzilla Japanese.
168
00:07:03,063 --> 00:07:04,864
(howling)
169
00:07:04,899 --> 00:07:07,367
I'm the ghost of Genghis Khan!
170
00:07:07,401 --> 00:07:09,769
I just got through
your Great Wall,
171
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,572
and I'm going to
plunder your culture!
172
00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:18,111
Actually, not all Chinese people
think of Genghis Khan as scary.
173
00:07:18,145 --> 00:07:20,647
Many Chinese view him
as great military leader
174
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,616
who laid down groundwork
for the third new dynasty.
175
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,653
Francine, I bought a horse.
176
00:07:28,455 --> 00:07:30,456
(door opens)
177
00:07:32,393 --> 00:07:34,427
Ferocious panda on the loose!
178
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:36,529
Run! Run
for your lives!
179
00:07:38,799 --> 00:07:40,567
It's got a gun!
180
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,205
Huh. I don't know why you guys
are terrified of these things.
181
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:46,806
We're not.
We love them.
182
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,209
I knew it was one of the two.
183
00:07:49,243 --> 00:07:51,444
Francine, I bought a panda.
184
00:07:53,981 --> 00:07:55,515
Stupid Bah Bah.
185
00:07:55,549 --> 00:07:57,917
Ruining my Thanksgiving day
football.
186
00:07:57,952 --> 00:07:59,319
(grunts) Now?
187
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,753
Do you see anything now?
188
00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:01,955
No, keep trying.
189
00:08:01,989 --> 00:08:04,490
Stan, I'm completely immersed
in water.
190
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,160
Maybe I am not the one
to be futzing with the TV.
191
00:08:07,194 --> 00:08:09,229
Oh, don't be such a baby.
192
00:08:09,263 --> 00:08:11,097
(yelps)
193
00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:12,632
Ooh, ooh!
You almost had it!
194
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:13,900
Wh-Whatever you did,
do it again!
195
00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:15,168
(doorbell rings)
196
00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:17,170
Nerd Squad.
I'm Trevor.
197
00:08:17,204 --> 00:08:18,972
Your wife called,
your TV's out.
198
00:08:19,006 --> 00:08:20,373
Oh, Roger, awesome!
199
00:08:20,407 --> 00:08:21,908
I said it's Trevor.
200
00:08:21,942 --> 00:08:23,443
Wait, do you really know
what you're doing
201
00:08:23,477 --> 00:08:24,711
or is this just a disguise?
202
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,246
Sir, I have a family, too,
203
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:27,981
that I would like to
spend Thanksgiving with,
204
00:08:28,015 --> 00:08:29,983
so if you can just
show me your TV.
205
00:08:30,017 --> 00:08:31,484
It's right here.
206
00:08:31,518 --> 00:08:34,988
Oh, wow, it usually takes me
a half hour to find those.
207
00:08:37,658 --> 00:08:38,758
Perfect, Stan!
208
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,360
If Roger fixes the TV,
209
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,896
then maybe Francine's parents
can stay after all.
210
00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:46,232
MAH MAH: Francine, where do you
recycle your chicken heads?
211
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:49,235
No. No, if I don't put
a stop to this now,
212
00:08:49,270 --> 00:08:51,004
they're just gonna
come back every year.
213
00:08:52,072 --> 00:08:54,574
Oh, I just realized
this thing is tubeless.
214
00:08:54,608 --> 00:08:56,309
That might be a problem.
215
00:08:56,343 --> 00:08:57,577
Jeremy, it's Trev.
216
00:08:57,611 --> 00:08:59,512
We're gonna have
to open up a new ticket.
217
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:01,314
Stan, why you pay good money?
218
00:09:01,348 --> 00:09:02,382
I could fix.
219
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,717
You don't need to call
Nerd Brigade.
220
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,853
Sir, I'm sorry, I'm gonna
have to step in here.
221
00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:09,522
I am from the Nerd Squad, okay?
222
00:09:09,556 --> 00:09:13,192
The Nerd Brigade wishes
they were the Nerd Squad.
223
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:15,695
Trust me, all right?
Trust me on that.
224
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:18,631
Ask anyone who does audiovisual
in the Langley Falls area
225
00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:21,034
and they will tell you
that they prefer the Nerd Squad
226
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:23,436
all... day... long.
227
00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:25,104
Okay? Y-You want me to wait?
228
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:27,740
You want me to wait here for you
while you ask anyone in town?
229
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:28,942
'Cause I'll be here.
230
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:31,778
I'll be right here
fixing your TV right.
231
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,781
The first time. On Thanksgiving.
232
00:09:34,815 --> 00:09:37,050
You know
what I'm thankful for? Huh?
233
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:39,585
I am thankful that I work
for the best damn
234
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,921
home theater installation
company in town.
235
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,190
The Nerd Squad!
236
00:09:44,224 --> 00:09:47,060
Oh, that's right.
I work for the other one.
237
00:09:47,094 --> 00:09:49,595
Jeremy, we're gonna have
to give a customer a free cable.
238
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,732
Um, put it under Code 60,
Customer Satisfaction.
239
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,734
I'll just give him
a three-foot HDMI.
240
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:56,669
It'll only go from the receiver
to the TV.
241
00:09:56,704 --> 00:09:58,571
He can't use it
for anything else.
242
00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:02,442
(sighs)
243
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:04,510
This was his greatest invention,
244
00:10:04,545 --> 00:10:06,846
a snowboard with wheels on it.
245
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,315
For sidewalks.
246
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:10,984
Hi-ya.
247
00:10:11,018 --> 00:10:13,252
Okay, you got rid
of Jeff's stuff.
248
00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:14,387
First step done.
249
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:16,923
Next step, get you new man.
250
00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:20,259
I appreciate that, Mah Mah,
but it's just not that easy.
251
00:10:20,294 --> 00:10:22,061
Oh, it not easy?
252
00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:23,396
'Cause it already done.
253
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,664
Big Wang Bai!
254
00:10:24,698 --> 00:10:26,165
Uh, what?
255
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,567
Big Wang Bai!
256
00:10:27,601 --> 00:10:28,901
He your new boyfriend.
257
00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:30,903
His grandma and I frenemies.
258
00:10:30,938 --> 00:10:33,439
He big success.
Wear clothes by Ralph Lauren.
259
00:10:33,474 --> 00:10:34,907
Okay...
260
00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:36,442
You need more? Fine!
261
00:10:36,477 --> 00:10:37,744
I show you.
262
00:10:37,778 --> 00:10:39,045
See? Look.
263
00:10:39,079 --> 00:10:42,148
Big Wang ride Segway
in downtown Long Beach.
264
00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:45,651
Big Wang never let
his Groupons expire.
265
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,920
He pose on Ferrari!
266
00:10:47,955 --> 00:10:50,823
Hey, Ferraris.
Those cost money.
267
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,425
Shh! You missing Big Wang
268
00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:53,893
wearing white button-down
and jeans
269
00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:55,628
and taking picture
with friends.
270
00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:58,464
Then, he goes to party
and wear all white,
271
00:10:58,499 --> 00:11:01,200
even string
in puka shell necklace white!
272
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:03,536
He bad boy for life.
273
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:07,306
Oh, he order extra large
Blizzard at Dairy Queen
274
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:08,975
and finish!
275
00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:12,545
Mmm. Where are you
puttin' it, Big Wang?
276
00:11:12,579 --> 00:11:14,180
Wait. What am I thinking?
277
00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,482
Big Wang Bai too good
for Hayley.
278
00:11:16,517 --> 00:11:19,385
But not too good for Mah Mah.
279
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:21,687
I guess it wouldn't
hurt to contact him.
280
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,923
No, no, no.
No, he no right for you.
281
00:11:23,957 --> 00:11:25,425
But I thought...
He taken!
282
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:27,193
But it says here he's single.
283
00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:28,361
(gong bangs)
284
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:29,729
What was that for?
285
00:11:29,763 --> 00:11:32,031
Haven't you ever seen
The Gong Show?
286
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,200
You lose! Get out!
287
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:35,768
But it's my room.
288
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,804
(banging gong)
289
00:11:42,342 --> 00:11:43,643
Yeah, you're all set.
290
00:11:43,677 --> 00:11:45,144
You got all your channels now,
291
00:11:45,179 --> 00:11:48,081
although, unfortunately,
because of a licensing dispute,
292
00:11:48,115 --> 00:11:52,552
you currently don't get
A&E, TBS, FX, AMC or ESPN.
293
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,388
But you do get our
satellite radio package,
294
00:11:55,422 --> 00:11:58,357
featuring Reggae Sunsets
on channel 12 hundred.
295
00:11:58,392 --> 00:12:00,159
Great! I can't
thank you enough.
296
00:12:00,194 --> 00:12:01,794
Oh, well, if you feel that way,
297
00:12:01,829 --> 00:12:03,696
and you get a call
from my company
298
00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:05,231
about completing a survey
about the service,
299
00:12:05,265 --> 00:12:07,700
it'd be a big help to me
if you mentioned my name.
300
00:12:07,734 --> 00:12:08,835
Oh, yeah, definitely.
301
00:12:08,869 --> 00:12:10,369
Thank you so much.
302
00:12:10,404 --> 00:12:11,671
What's my name?
303
00:12:11,705 --> 00:12:14,107
Rrr... uh, Rizz...
304
00:12:14,141 --> 00:12:16,142
Rizzoli?
305
00:12:16,176 --> 00:12:18,111
Rizzoli and Isles?
306
00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:20,346
I associate Rizzoli and Isles
with cable.
307
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:21,714
Are you one of them?
308
00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:24,217
Just for that, I'm giving
you Starz and Encore.
309
00:12:24,251 --> 00:12:26,285
Have fun flippin' past 'em.
310
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,487
(door opens and closes)
311
00:12:27,521 --> 00:12:28,721
(sighs, indistinct voices on TV)
312
00:12:28,755 --> 00:12:30,923
Look at that, Stan.
The TV's fixed.
313
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,126
This Thanksgiving
might be salvaged yet.
314
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,561
I told you. It's no longer
about the TV.
315
00:12:35,596 --> 00:12:38,698
We've got to flush these
Chinese Indians off our land.
316
00:12:38,732 --> 00:12:40,700
FRANCINE:
Stan, honey, dinner.
317
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,571
(Stan coughing)
318
00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:48,508
Oh. Oh, gang, bad news.
319
00:12:48,542 --> 00:12:51,844
Bad news, especially
for anyone old and Chinese.
320
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:53,880
I just got back
from the doctor,
321
00:12:53,914 --> 00:12:56,782
and the results show
I'm positive for Bird Flu.
322
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,752
This just receipt from Arby's.
323
00:12:59,786 --> 00:13:01,787
How you eat ten
beef and cheddars?
324
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,422
They were sliders!
325
00:13:03,457 --> 00:13:04,891
Hey, that's my chair!
326
00:13:04,925 --> 00:13:06,993
I am guest,
which makes it my chair.
327
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,461
Stan, just sit somewhere else.
328
00:13:08,495 --> 00:13:09,996
But that's my chair!
329
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,064
Don't be such a baby!
330
00:13:12,099 --> 00:13:14,066
And take the trash out
before we eat.
331
00:13:14,101 --> 00:13:15,768
It's stinking up the house.
332
00:13:19,373 --> 00:13:22,742
'Sup? I'm Big Wang Bai.
333
00:13:22,776 --> 00:13:25,044
This the... Smith house?
334
00:13:25,078 --> 00:13:27,013
They're all inside.
335
00:13:27,047 --> 00:13:29,582
Big Wang Bai?
336
00:13:29,616 --> 00:13:31,584
What are you doing here?
337
00:13:31,618 --> 00:13:32,919
Who invite you?
338
00:13:32,953 --> 00:13:34,253
I did, Mah Mah.
339
00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:36,289
You whore!
340
00:13:37,591 --> 00:13:40,593
Big Wang, have you met
my grandmother, Mah Mah?
341
00:13:40,627 --> 00:13:41,961
No, I haven't.
342
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:44,163
Hello. I'm Big Wang Bai.
343
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,165
My mother's told me
all about you.
344
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,868
(Mah Mah moaning)
345
00:13:48,902 --> 00:13:50,937
I-I'm sorry.
346
00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:52,939
I no want to meet this way.
347
00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:56,809
I must put on face cream
and holiday wig.
348
00:13:56,843 --> 00:13:58,811
You want me
to take out the trash?
349
00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,980
I'll take out the Mah Mah
and Bah Bah.
350
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:02,315
'Cause they're trash.
351
00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:04,050
They're the ones
stinking up the house.
352
00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:05,251
'Cause they're stinkers.
353
00:14:05,285 --> 00:14:06,752
They're a couple of stinkers.
354
00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:09,655
Aah! Why don't I ever think
of these things in the moment?
355
00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:10,957
Hey!
356
00:14:10,991 --> 00:14:13,492
They threw out
my Redskins headdress!
357
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:21,901
Look at them.
358
00:14:21,935 --> 00:14:25,071
They've taken over my home.
359
00:14:25,105 --> 00:14:26,939
Oh, my God.
360
00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:28,574
I'm not the pilgrim.
361
00:14:28,609 --> 00:14:31,244
I'm the Indian,
and I've lost my home.
362
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,346
I belong nowhere.
363
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:36,482
I guess I walk the land now.
364
00:14:36,516 --> 00:14:38,050
(whistles)
365
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,252
Here, Dixie Cup!
366
00:14:39,286 --> 00:14:42,221
(tires squeak)
367
00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:44,590
(engine revving)
368
00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:46,626
Easy, girl. Easy.
369
00:14:49,162 --> 00:14:51,163
(thudding, tires squeaking)
370
00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:54,867
(tires squealing)
371
00:14:58,203 --> 00:15:00,037
I've been displaced.
372
00:15:00,072 --> 00:15:02,707
I must wander, seeking a land
where I might belong.
373
00:15:02,741 --> 00:15:05,376
At least I have the radio
to keep me company.
374
00:15:05,410 --> 00:15:08,713
MAN (on radio): Coming up next,
20 minutes of reflective silence.
375
00:15:08,747 --> 00:15:11,015
Perfect.
376
00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,418
(brakes squeak)
377
00:15:17,222 --> 00:15:19,557
You ever eat here before?
378
00:15:19,591 --> 00:15:20,958
Every year.
379
00:15:20,992 --> 00:15:22,159
Must be good.
380
00:15:22,194 --> 00:15:23,694
Excuse me, you can't eat here.
381
00:15:23,729 --> 00:15:24,895
You're not homeless.
382
00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:26,063
How'd you know?
383
00:15:26,098 --> 00:15:27,398
You're wearing a wedding ring,
384
00:15:27,432 --> 00:15:29,400
which means
you haven't sold it for drugs.
385
00:15:29,434 --> 00:15:30,801
Your eyebrows
are well-groomed,
386
00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:32,670
suggesting a recent visit
to the salon.
387
00:15:32,704 --> 00:15:34,805
And while I smell beer
on your breath,
388
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,441
it has a whiff of the...
Dutch lowlands,
389
00:15:37,476 --> 00:15:38,976
which means it's imported.
390
00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:41,045
And only homeownersdrink import.
391
00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:47,218
Shirley, you got to
come back to the force.
392
00:15:47,252 --> 00:15:49,620
You were the best detective
this city ever had.
393
00:15:49,654 --> 00:15:52,089
Sorry, I feel like
I make a bigger difference
394
00:15:52,124 --> 00:15:54,625
recognizing who's not homeless.
395
00:15:58,764 --> 00:16:02,199
The stadium.
Packed with Redskins fans.
396
00:16:02,234 --> 00:16:04,468
I may have just found my people.
397
00:16:06,104 --> 00:16:08,739
(cheering)
398
00:16:08,774 --> 00:16:10,508
(two beeps)
399
00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:11,709
Ticket, please.
400
00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:13,677
Oh, I don't have one,
but trust me,
401
00:16:13,712 --> 00:16:14,845
I need to be in there.
402
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,046
It's where I belong.
403
00:16:16,081 --> 00:16:17,381
So, you don't have a ticket?
404
00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:18,616
No, but I'm a Redskins fan.
405
00:16:18,650 --> 00:16:19,917
I've been here
since the beginning.
406
00:16:19,951 --> 00:16:22,119
Oh. Okay, well here's
how the system works.
407
00:16:22,154 --> 00:16:23,454
You need a ticket.
408
00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:25,723
Oh, I-I have one right here!
409
00:16:25,757 --> 00:16:27,458
Sir, that's a
receipt from Arby's,
410
00:16:27,492 --> 00:16:30,261
and I'm not gonna touch it,
because, from what I can tell,
411
00:16:30,295 --> 00:16:32,430
its been in your underpants.
412
00:16:34,433 --> 00:16:36,400
(cheering)
413
00:16:39,571 --> 00:16:41,505
(with Southern accent):
Hey, man, Redskins suck!
414
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,274
I just want to pass!
415
00:16:43,308 --> 00:16:45,476
I seek no fight,
nor do I offer it!
416
00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:47,378
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
easy now, partner.
417
00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:48,746
You didn't let me finish.
418
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,614
I was gonna say
that Redskins suck,
419
00:16:50,649 --> 00:16:54,151
but Redskins fans are just fine
in my book,
420
00:16:54,186 --> 00:16:56,187
and welcome
to partake of our bounty.
421
00:16:56,221 --> 00:16:57,922
(with Southern accent):
I'm always tellin' him
422
00:16:57,956 --> 00:16:59,557
to structure
his sentences better.
423
00:16:59,591 --> 00:17:00,925
I'm Laura.
This is Marvin.
424
00:17:00,959 --> 00:17:02,760
You up for a tailgate, hon?
425
00:17:02,794 --> 00:17:05,930
Thanks, but winter is upon me,
and I'm close to death.
426
00:17:05,964 --> 00:17:07,531
I need to get somewhere warm.
427
00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:09,667
Well, hell, there's plenty
of warmth right here.
428
00:17:09,701 --> 00:17:11,435
Tonight's foam finger night,
429
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,504
and these East Coast
folks love to litter.
430
00:17:13,538 --> 00:17:15,773
Let me show you
a little cowboy trick.
431
00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:17,508
(sighs)
432
00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:20,678
I feel like I'm nestled
in the womb of a Nerf lady.
433
00:17:20,712 --> 00:17:22,580
Oh, yeah, pretty warm, right?
434
00:17:22,614 --> 00:17:24,615
Now how about a nice,
cold beer?
435
00:17:25,717 --> 00:17:27,451
Now, hold on there, chief.
436
00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:28,853
Those ain't free.
437
00:17:28,887 --> 00:17:30,721
I'm sorry. I don't
have any money.
438
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:33,057
Well, that's good,
'cause we only accept these.
439
00:17:33,091 --> 00:17:34,992
Up high!
440
00:17:35,026 --> 00:17:37,361
Now you're talkin', Geronimo!
441
00:17:37,395 --> 00:17:40,498
Let's sit down and talk ash
about each other's teams.
442
00:17:42,334 --> 00:17:45,302
Marvin, 911!
We just ran out of propane!
443
00:17:45,337 --> 00:17:48,639
Shoot, we'll never get the grill
up to 400 degrees now!
444
00:17:48,673 --> 00:17:52,843
Ain't no tailgate without
properly seared turkey burgers.
445
00:17:52,878 --> 00:17:55,312
Okay, everyone, pack it up.
446
00:17:55,347 --> 00:17:57,548
We're drivin' back to Texas.
447
00:17:57,582 --> 00:18:00,117
Wait! Did you
say 400 degrees?
448
00:18:00,151 --> 00:18:05,856
Marvin, Laura, it's time
for me to give back to you.
449
00:18:05,891 --> 00:18:07,358
(engine revving,
burgers sizzling)
450
00:18:07,392 --> 00:18:10,761
Three minutes in
neutral at 5,000 RPMs!
451
00:18:10,795 --> 00:18:13,264
That engine block's at
precisely 400 degrees.
452
00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:14,431
(whoops)
Yay!
453
00:18:14,466 --> 00:18:16,467
Yee-haw!
454
00:18:20,105 --> 00:18:21,906
I think you're an amazing girl,
455
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:24,842
but I'm just not sure
this is gonna work.
456
00:18:24,876 --> 00:18:26,110
(crying)
457
00:18:26,144 --> 00:18:29,513
Not even with youthful
holiday wig?
458
00:18:29,548 --> 00:18:32,850
I would say especially
with youthful holiday wig.
459
00:18:32,884 --> 00:18:34,585
Come on, Mah Mah.
460
00:18:34,619 --> 00:18:36,186
Everyone's waiting
to eat dessert
461
00:18:36,221 --> 00:18:37,922
and is very embarrassed
for you.
462
00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:39,990
(crying)
463
00:18:41,593 --> 00:18:42,993
Sorry about that.
464
00:18:43,028 --> 00:18:45,930
You want to come downstairs
and have some pie?
465
00:18:45,964 --> 00:18:49,099
Or stay up here and do the same?
466
00:18:49,134 --> 00:18:53,537
Sorry, Hayley.
I've made other dessert plans.
467
00:18:53,572 --> 00:18:55,239
Hayley, you didn't think
468
00:18:55,273 --> 00:18:58,208
I was gonna let Big Wang slip
through my fingers, did you?
469
00:18:58,243 --> 00:19:00,611
Come on, I've still got
two big installs tonight,
470
00:19:00,645 --> 00:19:03,747
but only one more job to do,
if you get my drift.
471
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:14,892
Marvin, Laura,
various other hicks,
472
00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:18,796
that was the best Thanksgiving
dinner I've ever had.
473
00:19:18,830 --> 00:19:20,798
Who is this guy?!
474
00:19:20,832 --> 00:19:23,467
Exactly! Who am I?
475
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:25,269
Who am I to you?
476
00:19:25,303 --> 00:19:28,138
Me, a Redskins fan,
you, all Cowboys fans.
477
00:19:28,173 --> 00:19:31,442
(whooping)
478
00:19:31,476 --> 00:19:33,444
(whooping)
Anyone seen my kid?
479
00:19:33,478 --> 00:19:34,845
(whooping)
480
00:19:34,879 --> 00:19:37,481
We couldn't be more opposite
on this day.
481
00:19:37,515 --> 00:19:39,750
But you welcomed me
into your parking space
482
00:19:39,784 --> 00:19:41,318
and taught me how to survive.
483
00:19:41,353 --> 00:19:42,586
'Course we did, Stan.
484
00:19:42,621 --> 00:19:43,988
'Cause where we come from,
485
00:19:44,022 --> 00:19:46,390
Thanksgiving's about
sharing diverse cultures,
486
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:49,627
no matter who you are or
how much your team sucks.
487
00:19:50,662 --> 00:19:52,696
Or how Chinese you are!
488
00:19:52,731 --> 00:19:54,832
(whooping)
489
00:19:54,866 --> 00:19:57,935
Seriously, I'm gonna be in real
trouble if I can't find him.
490
00:19:57,969 --> 00:19:59,336
(whooping)
491
00:20:02,407 --> 00:20:05,476
I'm home!
I made it home!
492
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:07,411
Stan, where have you been?!
493
00:20:07,445 --> 00:20:09,713
You took the trash out
hours ago!
494
00:20:09,748 --> 00:20:11,615
I've been to a wonderful place.
495
00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:14,518
I was tailgating in the parking
lot with Cowboys fans.
496
00:20:14,552 --> 00:20:17,121
They taught me how to make
a vest out of foam fingers,
497
00:20:17,155 --> 00:20:19,890
and I taught them
how to cook burgers on my car.
498
00:20:19,924 --> 00:20:22,026
And I learned the true meaning
of Thanksgiving.
499
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:23,994
That you should accept everyone,
500
00:20:24,029 --> 00:20:27,264
no matter their team colors
or their skin color or...
501
00:20:27,298 --> 00:20:28,732
or how horrible they are.
502
00:20:28,767 --> 00:20:31,769
Oh, that's sweet, Stan.
503
00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:34,805
Wait. Why would there be Cowboys
fans at the Redskins game?
504
00:20:34,839 --> 00:20:38,042
The Cowboys always play
in Dallas on Thanksgiving.
505
00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:41,198
What?
They're gonna ask at Comic-Con.
506
00:20:41,318 --> 00:20:42,458
We better have an answer!
507
00:20:42,578 --> 00:20:45,504
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com